


The Winds Carry Us

by HerbalCelt



Category: Attack on Titan
Genre: Action, Arranged Marriage, Drama, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Heartache, Levi - Freeform, Levi Ackerman - Freeform, Masturbation, Minor Character Death, Near Death Experiences, Original Female Character - Freeform, Pregnancy, Protective Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Romance, Semi-Public Sex, Slow Burn, Stong Female Character, attack on titan - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-04-30 21:22:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 70
Words: 256,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14505741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerbalCelt/pseuds/HerbalCelt
Summary: Lilly is a 19 year old woman working in her parents' apothecary in Ragako Village. Lilly has big dreams to see the world and leave the walls, and refuses to fall in love and marry, despite  parent's wishes for her. After her parents arranged for her to marry a wealthy man from Sina, Lilly joins the military and comes face to face with danger, adventure, and lust for her new captain.





	1. Cattle Don’t Tell Secrets

**Author's Note:**

> Hello new readers! Thanks for clicking on my fic. A few things you should know! 1) I am currently revising my entire story as I've grown quite a bit since I first started writing this. Please excuse some errors in the meantime, you'll be more pleased as you progress. 2) This is not a one shot. This story is the type that you take your time reading and enjoy the progress and development of the characters and their relationships. {mostly Levi and Lilly of course}. 3) Don't be afraid to leave a comment or favorite.
> 
> Just don't be a fucking asshole. -Levi
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer:  
> I do not own Attack on Titan or any of it’s original characters.

Growth is painful.

 

Change is painful.

 

But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don't belong.

 

......

The wind blew the grass around where she lay. The sky was clear, void of any clouds. She lifted her hand and rested it on her pale chest, feeling her own heart beat as she watched the birds fly overhead. She watched as they flew from one tree to another, chirping happily as they brought meals to their newly hatched babies.

Must be nice. 

She often wished she could fly too, as ridiculous as it sounded. 

Especially away from her village.

Beyond the walls.

To someday see the world and all of its hidden treasures.

 

The leaves rustled in the wind. Everything was alive on this spring day. A feather flew by her face and into her icy hair that was fanned out around her in the grass. And then she remembered. She glanced over to the wicker basket sitting beside her. She had only collected a few dandelions, some elderberries, three turkey tail mushrooms and some camomile flowers.

"Lilly!" Her mother's voice echoed in the wind.

She wouldn't be pleased. 

Lilly picked up her basket and lifted her dress slightly so she could slip her shoes back on. Then she made her way quickly towards her home.

Her mother and father owned their own apothecary in Ragako Village. Her father was Sven Holmes, and his wife was Emma. They often sent Lilly out to forage for the very herbs, fruits and flowers that they used to make their herbal concoctions. Her father made the medicinal tinctures, salves, oxymels, etc. 

Her mother was in charge of making things like soaps, creams, and teas. They had passed down their valuable knowledge to Lilly, hoping one day she would take over for them and run the store herself. That is, if she didn't get married and move far away.

Her parents so badly wanted her to settle down and get married, preferably close to home of course. But even more so now that she was 19. Her beauty was "unmatched" they'd always say. And sure they were biased, she was their daughter after all. She was often told her traits were unusual or stunning. Men often stared, and it made her nervous at times.

She had inherited her father's fair skin tone, along with his pale blue eyes hidden under long, thick lashes. Her long hair was an icy platinum, with no warm undertone like most blondes. It was almost as white snow. She often wore it down, the ends of it hitting her mid-back. But she had inherited her mothers high cheekbones and her build, as well as her pink pouty lips. She was a petite girl, only coming in at 5 feet tall. She had a slender frame, but she had the curves of a woman now.

But her height bothered her the most. 

She often had wished she was taller. She was the shortest in her village growing up, and was often teased. But her mother had always said to her that men liked smaller women. 

Whether or not that was true, she didn't know. 

And she really didn't care. Most girls her age were dating now. They were of age, and most parents wanted their children to start looking for a spouse so they could eventually start a family of their own. Life was often short within most villages of Wall Rose. Resources were scarce with the refugees now settled in, and Wall Sina had the best medical care. 

Everyone knew that. 

So marrying and reproducing was top on every parent's wishlists for their children.

But Lilly wanted more. She didn't want to be some helpless housewife, to be used for breeding, cleaning and cooking all day long.

She wanted to see things, experience things. 

And maybe if after she'd lived her fill of adventure and love found it's way, she'd consider it.

Lilly approached her house, her mom peeking out the window at her. Her moms face disappeared from the window and suddenly her small figure appeared in the doorway, arms crossed.

Lilly dropped her basket in front of her mother and sighed.

And here we go.

"I knew it!" Lilly's mother threw her hands in the air, rolling her eyes and scoffing with displeasure. "Lilly, how many times have I told you to stop dilly-dallying when you go foraging?" She picked up the basket and looked closer at its contents, moving the camomile over. "Ah, well at least you brought me the elderberries." She smiled and raised an eyebrow. "Come on in and help me cook dinner." She placed her small hand on Lilly's back and ushered her into the little brown house.

She helped her mother prepare a vegetable stew while the bread baked. Her mother's sandy blonde hair fell in her face as she chopped the carrots. Lilly sweetly tucked away her mother's hair behind her ear and kissed her mother on the side of her head.

"My sweet, wild girl. What am I going to do with you?" She smiled and leaned her head against her daughter's.

Her father walked in, carrying a small jar of honey from the shop that was built into the front of the house. He closed the door behind him and locked it. He ran his fingers through his blonde hair and smiled.

"I thought I could spare some of this, considering we had more sales than usual today. Would go great on that bread tonight. Maybe with some fruit in the morning if there's any left over." He said.

His boots clunked against the floor as he made his was to the kitchen. He placed the jar of liquid gold on the wooden counter, and wrapped an arm around his wife.

"I love you." he whispered in her ear. 

Her mother turned and kissed him sweetly in response.

It was nice to see her parents still in love. Her parents had overcome a lot of ups and downs in their lives, and they supported each other through it all. Her mother and father tried to have more children after Lilly, but it never happened. 

They had tried for years and years without success. Her mother became very depressed as a result. She remembered some days her mother never left bed at all. Her mother had felt like she let her husband down after promising him many children, and she had felt like less of a woman for not being able to produce them. But her father was persistent. He brought his wife flowers everyday and would climb into bed with her and tell her how lovely she was. 

Some days he'd help bathe her, and promise her quietly that he loved her, that he didn't need anymore children. That she was enough and she always would be. And eventually little by little, she started to glow again. Her mother was beautiful. She didn't look her age at all. Many men wanted to court her, but she chose Sven. The tall and handsome aspiring business owner. And they were just as in love as they were that night they shared their first kiss behind the little bakery shop at the entrance of the village.

That's the kind of love Lilly only wished to have if it ever came.

"Take a look at what your daughter brought back on her foraging expedition." Lilly's mother walked over to the hook by the back door where the wicker basket hung. 

She grabbed the basket and tilted it so her husband could see the contents. He smirked and glanced at Lilly.

"It's better than last time." He grinned and roughed up Lilly's hair. Lilly leaned against her father and smiled.

Oh she was always a daddy's girl.

"Speaking of expeditions, Conny asked if I wanted to go with him and a couple of friends to see the Survey Corps come back from their expedition tomorrow. They aren't sure what time exactly they're expected to come back, but probably before noon." Lilly said as she leaned against the counter.

"Absolutely not. That is no place for a young woman to be. Some of those soldiers come back missing limbs! And they do carry the bodies back! Or what's left of them at least!" Her mother scowled from across the kitchen.

"I'm not a baby anymore mom. We all know what happens when you cross paths with a Titan. I just want to see them... the soldiers. They get to see the outside world! Who knows what's out there?!" Lilly's face lit up once more.

"Lilly Homes, no. And that Conny, he's not very bright. I don't know why you insist on hanging around him. You don't have an interest in him do you?" Her mother asked while arching a suspicious brow.

"Of course not! He's like a brother to me mom. You know that." Lilly stated while leaning on her arm and waving her other hand in the air.

"Just checkinggg." Her mother sang as she poured freshly brewed tea.

"I don't see why she shouldn't go." Her father picked up an apple and polished it on his shirt. 

Lilly turned around and started stirring the soup on the stove. She knew her mother was glaring at her father.

"Sven, really?" Her mother asked, obviously in disagreement.

Lilly grabbed a rag and opened the oven. It was an old oven, needed to be repainted. Hot air blew out and the aroma of fresh baked bread filled the room. Lilly's mother always baked the best bread. Her father adored her mother's cooking, and Lilly adored that.

"She's an adult now Emma, it's not going to kill her to see the return of the men and women who risked their lives for us all. Maybe she could thank one or two of them for us. Besides, she's been slacking off on her foraging duties, maybe she's just a little burnt out. She could use a break for a day." He bit into the apple and smiled at his wife.

Her mother stared at the floor and tapped her foot, clearly in deep thought.

"Okay alright, but if that Conny boy tries anything-"

"Mom!" Lilly exclaimed while carefully pouring soup into three bowls. 

She carried them over to the table and sat down in the old wooden chair she always sat in which were located between her parent's seats. Her mother and father came and sat down soon after, her mother setting a slice of bread next to each of their bowls. Her mother and father chatted about their day. 

Her father talked about the valerian and camomile tinctures he'd been selling like hot cakes to help with insomnia. He had taught Lilly every recipe for every thing he sold in that store so it interested her to know what sold and what didn't. 

Her mother talked about their newly born calf. Lilly loved the few animals they kept. She loved feeding them every morning and spending time with them. Sometimes she told them her secrets when no one was around to listen, about her dreams of traveling, and escaping the harsh realities of these walls. 

She finished her food and washed her dishes quickly. She kissed her mother goodnight and then went over to her father and kissed his stubbly cheek.

"Thank you papa." She whispered sweetly and then kissed her mother on the cheek as well. 

She then darted up the stairs to get ready for bed. 

.........

Lilly shut the door of her bedroom behind her and walked over to her dresser. She pulled out a white sleeping gown and laid it on her bed. She undressed herself and ran her fingers delicately over the skin of her shoulders. They slightly ached from reaching for the elderberries that hung the highest from earlier in the day. She sighed and put her gown on and then reached for her hairbrush that sat on her nightstand. She brushed through her long hair quietly while she thought. She didn't know what to expect the next day. 

But she was excited for any opportunity to leave this tiny village and the same daily routines that ran her life and wild soul.


	2. The Spark

Lilly woke up earlier than usual that morning. 

She filled the bathing basin with warm water she had heated over the stove and ran a wash rag over her pale skin. The warmth of the water helped settled her nerves. She'd never seen the Scouts up close after their return from an expedition. 

She wasn't quite sure what she would see.

She dried herself off with a separate rag and slid the collar of a light blue dress over her head. Most of her dresses were either blue, gray, or white. Her father said those colors complimented her complexion well, and if he had the spare money would bring her home a new dress from the seamstress across the road.

She decided to wear her hair in a half-up-half-down style that day, just to keep the hair out of her face so she could see everything clearly. She then excitedly ran downstairs and out the back door. 

The sun was just rising, it's light catching on all the dewdrops clinging to the grass. The grass flung the droplets at her ankles as she made her way to the cattle enclosure. 

They only owned three, the bull, the cow, and the new born calf that she named Bella. She refilled the water and dropped some hay in they trough. Bella greeted Lilly and moo'd at her from behind. Lilly turned to Bella and looked around. She leaned down and patted her head and looked into her big brown eyes.

"I'm going to Trost today Bella. I'm going to see the soldiers return from their expedition from outside the walls." She smiled and sighed. "We are all like cattle sitting in here, aren't we?" Lilly continued.

The calf nudged her hand and Lilly continued to pet her for a short while longer. Conny had asked her to meet him at the stables at sunrise. She then kissed Bella on the snout and left the enclosure. 

She lifted her skirt to avoid getting it wet from the grass and jogged onto the dirt road and then headed in the direction of the stables. Just then, 18 year old brunette, April, called out to Lilly.

"Lilly! Wait up!" She said in between breaths.

April also had bunched her dress in her hands, her small feet visible as they trotted against the dirt. Lilly had always loved April. The girl had a sense of humor most girls didn't. She wasn't afraid to laugh along at the boys' crude jokes. 

Sometimes she and Lilly would run out to the neighboring woods and put flowers in their hair and climb trees in their dresses. Lilly could be herself around April, and that company was hard to come by, at least in the young girls of Ragako village.

In Lilly's honest opinion, they all took themselves too seriously. So life was cruel and short, live a little. 

And that's exactly what she planned to do.

"Do you think Conny is already at the stables? I heard we were all riding in Conny's uncle's hay cart." April said, blowing some fallen strands of hair out of her face.

"I think I see him setting the reigns from here." Lilly said squinting her eyes. 

She glanced over at April and a devilish grin appeared on Lilly's face.

"Lilly no, I'm really not in the mood to race-" but before April could finish, Lilly darted off giggling.

"Come on, I wanna make sure we get there before the soldiers get back!" Lilly called out while she held her dress out of her feet's way.

The two young women made their way to the stables. Lilly, once there, rested against a wooden beam to catch her breath, and Conny appeared from around the corner. His eyes met hers and he grinned.

"Hey Lilly, you ready to leave? Benjamin and Clyde are already waiting in the wagon." He said while fixing a button on his shirt.

Just then April caught up to them and rested her hand on Lilly's shoulder while catching her breath. A smile appeared on her face.

"Did Lilly give you a run for your money again?" Conny asked while turning his back to lead the girls to the wagon.

"She always does." April laughed.

"I'm sorry, I just gotta burn off this energy. Being stuck in my parents' store all day can really take its tole. Especially lately." Lilly said with a sigh. 

She looked over to the wagon to see Clyde and Benjamin already seated, eyes glued to them as they approached.

"Oi, I hear you. My mom's legs haven't been that great lately so I've been helping out around the house more." Conny replied as he stood at the back of the wagon. "I mean she's my mom, I don't mind helping her. Just doesn't make being stuck inside any easier." Conny added.

He helped each of the girls hop into the cart. April immediately blushed when she made eye contact with Benjamin.

April had finally admitted to having an interest in him to Lilly, and it really was sweet. She was too shy to really start conversation with him, so Lilly would often help spark one between them.

"It's a lovely morning isn't it, Ladies?" Benjamin smiled and nodded at each of the girls.

"Yes very." April agreed.

Lilly could feel Clyde's hazel eyes locked on her. It made her a little anxious. She stirred in her seat before getting distracted by the sight of Conny climbing up to the front seat, reigns in hand. He turned around with his arm resting on the back of the seat.

"You guys ready to go?" He asked smoothly.

"We've been ready." Clyde laughed.

"Alright, well lets get a move on shall we?" Conny turned around and snapped the reigns lightly. 

The two horses began to trot down the dirt road and out of Ragako Village.

.............

 

The district of Trost really wasn't far from Ragako Village. It was slightly west of where their village was, and the ride was only a couple hours long. The wagon of young adults spoke amongst themselves, talking about their daily lives and their hopes for the future. 

Benjamin and Clyde were both 21 years old and were close friends. They both worked in the fields harvesting the villages crops which is how they became acquainted in the first place.

It was a dirty job, it paid little, but it was an important job. Lilly knew Clyde had fancied her, but she simply did not fancy him back. He was a hard worker, she gave him that. He was also handsome, with pretty hazel eyes and dark auburn hair. All the girls in the village were crushing on him, and because of that, he became quite arrogant. 

He was just too cocky for her liking, and had been too pushy when it came to he and she.

Lilly glanced out into the hills that surrounded them on both sides. Rabbits hopped about, chewing on clovers in the warm sun that had risen higher into the sky.

"My father says I have to move out soon." Benjamin said leaning against the side of the wagon. "Says I better find a woman and start my own life." He continued.

"Did you have anyone in mind?" April asked almost right away. Her face turned slightly pink and Benjamin noticed and smiled. He leaned forward, his face across from hers. He raised an eyebrow.

"I think I might." He stated smoothly with a crooked grin.

April fanned the air around her face and shifted in her seat in response.

"Boy it is getting warmer out huh?" She asked and laughed nervously.

A few moments of silence passed as the wagon entered a small forest.  
"So Lilly." Clyde's deep voice interrupted the silence. "Are you seeing anyone right now?" He sat firmly, almost confidently as he waited for her answer.

"No, I'm really not looking for anyone right now, I'm still figuring out what I want to do for my future." Lilly sat up and met his eyes.

"Other than settling down and having children?" Benjamin asked genuinely.

"...Yes." Lilly said as she twirled her icy hair in her fingers. 

She knew they probably thought she was crazy. To want something different than what society said women should do. 

Of course everyone knew women could join the military as an alternative lifestyle, but it was often frowned upon. It wasn't seen as a "woman's place" in most eyes.

"Like what?" Clyde asked curiously. 

April looked over at Lilly waiting for her to answer but without turning around, Conny answered.

"Ahh she wants to go beyond the walls." He said in a bored tone.

Shock lit the two young men's faces and they looked at each other.

"You do realize there's titans out there right? Like, you could die? Eaten alive?" Clyde said looking into her eyes. 

It almost seemed like he was searching for a sign in her face to tell him she was only kidding.

Lilly looked down and shifted her feet awkwardly. Just then April tugged on her arm.

"Look! The entrance of Trost!" April exclaimed.

All their heads turned and looked over to the gate they were approaching. It was guarded by two Garrison soldiers leaning against the wall.

"We made it in one piece, thanks to yours truly." Conny pointed his thumb at himself while leaned back.

 

.............

 

Trost was a lot different than their village.

Once inside the walls, the smell changed completely. Smells of urine and smoke filled the air. The buildings were too close together. 

It all felt very crowded. 

They passed by women in nicer dresses than their own. The women were gossiping amongst themselves, and there were men selling fresh goods on the side of the roads. One older woman was selling fresh cut flowers out of her basket. 

Lilly watched as one young couple approached her. The young man purchased a daffodil and handed it to his lover. The woman blushed and brought the flower to her nose.

"So sweet." April whispered. 

She had been watching too. 

April had a great sense of humor, and again crude at times, but deep down she was a hopeless romantic. 

And Lilly loved that about her friend.

They passed the center of Trost, a giant boulder rested there like a centerpiece. Lilly's excitement grew as they got closer to the back end of the district.

"I hope there weren't too many losses." Benjamin said rubbing the stubble on his chin.

"Pft. Are you kidding? It's the survey corps. Every outing is a suicide mission." Clyde muttered while waving his hand and turning his head away.

"But with good cause." Lilly stated. "With each failure comes more knowledge.They're fighting to win back land for us. For humanity." Lilly continued.

"That's right!" April agreed.

"Well they still haven't won back Maria." Clyde said. 

Lilly rolled her eyes and turned her head away.

The rest of the ride was silent until they reached an alleyway near the entrance of the gate, where they parked their wagon.

"We'll just watch from here. We don't seem to be in anyone's way." Conny said observing their surroundings.

Crowds started to form as a bell rang, indicating that the Scouts were nearing. Many people gathered around, lowly mumbling to themselves. 

Kids were running around the cobblestone street chasing each other, pretending to be titans and scouts. A mother held a crying baby standing next to the young group's wagon. She hushed and bounced the chubby child on her hip.

"It's okay, daddy's coming home." She assured her child.

Another child stood on the edge of the road with who appeared to be his little sister and mother.

"Daddy is coming back, right mama?" The boy asked his mother in a quiet voice.

The mother looked down at him and put her hand on his shoulder. She looked as though she wanted to assure her child, but couldn't bring herself to speak as they were about to find out the truth. Just then the gate opened, and the first horses trotted through the entrance. A tall blonde man sat straight with eyes ahead as he made his way through the street.

"I think that's the commander. Erwin Smith." Benjamin said as he leaned forward to get a better look.

The clicking of horse hooves filled the streets. Many of the soldiers' faces were covered in blood and horror. Shock was displayed heavily in their expressions. 

One soldier was clenching onto his shoulder, it was obviously dislocated. His side was also bandaged up, an old blood stain barley showing through the cloth. Just then the boy and the little girl shrieked with joy at the sight of this man. The man looked at his children and his wife and smiled weakly. His mouth wording "I'm home". 

Many more injured soldiers passed before one soldier stood out to Lilly. He was smaller than all the rest. He sat up straight, eyes ahead with a stoic expression on his handsome face. 

He appeared almost bored and unaffected by his surroundings. 

He looked so mysterious to her. 

So Lilly continued to stare.

His hair was undercut, with the top layer of hair framing his face, some dangling in his eyes. Next to him on another horse was a woman with glasses, flipping through a small notebook in one hand, and the horse's reigns with another.

"And that is Captain Levi, humanity's strongest soldier." Benjamin said as their horses approached closer.

"Pft. Really? That midget? I imagined him taller." Clyde scoffed loudly.

The short captain's eyes darted to Clyde, who's eyes immediately went wide once he realized he had been heard. 

The captain's knuckles grew slightly whiter on his reigns as he glared at Clyde. Clyde broke his gaze and looked to Lilly seated next to him. Lilly kept watching the captain. There was something about the intensity in his eyes. Was it intensity? Or was it emptiness? And then her breath got caught in her throat when she realized the captain's gaze had switched to her. 

His eyes softened ever so slightly as he looked at her, as well as his grip on his reigns. She felt her pale chest rise and cave with shallow breaths. She panicked silently. She could feel his eyes piercing into her, like they were staring into her soul. 

Was he going to say something to them?

She was feeling extremely intimidated, uncomfortable and embarrassed due to Clyde's obnoxiousness. But she couldn't bring herself to keep her eyes off the Captain and his icy stare.

Finally the captain looked away from her when the woman next to him spoke to him and pointed into her notebook.  
Lilly could feel herself breathe and her body became less tense.

"Way to be an ass Clyde. The captain heard you and you're lucky he didn't get off his horse and beat you senseless." Benjamin punched Clyde in the arm. "I've heard he isn't the nicest person, and while short as hell, can hand out an ass-whooping." He continued.

Clyde was obviously embarrassed, pride maybe a little hurt.

"Lilly, was the captain looking at you like that?" April asked quietly.

Clyde rubbed where Benjamin had hit him silently and glared at April.

"Probably at how embarrassed I was by Clyde's obnoxious remark." Lilly jabbed at Clyde.

Lilly looked back up to the street, watching the back of the Captain's head as his horse trotted away. Then she caught view of the wagon carrying wrapped bodies. A gasp left her mouth. There were no more soldiers after the last wagon. All the soldiers they had seen were the ones that survived. The woman with the baby standing next to their wagon started so cry frantically.

"No....no.." She cried. "I must have missed him, he's here. He's alive." She said.

Tears started to leave her eyes as her baby cooed. The woman started to make her way through the crowd, towards the the direction the soldiers were headed in. Lilly felt her heart sink. It was heartbreaking to watch. To think that baby may grow without a father, eaten by the titans. 

Then her sadness turned to anger. 

It wasn't fair. 

Why was the world like this?

They had to keep fighting for change so that these kinds of things wouldn't keep happening.

And then the idea hit her.

What if she joined the military? 

The very thought scared her at first, but the more she went over it in her mind, the more it made sense to her. This was her excuse to leave the village. To travel and to become independent. To become strong. To be brave. To be become more than a housewife. 

To serve her people.

To fly.


	3. The proposal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please free to leave kudos/review!

Lilly returned home in the late afternoon. 

She entered through the shop entrance where both of her parents were at work with their own tasks. Her father was assisting an older man with a custom order, and her mother was merchandising the fresh soaps she had just cut. Lilly's mother looked up and smiled at her.

"Oh good, you're back. How was it?" Her mother asked. 

Lilly grabbed some herbs and started to hang them from the wooden beams in the ceiling to dry.

"It was very.... educational." Lilly said slowly, not quite sure how to word out what she wanted to tell her mother.

"Is everything okay? You seem hesitant." Her mother said looking at her out of the side of her eye.

Lillys heart started to pound. She knew her mother wouldn't be very found of the idea of her joining the military. Her parents truly loved her and wanted her to live a safe and happy life. She was about to crush their expectations.

"I want to join the military." She blurted out.

Her mother stopped and turned to look her in the eyes.

"You're joking right?" Her mother gawked.

"No, I feel in my heart that this is what I should do." Lilly replied strongly.

"Sven....come here please." Lilly's mother called without taking her eyes off Lilly.

Lilly's father walked over to them and smiled until he saw his wife's face which then caused him to take a more serious stance.

"What's wrong? Is everything alright?" He asked.

"Tell your father what you just told me." Her mother crossed her arms.

Lilly's father looked at her with worried eyes. Lilly swallowed.

"Papa, I want to join the military." Lilly said calmly.

His eyes instantly saddened. He shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Lilly, no. That's incredibly dangerous." He said in a low tone.

"Papa I know I could do it. I want to be strong and help our people-"

"That's not your place!" He barked. It startled Lilly, her father rarely raised his voice to her.

"I refuse to sit at home and be some man's helpless housewife!" She raised her voice back.

"Lilly, be realistic! Most of the soldiers get killed off in the survey corps. And the chances of you making it into the Military Police are almost nonexistent. You're a very small girl." He said, frustration in his voice.

Lilly blinked and took in a deep breath. She cursed her height. She cursed her appearance. They caused everyone around her to underestimate her. No longer.

"The captain in the Survey Corps is small too! Captain.... Captain Levi! He's small too! And he's humanity's strongest soldier!" She shot back.

Lilly's father breathed heavy and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"You're not a man. You're a woman. You're my precious daughter that I've seen grow from an infant. You're too pure and beautiful to risk dying in such an awful way- like a lamb to the slaughter. I won't allow it!" He shouted. 

Fear was in his eyes.

Lilly's mother's eyes filled with tears. She fidgeted a bar of soap in her hands.

"We just want what's best for you Lilly" Her mother said quietly.

Lilly felt tears forming in her own eyes. Silence filled the room. Nothing but the sound of creaking floorboards under their feet as they shifted their weights could be heard. Just then a customer came in through the door. A man appearing to be around 40 in very fine clothes stood in the doorway.

"Good afternoon, can we help you look for anything?" Lilly's father cleared his throat.  
"Ah. Yes. I've been having a very dry cough, and heard this was hidden gem for good herbal remedies." The man said as he removed his hat.

He had brown hair and blue eyes. He wore a brown suit jacket over a tan dress shirt with some pressed dress pants as well. His shoes were black and polished. There was no doubt he had come from Wall Sina.

"Right this way." Lilly's father lead the man to a shelf by a window with an assortment of tinctures and syrups.

Lilly's mother looked back at Lilly and frowned. 

"Please finish hanging those herbs. I'm going to cook dinner." Her mother said as she placed the last bar of soap on display. 

She turned and left through the back door that lead to their living area. Lilly stood for a moment and frowned. She wanted to make her parents proud. She really did. But how could she just go along with their expectations for her life if her heart wasn't in it? There were no men in this village anyways that interested her. And she wouldn't even know where to look. She let the thought die and grabbed some goldenseal and began to hang it from a beam when she caught her father and the wealthy man watching her. The man watched her with interest and then spoke quietly to her father. Her father turned and they both walked out the door and onto the porch.

Lilly finished hanging the herbs and went into the kitchen to help her mother cook dinner.

...................

 

Lilly and her mother prepared dinner in silence. When her father came in, he entered without any words and kept his head down and sat at the table. 

They ate in silence. 

And it drove Lilly mad. 

She had so much she wanted to say, but was afraid it'd come out in a disgusting unorganized mess and make things worse. 

She really didn't want her parents to be upset. She didn't want to dishonor them. But she chose to remain silent. Lilly's father rolled up his sleeves and sat up in his chair after finishing his dinner.

"Lilly, if you are finished, I'd like for you to give your mother and I some time to talk. I have something to discuss with her in private." He said glancing over to her mother.

Lilly nodded her head and looked at her mom, who was expressionless. Lilly took her plate and washed it, then made her way out the back door.  
..........

 

Lilly sat against the wooden fence inside the cattle enclosure. The sun had set and the crickets started chirping. 

The light of the moon glistened in Lilly's hair. Stars were spilled across the sky in enormous number above her saddened head. A tear ran down her cheek as she got lost in her thoughts. 

What an empty, unfulfilling life this will be.

The cool night air kissed her face and tickled her bare legs as she ripped out chunks of grass. She closed her eyes at the sensation of it. 

Then she opened her eyes again to worship the sight of the moon. She must have sat there for an hour looking up at the sky before she heard the creak of the back door open. The light from inside their house poured out onto the grass behind her.

"Lilly, come inside please.....your father and I-" her mother's voice broke for a moment. "We need to speak with you." She continued.

Lilly glanced up at the sky one last time as if to say goodnight, and stood up to face her mother. 

Her mother was cradling her hands and watching Lilly nervously. Lilly passed her mother and joined her father at the kitchen table once more. Lilly's mother followed behind her and took her seat as well. Her father sat quietly, obviously in deep thought. 

He took a deep breath.

"Lilly, I'm sure you noticed me speaking with that man earlier in the shop." He started.

Lilly nodded her head silently.

"Well he's made us all an offer. I'm going to need you to listen to me without interrupting." He said.

"Yes Papa.", Lilly said quietly.

"Well this man was from Sina. He is very wealthy and successful. He owns many stores and lands within the walls." Her father said.   
He scratched at the wooden table and looked up again.

"He took note of your beauty, and asked if you had yet been married. I told him you had not, and he made us an offer." He said looking into Lilly's eyes.

Lilly's mouth hung open, her cheeks began to burn red.

"He offered to move us all out to Sina, to help us rebuild our store- a better store. Even pay to get us started. But in exchange for your hand in marriage." Her father said as he rested his hand flat on the table again.

Lilly gasped. She looked at her mother who kept her head down.

"He said we'd all live close together and that you'd have everything you could ever need or want. He has a beautiful home, lots of land in various areas. You'd be able to raise children and support all their needs too." He added.

"I don't even know this man!" Lilly exclaimed. "And he's old!" She added.

"Well you have time. We've accepted his offer. The wedding is set for the end of summer." Her father said.

"Papa!" She cried and looked between her parents frantically.

He looked down.

Lilly then stared at her mother. "You agreed to this?" Lilly asked her mother.

She sat silently for a moment.

"Lilly we are being practical. The titans broke through Maria, it's only a matter of time before they break through Rose too. We are thinking about your best interest here." Her mother pleaded.

"My best interest?! How can you decide my best interest like this?!" Lilly shouted. 

"Because we are your parents! This is not an uncommon thing Lilly!" Her father snapped. 

Lilly stood up and slammed her chair into the table.

She didn't even look at them before turning to run upstairs where she let out a loud sob. She threw herself onto her bed and cried into her pillow. 

The moonlight flowed through her window over her as she wept into dreamless sleep.


	4. Escape

A week had passed since Lilly had learned of her arranged marriage.

She had mostly kept to herself. Everyday seemed to blur into one as she mindlessly worked and did chores. She eventually decided to go speak with April and tell her about everything she was feeling before she exploded.

"They really did that to you?" April asked as they swung their legs from a branch of their favorite climbing tree.

The leaves were beautiful and vividly green surrounding them. Lilly sighed.

"Yes, and April, don't get me wrong. I see where they are coming from completely." She stopped as she reached out for a leaf. She grabbed it and held it in her hand.

"It's just not what I want for myself." She said sadly. "I'll do it for them because I love them and I know their hearts are in the right place. But I won't like it. I just wish I had an excuse to disappear." She said.

April frowned and looked at Lilly. They were quiet for a moment.

"I just want you to be happy." April said.

Lilly gave her a weak smile and surrendered her leaf to the wind.

"Conny and Benjamin signed up for the 104th training corps. They start next week." April said quietly.

April and Benjamin had started seeing each other more after the trip to Trost, and had even shared a kiss. April had come knocking on Lilly's door the day it had happened to tell her. 

She had been all smiles since. And Lilly was so happy for her. She also appreciated a distraction from her own current situation.

"Conny huh?" Lilly smirked.

"Yeah, can you imagine him being a soldier?" April laughed.

Lilly laughed at the thought of it and then a frown slowly returned to her face.

"Hey...I was just thinking. What if you joined anyways?" April asked Lilly.

Lilly's eyes widened.

"I was thinking about sneaking off and joining myself, so I could be with Ben." April added.

She looked off towards the village.

They were both quiet for a moment. The wind picked up and blew their hair.

"I....I suppose...but my parents would be worried sick." Lilly said. Her heart was racing at the thought.

"Just Tell them that you decided to go stay with your new fiancé in Sina. Just so you could get to know him before the wedding and that you're taking me with you to stay in an inn that he will pay for. That way it covers my ass too......but they will eventually find out it's a lie. But it will save them more time from worrying." April said. 

Lilly thought for a moment. She couldn't believe she was actually considering this.

"But won't it look suspicious if we were to leave the same time as Ben and Conny?" Lilly asked.

"We could stay at an inn for a couple of nights with our own money prior to when the boys leave. We will have them pick us up there on the way to training." April said, patting down her dress.

Lilly couldn't see any flaw with this idea. Her heart raced at the thought of this plan. She smiled.

"Alright. Lets do it. But let the boys know, and start writing your letter." Lilly said with a grin.

"Great, we leave in five days." April grinned back.

...............

 

During the days leading up to their departure, Lilly felt like she had her ugly little plan written all over her face for everyone to see. She felt awkward and paranoid around her parents, like they already knew what her plan was. She had to keep telling herself to act normal and be cool.

One day at dinner, she decided to brief her parents on her fake plans to see her fiancé. They had agreed it was a good idea, which took a lot of anxiety off her chest, not to mention the suspicion of having to just disappear randomly one night.

.................

 

The next day, Lilly was walking with April through the village.

"So I told my parents. Did you?" Lilly asked as she took a bite of a piece of bread they had purchased from the bakery.

April nodded her head and swallowed.

"Yup, they were really happy about it but I told them it'd only be a week. So that calmed them down a bit." April smiled.

"Not a bad idea. I'll give you credit." Lilly said.

"So we leave tomorrow?" April asked excitedly.

"Mhm." Lilly joined arms with April as they walked down the dirt road in the sunshine.

 

....................................

 

Before meeting April at the stables, Lilly stood in the kitchen with her parents.

"You be safe on your way to Sina, please my dear." Lilly's mom adjusted the fabric on Lilly's dress.

Her father looked down at Lilly and smiled. He held her tight in his arms and kissed the top of her head. Lilly kept her face buried in his shirt and tried not to cry as she knew very well that this could be the last time she ever saw her parents. 

In that moment, it became real. Her father let go of her and Lilly turned to hug her mother. Her mother kissed her cheeks and sighed.

"We will miss you so very much. Hopefully we will be able to come and visit soon. Just don't stay too long. I'd like to have you come back and spend your last week as our baby here before your wedding." Her mother's eyes swelled with tears.

"Don't cry mama." Lilly smiled. Her heart was aching. 

Already she was questioning what she was doing as guilt tore at her.

"I love you." She said to both her parents as she picked up her bag. She smiled and tried to burn the images of their faces in her mind. 

Then she turned and made her way out the back door. She walked over to Bella who was already waiting for Lilly. She petted the calf and gave her a kiss in the nose.

"Goodbye my sweet girl. I hope to see you again."

 

..................................

 

April and Lilly raced out of Ragako on their horses with giant smiles on their faces. 

They stopped occasionally to give the horses a rest and to also pick any berries they might find in the bushes alongside the woods. It had started to rain not long before they reached the inn that they told Conny and Ben that they would be staying at. 

The inn wasn't a very nice inn. It was old and made of cobblestone. Vines grew up the walls and over some of the windows. It did conveniently however, have a small barn attached to it to leave their horses. After getting their horses situated in the barn, they went inside and checked in.

An old man worked at the counter and smiled at them.

"Good afternoon ladies, looking to check in?" He greeted warmly. 

April put her arms up on the counter and smiled.

"Yes please, one room for two nights." She said.

"Right this way please." The man said as he adjusted his glasses.

The two young women followed the man up the stairs and were led to a small room with two small beds. 

There was a small table with a water pitcher and one small dresser. The two girls turned to the man and thanked him before he nodded and went downstairs. The girls threw themselves onto the beds and looked at each other.  
"I can't believe we are doing this." Lilly said as she looked into April's Hazel eyes.

"Me neither. But there's no one else I rather do it with." April smiled.

They were quiet for a little bit. The sun was getting lower, and the rain getting heavier. The ivy on the window obstructed some of the view.

"It's crazy. I could die doing this. Or Ben could. We probably will never get to marry or have children. Maybe if we both get into Military Police or at least Garrison." April said.

"I don't know if you'll have time for romance depending on where you end up. I know I won't." Lilly said. 

She could feel her body growing heavier as exhaustion started to take over.

"Where do you want to end up?" April asked Lilly.

"The survey Corps. I'll get out of these walls that way. And after three years of training, I'll work hard to fight and survive." Lilly said confidently.

"Even good soldiers die Lilly." April said.

Lilly didn't answer. 

She closed her eyes and grimaced.

No. 

She wouldn't die.

She'd get strong. 

And she'd prove to everyone someday that she was capable.

"I think I'm going to go to sleep. We should rest as much as we can before training." Lilly rolled over and looked at April.

"I completely agree with ya there." April said with a smile.

Both the girls got into their blankets and closed their eyes. Lilly pulled the quilt up to her face and took in a deep breath. She felt cool under the blankets and the sound of the rain hitting the roof soothed her nerves. 

She thought of her parents until sleep took her for the night.

......................

 

Two days later, Conny and Ben arrived. 

Ben greeted April with a kiss, and Conny waved awkwardly at Lilly from behind the couple. 

Once they were all on their horses, they headed towards the training camp. They were all mostly silent due to nerves. The ground was still wet due to the rain the past two days, so mud flung up onto their clothes.

"Great." April muttered.

"It's just a little dirt!" Lilly grinned.

"We are here." Ben said. The group stood in front of a series of buildings surrounded by woods. There was an strange crater-like area void of any grass that was off to their left side where new cadets were gathering.

"I guess we should go in this building and get processed." Conny swallowed.

Lilly's heart started to pound again. 

She couldn't believe this was happening. 

She didn't know what to expect of the next three years, but she knew her body and mind would be tested and pushed to it's limits.

At least she would go through it all with her friends by her side.

The group all looked at each other and nodded. They then made their way into the new recruits office.


	5. Chapter 5: Is Your Heart On Your Right Side, Shithead?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Year 347. 104th cadet corps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here’s a little intro to the training camp. I didn’t want to write out the entire scene from the anime as I really wanted to focus writing some more of what was going through Lilly’s mind. Thanks again for taking your time to read!

Lilly sat as she filled out her basic information on the processing sheet in the office with her friends. 

The sheet asked for things such as height, weight, heritage, age, parents' names and location, and etc. 

They were then taught the salute and asked to devote their hearts to the king and to humanity. Lilly saluted strongly and proudly next to her friends. Once finished, the young adults were given their uniforms to change into.

Lilly put on her cadet jacket and looked down at her legs. She had never worn pants before, but she enjoyed the feel of them. They hugged her figure well, and they made her feel free. What a relief it was not to have a skirt to tangle in her legs or to trip on. And these riding boots!

She smiled to herself. 

She looked like a real soldier.

Once fully dressed in uniform, Lilly and April made their way outside to wait for Conny and Ben.

"Oi! You girls look awesome in those pants!" Conny exclaimed as he exited the building.

Ben smiled at April and put his hand on her shoulder.

"Well don't you look handsome." April said flirtatiously to Ben.

"Thank you, you look great yourself." He said with a grin. "Are you ready?" He asked in a more serious tone.

April nodded her head at him confidently. 

There was no turning back now. 

Lilly felt ready and eager now that she was in uniform. This was it.

"Well let's go then." Lilly said and started to lead the way over to the gathering area.  
................

 

They looked around them and observed all the faces there. 

Lilly saw a lot of fear and anxiety written over the expressions of the new cadets. But one boy almost looked eager. He had brown shaggy hair and blue-green eyes. He had a serious yet excited look on his face. 

Stood closely next to him was a girl with black hair, and dark eyes. Her face was no doubt exotic and beautiful. But the expression on her face was emotionless for a moment until she pulled the red scarf that was around her neck up around her chin. 

Lilly thought it was rather strange considering how warm it was that day. 

The sun beat down on them, and Lilly's hair started to cling to the back of her neck. She decided to put it in a braid quickly as she saw a tall and rather scary looking man approach the area. 

He was tan, probably from being out in this sun constantly, and was also pretty bald. Many deep wrinkles covered this man's face, and he wasn't pleasant to look at. He took his place in the front of all them. They all stood in line formation as he approached.

"I am Head Commander Kieth Sadies!" He shouted suddenly.

He paused to look around at his new recruits.

"I am personally in charge of turning you pitiful runts into fit soldiers for the next three years!" He shouted again.

Lilly heard April swallow next to her. 

There was another moment of silence as the commander studied their faces.

"First squad, about face!" He yelled.

The first row of new recruits stood straighter and rested their hands behind their backs in a stance. The commander stood in front of a blonde haired boy. He was also short in height and had an innocence to him.

"Hey, Kid!" Commander yelled.

"Sir!" The boy saluted.

"Who the hell are you?!"

"I'm Armin Arlert from Shiganshina, Sir!" The boy shouted in response.

"That so? A name fit for a retard. Your parents named you that?"

"It was my grandfather, Sir!"

The commander leaned in closer to the Armin's face and looked him in the eyes. Lilly was starting to get nervous at the sight of this.

"Arlert, why are you here?" The commander asked.

"To contribute to humanity's victory, Sir!" Armin's voice cracked.

The commander stood straight again, seeming to be somewhat satisfied with the boy's answer.

"How very admirable. You should make first-rate Titan feed."

The commander continued to pass through the new recruits, throwing insults and screaming in their faces. 

Lilly got more nervous as the Commander got closer to her.

"Fourth squad, about face!" The commander shouted.

Lilly and the group stood tall. She began to sweat as the Commander stood in front of the taller man on her left side. He inspected the young man who twitched slightly next to her.

"Who the hell are you?!" The Commander yelled.

"Jean Kirstein from Trost, Sir!" The man saluted.

"What are you here for?!" The Commander demanded.

Jean seemed taken back by the answer and then grinned.

"To join the Military Police Brigade and to reside in the inner District, Sir."

Everyone was silent and Lilly looked at Jean from the sides of her eyes, trying with all her strength to not move a muscle.

"I see. So you wanna live in the Inner District."

"Yes Sir." Jean replied.

Almost instantly, the Commander's head came crashing down into Jean's in a very hard headbutt. The force knocked Jean to his knees, and he grabbed his head and groaned.

"Who gave you permission to sit?! If you can't even handle that then you'll never make it into the Military Police Brigade!" The Commander scowled down at him.

Lilly silently panicked, hoping that the Commander wouldn't stop at her next. 

The sun beat down on all of them viciously as they were belittled. Lilly knew why this was happening. It was their rite of passage, and she tried hard to remind herself that. She wasn't very used to yelling and shouting, and she knew she needed to get used to it. She had signed herself for far worse things than that. 

But that was the price she was willing to pay for her freedom. 

Then the Commander stood before her.

"You there! Shouldn't you be at home playing with dolls?! What's your name?!" He screamed in her face. 

"Lilly Holmes, from Ragako, in Wall Rose's southern District Sir!" Lilly saluted with her heart going a mile a minute.

"Lilly?! Sounds like a flower that will be certainly crushed under the foot of a titan! Why are you here?!" The Commander shouted in her face.

"To help win back Wall Maria and restore peace to humanity once and for all!" Lilly replied firmly. 

"Hm. We will see if you make it through the hell I have planned for you." Sadies said as he continued down the line. 

Lilly relaxed and exhaled in relief.

The Commander harassed another man named Marco, and then made his way in front of Conny. 

Poor, poor Conny.

Lilly remained silent as she watched, hoping for the best for her friend.

"Next! You there! Who the hell are you?!"  
"I'm Conny Springer from Ragako, in Wall Rose's southern district, Sir."

Lilly watched as Conny saluted with the wrong hand. She swallowed and hoped the Commander wouldn't notice.

But instantly, the eyes of the Commander bulged out of his head and he lifted Conny up by the head with both his hands and held him above the ground, just inches from his face.

She'd never seen anything like it.

"Listen up, Conny Springer! This was one of the first things you were taught: That salute means you are offering your heart to the king! Is your heart on your right side, shithead?!"

Conny's skin around his eyes were stretched to the sides by the Commander's fingers. His mouth hung open stupidly. But the Commanders eyes suddenly were distracted by the sound of a girl eating behind Lilly. He dropped Conny to the ground with a loud thump and stepped towards the girl.

"Hey you. What the hell are you doing?" He asked the girl.

She looked from side to side and continued to munch. The Commander got in her face.

"You! I'm talking to you!" He screamed in her face. "Who the fuck are you?!"

The girl swallowed and saluted with potato in hand.

"I'm Sasha Blouse from Dauper, Wall Rose's southern district, Sir!"

That small hunting village wasn't far from Ragako. A lot of the meat from that wooded village was sold in Ragako. Lilly's father would sometimes purchase some elk as a treat for special nights. 

Lilly paused as she remembered the smell of the meat roasting in their kitchen, vegetables boiling with garlic on the stove. Her mother humming as she set the table. Her memories seemed to block out the Commander scolding the potato girl.

.................

 

The Commander ended up making the potato girl run till she dropped. Five hours had passed and she was still running. Conny and Lilly watched as the Sasha ran around the perimeter of the large dirt area outside of the cabin where all the new cadets ate their meals. April came outside and patted Lilly on the shoulder.

"Lilly, come eat now. You're going to need the nutrition with the training we will be getting. It's not going to be easy." April said. 

Lilly looked up as the sunset. Then her eyes caught sight of a wagon carrying the recruits who decided to quit the first day. 

It wasn't for everyone. 

She thought it was better off that they left if they had any doubt that this was for them. She was going to stay strong and get through this training. The world was going to be her's to discover.

Once they got inside, the room was full of chatter. The sound of laughter and mugs being slammed into the table filled the air. She noticed the angry boy and the girl with the red scarf again, they had been seated across from Benjamin. 

On Lilly's way to the table, a different table full of men stared at her. They watched her as she crossed the room and many tables became quiet. The sensation of eyes all over her made her feel naked and anxious, but went away once she was seated.

She was introduced to the angry boy and the scarf girl. Their names were Eren and Mikasa from the Shiganshina district. They had been there the day that the titans broke through the wall. Lost their mother and father. They told Lilly about that day, and Eren seemed pained by the memories of it. Lilly frowned.

"I'm so sorry, I could never imagine." Lilly said with empathy.  
Eren looked up and clenched his fist. Mikasa watched him with her typical blank expression.

"That's why I'm here. I'm going to get my revenge. I'm going to fight for humanity and wipe out every last Titan." Eren said.

"That's very noble of you." Lilly said and gave him a small smile.

Lilly was thankful she didn't have to go through any of that. That her parents were still alive and well. But did this make her selfish for not staying home to enjoy this luxury? 

She had chosen to leave behind what so many of these soldiers had already lost. And she left it all because she felt she had something to prove to herself and her family.

But that was still reason enough. 

She wanted to help humanity too. She still thought of that widowed wife and her now fatherless child in Trost. Hearing these stories of the soldiers around her and their losses made her want to fight more. She wanted to fight so no one else would have to lose what she was blessed with everyday. 

She wanted to become strong and fight beside them, and see humanity's victory. 

They were all in this together.

 

They were now her new family.


	6. Chapter 6: Gas Pains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Graduation of the 104th Cadet Corps, year 850. Lilly is now 22.

It was now year 850. 

Three years had now passed.

Graduation from training was the next day and everyone had grown so much. Whether it be in wisdom, strength or skill, they were completely different people from when they first started.

For Lilly, it had been all three. She trained long and hard, completely dedicated to her goal.

Whenever she felt her body start to give in to exhaustion, she pushed even harder. She had built more muscle while still maintaining a womanly figure. 

She was strong.

Emotionally, it had been a battle for her. 

Mostly on nights where she thought of her parents and how worried they must have been. She knew they either had thought she and April had been murdered or captured into human trafficking, or they knew they had joined the military. 

But they never showed up to see if she was actually there at training camp. Maybe it was better that way. The guilt of having to lie to her parents when she knew she may never see them again ate at her. It had been three long years since she'd seen them.

But she promised herself she'd live, that way she could ease her own guilt at night before she fell asleep. It was one of the many factors of why she worked so hard. She passed all of her academic work with flying colors. She had always had a good brain for learning. Her mother always told her how easily she picked things up as an infant, and it had definitely stuck with her throughout the years.

Lilly also was skilled with ODM. 

Really, this was her strongest point.

At first she found it difficult to maintain her balance, but she would stay up late at night practicing till she had it right. 

And this was the best part of it all for her. This gear was so much more than a tool to help her defeat the titans. 

It was like it was her own personal set of wings.

It took her high up into the branches at intense speeds, and places she'd never be able to reach otherwise. 

Things looked better when you could view them from great heights. 

Lilly knew she had only started her journey, but she could already feel herself feeling more fulfilled than she had ever felt. 

She had purpose now. 

She had a duty to carry out.

Now, as for hand-to-hand combat, Lilly needed plenty more work. It was definitely not where her skills were, but she didn't beat herself up that much. When would she even need to fight another human anyways? The enemies were the titans. You can't just sucker punch a Titan into submission.

"Lilly, I can't sleep again. Do you have anymore of those tinctures?" April asked as she rolled over in her bunk.

Lilly hadn't slept either, and had she had more of that sleeping tincture that her father taught her how to make, she would have taken a couple drops herself.

"No, I'm sorry. It has to sit for another two weeks before it's strong enough to be used" Lilly rolled over to face April.

April sighed and smiled before rolling back over onto her mattress.

"Ahh it's alright Lilly" April said.

The two girls had always been close. But joining the military together brought their friendship to a whole new level. They had laughed and cried together through all of the ups and downs of their intense and brutal training. They were like sisters at this point.

Lilly had also been happy to see that April and Ben remained together. The couple wasn't afraid to show their public displays of affection. Not that it mattered, they weren't the only two who were hooking up during training. 

They were all still human after all. 

Everyone needed a distraction.

Everyone.

Sometimes Lilly stayed up late wondering what it would be like to be kissed. To be touched in places she had never been touched. 

Her fingers would trace over the skin of her breasts and her stomach, testing out what pleasured her. But she often tried to push these thoughts aside, feeling dirty and disgusted with herself. 

Now that Lilly was 22, she found that her secret desires and thoughts were getting harder to control. And April could see it built up high inside of Lilly in the form of tension. April had tried to push Lilly to spend more time with Jean. 

And believe, they spent plenty of time together. They'd unexpectedly become close friends. But April was pushing for more. 

To at least get Lilly 'fucked' and release some of that built up tension. And Jean would have gladly helped Lilly out, she knew that. 

Jean wasn't exactly discreet about his attraction to Lilly in any way, shape or form. He'd get very obviously jealous if any other male approached Lilly, and tried to sit next to her at any given chance. 

It wasn't that Jean wasn't attractive or skilled. It was that he wanted to take all of his skill and talent and use it to get a spot to hide inside of Wall Sina. 

It was a waste in her eyes.

And hooking up with him would have been fruitless anyways considering she was determined to join the Scout Regiment. 

She might have built up a lot of sexual tension within herself, but she wouldn't just throw her 'innocence' away to anyone. Her parents had still taught her to have standards for herself. 

Hopefully she could still uphold them.

 

..........................

 

Graduation was finally there. 

The fully trained soldiers waited to be called as they stood in line. 

Conny had been included in the top ten, and while Lilly hadn't made the top ten, she had just missed it due to her hand-to-hand scores. 

It didn't matter anyways to her.

She knew she wanted to join the scout regiment. And wooden Titan dummies were not going to be the same as an unpredictable real life Titan.

She was a real soldier now. 

She had done it, she really had. 

She had only wished her parents could have seen her do it. 

She made her way to the hall where they celebrated through the night. She felt joy and pride for her and her friends as she watched them all celebrate. Marco sat across from her and Jean sat down next to her and faced her.

"Hey, congratulations. You did well." Jean said scratching the back of his head bashfully.

"Yeah good work Lilly!" Marco smiled warmly.

"Thank you guys, congrats yourselves for making top ten. Now you get to join the MP just like you wanted. You sure showed Sadies huh?" Lilly grinned.

"Haha I did, didn't I?!" Jean said smugly as he sat up straighter. 

But then he paused and frowned at Lilly.

"You're still joining the Scout regiment, aren't you?" Jean asked in a disappointed voice.

Lilly sighed.

"Yes, I am." Lilly answered and took a sip from her mug.

"I just don't want anything to....happen to you Lilly." Jean said and put his hand on her hand.

Lilly looked up at him and met his eyes. Genuine concern was there. She didn't know what to say. So she was quiet for a moment.

"Have faith in me." She place her hand on his shoulder. He looked down for a moment.

"You know what, you're right. I've seen you train, and you're capable. I hope you kick ass beyond those walls." Jean looked up and smiled.

"Thank you, Jean." Lilly smiled and then noticed April beaming at her from across the room. 

She obviously had the wrong idea. But April was then caught off guard when Benjamin swooped in and kissed her. Lilly laughed at the sight of the lovers' goofy display and then started to stand up.

"Are you leaving?" Jean asked.

"Yeah, it's getting pretty late. It was a big day." Lilly yawned and stretched.

"Yeah, that's for sure. Mind if I walk ya to the barracks?" Jean smiled.

Lilly thought for a moment and looked around. She scratched her chin before she spoke.

"Yeah, That should be fine." Lilly said in an upbeat voice.

"Alright, cool." Jean stood up and flattened out his shirt. "You don't mind, right Marco?"

"Oh no. Go on, I'll be waiting when you get back!" Marco smiled.

Jean nodded and smiled as he and Lilly began to leave.

The two walked out of the hall and out into the cool night air. 

The moon was covered by clouds but still, just enough light shown through to light their path. They walked quietly as crickets chirped around them. Lilly kept her hands in her Training Corps jacket pockets and looked up at the sky.

"It's beautiful out tonight, huh?" Jean asked.

"Yeah, perfect day to graduate." Lilly replied as they stood outside the women's barracks.

Jean stood awkwardly as if he was expecting something.

"Well thanks for walking with me. Have a great night-" Lilly was interrupted when Jean suddenly kissed her on the mouth. Her face grew red and she panicked. Her mind raced to find a way out of the situation.

"Oh um, wow I just got some really bad gas pains. Gotta go take care of that!" She laughed nervously as she opened the door and slid behind it.

"Goodnight!" She called out and shut the door before she could see his reaction.

A boy had never tried to kiss her before and she really hadn't expected it. And gas pains? Really? She leaned against the door for a moment and closed her eyes. 

She just didn't know if she could return Jean's affection.

He had become a good friend. She couldn't look at him as more than that. She had more important things to focus on.

Lilly made her way to her dorm and collapsed in her bunk. She was looking forward to returning to Trost the next day to see the Survey Corps off again on another expedition beyond the walls. She remembered the last time she had gone when she was 19. 

The smells and the sounds. 

Some pleasant, some not so much.

And then she recalled the  heartbreaking sight of families being torn apart. The sounds of their sobs as sad realization came crashing down on them. 

And then she remembered how Clyde had insulted the Captain loud enough for him to hear and to actually stare him down.... And how the Captain's icy gaze landed on her, and pierced into her. How she couldn't look away from those eyes that seemed to study her. Devour her.

Chills ran all over her skin as she remembered.

 

She'd never forgotten.


	7. Chapter 7: What’s It called When Things Happen Twice?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know things have been slow, but it’s intentional. I want it to feel like you know Lilly before things really get serious and crazy. Thank you for reading!

The next morning Lilly woke up feeling brand new. 

She met up with April and Ben in Trost where they waited amongst the crowd to see the survey corps off again. 

The smell was just the same as she remembered it, but this time the familiar sent of fresh baked goods almost made it bearable. 

It was a cool and cloudy day which made it more comfortable to stand this time too. The cool breeze hit Lilly's face and she smiled. She had worn her hair down that day for once. 

She had cut it twice during training to avoid any hazard, but it had grown out long again and hung down over her breasts. 

She noticed that many of the new recruits she had trained with stood in the crowd as well to watch, including Eren, Armin, and Mikasa. Kids cheered as the survey corps made their way down the street. Leading once again was Erwin Smith.

"There goes my tax dollars. Filling the stomachs of titans." A man grumbled.

Lilly rolled her eyes. 

She learned to ignore such comments. It was soldiers like the ones in the Survey Corps who were humanity's only chance of things ever changing. 

If they didn't keep trying, they'd never change a thing.

April stood beside Lilly while holding Ben's hand. April swung her hand happily and hummed. Thankfully, they had gotten there early enough to get a spot in the front of the crowd for better viewing. Lilly watched as more soldiers passed by on their horses, and suddenly she felt a small child pushing by her legs. A toddler. He darted out past her and headed towards the horses. 

"Horsey!" The child innocently cooed.

He was going to get trampled. 

Lilly shot her arm out to grab him but he slipped out of her reach. She tripped and fell to her knees but quickly recovered.

"Lilly!" April cried out.

The child was about to run out in front of a black horse but Lilly dove in front of the horse, shielding the child as the horse reared up.

"Hey, woah!" The rider's voice called out to his horse.

The crowd mumbled. The frightened child was crying loudly, tears and snots running down his face. Lilly bent over to pick the child up, and he buried his face in her pale hair, sobbing. 

Lilly looked up at the horse who had now settled down, and up into its rider's icy cold glare.

"....You..." She whispered to her self. 

It was him. 

Lieutenant Levi.

"What?-" He started and paused.

His eyes softened for a moment as they had before as his eyes met hers. But then suddenly his face grew more serious.

"Tch. Get that kid to his mother." The Captain ordered in an annoyed tone as he and his horse started to move around Lilly and the child. 

"S-Sir." She said.

The horses that were behind him continued to follow him.

Lilly's mouth hung open as her heart continued to beat out of her chest from the adrenaline.

"That's my baby!" A worried woman's voice called out.

Just then a woman ran up to Lilly and took the child from her.

"Thank you so much, you saved his life! I-I...."

"It's no problem. It's my job." Lilly smiled at the woman and   
then at the boy before returning her gaze up to the Scouts as the left the gates.

 

 

..........................................

 

 

Later in the day, Lilly had started to make her way back to the end of Trost by herself. 

The sun was starting to get lower, and the breeze had died down. She looked down at the cobblestone as her feet carried her. The district became quieter as people settled home from their jobs. Children returned home from a long day of play. 

It was peaceful. 

But then she heard a giant boom and then shrieks coming from behind her. 

She quickly spun around, and saw nothing wrong immediately. 

Then it caught her eye. 

The colossal titan stood over the wall. Peering into Trost. Lilly froze in her tracks. She couldn't move. She had only heard stories of this Titan. 

She hadn't even seen a normal titan let alone the colossal titan. 

Then in the distance, she saw it swing it's arm and knock off some of the cannons off the wall. Lilly's mouth hung open and her eyes were wide. She had never seen anything so terrifying in her life.

Th titan began to steam. The clouds engulfed it completely and when the steam disappeared, so had the titan. Vanished into thin air.

"There's a breach in the wall!" One person screamed.

"It's happening all over again!" A woman cried.

Lilly ran back towards the direction of the breach. She ran as fast as she could and her lungs felt like they were going to collapse. She knew there was nothing now protecting them from titans pouring in through the wall.

All her training led up to this moment.

Garrison soldiers started pouring into the streets as the bells rang. They had started evacuating the district. 

Then the sound of cannons filled the air. 

They had started firing at the approaching titans. 

They were coming. 

Screams echoed in Lilly's ears. Citizens pushed past her as they were all fleeing in the opposite direction.

"Cadet, this way!" A garrison soldier called out to Lilly.

She followed him into the storage base.

"Fill your fuel tanks and make sure your blades are in good condition. Time to test what you were taught." The garrison soldier saluted her quickly before running off to take care of his own supplies.

There she happened to see Eren, Mikasa, and Armin fueling up. She didn't have time to stop what she was doing to hear what they knew about the situation.

Then she wondered where April, Ben, Jean and Conny were. 

She closed her eyes hard and tried to wipe the worry away so she could focus. Her hands were shaking as she tried to fuel her tanks. 

Once finished, she ran outside she saw Kitz Woermann, Captain of the Garrison Regiment's 1st division elite forces. He was giving everyone commands on what to do next. She seemed to have missed most of what he was saying, but she came out just in time to hear him finish.

"Your mission is a very simple one: Defend the wall until the evacuation is done!" He yelled out.

The soldiers all looked frightened. 

She was frightened.

"Now be aware, all of you. Desertion is punishable by execution. If it comes to it, lay down your lives! Dismissed!" He yelled into the crowd.

"Sir!" They all saluted.

They all started running. Then Lilly ran into Jean. She put her hand on his back to get his attention. He was frowning.

"Why did this have to happen now? Just one more day and I'd be heading for the interior." He grumbled.

"Jean, we have to fight. Now is not the time for this!" Lilly shook him.

"You're right." He paused and sighed. "Let's get going."

Lilly nodded. They started to move and then Jean ran into Eren with a thud. 

Jean growled.

"What the hell man?! What's your problem?!" Eren shouted and raised his fist.

Lilly groaned in frustration. It was like watching a child!

"What kind of question is that?! We're all about to be titan chow! You expect me to sing you a happy little song?! You're loving this aren't you, you little psycho?!" Jean yelled.

"Jean! Let's go!" Lilly yelled and grabbed his arm.

He turned to face her and he looked terrified. She stepped closer to him and looked him in the eyes. He swallowed softly.

"Jean please. We trained for three years. It was hell. But we made it. What's one more day? We were trained for this. We can do it. You can do it." Lilly said calmly.

"She's right you know. We can do this. The Military Police will   
be waiting for you tomorrow." Eren added in.

Jean nodded.

"Let's go." He said.

 

............................

 

Lilly soared over the rooftops and through the streets. 

Smoke was rising into the air, the fumes of it filled her lungs. She began to cough. 

Then she saw them for the first time.

The titans.

Her body went numb as she watched from the rooftop. The sky burned red like the blood of the soldiers being spilled at the gates. 

She couldn't move.

They were filling the streets like a bad dream. 

The vanguard was completely overwhelmed.

Blood curdling screams filled the air. Lilly could see the titans grabbing for people. And as she got closer, she could see that they were her fellow trainees.

"No...."

Shock and horror took over Lilly's pale face. She choked on her breath. Screams caught in her throat that wouldn't come out. 

She collapsed to her knees and tried to breathe. 

She held her chest as she kneeled up on the rooftop.

She had always told herself to be strong. 

To ignore the fear she would have when she saw the titans for the first time. 

But this was too much. 

It was hell.

All of the blood....

"Lilly!" Conny landed next to her. 

He looked down at her.

"You gotta get up!" He yelled.

Lilly closed her eyes. 

She needed to focus.

She lived a sheltered life up until now. And she was just now seeing her friends be torn into pieces. Their blood painted the streets for humanity as the civilians evacuated. 

This is what it meant to devote your heart.

To lay down your life.

To be a soldier.

Then the bells started to ring. Conny looked up.

"The evacuation is finished. That's our call to retreat to the   
walls." Conny said in a low tone.

Lilly got back to her feet. 

Her hair blew across her face and the wind howled as it blew in between the buildings. Conny launched off the rooftop and headed towards the walls. 

She felt useless.

She couldn't force herself to contribute. She trained hard and thought she was ready. 

But she hadn't been. 

Lilly followed Conny as they flew over the bodies in the streets of her fellow cadets.

 

Some things did not look better.......

 

........when you could view them from great heights.


	8. Humanity’s Next Move

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trost continued, Eren’s Trial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for reading and subscribing! It really gives me the motivation to keep writing.

Lilly stood with Mikasa as she watched Erin's Titan form take his final steps and dropped the boulder in front of the breach. 

It was all surreal.

Many of their fellow soldiers had died evacuating Trost, and many had died trying to reclaim the head quarters that was surrounded by titans. It made for a terrible situation as Lilly and many others were stranded on rooftops without fuel, and without a way to get to the supply room at headquarters. 

In those moments, she had wondered if she had really been cut out for this. 

Had she been wrong to leave her life behind? 

Was any of this worth it? 

But then, like an answered prayer, the abnormal Titan-slaying Titan emerged into the streets, rampaging. The Titan had been their saving grace. It had slaughtered all the titans surrounding headquarters, and all that was left for Lilly and her fellow soldiers to do from there was to secure the supply room again.

Baby steps, she had told herself.

The Titan-slaying Titan gave Lilly strength as she watched it tear the titans' bodies to shreds. It was like this abnormal Titan was the embodiment of humanity's sorrow turned into   
anger and revenge.

But as it turned out, after the Abnormal Titan had fallen, it was Eren who emerged. 

Eren Jaeger. 

But how? 

How could a human transform into a Titan? 

Did he know this all along? Did Mikasa know? What was their motive? Could they be trusted? 

All things Lilly had questioned at that point in time.

But humanity had no choice but to trust Eren and his ability. And that's when the plan: to use Eren's Titan form and it's strength to carry the boulder from the center of Trost to the breach to block it, was born.

It had not been all that easy. Lilly and many others had to defend Eren so that he could complete his task. And this time Lilly was brave. She didn't cower on the rooftops and watch as her friends were devoured. 

She took charge.

She had flown through the air with great speed and agility, slicing through the titans' napes with tears in her eyes. 

Oh it was frightening and liberating all at once.

Warm blood splattered onto her fair skin and hair, and it was all she could taste.

It made her hungry. 

The blood of the titans fed her fire. 

The rage boiled in her blood, taste for revenge hot on her tongue. 

The smoke filled wind blew into her eyes and it made her angrier. She growled as she spun down and slashed at a titan's nape who was about to devour a garrison soldier. The soldier yelled as he was dropped from the titan's grubby hand and Lilly swung under him just in time to break his fall to the ground. They tumbled across the brick road together and the look in his eyes, she'll never forget. 

Sheer horror, but relief and gratitude. 

Sweat and dirt covered his tanned face. He smiled with tears in his eyes and embraced her tightly.

"Thank you" He had whispered.

It was that feeling in that moment, that told her to never doubt herself again.

 

.......................

 

Eren's Titan form collapsed against the boulder after he had dropped it. His Titan's body began to steam.

They had done it.

Humanity's first victory against the titans. 

And Lilly had been a part of it. 

Lilly looked down at the necklace around her neck. Her mother had given it to her the morning Lilly left. 

It was a small silver pendant, in the shape of a birch leaf. It hung from a thin silver chain, and rested comfortably around Lilly's neck. She hadn't worn it once until the morning after she had completed training.

"Here, this is for you. It was my mother's, and she had given it to me when I got engaged to get married to your father. Think of it as your 'becoming a woman' gift." Lilly's mother's face burned brilliantly in her mind as she stood there, holding the necklace. 

Lilly chose to wait to wear it till after she completed training, because then, and only then would she consider herself a real woman.  
But now, she was so much more, she was part of history. 

She stood alongside Humanity's heroes on that day.

Nobody died in vain.

Lilly jumped down with Mikasa and stood in front of Eren's Titan form. Hot steam emitted from it. Conny jumped down and stood behind Lilly.

"Oi! We have to withdraw and slay the remaining titans!" Conny shouted urgently.

Lilly turned around to see titans approaching quickly, their footsteps booming loudly in the streets. 

She stood calmly and took in a deep breath.

"We will withdraw as soon as we recover Eren!" Mikasa shouted and turned to watch Armin pulling Eren's body out of the Titan. 

It appeared to be stuck.

"How is Eren?" Mikasa asked.

"His limbs are stuck in the titan's flesh!" Armin yelled frantically as he tugged.

Then Mikasa jumped up and cut Eren free, causing Armin to fall with Erin to the ground. Lilly ran up to Armin to inspect Eren. He was unconscious. Armin breathed heavily, his hair clung to his forehead.

"He's okay." Armin gave a quick smile.

"When will he wake up?" Lilly asked.

"I'm not quite sure, but I know he'll be okay." Armin said.

But just then giant dark shadows loomed over them. Lilly looked up into the eyes of two grinning titans looking down at them. 

She glared into their eyes fearlessly as she began to pull her blades out. 

One of the Titans reached out it's hand and Lilly pulled her trigger, launching an anchor into it's shoulder. She released and was propelled off it's shoulder where she shot out another anchor into the back of it's neck and swung herself into the air to get into position to make the kill. But then a flash of green whirled by her.

"What the hell?" She whispered to herself.

Then suddenly she caught the glimpse of the wings of freedom on the back of the cape. 

Survey corps. 

The elites were there.

The caped attacker spun down into the titan's nape with great speed. She had never seen anything like it.

Lilly glanced over to see the second titan had already been downed. Lilly's anchor was still buried in the titan's flesh, so the weight of the Titan falling to the ground pulled her with it. She fell with a thud on top of the steaming titan's body. 

She got to her hands and knees and was panting. She looked down at her bloodied hands, dirt stuck under her nails. Her necklace dangled in front of her face and she closed her eyes. 

Then a thud in front of her caused her to open them.

Two boots stood in front of her. She looked up to see the icy stare of Captain Levi.

His mouth was in a slight frown as he looked down at her, his eyes cold and bored looking. 

He reached out his hand. 

It was slightly calloused and hard looking, yet inviting as it hung out in front of her. She tucked her pale hair behind her ear before reaching out and grabbing his hand which then firmly grasped her delicate hand. 

He pulled her up quickly and easily. She stood in front of him, quietly in awe.

Humanity's strongest soldier stood before her.

He had only been two inches taller than her, but his strength radiated off his body. He stood firmly and confidently, but made it seem so nonchalant. She shivered involuntarily in front of him. His black hair hung slightly in his face, as he reached down and pulled out a handkerchief of some sort and wiped his hand off. He looked down at Eren, Mikasa and Armin before looking back at Lilly.

"Hey, you kids." Levi began as he looked over his shoulder at them. "What's the situation here?"

 

.............................

 

After that, the Survey Corps and the Garrison's engineers came rushing in. It had taken an entire day to eliminate all titans inside of Trost.

The fixed artillery had been spitting fire non-stop. While the Explosive shells disposed of most of the titans, the Survey Corps mopped up the rest. They also successfully captured both a 4-meter and a 7-meter tall Titan. However, 207 soldiers were either dead or missing in action. 897 were wounded.

And Lilly was fortunate enough to have survived.

 

..............

 

Lilly walked through the streets with Jean, looking for the missing or dead soldiers.

Sounds of flames near by were the only noise that was in the air. They hadn't really spoken much, Lilly had no desire to really speak to anyone. Her mind was filled with rotten bloody memories from the previous hours and for now she just wanted some peace. 

Suddenly Jean stopped in his tracks. He gasped as he looked down the street to his right. He walked down the street towards whatever caught his eye. Lilly silently turned to follow. Her footsteps echoed in the empty street as she approached Jean. He stood in front of a body, leaned against the wall of a shop. When she got closer, her eyes widened at the realization of who the body belonged to.

"Marco.....is that you?" Jean whispered.

Marco's body was half eaten, it was hard to see anyone like this, let alone someone she knew. Someone she'd gotten close to.

She closed her eyes to shield her vision from further viewing before turning on her heel to face the other way.

It was Jean who'd first introduced her to him. Marco was one of the most kind young men she ever met, with such a sweet and gentle disposition. 

He didn't deserve this.

Lilly's eyes swelled with tears.

"How could this happen?" Jean asked.

Just then a woman approached with a clipboard. One of the many collectors of the dead.

"Do you know who he was?" Jean was silent.

"It's been two days since the breach was sealed and we are still finding bodies. There's a risk of epidemic breaking out. We don't have time to mourn the fallen yet. Do you understand?" The woman with the face mask asked.

Jean looked back at Marco and frowned.

"The 104th Training Corps, leader of squad 19, Marco Bott."

"Marco huh? Glad we know his name." She began to write as she walked away.

Lilly stayed quiet, as there was nothing she could say to ease the pain of her friend.

She just wrapped her arms around him instead, and let him bury his face in her neck.

 

......................

 

Word had gone around that Eren was taken into custody and was going to be put on trial to figure out what humanity was going to do with him.

And whether he lived or died. 

Lilly had then been called as a witness for the trial along with Mikasa and Armin.

She took her seat on a hard wooden bench next to the two friends. She looked up at the ceilings which had beautiful paintings on them. Paintings of angelic beings flying up in the clouds. The ceiling was supported by many intricately detailed support beams that came down to the floors. It was probably the nicest room Lilly had ever been in. 

The floors were white and grey marble. One side of the courtroom had large windows that let in large amounts of sunlight that filled the room. Lilly looked around to see many civilians were seated here as well, all with unsure or angry faces.

Then Eren entered the room escorted by two Garrison soldiers. One held a rifle to his back as they chained him to a pole in the middle of the room. 

The sight made Lilly uncomfortable, but definitely made Mikasa furious. 

Lilly watched as Mikasa clenched her fists. 

To the right side of Lilly sat Captain Levi and Commander Erwin Smith. Lilly tried hard not to look to her right, to avoid looking at the captain seated next to her. 

The energy pouring off him made her nervous and uncomfortable. She then parted her hair to the side to create a barrier between her and the captain, but bumped his elbow in doing so.

"Sorry..." She whispered without looking at him.

She felt his gaze shift to her, and she looked to meet his eyes. 

Piercing steely eyes. His eyes shifted from hers to her hair that flowed down the side of her arm and back. He looked back up into her eyes and his eyes narrowed.

"Just watch where you're flinging your hair, brat." He said as he pulled one of her fallen strands off his arm and let it fall between them.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean-" He turned away before she could finish her apology.

Boy, was he rough.

Then an older man sat down at a desk in front of Eren who was kneeling down before him. 

It was the Supreme Commander.

"Now let us begin."

Everyone looked up.

"Eren Jaeger correct? You are the soldier that offered his life up for mankind?"

"Yes." Eren Answered.

"This trial will be a special court-martial in which common law does not apply, with the final decision being left entirely up to me. We shall also decide if you live or die."

Lilly looked to Mikasa who's face was tight and angry. She watched as Mikasa sat up straighter.

"I knew it." Armin said.

"Shit." Lilly whispered as she cradled her hands in her lap and looked down at them.

"Do you have any objections?" The man at the desk asked.

"No." Eren leaned forward, looking worried.

"Through this trial, we will decide which military faction will be in charge of your custody. Either Military Police or Survey Corps. Let us begin with the Military Police opening statement."

Lilly heard Levi let out a bored sigh next to her.

A man with dark hair stood up and began to speak from across the room.

"Your honor, as Commander of the Military Police Brigade, I, Nike Dok, propose: after conducting a thorough examination of Eren's body, we dispose of him in a prompt manner. It can't be denied that his Titan power allowed us to repel the latest attack. However, his existence is also a source of discord that can incite rebellion. We propose having him die a hero of mankind."

Just then a holy man from the church stood up and pointed at Eren.

"There's no need for that! He's vermin that undermined the sacred walls by intruding our lands. You must kill him now!"

Mikasa's jaw clenched and Armin put his hand on her arm. 

Lilly sunk a little on the bench and crossed her ankles. She looked to the back side of the room where the priest stood shouting. She leaned forward again and the bench creaked. 

Levi's head turned to face her and he glared at her sternly.

"Stop fidgeting." Levi ordered her.

She nodded and looked down, embarrassed.

"Now let's hear the Survey Corps statement."  
Commander Erwin stood up on the other side of Levi.

"Your honor, as the Thirteenth Commander of the Survey Corps, I, Erwin Smith Propose: We the Survey Corps will accept Eren as an official member and use his Titan power to recapture Wall Maria. That is all."

The room was quiet. No one said a word for a moment.

"Hm, that is all?" The Supreme Commander asked.

"Yes. If we use his Titan power, we can reclaim Wall Maria. I think it is clear what needs to be prioritized." Erwin said.

"I see. On that note, where do you plan to begin such an operation? Pixis, the gate at Trost has been sealed, correct?"

"Yes, and I doubt it will ever be opened again." Pixis replied.

"We intend to go through Karanse District in the east instead." Erwin said.

People began to shout over each other at this point, bickering, insulting the Survey Corps.

"We are sick of you morons trying to play hero!" A man shouted.

Lilly felt Levi tense next to her and she glanced at him curiously.

"You've got a big mouth, swine." Levi said, his expression didn't change.

The man's mouth hung open.

"Who's to say the Titans will sit by and wait for the gates to be sealed? The 'We' you're talking about only refers to the friends you grow fat with, no?" Levi asked.

Lilly's eyes went wide as she watched Levi speak fearlessly beside her.

"Are you saying you swine haven't noticed the people suffering from hunger due to the lack of land?" Levi continued.

"All we're saying is that we'll be saved if the walls are sealed-"

"Enough already, you boor! You want mere humans to tamper with Wall Rose, a gift from God?!" The priest shouted.

"Their beliefs are what caused the arming of the walls to take so long." Armin whispered.

The Supreme Commander slapped his hand on the desk to quiet the bickering.

"Order in the court, you may argue elsewhere."

The room was quiet.

"Eren, can you continue to assist mankind as you have so far and utilize the power to the same end?"

"Yes I can!" Eren said.

"It says in the report from Trost District that after transforming into a Titan, that you swung your fist at Mikasa Ackerman. Is this true?"

Mikasa glared at Rico who was seated next to her.

"What, you wanted me to lie in a report?" Rico asked Mikasa through her teeth.

"Is Mikasa Ackerman here?"

"Yes, I'm here." Mikasa stood.

"Is this true?"

Mikasa was quiet. Lilly could see she was warring with herself. But if she lied, it would only hurt Eren.

"Yes, it is." Mikasa answered.

The room began to grumble.

"Eren also saved me twice while he was in Titan form. I would like you to also take these facts into consideration." She added.

The room broke out in argument once again, accusing Mikasa of being biased given her childhood with Eren. They Even accused her of being a Titan herself. Lilly's heart was pounding throughout the arguments.

"Wait! I might be a monster but Mikasa has nothing to do with it at all!" Eren shouted.

"As if we can trust you!" A man shouted.

"No!" Eren clanged his chains against the metal pole loudly that he was hooked to. He leaned forward solemnly. The room went quiet again.

"I mean.... you're wrong. How can we afford to not let those with power fight?! You're scared of fighting to survive? Then lend me your strength!" Eren shouted.

Levi's arm brushed against Lilly's as he stood quietly and made his way towards Eren.

"You damn cowards! Just shut up and place your bets on me!" Eren's screams echoed in the courtroom.

Silence fell and the soldiers began aiming their rifles at Eren. 

Then Levi approached Eren and kicked him across the face with powerful force, sending a tooth flying across the room. 

Lilly put her hand over her mouth as she watched in horror. Mikasa began to stand but Armin grabbed her arm. Levi kicked Eren again and then grabbed a fist of his hair and elbowed him in the face. Levi continued to beat on Eren, bloodying Eren's face. 

At one point, Lilly had to look away.

Then Levi brought Eren's face to the ground and Levi stepped on Eren's head with one boot.

"This is just my pet theory. I think pain and discipline go hand in hand. What you need now isn't a lecture, but training. You're in a good position for me to kick too." Levi said in a low tone.

He began to kick Eren hard repeatedly. Eren gasped and groaned with every kick.

"Stop Levi." Nile spoke and put his hand out.

"What?" Levi turned to look at Nile with his boot against Eren's face.

"That's dangerous. What will you do if he gets angry and transforms?" Nile asked.

Levi kicked Eren again.

"What're you saying?" Levi asked as he reached down and grabbed Eren's hair and turned his head to face Nile.

"You guys gonna dissect him right? In his Titan form he apparently killed 20 other titans before he ran out of gas. As an enemy, his intellect could pose as a problem for us. He still wouldn't be a match for me though." Levi said plainly.

The room was still. Lilly felt uncomfortable and really just wanted to leave.

"How about the lot of you? Those of you speaking out against him should think it through. Can you really kill him?" Levi asked.

"Supreme Commander, I have a proposal." Commander Erwin said as he raised his hand.

"Yes?" The Supreme Commander asked with interest.  
All heads turned to where they sat.

"Eren's Titan power has many uncertain points to it, which poses a constant threat. So I propose he be entrusted to Lance Corporal Levi and taken out on an expedition." Erwin said.

"You'll bring Eren outside?" The Supreme Commander asked.

"Yes. I would like Eren's control over his Titan power and his worth to mankind to be judged off the results of that expedition." Erwin said.

"Handling Eren Jaeger....Can you do it Levi?" The Commander asked

Levi looked down at the bloodied boy kneeled before him.

"I'm certain I could kill him. The problem would be that there'll be no alternative." Levi said.

Lilly looked to Mikasa, she looked pained at the situation. Her black hair shielded her eyes.

This whole situation was very nerve wracking. What was Humanity's next move?

"I've made my decision. I grant custody of Eren to the Scout Regiment and leave him under the watch of Lance Corporal Levi.

 

They all sighed in relief.


	9. Clumsy Brat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morning after enlistment.

After the night she enlisted, Lilly road horseback on her way to her new home: Scout Headquarters. 

Alongside her was April, Ben, Jean, Conny, and a few others who had reluctantly signed up to the Scout Regiment. 

The morning air was crisp, and there wasn't much conversation on the way there. Lilly knew she was one of the few who signed up without a second thought. Commander Erwin's words echoed in her mind from the previous night.

"You are all brave soldiers."

Fluffy white clouds floated in the bright blue sky above them. Warm sunshine glittered through the leaves of the small forests that they road through as they approached an old castle-looking building with many smaller buildings surrounding it. The wings of freedom banner blew in the breeze against the wall of the building it hung from.

Lilly was thankful she spotted so many useful herbs close by. 

She wouldn't need to travel very far if she needed to make something. She carried a cloth bag of some useful medicines and jars of teas across her chest, and adjusted it as she looked forward.

"Looks like we are here." Lilly said to April who looked paler than usual.

"Yeah, yippee...." April frowned.

"It's okay, we can do this. And I'll be here for you when things go sour." Ben reassured his lover.

April gave him a weak smile and then looked forward. Lilly knew all along that this wasn't what her friend truly wanted. 

But April was a stubborn girl. Stubborn and in love. And she was going to follow her lover to the ends of the earth.

Once they entered, they were shown their barracks, training area, study room, mess hall, and Commanders' offices, which had their own sleeping areas attached right above them. 

It made sense, Lilly thought. 

She really couldn't picture Commander Erwin or Captain Levi sleeping in the men's barracks with everyone else.

Especially Captain Levi.

Lilly was on her way to the mess hall when she saw that Mikasa and Armin were speaking with Eren. She smiled to herself. 

It was good that they were all there together. She knew how close they all were, and it must have been so hard to be apart, especially given Eren's circumstances. 

Out of the corner of her eye, Lilly saw someone watching them as well from the stable entrance. Captain Levi stood there with his horse for a moment watching the trio of friends before leading his horse out into the grassy enclosure. Lilly walked quietly past the three friends and stood on the other side of the horse supply shed before the enclosure, just out of the captain's view.

She watched him with curiosity as he pet the horse's long face tenderly. And then she saw him sneak out a small carrot out of his cape pocket. He held the carrot up to the horse's mouth and the dark creature accepted it happily. 

The horses weren't supposed to be fed anything other than hay because the rations were expensive. But she supposed that was unfair considering the horses carried them out in battle, and they needed good nutrition as well.

By then, Lilly had stepped out further to watch. It was strange to her to see the very same man, who appeared so cold and harsh, and who had brutally beat Eren to a bloody pulp, be so gentle and tender. 

Even if it was only to his horse.

Lilly leaned against the wooden fence post absentmindedly. Her new green Scout cloak caught on a loose nail sticking out, and as she leaned down to set it free, her weight shifted and the fence post creaked loudly. Her eyes widened and she   
clenched her teeth.

"Son of a bitch!" She cursed through her teeth quietly to herself while fumbling with the green fabric and the nail.

Captain Levi turned his head, his gaze on her now. His expression was blank, and he began to take a step towards her direction. Her breath got caught in her throat and her face became warm. 

He had caught her watching him.

She leaned against the post for more support while she tried to free herself before Levi got to her, but suddenly it creaked louder. 

Then, as if things couldn't get any worse, it snapped. Lilly crashed down with the fence post, bringing down three other sections which then startled the horses. Lilly covered her face with both her hands to hide her embarrassment while she lay on her back in the grass. 

She then felt Levi's shadow over her. She spread a couple of her fingers that were covering her eyes to peak up at him. 

He was not happy.

"Hey, Rookie." He said as he grabbed her by the collar and yanked her up off the ground. 

He held her just inches from his face and glared into her eyes. His eyes shifted between the both of hers, which had started to search the details of his face. His dark brows were furrowed above his steely orbs. Her eyes then traced over his jawline and up to his lips. When she looked back up to his eyes, she realized that he had watched her eyes as they went on their little adventure around his face. Her cheeks burned redder and she opened her mouth to speak.

"I-." She uttered out.

"You were watching me." He accused flatly.

"No!" She said defensively.

He paused, and almost seemed amused at her embarrassment and obvious fib.

"It doesn't matter what you were doing really, you clumsy brat. You will go to the maintenance building and notify them of this incident. You will then assist them reconstruct this fence." He said as he let go of her collar.

She looked down at her feet and frowned silently.

"Go now." He said as he turned around.

"Yes sir." She said in a quiet voice as she turned her back to him as well.

She was so embarrassed, she felt tears stinging her eyes. She had been there for not even an hour, and already managed to make herself look like a complete idiot in front of the captain. 

She patted her eyes with her cloak before opening the wooden door of the maintenance building. Two men were there stocking their supplies and turned when she walked in. They stared at her for a moment and she shifted her feet.

"I um- I need help." She said sheepishly.

"I haven't seen you before. Are you a new recruit?" The man asked.

"Yes I am, and it seems I have already broken something." She said with a frown tugging heavily on her lips.

"Like what?" The man asked.

"The horse enclosure, I accidentally broke a post which then knocked down the sections around it.....Captain Levi told me to come here to let you know and help you." She said as she scratched her head nervously.

The two men smirked.

"It's really no problem. You don't have to help us. We can fix it." The man said.

"Besides, you'd be late to Lunch." The second man said.

"I really feel like I should help you." She said.

The two men looked at each other again and shrugged. One man grabbed a hammer and handed it to Lilly. The other man grabbed some wood.

 

"Let's get to it then."

 

.............................................

Lilly stumbled into the mess hall half an hour late after building the fence. Most of the soldiers had finished their meals and were just hanging out at their tables. Lilly grabbed a small plate and turned around to see if she could spot April.

"Lilly! Over here!" April called out from a table, waving her arms and grinning.

Lilly smiled and made her way over and took a seat. Then Lilly felt a warm hand on her back. She looked up and saw Jean. He took a seat next to her and smiled.

"Where were you? Lunch started over half an hour ago. What'd you get lost?" Jean asked.

"Yeah what's up?" April asked.

"Well I broke something and had to fix it." Lilly said as she picked up a bread roll from her plate.

"Broke what?" Ben asked while he leaned on his arm.

"I accidentally broke part of the horse enclosure and Captain Levi got angry with me and made me help fix it." Lilly blurted out.

April looked off to the side to where Levi and Hange sat. 

Miche leaned against the wall by their table with his arms crossed. Petra sat across from Levi next to Olou who seemed to be mimicking Levi's posture. Levi had very little on his plate. He held his tea cup up to his face in the most peculiar way, as his bored eyes peered over his hand. Hange appeared to be yapping away happily in his ear while Petra scolded Olou. Miche sniffed the air and looked over to Lilly and smirked. 

Lilly looked down quickly with her eyes wide.

"Getting off on a bad start with the captain is probably the last thing you want to do, Lilly." Ben said as he sat up.

"I wasn't trying to....He will see. I'll prove my worth around here." Lilly said confidently.

"I know you will. You're one of the most skilled out of the new recruits." April smiled and placed her hand on Lilly's hand.

Lilly looked up at April and smiled warmly.

Chatter started to die down as the soldiers left the mess hall to go to the training grounds. The Commander and the Captain were going to observe the new recruits' skills in ODM gear and hand-to-hand combat.

Lilly stood tall and confidently as she entered the training grounds. She was going to show them what she was made of. She wasn't a clumsy rookie or a stupid little girl. She was a real soldier. 

A Titan-slaughtering soldier.

And she'd make them all see.


	10. Self Worth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skill Observation

Lilly flew through the tall trees as Titan dummies one by one jumped out at her. Her determination to prove herself ensured she dodged them all, as well as landing every 'killing' blow.

"Whooo! Lilly get it girl!" April cheered as she stood among the other recruits observing.

They had taken turns running through the course. She made sure to toss a conceited glance at Captain Levi every once in a while after landing a blow at the dummies. He had stood with his arms crossed, eyes glued to her every move.

Lilly landed in front of Commander Erwin and brushed the dirt off herself.

"Excellent work Lilly. I'd say she was in the top few for ODM performance out of the new recruits, wouldn't you Levi?" Erwin looked down at Levi standing beside him.

Lilly's eyes darted to Levi, eagerly awaiting his feedback. She knew she had messed up earlier in front of him, and she was dying to prove herself and even perhaps land herself with the elites. 

But that would never happen if Levi saw her as a "clumsy brat".

"Not bad. Upper body is obviously strained. The cuts are too shallow." He critiqued.

Lilly fumed internally. 

Are you kidding me?

"Ah Yes, maybe some extra upper body exercise would fix that. But really over all, great work." Commander Erwin patted Lilly's back as she walked over to Jean.

"Hey you did great." Jean said as he slapped Lilly's small back with encouragement.

"Not great enough apparently. But it's okay, I'll just work on what they said needed work until there's nothing left for me to fix." Lilly smiled again.

"That's the spirit. Looks like we are headed over to the hand-to-hand combat area now. What a day." Jean said as he started to follow the other recruits.

Lilly walked in the grass behind him, occasionally bending over to pick up dandelion greens and tucking them away in her bag. Once they were at the combat training area, they were paired with partners. Lilly was paired with Bertholdt. They had trained together, but she never really talked to him. He was tall and quiet, with dark brown hair. He had a gentle energy to him which made Lilly feel better considering fighting was not her strong point.

"Um, you can throw the first punch." Bertholdt said, standing to brace himself.

"Are you sure? You can go first if you want." Lilly said as she tucked her hair behind her ear.

"I just don't want to hurt you is all." Bertholdt said quietly.

Lilly sighed. She knew she was going to have to work on her fighting skills. It was bad enough that everyone already looked at her as a small and fragile woman.

"Okay then." She huffed.

She took her stance and then Bertholdt took his. She then charged and swung at him, but he quickly dodged it and deflected her other arm with his forearm. She went to raise her knee, but he lodged his leg behind her other leg, throwing her balance off and landing her on her back.

"Hey what the hell man?!" Jean shouted at Bertholdt.

Bertholdt stepped back and Lilly looked up at the sky above her.

"And here we go." Lilly mumbled.

"I was- we were just..." Bertholdt stuttered.

"You better watch it bud! You feel tough knocking down a lady?" Jean spat.

"No, we were just-"

"Jean, I'm fine. He didn't hurt me. He just did what he was ordered to do." Lilly sighed as she picked herself up off the ground.

Jean glared at Bertholdt and nodded at Lilly. He was always watching out for her, and she was thankful he cared. But sometimes he was as suffocating as her parents.

"Here, Bertholdt lets try again. But maybe I could defend this time?" Lilly suggested.

"Yeah we can do that." Bertholdt nodded and glanced over at Jean warily.

Commander Erwin and Captain Levi watched from the side as the pairs sparred. 

Lilly's neck got hot. 

Was she really going to embarrass herself again? 

The pair got into their stances and Bertholdt charged forward with a kick which Lilly successfully dodged. She grinned until the fist that came flying at her unexpectedly caught her in the jaw which knocked her on her butt. Jean stopped his sparring and looked down at her wide eyed and then glared at Bertholdt.

"I'm sorry! I thought you were gonna dodge that one!" Bertholdt said quickly.

Lilly rubbed her jaw silently. She frowned and stared at the dirt.

"Hey. Rookie." Captain Levi's voice called from the side.

Lilly looked up to see him approach her.

"Bertholdt, I'm going to pair you with another recruit so Levi can work with this one." Commander Erwin smiled and nodded at Levi.

Lilly had once again embarrassed herself, but this time in front of everyone.

"Get up." Levi ordered.

"It is important to acknowledge that we all have our own strengths and weaknesses. What you may excel at in one area, another may have more trouble with. That's what we are here for. We are here for each other, and if you need help, then Captain Levi and myself will be available for one-on-one training. We want you all to succeed for Humanity's sake." Commander Erwin announced as he started to walk around the field to watch everyone else hard at work sparring.

Jean looked at Lilly one last time before he turned to continue sparring. Lilly stood up and dusted herself off.

"You know, that was almost painful to watch." Levi said flatly.

"I thought you were here to help me, not taunt me." Lilly shot out with a glare.

Levi measured her with his eyes quickly.

"Go ahead. Attack me." He said as he stood the same.

Lilly got in her stance and heard him scoff.

"Wrong." He said.

"What? How?" She asked.

"You are not balanced. Position your feet like this." He said as he stood with his legs firmly planted under him, his front foot facing forward from his body, back foot facing her.

"Like this?" Lilly asked as she mimicked him.

"Yes. This stance keeps you planted and makes you harder to move." He said as he looked down at her feet.

"Okay, ready?" She asked.

"Tch. Don't ask me if I'm ready. That's ridiculous-"

She then charged and went to land a blow on his face but he blocked it and grabbed her by the arm and flipped her over his shoulder.

"Owww." She moaned from the ground.

She had landed on her tailbone hard. Levi yanked her back up again.

"Again. Take your stance. This time, don't get caught, clumsy little brat." He said.

Her face turned red and she furrowed her brows.

Lilly took her stance and then charged. But before she could even throw her fist, he tripped her. She fell hard on her hands. Her hair was coming out of her braid and hanging in her face. She gritted her teeth and got up and charged. She went to raise her arm to throw a punch, but faked the Captain out and tackled him to the ground. A breath of air escaped his lungs. She growled as she landed on top and straddled him while grabbing his collar with one of her hands, and raising the other fist.

"Idiot." He said.

"Huh?"

He quickly reached up and grabbed her arms and shifted his weight to the side. Before she knew it they were rolling. At this point, she couldn't afford to make herself look stupid anymore than she already had. 

She was going to put up a fight. 

His forearms dug into her breasts as he tried to pin her arms down. A a pained whimper escaped her mouth. This caught him off guard for a second, causing his grip to falter. He lifted his chin to look at her which is when she lifted her head quickly to head butt him. He didn't budge. He continued to press his weight onto her, completely overpowering her to make up for the fact that she had successfully tackled him to the ground. He might have been short, but his whole body was hardened with muscle. 

The sensation was different. 

And it felt.. good?

Lilly suddenly snapped out of her disgraceful thoughts and felt her cheeks burning pink. He must have noticed because his eyes widened and his mouth opened slightly as he let go of her arms. She quickly recovered herself and threw a blow into his jaw which he took as if it were nothing. He stayed straddled on top of her while she squirmed underneath him to get free. He pulled her long pale hair hard in his fist, tugging her head up off the ground.

"You're weak." He said in a low tone next to her ear.

Her mouth opened as she breathed out in pain. He then let go and let her head hit the ground and rose off her. He turned his back away from her as she began to sit up. Her legs were trembling.

"You leave yourself wide open." He said coldly.

Erwin made his rounds and then approached Levi. The blonde Commander looked down at Lilly and then back up to Levi.

"So did we make any progress with Miss Holmes?" Erwin asked Levi.

"No. She's terrible." He said as he looked down at her and back up at Erwin.

"But not hopeless. More one-on-one training will be needed." Levi said as he started to walk away.

Lilly held her head in her hands.

"Holmes." Erwin said.

Lilly looked up to see his hand. She grabbed it and pulled herself up.

"I know Levi can be....rough....but he means well. We all do." Erwin said.

 

.........................

 

Lilly stripped and stood in the shower. The water ran down her back and soothed her sore muscles. She closed her eyes as the water ran down her face. She lathered her body with the generic military soap that was given to them, and rinsed off. She watched as the suds ran over the rough stone floor and into the drain.

After she got dressed in a plain white sleeping gown, she made her way to her barracks and laid in her bunk. She didn't feel hungry and she didn't feel like seeing anyone. Especially Corporal Levi. She felt so ashamed and betrayed by her body.

I'm weak. Hmph.

She closed her eyes as she pulled the blanket up to her shoulders. She couldn't sleep. Her mind kept darting back to her spar with the captain. The memory of his muscular body on her as he pinned her down. His breath intertwining with hers in her desperate struggle to prove herself to him.

No, snap out of it. He's an asshole. Go to sleep.

Lilly rolled over on her side and huffed.

Tomorrow was a new day, and she'd do better.


	11. Do You Wanna Build A Mud-Man?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taking a view inside Captain Levi’s mind.

*LEVI POV*

 

Levi wasn’t surprised when he noticed the new recruit, Lilly, didn’t show her face for dinner at the mess hall. 

Perhaps he had been too hard on her to some, but he knew potential when he saw it, though he’d never admit it. 

Not many people were able to catch him off guard and knock him over. Of course it was because he took one look at her and underestimated her. 

But again he’d never admit that either.

 

Big heads could get you killed these days. But so could a lack of training.

He knew with assistance, the young woman would make a very well-rounded soldier. But there was no sense in taking it easy on her. Even if she was a woman. Titans wouldn’t take it easy on her out in the field just because she had big doe eyes that were hidden under fluttering dark lashes.

He lifted his tea cup and took a sip as he glanced over to Lilly’s empty seat.

Her friends sat there talking quietly amongst themselves. At one point, they all looked in his direction. Obviously he had come up in their conversation. His eyes traveled around the room, studying the faces of the new recruits. 

He wondered how many he would see fall.

He did care for the soldiers under him and his watch. He did want to see them succeed. But building any type of close bond relationship was just unrealistic to him at this point. 

He’d seen many good soldiers come and go. Watched them die before his eyes. 

And each time it stung.

Each time it ate away at him.

And each time he swore: he’d eradicate every last Titan. Those soldiers wouldn’t die in vain.

“What a busy day today, huh Captain?” Petra’s voice took his attention away from his thoughts.

She had sat across from him and rested her chin on her palm with her elbow propping her up on the table. Her eyes always noticeably got bigger when she looked at him. 

Always smiling.

“Yeah, real busy with these snot-nosed brats running around.” Levi answered.

“I’m sure you’ll whip them into shape with some cleaning duties.” Petra joked playfully.

Levi looked back over to Lilly’s empty seat. That one especially would need some discipline.

“Levi, that girl you trained today, you must have made her feel bad. She’s not at her table with her friends.” Hange said with pity.

“How’d you notice that?” Petra asked.

“Well I for one, couldn’t smell her. She’s got a peculiar smell. Like the woods and flowers or somethin’.” Miche said.

Petra rolled her eyes and looked at Hange as she waited for an answer. Hange sat up and looked back at the empty seat.

“Well besides the fact that their table is only about 9 ft away from our table, the girl stands out like a sore thumb. I mean she’s absolutely beautiful. And that hair! She’s too pretty to be here. Betcha she’d make a good housewife.” Hange babbled.

Petra scowled and looked at Levi.

“She is a very attractive woman, I mean she seems completely oblivious to the male recruits gawking over her constantly.” Olou said as he leaned in his seat in a similar fashion to Levi.

“She does look like one of those fancy porcelain dolls that those rich folk collect up in Sina. Those big blue eyes and pouty lips and all.” Miche said with an admiring smirk.

Levi noticed Petra had become silent and looked irritated. 

He rested his teacup against his lips.

“Being beautiful doesn’t stop a Titan from biting your head clean from your shoulders.” Levi said plainly.

“That’s right.” Petra nodded in eager agreement.

It was true. 

The young woman was attractive. 

He had never seen someone who looked like her. 

That’s how he remembered her from three years ago, in Trost. He remembered her looking up at him on his horse, watching from an old hay wagon. She had been wearing a dress that day, and she did look lovely. Perhaps why he stared a little too long. 

She had a very elegant look about her, and people’s eyes were just naturally drawn to her. Her eyebrows, oddly enough, were not the same color as her hair. They had been a darker shade, maybe almost brown, but they framed her eyes beautifully. Her skin was milky, like someone of royalty. And her lips, he remembered those pink pouty lips as they parted under him earlier. 

As she squirmed under him trying fight back. She had put up a good fight, but God she needed work. Her combat skills were shit. It was surprising to him considering how well she did with her ODM gear. 

She was as Erwin said, one of the best of the new recruits.

And then he remembered. 

So he had been slightly offensive.

It wasn’t like he’d never been called crude or harsh before. 

Old news. 

If she could handle some roughing up, then it was best that she went home.

He didn’t grow up in a prissy family like most of these coddled little brats. He was raised with knives, fighting for his life, and stealing. 

And old habits die hard after all.

Either way he made the right choice by ending their spar there. 

Because the way she looked under him with those struggling eyes and flushed cheeks...

She’d obviously been embarrassed in more ways than one with him pinning her down and dominating her strength.

AndHe was still a man after all.

He had slept with women before, but very rarely. Some in the underground. Some were civilians he had met out in bars with his squad if they happened to have a break one night. 

But other than that, he satisfied himself. 

He’d never slept with a subordinate. It would just complicate things. Not that people didn’t sleep around or even have relationships within the Scouts. He just personally felt there was no point in involving himself romantically with someone who could possibly die. 

He’d already lost enough of his loved ones.

Isabelle.

Farlan.

But others in the military saw it differently. 

The fact that they could die so soon was another reason many scouts did act on their feelings with each other. It was not uncommon to see soldiers with hands intertwined, or catching them sneak away to fuck.

But it was just a distraction to him. It would never lead to marriage or a family. It would never lead to a normal life. 

Pointless as shit, really.

“Whatcha thinking about Captain? Are you okay?” Petra asked.

And then there was Petra. 

The girl was relentless. He respected her, and considered her a close friend. He had watched as she grew into the soldier she was. And he was proud of her. He had hand picked her of course. Not to mention, she was usually the one who made him his tea.

But recently, it had been obvious that her feelings for him were more than those of feelings for just a mere friend. It was a matter of time before she expressed them. 

And he dreaded the thought of having to put together a response.

But now wasn’t the time for all these useless thoughts.

“I’m going to my office. I’ve got many recruit reports to fill out.” Levi stood and turned to make his way to the exit of the mess hall, with Petra’s eyes glued to his back.  
 

 

*LILLY POV*  
   
Lilly woke up the next morning when the sunlight hit her face. She heard April stir in the bunk above her. Lilly sat up and stretched a bit, muscles were still sore.

“Hey Lilly, you up yet?” April’s voice whispered.

“Mm yeah.” Lilly said slowly.

April climbed out of bed and sat next to Lilly on her bunk. She wore the same matching plain white sleeping gown. All the women were given these to sleep in at night. April looked at Lilly for a moment.

“You didn’t show up to dinner last night....are you okay?” April asked.

“You could say my pride is a little hurt I suppose.” Lilly said as she stared off into space.

April shifted her weight on the mattress and looked down for a moment.

“You know, it’s like what Commander Erwin said. Not everyone is good at everything.” April said.

“But I’m a soldier. I need to be prepared for anything. And it’s not just that April. You know how badly I wanted to eventually make it into the special operations squad. I just don’t see how I could even work with Captain Levi, now knowing what a complete asshole he is.” Lilly said throwing her hand in the air. 

Lilly got angry just thinking about him. Calling her names, taunting her. Would she ever have a conversation that wasn’t negative with the man?

“You know, in a way, he inspired me to join in the first place. When we saw him in Trost three years ago. Seeing such a short man and hearing that he was Humanity’s Strongest really inspired me. You know how it’s been. Everyone looks at me, thinks I’m just a helpless ‘pretty’ little girl who can’t fend for herself. But Captain Levi, he’s strong. Stronger than engine else despite his height. I want to be like that.”

April nodded her head.

 

“It’s not your fault, you know. How were you supposed to know he was going to be so harsh? I don’t blame you if you change your mind about trying to get into his squad. But at the same time Lilly, I feel like you shouldn’t let him effect your decisions. You’re doing this for yourself, and for humanity. You’re really skilled Lilly.” April rubbed Lilly’s back and smiled.

“You’re a great friend.” Lilly said as she leaned against April.

“I know. Now let’s get you fed. You must be starving after skipping meal last night.” April stood up.  
 

...............

It was a very cloudy day.

It looked like it was going to rain soon, and the air was a little chilly.

As Lilly and April approached the mess hall, April stood in front of Lilly and put her hands on her shoulders.

“Listen, I know yesterday was rough, but you’re going to walk in there standing tall and confident. If anyone makes a comment, just ignore them. Don’t let that shorty get to you.” April said and then turned to open the door.

As soon as she opened the door, Lilly could hear the chatter of the soldiers and clanging of forks hitting plates. Lilly adjusted her uniform and smoothed down her hair. 

She walked in with her head held up high as she went to grab a plate with April. She could feel many eyes in her but she confidently ignored them. After grabbing some fruit and some bread, Lilly took her seat with her friends.

“Hey good morning, how are you feeling?” Jean asked.

“I feel great.” Lilly said as she bit into an apple.

Jean smiled warmly and nodded his head with approval.

“Anyone know what we are doing today?” April asked.

“I heard that we were going to continue training everyday until we were picked to go on a mission within Wall Maria. Guess they are building supply bases and mining stations in efforts to reclaim the wall.” Ben said as he wrapped his arm around April.

“I bet they’ll choose Lilly first.” April said as she picked up a small wedge of cheese and smiled.

“I hope so.” Lilly said as she absentmindedly glanced over at the table where the Captain sat, surrounded by his usual company.

Her eyes landed on the Captain, her eyes locked on his jaw line again. She wished she could punch him in that stupid jaw. 

The prick.

 

......................  
 

Lilly had worked harder on her cuts during ODM training. 

She knew putting more strength into her attacks was crucial. 

She’d just have to stay up later that night and lift some weights. 

Maybe do it a few times a week to build her strength.

She landed on the ground before Jean who had been kicking his feet in the mud in the woods.

“Jean, what are you doing?! If the Commander or the Captain see you messing around during training, who even knows what will happen!” Lilly exclaimed.

“Listen, I’m one of the best with ODM, and so are you. I’m just taking a breather, alright? I’m sure we are the last recruits they are concerned about in this area.” Jean smirked.

“Well, Yes. But we should still train....” Lilly said taking a step towards him.

“You know, this mud right here is the perfect consistency for a mud-man.”

Lilly looked at him with a confused face and put her blades in her box.

“A mud-man?” Lilly asked.

“Yeah! You know, like a snowman, but made of mud.” Jean laughed.

“Jean have you lost your mind?” Lilly asked with a crooked smile.

“Let’s make one.”

“Absolutely not.” Lilly turned away.

The darkness of tree shadows covered them. They heard the other recruits training and slashing dummies in the distance. 

Lilly looked down at her feet while debating.

“Lighten up Lilly. You’ve been nothing but stressed.” Jean walked up to her and placed his hand on her shoulder. He gently rubbed it.

“Where’s that wild girl I met from training? The one who took risks? The one who lived fast? Life’s too short not to take some time to stop and smell the roses.” Jean said quietly.

Lilly gazed at him silently.

“Or in this case, stop and play in the mud.” He joked.

“Jean, as much as I want to-“

“Lilly, seriously. We could die soon. Just five minutes to make a damn mud-man.” Jean pleaded.

Maybe five minutes wouldn’t hurt. 

She did feel as maybe the old her was slipping away. The one before the attack on Trost.

She didn’t really recognize herself anymore. Was this part of becoming a woman? Or maybe a soldier? Was she a slate wiped clean? 

But Jean had made a point. It wasn’t like she was lacking in ODM skill after all...

“Fine but quickly, Jean.” She smiled and she reached down and balled up some mud in her small hands.

 

“Hell Yeah!” He exclaimed excitedly.

 

Live a little.


	12. Like This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilly has some much needed (Not wanted) one-on-one training with Captain Levi.

Lilly stood next to Jean and looked down at the sloppy mud head they had made under a pine tree. It had only taken a few minutes to make. All they really did was make a small mound and put a couple of pine ones for the eyes, some crab grass for the mouth. Lilly smiled a crooked smile and rested her hands proudly on her hips.

“Now that’s what I call a mud-man.” Jean grinned.

"Where did you even get this idea?" Lilly asked as she pulled out her blades, preparing to launch off before they got caught.

 

Jean looked down and looked saddened for a moment and then looked back up as he also withdrew his blades.

"We used to make them back home for fun, only we'd mix a little yogurt with some moss to paint over the face, and it'd eventually turn completely green." Jean said.

"You miss your mom?" Lilly asked quietly.

Jean looked at her with big eyes.

"Of course. I think about her a lot." Jean said as he turned to face the direction of the ODM course.

"I miss mine too. Sometimes I feel real guilty. Sometimes I wish they'd show up so I could see them. I don't even know what they must think happened to me." Lilly said with a frown as she launched up into the trees.

Jean paused and then launched up and caught up to her, managing to maneuver through the trees next to her.

"We will see them again. Promise." Jean said as he looked over at her.

Lilly nodded without looking at him. Could he really make a promise like that?

"Lilly where were you? Commander Erwin was asking about your location." April burst into the trees next to her.

"Dammit, I was only gone for a few minutes." Lilly said.

"Well with skills like yours, they like to observe." April said looking at Lilly suspiciously.

"She had to take a leak. No big deal." Jean said as he shot an anchor to a nearby tree and launched ahead of them.

“If she had to leak, then why were you with her, huh Jean?” April teased.

“Oh screw off, April.” Jean snapped.

Lilly could see where the Commander stood in the distance. 

She made sure she flew into his view again before continuing her practice strikes on the Titan dummies with the rest of the recruits. 

They'd be training everyday until they were selected for a scout mission within Wall Maria. Rumors were that the date had been selected for a month away. 

During this time, Lilly was determined to perfect her skill.

She had been glad that she took a few minutes to stop and do something silly. It made her feel connected with herself again, and she was lucky to have friends who could sense when she wasn't feeling like herself and bring her back down to earth. 

Lilly was creative. She needed the occasional creative outlet, whether it be making her herbal remedies or simply making a mud sculpture. 

Nowadays, as she tried to focus more on being a proper soldier, she found less room for her soul. She had always been spontaneous and unpredictable to her parents. Nearly drove them mad during her younger teen years. 

God bless them.

Lilly smirked as she touched her pendant dangling from around her neck, then quickly wound up to make a strong cut into the sponge nape of a Titan dummy.

This quickly got old for Lilly. 

While she acknowledged this would strengthen her skills, this wasn't a true simulation of a Titan. No grubby hands reaching out for you unexpectedly. No unnerving smiling faces looking down at you. There was no real practice like the practice she got in Trost. 

She really had been lucky to survive her first encounter there.

A couple hours had passed before the ODM training came to an end. Her body was sore. But she welcomed this pain as she knew it would make her stronger. If she got strong, she'd live. If she lived, she'd live to see the day she got to venture outside of Wall Maria. But after they reclaimed it, of course. And if she'd live, she'd get to see her parents once again. 

And they'd be so proud.

But she had a lot of work to do before any of that could come into fruition.

Lilly started to walk past the Commander and Captain when Erwin stopped her.

"Miss Holmes. Just a moment." The Commander put his hand on her shoulder, sticking his fingers in some mud that had clung to her jacket from earlier.

He lifted his fingers and glanced down at them for a moment and then raised a thick brow at her.

"Yes, Commander Erwin?" Lilly answered as she wiped the sweat off her forehead.

"I wanted to tell you what a great job you are doing. Captain Levi and I can easily tell which ones will do very well here. You have the skill and determination of someone we'd like to have join us on our scouting missions." The Commander said as he stood tall.

"Wow, Thank you sir." Lilly grinned as she stuck some hair behind her ear.

"But, we really would like you to continue working on your overall strength and skill within hand-to-hand combat first." Erwin added.

Lilly mouth hung open stupidly.

Captain Levi's eyes were glued on Lilly's expression, she could feel it.

"I completely agree sir, thank you for the feedback. I will work on it." Lilly saluted quickly before she started to take another step, but Erwin's big hand stopped her once more.

Lilly looked back up at him under her long lashes.

"You need to start from square one, Lilly." Erwin said.

"Sir?" Lilly asked, puzzled at the Commander’s bluntness.

Erwin glanced at Captain Levi who uncrossed his arms to adjust his cloak briefly. His cold stare then met Lilly's worried expression. April walked by just then, quickly assessing the situation as she passed.

"You need to relearn the basics. Your blocks, stances-" Levi paused and his eyes became slightly more narrow. "From the beginning. They’re all shit as they are now." He continued.

Lilly's gawked stupidly as she blinked at him in total disbelief at his rudeness.

"Potential is completely there Lilly. We just want to help you get to where we know you could be. Correct Levi?" Commander Erwin looked to Levi.

Levi nodded.

"Okay so does that mean I need to train extra hours or-" Lilly was cut off by Levi's voice.

"Your ODM training will be cut by only one hour since you have no problems there. I personally will be training you." Levi said.

"Levi is as I'm sure you know, the most skilled in all areas in the military, so we only find it fitting that he trains you. I have no doubt that he will shape you into exactly what we need out there." Erwin said as he studied Lilly's face as she looked down at her feet.

"Um, yes Sir. Thank you." Lilly reluctantly let out as she held her pendent in her hand.

Lilly looked up at Levi who watched as she twiddled the pendant in her fingers, and then looked up at Erwin who nodded before he made his way to the combat training area. Lilly stood there quietly before Levi for a moment before he turned in a different direction.

"Follow me." Levi said with his back to her.

They treaded through the grass into a small opening not far from the combat area. It was grassy and green, and surrounded by young trees. Wild flowers rested at the base of the trees and blew slightly in the cool breeze. The clouds ahead were getting darker. Definitely rain tonight. Finally Levi stopped and turned to Lilly when they had reached the center of the opening. It was quiet for a moment until Lilly heard some rustling in the trees. Her eyes followed a couple of busy squirrels running through the branches, knocking loose twigs and acorns down as they went.

"That is why I took you here." Levi said as he looked up at the squirrels.

"What is why?" Lilly looked to him, confused.

"When we sparred, I noted how easily distracted you are." He said flatly.

Lilly didn't answer, as she wasn't sure what he had meant by that. But she didn't want to have any extra conversation with him if she could avoid it.

It was strange. 

At first, she found herself drawn to Levi. Fascinated with him. Now she wanted to escape his cold eyes and backhanded remarks any chance she got.

"Start in the resting stance I taught you." He approached her.

Lilly took the stance and planted herself firmly as he circled her.   
He silently took his foot and moved her back leg slightly more under her. She watched his face as he observed her.

"Think of it this way. Your legs are your support." He said kneeling down next to her.

She looked down at his black hair as he spoke.

"Your feet are your anchors." He said as he gently twisted her foot to face sideways.

It felt awkward to have her foot facing to the side when she was facing forward, and it really didn't make sense.

"This may be uncomfortable at first, but having your foot this way plants you more firmly." He said as he looked down at her foot. 

His gaze then traveled to her back leg.

He seemed more...gentle today. At least so far. She hadn’t ended up on her ass yet.

Maybe he did feel bad for yesterday?

Not that he'd ever admit it. 

She continued to watch as he shifted his weight to his other leg, still kneeling beside her.

"Bend this knee slightly more." He tapped Lilly's knee with the back of his knuckle.

She bent it more, which put strain on her upper thigh. She kept a straight face through it anyways.

"I can tell you need to stretch more. Your muscles are strained which makes this stance useless." Levi said as he glanced up at her.

Lilly looked down at him silently. For a split second, she could see in his eyes that he was irritated.

"Are you just not going to speak the entire time?" He asked while looking up at her.

"What would you like me to say? I'm simply taking your direction, Captain." Lilly spoke down to him.

Levi looked off into space.

"Look, if you're pissed about yesterday, I apologize." Levi said without looking at her.

He almost seemed reluctant at the words that had come out of   
his mouth. Lilly's eyes slightly widened as she looked down at him. 

But she couldn’t believe he had apologized.

"I-"

"No need to further discuss it." Levi said as he glanced back up at her.

Lilly rubbed her arm gently to comfort herself in the unpredicted situation. Her icy hair lifted and blew in the breeze, tangling over her face. His eyes stayed locked on her as she gathered her hair in her hands and tucked it into her jacket. 

Levi rose and stood in the resting stance beside her, fists rested on his hips.

Lilly looked down at his fists and mimicked his stance. He lifted his right fist quickly into an upward block. Lilly mimicked. He then stood in front of her.

"This block deflects an oncoming attack. The attack will slide down your arm like rain on a rooftop." Levi said.

Lilly nodded as she brought her fist down to her hip. Levi returned to a fighting stance and looked into her face.

"I'm going to slowly attack with the same punch, and I want you to deflect it using the upward block." Levi said.

"Yes Sir." Lilly said.

Repeatedly, the Captain slowly made the same attack, and Lilly deflected it.

"Make sure your fist is moving straight up before you twist your elbow to block." Levi critiqued.

Lilly silently made the adjustment and Levi began to increase his speed. The side of Lilly's arm began to feel warm from the repetitive friction of Levi's arm sliding down hers.

"We will move on to other blocks, but I want to build your muscle memory by doing this exercise. This will help you eventually block anything coming at you like second nature." Levi said as he threw and punch.

Lilly deflected it as she clenched her teeth. She was very focused on the rhythm they had set.

"While we won't do anything with this currently, I want to point out the opening in my chest you create when you deflect my blow off your arm like this." Levi held his arm up against Lilly's block, and as Levi mentioned, there was an opening. 

She could easily strike from this position.

His eyes followed hers to make sure she understood. He then dropped his arm and stood next to her in resting stance. Lilly once again mimicked him. Levi brought his fist up to form an inward block.

"This is an inward block." He said as he waited for her to copy the block.

Lilly made an inward block and then he stood in front of her. His eyes traced over the bend of her arm and he lifted his hand. 

Lilly's eyes darted to his hand as he grabbed her forearm and gently adjusted it.

"Like this." He said looking into her eyes.

Two hours had passed and he had taught her the downward and outward block as well. Lilly felt more confident knowing he was teaching her these movements, and making sure she was doing each one right. He had her doing the blocking exercises repeatedly to burn them into her muscle memory. He then stopped and paused to look off into the direction of the combat field.

"We have another hour left of training, so I'm briefly going to go over different combinations in which you'd use these blocks, as well as some offensive damage." Levi glanced back at her.

"Okay, I'm ready." Lilly said confidently and smiled.

Levi just looked at her blankly.

"This one is basic. This is if someone was going to try and kidnap you or mug you from behind." Levi said as he walked behind her.

Lilly took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Suddenly she felt herself lift as Levi's arms hooked in her armpits. She struggled a little bit a first, but his strength was overwhelming. His chest was hard against her back, and she wasn't really sure what she was supposed to do. 

There didn't seem to be a way out of this attack. 

If this would have happened to her sooner back when she lived with her parents, she would have been screwed. It was not uncommon for women to be kidnapped, robbed, and raped. 

Sometimes even murdered.

"Okay so what would I do in this situation?" She asked as she relaxed her body that was pinned tightly against his torso. She felt his chest rise as he breathed.

"So you can see that I am lifting you slightly in an upwards direction. You in your situation would lift with that movement, and pull all your weight down. Use my momentum against me." 

Levi said next to her ear and let go.

He stood in front of her with his back facing her, and glanced back at her.

"Do the same attack on me, and I'll show you." Levi said.

"Please don't hurt me, I'm still sore from yesterday." Lilly joked.

"Tch." Levi scoffed without looking at her.

Lilly then locked her arms under Levi's armpits, pulling upwards. His body felt like stone, and she found it hard to lift him as he had lifted her. 

Her face pressed against his shoulder blade as she tried to lift and get a good grip, but he did nothing but turn his face to the side to look at her from the side of his eye.

"Stop. Try again in that stance I taught you, and this time I will use the momentum against you. And no, I won't hurt you." He said.

"Oh, right!" She said as she breathed for a moment.

Lilly took her stance and then quickly made the assault on Levi, lifting up at her knees. He then raised both his arms into fists which tapped her cheekbones in controlled, held back punches. 

Then he quickly brought his elbows down into her arms and kicked out both her legs lightly. He quickly turned around to face her in a fighting stance.

Lilly's mouth hung open.

He moved so quickly, she hardly had time to digest it.

"Alright, alright. You're going to have to do that a lot slower for me." Lilly put her hand up.

"Tch. Obviously. This was meant to show you when exactly the attacker is caught off guard and by what movements." He said as he turned around again. 

His black hair lifted in the breeze, revealing more of his shaved undercut. Her eyes trailed down his neck and she breathed.

Lilly took her stance and then attacked again.

"So I'm going to lift with the momentum, then reach up and hit the attacker in the face with both fists.." Levi said as he slowly acted out the movements.

Lilly concentrated hard as he instructed her, while she went along with his movements.

"Now I'm bringing my elbows down against the fleshy part of the attacker's arms, then one by one, while the attack is caught off guard, I'm going to kick out his knees." Levi said as he finished the sequence.

"I think I can do that." Lilly said.

Levi glanced at her under his lowered eyelids and then moved behind her. She then felt him lock her armpits and lift, and she quickly lifted with it. Heart racing, she quickly reached to throw the punches behind her head, but his face had been closer than she realized.

Her knuckles collided against his temples and she paused and gasped.

"I'm so sorry Captain Le-"

"Just keep going!" He barked into her hair.

She brought her elbows down quickly into his arms and then kicked his knees lightly, one at a time. She quickly turned around in her fighting stance and looked at him with a concerned expression.

"Good." He said.

"You're not hurt?" She asked as she stepped forward and reached her hand out to him, before quickly withdrawing her hand back.

"I'm fine. Don't worry about it." He said watching the hand she had reached out with carefully.

Lilly silently looked at him and then to the rustling trees that surrounded them. Rain started to trickle down on them as the clouds rolled in over them.

"A few more minutes of practice with this technique and then back to barracks." He said as looked her up and down.  
Lilly looked down at her muddied clothes and back up to the Captain.

"You're filthy."

 

........

 

*LEVI POV*

 

Lilly and Levi walked back to the barracks in the pouring rain. 

Their feet splashing quietly as they walked through puddles. Thunder echoed in the distance. The chatter of soldiers returning from the training fields filled the evening air as they neared their destination. Levi looked to Lilly as the young woman looked straight ahead. Her light hair was darkened by the rain and it clung to her face and back. 

He watched as droplets fell from her dark lashes. Her cheeks were pink and her lips swollen. Probably from biting them so much when she got nervous. The girl was a nervous wreck around him. 

Not necessarily uncommon. 

But she did seem to switch from unsure of herself to extremely confident, as if she was warring with herself. But most young soldiers were. It was his job to make sure these soldiers were nothing but confident and well trained. He felt responsible for them, and he took pride in their success.

"Every morning, I want you to stretch your muscles. First thing when you wake up." He said to Lilly outside the women's barracks.

Water dripped from his hair and into his eyes. Lilly looked at him with softness as she nodded her head obediently and smiled.

"Thank you for taking your time to help me, Captain." Water dripped off her reddened bottom lip.

Her eyes almost seemed to smile too as she looked up at him so sweetly.

His tired eyes glanced down at her fair face from underneath heavy eyelids. 

He needed tea.

He nodded at her silently and turned to walk away.

 

"You're welcome."


	13. Looks Like Rain

"So was he nicer to you today?" April's voice echoed from her shower stall.

The sound of water spraying against the ground and wet feet filled the shower room. Lilly lathered her hair with a shampoo bar and tilted her head to the side to let the water run down her neck. She then picked up a small bottle of white peach and jasmine body oil she had made in her free time. 

She needed some kind of feminine scented routine. These military bars were not cutting it for her.

"He apologized." Lilly said smiling to herself.

"Shut up." April said in shock.

It had surprised Lilly too.

She saw the way the Captain spoke to people. He made a lot of people uneasy. But maybe he just didn't know how to express himself any other way.

"I know, but April, he taught me so much today. I think I'm gonna be a great fighter at the end of this." Lilly said as she rinsed her hair, scrubbing her scalp with her fingertips.

April's shower turned off and she saw April's feet walk out of the stall from underneath. Lilly turned off her own shower and grabbed her towel, and wrapped the white dry material around herself.

"I would expect so. Levi fights like a monster. Good thing he's the one teaching you." April said.

Lilly walked out of her stall and looked at April. Her dark brown hair was wet, dripping on her shoulders as she brushed through it. The two young women headed to their bunk room where they dressed before dinner.

"How are you and Ben doing?" Lilly asked April as she slid a clean shirt on and buttoned the collar.

"So good." April sighed that sigh that only girls who were in love would know.

"I'm glad to hear it. You look happy." Lilly said as she slid her pants on.

"He's so good to me Lilly. I hope to marry him when this is all over." April came over and started to brush Lilly's hair.

"You better invite me to that wedding. Speaking of which, you guys better be careful right now. No babies yet!" Lilly joked.

"Oh shush Lilly!" April laughed.

Lilly looked out the window, it was still raining out. There was no real point in her drying her hair that much if it were only going to get drenched in the rain on her way to the mess hall.

"That reminds me, are you and Jean-"

"Just friends? Yup." Lilly interrupted quickly and flatly as she let her hair get brushed by her friend.

"Lilly, you're twenty-two now, and you still haven't-"

"April!" Lilly exclaimed.

"Kissed a guy! I was gonna say kissed! But that too you know." April laughed.

"Ugh, lets go get dinner. I'm starving." Lilly changed the subject quickly.

Lilly knew her friend meant well. But she just didn't know if she was ready to mess around with anyone, even though her body screamed and begged for a man's touch. Some nights it was unbearable for her. Some nights she just felt plain lonely, and the thought of having a little distraction, or a warm body for her to cling to didn't seem half bad.

 

..............

 

The girls ate together at their table in the mess hall. 

Ben and Jean plopped down beside them not long after. They were surprised to find real beef on their plates. It was very rare to be fed beef while in the military. Everyone was pretty pleased.

"I can't believe it!" Sasha shouted as she stared down at her plate a few tables down.

"Potato girl looks like she hit the jackpot, huh?" Ben asked.

Lilly chewed on the piece of meat and swallowed. It had been a very long time since she'd eaten meat besides fish. And she'd need it if she were to build more muscle. Lilly's eyes wondered the room as everyone enjoyed their dinner. Jean nudged her arm.

"How was training with him today?" Jean asked as he picked up a roll.

"Hm?" Lilly asked.

"The Captain, Lilly, how was he to you?" Jean asked with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

Ben and April looked up at Lilly. Ben smirked.

"He was fine. He was nice." Lilly said simply as she lifted her cup to her lips.

"He didn't hurt you? Wasn't too rough?" Jean asked while looking staring at her. 

His mouth was in a straight line. He was serious.

"And what are you going to do about it if he was?" Ben laughed.

Jean looked down and kept chewing.

Lilly looked to the Captain who's eyes were already locked on hers. His mouth was hidden behind a teacup as he glanced at her. Lilly shivered involuntarily, as if the iciness of his stare had physically pierced her. She looked away quickly and stood up holding her plate.

"All done already?" April asked as she leaned against her lover.

Lilly looked down at them and sighed.

"Im very tired from the training today." Lilly with an exhausted expression tugging on her face.

This was true, but she wanted to go train more in the weight room. If she was going to succeed, she was going to listen to the critiques of her commanding officers. Working on her strength was first on her list.

"And I do want to train a bit more in the weight room before I get any more tired." Lilly sheepishly added.

Her friends gawked at her. Just then Sasha came to their table, looking at all of their plates.

"Are you gonna finish that?" Sasha asked, practically drooling.

"Yeah sure, take it. Just get outa here ya vulture." Jean handed Sasha his plate and waved her off.

Lilly turned around and placed her plate on the counter. A hand was on her shoulder and she turned back around.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Jean asked.  
Lilly looked past him to see April and Ben watching her. Lilly looked at Jean and sighed. She really wanted to train alone.

"It's okay, I can go alone." Lilly said.

"What if you pass out from overworking yourself? You've been training all day today...are you sure you're being realistic?" Jean asked.

"You don't need to worry about me." Lilly said as she began to step past him.

"Lilly." Jean said.

She glanced over to the Captain's table. Levi put his teacup down and leaned back in his chair and watched.

"Jean-"

"You have a great work ethic, Lilly. You do. But you're going to hurt yourself. Pull a muscle or something. You trained over eight hours today already. You need to give your body a rest." Jean said softly.

"I can do it. I have to. I don't need you to worry about me." Lilly said as she walked away from him.

"But I do." Jean said quietly.

She ignored him as she left the mess hall. Who did he think he was? Her father? 

Lifting a few weights for an extra hour wasn't going to kill her. 

He was being overprotective of her. And that was only going to hold her back. She needed to push herself to get to the top. To ensure she wouldn't die in battle. To ensure she'd see her parents again. To venture beyond the walls. These things were most important to her. 

She wasn't going to stop pushing herself. 

She may be a woman. She may be small. But she was going to become one of the greatest soldiers that ever lived. She was going to be part of humanity's victory.

Extra weight lifting wasn't going to prevent this, but ensure it.

She crossed the road in the pouring rain. Lightening flickered in the distance, revealing the thick monstrous clouds in the sky. The rain was cold now, and it chilled her body. She shivered as she finally approached the training room. The lights weren't on, and when she went to open the door, she found it was locked. 

Strange. 

She leaned her back against the door as rain ran down her face. The rain came down harder now and it hit the ground hard, causing a loud pattering sound.

Maybe she could see if someone could unlock it. She glanced down to the mess hall. The lights through the windows barely glowed through the heavy rain. 

Maybe Captain Levi could open the door for her. 

Commander Erwin's office was further ways down, and she really didn't want to get more drenched from the rain than she needed to. She started to run through the rain as quickly as possible. Her cold clothes clung to her body, making her skin feel like ice. She opened the mess hall door and entered the room. Voices quieted down as her feet sloshed against the stone floor. She stood before Levi and he looked at her with an interested expression. Hange leaned forward in her seat, staring at Lilly.

Water dripped off Lilly's body, forming small puddles on the floor. She cleared her throat.

"Sir, I was wondering if you'd be able to unlock the weight room door for me, please." Lilly asked quietly.

Levi raised an eyebrow and looked down at her feet.

"It was locked?" Hange asked.

"Yes, which is why I'm soaked." Lilly replied.

Levi stood up and pulled a ring of keys out of his pocket. He then reached down and grabbed his teacup.

"Alright. Come with me." Levi said to her.

Lilly followed him as he set his cup on the counter. Lilly turned her head to see April, Ben and Jean watching her quietly. Jean was frowning, he even looked a little angry. But he turned his back to her quickly.

"Are you ready?" Levi asked as he put his green cloak hood over his head.

"Yes sir." Lilly said.

They walked to the door, and Levi opened it and paused as he watched the downpour.

"You should have worn your cloak at least. It’s fucking pouring." He said as he gazed out into the rain. "You're going to catch a cold like this. Not very responsible of you, rookie." He continued.

He started to remove his own cloak and handed it to her. Lilly looked down at the cloak in her arms and looked back up at Captain Levi.

"Sir, really it's not necessary. It's my fault for not dressing appropriately." Lilly said.

"Then I expect you'll dress better the next time is downpours with freezing rain. Put it on." Levi ordered.

"Yes sir." Lilly said quietly as she began to button the warm cloak on herself.

She raised the hood over her head, and the smell of Levi surrounded her face. It was a clean smell. As she expected. The man was known to be a neurotic clean freak. But the soft woody smell of pine and cedar was there. 

Then of course, a typical man scent. 

Perhaps some cologne that had rubbed off his neck and into the fabric. But it wasn't very strong. It was nice.

Lilly turned around to look behind her because the silence in the room was almost deafening. Petra had gotten up to empty her plate and frowned before quickly turning her head away from Lilly and the Captain. April and Ben were watching her with blank expressions.

"Let's go." Levi said as he stepped out into the rain.  
Lilly stepped out behind him and noticed as he shivered as he walked.

"I'm sorry, it's really cold." Lilly spoke out into the rain.  
She started to jog and grabbed his arm and pulled to speed his pace up. "You shouldn't have to catch a cold just because you gave me your cloak." Lilly looked into his face.

He began to jog next to her as they made their way across the road and towards the weight room. When they got there, he stood before the door fumbling with his keys. They were obviously very slippery in the cold rain. Lilly watched as he looked down at his keys, his black hair sopping wet in his face.   
He finally found the key and stuck it into the keyhole and turned it. 

He pushed hard on the door and it opened. Lilly followed him into the dark room. She couldn't see anything, even Levi. All she heard was footsteps and the strike of a match. Levi held the lit match out in front of him and walked over to a lantern and lit it. The whole room glowed with a warm light, and Lilly was able to see the many different sized weights on the racks against the walls. Levi walked back over to the door and closed it before turning to take his seat in a chair by the door. Lilly looked at him from under the hood.

"You're not going to leave?" Lilly asked.

"Tch. And walk back into that freezing rain?" Levi scoffed as water dripped off his chin.

"Well I just thought it was getting late and you look tired." Lilly said as she started to remove his cloak from her body. She walked over to the coat hanger and hung the cloak to dry. She looked down at her clothes which were still soaked and sighed.

"You picked a hell of a night to come lift weights." Levi said as he removed his tan scout jacket, leaving him only in his white dress shirt, and ODM harness. The wet white shirt clung to his muscular chest. Lilly looked away quickly and started to put her hair in a messy bun on top of her head.

"I'm going to have to work hard to get where I need to be, Captain-" Lilly took off her wet boots one by one. "Rain or shine." Lilly looked over to Levi with a smirk on her face.

Levi almost looked like he wanted to smile. Almost.

"Well next time there it happens to be rain, be prepared for it. We can't have you getting sick on us."

Lilly turned to pick up a weight set. 

She thought for sure Levi would tell her she should go smaller, but he let her pick the set without saying anything. Lilly began lifting the weights, extending her arms out, and slowly bringing them back in. Her back was faced to the Captain as he silently watched her.

"You don't think I'm pushing myself too hard by training extra at night, do you Captain?" Lilly asked quietly.

There was silence for a moment and his chair creaked.

"No." He said. His voice sounded tired.

Lilly remained silent and continued her exercise. She smiled at the small reassurance.

"Is that what your friend seemed so concerned about?" Levi asked.

"Who Jean?" Lilly turned her head to look at Levi.

He looked exhausted. His eyelids were heavy over his steel blue eyes, and his bags underneath them were darker than usual. 

He didn't answer.

"Well yes. He's been a close friend since we met in training Corps. He's always looking out for me." Lilly said as she put down the set and picked up another.

"Perhaps too much." Levi said.  
Lilly turned to look at him again. His face was hard to read. It really was.

"You're striving to reach a goal that involves a lot of hard work and training. You're doing what you must." Levi said as he leaned his head against the wall.

Lilly looked down. Captain Levi must have really seen the potential in her. 

Why else would he encourage her to work so hard. He was elite. He knew what it took to survive. 

Lilly continued to lift the weights while she listened to the sound of the rain outside. Eventually the rain let up and it was only sprinkling outside. Then she heard Levi's breathing change. She turned around to see the Captain had fallen asleep in the chair with his chin tilted up slightly. His arms were crossed loosely across his abdomen. 

Lilly paused as she watched him like this. 

It was odd. His face was peaceful. He wasn't tense anymore. 

His lips were parted slightly as he breathed quietly. Lilly took a few steps towards him. She wasn't sure if she should wake him so he could go rest properly in his bed or if she should leave him be. It was late now. Perhaps past midnight. She then walked slowly and quietly and grabbed his cloak from the hanger. She felt the soft fabric in her hands and held it up to her face. She took in the comforting scent once more.

It almost reminded her of home.

She then spread the cloak open and laid it gently over the Captain. She pulled it up right under his chin, hoping she wouldn't wake him. For a moment, his face tensed and he quickly lifted his hand. His eyelids were still tightly closed. Lilly froze in place.

He was still asleep.  
His face then slowly rested and he lowered his hand. Even in his sleep, he was ready for a fight. Lilly frowned. 

Was the man really ever at peace?

Lilly blew out the lantern and the room was once again cloaked in darkness. She opened the door quietly. Moonlight shined onto Levi's sleeping face. Lilly paused to take in this sight.

He looked kind of beautiful this way.

She slowly began to shut the door until she heard it click. She slowly walked back to the barracks. Her body was sore and tired. But it would pay off in the end.

She threw herself into her bed without changing her clothes. 

She was too tired to even bother fumbling in the dark looking for a sleeping gown.

Her body seemed to melt into the mattress. 

The smell of Levi's cloak lingered on her clothes.


	14. Not A Drop Left

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I just wanted to thank you again for taking your time to read, and for the kind support that you send! It makes me so happy to see that people are enjoying what I’m writing, especially on the days that I’m not feeling so confident about it.

*LEVI POV*

 

He woke in a dark room only lit with moonlight. 

His neck ached from sleeping in the old wooden chair. He winced as he began to sit up, but then he felt something fall from his chest. He looked down and saw his cloak laying in his lap.

It had been draped over him like a blanket.

Lilly.

He had watched her lift weights until he had fallen asleep. And she must have blanketed him with his cloak. His face softened as he looked down at the cloak in his hands.

Well, that was kind of her.

He didn't sleep much. 

Maybe 3 hours a day if he was lucky. He suffered from insomnia since he was a child. His body just wouldn't stay asleep and his mind was constantly going. Thoughts, memories, and worries constantly keeping him from sleeping peacefully.

He stood up and stretched a little in the moonlight. 

The floorboards creaked under him. He put his cloak on over his aching shoulders and an unfamiliar scent came upon him. Was that peach? Jasmine? He brought the inside of his hood to his nose and breathed in the scent to better identify it.

Definitely jasmine.

How did she manage to smell like that with just the ordinary hygiene products the military supplied them? He breathed in the scent again.

"Tch." He shook his head.

Now he'd smell like a woman.

But a bathed woman.

That was refreshing since Hange typically never bathed. Be basically has to force that woman.

Levi made his way to his office and sat at his desk. He frowned at the pile of paperwork laid out before him. He looked up at the clock. 3:30AM. 

He'd get most of it done before dawn.  
It wasn't like he'd be falling back to sleep anytime soon.

 

*LILLY POV*

 

Lilly had started to settle into her new life with the scouts. 

Everyday was pretty repetitive.

She'd train in ODM, then leave early to go train with Captain Levi who she was starting to feel more comfortable with as the training went on. 

He wasn't as bad as she had thought two weeks prior.

He was patient with her, for the most part anyways. She was often distracted by the animals that would come out of the forest or the birds that flew in the trees. It defeated the purpose of him bringing her to train from everyone else. 

He was constantly telling her to focus. 

At one point he had told her she had the attention span of a fucking goldfish.

It had made her laugh.

 

..........

 

On the weekends, Levi assigned chores to everyone around the headquarters. He was very picky when it came to how things got cleaned. His expectations were very high, and Lilly was often made to clean things over again.

The work seemed never ending.

"Ugh this blows." April moaned as she scrubbed the floor next to Lilly.

"I didn't realize your arms could feel like they'd fall off from scrubbing a floor over and over again." Lilly groaned.

They quieted as they heard familiar footsteps enter the mess hall.

"Hey, Lilly. How's it going in here?" Levi asked as he walked towards the two young women.

His boots echoed across the stone floor as he came closer.

Lilly and April stood up quickly, dripping water and soap everywhere.

"The work is never ending, Sir!" Lilly saluted.

Levi looked around briefly and scowled.

"You're too damn slow, that's why. You've hardly made an progress considering how long I've given you."Levi looked back around and inspected the room.

He bent to inspect the corners of the room closely and Lilly could see him frowning deeply from where she stood. She sighed. He made his way back to the two women and April dropped her scrubbing brush nervously and it landed on Levi's boot. 

He looked appalled.

"Tch! Go clean the outer side of the windows!" Levi barked at April.

"Yes Sir!" April answered quickly and darted out the door as fast as she could.

Levi looked to Lilly with a scowl.

"You haven't gotten the corners Lilly. Go look." He ordered.

Lilly sheepishly made her way to a corner and saw the grunge he had spoken of. She pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes and sighed.

"Dust, hairs...mold." Levi shuddered.

"I'm sorry, I've been working on scrubbing under the tables where people drop their food." Lilly said as she walked back towards him.

Levi looked around and looked back at her with his usual bored expression.

"Looks like this is going to take you a little while longer. Take a break." He said as he took a seat before wiping the chair off with a cleaning rag.

"Go make us some tea." Levi ordered.

Lilly nodded her head and then made her way to the pantry.

There were many assorted fruits and vegetables sitting in baskets inside the small walk-in. Breads and cheeses sat up on the shelves. Then she spotted the glass jars of tea leaves up on the shelf where she couldn't reach. She went back out to the dining area and grabbed a chair as Levi watched her from a table. She brought the chair back in the pantry and placed it in front of the shelf and stood up on it.

She glanced over at the Captain who watched her intently, with his hands folded in front of his mouth. She looked back to the tea jars and inspected each of them. Black tea was probably the best choice if she was going to consider how tired Levi always looked. 

Black tea had many health benefits, and an energy boost was one of them. 

Lilly then took a tea kettle and filled it with water and brought it to the fireplace in the dining area. She hooked it over the fire and walked back to the kitchen. She then removed dried orange peels from her bag and placed it in a cup with the black tea leaves. When the tea kettle began to steam, she took the kettle off the fire and brought it back to the kitchen. She combined the tea leaves and orange peel with the hot water and added some cinnamon and nutmeg. 

She grabbed two teacups in one hand and the tea kettle in the other, and carefully made her way to Levi. She set down the cups and kettle and poured him a cup first, then slid it carefully in front of him. He glanced down at the cup with his hands still rested at his mouth. He then unfolded his hands and sat upright and waited for her to finish pouring hers. She sat down carefully and brought the cup to her mouth. 

She pulled it away quickly, it was hot.

Stupid of her, she had only just poured it. She touched her lips with her fingertips and stared off into space as the familiar tea scent rose to her face.

"It needs to cool first, rookie. Haven't you had tea before?" Levi asked her.

"Yes, on a normal basis." Lilly answered as she continued to stare out into nothing.

This was the recipe her mother and father had taught her. The smell of it brought back the memories in the apothecary with her parents. 

It made her heart ache.

"Is that so? Not many scouts I meet are big tea drinkers." Levi said as he leaned forward with interest.

Lilly nodded quietly. After a couple moments, Levi brought the tea to his lips carefully. 

His eyes slightly widened in pleasant surprise.

"Someone teach you to make a good cup of tea, did they?" Levi asked curiously.

Lilly looked up and sighed.

"My parents did. They own a apothecary in my village. They taught me various recipes for teas and other herbal remedies, but this was my mother's favorite." Lilly said to him as she sat up and lifted her cup to her mouth.

She closed her eyes as she took in the flavor. 

Home.

 

"They must have been good people. You should be grateful." He said as he took another sip, holding his cup in his unique way.

"I am. Forever grateful." Lilly said quietly as guilt ate at her. 

She frowned as she thought about her mother's sweet face, and her father's strong embrace.

Levi stared at her quietly, watching her expression as he took another sip.

"Anyways. I'll give you a passing grade for that, Lilly. After we finish, back to cleaning. No more time for rest."

Lilly nodded obediently at the Captain.

"Do you have a particular tea that you enjoy, Captain?" Lilly asked quietly.

Levi raised a thin brow at her as he held his cup to his mouth.

"Black tea is what I prefer. Seems you made the appropriate choice." He said to her.

"I just assumed...you look tired." She said carefully.

"I am tired." He said plainly,

Lilly paused and fiddled with her necklace.

"Do you...sleep much?" Lilly asked.

She was afraid to ask him too much, she didn't want to make him feel invaded. He was a very closed off person, and she almost felt like if she got too close, he'd spook.

Like a wild horse or something.

"No." He said as he watched her play with her necklace.

Lilly bit her lip nervously and looked at his callused hand that was rested on the rough wooden table. The fireplace crackled in the background.

"If you want, I could make you something to help you sleep..."

He put his cup down and leaned back in his chair, throwing his arm over the back of it.

"Like what?" He asked doubtfully.

"I could make you a sleeping tincture. I make them for my friend April, the one was just in here..."

Levi looked down at his boot as if he was reminded of the dirty brush that was dropped on his foot. He looked back up at her with an unamused face.

"Oh yes. Her."

"I have one that I'm making right now, but it won't be ready for another two weeks." Lilly said as she took another sip.

He nodded, he appeared to be thinking.

"Bring it to me when it's finished. But just know, I've tried many things for years without success." Levi said as he stood up and pushed in his chair and left the room without saying anything else.

Lilly stood and looked down into his cup he had left.

 

There wasn't a single drop left.


	15. Too Much

Lilly put her blades away as she ended her ODM training session early. 

This had become routine now.

For nearly a month.

She'd train in the ODM course, then leave an hour early to train with Levi. This took up most of her day, and she'd go every other day to lift weights alone at night. She was starting to feel the benefits of training so hard. More muscles were being built on her petite frame, but she was maintaining her womanly figure. Training had become her addiction. And it's all she really cared about.

April flew down beside her.

"Lucky you, getting to leave ODM early." April huffed.

"Yeah, only to go train in hand-to-hand." Lilly laughed as she walked through the grass.

"How's it paying off?" April asked as she kept up with Lilly.

"Well. I feel much more confident, and I'm definitely getting stronger. Levi is a good teacher." Lilly smiled.

"I'm happy to hear that." April smiled warmly. "I was worried you'd be in a personal hell working with the Captain." April continued.

 

"I was too, but things have really turned around. He's really not so bad once you get to know him." Lilly said as she played with her hair.

"Oh, really?" April asked raising and eyebrow suspiciously as she watched Lilly play with her hair.

"Yeah, but I've really got to go. I don't want to get reprimanded for being late." Lilly said quickly as she started to run to make her way to the clearing.

 

................

 

The trees around them danced in the wind.

Levi stood in front of her as she stood in rest stance. His arms were crossed behind his back.

"I want to complement you on your progress the past few weeks. You've met my expectations." Levi said as he stood before her.

"Thank you for helping me get here, Sir." Lilly saluted and nodded. Her hair lifted off her back and blew in the breeze.

Levi nodded and then looked away for a moment.

"Soon, I will be testing you on everything I've taught you so far. I will attack you using the techniques we've gone over. I expect you to respond accordingly." Levi said as he gazed into the trees.

"I will make you proud, Sir." Lilly said with a confident expression.

She had to. Her muscles ached everyday for this. She stayed up late at night training for this.

"You'll have to prove it." He said as he glanced back at her.

He took a step forward and got into a fighting stance. 

He then threw his fist towards her face, but she stepped to the side with a grunt as she grabbed onto his arm with one hand, pulling herself to lodge her elbow lightly into his face. She then quickly brought the same elbow down into his arm while kicking out his knee. She then lodged her leg in between his legs, and twisted her body, knocking him onto his back with his wrist still in her grip. She then mock-stomped his face and then stepped back away in a fighting stance.

He stood up and brushed himself off, picking small blades of grass off his uniform.

"Good work." He said to her.

She grinned. 

It was not easy to get the Captain to compliment you. Everyone knew that.

"No one will be able ever kidnap me now." Lilly joked with a big smug smile.

Levi looked up at her and huffed as he shook his hair out of his blue eyes.

"At least not easily." He said with a slight frown, wiping his hand off with a clean rag.

"I don't think anyone would try to kidnap a soldier anyways. That'd be foolish." Lilly said as she tossed her jacket into the grass.

"That's not true." Levi said in a serious tone.

Lilly looked up at him with a surprised expression.

"What do you mean?" Lilly asked.

"For one, our ODM gear is valuable to a lot of the thugs within the walls. That already makes you a target, male or female." Levi stared at Lilly's harness that was strapped over her button up shirt.

"Second of all, young women are greatly sought after and sold into brothels in the underground. Some perverts have a thing for women in uniform." Levi furrowed his eyebrows.

"Thirdly, women that they would label 'exotic' or they feel are unique enough to fetch them a good buck are often preyed upon." Levi looked into her eyes with a serious expression.

What was he trying to say?

Lilly just stared at him. She frowned at the thought of it happening to her or April.

"Think of it as one of the many reasons you need to do this. We won't always be there to protect you." Levi said as he stepped towards her.

Lilly looked up into his face with wide eyes. She dreaded the thought of something like that happening. Had he seen this happen before? She shuddered at the thought of being locked in a dark room, being used up by multiple strange men. It saddened Lilly to think there were women out their experiencing this at this very moment.

"Let's continue the training. We don't have time to waste." Levi said suddenly, cutting through Lilly's thoughts.

Sometimes Captain Levi appeared to want to say more than he did. Sometimes she could see it in his eyes, or the way his mouth twitched in the corners when he was thinking.

He was hard to read, and it drove her crazy. But sometimes the subtle changes in his eyes were all she needed.

 

And the challenge is what intrigued her.

 

.............

 

That night, Erwin stood at the front of the mess hall as everyone ate their dinner at their tables. 

Levi stood beside him.

"As you may know, we have set an expedition a week from now within Wall Maria. You've all trained very hard during the past month. I've seen a lot of growth in many of you. You're all becoming fine soldiers. So Corporal Levi and I have decided that you've earned two side by side days of rest from training."

The recruits cheered and clapped. 

Lilly heard cups being clanged together and the male soldiers being obnoxious.

They had rest days occasionally, but never two in a row.

"About time." Jean muttered as he picked up a carrot.

Lilly just glanced at him with a bored expression. Jean hadn't been the same the past few weeks. He seemed agitated, and didn't talk much. His negativity was becoming hard for Lilly to be around constantly. She'd stop to talk to him briefly, but she never had the time like she use to. 

Perhaps this irritated him too.

"These rest days begin tomorrow. But, tomorrow we are having you DEEP clean around here for a couple of hours in the morning. This is our home, it is important to keep it in order." Erwin said firmly.

The soldiers groaned.

"Bet that was Captain Levi's idea." Ben nudged April's arm and smirked.

April rolled her eyes and smiled at Lilly.

"You will report to Captain Levi tomorrow morning after breakfast to be assigned specific buildings to clean within the headquarters. The day after tomorrow, is completely yours." Erwin announced.

"Goodnight." Erwin saluted before leaving the hall.

Levi returned to his table without a word.

Lilly turned around in her seat and began to finish her dinner. 

She was planning to head to the weight room before she went to bed again. Then the next two days, she'd simply rest. Lilly took her final sip and picked up her dishes. Jean turned to her.

"Leaving early again?" Jean asked in a annoyed tone.

Lilly furrowed her eyebrows and frowned as she stood. April and Ben looked up at her.

"You know why I leave every other night Jean. Don't act like this hasn't been part of my routine for nearly an entire month." Lilly said down to him as he sat in his seat.

As Lilly turned, she noticed the Captain watching her again from behind his teacup. She looked away as she turned to put her dishes up on the counter. She then left the mess hall and walked out into the night.

The night air was cool and the crickets were chirping. Summer was at its peak and soon Autumn would be amongst them. Lilly saw the glow of fireflies in the fields in the distance. Those had always been her favorite. Her father used to take her out at night to capture them in glass mason jars as a child. She'd bring them in and show her mother, who was squeamish of bugs, but pretended to be amazed every time anyways.

Lilly sweetly smiled at the memory.

Once in the weight room, Lilly lit the lantern and hung her jacket. She stretched for the second time that day before she started her lifting. Growing definition in her back and arms were becoming apparent. Her core muscles had started to show through her stomach, but ever so slightly. This was enough reward to push her harder. Her parents would be proud if they saw her now.

She would never need a man to protect her.

The door clicked open and Lilly turned her head to see who had entered. She always lifted alone after the first night Levi had opened the door for her. She preferred to be alone in her thoughts while she lifted. 

It was her alone time.

Jean's body slipped from behind the door and he shut it closed behind him. Lilly just turned her head away and continued to lift. She was not in the mood to speak with him.

"Lilly." Jean said.

Lilly ignored him, keeping her back to him. She heard him step forward.

"I need to talk to you." Jean said softly.

"Not now." Lilly said.

Now was not the time. She needed to keep going. She needed to be consistent.

Jean appeared in front of her and she stared at him silently as she continued lifting. She began to lift faster, her body jerking.

"Stop acting like this." Jean scowled as he looked down at her.

He had been much taller than her, and it made her angry to be looked down on and commanded what to do. And lately, all he did was nag at her.

"Jean, leave me alone." Lilly frowned.

"Why are you being like this? You've been so different since we got here. What, you think you're too good for the rest of us now?" Jean jabbed as he stood before her.

"No, I just take my job as a soldier seriously." Lilly jabbed back as she glared into his eyes.

"And I don't?!" Jean raised his voice.

Lilly was silent.

"You're changing Lilly." Jean said in a lower voice.

"This is what I'm supposed to be doing." Lilly replied sternly as she scowled.

"It's good to work hard, and I'm so proud of you. But don't throw who you are out the window! Living is important too." Jean threw his hands in the air.

Lilly didn't answer.

"Do you even talk to Conny anymore?" He asked.

She paused to think. They talked occasionally, but not nearly as much. Conny usually hung out with Sasha, Christa, and Ymir. He kinda did that on his own. How was she to blame fore that?

"You used to be different. You used to be nothing but warm smiles and a wild untamable soul. I was drawn to you instantly as soon as I saw you..." Jean looked down at the wooden floor.

Lilly never heard him speak like this before. And she was afraid of where it was going to lead.

Just then, Lilly thought she heard a noise outside the door but got distracted by Jean's pacing across the floor. He was searching for his words, but he was getting to emotional like he always had with Eren. Always ready to blow up. So many times she had to break up fights between him and Eren. Jean could be a real emotional jerk at times.

"Jean-"

"You were elegance, and yet you were fire. And I fell in love with that about you." Jean then turned to face her.

Lilly dropped her arms with the weights in her hands and stared at him.

Lilly remembered the kiss on graduation night. How she blatantly rejected him. He hadn't spoke of it again since, but now this truth was being spilled out to her. She wanted him to stop. It pained her to hear it.

He was making her feel guilty.

She wasn’t required to return his affection if she didn’t feel the same. She loved him, but as a friend.

"And know what, screw it! I'm already this far in." Jean said looking into her eyes.

Her heart was pounding and she felt her face getting hot. She turned away to put the weights on the wrack. She knew what was coming and she couldn't face him.

"I love you Lilly, that's why I worry." He said softly.

Lilly was silent. 

She didn't know what to say. She wanted to say something, but was afraid it would come out all wrong and make it worse. She just stood still.

"But now you've gone cold. Like a statue or something. You hardly talk. You barely sit and rest at the table with us. We are your friends. You know, the ones who've been by your side from the start of this?" Jean spun her around by the shoulder.

Lilly backed up against the wrack. The space between them was full of tension. The air felt thick to breathe in. Jean frowned at her.

 

"Cold. Even now you say nothing. Like talking to a damn brick wall." Jean said quietly.

Lilly felt her eyes stinging. 

There was some truth in his words. She wasn't speaking as much to her friends. But because her mind was constantly going. She was focused on a goal. Perhaps she had become a bad friend. She hadn't communicated with them. And now this had built up within Jean, and it was all coming out now.

Had April and Ben felt this way also?

"Cold. Like the Captain. That's why you're like this. You spend too much time with him." Jean said angrily.

Lilly opened her mouth and paused for a moment. Then she sighed.

"Jean, he's training me." Lilly said quietly.

"So you open your mouth to defend him." Jean glared at her. 

His eyes were angry,

"No I just-"

"I see you look at him all the time." Jean said in a sullen tone as he looked away to hide the hurt that washed over his face.

Lilly swallowed.

Her hair hung around her face and her eyes started to sting. This was getting too hard for her now. She wanted to leave.

"Always looking for him. You make it so obvious to everyone." Jean scoffed.

"It's not like that." Lilly said quietly as she looked down.

Jean glared at her as he stood before her.

"It's not? I see him look at you too." Jean said with jealousy blatantly in his voice.

Lilly quickly looked up and felt a tear fall from her eye. Was that true?

"Oh please. How could you not notice? He's not as sly as you'd expect. You'd think he'd make it less obvious. What would the Commander think if he heard that the Captain had been screwing his subordinate." Jean said.

"That's not true. Jean just leave, please." Lilly said quietly.

"People think it's pretty suspicious Lilly. I mean, you train alone with him away from everyone else. We all see you having your little weird tea sessions with him on cleaning days. They're already assuming you've fucked him to gain favor." Jean spat.

Lilly started to stomp towards the hanger to get her jacket. She didn't need to explain anything to him. At least when he was worked up like this. Suddenly she was spun around and grabbed by her wrists.

"Stop trying to avoid the conversation Lilly. Tell me why I'm not good enough for you at the very least, then I'll leave you alone. Don't leave me wondering what is so damn wrong with me so I can just move on!" Jean shouted with pain in his voice as he looked in her teary eyes.

"Jean, stop it." Lilly cried quietly.

She had never seen him so upset. She could see he was in pain. And she had caused it.

Just then, the door opened. Their heads turned, with Lilly's wrists still in Jean's grasp. There stood the Captain. His eyes narrowed and then his eyebrows furrowed, his mouth downturned.

"What is this shit?" Levi said asked sternly, his glare was cold and hard as he stared into Jean's eyes.

Jean looked back at Lilly and scoffed as he let go of her small wrists. He shook his head at her.

"Of course." Jean said before turning to leave.

Jean began to make his way past the Captain. Levi stepped aside and Jean slammed the door behind him.

Lilly felt a aching knot in her stomach.

She weakly sank to the floor and began to cry silently. She couldn't process what had just happened. She tried to hide her face as tears ran from her eyes. The Captain was the last person she wanted to see her this way.

She didn't know what to do.

She had never upset anyone like that in her life, let alone a close friend.

 

*LEVI POV*

 

He had heard most of it as he stood behind the door. 

He had been passing by on his way to his office and saw the light through the window, and knew Lilly had been in. He thought he'd just step in to see how her progress was going. But when he neared the door, he hadn't expected to hear another man's voice from inside. And the voice was angry and accusing. 

So he had stood closer to the door and overheard what was being said to Lilly.

Were people really making up these ridiculous rumors? These brats apparently weren't given enough chores because they were obviously still bored enough to be spreading that kind of shit.

Lilly wasn't that type of woman, even he could see that. So he was surprised to see such an outburst from one of her supposed best friends who had known her for three years. Perhaps she did glance over at him frequently. That was true. Maybe she had developed an interest in him. But she never expressed that to him in any way.

Their relationship had been professional.

After Jean had stomped out like an overgrown child with a shit in his pants, Levi was left alone with Lilly who was crying.

It made him uncomfortable to see her that way. Seeing girls cry always made him feel uncomfortable. It wasn't the first time he'd seen a woman cry in the military. He'd often leave it alone and let others worry about it. Hange was surprisingly very supportive and helpful to the women here in the scouts. Sometimes the women here just needed to vent, or needed an unbiased person's insight on what they were feeling. Hange had always been the one to soothe them. She was surprisingly very motherly.

So Levi always gladly stepped back.

He used to see his mother cry at night, when she thought he had been sleeping. The burden the woman carried weighed heavy on her till she breathed her last breath.

He wished he had gotten up and wiped those tears away.

He shook the painful memory from his mind and focused on Lilly. He stood before her, not sure what to do. He tapped her foot with his boot softly.

"Hey don't do that." He said.

She looked up at him with tears running down her cheeks and she looked away to hide her face. He noticed her cheeks turned pink. Tears continued to escape her eyes.

"Shit." He said under his breath and turned his face away.

Why did he have to come check on her?

No. 

That was selfish of him. 

That was his job.

He needed to get her out of this pathetic state.

"You look like shit when you cry. Cut it out." He said said as he kneeled down next to her.

She looked back at him with those big blue eyes that were filled with hurt. It made him frown. Her lips parted like she wanted to speak but nothing but a whimper came out. Suddenly she wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in his cloak. His body tensed up. 

He was not expecting this. 

Shit.

He froze for a few seconds as he felt her sob into his neck as her small body shuddered against him. His body eased a little bit as her hair tickled his chin. 

The smell of peaches and jasmine rose from her head.

He lifted his hand up, and at first awkwardly patted her on the back. But she kept crying quietly into his cloak.

Shit.

A sigh left his lips.

He then brought his other arm up and wrapped both arms around her, which seemed to calm her down a bit more. He felt her petite torso relax in his embrace.

He didn't like being put in these situations normally.

But he had spent a lot of time with Lilly. He had trained her everyday, for a few hours a day, for almost an entire month. They also had sat often to have tea breaks during cleaning hours, where they had small conversations about Lilly's old life. Not so much his. But even then, he didn't pry too much with her. 

But It was true.

She had become part of his daily life.

Some days he was extremely groggy and irritable. But being in her warm presence almost seemed to ease him. She was a determined girl. She had a flame in her belly that kept her working hard. And she was a sweet girl.

And good God she could make a good cup of tea.

He had watched as she'd stop occasionally to pick various plants and flowers and tuck them away discretely in her cloth bag. He never stopped her from doing it. He knew this was part of her life before the military. But It was just refreshing to see a woman act so feminine within the scouts, picking flowers with her hair blowing in the wind.

So he let it be.

Sometimes her innocence reminded him of Isabelle. The way she often looked up to him with those big admiring eyes was very similar.

Perhaps he'd felt slightly protective of Lilly for that reason.

"I'm sorry." Lilly's muffled voice said into his chest.

"What for?" He asked her blandly.

"That you walked in on that. That you're seeing me like this-"

"It's fine. Just be quiet and collect yourself." He cut her off.

She didn't need to apologize.

From what he had overheard, Kirstein had obviously had personal feelings for Lilly. Levi noticed Jean had always been next to her, and if he wasn't next to her, he was watching her protectively from a distance. Levi's eyes had even crossed paths with Jean's a few times. Jean never looked at Levi pleasantly, as if he cared. The man had obviously had jealousy problems that he needed to deal with. And it was not Lilly's fault he responded in such a way to her.

She owed him nothing.

The picture of Jean having his big idiot hands wrapped around her tiny wrists that way made Levi's mouth twitch in a frown. 

There was no tolerance for harassment in the Survey Corps.

"I will write a harassment report when I get to my office." Levi spoke into her hair.

Lilly pulled away and Levi dropped his arms from her back.

"No, it's okay. Don't do that." Lilly said as she pulled away.

He furrowed his brows at her.

"Why not?" He asked.

She looked up at him and frowned. She moved her long hair out of her face to lay it down the front of her shoulder and sighed.

"It was my fault. I upset him." Lilly said.

He scowled at her.

"Tch. I don't care what shitty reason he had in his head to be grabbing you like that. Don't protect his idiot mistakes just because he's your friend." He said with frustration.

"He's just worried." Lilly pleaded.

She was too innocent for her own good. Levi started to pull away, and Lilly grabbed his cloak, but quickly let go. He slightly turned his head to look at her.

"You still think that's a good reason?" He asked her.

"He told me he loved me." Lilly admitted quietly.

"Ah. I see." Levi looked past her face and towards the wooden wall warmly lit by the lantern.

He knew what happened, but he wasn't about to tell her that he had stood outside the door for most of it.

Regardless-

That didn't quite make sense as to why he grabbed her that way. It silently irritated him.

"Do you return the feelings?" He asked without making eye contact.

Lilly frowned and slumped.

"Do you think if I did, he would have reacted in such a way?" Lilly asked as she looked down at her hands.

It frustrated him that Lilly still thought it was her fault. Levi stood up and helped her up. He didn't want to know any further detail. He had heard enough as it was. It was her personal business after all.

"Get some rest Lilly. I'm putting you to work tomorrow morning. We've got a lot of cleaning to get done before you can enjoy your days off from training." He said as he walked across the floor and blew out the lantern.

"Yes Sir." Lilly said quietly.

Levi locked the door behind him, then turned as he watched the pale-haired woman make her way to the woman's barracks in the moonlight.

 

Perhaps he had watched her too much as well.


	16. Safer This Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deep clean up early in the morning, rest of the day is a rest day.

The next day, Lilly stood next to April in line to be assigned chores. 

It was early in the morning, the sun was just rising. Jean stood a few people ahead of them, and hadn't spoken to Lilly once. 

Lilly still felt upset about the night before, and still couldn't bring herself to speak with him.

And of course, April would want to know everything. Lilly had filled in April as soon as they woke up that morning.

She didn't have much choice.

April jumped into her bed as soon as she heard that Lilly was awake. April had admitted that a rumor had started, but she didn't want to let Lilly know because she was afraid she'd get discouraged and not keep training the way she had been.

And April was right not to tell her. 

Lilly did start to feel slightly discouraged. She had never been called a whore in her life, till April had told her that's what people had started saying.

But Lilly wasn't mad at April. She knew she was just trying to protect her.

The line slowly started moving forward as Captain Levi assigned chores to the Cadet's. No one was looking forward to it, and everyone just wanted to get it over with so they could actually relax for the rest of the day.

"I want this whole deep clean thing to be over." April said as she crossed her arms. Her brown hair was still messy from waking up so early.

"I just want to lay in bed all day." Lilly said in a gloomy voice.

"Lilly, cheer up." April rubbed Lilly's arm.

Lilly didn't look up at all.

"Some jealous girl probably made that up. Though Captain Levi is unapproachable, neurotic, and a bit of an asshole, he is a handsome guy. Not to mention a bit of a celebrity, being the strongest soldier. Girls were probably just jealous that you get to spend one-on-one training with him. Big deal." April said.

"I mean I guess so. It's not like it was true." Lilly said as she looked up.

"Right, but you do stare." April laughed.

"No I don't." Lilly said defensively.

"Uh, yeah you do. It's okay, you get to train with an attractive guy who happens to be Humanity's Strongest. Who wouldn't develop a bit of a harmless crush?" April joked.

Lilly rolled her eyes.

The physical attraction had been there since she laid eyes on him three years ago in Trost. His eyes drew her in from the start. And he was handsome, she couldn't deny that. But on a deeper level, he inspired her. He was what she longed to be. Being so powerful despite his height. It was hard not to look at him, especially the more she spent time with him.

But she wasn't sleeping with him to gain favor, let alone sleeping with him at all.

"And Jean will get over it. Just take some space and then talk to him. I know he didn't mean to get worked up like that. He just cares. Maybe in a overprotective, smothering way...but he cares. He noticed a change and he freaked out. Me and Ben understand, you've been busy Lilly. We were never upset with you." April said.

"God I love you." Lilly hugged April tightly.

How did she get so lucky to have such a great friend? The girl had been one of the sweetest and most understanding that she ever met. Just listening to her speak always perked her back up. You needed friends like this in these times.

"Ah, Jean Kirstein." Levi's voice called out in front of them.

Jean stood before Levi, the tension was thick between them. 

Lilly could feel it from where she stood. She saw Levi's cold expression on his face.

"Captain." Jean nodded and acknowledged Levi with a scowl.  
Levi's eyes shifted to Lilly and back to Jean who towered over him.

"You've been assigned cleaning duties for both the men's and women's restrooms. Alone." Levi said bluntly.

"Alone? That's going to take me all day!" Jean complained.

Levi grabbed Jean by the collar and pulled him down to his face.

"Get moving Kirstein. And don't forget to clean out the women's rag bin. I've heard it's been especially gruesome this month." Levi let go of Jean's collar and Jean stomped away without another word.

"Gross. Guess the Captain is sticking it to him now for last night huh? Maybe he does care for you. I mean, cleaning the women's menstrual rags?! Talk about harsh." April laughed.

"Yeah I guess. I almost feel sorry..." Lilly said as she watched Jean stomp off in the distance.

"Lilly, mess hall. April, storage." Levi called out before them.

"I'll see you later. Let's meet up when we are done. I miss my best friend." Lilly smiled.

"Climb a tree?" April asked.

"Absolutely." Lilly grinned.

"If you have time to chat, you have time to clean. Move." Levi ordered.

"Yes sir." Lilly said as she darted off to the mess hall.

 

............

 

Lilly started in the corners of the room first. She scrubbed out any accumulated grunge and then wiped off all the tables. Then she dusted the candle chandeliers by standing on a tall stool. After that, she cleaned the windows and then swept the stone floor. She couldn't believe how messy this place had gotten. She tried to move quickly as she knew Levi had probably started making his rounds by now. She didn't want to hear him complain about how slow she was like he usually did. 

She grabbed a bucket of water and some soap and started scrubbing the floor on her hands and knees. She started to break a sweat a one point, so she removed her jacket and unbuttoned a couple of buttons on her shirt. She then put her hair up in a messy bun on top of her head because it started to cling to her neck in the humid heat.

Now that she was more comfortable, she could return to her floor scrubbing. Scrubbing the floors always took her the longest, but she really tried to balance between doing a good job and working swiftly. She was often made to clean the hall by herself, but she didn't mind. It was quiet, peaceful, mindless work.

Lilly worked hard at a spot that wouldn't come off the floor. What was that? Old potato? Barf? She dumped some warm soapy water on it and the water splashed up onto her shirt.

"Oh just great!" Lilly tossed her hands in the air.

"Taking up talking to yourself?" Levi's voice said from behind her.

She turned her head around and saw him standing there with a cloth mask over his face, and a cloth tied around his head to cover his hair. This was typically how he dressed when cleaning. 

Only his steely eyes were visible to her.

"No, I just spilled water on the front of my shirt. Actually if you wouldn't mind turning around, my shirt has become quite sheer..." Lilly said sheepishly.

He sighed and then turned without a word.

He then walked to the other side of the room and into the pantry where she heard him going through the contents of the shelves. Lilly walked over to the old wooden table that she had tossed her jacket on and grabbed it quickly in her hands. She held it in front of her soaked chest and leaned to see if she could see the Captain from where she stood. He was too busy inspecting tea jars to even peek at her. Not that she thought he would, but she just wanted to be safe. She quickly slid the jacket on and buttoned it. Now she was hot, but at least her undergarments wouldn't be showing through her shirt.

"Hey, Lilly." Levi called.

Lilly walked over to the pantry and saw Levi scooping out the black tea leaves.

"Show me how you make your black tea. The one you usually make us. I wanna know." He ordered without looking up at her.

Lilly just blinked at him.

"Well?" He asked.

Lilly reached for her cloth bag and reached inside. She removed another dried orange peel that she saved from her meals. She then added it to the tea leaves, and then looked up at the shelf. 

The cinnamon and nutmeg were too high up for the both of them to reach on their own.

"I need a chair. I can't reach those spices." Lilly said.

Levi glanced up at the jarred spices and back at Lilly. She went to turn to go get a chair from the dining area, but suddenly she felt Levi grab her around the waist and lift her into the air. She gasped as he held her above him. She stared down into his eyes silently in shock. He had lifted her like she was nothing.

"Can you reach them?" Levi asked from below her.

Lilly then collected herself and looked up to see the two spices were easily reachable now.

"..yes." Lilly said as she grabbed one jar at a time, safely tucking them into her arm.

"Okay, I have them." Lilly smiled down at him.

Levi gently brought Lilly to the ground and she turned to face him. He removed the cloth mask covering his face and looked down in her hands.

"What do you have?" He asked.

"Nutmeg and cinnamon. Sweet spices." Lilly smiled at him.

"That's all?" He asked.

"That's all." She nodded.

 

..........

 

They sat at the table with their tea quietly. Lilly closed her eyes as she held her cup under her nose with both hands. She basked in the smell of it. It brought her back home every time.

Papa. 

She missed him badly. She missed his scratchy stubbly beard, and how it'd rub against her face when he hugged her. The way he'd kiss the top of her head and ruffle her hair.

"Captain?" Lilly asked.

"Hm?"

She opened her eyes and saw him looking at her curiously. He leaned back and his chair creaked.

"Do you miss your parents? I mean, do you ever get to visit them?" Lilly asked quietly.

Levi frowned and looked into the flames dancing within the fireplace.

"No." He answered.

"No as in you don't miss them? Or no as in you don't get to visit?" Lilly asked.

"Why are you asking?" Levi snapped in an irritated tone.

Was he upset with her?

Lilly frowned and slouched in her chair and sighed.

"I just wanted to know if maybe tomorrow...maybe I could visit my parents in Radako Village. Just briefly." Lilly asked quietly.

Levi looked at her with a straight face.

"I don't make those kinds of calls Lilly. You'd have to take it up with Erwin." Levi said as he took another sip from his cup.

"Do you think he'd say yes?" Lilly asked.

Levi traced his finger around the handle of his cup and sighed.

"I'm sure he would." He said as he glanced up at her.

She smiled to herself warmly. Excitement bubbled in her belly as she thought of seeing her parents and her village.

"You say your parents make tea, right?" Levi asked with his cup against his lips.

"Yes, and all kinds of things. Soaps..." Lilly smiled knowingly.

Levi glanced up at her and leaned back again.

"Perhaps I will go with you. If I'm not intruding, that is." He said as he looked down at his fingers.

Lilly's mouth hung open. He wanted to go with her?

"No, that would be totally okay. I don't mind. You'd find a lot of nice things in our apothecary." Lilly said warmly.

"I will run it by Erwin now that I will be escorting you. Plan to leave before dawn. That should give you the whole day to see your parents." Levi said as he stood and pushed in his chair.

"I'm going to ask April, Ben and Conny too. They are from my village also." Lilly said as she looked up at Levi.

"I'll let Erwin know." Levi said as he began to walk away.

Lilly stood to start cleaning the tea cups and looked back up at Levi who stood in the doorway watching her.

"Make the most of your day tomorrow Lilly. Who knows what this upcoming expedition will bring." He said before exiting the building.

Lilly looked down at the cups in her arms.

He was right.

There was no telling if she'd ever come home again after the expedition.

 

............

 

Lilly stepped out of the mess hall and out into the sun when she was done cleaning. She was looking around for April and then suddenly she was bumped into. 

Books and papers came crashing down at her feet.

Hange.

"I am so sorry! Here let me help you!" Lilly reached down and started gathering Hange's fallen belongings.

"Awh, no worries Lilly. It was my fault, had my face buried in some new Titan research." Hange chuckled and adjusted her glasses.

"What kind of Titan research?" Lilly asked as she dusted off a notepad.

"Hey, don't even get her started." Miche said as he approached. 

He then looked at Lilly and sniffed.

"Been with the Captain?" Miche asked with a suspicious look.

Lilly gave him a confused look as she picked up a paper.

"Uh, Yes. He just inspected the mess hall and relieved me of my cleaning duties." Lilly answered as she stood up.

"And making tea?" Miche sniffed again.

"He never changes!" Hange laughed as she stacked her books neatly.

Lilly looked down at a notebook that had been dated from years ago.

"Have you been in the Scout Regiment longer than Captain Levi?" Lilly asked as she looked down at the notebook.

"Yes, but not much longer." Hange said with a smile.

Lilly wondered about his reaction when she asked about his parents. It seemed to make him uncomfortable. He was a hard one to crack open.

"What was he like before?" Lilly asked as she tucked her pale hair behind her ear and crossed the notebook across her chest absentmindedly.

"You sure are curious about the Captain little one." Miche raised a brow at her.

"Miche, it's fine. He is a very ... mysterious guy. Ohhh Levi." Hange chuckled.

"Mysterious pain in the ass." Miche added.

Lilly looked at Hange waiting for an answer.

"Well, he wasn't much different from the way he is now, really. But he used to be a famous thug from the underground." Hange whispered with excitement in her eyes.

"That's right. The Commander persuaded him to join the scouts or something." Miche said.

Lilly opened her eyes wide in shock. The Captain was a thug? Is that why he was so talented in combat? Was she learning defense from the streets of the underground?

"A thug?" Lilly asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, but I don't really know all the details myself. Anyways, I don't want to keep you from enjoying your day of rest." Hange said with a smile.

Lilly handed Hange the notebook she was holding and nodded.  
"See ya 'round little one." Miche said as he followed Hange to her study.

 

............

 

"I'm so glad that we get to actually get to do this again." Lilly said to April as her feet dangled from the branch they sat in.

They had picked a tree close to headquarters, on top of a hill.

"It's like the good 'Ol days huh?" April put another daisy in Lilly's platinum braid.

Lilly was quiet for a moment as the cool breeze kissed her face. 

The leaves in the tree danced around them as they looked towards the headquarters. Many of the soldiers started to walk out into the surrounding fields after they had finished their chores. The sun was starting to get lower in the summer sky.

"If we were to get the chance, would you want to visit Radako with me." Lilly asked her friend as she rested her head on her shoulder.

"When would we ever get the chance?" April asked curiously.

Lilly was silent as she remembered Levi's words.

"Tomorrow." Lilly grinned

"No way." April said grinning widely.

"Yes. We leave just before dawn tomorrow. Tell Ben and Conny."   
Lilly held April's hand.

April looked off towards headquarters and smiled.

"I can't believe it." She said.

"How do you think our parents will react?" Lilly asked in a more serious tone.

"I don't know...maybe mad...maybe happy that we aren't dead." April said.

"I hope they are just happy to see me." Lilly frowned.

"Oh they will be. If either of our parents were going to murder us for lying and running away to join the military, it'd be my parents." April laughed.

Lilly was quiet for a minute as she kicked her feet in the air.

"Captain Levi is taking us." Lilly said.

"What? Why?" April asked.

"Well, He's escorting us for one. And he likes tea. My parents make tea. Simple really." Lilly said smiling.

"Uh huh. I think he likes you too." April joked.

"No April. It's not like that." Lilly laughed.

"Yeah, I'll play along with your little game you got going on. But I see the way you guys look at each other. Whatever it is that you got going on, even your 'nothingness' has something to it. I'm no stranger to the game." April hopped out of the tree.

"I don't think he'd ever like me like that April. Even if I do fancy him a bit, it doesn't matter. He'd only reject me anyways." Lilly sighed.

"You never know ‘til you try." April looked up at Lilly.

"I won't risk ruining whatever 'nothing' we have going on. I rather keep it the way it is." Lilly laughed.

"Lilly, one day your feelings will grow so big that you won't be able to hold them in any longer. That's how it works. I mean look at Jean. He obviously didn't handle it right with you, but he let them all out because he couldn't contain it any longer. And he waited three years! Knowing my wild Lilly, you won't wait very long." April turned her back and started to make her way down the hill.

Lilly scoffed and jumped out of the tree and followed her closely.

"I'm going to go tell Ben and Conny, I'll meet you back at the barracks to prepare for tomorrow. I'm so excited and happy!" April squealed as she skipped away with her flowers bouncing in her hair.

Lilly laughed as she watched her friend depart. 

On her way to the barracks, she thought about what April said about the Captain. She frowned at the thought of Levi rejecting her, or thinking she was a stupid little girl with silly feelings. In her mind, the Captain was too good for her anyways. It was best if her harmless little crush remained a harmless little crush. There was too much she needed to focus on and a distraction could cost her her very life.

It was safer this way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am the Island.
> 
> You are the ocean.
> 
> I cannot have you
> 
> Without drowning.


	17. Some Day Came Suddenly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilly leaves for Radako. Will her parents still be there? Will they be upset with her if they are?

Lilly and April hardly slept that night. 

The excitement was too much for the two young women. They'd fall asleep for an hour every now and then, but they'd wake up soon after hoping it was time to leave already. So the two would gossip and reminisce on old days together to pass time. They wondered what everyone looked like now, and who married who. 

Who had kids, who moved out of the village.

But eventually, the time had come to go meet Ben, Conny, and the Captain outside.

After getting dressed, they exited the barracks. The sun hadn’t come up yet, and the remnants of stars were still in the sky. The air was very cool and damp, and the crickets were still chirping. 

Everyone was still asleep, so it was very quiet and peaceful. Lilly listened to the songs of tree frogs as they made their way to the stables. Captain Levi was already there getting his horse ready.

"Good morning Captain." April said as she walked over to her tan horse.

"Morning. Where are the other two?" Levi asked.

"Conny and Ben will be here soon." Lilly said as she reached over to pet her white horse's face.

"You're such a pretty boy, aren't you." Lilly said cooing to the creature.

Lilly looked up to see Levi watching her as he ran his fingers through his horse's dark mane. She smiled at him before swinging herself up onto the horse's back. Then she saw Conny and Ben running towards them.

"Oi, Lilly why did we have to wake up so early?" Conny asked as he caught his breath.

"I suggested it, Springer." Levi said in his usual low tone as he pet his horse's snout.

"Oh, uh- Captain Levi I didn't see you there Sir." Conny chuckled nervously.

Levi didn't respond as he climbed up on his horse.

"Wow. We are going home for the first time in over three years today." Ben said as he smiled to himself. "Wonder what Clyde has been up to these days." He continued.

April touched Ben's arm and smiled.

"Let's get moving." Levi said as his horse crossed in front of Lilly's. "I'm sure none of you want to waste a minute of this day." Levi glanced at Lilly as if his words were especially meant for her.

 

...

 

The group exited the headquarters in the brisk morning air, and the sun was starting to come up in the distance. Lilly pulled up her green hood while she rode her horse closely next to Levi's, and April smirked at her mischievously as she watched. Lilly rolled her eyes at her friend and quickly turned her head back around to take in the beautiful views that they passed.

She sighed happily to herself.

Right now she felt content. She was surrounded by friends, on her way to see her precious family once more. She had not a worry in the world.

She'd glance over at the Captain occasionally, hoping her hood would hide the fact that she was looking. He looked so handsome riding next to her. She couldn't help but sigh quietly when she looked at him.

"Hey. What are you looking at?" Levi said to her without even glancing at her.

"Huh? I'm not looking at anything." Lilly said frantically as she played with her horse's reigns.

She looked away and huffed. How could she be so obvious?  
But it was so hard for her not to glance at him as he rode stoically on his horse.

"We are almost there." Lilly said as she observed a familiar boulder alongside the road.

"I'm so nervous." April said.

"Your parents will be more happy to see you alive than angry April." Ben said in efforts to comfort his love.

Levi glanced at Lilly suspiciously. She hadn't told him that she had run away, partially to avoid an arranged marriage with a wealthy man from Sina.

 

Soon, they could see the village in the distance. Lilly froze and stopped her horse in place as she gripped onto her chest. Her heart was racing. Levi stopped next to her.

"What are you waiting for. Go on." He said as he nodded his head towards the village.

Lilly smiled warmly at him and then glanced behind her at her friends.

"Ready?" Lilly asked.

"Yes! Race ya there Lilly!" April laughed as she raced past Lilly on her horse.

Lilly grinned and raced off behind her on her horse.

As they approached the village, they slowed down. Villagers that were outside froze to watch as the soldiers approached. 

They all were in uniform, so this drew a lot of attention. Military never visited Ragako, especially the Scout Regiment. Lilly got off her horse and stood in front of April.

"I'll meet you back here after I see my parents." Lilly said with nervousness shaking her voice.

April hugged Lilly tightly.

"Good luck girl." April said before she let go.

Ben stood by April's side and held her hand.

"Ready?" Ben looked down at April.

April nodded and then turned to head towards the direction of her house. Conny had already left to go see his parents without a word.

Levi stood behind Lilly.

"My house is this way." Lilly said softly as she started to slowly head towards the other side of the village.

Levi walked besides her quietly. Lilly could tell he was taking in everything around him as they walked. Many of the villagers stopped and stared.

"Isn't that Sven's girl?"

"She's alive? I thought she was kidnapped into trafficking or something?"

"No, no. I heard she went off to marry that rich guy out in Sina."

"Looks like she's a soldier now. What a waste."

“Who’s he? He’s not from here.”

“Isn’t that Captain Levi?”

“No, isn’t he taller?”

The voices mumbled as she passed by them. Lilly held her head high as she walked. Levi seemed to pay no attention to the voices either which was a relief to her.

Then they finally came to a stop. 

They stood outside Lilly's parents’ shop entrance. Herbs and flowers hung from the beams outside the door. It was quiet. Everything stood still for a moment.

Lilly took in a deep breath.

"They'll be happy to see you. Don't keep them waiting more than they have." Levi said as he stood by her side.

"I just can't believe I'm here..." Lilly whispered.

She reached out and opened the front door, and the bell chimed. Lilly stepped in with Levi close behind her.

Herbs hung all around them

The smell of home hit Lilly in the face and then she saw her.

Her mother was kneeling down on the ground arranging some baskets.

"Hi, welcome to-" and then her mother looked up and froze. Her sweet face dropped. She was silent for a minute. Frozen in complete shock.

"Lilly?" Her mother's voice cracked with raw emotion.

Without a word Lilly ran to her mother and kneeled down and threw herself into her mother's arms. Lilly's mother cried and laughed as she rocked her back and forth in her arms. Lilly stuck her nose in her mother's hair and took in her scent that she longed to smell for so long.

"You're alive. It's really you. You've come home." Lilly's mother kissed her face repeatedly as she sobbed.

Lilly's own tears ran down her face as she kissed her mother's hair.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." Lilly cried as her mother held her in her loving embrace.

"Shhh." Lilly's mother hushed her as she continued to rock her.

Lilly sat there for a minute in her mother's arms and then turned her face to Levi who had already started browsing the shop. He had let them have their moment without intruding which was kind of him.

Then Lilly's father entered the room holding a basket of sage.

"Emma, did you assist this young soldier up front here-" Lilly's father stopped in his tracks when he saw Lilly and her mother on the floor.

"Lilly?" He asked in a pained voice.

Lilly stood up and as soon as she did, her father scooped her up off the ground and kissed her face.

"My daughter." He started to cry into her hair.

"Papa." Lilly cried into his collared shirt.

He held her tightly for a few minutes, gently rocking her in his strong arms. Lilly felt all her stress, all her sadness and guilt leave her in his arms. His stubbly cheek pressed against hers as she felt him shudder against her. She never wanted to disappoint her parents. She never wanted to hurt them.  
And now she was here. She could explain it all to them.

She was home.

Slowly he put her down and measured her up and down. He reached out to her scout cape and felt it in his big hands. His face grew more serious.

He sighed.  
"So, you did join the military. You're in the Survey Corps now." He said in a low tone.

Lilly swallowed and looked back at Levi who was minding his own business as he picked up a glass tea jar.

"Yes Papa. I've worked very hard." She said softly.

Lilly's parents looked at each other and back at Lilly.

"Sven, let's have her back in the kitchen to talk." Her mother said.

"And look, she's brought such a handsome young man home. A soldier." Lilly's mother whispered with her hand blocking her mouth from Levi's view.

Lilly's father glanced at Levi and back at her.

"Are you going to introduce us to that young man so we can have you both back in the house for tea?" Lilly's father asked. 

Lilly looked over at Levi with warmth in her heart as she watched him lift a lid to smell a herbal tea blend with the sunlight gleaming on him through the window.

Her heart fluttered.

Lilly slowly walked over to Levi and he glanced down at her.

"Captain, I want to introduce you to them." She said as she tugged on the front of his cape.

He nodded his head as he put the jar back on the shelf.

"I'd be honored." He said to her.

Lilly smiled with her eyes still a bit wet from crying and lead him shyly over to where her parents stood.

"Mama, Papa, this is Lance Corporal Levi. He's been training me very hard and helping me become a great soldier. I'm not sure if I would have discovered this side of myself without him pushing me so hard everyday... this strong part of myself." Lilly paused and looked at him warmly. "He arranged for me to be able to visit today." Lilly said softly. 

She felt her face getting warm as her mother was watching her closely which made it worse.

"No kidding. This is Corporal Levi? Humanity's strongest? It's an honor." Lilly's father instantly became less skeptical and he stuck out his hand to shake Levi's firmly.

"I've heard many good things about you two. You've raised a fine young woman, and she's becoming a fine soldier. We value her very much." Levi nodded his head respectfully.

As soon as Levi let go of Lilly's Father's hand, Lilly's mother wrapped her arms tightly around Levi. Levi of course tensed up at first. He clearly wasn't expecting it. Lilly was beginning to get the impression that Levi wasn't touched very often because he seemed surprised by it every time.

"Thank you so much for bringing my daughter home." Lilly's mother said on his shoulder.

Levi's face softened as well as his body as he raised his hand and placed it on the back of her shoulder.

"You're very welcome." He said in a gentler tone than what he usually used.

Lilly's heart felt full in this moment. Seeing her parents, and seeing Levi with her parents. She had talked a lot about them to him during tea on their cleaning days. And he never seemed uninterested in hearing about them. He always sat quietly as she talked about her memories of them, often asking questions which she gladly answered.

And now he was meeting them for himself.

It was surreal, having the smell of her parent's shop around her.

It was all so heartwarming for her.

"Please, come sit in our kitchen. I'll make us some tea." Lilly's mother opened the door leading into their home.

Lilly couldn't help but notice Levi perk up.

..............

*LEVI POV*

 

Levi held Lilly's chair out so she could take a seat at her parents’ kitchen table, then he took a seat next to Lilly. He glanced around at the home around him. It was well kept, and it had a lot of charm to it. It was very clean. Not a speck of dust anywhere. He began to wonder where Lilly even learned to clean from.

Because her cleaning needed work.

Perhaps it was her lack of focus. Always distracted by the smallest things.

Levi noticed that even in their living area there were herbs drying from the rafters. Mrs. Holmes carefully brought the steaming tea kettle to the table and poured them each a cup of tea.

Levi looked down and noticed the color and the smell of the tea was all too familiar.

This was the tea Lilly always made him.

Lilly looked up at him and smiled brightly when she noticed as well.

That smile. He just stared at her quietly and took in her beaming face.

Beauty.

Levi was then caught off guard when he heard a chair being pulled out across from where he and Lilly sat.

Lilly's parents watched the two of them as they sat down at the table. Her mother was smiling at the both of them.

Lilly's mother was a small and pretty woman with a kind face. 

But Levi could tell that years of sadness had been etched into her eyes. Lilly resembled her in a way, but when he glanced at her father who was watching him closely, he couldn't deny that Lilly resembled her father most. Her striking features came from him. It was clear that they had been from some kind of northern decent by the tone of their hair and skin.

"I hope you like black tea, Corporal Levi. This is the recipe that we commonly make for guests." Mrs. Holmes smiled.

"I'm familiar with this tea actually. Lilly makes it just like this for us." Levi said as he reached his hand up to grip the small cup.

"She makes you this tea?" Lilly's mother asked. 

She was obviously touched by this.

"It always reminds me of you two." Lilly said as she looked up at her parents with adoring eyes. "I've missed you so much." Lilly said softly.

"We've missed you too sweet girl. We were so worried something had happened to you and April when we didn't hear from you, and then you never came back. The aristocrat from Sina said you never came to him...I couldn't sleep..." Lilly's mother said with exhaustion in her eyes.

Levi had started to put together that Lilly had not told her parents she was leaving for the military. It became apparent that her and April had runaway. That's why they were nervous to return.

"I know...I'm so sorry. But I had to..." Lilly said looking down into her cup.

"But why? Why the military?" Lilly's father asked with a deep frown.

Levi sipped his tea quietly as Lilly's parents waited for her response.

"Because I wanted more in life than to be some man's little trophy wife. I want to travel, to see what's outside the walls. To not have to rely on any man. To be my own saving grace." Lilly said as she looked up at her parents firmly.

"I couldn't marry that man. I don't care what security that life would have brought." Lilly said as she shook her head.

Levi continued to sit quietly. She ran away to escape an arranged marriage. Couldn't say he blamed her.

It was true. 

There was more to Lilly than just her beauty and size. Her determination is what made her a good soldier. Much like Eren Jaeger. It was also true that most women with a life like this wouldn't risk throwing it away, especially a woman with a chance to live comfortably within Sina. The thing was, most people who had joined the military had lost something. They had nothing else. Levi himself didn't have much of a choice. 

This became his purpose.

But Lilly, she hadn't lost anything.

In her eyes, it was to gain some sense of freedom and self worth.

She belonged in the scouts and yet she stuck out like a sore thumb at the same time. It confused him to watch her sometimes. To watch someone so pure and beautiful be so fearless and strong willed.

But at the end of the day, the young woman had talent. 

And they needed all the skill they could get against the titans. If she wanted to fight, then she was going to fight. No one could break this young woman's willpower.

"Lilly, you could literally be eaten and ripped into pieces. All so you could prove something to everyone?" Lilly's father asked, obviously trying to remain calm.

"I'm a woman. A small woman, but that's not all I am. I want to better humanity. They day I visited Trost to watch the scouts return, I saw many families torn apart. It sat with me, and I realized how badly this world needs to be fixed. The way things are aren’t okay. It’s not right." Lilly said.

Levi continued to stare into his cup as he listened.

He respected this girl. He already had for a while but more so now. She went against what was expected of her and she did it well.

With purpose. 

He couldn't deny that this was attractive to him.

He shook the thought out of his mind and lifted his cup to his mouth. Lilly's father was staring at him. His face was concerned. As it should be. Levi could only imagine if he were in Lilly's father's place right now.

"Lilly, titans aren't a joke." Lilly's mother said.

"I would know." Lilly said as she lifted her cup and raised a brow.

Her parents looked at each other with open mouths. Shock and fear was written on their faces.

"You've seen them?" Lilly's mother asked.

"In Trost. I was there." Lilly said quietly.

Lilly's father clenched his jaw. Her mother fanned her face with her hand. Her father was obviously pissed off, and her mother about to have a panic attack. Expected reactions.

"She fought them well, if it's any consolation." Levi decided to add in as he held his cup up.

"Sven, I think I'm going to pass out." Lilly's mother pinched the bridge of her nose.

Levi felt Lilly elbow him in the arm hard. Brat.

Lilly's mother did look pale.

"Just sit Emma. Calm down." Lilly's father said.

Lilly's mother sat down and held her face in her hands. Lilly frowned as she watched her father rub her mother's back in small circles.

"Mama, Papa. Please don't be upset. I'm doing okay. You've given me a beautiful life and I'm so grateful to you. But not everyone gets to live the happy life that I've gotten to enjoy. Many of them lost that opportunity because of the titans. That's why I fight. I've lived my fill of happiness because of you two alone. Your love keeps me strong on the hardest of days. And I will give my life happily for humanity, so that one day everyone will have the same happiness that I've had." Lilly said smiling with tears in her eyes.

Levi swallowed. 

As if this young woman couldn't get anymore beautiful to him. Her words were noble and pure. Her love for her parents and respect for herself was so true. She was strong and determined, yet feminine and full of innocence. She embodied the goodness in this world. The goodness that made life worth protecting in the first place.

He tightened his grip on his mug and looked to Lilly's mother who took a soft breath and then looked up with a smile on her face, tears running down her cheeks.

"I'm so proud of you. I'm so blessed to be your mother."

"I love you Mama." Lilly said as she reached for her mother's hand over the table.

"We support your decision Lilly. Just please, please-" Lilly's father closed his eyes for a second. "Please come home to us again." Lilly's father said.

"I will. I promise." Lilly said.

Levi glanced at himself in the reflection of his tea. Could Lilly truly make that promise? He wouldn't always be there to protect her. Just like the many others he had gotten close to. 

The ones he let in.

And that thought stung him as he clenched his teeth.


	18. And Left Too Fast

*Lilly POV*  
   
Lilly’s parents told her that she should go visit Bella while they made lunch, so here they were walking quietly to the cattle enclosure. 

Levi hadn’t really spoken since they had gotten up, and it kind of worried Lilly. Did he think she was a terrible person now? 

Now that he knew everything?

She bit her lip nervously.

“What do you think of my parents?” Lilly asked in efforts to break the silence.

“They’re good people.” Levi said as he continued to walk beside her.

Lilly nodded her head and looked down at her feet as they treaded the grass.

“I’m sorry I didn’t really tell you about why I joined the military or the circumstances....I suppose that might of been awkward for you sitting through that.” She sighed as she ran her fingers through her hair.

Levi was quiet before turning his face to her.

“It wasn’t really my business to know. If you didn’t want to tell me, I trust you had your reasons.” He said before looking forward again.

She reached out to him and put her hand on the back of his shoulder, feeling the fabric of his cloak under her hand. He stopped and turned to her, his eyes calm.

“It’s not that I didn’t want to....”

“Were you afraid of what I’d think?” He asked bluntly.

She felt his eyes searching her face, trying to read her before she could answer.

“Well, I just didn’t know if you considered me a friend to you.... I know you don’t tell me everything.” She paused and her eyes widened. “And you don’t have to! I just... didn’t know if it would be stupid to tell you something like that if you didn’t really even consider our friendship to be on that kind of level. So I just kept it professional, and let you know the minimum.”

He nodded his head.

“I see.”

He continued to keep walking towards the enclosure and Lilly caught up with him.

“Are you asking that I clarify where our friendship stands?” He asked.

“I don’t know. Is that stupid?” She asked nervously.

“I consider you a friend Lilly. If you wish to tell me things, you can. If you wish to keep things to yourself, you can. Either way, it’s your choice. I won’t hold it against you.” He said as he approached the wooden fence.

Lilly smiled to herself. So she was a friend.

That was a relief.

She was beginning to wonder if she really was nothing more than a subordinate that he just had to train closely with. That was the first time she had to ask anyone to clarify where she stood with them. But then again Levi wasn’t like most people. 

That’s what attracted her.

Deep down inside, she couldn’t deny that she liked him more than a friend. She couldn’t help but silently lust after him to herself. But she always pushed those stupid feelings back into the depths of her mind whenever they came about. She needed to remain professional and she needed those rumors to disappear.

She stared at the back of his neck, eyes traveling down to his muscular shoulders. He leaned over to stick his hand through the enclosure and she watched as he pet Bella who had grown so big. She sighed to herself and went and kneeled down beside Levi. She reached her hand out and let Bella sniff her, and sure enough the cow recognized her and pushed her head into Lilly’s hand eagerly. She giggled as she pet Bella.

“I missed you too. Look how big you’ve gotten!” Lilly grinned.

She looked at Levi who was watching her with a softened look in his eyes. Lilly quickly turned her attention back to Bella as she ran her fingers through the animals coarse hair while she thought. 

Why was he looking at her like that?

“She was just a baby when I left.” Lilly said as she grinned.

Levi continued to pet Bella with Lilly for a few more minutes. 

He was very quiet. Too quiet.

He looked like he was in deep thought.

His face almost looked concerned? Confused?

“Captain, are you okay?”

He seemed like he was still spaced out so she placed her hand over his. It was her first reaction to want to comfort him, but she instantly felt frightened when it felt more intimate than what was intended.

 

He looked up at her instantly, studying her face. They were frozen still together with her hand on his, searching each other’s faces. 

Perhaps that was too bold of her.

She silently cursed herself and frowned, but just as she was about to lift her hand, Levi started to speak.

“Lilly I-“

“Sorry to interrupt you two.“ Lilly’s father’s voice came from behind them.

Lilly instantly pulled her hand away and turned to her father.

“Oh hi Papa.” Lilly smiled despite the growing warmth in her cheeks.

Lilly’s father looked at the two of them suspiciously before leaning on the fence post beside them.

“Your mother wanted me to grab you two. The soup is just about finished.” Lilly’s father said as he reached down to pet Bella himself. He sighed and looked at Lilly.

“I never thought I’d see you again. You don’t know how happy your mother and I are to have you here. A weight has been lifted off our hearts....” He paused and then looked at Levi. “But replaced with another.” He frowned and looked down at the grass.

“Corporal, please. I ask that you use all your strength to protect my daughter. Watch over her. Please. She is precious to us.” He looked up with pleading eyes.

Lilly looked to Levi who’s face was blank, he looked down and inhaled.

“Papa, don’t put that pressure on him. He can’t be responsible for what happens to me out on the field. He has enough to worry about.” Lilly stood up.

“Lilly I want to believe you.” Her father said holding her against his chest.

Lilly breathed in her father’s scent as a button of his collared shirt pressed into the flesh of her warm cheek.

“Trust me. I can take take care of myself. I don’t need anyone to watch over me.” Lilly said confidently to ease her father’s aching heart.

He brought his hand up to her hair and stroked it.

“Okay Lilly. Okay.” He said.  
 

 

.................  
 

 

*Levi POV*  
   
   
Levi raised a spoon to his mouth to taste the soup that Lilly’s mother had kindly made them for lunch. It was a vegetable stew of some kind. Filled with various herbs and vegetables, obviously a household favorite as he watched Lilly and her father eat rather quickly. 

Lilly’s mother was looking at him and smiling.

“So, how long have you two been seeing each other?” Lilly’s mother asked warmly.

Lilly nearly spat out her soup and then covered her mouth with a napkin. 

He was going to let Lilly handle this one.

“Oh um, Mama.” Lilly laughed nervously.

“Well go on don’t be shy.” Lilly’s mother said.

He looked at Lilly and she put her napkin down quietly.

“Well we aren’t actually together like that.” Lilly said quietly.

Her face was flushed and she was trying not to look at him.

Lilly’s father’s eyes darted to Levi and he looked somewhat confused.

“You two were just holding hands....outside...” Her father said, eyes darting back to Lilly.

“It wasn’t like that, he was just... I was just-“

“Are you sure? The way you two were looking at each other-“

“Ah Sven just leave it. They don’t have to tell us their personal relationship stuff.” Lilly’s mother said winking at Levi.

He silently brought his spoon to his mouth as he felt the urge to actually laugh.

“Mama please.” Lilly covered her eyes.

It was rather amusing. Watching Lilly squirm like that with embarrassment. Levi looked down into his soup as his mind rewinded to when she had placed her hand over his. He knew she was trying to comfort him. It was innocent. She must have seen he was thinking then, it must have worn on his expression. He had just watched her greet her old cow friend and the way her face lit up just made his stomach flutter.

That’s what worried him.

The expedition was just a couple days away. Lilly could very well die. Just days from now. It was no time for him to start catching feelings for her.

He’d lost too many already.

And as if he wasn’t battling his feelings enough, her father had then asked him to protect her. He understood where her father was coming from of course. The man was a nervous wreck about his daughter, learning she was alive, but not dead yet.

“Well you two would make a handsome couple for what it’s worth.” Her mother added as she smiled behind her cup.

“Mama please. No men for me right now.” Lilly laughed.

Levi’s eyes darted over to Lilly at the response, his expression becoming less amused. 

Then did she really have an interest in him or not? Was he misreading her? Or was she just saying that as a cover up?

Why did he even care?

A few minutes of silence passed before Lilly’s father broke the silence.  
“  
So Corporal Levi, what made you join the Scout Regiment? We’ve heard so much about Humanity’s strongest, we never expected to have him here in our kitchen.” Lilly’s father changed the subject.

“I actually was recruited by Commander Erwin Smith years ago.” He answered as he sat straight in his seat.

He didn’t want to give them too much detail. He was after all a criminal who was initially forced to join.

“Where did you grow up? We’d love to know more about you.” Lilly’s mother asked as she leaned on her elbow. 

It was clear that they hadn’t actually bought that he and Lilly weren’t an item.

“I was born in the underground. Under Sina.” Levi said as he sipped his second cup of tea.

This tea was a simple green tea, but the familiar taste of jasmine was there.

Comforting in a way.

“The underground? Really? You’ve come far.” Lilly’s father said, respect in his tone.

“What was it like? If you don’t mind me asking...” Lilly suddenly asked as she turned to him with big eyes.

Levi looked down at his tea. He took in a deep breath. He wasn’t used to people asking him this many questions. But it was Lilly. It was only fair exchange for what he knew about her now.

“Life in the underground was... hard. It was dirty, it was cold and dark. A world without sunlight. Made many people’s legs go bad. Stop you from growing.” He said plainly.

Lilly frowned and her parents became silent. Levi took another sip of his tea.

“So how about you two? What made you decide to start an apothecary? You have some good tea blends here.” He said as he sat up in his seat.  
   
   
...............  
 

*Lilly POV*  
   
Lilly held her mother tightly as the moon began to rise overhead. Her mother wept quietly into her hair and rubbed her back.

“Please write to us Lilly. As much as you can. Visit us too.” 

Lilly’s mother whispered in her ear.

“I will Mama. I’m so happy I got to see you again.” Lilly said as a tear ran down her face.

“Here, take this bag for the Corporal. I put some teas and some different kinds of soaps in there for him. I also tucked a few of your dresses in there for you incase you ever get to get out.” Her mother said quietly as she handed Lilly a cloth bag.

Levi returned with both of their horses and stood beside Lilly. 

The moonlight lit his face handsomely.

Then Lilly’s father stepped outside and closed the shop door behind him. He took in a deep breath before holding Lilly one last time before they left.

“Please come home to me again my sweet daughter.” He kissed her face.

“I will Papa. I promise you, I will. I love you.” Lilly said into his shirt as her fingers clung to him tightly.

She stepped back and then Lilly’s mother hugged Levi.

“I put a bag together for you Corporal. Our treat.” She said before letting go.

“Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Holmes. It’s been a pleasure meeting you.” The Captain said politely.

“Thank you for bringing our daughter to see us. That’s worth more than any weight in gold to us.” Lilly’s father said as he shook Levi’s hand.

Lilly stood before her parents quietly, eyes stinging with hot tears though she held them back. She took in a deep breath.

“I love you both, I’ll write you.”

“We love you too Lilly.” Lilly’s mother said in a weak, trembling voice.

Her mother was trying not to sob, Lilly could tell. She knew her mother’s pre-sob voice. Lilly turned quickly on her heel so she wouldn’t have to see it.

“See you soon, Mama and Papa.” Lilly said as she lifted the cloth bag and led her horse away with Levi beside her.

 

..........

 

Lilly spotted April and Ben in the center of town which had grown quiet at nightfall. April had obviously been crying. 

Goodbyes were never easy.

Especially when they could be your last.  
   
“How are your parents?” Lilly asked April as she stood in front of her in the darkness.

“Very well. I’m glad I got to see them again.... It was just hard leaving.” April said with a weak smile.

Lilly hugged her friend and took a shuddering breath.

“I know.” Lilly sighed quietly.

“Ben got my parents’ blessing.” April said.

Lilly pulled away and looked at her with wide eyes.

“No way, congratulations! That’s great!” Lilly said with a wide grin.

She was filled with joy for her friend. She just hoped the day would come where she could see them marry. She quickly pushed away the thought before any kind of negativity could cross her mind. Thoughts were said to manifest into reality after all, right?

Conny approached in the distance slowly. He was looking down at his feet, his shoulders hunched over. He looked broken. Then they saw someone following him.

It was Clyde.

“Lilly!” Clyde shouted as he pushed past Conny in a hurry.  
He ran up to her and picked her up in his arms.

“Oh my God! Look at you!” Clyde exclaimed as he dropped her to her feet.

“How have you been Clyde?” Lilly asked with a laugh.

“Oh you know, the same old. Working the fields. Is it showing?” Clyde flexed an arm and grinned smugly.

His shoulders had gotten broad and muscular. Working in a field would do that to anyone though.

“Yes it is. How about me?” Lilly laughed and flexed her arm.

 

Lilly looked to Levi with a big smile on her face but he looked very unamused so she just looked away.

“Yup, not as skinny as you used to be. You look great.” Clyde said looking her up and down.

“Thanks. I’ve been training very hard. We are leaving on an expedition in just two days.” Lilly said.

“Wow. So you’re going out in Titan territory? I’ve heard you’ve killed a couple titans yourself.” Clyde said.

“Yes at Trost. Is uh...is Conny okay?” Lilly asked looking past Clyde.

“He just needs a minute. His mom’s legs have gotten worse.” Clyde said quietly.

“Oh no.” Lilly frowned.

She couldn’t imagine if she had come back home to find that one of her parents weren’t doing okay. Lilly looked back at the Captain who was adjusting his horse’s reigns.

“Clyde I want to introduce you to Corporal Levi.” Lilly said with a smile.

“Oh uh haha, Yes.” Clyde all of the sudden got nervous.

“Wasn’t this the brat from Trost three years ago? The one with the big mouth.” The captain glared at Clyde.

“Oh yeah! Damn you remember that?!” Ben was actually cackling.

April laughed besides Ben, their eyes were watering.

Clyde stood awkwardly and then looked back up at Lilly.

“And we are moving on now!” Lilly stood closely in front of Levi and laughed nervously. She knew what the Captain was capable of. 

First hand.

“Well Lilly.” Clyde took Lilly’s hand and lifted it to his lips. 

“I’m very impressed with you. Do you care if I write to you?” Clyde asked smoothly.

Lilly glanced over her shoulder to see the Captain glaring at the young man before her and she quickly turned her gaze back upon Clyde.

“Yeah, that should be fine! My parents are writing me too so it’d be nice to have friends from back home writing as well.” Lilly said as she slipped her hand away.

Conny approached and got up on his horse quietly.

“You guys ready to go?” He asked in a quiet voice.

They all looked up at him quietly.

“We need to get going. We have training all day tomorrow to prepare for the expedition.” Levi hopped on his horse and looked down at Lilly, “And tomorrow is your test Lilly. You need your rest for what I’ll be putting you through.” Levi said sternly as he turned his horse around and started to trot off.

Ben April and Conny followed him.

Lilly swallowed and climbed up on her horse.

“It was nice seeing you again Clyde. Say hello to your parents for me.” Lilly said before turning her horse around and dashing off to catch up with her friends.  
 

.............  
 

 

They approached the headquarters late that evening in the darkness. 

Only the moonlight guided them through the night. Lilly had pulled up her hood as she rode far behind everyone else. She took this time to try and be alone in her thoughts. 

She was happy her parents were alive and well. She was thankful for the chance to see them again. She felt a lot of guilt and stress leave her after having then learn she was alive, stress she’d carried around for a few years now. But after leaving the village, she felt reality come crashing down on her like a ton of bricks. 

She was frightened. 

The expedition was going to be completely unpredictable with Eren coming. He couldn’t control his titan abilities yet and who knows if she’d even be killed by him. Not to mention, she’d never been out in titan territory before.

Her eyes filled with hot tears and they dropped down her cheeks. Her hair hung around her face as she wiped the tears away. Her parents faces glowed warmly and sweetly in her mind, making her smile, and comforting her.

They rode up to the stables in the darkness. Everyone was already asleep. Lilly got off her horse next to April and looked at her from under her hood.

“Goodnight Lilly. I’ll see you back at barracks.” April said in a drowsy tone followed by a yawn.

Lilly nodded and watched as April kissed Ben goodnight before heading to bed. 

She was genuinely happy for her. 

Lilly smiled to herself as she stood next to her horse, letting the horses snout lightly. She then turned to lean her head against her horse’s neck. She closed her eyes as she rested against the animal in the darkness. Her heart was aching for home already.

“Hey. Lilly.” The Captain’s voice came from behind her.

She didn’t move a muscle or speak a word.

“Lilly.” Levi’s voice called as she heard his boots approaching her.

She tilted her head slightly to peer out at him from under her green hood.

“Go get some sleep.” He said.

“Just give me a minute.” Lilly said under her breath.

He stood there staring at her.

“I’m not asking you Cadet. I’m telling you. You need to rest for tomorrow.” He said in a serious tone as he stepped closer to her.

She turned to look him in his eyes and frowned. She lowered her hood and sighed.

“I’m sorry. I’m just having a hard time coming back to reality.” She said.

“I understand.” He said quietly.

Lilly turned to grab the bag her parents had given her for him. She held it in her hands and looked down at it for a minute before handing it to him.

“Here. My parents put some things in here for you.” Lilly smiled weakly.

He reached out into the moonlight and took the bag from her hands and nodded.

Lilly stepped forward and wrapped her arms around the Captain’s neck and hugged him loosely.

“Thank you for taking me to see them. It means a lot knowing I might not have the chance again.” Lilly said into his ear before letting go and heading back to her barracks in the darkness.


	19. Tangled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day before the 57th expedition. Lilly wars with herself. What is right? What is responsible?

The next day, Lilly bent over under a tree to pick a couple of Reishi mushrooms that had grown around it. She grabbed the rubbery little things in her delicate hands and tucked them away carefully in her cloth bag. The sounds of ODM gear whirring close by filled the air. 

Everyone was training hard to prepare for the expedition the next day. 

She shuddered at the thought. Then some bright yellow dandelions danced out of the side of her vision and she smiled to herself as she bent to pick those too.

She often used this time to stop and pick whatever caught her eye as long as she could put it to good use. Many of her fellow cadets suffered from migraines, nausea, muscle cramping, and stress. She had started making a few different things for her friends in order to ease these symptoms not uncommon to those who joined the military.

Lilly had worn her hair in a braid that day to keep it out of the way. The length was becoming impractical at this point, but she didn't trust anyone enough to cut it for her.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw wild daisies in a small clearing. She felt like she was constantly distracted by one thing after another. She bit her lip as she looked around to see if anyone was watching before she quietly snuck over to the small white flowers. She slowly lowered herself and gently picked the flowers, the stems softly snapping in her fingertips. She went to open the cloth bag on her hip, and saw there was no more room in her small bag. She didn't want to risk ruining the flowers, so she gently slid them into her braid and into her hair around her face. She sighed quietly to herself as she began to stand. A woodpecker sounded off in the distance, and the sun glistened through the leafy canopy overhead.

She took in a breath and then withdrew her blades and shot her anchors into a nearby tree, propelling herself back into the training course.

Time to get back to work.

Lilly had decided to try a different maneuvering technique that she had thought of on her own. But she wanted to do it far away from everyone else just incase it failed, so she traveled deeper into the dark woods.

She eyeballed a wooden titan dummy with no one in the vicinity and flew high above it. She then shot an anchor off into a nearby tree, flew into the tree and lifted off hard with her feet to propel herself fast down towards the Titan dummy without using any extra gas. 

That had been her whole thought behind it. 

But as soon as she kicked off the trunk of the tree with her boot, she suddenly collided hard with another body.

Her anchor lines retracted from the tension and came flying back at her, wrapping around her and the other person. She screamed as the wire dug into her skin as she hung in the air from a branch. It dug into her arms and her abdomen, the weight of their bodies only tightening the wire’s grip. Then she looked into the face of the person she had collided with. Just two inches away from her own face, were a pair of glaring gunmetal blue orbs.

Captain Levi.

What was he doing out here?

His arms were bound tightly by her anchor wire as they hung chest to chest.

"Still wet behind the ears, are we?" He muttered to her with his black hair dangling in both of their faces.

Lilly grimaced as the wires dug into her. She dropped her blades from her hands and they plummeted to the ground below them.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't see you. I was just so focused on what I was doing." Lilly said softly.

She was so embarrassed. 

This whole situation was embarrassing and she felt her face reddening before his. She felt him sigh against her chest and then his eyes searched around them.

"What are you doing way out here?" Lilly asked, trying to ignore the pain.

"Tch. I could ask you the same thing, Cadet." Levi glared into her face.

Lilly looked down sheepishly.

"I came to collect you for your test. I noticed you weren't in the immediate training vicinity, so I only assumed you were off picking flowers or some shit. Suppose I was right." He said looking at her flowered braid dangling between them.

Guess he was. She rolled her eyes at him.

"Is anyone around to cut us loose?" Lilly asked.

"Maybe if you didn't fly off so fucking far." He said.

She huffed and tried to blow her hair out of her face.

But then she started to feel her fingers going numb. That wasn't a good sign.

"Well?" Lilly asked impatiently.

"Quiet you brat. I'm trying to listen." Levi scowled at her.

But to Lilly's fear, there was no one immediately around to assist them. And Lilly's arms were starting to go numb as well. 

It made her panic and she struggled more.

"Captain- my arms..." Lilly whimpered.

His eyes glanced down to her hands that were slowly turning blue. 

His eyes widened.

"Shit. Hold on." He said in a low tone.

Lilly watched as he she felt him struggle with his arms, trying to wiggle them free. He twisted his wrist and slowly struggled to reach into his belt. He grunted as he struggled against her.

"I'm not feeling well.." Lilly mumbled as she then weakly rested her head in the curve of the Captain's neck.

She was beginning to get lightheaded from panicking and from losing circulation.

She felt like she was spinning.

"Lilly, stay awake. I'm reaching for my knife." Levi said into her hair.

She felt him fumbling with something cold against her hip. Her breathing was becoming shallow and she started to feel weak as the wire dug into her abdomen. Her vision was starting to go dark around the edges. 

She was going to faint.

"L-Levi, I can't." She whispered weakly against his neck.

She felt him starting to saw away at the wire around her abdomen. She continued to breath against his neck, focusing on the woody pine smell on his warm skin to keep her conscious. Her parted lips rested on his skin as her breaths became like small puffs of air.

She heard him grunt as he cut his own arm free.

She then slowly felt the sawing and tugging of the wire above them being cut loose.

"Brace yourself." He clung onto her with one arm as he made the final cut to the wire that suspended them.

Suddenly she felt herself falling. 

Her vision was dull and blurry as she plummeted. Levi tightened his grip around her body and buried his face into her shoulder. She then felt them spin in the air, and then they hit the ground.

 

...........

 

*Levi POV*

 

Levi grunted when he felt his back hit the ground. His body had absorbed the shock, and Lilly was still clinging tightly to his chest on top of him. 

He hissed through his teeth as the pain ripped through his body. Lilly was breathing heavily against his neck as she gained all of her consciousness back. 

He closed his eyes as his head pounded. 

Thankfully she didn't weigh that much, or else the fall would have been more damaging. Nothing felt broken, but he'd definitely be feeling this for a few days. A few minutes passed and he opened his tired eyes. The leaves in the trees above them moved in the wind, sunlight shined down on them. 

His breathing became less heavy as the adrenaline faded from him.

Lilly slowly rose her head out of his neck and looked down at him with big glistening eyes. Her mouth was open in shock. Her hair hung loosely over his face. A small daisy then fell from her hair and onto his cheek. He blinked when it landed, and lifted his hand to pick it up off his face. He held the small flower in his fingers for a moment and then looked up at Lilly.

"I'm so sorry Levi...I-"

Levi lifted his hand and covered her mouth with his palm.

"Quiet Lilly. Give me a minute before you go on trying to explain yourself like a hot mess." He said as he tried to sit up a bit.

She grabbed his hand and moved it from her mouth to her cheek and rested her face in it. He froze, watching her.

"You saved me. Thank you." She said softly.

He sat up and just looked at her with her soft face resting in his hand.

"You don't need to thank me. Just be more vigilant of your surroundings. Had this been out in Titan territory, it would-"

And then he felt her kiss his cheek before she stood. Her lips were soft and gentle as they pressed against his face. She pulled away before he had time to process that it had really happened. 

Another daisy fell down to his green cloak.

He just stared down at it, as the breeze lifted the petals up slightly. Surely she was just being nice? That was just her way of thanking him, right?

He then watched as she stood gazing up into the trees, spotting her ODM anchor hanging high up from where they had fallen.

She reached down and offered him her hand. 

He gently took it and stood up in front of her. They were quiet for a few seconds as they stood. Something in the air changed between them, and he knew they both felt it. 

But no one dare say anything.

"We should start heading out. It's around time to start hand-to-hand." Levi said to her.

He needed to test her combat skills now, there was no more time to be wasted.

She smiled at him and nodded.

And it filled his gut with fluttering warmth.

 

*Lilly POV*

Lilly rubbed her arms where the wires had dug into her flesh.   
Red grooves were imprinted in her pale skin when she removed her jacket at the clearing where her and Captain Levi trained. His eyes watched her fingers as they rubbed at her skin, which made her stop.

"Can you please not tell Commander Erwin about what happened back there?" She asked him.

He picked up his water canteen without looking at her and took a sip.

"I won't. It'd only make me look stupid." Levi said.

"Well whatever, just as long as he doesn't find out..." She said as she kicked her feet in the grass.

Levi glanced at her silently and then offered her the canteen. 

She looked up and took it from him.

"You are sharing with me now Captain?" She teased with a smirk.

"Take a sip before I change my mind, idiot." He said.

His words were harsh as usual, but something about his tone was more gentle. Lilly smiled as she brought the canteen to her lips and took the cool water into her mouth. She held it against her lips and thought for a moment.

What would have happened if Levi hadn't cut her down in time?   
Was it wrong for her to have kissed his cheek as a thank you? 

He didn't seem to mind...

"Hey, are you gonna give that back? If you're going to hold on to it for so long, why don't you rinse all that filth and dirt off your stupid face." Levi said as he nodded to the canteen.

Lilly looked down at the canteen and smiled mischievously. He raised a thin brow at her, his eyes full of curiosity.

"Or maybe I could rinse that stupid look of your stupid face." She smirked.

"What-"

She then squeezed the canteen up into his unsuspecting face. 

Water dripped from his frowning mouth and onto his clothes and Lilly couldn't help but laugh at the sight of his reaction. She laughed and she laughed.

"Lilly you shitface. That's not even funny-" He reached out to grab her but she jumped back, still laughing.

He then started to run after her, all while she was hysterically laughing at him. She was laughing so hard, her eyes were watering. She ran fast towards the trees at the edge of the clearing.

"You look like a sad puppy that's been left out in the rain!" She taunted as she ran through the grass, almost tripping as she giggled.

"Tch! Lilly stop running you little shit!" He snapped as he closed in behind her.

She suddenly felt him grab her by the collar and then pin her against a pine tree by her shoulders. She panted as she caught her breath, smiling wide at him the entire time. Water dripped from his raven hair onto his scowling face.

"What are you going to do? Give me more chores?" Lilly asked sarcastically as she rested her head against the rough bark of the tree.

"Are you egging me on right now, Cadet?" Levi growled as his hands gripped on her shoulders.

And then she was caught off guard.

By a water droplet that had traveled down his cheek.

Her eyes watched as it made it's way to the edge of his jaw. 

Without thinking, she reached her hand up and gently wiped the droplet away with her fingertips. His skin was warm against her fingers which lingered until she felt him ever so slightly lean his face into her touch. Her eyes darted back up to his and she quickly dropped her hand back down.

They shouldn't be doing this. It wasn't professional. She needed to return her focus on training.

She watched as he turned his head to the side and then felt him let go of her shoulders. He huffed and started to walk back to their training spot.

"C'mon Cadet. You've got a test you need to take." Levi said as he removed his jacket and continued to walk away from her.  
She stood there for a minute quietly by herself. 

She glanced down at her fingers that had just grazed his face.

 

..........

 

Lilly grunted as she dodged the Captain's full forced kick. She then saw him coming in with a blow aimed at her face so she used an outward block and then sent a kick to his open chest which sent him stumbling back a few steps. 

He then finally returned to a casual stance and took out a rag and wiped the glistening sweat off his forehead. 

Finally, she had finished her test. 

He spent an hour just attacking her non-stop. The amount of energy this man had was amazing to her. Lilly dropped down into the grass to catch her breath. She then laid back in the grass and closed her eyes and let the wind cool her skin which was on fire. Levi had gotten her a couple times pretty good. 

Once even in the face.

There was a point where she could tell he had stopped going easy on her.

"Get up off your lazy ass Lilly." The Captain commanded.

Lilly huffed as she slowly stood up again. 

She'd have a few good bruises on her. 

She felt her lip sting and she lifted her fingers up to touch it. She looked down and there was blood. He had decked her in the face pretty hard when she failed to block him.

Levi looked at her with a displeased look and pulled the cravat from around his neck.

"Don't touch it...gross." He said as he stepped forward and then gently pressed the fabric against her lower lip. 

She flinched at the initial sting of the pressure he applied, but then held still as she gazed up into his eyes.

And he looked down at her with a gentleness in his.

"So you punched me in the face for getting you wet Captain?" Lilly joked in a soft tone.

She watched as he rolled his eyes and smirked at her. A smirk. 

An actual smirk.

"Yes." He said sarcastically.

"Well it didn't hurt that bad, Humanity's strongest my Ass- ow!" 

He pressed harder on her lip before she could finish the sentence.

"Quiet, Cadet. I'm trying to stop your nasty bleeding." He said.

Lilly smiled at him.

"Thank you Captain."

"For what? Punching you in your stupid face?" He asked.

"No, for everything you've done for me. For this now." She said quietly and sighed against the scarf.

He removed the cravat from her lips and gazed down at them.

"Don't thank me." He breathed as he reached up and brushed his knuckle against her bottom lip.

Her stomach fluttered.

"Looks like the bleeding has stopped."

Lilly closed her eyes and reached her hand up to hold his finger against her lip. She didn't want his touch to leave her. It was selfish, she knew. 

It was a distraction, she knew.

But she didn't care.

She kept her eyes closed out of fear to see his expression. She just wanted to feel his touch a little bit longer.

Even if it was wrong.

She then heard a small sigh leave his lips. His finger became alive again and she felt as it continued to brush against her lower lip. She opened her eyes to look up at him once more. 

She felt a rosiness in her cheeks as the moment had just become more intimate between them. His gaze was no longer blank. And she could read the softness in his eyes.

Things were changing.

"Corporal Levi-"

Lilly and Levi whipped their heads around to see Petra standing behind them. Levi quickly had dropped his hand as soon as he heard her voice.

Petra's face was visibly upset, even a bit shocked. Her lips were parted and her face red.

She saw.

Shit.

"What is it?" Levi asked as he bent over to pick up his jacket out of the grass.

"Commander Erwin wanted to know how Lilly did on her combat testing..."

Lilly looked away to hide the embarrassment in her face. 

Petra had no doubt seen the Captain caressing her busted lip, and who knows who'd she tell. Lilly internally cursed herself for caving to her foolish desires. She knew it was wrong, yet she succumbed anyways.

"Let Erwin know that she passed. Failed to dodge a couple blows obviously, but overall did well." Levi said as he folded his jacket over his arm.

Lilly watched as he stood, looking Petra in the eyes. Petra shifted her weight awkwardly.

"I will certainly let the Commander know." Petra nodded before quickly turning her back to Lilly and Levi.

Levi didn't look at Lilly again after Petra was out of sight. 

She could feel him purposely avoiding eye contact with her, like she wasn't even there.

"Captain, I-"

"Start heading back to barracks, Cadet." He ordered without looking at her.

Cadet.

That's right.

Her heart sank in her chest and she frowned as she turned her back without another word.

Foolish girl.


	20. Taking Names, Breaking Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Night before expedition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, just thanking you again for all your kind and encouraging words. They really give me that motivation to keep writing. This is a quick chapter compared to my last few, but I’m working very hard on the next two currently. Hope you all are well, enjoy! 
> 
> -Liv

Lilly stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around her aching body. She frowned as she walked back to her gloomy bunk room and shut the door behind her.

Regret and frustration burned in her chest.

April was reading a book in her bunk, already showered. Lilly walked past her and dropped her towel as she picked up a clean white button up shirt. April dropped her book and leaned down over the bunk, staring at Lilly’s naked body.

“What happened to you?” April gawked at her.

“I had a bit of a ODM accident earlier.” Lilly said plainly as she put her shirt on.

“Okay, I see that. But what about your face? What happened to your lip?” April asked.

Lilly reached up and touched her swollen lip. He remembered how the Captain’s finger had caressed her there. How Petra saw. How he turned so cold and wouldn’t look at her afterwards.

Scared off like a wild animal.

She scowled.

“Lilly?” April asked.

“Nothing, the Captain tested me today and I missed a couple of his attacks is all.” Lilly said as she slid on her underwear.

“Well did you pass?” April asked.

“Yes. Are you hungry? Let’s go eat.” Lilly quickly changed the subject.

“Um alright, yeah.” April hopped down from her bed and landed on the floor.

Lilly knew that April could sense something was wrong. But she was in no mood to talk about something that she’d never let happen ever again anyways.  
 

 

Fear.

 

............  
 

 

Lilly stood in line to get her food with April. 

She didn’t feel like talking much. Not only was she feeling homesick from the day before, but she was stressed out about the expedition tomorrow, and what had happened between her and Levi earlier confused her. It sat in her stomach which put off her appetite.

When they sat at the table, Ben and April stared at Lilly quietly. Lilly barely ate, though she pushed herself to eat what she could.

She’d need her strength.

Her eyes carefully wandered across the room and landed on the Captain’s table. Levi was sipping his tea, but he wouldn’t look in her direction.

And normally he would.

Petra was sitting there pouting. Lilly’s eyes narrowed as she glanced at Petra. The woman was always staring at the Captain. Always in and out of his office. Always seated across from him.

Was she feeling jealous?

Nope. 

Not Lilly. 

Absolutely not.

Lilly looked back at her again, and Petra met her gaze.  
Wouldn’t be surprised if she had started that stupid rumor. But she couldn’t know that for sure. Lilly turned her head away and sighed.

None of that was important.

Even if she was confused with Levi at the moment, that was really not was she needed to be focusing on. Now that she passed her test, she wouldn’t need to be training with him anymore anyways.

In a way, it was relieving. 

No more distractions.

Even though she told herself that, she still flung her eyes to sneak a glance at the handsome Captain, whom each time she looked, was never looking at her.

She frowned and her stomach sank.

It was for the best.

Focusing on defending humanity and returning home again was top priority.

“Attention!” Commander Erwin walked in the room.

Commander Erwin stood tall and strong, his eyebrows furrowed. Lilly admired the man. He had this father-like quality to him, and he was very alert. He had a way of delivering hard news, but making it sound not quite as bad as it really was. He was optimistic, that’s why. He had to be, negativity wasn’t good for moral. Especially within the Survey Corps.

Everyone quieted down as he waited patiently for all eyes to be on him.

“Tomorrow as you know, is the 57th expedition into Wall Maria. As a reminder, the objective: to plot a route from Karanes District to Shiganshina District, building supply bases along the way. New recruits, we will be implementing the long distance enemy scouting formation that you’ve been training in. You will be assisting in communications and extra horse support. We will be leaving at dawn.” He announced.

Everyone was silent as they gazed up at him. 

The nerves were setting in more now for Lilly.

“We have done our best to prepare you to face the titans, but nothing can fully prepare you for the real thing. We ask that you remember to work as a team, and look out for each other. You will be assigned your precise location within the formation tomorrow morning. Rest easy tonight.” He saluted before leaving the room in silence.

Everyone looked at each other without a word.

“We got this guys. It will be a piece of cake.” Ben said as he lifted his sandwich.

“Yeah we’ve trained hard for this. As long as we stick to formation, what could go wrong?” April grinned.

Lilly smiled at them and nodded. 

They were right. They were ready. She was ready. They could do it.

 

All her hard work had led to this.  
 

 

.............  
 

 

*Levi POV*  
 

“I hope we can capture some more titans tomorrow! I’ve got a good feeling about this study I’ve been putting together. We might actually get some answers!” Hange said excitedly.

Levi glanced at her as she pushed her glasses back up on her nose. He looked down into his black tea. Lilly’s mother had packed him a jar of the blend, so he had it easily available to him now. He also received various other blends as well as assorted bars of soap. 

She even packed him a sore muscle salve.

He closed his eyes as he remembered pulling out a couple of Lilly’s dresses, and one lace night gown. He hadn’t realized they were in the bag until he pulled them out. They still smelled like her even after three years of not wearing them. He had imagined what she’d look like in the sleeping gown, but quickly pushed the lustful thought from his mind and gently folded it and put it back in the bag. He had forgotten to give it back to her earlier.

Earlier.

He took in a deep breath as he remembered their innocent little touches. How she had touched his face, how he had caressed that beautiful swollen lip.

He shouldn’t have.

But he didn’t care.  
He could handle the distraction. 

Hell, he wanted to. 

But he knew Lilly couldn’t.

Even a fucking squirrel in the trees distracted her.

He would only distract her more.

He wouldn’t be responsible for her slipping up in battle. He wouldn’t carry that grief upon his shoulders.

He’d seen too much shit.

He’d be damned if he saw the brilliant life leave her beautiful eyes because of him.And if he was honest with himself, he didn’t know if he could take it.

He stood up without a word, without looking at anyone. He’d been avoiding eye contact with Lilly, but Petra too.

If he knew Petra, he knew she’d bring it up eventually. She was a good kid. A great soldier. Very alert and always watching out for others. And she cleaned good and he appreciated her genuinely. He truly considered her a friend. 

But he knew she wanted to be more. That’s what put him off recently, and he knew she sensed it.

The way her hands would linger if she touched his arm. The way she stared. How often she visited his office for mundane things.

He walked away from the table and past Lilly’s table. He could feel Lilly’s eyes on him, practically begging for him to return his glance.  
   
But he couldn’t.  
 

...........  
 

 

Levi sat at his desk quietly as he reviewed the positions for the scouting formation for the next day. 

Erwin had asked that no one but the Special Operations Squad was aware of the their positions till the day of. Levi suspected Erwin may have had a hunch that there was a spy amongst them, as this was not typical protocol. 

Many of the formation plans that would be given out would not have the Special Operations Squad’s real location on them. 

This would be to protect Eren.

Levi quickly shifted through the formation map and found Lilly’s location.

Communications rear right 3/5.

She’d be close to him.

He’d be able to keep an eye on her then, for a short while until the formation became long term and they had to spread out. But His main priority was watching and controlling Eren if need be.

Hopefully the fucking brat would keep his shit together.

Then Levi noticed the name of the soldier who’d be riding next to Lilly.

Jean Kirstein.

“Tch.”

He pushed the paper away from him and leaned back in his seat.

Jean was a total ass hat. 

But he wasn’t poorly skilled. That silently eased Levi’s nerves.

Then he heard a knock on his door.

“Enter.” He said as he organized the papers in front of him.

“Hi Captain.” Petra closed the door behind her.

“Do you need something?” He asked her.

“Tea? Captain?” Petra asked as she walked over to the brick fireplace and lifted the kettle off the fire. The glow of the fire lit her silhouette in the dark end of the room.

He looked up at her quietly and bit his tongue.

She poured two cups and brought them back to his desk and sat across from him. She smoothly pushed the cup across the wooden table to him. He stared down at the dark liquid and looked back up at her. She brought the cup to her mouth and tasted it. She quickly pulled the cup away and looked down at it.

“This isn’t what you usually drink.” Petra wrinkled her nose.

“It’s a new blend.” He said simply.

Petra nodded and fiddled with her fingers on his desk. He watched as she picked at the corner of it. 

She was thinking.

“So are you ready for tomorrow?” She asked trying to smile at him.

“As ready as I can be.” He said.

“I bet, you’ve been training pretty hard the past month....” She said looking into his eyes.

His eyes darted up at her and she tucked her gingery hair behind her ear.

“Petra, why are you here?” He asked bluntly as he leaned back in his seat.

She huffed and turned her face away from him.

“I saw you and the new recruit. I saw the way you were touching her, the way you were looking at her.” She said quietly.

Levi lifted his cup to his mouth quietly to sip his tea, letting the flavor take him away from this awkward situation.

“I don’t understand.” Petra said quickly without looking at him.

He looked back at her and waited.

“She’s a rookie. And we’ve been working together for awhile now. You chose me.” She said with sadness in her voice.

“Petra, now is not the time-“

“Then when is, Levi?! You always avoid me.” She said with her voice cracking.

He watched as her eyes watered before him.

Shit.

“I’ve waited patiently for you. I’ve worked hard to be worthy of you. Here I am, an elite. Still not good enough for you.” She breathed deeply as a tear fell from her eye.

Shit.

“Why her?” She asked.

He was silent.

“Is it because she’s prettier than me? Everyone is always talking about how pretty she is. Or Is it because she picks fucking flowers like some dopey little fairy princess with her head always in the clouds?” She asked, jealousy burning hot in her voice.

Levi raised his brow at her and looked at her sternly.

“There is nothing going on between Lilly and I. Romantic relationships are nothing but a distraction.” He said.

“Oh bullshit Levi. I always see you looking at her. Then you left to ‘escort’ her to her village? Since when do you escort anyone?” She scoffed.

He sighed.

“Her parents make tea Petra-“

“Fuck your tea Levi!”

His eyes widened and they both stared at each other like neither of them could believe that she had just said that to him. 

A moment of silence passed before Levi spoke again.

“Petra, I don’t know what you think you saw. But there is nothing between me and Lilly. And nothing could ever become of you and I. You know that. This shouldn’t even be a conversation in the Survey Corps.” He said as he stood up.

“There is nothing wrong with you. You are a good soldier. That’s why I chose you. You matter to me and you are my friend, that is true. So go get some rest for tomorrow.”

Petra nodded weakly and stood up to stand before him. He could tell she wasn’t buying it. She saw right through his shit.

“You’re breaking my heart.” She said, looking him dead in the eyes.

A tear ran from her eye and his heart sank.

“Petra-“

She quickly turned around and left his office, shutting the door behind her.

He turned to look at the two cups left on his desk, and then back to the crackling fire.

He knew she didn’t believe him. He knew it was wrong to deny what happened. But he couldn’t admit to what she saw him do.

It’d make a big mess.

He felt sorry for Petra. 

He didn’t realize she had cared for him that much, and it was hard to see her hurt over him. But even so, it couldn’t be.  
   
His heart was not there with her.  
   
It was out in a field somewhere picking fucking flowers.


	21. Sing With Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 57th Expedition

That night Lilly stared at the glass jar sitting on her wooden windowsill. 

It’s s contents: 100% grain alcohol, valerian, and chamomile. Her 'knock-your-stubborn-ass-out' tincture that she was brewing for the Captain. It had been 6 weeks since she started this jar. She had started it before she enlisted in the scouts, and now it was finally ready. Every day she would shake the jar to make sure the contents were mixing well and to increase it's potency.

Her parents had taught her this method using the sun's heat, and each day her love and thoughtfulness went into it too.  
It was her intent to give it to the Captain tomorrow before they left on the expedition. But now she wasn't sure if he even wanted to talk to her. 

Was he going to ignore her now? Was it because Petra saw?

She looked past the jar on the windowsill and up at the moon that glowed along with the millions of stars in the night sky. It was a crescent moon that night.

It was funny to her how something could appear so close but in reality, be so far away.

Or someone.

She sighed to herself as she sat up in bed. The off white sheets were cool and smooth under her bare legs as she adjusted them, trying to get more comfortable. Sleep was escaping her. She couldn't afford it. Just then she heard April snore in her sleep and twist in the bunk above her head.

She really couldn't afford it.

She got up quietly and walked over to the windowsill. She lifted the jar to the moonlight and breathed in. She then bent over to get her funnel and cheesecloth out of her cloth bag, along with a glass dropper bottle. She then sat on the floor with her bare legs crossed and put the neck of the funnel in the dropper bottle. She then lined the funnel with the cheesecloth and slowly poured the contents of the jar into the funnel.

The room was silent except for the quiet dripping of her tincture liquid and the soft snoring of her dear friend.

She then lifted the cheesecloth and squeezed the remaining liquid out of the rag and discarded it in the rubbish bin. She put the dropper cap on her bottle and gave it a good shake before taking the dropper back out and squeezing 4 drops into her mouth. The typical dosage was only 3 drops, but she really needed to sleep now.

To get her rest.

To stop thinking about him.

She climbed back into bed while holding her tincture. She rubbed her thumb against the smooth glass bottle. She thought of Levi, the way she remembered him in the moonlight when he fell asleep in the chair in the weight room that one night. How exhausted he looked. He always looked so tired. In that sense, she pitied him.

But he was always handsome to her anyways, sleepy eyes and all.

She closed her eyes gently.

She'd give it to him. Even if he ended up truly pushing her away.

It didn't matter.

Because she cared for him, regardless of what was or wasn't between them. After all, Humanity's strongest needed his rest.  
Slowly, Lilly drifted into dark and dreamless sleep.

 

...........

 

"Lilly, wake up. It's time to go!" April shook Lilly out of her sleep by her shoulders.

"Huh? Wha-" Lilly looked up at April's big brown eyes. "Oh. Right.

Expedition day. How could I forget." Lilly mumbled as she climbed out of bed, holding onto her tincture.

In a hurry, she threw on her clean uniform and ran out to the supply room with April to go put on their ODM gear. After leaving the supply room, they quickly ran to the and nervous chatter filled the morning air. Lilly wasn't surprised to find that it was very crowded there with all of the scouts hurrying to get their horses ready. Lilly saddled her white horse whom she ended up naming Hvid, and mounted him. She then rode with April to meet with the rest of the scouts at the headquarters gates.

Commander Erwin was already giving formation location maps out when she waited in the crowd of riders.

Ben road up next to April.

"Good morning ladies, rest well?" Ben asked in a rather cheerful tone.

"I slept good, and Lilly slept like a rock. I had to wake her up!" April laughed.

"Well I'm glad to hear that you're well rested. I hope I'm positioned close to you." Ben said sweetly to April as he rode closer to her.

Just then, Commander Erwin rode up to them and silently handed them their maps with their formation responsibilities and location written on them.

Lilly looked down at her paper.

Communications rear right 3/5

She'd be shooting off flare signals.

"What'd you guys get?" Ben asked quietly.

"Horse support rear left 1/3. Guess I'll be handling back up horses incase anyone loses theirs." April said.

"That's not a bad job...though I worry with you being in rear. 

I'm communications front left 2/5" Ben said rubbing the back of his neck.

"We all are separated." Lilly said quietly as she looked down at the paper in her hands.

They were quiet as they waited on their horses and then a cool breeze blew between them all. Lilly lifted her hood to block the wind, and then saw Captain Levi and his Special Operations 

Squad approaching with Eren Jaeger.

Eren looked particularly nervous, as he should be. He was surrounded by the very squad who'd kill him if he couldn't control himself. She'd be afraid if Captain Levi was watching her that closely in a circumstance like that.

"No worries. We will all be fine. I heard we are just leaving and coming back after we plot the route!" April said optimistically, but still Lilly sensed the nervous undertone in her voice.

"Scouts! Onward!" Erwin shouted across all of the cloaked riders.

Slowly the scouts started making their way out of headquarters and started riding on the dirt road headed for Karanes District. Lilly looked off into the green grassy fields they passed that were speckled with red clovers and dandelions. The smell of sweet hay filled the air and a cool breeze lifted the loose hair around her face. She listened as Ben and April talked to each other, whispering sweet encouraging words as they rode alongside each other.

It must of been scary for the two of them. This whole situation. But at least they were in it together. Conny was riding with Sasha and Lilly suspected that they might be an item at this point. Or maybe not, guys and girls could be friends without anything serious to it right? Of course. Maybe she and Levi could still be friends?

It didn't matter anyways.

She was just trying to keep her mind busy.

Then her horse went over a bump and she felt the glass tincture bottle bounce inside her pocket against her hip.

It reminded her once more.

Her eyes then searched the many riders around her, looking for him.

For Levi.

She glanced behind her and saw he was a few horses back. Her eyes met his and she quickly whipped her head back around. Her heart raced in her chest as she wondered what he was thinking.

Hell, she wished he'd just talk to her. Clear the air and let her know what was up. She gripped her hands tighter around the leather reigns and frowned.

She'd just give it to him later, and if he wanted to talk, they'd talk. If not, that will be enough to let her know where he stands.

Why was she constantly going back and forth in her mind about him?

It was exhausting.

The clouds were limited in the bright blue sky as the sun rose more. It truly was a beautiful day. Soon the buzzing of cicada songs rang in the air and Lilly whipped her head towards the direction of the trees. She took her time to appreciate the green fullness of the trees as she remembered fall was approaching. Fall was always her favorite. She wondered if she'd live to see the leaves turn color, or even live to turn another year older in November.

She thought in this exhausting up-and-down cycle for two more hours before the finally reached Karanes.

Once inside the gate, everyone started to nervously chatter amongst themselves. They trotted through the city, with many civilians standing alongside the cobblestone road observing. Horses hooves clicked against the streets, and fresh baked breads filled the warm sunny air. Children watched from the windows in awe and waved. Some tossed flowers down at the soldiers.

Lilly waved and smiled back to one blonde little girl in a green dress standing beside her mother who looked about Lilly's age.

"Mommy! Did you see that?! That girl soldier waved back to me! I want to be a soldier like her some day!" The little girl exclaimed while tugging on her mother's dress.

Lilly smiled to herself. How sweet that was. She needed that honestly.

They eventually reached the outer gates where they got into their temporary scouting formation, and Lilly found herself placed next to Jean. A wave of relief flowed through her and she sighed.

Although she still hadn't spoken with him about that night.  
She supposed now would be a good time since there was no telling what would happen once they were outside those gates.

"Hi Jean." Lilly said sheepishly.

Jean continued to look forward with a scowl.

"Hi Lilly." He replied in a low tone.

"I just wanted to apologize for that night." Lilly said quietly.

He didn't answer and she swallowed.

"There's no telling what could happen out there...to me...to you." Lilly frowned and paused as she looked down. "I never wanted to hurt you. You've been a great friend to me, always. I guess this has just been a confusing time for me...finding myself." Lilly continued.

He looked at her in a less annoyed fashion and sighed. His body relaxed on his horse.

"I shouldn't have acted the way I did. I'm the one who should apologize." He said.

"We were both kinda jerks I guess." Lilly said with a weak smile.

"Yeah." He smiled back.

"Friends?" Lilly asked as she stuck out her hand.

"Friends." Jean shook it with a grin.

"I got your back if you got mine."

"You know it." He smiled and turned his face forward as a voice called out way ahead of them.

"This is it! The day has come for humanity to take another step forward! Let's show those titans exactly what we're made of!" Lilly and the soldiers raised their blades and cheered proudly. 

The crowd cheered and whistled around them.

"Open the gate!"

Just then they could hear the cranking of the metal chains as the gate lifted, almost shaking the ground under them. The gate was massive and obviously heavy. It had to be to do its job.

"FORWARD!" Commander Erwin shouted.

The sounds of the horses neighing and trotting echoed ahead of them as the formation slowly moved forward. Soon Lilly's horse was running across the brick road headed towards the gate next to Jean.

"It's officially begun! The 57th Recon Mission! Move out!" Erwin shouted.

Lilly gripped her reigns hard as she rode through the gate and out into Titan territory within Wall Maria. Her jaw dropped as they rode out and into the old remains of a quaint little town. 

Some of the old cottage style buildings were still intact, but ivy and vines started growing up them. Some buildings had obviously been destroyed and some were even only halfway torn in half so Lilly could see the old furniture sitting within the levels of the houses like a dollhouse. She frowned at the thought of the people who had once lived here. She wondered if they had escaped or were eaten.

She continued to ride over old bricks and rubble, old wooden beams and even an old teddy bear. Lilly glanced to her right and saw an old windmill that had a giant hole in the center, bricks scattered around it's base.

It was a ghost town, and it gave her the chills.  
Lilly then whipped her head to the side when she heard giant footsteps approaching.

"We have a 10 meter approaching on the left!" Hange shouted from the front.

Lilly watched as two veteran support soldiers whirred off to battle the Titan. One launched his anchor into the neck of the titan and tried to go for the kill but the cut was too shallow.  
She swallowed as she was grateful she had been training her strength so she herself would hopefully not run into that problem.

She'd see if it'd pay off.

"Forward!" Erwin shouted again.

Then as the riders ahead of her moved, she spotted Oluo, Petra, Levi, Gunther, Eld and Eren.

Her eyes were glued to the back of Levi's head, watching as his black hair lifted in the wind.

"Long range formation, let's go!" Erwin shouted.

Soon, all the soldiers had spread out into their formations. Lilly continued to ride with Jean, and then readied their flare guns in their hands as they looked at each other. The formation was huge and widely spread out, Lilly couldn't tell who was who or who was where anymore.

Levi was no longer in sight.

This formation spread over a large amount of land. Far larger than Lilly had expected, but this was exactly what the flares were for.

They continued to ride for awhile longer, then they started seeing red flares being shot off in the distance. Lilly took in a deep breath and continued to survey the area with alert eyes. She shot her flare to relay the message to center rear.  
But not too much longer, black flares were being shot into the air.

An abnormal already? Shit.

Lilly looked at Jean and they both shot their flares to relay the message.

Lilly felt anxiety rise up in her chest but she quickly swallowed it and rode faster.

In situations like this, it was only natural to feel afraid. It was going against that natural reaction and being able to calmly assess the situation that took real strength. And Lilly was finally starting to master this.

They rode for about half an hour longer and then another black flare was shot ahead of them.

"Another one? What the hell?" Jean gritted his teeth.

They shot their flares off and continued to ride. But suddenly as they rode past some trees, a 10 meter jumped out at them. It wore a nasty wide grin with huge bulging eyes as it quickly reached out for them.

"Fuck!" Jean yelled in shock as his horse reared up.

Lilly quickly shot her anchor out into the titans shoulder and launched off her horse. As she was pulled in by the anchor, she sliced the titan’s fingers off in quick succession before it could grab Jean.

She then grunted as she used her fuel to propel her up above the titan and shot another anchor into its fleshy neck.

"Hold still." Lilly spoke out as she wound up and spun down, double slicing the nape of the Titan. 

Hot blood sprayed over her face and her hair as she rode the Titan down to the ground. She put her blades back in her blade box and whistled for her horse.

"Thanks Lilly...that was pretty quick thinking." Jean said as he stared up at her.

She stood there with the titans blood evaporating off her face before jumping off its steaming body and back onto her horse.

"Let's move forward." Lilly said quietly.

The two continued to ride in silence through a field and soon they were spotting multiple yellow flares in the sky to their right.

What was going on?

"Shit that was right next to us! The right wing spotters are too overwhelmed to continue to fight. That's what that signal means. Whatever it is, this is serious. Let's ride to the right to see if we can help anyone!" Jean shouted.

They rode slightly out of formation and into a small group of trees. What they saw was nothing less than a bloody graveyard. Fallen soldiers, and what remained of fallen soldiers were scattered everywhere. Bloodied blades were sticking out of the ground, a green cape blew in the wind. The silence was deafening.

They stood there in silence with their mouths hung open.

"Whatever did this, did it quick and moved on." Lilly said quietly.

"Let's move. Let's ride forward and see if we can find anyone." Jean said in a brave voice.

Lilly nodded her head as they turned and rode off. Something was wrong. What would happen if the whole right wing was gone? That left the center ranks wide open. Was the left wing doing okay? That's where April and Ben were. Worry took over her as her horse carried her.

She needed to stay strong and focused. She needed to have faith that they were okay.

They rode as fast as they could and still couldn't find anyone. It was quiet. Too quiet.

Soon enough they spotted two riders ahead of them.

Reiner and Armin.

"There's Armin and Reiner! Let's catch up to them!" Lilly shouted.

"Armin! Reiner!" Jean yelled.

The two ahead turned around and slowed down so they could catch up. Armin looked like he had seen a ghost.

"The right wing spotters have been wiped out completely. There must have been a horde that they couldn't have seen coming." Jean said.

Lilly looked ahead of them and saw a 15 meter abnormal titan running ahead of them.

Was that a female titan?

"That was the same direction she came from. Could it have been her? Did she bring a horde? Like a commander?" Armin asked, he almost seemed to be talking to himself.

"Her?" Jean looked ahead at the female titan. "Why the hell is she running from us by the way? Is she an abnormal?" He asked.

Lilly watched as Armin looked up at the titan and frowned.

"No, I don't know how it's possible, but there's a human in that titan. Someone who has the same power as Eren." Armin said.

Jean looked to Armin with wide eyes as they continued to ride onward.

"Please tell me you aren't serious." Jean said.

"Why do you think that Armin?" Lilly asked.

"Titans may eat us but they aren't murderers. Sure they kill us in the process but it's not their intent. They just feed on instinct like any creature." Armin said as they continued to ride after the Titan.

"Okay so what's your point?" Jean asked impatiently.

"This one was different. When the others went for her nape, she struck them down in cold blood. Swatted them down like flies. She didn't eat them, she killed them and moved on. That's out of character, even for an abnormal. The titans that took out the right wing, I think she brought them here. Just like the colossal and the armored titans when they struck. I just know it!" Armin said.

Lilly watched as Reiner seemed to be studying Armin's face. It was rather hard to digest. Lilly had to hand it to Armin, he was a pretty smart kid.

"She's got bloodlust, but I think she may be after someone in particular. But the question only becomes who and why?" Armin added.

They rode quietly for a few more minutes. Lilly looked up at the female titan. She didn't realize that titans could have a female form. Whoever this Titan was, she was very athletic. She could run.

"Wait, could it be Eren?" Armin asked.

"Eren? He's with Levi's squad." Jean said.

Lilly looked up quickly.

"They're spear-heading the right wing, or they were." Reiner said.

Lilly felt her heart sink. Oh no.

"Wait Levi's team? I'm pretty sure you're wrong there big guy. My copy of the plan had them in the left wing." Jean said.

Lilly looked at Jean with a confused expression.

"That's odd, my copy had them at the front of the right wing too. Now that I think about that, it doesn't make sense. Putting them in the vanguard like that wouldn't be smart strategically." Armin said.

"Then where is he?" Lilly's asked as her heart sank.

"Where else? The safest spot in the formation. I assume at least... rear of center rank." Armin said.

"Armin. Now is not the time to be chasing our own tails about this. We have to go warn everyone how dangerous this titan is. Smoke signals aren't going to cut it. At this rate she will tear down the command squad and if that happens, the formation goes to hell and we all die." Jean said.

"You're right. We have to go warn them. Do you have a plan?" Lilly asked as she sucked in a breath.

"Kind of. And a prayer. I say we try and distract her so they have a chance to retreat. If we are careful, from this distance we may be able to manage it and make it out alive. Well...maybe." He looked down and then looked to Lilly and gave her a weak smile.

"We could buy them time that way..." Lilly said quietly.

"She's smarter than the ones we usually deal with, you can take my word for it. From her perspective, we are no more than tiny insects. One swipe of that arm and we are dead." Armin said.

Jean glanced back up at the titan they were following and frowned.

"Is that right? What a terrifying thought." Jean laughed nervously.

"Seriously. What have you done with the real Jean? No offense, but the Jean I knew only looked out for himself." Reiner said.

"Your people skills need work. Believe me friends, I'm still all about number one. And number two." Jean paused and looked at Lilly with a small smile. "But I don't want to end up a pile of bones that no one knows where to find. I get it now. I get what needs to be done if we're gonna survive this fight. Last time I checked, no one forced us to take this position. Now are you with me or not?" Jean asked.

"I'm proud of you Jean. Let's do this." Lilly smiled warmly and gave him a salute over her heart.

Lilly then looked over at Reiner and Armin who were obviously thinking hard about what they were going to do. Armin lifted his hood over his head and looked at Lilly and Jean as they continued to ride.

"Pull your hoods all the way over so it covers you. She won't try to kill you if she can't see who you are. If she's looking for someone specific, she won't mow us down unless she's sure we're them." Armin said in a serious tone, his blue eyes flashing in the sunlight.

"Good idea. As far as she knows, anyone of us could be Eren underneath this cloak." Reiner grinned.

"Not gonna lie, the way you always used to cling to Eren like a security blanket used to creep me out, but I always knew you were brilliant." Jean grinned.

Lilly laughed as she brought up her hood along with Jean and Reiner.

"Not exactly sure how I'm supposed to take that...but thanks...I guess." Armin said as he looked forward again.

Lilly looked forward at the female titan and narrowed her eyes to focus.

Here goes nothing.


	22. I Never Understood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 57th Expedition continued

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are honestly the sweetest. Just saying.

Lilly rode up quickly behind the female titan with Reiner riding close behind her. 

Armin and Jean were off to the sides exchanging unsure glances. Her heart was beating a thousand beats per minute as she was practically on the female titan's heels. Dirt and grass was being kicked up in her face as the female titan ran.

Suddenly, Jean shot an anchor into the titan's heel but she quickly kicked it away and sent his anchor retracting back at him. She then stopped with a thud which sent Lilly's horse rearing up in fear.

Lilly closed her eyes and grunted as she held onto Hvid's reigns for dear life. The titan then crouched down and slapped Armin's horse into the air with ease, sending Armin tumbling many meters back. 

The female titan slowly walked over to where Armin lay and crouched over him, staring down at him. Lilly then watched as Armin's horse landed just past Reiner as he turned back for Armin. Lilly calmed her horse enough to be able to mount him again before turning back as well.

She had to help Armin.

"Armin!" Jean yelled as he sent an anchor flying into the female titan's shoulder blade.

He started to narrow in but the titan swung her fist at him, but he skillfully dodged it.

"Jean!" Lilly screamed as she rode towards them.

She watched as Jean tumbled underneath the titan's fist and back up into the air over her nape, which she quickly covered with her hand.

She knew her weak spot.

And Jean was in perfect range for her to knock him out of the air. Lilly jumped off her horse and just as she was about to send an anchor out to help Jean, Armin sat up.

"Jean! Don't let that suicidal maniac die in vain!" Armin shouted.

Just then, the female titan stopped winding up her fist and paused as if she had interest in what Armin was saying.

"Huh?" Lilly let out as her slender fingers rested on the metal triggers of her blades.

What was Armin talking about?

"She did it! She's the one who killed him! I told him not to go to the right wing but he went ahead anyways and now he's dead thanks to her!" Armin screamed.

Jean retracted his anchor and landed safely on the ground behind a tree. Lilly ran to him and grabbed his arm.

"What is Armin screaming about?" Lilly asked trying to catch her breath.

He wasn't making any sense.

"I don't know. Ugh, for all of the times for Armin to get the sense knocked out of him. How convenient." Jean muttered as they stood together watching the scene unfold.

Lilly and Jean turned their heads as they watched Reiner bravely race across the grassy field towards the female titan on his horse.

"She crushed my best friend! I saw it with my own eyes! His end trials were written on the bottom of her foot!" Armin yelled.

Just then Reiner launched an anchor into the female titan's nape.

"He's going straight for the nape?!" Jean asked with a shocked expression.

"She's distracted! Armin is pretending to talk about Eren!" Lilly exclaimed.

It was really quite genius and definitely was buying time.

But as Reiner whirred by the female titan's face, she turned her head and looked at him. She quickly reached out and grabbed him in her giant hand.

"No..." Lilly said in disbelief.

And right before their eyes, the female titan squeezed Reiner, sending blood shooting out in between her fingers.

"Reiner..." Jean's voice shook.

But then suddenly Reiner sliced open the titan's hand with his blades and jumped free. Steam rose off him.

"How?" Lilly asked.

"Who cares, the big guy is alive!" Jean said optimistically.

Reiner swung down quickly where the female titan was kneeled down in the grass and scooped up Armin and ran back towards Lilly and Jean. Lilly took one last glance at the titan who was looking down at her steaming hand as the sun burned the sky red behind her.

They quickly started running back on track as their horses were spooked off and ran away.

How was Reiner even walking? Lilly shook her head and then focused on continuing to run away.

"I'd say that bought the squad more than enough time. I say we follow suite and get out of here. If she doesn't have an appetite for people like you say, then I'm guessing she's not going to follow us." Reiner yelled as he ran carrying Armin.

Lilly ran as fast as she could, too afraid to look back behind her. She felt the glass tincture bouncing against her body inside her cape pocket and pushed her body to keep running.

Reiner looked back and huffed.

"Alright, looks like she's in retreat. She's running home with her tail in between her legs!" Reiner laughed.

Lilly looked back in disbelief, but it was true. The female titan had started running in a different direction.

"She's running towards Eren's exact location..." Armin mumbled.

Lilly's chest felt heavy and her lungs felt like they were going to burst. But she kept running anyways.

Even though she knew Levi's squad and Eren were in great danger.

 

...........

 

Lilly stood in an unknown wooded area with Jean, Reiner, and Armin. Armin was hurt pretty bad, so Reiner was trying to bandage him up. Lilly and Jean were trying to whistle for their horses. Thankfully, Hvid came back. But he had been the only one to return so far. They had been calling for awhile without anymore luck.

They were starting to get discouraged.

"Still down a horse." Lilly huffed in frustration. "We need at least one more to come back so we can get out of here." Lilly continued.

"Yeah and of course your's came running back like an old lover." Jean crossed his arms.

"Well what can I say, Hvid and I have a special connection. Don't we my handsome boy?" Lilly cooed as she pet the horse's snout.

"Which horse are you calling handsome over there Lilly?" Reiner asked with a smirk.

"Alright, the jokes are getting old. Real old. I'm gonna get Eren for this when I see the little psycho." Jean gritted his teeth.

Lilly quietly giggled as she turned to the edge of the trees and continued whistling for one of the horses to come back. Any of them. She looked out into the empty hills around them and frowned.

"Listen, we may have to leave two behind if we don't get another horse soon." Reiner said as he stood up.

"Can't we try and set off an emergency flare? There should be at least two more squads in close proximity to us if everyone kept moving straight." Lilly said and turned around quickly to meet eyes with Reiner.

She was not trying to get left behind, or have to leave anyone behind.

"Give it a try, but we can't wait much longer." Reiner said.

Just then, Jean loaded his flare gun and shot it off. Purple smoke bursted up into the sky.

"Well there's the emergency signal but who knows. Who's going to see it and think, 'hey someone must need an extra horse.'" Jean said doubtfully as he walked away.

Lilly knew Jean was right even though she was trying to be optimistic. Purple flares were used for dire titan situations. It wouldn't be entirely likely that someone would see the purple smoke and come at all at this point. But she wasn't going to go along with Reiner's plan unless they tried everything they could first.

"Listen, we only wait three minutes. If no one shows, we decide who stays." Reiner said.

Lilly glanced at him from the side of her eyes. Who made him the boss anyways?

"I will be one to stay, but if I'm going to be left here in the open, I need you to relay a message." Armin said.

Lilly looked at him quietly. He looked worn out, and definitely beat up.

"If possible, only give it to Commander Erwin-"

"Hold up Armin, looks like you can tell him yourself. Someone answered our signal. And they've brought two horses!" Jean said excitedly.

Lilly ran to stand next to Jean by a berry bush.

"Thank goodness." Lilly breathed.

"It's Christa!" Jean shouted.

Reiner walked up besides Lilly and smiled.

"Good timing."

"Hey, are you guys alright?!" Christa shouted as she approached on her horse.

................

 

"Don't you run off me like that again!" Jean laughed as he pet his horse.

"He came running at me like he saw the devil." Christa said in a soft voice. She then looked over to Armin. "Oh no! Armin you've been hurt!" She said.

Armin touched the bandage on his head and winced.

"It's nothing, I promise." He assured her.

Lilly was grateful Christa had showed up. She always like the young woman.

Well, everyone did. It was impossible not to like her. She was an angel. Lilly just didn't understand why she hung out with Ymir. But then again, people didn't see why Lilly often sat and had tea with Captain Levi.

Opposites attract?

Lilly started looking around and saw the area was still clear of any titans. At least for then. They needed to start moving.

"I'm impressed someone answered our distress signal. Not many people would have risked the travel over here." Reiner smiled at Christa.

"Well I was nearby and I found the horse." Christa smiled back as she twirled her ponytail in her fingers.

"It was noble. We are all in your debt." Reiner said.

"It was nothing. I'm just glad you're all okay. What would we do without you? And you Lilly, you're almost top ranking now with Mikasa, so we really need you too. I'm glad I could help you all." Christa smiled warmly.

"Thanks Christa, we really appreciate it." Lilly smiled at her. "So who's riding with who? Armin do you want to ride with me?" Lilly offered Armin since he probably wasn't okay to ride alone, and Hvid did ride pretty smoothly.

"Yeah, Thanks." He said as he climbed up on the back of Lilly's horse. "Let's rejoin the formation." Armin said once he was comfortably seated.

"Right, they will be calling a retreat any minute now." Jean said as he turned his horse to face the correct direction.

"Okay, well off we go!" Reiner said as he dashed off.

The rest followed.

The group had started riding off to get back on track and were quiet for awhile as they passed more trees and hills. Still no sign of anyone. Lilly tried to push the fear of a possible titan lunging out at them out of her mind. 

Instead her mind wondered to April and Ben.

She wondered if they were okay. And then she started silently praying that they were okay. Then her mind traveled to Captain Levi. Worry filled her gut as the unknown plagued her mind. She shook the thought and kept riding on with her pendant her mother gave her bouncing against her chest.

She'd make it out of this alive.

She promised.

Then the sounds of flares being shot off took Lilly away from her thoughts. Green smoke hung in the air to their upper left.

"Green flares? So we aren't going back, just changing direction." Jean said in annoyed tone.

"That doesn't make sense!" Christa said in shock.

"Is Commander Erwin out of his mind?" Jean scoffed.

"Everyone of us has the authority to declare the mission failed. 

Why isn't anyone speaking up?" Reiner asked.

"Is the Command Squad too far ahead to see their signals?" Lilly asked.

"Possibly, but either way I think our course is clear." Armin said from behind Lilly.

Lilly reached down and loaded her flare gun, and shot off a green flare. Green smoke towered over them.

 

Hopefully things would work themselves out.

 

................... .

 

*Levi POV*

 

Flares sounded off in the distance over the trees.

"Green. Oluo, pass it on!" Levi ordered.

"Sir!" Oluo said as he shot off a green flare.

Eren rode closely behind him and stayed pretty quiet for the most part. Then another rider came and rode next to Levi.

"A message Sir! The right wing spotters have been all wiped out! The early warning network has been compromised! One of you will need to relay the message further down the line!" The messenger shouted over the sound of trotting hooves.

Levi tensed on his horse. The whole right wing? What the hell happened? That was too great of a loss.

Too many new soldiers.

Lilly.

She was right wing...

A heavy ache tore across his chest and he clenched his teeth.

"You heard the man Petra. Go let them know!" Levi ordered in a frustrated voice.

"Sir." Petra nodded and quickly rode off.

Levi kept riding and leading his team forward. His knuckles turned white on the reigns as his grip grew tighter.

Was she dead?

Was she hurt somewhere and left all alone?

Just then black flares were shot off.

"Black smoke? An abnormal!" Eren said in shock.

"Eren, Fire the signal." Levi ordered.

"Yes sir!" Eren replied.

"This is a disgrace. A lot of good the formation does if the bastards can get in this far." Levi huffed as he continued to ride onward.

 

He hoped Erwin knew what he was doing.

 

*Lilly POV*

 

Lilly and the group rode around the perimeter of the dark and thick forest.

Commander Erwin had relayed a message to everyone behind the command squad that only the center rank squad was to pass through the forest. This command left many of the remaining soldiers in confusion and frustration. They didn't understand why no one had called a retreat when they had suffered such a great loss.

"What are we going on a sight seeing trip now? How much further do they want us to stray off course? This is ridiculous." Jean scoffed from his horse.

"Commander Erwin must have something in mind. Perhaps the situation forces him to improvise." Armin said.

"Maybe he's looking for a nice shady spot to throw all the rookies a celebratory picnic." Jean said.

"Oh Jean, lighten up." Lilly huffed as she whipped her hair out of her dirty face.

"Point is, I hope he doesn't plan for us to camp here. We are sitting ducks out here, he's got to know that." Jean said as he continued to ride forward towards a crowd of scouts outside the woods.

Jean was right. 

There was nowhere for the sides of the formation to go but around the woods if only the center rank was allowed to pass through. Titans could leap out at them from either side.

"Halt!" A voice called a head.

Lilly stopped her horse in front of a soldier who was giving commands to the the scouts who were roaming outside the woods aimlessly.

"Okay rookies, we are assuming interception positions from up in the trees. Tie your horses up and wait for further instruction!" The soldier commanded.

Lilly looked back at Armin who shrugged his shoulders and hopped down from her horse. Lilly slowly brought Hvid to a young thin tree and tied his reign to the trunk. She pet his mane slowly as she watched the others do the same. Then April and Ben rode up.

They looked terrible.

"April!" Lilly cried out happily.

"Oh thank goodness you're okay. It was awful." April's eyes watered.

Lilly put her hand on April's face too soothe her friend. Her eyes met with big glistening brown eyes and her heart dropped.

"We saw them...we saw them die...we tried to help." April frowned.

Her face was covered in blood and dirt, but the blood didn't appear to be her own.

"This mission has turned to complete shit." Ben shook his head as her ran his bloody fingers through his dark hair and frowned as he looked down at April.

"I'm just glad you two are alright. I was so worried when I didn't see you guys." Lilly hugged April tightly.

She felt both their hearts racing through their chests.

"I thought you were dead Lilly, the entire right wing was destroyed." April sighed on her shoulder.

"Move it!" The commanding soldier shouted from behind them.

Lilly pulled away and nodded at April. Then she and Ben left to tie up their horses.

Her eyes were glued to them as they walked away together hand in hand.

 

Her heart felt better, knowing that those two were alright.

 

.............

 

Lilly stood high up in a branch in a tree in the perimeter of the forest. She looked over to the nearby tree that Jean was posted at and gave him a weak smile. They had been ordered to stop any titans that tried to enter the forest while on look out high up in the trees. This would protect center rank as they passed through the forest. Word was that the female titan had already entered the forest just before they got there.

She was after Eren after all. What did the female titan want with him?

Lilly took another glance around her. She had never seen trees this tall. She glanced back behind her into the deep forest, and it was pure darkness. Not only that, but it was very quiet and still. It didn't feel right. Not even the animals were making noise.

Not a damn squirrel in sight.

She smiled softly to herself as she remembered how Levi teased her for that. God, she prayed he was okay. He was strong and extremely skilled, so he probably was. But knowing that didn't stop her from wondering about his safety.

She glanced around to see Sasha, Conny, Reiner, Bertholdt, Christa, Mikasa, Ben, and April all posted around her as well. No one was speaking. But it was comforting being surrounded by people she knew.

Lilly leaned against the gigantic trunk of the tree. She placed her hand against the grey jagged bark and looked up into the dark green leaves above her. Very little light escaped through those leaves. She began to wonder how old these trees were, and what this forest must have been like before the titans took over this wall.

She stood there for another half an hour. She became frustrated and bored. Lilly could never hold still for very long. It simply wasn't in her nature. And this strategy didn't make any sense.   
Shouldn't at least some of them go in to take down that titan so Eren wouldn't get killed? He was too valuable to humanity.  
She huffed as she leaned against the tree.

"5 meter approaching!" Someone shouted.

Lilly glanced up at what was probably the stupidest looking titan she ever saw in her life. The way it ran was just plain laughable, and right about now, she was pretty fed up with titans.

Before they all knew it, another giant horde of titans were at the bases of all the trees they were in, reaching up for the scouts.

Lilly leaned over to glance down at them with an unintimidated look. They were awful creatures. Emotionless and cruel. They'd taken so much from so many in the most gruesome ways.

They had killed many of her comrades.

She took out her blades and stepped on the edge of her branch in her worn out rider boots, and Jean launched over next to her and put his big hand on her soldier.

"Easy tiger. These titans aren't entering the forest. They're too distracted by us being up here in the trees. Just stay put." Jean said.

Lilly squeezed the handle of her blades and furrowed her brows. 

Too many had been killed on this mission. 

She wanted to avenge them, and she wanted to do it now. But she knew Jean was right. She'd have to stay put for now, at least till she received further command.

 

She wondered how it was going deep inside those woods...  
...

 

*Levi POV*

 

"Captain! Captain Levi!" Eren shouted.

"What?" He responded with a sigh as he continued to lead the squad through the woods.

"C'mon Sir! We are in a forest! We won't see a titan till it's right on top of us! The center rank is totally cut off! Something is coming up on the right isn't it? So what are we supposed to do? Defend wagons or avoid titans?" Eren asked frantically.

Levi huffed and continued to look forward on his horse.

"Tch. Quit whining and move on from the obvious already. Neither of those are an option anymore." Levi said in an annoyed tone.

This kid was always on edge. No wonder he couldn't control his titan ability.

"What are you talking about?" Eren asked in a concerned voice.

Was he seriously that dense?

"Haven't you taken a look at what is around you? Take a look at these big ass trees." Levi paused as Eren looked around. 

"Perfect environment for ODM gear, wouldn't you say? Take my advice Eren. Calm down and use your head." Levi said.

Eren was quiet as they continued to keep riding forward in the shadows.

"Your best survival tool is your brain." Levi said in a serious tone.

They continued to ride in the woods which seemed to get quieter as they rode forward. It didn't feel right, and Levi wasn't sure if Erwin's plan was going to work. But he had to remain calm and collected so he could lead the squad safely.

He had to trust Erwin.

Just then, a black signal flare was shot up into the sky behind them.

"Black smoke!" Eren shouted.

"That was right behind us. That thing is going to be right on our asses!" Gunther shouted.

"It followed us in here!" Eld said.

Levi glanced over his shoulder and withdrew his blades.

"Blades drawn. Now." He commanded.

They weren't going to have any choice. They needed to prepare now.

"It will happen in a blink of an eye. Be ready." Levi said.

Just then a support scout lifted up into the trees to face the unknown in the darkness behind them. Levi didn't have to look behind him.

He sensed something was terribly wrong in that moment.   
Everything seemed to move in slow motion as he continued to ride his horse through the shadows. He narrowed his eyes as he rode onward and mentally prepared for what was to come.

Then the abnormal emerged out of the darkness and swatted the support soldier into a tree. Blood splattered everywhere.

A female titan with no skin.

He heard his squad members panic behind him.

"Let's go! Move it!" He yelled fearlessly.

Then the titan jumped and just missed Eren with her gigantic foot.

She was fast. 

Too fast.

They were not prepared for this shit.

Levi gritted his teeth and pushed his horse to ride faster.

"Holy shit! It's catching up!" Eld yelled.

"Captain! Engage the ODM gear?!" Petra shouted in panic.

He glanced over his shoulder up at the Titan closing in on them.

"Captain?!" Petra yelled.

His heart was racing out of his chest. They couldn't yet.  
Just then two more support soldiers whirred in behind the titan, but within seconds she crushed them like insects. Levi grimaced as he heard them scream as their bones popped.

Son if a bitch.

He scowled as he continued to ride forward silently.

"Captain! Your order?!" Petra screamed in pure fear.

"Captain, it's dangerous! Let's take it out!" Oluo shouted.

"Tell us to engage sir!" Eld screamed.

Levi heard blades being readied behind him.

He knew they'd die.

All of them. 

This thing was too dangerous. He couldn't send them off this moment. They needed to trust in him and keep riding forward.

He couldn't send them off to their deaths.

"Captain?!" Eren yelled.

"Captain!" Petra screamed frantically.

He winced at the sound of her screaming like that. She was truly afraid.

"Your orders Captain!" Oluo yelled.

He remained silent as he tried to think. It was nearly impossible with the titan's footsteps growing louder as she closed in, and his head was pounding.

"Son of a bitch. Let's just take it out! That's what we are here for right Sir?!" Eld shouted.

"Your order sir! Please!" Eren pleaded.

Levi glanced back with his dark green cloak blowing behind him, the wings of freedom dancing in the air.

"Everyone, cover your ears! Now!" Levi ordered as he reached into his pocket for his flare gun.

He then reached into the air and pulled the trigger. A loud pop went off and his ears were ringing. Erwin should have been able to hear that.

"What was that?! An acoustic round?!" Eren asked.

Levi turned his head and gave Eren an irritated look.

"Remind me. What is our mission? Is it to simply act on impulse in the heat of the moment?" Levi asked.

Eren was silent as he rode behind Levi.

"Let me answer that question for you. It's not." Levi said and then glanced back at everyone behind him.

"This squad's mission is to keep this brat alive. And don't forget it." Levi said as he turned his head around.

He heard growls of frustration behind him.

"We keep pushing forward on horseback. Do I make myself clear?" He asked sternly.

"As of now Sir!" Petra answered.

"But for how long? We can't keep running forever! She's right on top of us as it is! Eren said.

Just then two more support scouts came whirring in.

"They keep coming! They're all going to die unless we turn and do something soon!" Eren shouted.

"Eyes front! Stop looking behind us!" Gunther yelled at Eren.

"Are you serious?! Eld help them! If the Levi squad can't stop that thing then who can?! They need us!" Eren yelled.

Just then Levi heard another scream and crunch behind them. It silently infuriated him but he couldn't look back.

"Another one! Damn it he didn't need to die!" Eren yelled in raw frustration.

Levi heard another wire whirring behind them. His body tensed as he anticipated yet another death.

"Come on there's still one more, let's save him!" Eren shouted.

"Eren do as you're told! Eyes forward!" Petra shouted.

"How can all of you just ignore what's happening back there?! Are you telling me to abandon my comrades?!" He screamed.

"God damn it Eren! Yes! Stop whining and do as your captain tells you!" Petra shouted back.

"We are just letting people die! If this is part of a bigger picture, then why can't someone just explain it to me?!" Eren screamed.

Levi frowned as he looked forward. He knew Eren had a good heart. That's why he defended him numerous times against his own squad during the past month. He had faith that Eren would bring them answers. But Levi didn't enjoy letting these soldiers die any more than Eren. He had to follow the orders given by Erwin. And he couldn't explain it to his squad even if they were desperate for the answers. Their priority was protecting Eren.  
Humanity's hope was resting on him and what was in that fucking basement.

"Shut up and behave like a soldier!" Oluo screamed at Eren.

"No Eren stop! You swore to only assume titan form if your life was in extreme danger! That was an oath! Eren!" Petra screamed.

Levi whipped his head around to look at Eren with his hand in his mouth. He was getting ready to bite into his own flesh to transform.

Levi turned around to face forward silently.

"I wouldn't blame you. Do as your conscious dictates." Levi started. "But Eren listen, you are not inherently evil. Your ability to change doesn't make you a monster. It could be the other way around. Whether you lose control or freely give it up, maybe it's the same." Levi said bluntly.

Eren was silent. Only the sound of horses trotting and the titan's feet hitting the ground behind them filled the air.

"We don't agree because our past experiences brings us to opposing views. That's life. But at the end of the day, there's no reason to go against how you see it. The choice is yours. You can trust yourself, or you can trust in the people willing to lay down their lives for you." He said plainly.

Levi looked down and frowned. His heart ached as remembered Isabelle and Farlan. The night they sat up on the rooftop and gazed up at the stars after he agreed to trust them.

Then he remembered how he found them on the battlefield...

Torn apart.

Dead.

"I don't know which is better. I never have." He continued as he frowned, trying to hide the pain in his voice. "Should I act on my own instincts? Or put myself in the hands of my own comrades and trust them. Either way, there's no guarantee. In the end, you choose what you choose. If afterwards your regrets are at a minimum, good for you."

They continued to ride silently as the sounds of the remaining support scout's wire shot behind them.

"Eren trust us!" Petra pleaded.

He was still thinking about transforming obviously.

"Eren make up your damn mind!" Levi screamed at him in frustration.

There was a moment of silence before Eren answered.

"I'm with you!" Eren yelled.

Just then Levi heard the last support scout scream as he was slammed into a tree. He heard Eren whimper in frustration and probably regret. But Levi was relieved that Eren trusted him, even though he knew his intentions were good.

But they were just too risky, and they could afford to take any chances.

Then the titan's footsteps grew louder and harder.

"The target is moving faster!" Oluo yelled frantically.

"Just keep moving, we will lose the bitch!" Levi yelled.

Then Levi passed Erwin and the rest of the commanding squad which had set up a giant spear trap within the trees. Levi's eyes widened and a slight wave of relief washed over him.

That son of a bitch.

"Fire!" Commander Erwin screamed.

Suddenly giant spear-anchors were launched into the female titan at all angles. Steam clouds rose behind them but they kept riding on.

That should keep the bitch still.

They got away.

"Everyone! Tie your horses up ahead and switch to ODM gear. I have to slip away for a bit. Tuck Eren somewhere away from the female titan, completely out of sight. See to my horse!" Levi shouted as he launched an anchor behind him and flew in the trees back towards the female titan.

 

.....

 

Levi landed on the branch where Erwin stood, overlooking the female titan. She was trapped, but covering her nape.

"She's not putting up much of a fight." He said to Erwin.

"That's no reason to let our guard down. Good work leading her here. I'm a little more than impressed." Erwin said.

"We couldn't have without the support scouts who's lives bought us more time. This belongs to them." Levi said as he scowled down at the Titan. "I don't intend to ever forget that." Levi continued as he stood with his fists clenched.

"Is that so?" Erwin asked.

"Yes. Because of their sacrifices, we can expose whoever this really is." Levi said as he pulled out his blades.

"Not quite yet Levi, we just need a little bit more insurance. SECOND AND THIRD WAVES FIRE!" Erwin screamed.

Just then Levi watched as more spear-anchors were launched into the female titan. The booms echoed in the forest.

He'd make this bitch pay. 

Especially if Lilly turned out to be dead along with the many who gave their lives on this day.

He lifted a wilted daisy from his pocket, the one that had fallen from her hair the day before. He twisted the delicate thing in his rough fingers and closed his eyes and frowned as his black hair hung in his face. 

He remembered her in quick flashes.

White sunshine.

Her laugh echoing in the summer air.

Daisies.

Peach and Jasmine.

Pale blue eyes turning to look up at him.

A beautiful smile.

He took in an uneven breath as he was pained with worry.

His body was tense, but the delicate flower in his hand reminded him to be gentle so he wouldn't crush it.

"Have faith Levi." Erwin started from beside him.

 

"She could still be alive."


	23. Never Lasts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Expedition Concluded

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a bit guys! Thanks for your patience! Fun fact about Lilly: her hair and eyebrow color combination was inspired by daenerysfrom game of thrones (: 
> 
> Happy reading and thanks for the support! (:

Lilly glanced down at a couple of titans trying to eagerly crawl up the trees.

She had heard what sounded like cannon fire coming from deep within the woods. She hoped everything was going okay in there. That female titan was seriously no joke, and she only hoped that both the commanding squad and Levi's squad were handling it okay.

"Is that cannon fire?" Jean asked from behind Lilly.

"I didn't hear that they brought any in." Lilly said.

"Then what's up with all that noise?" Jean asked.

"I have no idea." Lilly frowned as she looked down at a grinning titan as he climbed up towards them.

Lilly and Jean flew into another tree at a higher branch.

"They're getting pretty high up. They may be able to try their hands at building tree houses." Jean scoffed.

"They are learning... I've never seen a titan climb..." Lilly's mouth hung open.

Armin flew over to where they stood, a serious look on his face.

"They captured her. A messenger just delivered the news. They had lured her into a trap." Armin said in a low tone.

"This was all a plan wasn't it. Why didn't Commander Erwin tell us, maybe save some good people instead of throwing away all these lives. He left us in the dark." Jean said with a scowl.

"No, he did what was necessary." Armin said.

Lilly glanced over at Armin curiously.

"You're going to defend him? Do you know how many of us died so the commander could play intrigue?"

"Of course I do! All I'm saying is it's easy to judge in hindsight. At the time though, there was no way to tell how things would turn out. He's a commander, not a psychic." Armin said.

Lilly nodded thoughtfully.

"He had to act on what he had." Lilly said.

"Right. He had to choose. A handful of us or all of us. What would you have done? He made a decision. He sacrificed a hundred lives for the good of mankind. I may be naive but there's one thing I know beyond all doubt. Genuine harvesters of change must be willing to do what most wont: sacrifice their hearts. And accept the burden of doing the unspeakable." Armin looked down at the titans below them from where they stood quietly.

"The fact is this. To rise above monsters, we have to abandon our humanity. That's the irony in it I guess. If you can't let it go, it's not worth holding on to." Armin added.

Lilly sighed and silently leaned against the tree and looked back into the dark woods as she reached down into her pocket to touch the glass tincture.

................

 

*Levi POV*

 

"FIRE!" Commander Erwin screamed.

Just then, more anchors were shot into the female titan and the booms echoed throughout the forest.

Levi stood high up in a branch next to Miche, glaring down at the beast. He wanted to rip whoever was in there out right there and then. He shifted his weight as he patiently waited for his command.

He looked to Erwin who then nodded at them.

It was time to tear the bitch open. They'd have to cut through her hands first.

Levi and Miche both sent anchors flying into the female titan's back and closed in on her hands. But as Levi wound up to hack at her hands, he saw them freeze over and harden right before his eyes. It was too late by the time he and Miche sent their blades crashing over her rock solid hand. The blades broke into hundreds of pieces, sending glistening metal shards flying through the air.

He clenched his teeth in frustration.

Levi returned to Erwin's side after the failed attempt and glared down at the female titan. Erwin waved his hand to call another scout over.

"Yes sir?" The young scout asked nervously.

"Fire up an artillery round. I want her hands blown off." Erwin said.

"Uh..with all due respect Commander, there's a huge risk if we use the cannons. The hands will get blown off but whatever is beneath them will too Sir." The scout replied.

"A fine point soldier. Which is why you'll aim carefully and sever them at the wrists. On my signal, I want an all out assault on them." Erwin said as he placed his hand on the young scout's shoulder.

"Yes Sir!" The scout replied before flying off.

Levi watched as the soldiers began loading the cannons. He glanced back at the female titan, and anger bubbled up inside him. He flew down and landed on top of her head. He withdrew his blades and stomped on her head.

"Knock knock. We know you're in there. Why don't you make this easy and come on out and stop wasting my time." Levi said as he glared down at the blonde hair that his boots were buried in.

"Seriously what can you hope to gain by stalling? If you're thinking we will let you go, we won't. If you're thinking about trying to escape, don't. All you should be thinking about are the good men you killed today. Not that you would. That's not your style- remorse. You enjoy killing." Levi said with disgust and rage burning on his tongue. He stepped forward a few steps and glanced down.

"Which means we have something in common. Of course, I enjoy killing titans. It's a start. I'm sure we could find some middle ground. Oh that's right, while we are on that subject, let me ask. You don't mind me cutting your limbs off at the joint, right? I mean they'll just grow back." Levi said as he dug his foot deeper into her head.

"I'm talking about your actual body. Don't want you dead just yet. Timing wouldn't work." He said in a dark tone as he stared wide eyed at his feet.

He'd torture her. 

As soon as this person was revealed, he'd make them suffer slow.

But just then, he felt the titan's head move. He looked down and saw anchors pop out of her face. She started screaming loudly, and he immediately covered his ears.

The scream probably could be heard from a hundred fucking miles away. 

Then the titan stopped.

"Nicely done. I almost lost my composure." Levi said as he brought his hands back down.

 

..............

 

*Lilly POV*

 

"What was that?!" Jean asked from their tree branch.

"It sounded like a titan." Lilly's voice was low.

Suddenly all of the titans that were at the bases of their trees were running into the woods. Dozens and dozens of them were entering.

"Shit!" Lilly shouted as she whirred off after them.

"No Lilly!" Jean shouted and launched off after her.

"Our job is to keep them out! They center rank is in danger in there!" Lilly screamed with fear in her voice.

The center rank was going to be completely surrounded and swarmed and she couldn't stand by in good conscious knowing that. 

They were all in danger.

Captain Levi was in danger.

She launched by a titan and sliced it's nape open, dropping it to the ground. But all the titans kept running past her. They wanted nothing to do with her.

Where they all abnormals?

Suddenly she felt an arm wrap around her middle.

"Let go!" She said as she looked up at Jean as he carried her back.

"I can't. Trust that they can handle this. We have to remain posted. The titans are running too fast for all of us to catch up." Jean said as he landed and dropped Lilly to her feet.

Lilly's heart was pounding and she was getting lightheaded from the stress of the situation. Her eyes stung with tears and she pounded the tree with a tight fist in frustration.

"They're all going to die." Lilly said in a broken voice.

"They can handle it Lilly. Trust them." Jean said as he looked back into the forest.

 

*LEVI POV*

 

"They're coming. I can smell them." Miche said as he landed next to Erwin.

Levi glanced up and narrowed his eyes. He looked around in the trees around him. 

It felt off.

"From where? How many?" Erwin asked with wide eyes.

"From all directions and fast. Dozens." Miche answered quickly.

Levi watched as Erwin faced the cannons.

"Faster on the artillery gentleman!" Erwin shouted.

Suddenly the sound of many footsteps echoed throughout the forest.

"Here they are. The first wave closing in from the east." Miche said.

"Flank defense squad, intercept now!" Erwin shouted.

Just then the squad of three launched off from their post. They flew to face the titans but the titans ran past them, paying the squad no mind at all.

"Three titans broke through! Captain Levi!" A soldier called out as the titans headed fast towards him and the female titan.

He started stomping on the top of her head with his blades still in hand.

"Hey! What'd you do? Called up some friends didn't you?" He asked as he glared up at the three titans running towards him.

He wound up his blades and shot an anchor out into a tree, slicing through two of titan's napes quickly as he spun through the air.

Blood sprayed everywhere.

He landed against the side of the tree and watched in shock as the smallest titan of the three started chewing on the female titan's leg.

They were all coming for her.

He turned his head quickly to see a horde of titans approaching and he clenched his teeth as his hair hung in his eyes.

This was going to be a blood bath.

"A wave is approaching! All heads, engage!" Commander Erwin shouted.

Soon all the scouts in the area were flying in on the crowd of titans.

Anger and hatred boiled in Levi's blood as he flew between the titans, dodging their greedy hands and flying up to sever their napes quickly.

"Defend the female titan at all costs!" Erwin screamed.

Levi flew through limbs, slicing them off grunting as he bounced from one titan to another. Steam and blood filled the air as they attacked the horde for thirty minuets, but it all seemed useless.

There were too many, and they were starting to devour the female titan. Her arm was torn off and blood sprayed over Levi's face.

"Fucking hell!" Levi said through his clenched teeth as blood steamed off from his face.

The person inside was going to get away. And get away with everything. Maybe they'd be eaten with the titans, but that was not what Levi had in plan for this disgusting excuse for a human.

"Coward!" He shouted at her as he tried to clear a path to her nape, but more titans filled in.

"All heads withdraw!" Erwin screamed.

Levi glanced up at Erwin who's eyes were glued to him before launching up to a tree and looking down at the scene unfold. 

A bloody gore-filled mess.

He failed them. 

All of them.

He stared off into space with wide eyes.

"Redeploy the formation! Return to Karanes District!" Commander Erwin shouted.

Levi looked down.

It was all for nothing. 

All of these lives thrown away.

For nothing.

The loud sound of titans crunching on the remains of the female titan filled the air. Steam rose through the trees as Levi launched an anchor to land besides Erwin. He wiped the blood off his face and looked at him.

“We've been bested." Erwin said in a low tone.

"Don't give me that crap. Not now, and not yet." Levi spat.

Was he seriously already starting this shit? It was obvious. They fucking lost.

"Think about it, the enemy was prepared to make sacrifices. Enormous ones. So committed to protecting her secrets that she let herself be eaten." Erwin said.

"That whole song and dance in the courtroom and we have nothing to show for it. We scurry back with our tails in between our legs. Eren's right back in chains or worse." Levi said in a dark tone as he glanced back down at the steaming mess below them.

"We will deal with that when we come to it. Right now, we need to focus back on avoiding anymore casualties however we can." Erwin said.

Levi huffed.

"I'll gather up my squad." Levi said as he begun to turn.

"Not yet Levi. First refill your fuel and replace your blades."

"I'll be fine with what I have. We are running against the clock as it is. Why?" Levi turned his glance back to Erwin.

"Because I said. That's why. That's an order." Erwin said sternly before turning away.

Levi stared at him with a blank expression and sighed.

"Whatever you say, Sir. I trust you implicitly." Levi responded before launching off the branch to replenish his supplies without further question.

He had to continue to trust him.

He had nothing left to do.

Levi watched as the retreat flares were shot into the sky.

He hoped he'd find Lilly outside the forest.

He reached inside his cloak pocket and checked to see if the daisy was still there.

 

It wasn't.

 

...............

 

*LILLY POV*

 

Lilly looked up into the sky when she heard flares being shot off inside the forest. 

Retreat flares.

"That's it. We are going home?" Jean asked as he looked up at the sky.

"It's over." Lilly spoke quietly to herself.

"We retreat to headquarters on horseback!" A soldier shouted.

"Thank god." April said as she flew over to stand next to Lilly. 

"Looks like we barely survived our first mission." April said as she put her hand in Lilly's back.

"We did. I'm proud of you guys. I just hope the center rank is okay." Lilly said as she looked into the forest behind her.

"I'm sure Levi is fine." April said.

"I didn't say Levi." Lilly said quickly as she met April's eyes.

"You didn't have to." April smiled.

 

............

 

"So if we are going home, that must mean the operation was a success, right?" Jean asked from his horse as they rode towards a clearing.

They were going to stop soon to wait for the rest of the scouts so they could go reclaim the dead to bring home to their families.

"I guess so. They must have figured out the female titan's identity." Armin said from his horse.

"I want to know myself. I'm actually pretty impressed with the Commander. How'd he know she'd come after us after we left behind the wall?" Jean asked.

"Did you notice how during the attack at Trost, the titans halted their attack halfway through? The armored titan never came to bust in the last gate like in the attack at Shiganshina. Something must have thrown their plans off. Something that forced them to call off the attack." Armin said.

"Like what?" Jean said.

Lilly listened attentively as Jean and Armin went back and forth. 

Armin's theories haven't been wrong yet.

"Eren's titan transformation." Lilly said from behind them on her horse.

"That's the most logical explanation." Armin replied.

"But that would mean..." Jean said quietly.

"That means they were there. Whoever called off the attack is our own. The enemy is one of us." Armin said.

Lilly looked at Armin with a shocked expression.

"We were betrayed?" Lilly asked with her hair blowing in her face.

She didn't understand. Why would humans attack humans? 

Especially when they were on the brink of extinction.

Just then a lightning bolt struck from the sky and zapped down in the forest that they had left behind. The same thing happened when Eren transformed...

"Was that Eren?!" Lilly shouted.

"I don't know!" Armin shouted.

"Keep riding!" Jean shouted to Lilly.

Lilly kept riding but her head was turned to look back at the forest. Not too long after, another bolt shot from the sky into the forest.

"That's two! Something is wrong!" Lilly shouted as she looked behind her hesitantly.

"Lilly don't you turn around. Don't play hero. We were given orders to retreat!" Jean shouted.

Lilly then saw three titans running after them in the distance, and they were running fast.

"Three titans closing in from the south!" Ben shouted.

"Keep riding!" Jean shouted.

Lilly kept riding but her horse was becoming exhausted.

"Shit, Hvid!" Lilly shouted. "Cmon boy, just a little longer." Lilly pleaded.

But the titans were drawing in. It was no use. She was going to have to face them.

"Lilly leave your horse! Hop on the back of mine!" Jean shouted.

"Those titans need to be taken out. We can't stop safely and wait if these titans are out here. I'll deal with them!" Lilly shouted as she fell behind.

"No Lilly! You'll be killed!" April cried.

"There are no trees, you won't be able to use your ODM gear!" 

Jean shouted.

Lilly smirked.  
"I was always a good runner." She said as she turned her horse around and started to ride towards the east.

"Lilly!" Jean screamed frantically.

Lilly continued to ride back towards the forest, catching the titan trio's attention.

They started chasing her instead.

Her friends were safe.

She was almost back to the forest where she'd be able to use the trees to her advantage. Soon enough she was able to launch off her horse and into the trees. She watched as Hvid ran deep into the woods ahead of her. She then swung around one tree and came back around, just dodging a hand. She then retracted her anchor and shot out another to the front of the titan's shoulder where she propelled herself around to easily slice open the titan's nape.

Before another titan could grab her, she launched herself up into a tree branch to catch her breath.

Just a 10 meter and a 5 meter left.

The 5 meter was quicker so she decided that he'd be the next target. She lured him off to the side away from the 10 meter and quickly lunged down on the ugly little thing, slicing it's head clean off it’s shoulders. Blood splattered in her eyes and she was blinded. She quickly went to shoot her anchor into a tree but felt herself get grabbed around her ribs and lifted into the air.

She screamed in pain as the hand tightened it's grip on her. Her arms were still free so she started chopping away at the hand around her with her blades. She grunted with each chop before she cut through and fell to the ground with a thud.

Adrenaline was running rampant through her veins and she was able to recover quickly as her vision cleared. She swallowed the pain and shot herself high up into a tree where she could see the titan's movements more carefully.

It was reaching up for her once more with it's other hand and she shot herself into another tree behind it, then quickly pushed herself off the tree while winding up her arms. She then crashed down on it's nape full force sending blood flying in all directions as the titan groaned loudly.

She landed on her feet and stood for a moment while the adrenaline left her.

She had done it. 

It was close, she was almost devoured.

She almost died and failed her parents.

She glanced down at her silver leaf pendant and huffed.

But she still did it.

Soon enough, the pain in her lower ribs struck her hard. She collapsed to her knees, holding her ribs as a pained groan left her lips.

Some may have been fractured.

She backed herself against the base of a tree and sat for a moment. She tried calling Hvid for about twenty minutes, but he never came.

The sun was getting lower in the sky, and the forest started to grow darker around her.

 

.....................

 

*LEVI POV*

 

He had seen the first bolt strike not far from him. It had lit up the entire forest.

Eren?

Or that person within the female titan.. Maybe they got away and went after Eren again. He never saw them get eaten by the horde of titans.

Levi quickly flew through the trees headed in that direction. It was a good thing Erwin had him replenish.

He must have known...

Just then another bolt of lightning lit up the forest. Then titan screams filled the woods.

Eren.

He knew those screams.

He continued to fly through the forest until he saw a body hanging dead from the trees.

A scout.

He got up closer to discover it was Gunther. His mouth opened in shock as he saw his wounds were done by the very blades they all carry.

He closed his eyes and tried to settle the guilt in his chest.

After a few seconds he opened his eyes.

He continued to maneuver in between trees and soon he found the bodies Oluo and Eld. He onely found Eld's upper half. Oluo's body had been completely broken and disfigured. Bloody messes were what remained of his fellow squad members.

The female titan was back.

How was this possible? 

Why did this always have to happen? It never got any easier. It didn't matter how many people that were close to him that he lost. It never got easier. But he repressed his feelings. The pain, the anger, the sadness.

He was in a position where he couldn't afford to let emotion slip.

Numbness took over him. Numbness to protect from the guilt, and from the pain of seeing these good men die in this way.

Was Petra still alive? 

God please be fucking alive Petra. 

Please.

He moved on.

He didn't see anything for a while, but eventually he came upon a bloodied body laying at the base of a tree. He lowered himself to better identify it, and then saw empty and lifeless golden eyes staring up at him.

Petra.

Blood glued her gingery hair to her pale face. Her body had been crushed completely against the tree. Loose hair blowing in the breeze.

"You're breaking my heart."

That was the last real conversation he had with her.

It replayed in his mind over and over again and he couldn't bare to look at her anymore. She didn't deserve this.

She didn't deserve any of it.

 

He launched off at full speed towards the loud booms and screams echoing in the dense forest.

 

He had to stop this.

 

...........

 

When he spotted Eren's titan form's remains, he knew that it had been too late. 

The female titan had taken him clean from the nape. He heard the sounds of her running not far from where he was, so he kept going further. He eventually caught up to her and spotted another scout chasing her as well.

Mikasa Ackerman.

She was too close to the female titan. He needed to stop her before she was killed too. He quickly swooped in and grabbed her.

"Stay back for now." He said to her as he looked down as her.

She glared up at him and he let her go. They then maneuvered through the trees together following the female titan from a distance.

"Maintain this distance. She's slowed down now, tired from that fight." Levi said.

Mikasa was quiet beside him. He glanced over as his hair was flying out of his face in the breeze.

"It looks like she bit the entire nape off. It's unlikely Eren survived." He said in a low tone.

"He's still alive in there." She furrowed her brows. "She took him for a purpose. If she wanted Eren dead, she would have crushed him. She needs him for something, but she also needs her hands to fight. She's holding him on her tongue." Mikasa growled at him.

"It is possible she just wanted to savor her victory, in which case she's already swallowed him and he's dead." Levi said to her.

"He's alive!" Mikasa shouted.

Levi glanced over at her silently.

"Someone's optimistic." He said.

"If you had just done your damn job and protected him like you were supposed to, we wouldn't even be having this conversation right now!" She spat.

"I see now. Childhood friend, right? It's all making sense now. Right. For the sake of arguing, let's narrow our goals. Forget about taking her down now."

"No, she's killed too many of our people for that! She's dead!" Mikasa said.

"She's got defenses that neither of us have been trained to deal with. I'm telling you, it's a lost cause. Instead we will act on your assumption that Eren is alive. Focus only on freeing him before she exits the forest." He withdrew his blades and narrowed his eyes. "You find a way to distract her somehow. I'll worry about all the cutting." He said to her in a low tone.

"Got it." Mikasa said as she nodded.

Soon Mikasa was maneuvering between the female titan's feet and crossing in front of her. The female titan didn't go after her still. 

She maintained her pace. 

Levi then closed in his distance behind the titan and watched with alert eyes as he quietly waited for his opportunity to strike. He readied his blades carefully as he continued to follow her patiently.

Suddenly the female titan turned around and threw her giant fist towards him, but he quickly reacted and spun his blades all the way up her arm with a grunt as he used all his strength. 

When he got to her shoulder, he used both his feet to bounce off to propel him up to her face where he plunged both his blades into her eyes, blinding her. He quickly replaced his blades and then swung down and began quickly slicing through the muscles in her legs. This caused her to fall back against a tree for support. But she reached up and covered her nape with one hand. He narrowed his eyes as his determination fueled him. He grunted with each deep slice of the muscles in her arm as he went on his slashing frenzy.

This was what gave him life.

Avenging death.

Soon enough all his work paid off and the titan leaned forward, revealing her neck. He watched as Mikasa floated above, watching. Suddenly Mikasa shot her anchor into the female titan's shoulder.

She was going's to go in for the kill. 

Exactly what he fucking told that gloomy brat not to do.

His eyes widened and he halted his assault. Now was not the time for her to be screwing everything up.

"Don't do it!" Levi screamed.

The female titan hardened her nape and swiftly raised her fist to squash Mikasa. He quickly jumped and pushed her out of the way, his foot twisting and his ankle popping against the titan's hand as he landed on it. He groaned out in pain.

He definitely fucking broke it.

He thought fast and quickly used the situation to propel himself up and slice open the female titan's jaw muscles, revealing a slime covered Eren laying on her tongue.

"Eren!" Mikasa yelled.

Levi flew up and grabbed Eren quickly before retreating back to a tree branch with his ankle swelling and burning inside his boot.

"Got him, let's go." Levi breathed through the pain that was radiating up his leg.

Mikasa looked down at Eren and frowned. She wasn't going to budge until she knew Erwin was okay.

"He's alright. Disgusting, but he's alright." He said at he glanced down at the slobber covered young man. He glanced back up at her and scowled. "What did I tell you about going in for the kill? That was completely irresponsible."  
Levi narrowed his eyes before turning to leave.

"You could have really screwed this up by making it personal. We get that you love him but don't act so fucking crazy." He spat before launching up into the trees to head back to headquarters.

Perhaps he was taking out his frustration and anger out on her, although he had complete reason to be aggravated at her. She could have cost them that last chance of protecting Eren.  
Not to mention, he had lost his entire squad along with many other comrades.

And more than likely the woman he had fallen in love with before he got the chance to tell her.

 

..............

 

Levi and Mikasa returned to the small camp that the remaining scouts had set while they waited for everyone to return. Many of the scouts had returned with bodies, or what remained of bodies.

He felt cold and numb as he glanced down at the giant row of bodies covered with tarps. He kneeled down before the remains of his squad quietly with his eyes closed. His head was still pounding, and the loss was starting to hollow him out.

This was one of their biggest losses yet.

He opened his eyes and removed the patches from his squads jackets so he'd personally be able to deliver them to their families and properly express how greatly they served humanity. He stood up and glanced around. 

He was searching.

For her.

But the more he looked, the more his heart sank.

She wasn't there.

He continued to walk around on his ankle which burned and swelled with each step, but he shook it off and clenched his jaw.

Quiet sounds of whimpering and crying filled the air as the sun got lower in the sky which burned orange, red and yellow.  
Wounded soldiers were being bandaged. Some were missing limbs. One soldier had to have his leg amputated and his screams filled the camp.

He glanced over to where he saw Jean, April and Ben sitting by a wagon. Lilly's friends. They all looked defeated and April appeared to be crying into Ben's chest. He looked around more, but she was nowhere to be found.

April glanced up at him with tear filled eyes and shook her head at him.

So there it was.

Confirmed.

His breath got caught in his throat and pain washed over his face. He quickly turned away. He needed to get away from everyone. From all this loss. He felt like he was fucking suffocating. 

Being smothered and having his nose rubbed in all of this death.

When would it fucking end.

He sat in the grass on the edge of the camp and looked off to the distance.

No regrets right?   
Keep moving on right? 

Was this just a mindless thing he repeated to himself to keep himself going? 

How long could he keep at it before he lost his mind?

He should have told her. 

He should have held her. 

He should have fucking kissed her the day before when the urge has bubbled up inside of his chest.

But he didn't.

And he'd never get the chance again.

He thought of Lilly's smiling face once more. 

He thought of the wilted daisy that he had lost.

 

Nothing beautiful ever lasted.

 

..............

 

*Lilly POV*

 

She lazily opened her eyes and slowly rose to her feet.

She cradled her arms around herself and her hair hung freely around her. Dirt and blood was caked to her fingers as she glanced down at them. Oh what she'd give for a warm bath right then. She started to make her way slowly through the edge of the forest and out into the remaining sunlight.

She winced when the light hit her face. 

The sky was red, like all of the blood that had been spilled that day. She continued to slowly make her way out into the grass field and gladly left that dark forest of nightmares behind her. 

She tried whistling for Hvid but he never came back.

Perhaps he was sick of this whole titan thing himself.

She slowly climbed up a grassy hill and saw a small camp in the distance.

The remaining scouts.

She needed to get there before they left for home. They probably wouldn't be waiting for anyone else much longer.

She slowly made her way down the other side of the hill, wincing with each step. Her hair blowed win the wind along with her green cape, the cool air comforting her skin.

Ten more minutes passed and she neared the camp. She could make out the faces of her friends sitting against a wagon filled with bodies. They all looked like they were broken. Reasonably so, nearly everyone had been wiped out.

Her eyes quickly started darting around looking for Levi.

Was he alive?

Her breathing became frantic and her extremities were shot with ice as anxiety tortured every inch of her tired body. She drew closer and her eyes went wide and a breath left her lungs in the sound of a relieved whimper.

He was there, to the right. 

Sitting in the grass gazing out to the hills. 

He wore a dark expression on his face as the sun burned red against his skin.

She took a few steps forward and tried to speak, but her voice was raspy and broken.

"Levi." She tried to speak.

He didn't hear her so she kept slowly stumbling towards him.  
Hot tears stung her eyes as she neared him. Her breathing getting heavy.

"Levi." She managed to say in a quiet but still raspy voice as she raised a shaking bloody hand out in front of her.

His head turned to her and his chest visibly stiffened as his eyes widened in shock. He stared at her in disbelief for a minute as she drew closer. Then he suddenly got up and ran to her with a slight limp.

He had been clearly injured in combat.

She stood there frozen until his warm touch made contact with her arms. His fingers tracing up her arms, quivering against her skin.

She instantly melted into his arms as he lifted her and buried his face into her neck. A pained breath of relief left his lungs as he shuddered against her, his lips barely grazing over her jawline. She whimpered pathetically in his arms. His black hair brushed against her face as she took in his warm scent. She ran her fingers up his warm neck as she felt him kiss her hair. 

Warm salty tears escaped her eyes and ran down to her lips. He gently lowered her down to meet his steely blue eyes with hers before reaching up and bunching his hand up in the back her hair and pressing his lips against hers.

Butterflies filled her stomach and more tears fell from her eyes as she returned his gentle kiss.

She buried her face in his chest, grabbing ahold of his bloodied cloak.

He was alive.

He was okay.

"I thought you were dead." He said softly into her hair.

"I thought you were dead too." She said quietly into his chest before looking up at him.

She reached into her pocket and took out the glass tincture bottle and held it between the both of them.

"I needed to give this to you." She said looking up at him with tired eyes.

He stared down at her hand and then back up at her. Dirt, blood and sweat were smudged across his face.

He suddenly wrapped his arms around her shoulders and sighed quietly into her hair.

 

"You're fucking alive."


	24. Lucky Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ending of Expedition. Lilly’s a bit traumatized and tired herself, but also wants to try to comfort Levi. Will he let her?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Changed the time of return in this chapter, just a heads up!

Lilly slowly walked besides Levi as they walked towards the wagon where her friends were gathered. Jean looked up at her and his eyes went wide.

“Lilly!” He exclaimed as he sat up and squeezed her tightly.

“Ow! Ow! Jean easy, my ribs.” Lilly winced as he put her back down.

“Are you okay?! Why’d you go off like that?! Why’d you have to go and play hero for?!” Jean shouted.

“I didn’t have a choice. Hvid was slowing down from exhaustion and I couldn’t let those three titans catch up to you.” Lilly said quietly.

“Three? Is that where you were?” Levi questioned her as he stared down at her.

“She went to go fight them herself to save the rest of us. And she succeeded it seems.” April said as she stood with a warm grin. “Welcome back.” April hugged Lilly gently. “I’m so glad you’re okay. Thank you so much for what you did back there for us.”

“Of course.” Lilly gave her a weak smile.

“What caused your injury?” Levi asked.

Lilly looked down as she cradled herself in her arms.

“I was grabbed by the last one. I had blood in my eyes, I couldn’t see..... he grabbed me. I think my lower ribs may have suffered a fracture or break.” Lilly glanced up quickly. “I got free though. I took them all down in the end.” Lilly said as she looked him in the eyes nervously.

He was quiet as he looked at her. Then he sighed. He looked like he wanted to reprimand her but he had stopped himself.

“We are leaving soon to headquarters. You all need to get ready. This has been one shit show of a mission, and it’s time to end it.” He said and then turned his attention to Lilly. 

“Where is your horse?” He asked.

“Hvid never came back.” Lilly frowned.

As if she hadn’t seen enough loss, her beloved horse was gone now too.

“Come.” He said as he turned to walk away.

Lilly looked over to her friends and gave them a weak smile before following Levi over to his horse.

“Rest here. I’ll go let Commander Erwin know you’re alive. And here, take my rations.” He said as he pulled a rations package from a pouch that hung from his horse’s saddle.

Lilly took the package before sitting down slowly. She hissed as a sharp pain struck her in the side. Levi quickly crouched down next to her and put his hand on her arm.

“I’m going to have Hange take care of you when we get back. She’ll look you over and take care of what you need. Just take it easy.” He said in a low tone.

Lilly nodded and gave him a small smile as he stood and walked away. She nibbled on the dry rations as she watched him speak with Erwin in the distance. Erwin was nodding his head as he listened to Levi speak. But then two young scouts interrupted them. They seemed to be greatly distressed. Lilly saw as Levi and Erwin went back and forth between the two, but she couldn’t make out what they were saying. 

Eventually Erwin walked away towards Lilly with Levi following close behind him.

“Holmes. Glad to see you are alive.” Erwin said as he passed her.

Lilly nodded her head at him quietly as he walked by.

“Scouts! We are moving out. Back to headquarters!” Erwin shouted loudly as he mounted his horse.

Lilly looked around to see that all the bodies had been loaded in wagons. There were so many, but she knew that the worst part was that those weren’t all of the dead. Many of the bodies had been eaten whole or missing. It was surreal.

When would she die? How many days were numbered on her life?

“Hey, let’s get going.” Levi tapped her boot with his.

“My horse...” Lilly said as she looked up at him with his hair hanging in his face.

“Get on mine. You’re in no shape to ride alone anyways.” Levi said as he gently helped her to her feet.

“Here, let me help you.” He said as he carefully lifted her up by her hips.

She winced as she climbed up onto the horse, but took a deep breath as she settled in. The horse had felt different from Hvid. He was more tense, she could feel it by the way he stood. He must have seen a lot of awful things himself. She reached over to pet his beautiful dark main and watched as his ears flicked. He seemed to be a serious horse. He and Levi made a good pair.

Levi reached up and climbed up to sit in front of her.

“Are you okay?” He asked over his shoulder.

“Yes.” Lilly said quickly.

“I will do my best to avoid any bumps.” He said quietly as the horse started to move forward.

Lilly quickly wrapped her arms around his middle to keep herself from slipping out of her position. She looked around them as the scouts and wagons made their way forward. 

Eyes were glued to her and Levi.

Many scouts stared at her as she clung to him.

If people didn’t already believe those rumors, they did now.

Had anyone seen him kiss her?

Commander Erwin glanced over at Lilly from his horse that rode next to them and nodded respectfully to her as he began to pass in front of them. She nodded back and looked to her other side.

A wagon full of bloodied dead bodies beside her. Chills ran down her spine and she quickly looked away. Was this wagon going to be next to them the entire way home? Filled with her dead comrades?

She had lost many comrades on this expedition, but she was grateful that her closest friends survived. She was blessed to have lived, and she was blessed that Levi had survived. Her eyes grew heavy as the sun was setting in the horizon, and the scent of warm woody pine and cedar greeted her face.

“Rest your head. You need to rest.” Levi said quietly.

She paused before gently resting her head against his muscular back and sighed. She closed her eyes and felt at peace for a short moment while her mind drifted back a bit.

He had kissed her.

She’d never kissed a man before. 

Well, Jean had kissed her. And she certainly didn’t kiss back. 

This was different.

She wanted that kiss.

And it was perfect and genuine.

She smiled wide against his back as the butterflies returned to her once more.

She was so happy it had been him, whether or not anything would come of them or not. But she’d let him discuss that with her when the time came. But reality came smacking down on her when her eyes drifted back to the wagon beside her.

The distraction was nice while it lasted though.

“We’ve got company! Titans approaching!” Voices yelled from behind them.

Lilly’s eyes opened wide and she lifted her head and turned around to look behind them. Another horde of titans were chasing a scout who’d gone back for another soldier. One of the very scouts that Levi and Erwin had bickered with. Could it have been that they were arguing about the soldier being left behind?

Soon a red flare was shot into the sky, and Levi started riding his horse faster. Lilly winced as she was bounced up and down on the horse. She clung tighter to him as her heart started racing out of her chest.

“I’m sorry.” Levi said in a low tone to her.

Levi rode the horse up next to Erwin and Erwin glanced over to them.

“Our best bet may be to head to the trees. We can’t put up much of a fight out here.” Levi said to Commander Erwin.

“No. We continue to the wall.” The Commander said sternly.

Lilly looked back and saw as one soldier was slapped off his horse and another grabbed and lifted into the air. She gasped and buried her face in Levi’s back once more.  
They had been riding in the very middle of the line while Lilly’s friends had been riding up ahead led by Hange. But now Levi was slowing his horse so the soldiers in the back could catch up. They were nearing the back of the line, getting even closer to the titans. 

Lilly trembled knowing she that was in a vulnerable state, just meters away from a titan’s grasp once again.

“They’re about to be right on top of us, and look there’s more coming from the West. We will be out numbered.” Jean said from behind them.

“Kirstein, ride up ahead.” Levi ordered him.

“Sir!” Jean nodded after glancing at Lilly.

He rode his horse faster to catch up with everyone else. Now it was just Lilly, Levi and the wagon carrying the dead with a few soldiers behind them.

Lilly heard screams from soldiers being eaten behind them. She gripped onto Levi harder as she tried to block out the sounds. There was nothing she could do to help in this condition, and she felt guilt tearing at her.

She just wanted it all to end.

“We will go out and distract them.” A soldier said from the wagon beside them.  
Lilly opened her eyes to see two soldiers on the edge of the wagon with their blades readied.

“Don’t bother. Do you know how many we’ve lost already? Dump the bodies.” Levi commanded.

“But sir-“

“These aren’t special. Dump them. Consider it their last service to humanity.” Levi said.

“Are we doing this?! We can’t seriously be doing this!” The other soldier said as he grabbed a body.

“I’m sorry, there is just no other way!” The other soldier replied as he stepped to the edge of the wagon.

Lilly watched as they dumped out the first body that went tumbling out behind them. Lilly gasped and turned her face away. It was horrible to see. These scout’s families would have no body to mourn over.

Nothing.

And to see these bodies of the brave be thrown out to the titans made her sick to her stomach. There really wasn’t any way.

Was it her fault for silently complaining to herself about having to ride next to this wagon filled with dead bodies? And now the bodies were being tossed out like garbage.

Or was this all just bad luck?

“Don’t look.” Levi told her.

But she didn’t listen. 

And she regretted it as she saw Petra’s body get thrown over. Her bloodstained face and ginger hair glowing in the sun before it rolled off.

“Dammit!” Lilly spat as she threw her face into Levi’s back again. He had seen what she had just seen too. Lilly saw the agony in his eyes before he turned his head forward again. 

But sure enough the titans slowed down behind them and went after the bodies.

“That’s it! We are losing them!” The soldier called out.

Lilly didn’t speak the rest of the ride to the camp they had set up. She kept her mouth shut and her eyes tightly closed. She was in shock. Her mind could no longer process the amount of loss that was suffered that day. Levi had helped her down from his horse without a word himself. She just sat in the grass, feeling the tiny blades in her hands. Every once in a while, she’d tug out a bunch and throw it into the breeze. Levi sat besides her with one knee bent watching her silently.

Her eyes wandered over to where April and Ben sat together, leaning against each other. Then over to Mikasa who wouldn’t leave Eren’s side. Jean was sitting and frowning with Armin. No one was speaking. It was quiet and uncomfortable and her muscles and her head throbbed.

Then Levi stood from beside her and walked over to where a soldier stood alone crying on the other side of the camp, far from everyone else. The one who had carried the body of his friend back but lost it to the titans. Lilly watched as Levi gave him a patch that was torn off of a jacket and said something to him before walking away to the opposite side of the camp to where Erwin was. Lilly looked back down at the grass in her hands.

A lady bug crawled up onto her finger and she lifted it to her face to look at it closer.

Her father had always told her they were good luck.

She scoffed to herself and the little insect flew away into the air. She watched as it disappeared in the distance and wrapped her arms around her knees. She rested her head against her kneecaps and thought silently to herself.

Was all of this worth it? 

Seeing and experiencing all this pain and suffering. It hurt her and she hadn’t even lost anyone extremely close to her like the others had. What would she do if she finally did lose someone that was especially close to? April? Ben? Conny? Levi? Jean? Her parents?

Did she even have a right to feel upset now? Levi had lost his entire squad and he hadn’t said anything even once. 

Should she be worried?

Maybe he’d talk when he was ready....

Then Lilly looked as two boots stood in front of her. Levi looked down at her.

“You know you probably shouldn’t be walking around so much on that.” Lilly said to him as she nodded to his busted ankle.

“Don’t concern yourself with that.” He said as he sat down beside her with his arm against hers. He leaned in and held a freshly picked daisy in front of her.

“Captain, I didn’t realize that you picked flowers.” Lilly smirked.

“It’s for you, idiot. I saw it on my way back over here.” He said as Lilly smiled weakly and took it from him.

“Thank you.” Lilly said as she brought it to her nose leaning against him slightly more. She rested her head on his shoulder and glanced up at him.

“I’m sorry.” Lilly said softly.

“For what?” He asked as he shifted his boot in the grass.

“For your loss. I’m sorry.” Lilly said looking away.

Levi was silent and took in a deep breath.

He didn’t want to talk about it right then obviously, so she left it alone. She wasn’t going to pry or make him feel uncomfortable. The wound was still fresh. But she hoped in time, he’d open up and let her be there for him.

“Move out everyone. Next destination is Karanes and then back to headquarters! We have a long night ahead of us!” Erwin shouted before turning to mount his horse.  
 

 

*LEVI POV*  
 

Levi stood and helped Lilly up slowly before silently lifting her back up onto his horse. He was well aware of how painful a set of broken ribs could be, so he tried his best to be careful of her. He looked up at her and watched as she frowned looking down at her hands.

She’d seen a lot that day. 

The first mission was always hard on new recruits. The ones who made it back anyways.

“You’ve eaten enough, right? Don’t want you passing out or something.” Levi said as he climbed up in front of her.

“I’ll be fine.” Lilly answered.

It was getting darker now.

He felt as she wrapped her arms around his middle again as he began to direct the horse forward.

It was going to be a long night.

Crickets started chirping and fireflies flew around them as they traveled cautiously through the night. Levi noticed one firefly fly past his face and then felt it land on his shoulder. He tried to shake it off, but Lilly reached her hand out and captured it before reaching back around to cup it below his face.

He didn’t say anything as he glanced down at the tiny bug glowing in her hands. He felt his lips start to curl into a small smile until the stupid thing flew up into his eye.

It had startled him and he quickly swatted it away with his hand. Lilly let out a muffled giggle as he regained his composure.

“Quiet, brat. Always picking up bugs.” Levi muttered.  
And it was true. She was always picking up little bugs.

 

But he didn’t hate it.  
 

 

...............  
 

 

Eventually they could see the gate to Karanes in the distance. He looked up at the stars scattered by the millions, and was reminded of that night he, Isabelle, and Farlan had stared up into a sky just as brilliant as this one.

“It’s beautiful up there.” Lilly said.

Levi looked back down and then brought his hand over her’s without a word.

Soon the bells rang as they approached and the gate opened, allowing them inside. The streets were full of civilians waiting for their loved ones.

But of course, there were always those who came to criticize as well.

Many people mumbled and soon enough frantic cries started filling the lantern lit streets as the civilians realized that only a small number of the scouts who left had returned.

“Am I miscalculating or are there fewer than when they left?” A man mumbled.

“No, there’s a lot fewer.”

“Must have been a failed mission. Why are we funding them anymore?”

“Wasted tax money. What are they even accomplishing?”

“Disgrace.”

He felt Lilly sit up straight behind him after hearing that.

“Don’t.” Levi said.

But more people continued to bash them as they rode silently through the crowd. He felt her get uncomfortable behind him. He knew she wanted to say something. 

They all did.

“How could they say these things? It’s so wrong. We just fought and died for them.” Lilly whispered to Levi.

“They are ignorant. They have no idea what it’s like out there, nor do they fully understand our cause. Not everyone is this way. Don’t get so worked up over this shit.” Levi said.

Lilly was silent after listening to his words.

Levi became incredibly still and tense himself as they passed by the crowd.

It was difficult for him to take his own advice.

Seeing these families realize their loved one had been killed, and that they weren’t coming home.

Being belittled on their way back home from such a traumatic experience.

Father’s, husbands, sisters, brothers, sons and daughters.

He was always there to witness the looks on their faces when the painful truth had dawned on them.

 

Those were the things he wished he could forget.

 

..................  
 

 

*Lilly POV*  
   
It was a silent ride to headquarters. Lilly dozed off here and there, but mostly had remained awake as she kept her face pressed against Levi’s back. Listening to his heart beat through his back along with the chirping of crickets soothed her.

Once they passed through the headquarters gate, they rode to the stable where Levi helped Lilly down and brought his horse inside. Lilly started to walk away to head to the showers and then she heard Levi from behind her.

“Hey. Lilly.” He called to her.

She spun around and looked up at him with tired eyes. She felt like she could hardly stand at this point.

“Captain?” She asked.

“After you shower, head to see Hange for your injury.” He said as he removed his cloak and folded it over his arm.

“It’s late. I really don’t know if I can keep my eyes open much longer.” Lilly said.

“You don’t know how serious your injury is, it’s best to take care of it now.” Levi said as he reached out to her, pulling her closer to him.

He tucked a loose piece of her hair behind her ear before pressing a small kiss to the top of her head.

“Go. You smell like shit.” He said before letting go of her and turning to head off and get cleaned himself.

Lilly chuckled quietly to herself as she made her way to the shower room.

When she entered, she saw it was filled with other women taking showers themselves. Great. She’d have to wait for a stall to free up. Then she spotted April who was leaned against the wall waiting her turn with a towel draped over her arm. She tossed another one at Lilly as they waited.

“Can I be honest.” April asked without looking at Lilly as the both stared forward.

“Yup.” Lilly replied plainly.

“The Survey Corps fucking sucks.” April said.

Lilly smirked as she continued to look forward.

“After today, I agree with that. Makes you wonder when it will be our turn to go.” Lilly said.

“Not yet. I can tell you that much. I have Ben I still need to marry. I have my parents back at home waiting on me. I’m going to build a life.” April said as she stepped forward to take a stall that had freed up. She closed the door behind her and threw her clothes to hang over the door.

Lilly was quiet as she took the stall next to April.

She stripped down once inside the stall and noticed dark splotchy bruises forming over her lower ribs. Hopefully she’d heal soon. But she definitely wouldn’t be training for a bit. 

All she wanted to do was lay in bed anyways.

She thoroughly scrubbed her hair clean with a plain old bar of soap. She didn’t feel like going to her room to retrieve her body oil that she usually used. She was far too exhausted and while she scrubbed herself clean, she even contemplated not stopping by to see Hange, even though Levi told her to.

Hange had to have been wiped out herself.

Lilly let the hot water run over her sore muscles as she closed her eyes. She could have stood there forever under that steaming water as it soothed her aches.

She then reached out and turned off the water and wrapped her towel around her.

“I’ll see you in the room later April, I have to go see Hange. Goodnight if you’re asleep by the time I get back.” Lilly said through the stall door.

“Alright, hope she fixes you up. Goodnight.” April said from her shower.

Lilly went into her room and grabbed a pair of clean pants and a shirt and quickly slipped them on. She didn’t bother putting on a bra because soon as she got back, she was heading straight to bed.

Lilly headed outside which was quiet now. Not one person was out. She made her way across the road and over to Hange’s office. She knocked on the wooden door softly.

“Come in!” Hange called.

Lilly slowly entered the room to see Hange bandaging up   
Levi’s injured ankle. He had already showered and put on casual clothes. Just black pants and a black long sleeve shirt.

“Take a look at her ribs would you, shit glasses?” Levi nodded to Lilly.

“Of course. Come sit Lilly.” Hange smiled as she patted the seat next to Levi.

Lilly made her way over to the seat and carefully sat down. She looked around at the office and noticed what a disorganized mess it was. Papers and books scattered everywhere. But Hange was a busy woman, and who was Lilly to judge how she ran her office. Hange got some serious work done.

“Lift your shirt a bit.” Hange asked as she adjusted her glasses.

Lilly slowly reached down and lifted her shirt just below her breasts, revealing the dark bruises that spread over her ribs.

“This might hurt a bit, I’m sorry.” Hange said as she gently pressed her fingers over each of Lilly’s ribs. Lilly hissed as Hange went over the bottom two.

“Careful idiot, don’t make it any worse.” Levi said to Hange as he leaned forward to watch what she was doing.

Hange ignored him.

“Well the bottom two are fractured, not completely broken. I’ll wrap you up, just be careful and take it easy. You’re lucky you’re as petite as you are. That actually saved you from sustaining more damage.” Hange chuckled.

“Well good to know.” Lilly winced as Hange wrapped her midsection up with a bandage roll.

“There. You two are all set. Go to bed now, and sleep in. Seriously, sleep as long as you need. Training is off for the next week. We are delivering patches of the fallen to their families in the meantime and filling out reports. It’s not going to be an easy week for anyone.” Hange said with a frown as she tossed the wrap roll onto a metal tray on her side table before turning away to exit the room.

Lilly and Levi both stood up left the office side by side. Lilly was so tired, she could hardly walk straight. She kept bumping into Levi as she walked lazily to the barracks.

“Go get some sleep.” Levi said quietly as they stood outside the door.

“You too. Three drops.” Lilly said.

“What?” Levi asked.

“The tincture.” Lilly said.

“Right. We will see.” Levi said in a still doubtful tone.

“Make it 4 drops.” Lilly said followed by a yawn.

Lilly stepped forward and place her hand on his chest and she looked up at him.

“I’m sorry for today.” Lilly paused so she could choose her words carefully. “Know when you mourn, you don’t have to do it alone.” Lilly said quietly.

Levi sighed and looked away.

“They laid down their lives to protect Eren. There’s no point in looking back. It won’t bring them back. At the end of the day all we can do is live and carry out their will, and make sure their deaths weren’t in vain. We will catch whoever is responsible for the lives taken today.” He paused and took in a breath. “I’ll be okay.” Levi said before looking back down to her.

Lilly nodded.

He was obviously hiding his feelings. Why couldn’t he know it was okay to not be okay? It was okay to hurt. It was okay to talk about it. 

But she wouldn’t force him.

Lilly brushed her thumb against his face gently before turning away to open the barracks door.

“Goodnight Captain. Rest well.” Lilly said quietly before shutting the door behind her.


	25. Die Nacht Ist Lang

The sound of thunder woke Lilly up. She sat up frantically looking around her, and then winced at her ribs.

What time was it?

"April?" Lilly called out.

The room was silent. She carefully got up out of bed and looked up in the bunk above hers. Empty. Lilly looked over to the wooden clock on the wall. It was already noon. April must have gone to the Mess Hall for lunch already. Lilly walked over to the window and watched as the rain came down. It was very grey and gloomy out and condensation steamed up the window as she breathed against it. Lilly reached down and picked up her hairbrush from the windowsill and brushed lightly through her hair while continuing to gaze out the window. She grabbed a clean tan jacket and slid it over her shirt and quietly left her room.

Once outside, Lilly made it a point to run quickly to the Mess Hall to avoid getting drenched again, but that didn't work very well. When she opened the door and entered, the amount of soldiers that were inside eating had noticeably decreased. It was quieter, and there wasn't as much chatter.

Everyone was still obviously traumatized from the previous day.

Lilly grabbed a plate before sitting in her spot with April and Ben who had sat alone at their table.

"It's about time you woke up." April said.

"I don't think I've ever slept so solidly." Lilly said as she rubbed her eyes.

"So where's the Captain?" April asked Lilly.

Lilly looked around to see that his whole table was vacant, except Hange. She chewed her apple and swallowed.

"I don't know. Maybe still sleeping? I gave him that tincture." Lilly said.

"Thats probably why. He's usually here for every meal. But sleeping until noon is a bit excessive, don't you think?" April asked.

"Well I'm sure he's busy." Lilly said before sipping her water.

She stared down at the fruit and vegetables at her plate and sighed.

"Hey Lilly, morning." Jean said as he sat beside her.

"Morning. You rest well?" Lilly asked him.

"Not really. Yesterday is still on my mind." Jean frowned as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"I feel you on that bud." Ben said as he stared down at his untouched food.

"Well if anyone has trouble sleeping, Lilly is your girl." April said.

Lilly looked over to the empty table where Levi used to sit with his squad, and she could almost picture them all still sitting there. She frowned before standing up with her plate.

"Lilly, I have to talk to you later. So come see me alright?" April said while gazing at Lilly with a frown.

"Of course. Is everything okay?" Lilly asked with worry in her voice.

"Yeah, Yeah. Everything is fine." April said.

"Okay, good to hear. We can talk in the room later tonight if you want." Lilly gave her a smile.

April fiddled with her brown hair nervously as Ben looked at her with suspicion.

 

...........

 

Lilly had eaten what she could. 

She really didn't have much of an appetite at the moment. 

That was the hardest part of being a soldier.

Sometimes you had to act like a machine, just so you could carry on and do your job.

Continue to lay down your life for the rest of humanity.

Armin was right about that. She found herself trying to burry her feelings she had now, trying to smother them out like a flame before she caught fire and crumbled into dust and ash. 

Weak and weightless. 

Easily carried away by the wind.

Trying to be strong and collected.

Is that what strength was now? Not feeling? Is that what made a perfect soldier?

Being numb?

Losing their humanity?

Is this what Levi struggled with before her eyes everyday?

"I'll see you guys around." Lilly said.

"Are you going to go check on him?" April asked.

"Yeah, briefly. I was going to check to see if my parents wrote to me yet also." Lilly replied.

"Well let me know if that tincture ended up knocking his ass out. Maybe he will be in a better mood after resting for once." April said as she raised her cup to her lips.

Lilly nodded before placing her plate on the counter and leaving the mess hall quietly.

She made her way through the rain, trying to avoid any puddles. Thunder sounded in the distance again as she came to the Captain's office door. She lifted her fist and knocked against the wood but there was no reply. She knocked one more time and still no answer. She lifted her hand to the brass knob and turned it to find it was unlocked. 

She let herself in and closed the door behind her. 

When she turned around, Levi was passed out face down on his desk on top of all his report papers. The tincture bottle was sitting on the edge of his desk. 

She smiled to herself and quietly crept across the wooden floor to his fireplace which was just starting to go out. She stirred the logs a bit and got the fire going again before setting the tea kettle over it. She turned around and quietly walked over to his desk and stood over him. She watched as he slept quietly on his paperwork.

She should probably wake him. 

He appeared to have a lot of work to do, and it was well into the day already.

She slowly reached her hand out and gently rubbed the smooth skin of the back of his neck, then trailing her fingers up his shaved nape, feeling the stubble against her fingertips. She ran her fingers up to his black hair, moving it out of his sleeping face. He slowly started to awaken under her touch, dark eyelashes fluttering open lazily. He inhaled quietly as his striking steel eyes landed on her.

 

He then slowly sat up to stretch.

 

 

*Levi POV*

 

How long was he sleeping for? 

He remembered feeling completely miserable and alone while he sat at his desk the previous night after getting back in. The faces of his dead squad members had burned into his memory like a hot iron. 

He couldn't take the torment anymore. He couldn't take the realization that he was completely alone again. Alone in his office, alone in his thoughts. This was why he never let anyone in. 

He never let anyone get too close in fear that they'd just get ripped away. That's how it always worked without fail. His beautiful mother had died in that dark room with him in it. Kenny left him too soon after he had found him in the brothel.

Isabelle, Farlan.

Now his squad after countless others.

They wouldn't be the last.

He'd worn a mask. He'd become cold. Sometimes completely numb. 

Because life was all about surviving for him.

It always was.

He had glanced at the tincture bottle on his desk and remembered.

Lilly. 

But she changed everything.

The first time he saw her, he felt something move in him. The more he got to know her, the less he started to recognize what he thought he had known about himself. She brought change along with that brilliant smile, her innocence, and the way she got distracted by any fucking thing that moved.

She looked up into his eyes like he meant something.

He had thought he'd lost her too.

Without the chance of getting to say or do any of the things he wished he had to her. 

He had been afraid of what could happen to her, and how he'd feel if he'd lost her. 

But when he saw her alive, stumbling towards him with the sun burning a brilliant shade of red behind her, he knew right then and there that he'd start living.

Not just surviving.

He had kissed her like he'd been wanting to. And now he found himself never wanting to let that go. It had awakened something inside of him. Something that made him feel that even if the world was burning and crumbling around him, he wanted her there with him for it, and she'd make it feel okay.

He didn't want to be alone anymore.

And here she was reminding him again.

He needed the light that she carried with her everywhere she went. He needed her light in this dark and cruel world, and he'd protect her at all costs if it meant keeping her around, just so she could always remind him.

He wouldn't lose her.

He finished stretching and then leaned back in his chair silently as Lilly stood next to him smiling.

"So Captain. Was that three drops or four?" Lilly asked with a smug grin on her face.

"Tch." He rolled his eyes at her and reached out for her, pulling her to sit in his lap, her legs draped over one arm of his chair as he pulled her in close to him. He rested his chin against her head and sighed.

"I should thank you." He said to her.

"For what?" She asked.

"For giving me one of the best nights of sleep in a very long time." He said as he looked down into her light blue eyes.

How was it that one glance from this woman made him feel like he was melting inside?

He watched as a lovely shade of pink graced her cheeks as she gazed at him from his arms. He then started to feel dampness being transferred from her jacket to his shirt.

Her jacket was soaked from the rain.

He frowned as he saw small puddles across his floor and looked back at her.

"You're soaked. And you left water all over my floor." He said to her.

"I'll clean it." Lilly said quietly as she began to remove her jacket and rose up out of his lap.

He paused as she stood up. She must have been uncomfortable.

"That reminds me, your mother packed you some clothes in that bag you gave me. I forgot to give it back to you the other day." Levi said to her as he watched her stand.

"Oh yes. The dresses. Not that I'll ever get a chance to wear one anytime soon." Lilly said as she walked across the room to grab a mop from his cabinet.

"Well you're soaked. Why don't you change into one while these clothes you are wearing dry. I'm catching a cold just looking at you." Levi said as he leaned back in his chair.

How could she bare to have those wet cold clothes clinging to her like that? The very thought made him cringe.

Lilly started mopping the floor up and sighed.

"I don't know. Wouldn't it be weird if I were wearing a dress and someone came in here?" Lilly asked.

"Tch. No one is coming in here to bother me today. I've got too much paperwork to fill out. A lot of paperwork I really don't feel like doing. I'd prefer if no one interrupted me anyways." Levi said in a low tone.

He looked up to see Lilly frowning.

"Obviously I don't mind you here. If someone knocks, I'll tell them to go away. That was the plan before you came to wake me up anyways." He said as he stood.

He slowly walked over to his door that led to his sleeping quarters up stairs. He watched as Lilly finished mopping and put the mop back in his cleaning cabinet.

"What about Erwin, are you going to tell him to go away?" Lilly asked as she approached him.

"Lilly, do you see me in uniform? We are both injured and off duty. It really must have been a long time since you've worn normal clothes if you're acting this paranoid." He said as he carefully climbed up the stairs leading to his quarters.

Lilly cautiously followed behind him and stopped in the doorway of his room. He watched as her eyes studied the room and glanced back to him. He walked over to his bed and grabbed the cloth bag from the end of it and handed it to her.

"You can change up here. I'm going to start my reports down in my office." Levi said as he brushed his knuckles against her soft hand as he walked past her and slowly headed back downstairs.

 

..........

 

*LILLY POV*

 

Lilly felt strange being in the Captain's room.

It almost felt wrong.

 

She looked around before walking over to his bed that seemed hardly ever used. It was neatly made, not a wrinkle or fold in the blanket. The pillows were placed neatly and straight, and not a speckle of dust was in sight. She looked up to see a bookshelf against the wall with many books placed neatly on it, organized by size. Next to the bookcase was a closet that hung several uniform jackets and dress shirts. His dress shirts ranged from white, grey and black.

She returned her attention to her bag and removed the clothing inside. Two dresses and a night gown. One dress had been a simple white one, the other a more intricate pale blue dress. 

She decided she'd go with the simpler white one since she'd only be wearing it for a short time anyways.

She removed her wet clothes before slipping into the white dress. It's neck line was lower than what she had been wearing all these years. It almost made her feel too exposed, although in reality, the neckline really wasn't all that revealing. She was so used to wearing a button up shirt all the way to the collar that this felt incredibly strange for her. The hem of the dress only touched her knees, making her feel cold. The dress came in around her waist, accentuating the curves that had been hidden the past few years. She walked over to a mirror across the room that had been perfectly cleaned. She glanced at herself and her mouth hung open.

She looked like a normal woman.

Had she stayed back at home, her belly would have been swollen with that aristocrat’s child by now.

She reached up and touched her pale collarbone that was now revealed and she swallowed. She then turned her attention to another door that was attached to his room. She already saw the closet, so what else could be attached to his room? She slowly walked over to the door, with the floorboards creaking underneath her. She reached out to the handle and slowly opened the door.

Inside there was a bathing basin.

The Captain took baths?

The more she thought about it, the more it made sense. She could totally picture him taking a bath. She sighed as she gazed at the tub lustfully. She'd been taking nothing but plain old showers the past few years. She hadn't taken a proper bath in a long time.

She supposed that was a luxury you got to have as a commanding officer in the military. Lilly carefully shut the door and turned around and carefully treaded the floor to make her way back to the stairs. She carefully stepped down the stairs with her petite bare feet, holding her wet riding boots in her hands, being careful not to transfer any remaining water to her dress. When she stopped at the bottom of the stairs, she saw Levi was quietly leaned over his paperwork writing with a stack of scout patches on his desk next to him.

She quietly made her way past his desk and walked across the office to put her boots in front of the fireplace. Hopefully they'd dry quickly so she could leave him to his work. She heard his chair creak and she turned her gaze upon him as she stood in front of the warmth of fire.

He had sat up in in chair and was just staring at her. It made her feel self conscious as his icy stare measured her up and down. She already felt uncomfortable wearing this thing, and he was just staring at her, making her feel worse. She looked away and rubbed her arm with one hand awkwardly.

"When my clothes dry, I'll leave you alone to work. I know you're really busy and you've got a lot on your mind." Lilly said quietly. "I just wanted to come check in on you is all." She added as she looked up at him with big eyes.

He quietly stood up from his seat and walked over to stand in front of her. He looked down at her and raised his hand to cup her face, rubbing his thumb against her fair cheek.

"Don't go." He said quietly.

"Are you sure you don't want to be alone-"

"I don't want to be alone." He said before pulling her in against his strong chest, wrapping his arms around her shoulders.

There was something in his voice that hinted at the loneliness he truly must have felt. She closed her eyes as her face was pressed against him. She felt him take in a deep breath, that almost sounded pained. It felt like he was carrying a lot of built up emotion inside of him, just by the way he felt around her. He slowly dropped his arms before turning to take the tea kettle off the fire.

"Sit, I'll pour you a cup." He said as he walked across the floor to his desk.

Lilly grabbed two cups off his table and followed him to his desk where she sat with her legs crossed. She gently flattened the smooth fabric across her pale thighs. A chill ran over her skin as a small draft from the window entered the room. A flash of lightning and the loud roar of thunder startled Lilly.

She found she had become particularly jumpy since she had been grabbed by that titan. She looked up at the cup in front of her as Levi filled it with steaming black tea.

"Thank you." She said politely.

"You're welcome." He said as he sat down in his chair and glanced over at the stack of patches.

Lilly watched as he stared blankly at them for a couple minutes before she reached her hand out to his, gently brushing her fingertips against his rough knuckles. His hands had many little scars on them, some fresh bruises here and there as well. 

Without thinking, she turned his hand over to reveal his palm to her. She traced the fine lines of his hands with her delicate finger tips, feeling the warmth radiate from them. When he moved in his chair, she glanced up at him. He was watching her closely.

"Is there anything I can do to help you?" Lilly asked from her creaky wooden seat.

Levi sighed and lifted his ink pen again.

"Don't stop." He said to her as he looked down at their hands silently.

Lilly looked down at his hand in hers for a moment and looked back at him. Her touch must have been comforting to him right now. He really must not have had real human touch in years if ever. The closer she got to him, the more she could tell how damaged he really must have been. It's like he hid everything behind this stone wall, to keep everyone out.

He was protecting himself.

But now after he suffered this loss of his squad members, the wall was crumbling for her. He needed the comfort, he needed the touch. He needed the distraction now as he sat at his desk writing death reports with bloodied scout patches sitting next to him, haunting him.  
She slowly started making little circles in his palm and he returned his attention back to his reports.  
He had become relaxed.

 

............

 

A couple hours had past and Lilly's bottom was getting sore from sitting still so long. 

She was never one to sit still very long, and this had driven her mother nearly mad. But she suffered through it for Levi anyways.

She had sat quietly as he got through a quarter of his paperwork. He finally sat up from his chair, letting go of her hand and stretching his lean body.

"I need to take a leak." He said plainly before turning to make his way up his stairs.

Lilly stood up herself and stretched after he had gone up. She walked over to the window and looked outside as the rain fell. She traced her fingertips over the raindrops that fell down the window and rested her head against the cool glass.

She stood there for a few minutes, resting her eyes. 

She hoped her parents had written to her. Though she wouldn't have been offended if they hadn't. Maybe it'd be best for her to write them first, letting them know she had returned safely.   
They'd be relieved to get that news.

"You're going to leave marks on my glass." Levi said as he stood behind her.

She quickly turned around and faced him, heart pounding.

"You startled me." Lilly said as her chest rose quickly with each breath.

"You're awfully jumpy, aren't you." Levi said as he stepped towards her.

"I know." Lilly said as she looked down with embarrassment. "But I didn't hear you come down the stairs." Lilly said as she glanced back up at him.

"Didn't mean to frighten you." Levi leaned in, his lips hovering over her cheek.

"You're light on your feet Captain." Lilly said softly.

Lilly stared at his lips as he pulled away, silently begging for him to press them against her mouth like he had the day before when they first saw each other again.

After they thought they may have lost one another.

It had been her first kiss but she was hungry for more.

"It's useful." He replied in a low tone.

She reached out and grabbed the collar of his black shirt, and he looked down at her curiously. She carefully stood on her tip toes and slowly tilted her head and pressed her lips against his, and he eagerly returned the kiss.

Lightning flashed behind her as her back was pressed against the window.

She tilted her head up and kissed his warm bottom lip again while pulling him closer to her. His solid chest was pressed tightly against hers as they kissed slowly and passionately. He reached around her tiny waist and pulled her in as he rested his forehead against her's. They stood there quietly like that with their eyes closed, just breathing together.

"What does this mean for us?" Lilly whispered, a hint of fear lingering in her voice.

He reached his hand up and held it against the side of her face gently as he continued to rest his forehead against hers.

"It means whatever we want it to mean." Levi said.

"Will we get in trouble for this?" Lilly asked softly.

"I think Erwin suspects. He hasn't said anything to me. And his word is the only word I have to give a shit about." Levi replied to her.

"But the rumors..." Lilly said.

"Fuck the rumors." He said quietly.

"They called me a whore." Lilly whispered.

"You're not." He said.

"But you're a Commanding officer and I'm your subordinate-"

"I said you're not." He cut her off.

She was quiet for a moment as they stood holding each other as the thunder roared outside. She'd never been in a relationship before. Was she capable of being a good soldier and a good lover at the same time? Was it even truly possible?

"I've never been in a relationship before." Lilly admitted quietly.

"I've never been in a real one myself." Levi replied.

"But nothing could ever come of this could it?" Lilly asked, now looking him in the eyes. She was hoping for an honest answer, yet she only wanted to hear him say one thing.

"I can't answer that. I don't know what could happen to either of us." He answered in a low tone.

Lilly frowned in his hand.

"I'll always do what I can to protect you. Always, I can promise you that. But I can't promise you a normal life that would eventually come if things went smoothly. A marriage. A home. Children." He said looking deep into her eyes.

She was silent as she stared at him. He was being blunt. She respected that.

"Knowing these things, I give you the choice to continue this or not." Levi said.

Lilly sighed and looked down.

"At first, I joined the military to find myself. To gain the strength and protection that I was always told only a man could give to me. To travel and see more of this world. And to be my own person. But I joined, I got strong, and I successfully reached most of my goals. And then I found you. And you helped me discover a part of myself I never thought resonated inside of me. And I don't want to let go of you, or the happiness you've given me Captain. I want you." Lilly said as she raised her hand to his jawline.

He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath.

"Stop calling me by my honorific when we are alone. You sound ridiculous." He said before grabbing a fistful of her hair and pulling her against his lips hungrily.

He pulled away and looked her in the eyes.

 

"Just call me Levi."


	26. Nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, this is a shorter chapter. The next few are being edited now and should be up soon. Also thanks for your continuous encouragement and support. As always, it means a lot.

"Are you hungry?" Levi stood from his desk and pushed in his chair.

 

Lilly glanced over to the clock that was hanging on his wall. It was about supper time now. Six o'clock. Though if she was being honest, she still didn't have much of an appetite.

 

"It would be good for you to try and eat something." Levi said in a low tone as he walked over to the fireplace where Lilly's clothes were drying.

 

Lilly stared at him blankly, admiring the way the fire lit his features in the most flattering way.

 

"These are dry. Go change." Levi said as he grabbed the clothes and treaded the floor to where Lilly was standing and handed them to her.

 

Lilly glanced down at the clothes and then gave him a small smile.

 

...........

 

 

 

Lilly and Levi walked outside together in the light mist of the rain. It had died down significantly, and the lightning had subsided completely. In the distance they could see scouts flooding into the Mess Hall entrance, eager to eat their next meal.

 

When they finally reached the entrance themselves, Levi held the door open for Lilly quietly.

 

"Thank you." She said softly as she entered the building.

 

Once inside, she couldn't help but notice Ben was sitting alone, and he looked very glum.

 

Where was April?

 

Lilly walked up to the table where he sat and placed her hand on it as she gazed down at him. His dark chestnut brown hair was disheveled, his mouth in a deep frown.

 

"Ben, is everything okay? Where is April?" She asked.

 

He looked up at her with his dark eyes and shook his head.

 

"I don't know. She's been acting weird. I chalked it up to her still being upset about the mission yesterday, but she won't really talk to me. She's hardly eaten and I just saw her a couple hours ago after lunch and she avoided me." He said quietly.

 

"Maybe she's feeling ill. I'm sure she will come around soon enough. Don't worry... That girl loves you...And she has for a long time." Lilly said quietly.

 

He looked down at his food and sighed.

 

"She will talk to you when she's ready. Everything is okay." Lilly added.

 

Just then Jean slid over to the table and sat across from Ben. He looked up at both Lilly and Ben and then paused.

 

"Where's April? Why the long face Ben?" Jean asked.

 

Ben smirked and looked up at Jean. Lilly knew Ben couldn't help himself. Poor Jean.

 

"I could ask you the same thing." Ben said with a wide grin.

 

"Oh piss off." Jean said in an annoyed tone.

 

"But to answer your question, April is just acting off." Ben replied, a frown slowly returning to his face.

 

"Women." Jean muttered.

 

Lilly felt a hand on the back of her shoulder and she turned around. Levi was standing there holding two cups of tea. He silently handed her one before turning and going to sit at his table with Hange.

 

She held the warm cup in her hands as she watched him walk away. That was thoughtful of him. She smiled softly as she brought the tea to her lips, and watched as he sat down, giving her one last glance before turning to Hange who had gotten his attention.

 

"So are you guys actually together now?" Ben's voice came back from behind her.

 

She turned back around to see both him and Jean staring at her, awaiting an answer. She looked down at her tea as the steam rose off it.

 

"I think so." Lilly replied quietly.

 

"You guys aren't gonna get in trouble for that are you?" Jean asked, now looking away with a scowl on his face.

 

"I'm sure Erwin would have said something by now. They've been pretty obvious. It's honestly been painful to watch. Like two old people trying to flirt. Real slow and awkward." Ben laughed into his cup.

 

"Wow. Thanks Ben." Lilly laughed as she turned to walk to where Levi sat.

 

"Oh hey Lilly, take a seat." Hange smiled.

 

Lilly sat besides Levi with her tea quietly.

 

"I was just telling Levi here about the Commander's new plans to set up one supply base every week from Karanes to Shiganshina since we unfortunately did not have the chance to do so. We are taking baby steps so we can eventually gain a secure route." Hange said.

 

"Who will be going?" Lilly asked.

 

"The best soldiers we have mostly, we suffered a huge loss of our new recruits yesterday. There may be some shift in who goes and who stays, but Erwin is in charge of picking." Hange said.

 

"So when is the first one?" Lilly asked.

 

"Next week. Too bad you won't be able to come, Huh Levi? Looks like you'll be out of action for a while." Hange elbowed his arm.

 

"Yeah, sure I'll be missing out." Levi said in a bored tone as he sipped his tea.

 

"I wouldn't be surprised if Erwin sent you out, Lilly." Hange said.

 

Levi's eyes shot up to Hange quickly.

 

"Don't be stupid. She's injured still." Levi said in a low tone.

 

"Well her ribs should heal soon. They're only fractured, not broken. We need her skill for support." Hange said.

 

Lilly watched as Levi huffed and then took another sip of his tea.

 

"But the most exciting news of all, is Erwin said I could capture another titan." Hange smiled wide.

 

"Yeah that's what we need. Another titan within these walls." Levi rolled his eyes.

 

"Levi, you know the experiments I perform help us obtain useful information about the titans. Even if they are small, it's better than nothing." Hange smirked and and adjusted her glasses.

 

"Yeah. I know. But I also have to listen to you go on about it. Maybe find another hobby on the side. Knitting or something. Anything." Levi said as he sat up straight in his seat.

 

Hange laughed before taking a bite of her sandwich and returning her eyes to her notepad with a smile on her face.

 

Lilly sighed as she frowned into her cup. She knew as soon as she healed, she'd be thrown back into titan territory. How many more would she witness die?

 

Would she die?

 

"Go grab your dinner. If you're going to get better, you'll need the nourishment." Levi said without looking at her.

 

"I'll probably grab something on my way out. I need to go speak with someone." Lilly said as she stood.

 

Levi didn't reply. He just nodded his head and returned his glance back down to his tea. She gave him a small smile before turning away.

 

She needed to go talk with April.

 

It was going to kill her if she didn't find out what was wrong soon.

 

......

 

On the way back to barracks, Lilly had stopped by the main office to see if her parents had written to her.

 

She hadn't received anything yet, so she grabbed an envelope and some paper so she could write them.

 

Once inside the barracks, Lilly heard quiet sobbing from her dorm. She quietly open the door and saw April laying in her bed.

 

"April? What's wrong?" Lilly asked worriedly as she quickly shut the door.

 

April continued to cry quietly in her pillow.

 

Lilly ran over to their bunk and quickly climbed up into April's bed. She laid down next to her and wrapped her arms around her best friend, pulling April's head against Lilly's chest. Tears from April's face soaked into Lilly's white shirt, but she didn't care. She stroked April's hair and shushed her softly.

 

"Tell me what's wrong. Ben is worried about you." Lilly said quietly.

 

April took a shuddering deep breath before speaking.

 

"I was supposed to get my period a week ago. I figured it was the stress of the expedition coming, but I started vomiting this morning. And my breasts..." April started crying again.

 

"April you're not saying..." Lilly paused.

 

"I'm with child." April whimpered.

 

Lilly's mouth hung open and she froze.

 

Holy shit. Oh no. Not good.

 

"April you can't stay here. What are you going to do? You need to tell Ben." Lilly said.

 

"I'm too afraid to tell anyone. I'm afraid to leave Ben here. I can't tell anyone yet. I just really need you both right now. I'm so scared." April cried into Lilly's chest.

 

"I'm here for you, but it's too dangerous to stay." Lilly said.

 

"I can't leave. Not yet." April said.

 

"You need to tell him at least." Lilly said.

 

"No. I can't yet. Not until I'm ready to leave. If I tell him, he will tell someone and have me removed right away. You can't tell anyone either! Especially your boyfriend. Captain Killjoy." April sat up.

 

Lilly paused for a moment staring up at April.

 

"Promise me." April said.

 

Lilly turned her head away.

 

"April, I can't. This is stupid-"

 

"Lilly, Please!" April sobbed.

 

Lilly stared at the floor quietly, feeling torn.

 

"Fine. But don't wait much longer." Lilly huffed as she sat up.

 

April wrapped her arms around Lilly tightly.

 

"I love you Lilly. Thank you." April said softly.

 

"I love you too. But I must say, I'm disappointed." Lilly said as she pulled away.

 

"I know, it was foolish of me." April said.

 

"No I mean, we promised we'd start families at the same time. Now you're off getting engaged and having a baby." Lilly said.

 

"I know. I'm sorry." April frowned.

 

"Hey. Its okay. That's the thing with life. You never know what will get thrown at you. We just have to make the best of what we have." Lilly said.

 

 

 

...............

 

 

 

A week had passed, and Lilly had still kept her promise. She hadn't told a soul about April. April had also started acting normal again and sitting at the table for all mealtimes with Ben. She was still constantly having morning sickness, and Lilly tried her best to give her the comfort that she could through it.

 

It was hard for her to actually believe her friend was having a baby. Would she get called auntie? Would it be a girl or a boy?

 

Although Lilly was happy for her friend, she couldn't help but feel saddened by the thought of her leaving.

 

Her and April had stuck together through everything. For years, April was by Lilly's side. And now it was all going to change.

 

"Hey. What's wrong?" Levi asked her from his desk, staring into her with his steely eyes.

 

Lilly looked up at him with a blank expression.

 

"What's wrong?" He asked again.

 

"Nothing. I'm okay." Lilly said softly.

 

Levi reached out his hand across his desk and Lilly gently placed her tiny hand in his.

 

Lilly had spent a lot of her time in the Captain's office while he worked. She had offered to leave a few times throughout the week, but he always objected. They often sat at his desk, exchanging innocent touches of the hands. Sometimes he'd kiss her cheek, and other times they'd share a short kiss before exiting his office. Things had been comfortable between them. She enjoyed the quiet time alone with him, and she enjoyed his comforting touch. She felt like them being together through this difficult time had made it easier.

 

And she hoped he felt the same.

 

Just then there was a knock on the door.

 

Lilly looked up at Levi and paused.

 

"Name and business." Levi called as he slowly let go of Lilly's hand.

 

"Erwin. May I enter?" He asked.

 

"Come in." Levi answered.

 

Erwin opened the door and came walking in. The sound of his boots drawing near filled the air. He took the seat next to Lilly in front of Levi's desk and looked up at Levi.

 

"I'm sorry Commander, do you want me to leave?" Lilly asked softly.

 

"No actually, I need to speak with you as well. Might as well kill two birds with one stone." Erwin said as he glanced at Lilly.

 

Lilly and Levi stared at the Commander, patiently waiting for him to speak on whatever it was he had come in for.

 

"As you both may know, the mission to set up the first supply base outside of Karanes is tomorrow morning." Erwin started.

 

Lilly nodded at Erwin quietly. She watched as he leaned forward in his chair, studying her. Levi stiffened in his seat just then.

 

"How are your ribs doing Lilly?" Erwin finally asked.

 

"They're better. Still slight discomfort here and there, but it's not as bad as it was." Lilly answered truthfully.

 

Erwin continued to study her with his bright blue eyes and then finally sat up.

 

"Then I'd like to have you take part as lead support in the mission tomorrow morning. We could really use your skill. I was told about what you did for your comrades last week. That is the kind of soldier I'm looking for." Erwin said confidently.

 

"She isn't even completely healed yet. Sure she's been walking around fine. But she hasn't been in ODM gear and making those types of movements." Levi spoke sternly.

 

"Levi, I was speaking to her, not you." Erwin said, authority heavy in his voice.

 

Lilly looked to Levi as he became quiet.

 

"Lilly, they leave at dawn. You will be led by Squad Leader Hange. You are dismissed." Erwin said as he nodded to her.

 

Lilly gave him a salute as she stood and began to turn away.

 

"Oh, before I forget. This letter came back from your parents." Erwin pulled out a cream colored envelope and handed it to Lilly.

 

Her eyes lit up as she took the letter from him and she smiled wide.

 

"Thank you Sir." Lilly said before glancing over to Levi who was frowning. She gave him a weak smile before turning and leaving his office.

 

 

 

..............

 

 

 

Our dear daughter,

 

We are so relieved to hear that you've returned safely. What a blessing you truly are. We are so proud of the woman you've become, even if things ended up differently than what we had initially hoped for. We hope to have you and that handsome young man back for tea again soon.

 

Stay safe.

 

We love you.

 

 

 

Lilly folded the letter and set it down beside her on the mattress.

 

"I'm leaving tomorrow morning on the supply base mission." Lilly said to April as she brushed through April's hair in their nightgowns.

 

April was quiet.

 

"What's wrong?" Lilly asked.

 

"Ben and I have also been assigned to that mission." April said.

 

Lilly dropped her brush.

 

"You can't go." Lilly said.

 

"Lilly, Ben is going and I need to be by his side through this." April said.

 

"Are you insane?! You need to tell someone right now." Lilly started to stand from her bunk.

 

If she told Levi, he'd be able to get April out of it.

 

"Lilly you promised!" April exclaimed.

 

"I can't keep this promise anymore. You need to tell Ben and you need to tell a commanding officer so we can have you sent home to continue your pregnancy safely. You cannot go on that mission." Lilly said sternly.

 

"Lilly-"

 

"Why haven't you told Ben?! He needs to know!" Lilly asked loudly.

 

A tear fell from April's eye. Lilly dropped her arms and sighed.

 

"I'm afraid the news of the pregnancy will distract him. That he will lose focus and something will go wrong while he's out. I just wanted to wait till after this one mission. I just can't stand the thought of losing him. Not right now. I can't right now. I need him to be here for this baby." April said quietly.

 

"You could die. You and the baby. This is so selfish and you're dragging me into it..." Lilly said in a low tone as she gazed down at April.

 

"My position is a safer one, and the base plot is not too far from the gate. I'm not support like you are." April compromised softly.

 

Lilly was quiet. She was fighting with herself on what she should do.

 

"Please Lilly. I promise to tell Ben and Erwin himself the day after tomorrow. Right in the morning. And I want you there by my side when I do." April said.

 

God Damn it.

 

Lilly held her arms quietly.

 

"Fine.....Fine. L-let's just go to bed. I can't talk about this anymore or my head will explode." Lilly muttered.

 

April kissed Lilly's cheek before quietly climbing up into her own bunk.

 

Lilly scowled to herself in her bed until she was finally able to close her eyes. Not too long after, she had drifted away into a dream.

 

It had started off as a sweet dream.

 

Her and Levi were alone in the clearing where he used to train her. Everything was vibrant, from the green grass to the blue sky. It all felt so real. Everything was alive around them. He had kissed her so softly, and it gave her beautiful little butterflies in her stomach.

 

But then he pulled away suddenly.

 

She reached out for him but he stood frozen. His skin went ice cold. It was hard as a rock. His eyes frozen on something behind her.

 

She pounded on his chest, trying to get him to wake up from this frozen state, but then a hand gripped around her waist and she screamed as she was lifted into the air. When she looked back down, she saw bodies littering the ground below her.

 

Levi.

 

April.

 

Ben.

 

Jean.

 

Her parents.

 

Missing limbs.

 

Covered in blood.

 

Then she was lifted up to a titan's mouth and slowly placed on it's tongue, and then she watched as it's teeth came crashing down on her torso.

 

She jolted upright in her bed as she awakened.

 

She panted heavily as her hair clung to her face and her neck. She tore her blanket off and climbed out of her bed. She was shaken with fear and shock, wide awake now.

 

It was 1:25 AM.

 

Would she be able to get over that damn titan? There was no way she could fall asleep now.

 

Maybe she could go make herself some tea in the Mess Hall. Maybe clean it a bit while she waited for her tea to boil.

 

Yeah. That was a good idea. Hopefully then she could tire herself out and get more rest before dawn.

 

 

 

Hopefully.


	27. Moonlight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilly tries to tire herself out so she can find some sleep before the base mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just another thank you for the sweet words you all give. <3

She quietly exited the barracks still in her nightgown that her parents had packed her. It was a lighter material than what the Survey Corps gave their female soldiers to sleep in, so it was more comfortable. It was a bit shorter, only hitting her mid thigh. The neckline was decorated with elegant lace that just showed the top of her cleavage.

 

She really shouldn't have been wearing this out of her dorm like this, but no one was going to see her this late at night in the Mess Hall anyways.

 

Once inside, she started the fire which lit the whole room with a warm glow. She then grabbed the tea kettle and filled it with water and hung it above the fire. She then turned to observe the room with her hands on her hips.

 

For the most part, it was already clean. Levi assigned people to clean it everyday, so it was in pretty good shape. She could sweep and maybe mop real quick anyways, just to get her body more tired. By then her tea should be done.

 

Hopefully she'd fall asleep quickly when she got back to barracks.

 

So she went ahead and grabbed the broom from the corner of the room and started to sweep up the floor. She quickly swept under all the tables and pulled out all the chairs as well. The stone floor was looking much better, and now she could start to mop up a bit. She went to go put the broom away but then heard a noise behind her.

 

"What the hell are you doing?" Levi's voice came from the entrance of the Hall.

 

Lilly quickly turned around holding the broom close to her. Levi was standing there, glaring at her with his arms over his chest. His eyes dropped down her torso and quickly shot back up to meet her startled expression, a light shade of pink gracing his cheeks.

 

"Are you out of your fucking mind? You have to be up at dawn. An exhausted soldier is a dead one Lilly.aa" He snapped as he walked towards her sternly.

 

"I-I couldn't sleep. So I came here to make tea and to tire myself out with some light cleaning. I was going to go back to bed right after." Lilly explained.

 

Levi took her face in his hand and studied her. He knew something was off about her the past week, she could feel it.

 

"Yesterday, you weren't being honest. Something is bothering you. That's why you can't sleep." He said as he stared into her eyes.

 

Lilly turned her head away out of his grip and walked over to the kettle that was over the fire.

 

"Who or what is bothering you? I'll put an end to it." He said.

 

"I can't tell you right now. I can tell you in two days." Lilly said softly.

 

She wanted so badly to tell him. She wanted so badly to out April about her pregnancy for her own good but she couldn't betray her trust.

 

She was torn, and the anxiety of it was destroying her. She just wanted to push it out of her mind completely. She didn't want to think about it anymore.

 

"Two days?" He asked.

 

"Yes." Lilly said as she lifted the kettle and put it on a table.

 

"Lilly, if it's serious, tell me now." He said.

 

She frowned and turned her face away as she head over to the pantry. It was dark in there, and she could just barely make out the tea jar on the top shelf. She huffed as she stood there staring at it.

 

"Levi." Lilly called quietly.

 

He appeared in the entry way of the pantry, his body nothing but a shadowy figure against the glow of the fire in the back end of the Mess Hall.

 

"The tea is on the top shelf again. I think someone is playing pranks on you." Lilly changed the subject.

 

He glanced up at the shelf and then walked towards Lilly.

 

He stood before her and traced his fingers over her bare arm, his fingertips dancing across the soft skin. He then walked behind her and gripped his hands in the curves of her waist, lifting her up to reach the jar like he had once before.

 

Lilly blushed as she quickly grabbed the jar and looked down at him.

 

He had turned his face away so he wouldn't see up her gown.

 

"Okay, got it." Lilly said as she gripped onto the jar.

 

He slowly lowered her down and gazed into her eyes.

 

"Thank you." Lilly said softly as she tucked her hair behind her ear, and turned to place the jar on the counter.

 

She felt him step closer behind her as she lifted the lid off the tea jar.

 

"You know you probably shouldn't leave your dorm when you are wearing something like this." He said behind her in a low tone.

 

"I didn't think I'd be running into anyone this late." Lilly said as she turned to face him, slightly embarrassed.

 

"Well you did. You're lucky it was me who found you and not some young hormonal cadet." Levi responded bluntly as he gazed down at her.

 

"Lucky huh?" She asked. "Why are you awake anyways?" Lilly raised her brow.

 

"I was reading and I saw a light in here from my office. And here I found you, awake and out of bed just hours before leaving on a mission." He said with displeasure.

 

"I didn't know you liked to read." She said, ignoring his bickering.

 

"Tch. It doesn't matter." He said quietly.

 

He then pressed his lips gently against her's, and she returned his kiss softly. He continued to kiss her as he raised his rough hand to feel the bare skin over her collar bones.

 

She leaned in to return his eagerness as his touch calmed her mind. His kiss gradually became deeper, and more needy as his hands tested their boundaries and drew lower down her chest.

 

Lilly broke the kiss for much needed air, and her heart was racing. His expression slowly became more serious and he adjusted his shirt.

 

"You should go to bed." Levi said as he started to turn from her.

 

He had thought she was drawing the line to him.

 

"Levi-" Lilly grabbed his arm and froze when his head shot back at her, his eyes wide with surprise.

 

"I-I... can I go with you.. back to your quarters?" Lilly asked softly.

 

Levi studied her expression carefully, his eyes trailing down from her eyes to her mouth and down the skin of her shoulders before he looked away and huffed quietly.

 

"..Just don't think this is going to happen all the time. Because it's not." Levi said sternly as he turned away.

 

After putting out the fire, they quietly made their way back to his office.

 

Neither of them spoke a word in the chilly air of the night. Finally Levi opened the door and let them both in. Lilly glanced to his seat and saw that there was a book set down on it. Lilly curiously walked over to the seat to lift the book, but Levi cleared his throat, halting her from picking it up. She turned to face him and saw he was putting out the fire.

 

"You're going to bed. Not snooping around my office." He said as he finished smothering the last of the fiery embers.

 

"Oh, S-Sorry I was just curious what you were reading." She said as she held her hands behind her back.

 

Levi glanced at her as he opened the door that led to the stairway.

 

"Go on." He gestured his hand towards his sleeping quarters.

 

Lilly nodded quietly as she passed him and carefully made her way up to his room. The room was completely dark, and only the bed was lit by the glow of the moon. She swallowed quietly and rubbed her arms as she felt her nerves pool up in her gut. Levi closed the door behind her and rolled his neck as he made his way to his chair and sat quietly.

 

Lilly then walked towards the edge of the bed and lifted the white blanket at the corner and awkwardly climbed in. Instantly she could feel how much more comfortable this bed was than hers. Her body relaxed against the cool, smooth bed sheets as her head sunk into the downy pillow. She laid there for a few minutes in silence before lifting her head to look at Levi who had tilted his head back in his seat with his eyes closed.

 

"Levi?" Lilly spoke softly.

 

"Yes?" He sighed without opening his eyes.

 

"A-aren't you going to sleep in your bed?" She asked.

 

A small amused smirk pulled on one corner of his mouth.

 

"I don't really sleep in that bed." He said.

 

"Why not?" She asked.

 

"Because I don't." He said in a low tone.

 

Lilly stared at him with a frown, causing him to open his eyes to look at her. He leaned forward slightly, studying her. It made her feel uncomfortable.

 

"Are you going to go to sleep?" He asked.

 

How could she word it. How could she word that she'd like him to share the bed with her that night. Just to feel the warmth of his body next to hers. They didn't even have to touch. She was just sick of sleeping alone, and waking up from nightmares alone.

 

"I-I.." Lilly tried to speak as his cold eyes bore into her.

 

"What?" He asked in a low and impatient voice.

 

"Can you come sleep next to me?" She asked softly as she sheepishly glanced down at her hands.

 

He stared at her for a moment, obviously thinking to himself.

 

"If I do, will it help put your stubborn ass to sleep?" He asked.

 

Lilly nodded quietly as she pulled the blanket up to her chin.

 

Levi rubbed the back of his neck and sighed before rising from his seat to walk to the other side of the bed. 

 

"You don't need warm milk or a story before I climb in, do you brat?" Levi teased in a bland tone.

 

"Is that an option?" Lilly smirked.

 

"Tch. Absolutely not." He said as he climbed into bed and laid on his back.

 

Lilly watched as he adjusted the blanket over his torso and inhaled deeply as he stared up at the ceiling. It was silent for a few minutes as she tried to get comfortable. But she had set a deep anxiety off in her chest as she she'd never laid in bed with a man before. She tossed and turned on her side, trying to get comfortable for several minutes. Suddenly she felt Levi's hand grip her arm and stop her from rolling.

 

"Move one more time, and you're sleeping on the floor." He said as he looked into her eyes.

 

"I'm sorry..." She said quietly.

 

"Close your eyes." He said sternly.

 

Lilly closed her eyes obediently and Levi let her arm go.

 

After about ten more minutes, she still couldn't drift to sleep. She felt a bit chilly and still anxious for the next day. She cracked an eye open and saw that Levi was still facing her, but with his eyes closed. He looked so unguarded and peaceful in the moonlight. Her eyes drifted down his neck and to his broad chest and shoulders.

 

He looked so warm.

 

She swallowed quietly and carefully inched her way over to him until her face was buried in his chest and her body pressed against his. She felt him jerk slightly, but she kept her eyes closed and her mouth shut, hoping he wouldn't reprimanded her. After a moment, he brought his arm around her and rested his face against her head.

 

She felt so warm.

 

So comfortable and so at home.

 

She could hear his heart beating quickly through his chest. Was he nervous too?

 

"Goodnight Levi." She said quietly as she glanced up at him.

 

"Goodnight." He said softly.

 

Lilly pressed her lips against his softly, causing his chest to stiffen against hers. His lips were still for a few seconds before he finally returned her kiss, carefully bringing his hand up into her hair.

 

Her own heart began to race inside her chest as he deepened their kiss. She felt so vulnerable here like this, against him in his bed. She melted against his body as she parted her lips against his in an slow and unsure manner. He parted his lips against hers, carefully sliding his tongue into her mouth and exploring the wet cavern.

 

She trembled against his strong form, his muscular arms pulling her closer against him as he continued to kiss her gently. Lilly broke for air, and Levi took the time to study her expression. She could feel her face heated with a blush as his hand remained snaked in her hair. His steely eyes met hers just before he carefully leaned in and kissed the corner of her mouth. Her fists remained clenching onto his shirt as his lips and nose slowly traced down her jawline. She continued to tremble against him as he tugged lightly on her hair, tilting her chin up and revealing more of her neck to him. His lips trailed down her throat where he began to press warm kisses, occasionally nipping and licking at the sensitive skin. A small moan left her lips, causing her to blush even more than she already was. Desire was lit in her belly as his teeth lightly scraped at her throat. Her hands reached up and grasped at his hair as he sucked at her collarbones, extracting more soft whimpers from her. He grasped at her thigh and lifted it over his hip, pressing his arousal against her clothed heat. She gasped in pleasure at the sensation, and it only made her want more.

 

Was this really happening?

 

The next thing she knew, he was rolling on top of her, his hips pinning firmly hers down against the mattress. She was shaking nervously underneath him, unsure what to think or expect. His eyes drilled into hers, studying her once more.

 

"You're shaking. We don't have to do this." He said in a low tone.

 

"No, I-I want to." She said softly.

 

"Are you sure?" He asked.

 

She nodded her head quietly. He gently brushed the hair out of her face before pressing a reassuring kiss to her lips. She returned his kiss gently before he trailed his lips down from her mouth, down her neck and over her shoulder. The warm puffs of his breath tickled her skin, and left goosebumps in their place. He reached for the straps of her gown and pulled it down over her shoulders, causing her to freeze for a moment. He looked at her quietly before he slid the gown down over her breasts, revealing the milky white mounds completely to him. He stared at her silently as she blushed and turned her face away.

 

She'd never shown herself to anyone.

 

"You're beautiful." He said against her neck before easing his way back down to her pale breasts.

 

He latched onto one, sucking and licking at her nipple as his hand toyed and fondled the other. She moaned a bit louder, not expecting the sensation to feel so good or so strong. This seemed to light a fire within him, as he began to kiss down her torso more hungrily. Lilly tugged at his shirt, so he sat up to pull it up over his head. Lilly stared at his bare torso in awe as the moonlight glistened on him beautifully. His chest was just as solid as it felt, his core was well defined and sculpted as expected of someone who had been using ODM gear for years.

 

Levi gently reached down and slid her gown the rest of the way off her body, leaving her in just her panties. Her legs trembled as they clamped shut, trying to control the aching desire that radiated between them. Levi trailed a finger down her abdomen and over her clothed heat, causing her to tense under his touch. She turned her face away once more with her face completely flushed.

 

She felt his eyes boring into her suspiciously.

 

"Why are you being so timid?" Levi asked in a blunt manner as he hovered over her, his eyes piercing through her.

 

"I've never done this before." Lilly quickly responded, still not looking at him.

 

"Which part?" Levi asked in a low tone.

 

"Any of this. I've never done this with anyone." Lilly admitted sheepishly and paused. "No one has seen my body before you." Lilly said.

 

"You've never had sex..." He said, digesting the fact.

 

He slightly leaned back, realization taking over his sharp features.

 

"No." Lilly answered.

 

Levi stared at her quietly. He then leaned forward, placing a loving kiss upon her lips.

 

"We don't have to do this." He said as he started to move off of her.

 

Lilly turned to face him again and gazed into his expression. She then swallowed, found her courage and pulled down her panties the rest of the way, revealing herself to him.

 

She laid there nervous and afraid underneath his strong body, her body quaking under him. His eyes traveled up and down her form before meeting back up with her eyes.

 

He was trying to read her. To see if she really and truly wanted this.

 

Lilly pulled his head against her neck, with his black hair against her cheek.

 

"Take me." She whispered.

 

She felt him tense at her words, as well as his heart accelerating in his chest.

 

He pressed himself against her, crashing his lips hard against hers. The fire growing in her core as he kissed her. She caressed his chest, his shoulders, his arms as he continued to kiss her and grasp and her hips.

 

The skin under her fingers was smooth and warm to the touch, but she could feel the solidness of the muscles under his skin.

 

And if she were to be honest with herself, his dominance was thrilling.

 

Levi relaxed under her touch and sighed softly. She used her hands to push herself to a sitting position and pressed her lips against the bare skin of his torso. She wasn't exactly experienced, as she had mentioned. She mimicked what he had done to her, kissing and licking at his skin, hoping that it felt good for him too. He rubbed the back of her neck as she kissed his torso, soft sighs leaving his mouth as she continued.

 

He brought his hand back up to her hair and tilted her head up to look into his eyes before sliding his tongue deep inside her mouth. She welcomed it in, and their tongues twirled together in each of their mouths passionately as he pressed her back down into the sheets with ease.

 

They continued to kiss like that as Levi snaked his fingertips down the soft skin of her stomach and down over her vulva. Lilly jumped at the sensation, and Levi broke their kiss and returned to the side of her neck where he gently kissed once more.

 

This seemed to be a reassuring tactic he was using to move forward with her. When she got nervous, he'd return to kissing her neck in a gentle and comforting manner until she settled.

 

Then he'd return to his advances.

 

He did this as he slowly rubbed up and down alongside her slick entrance. She arched her back and whimpered as he put more pressure against her heat, rubbing back and forth and driving her mad.

 

At this point, her legs were shaking and she was becoming extremely apprehensive.

 

Levi paused and brought his lips to her ear.

 

"Don't be nervous." His voice was low and filled with lust. "I'll be gentle with you."

 

He kissed the side of her face and trailed kisses from her jaw, down her neck and down her stomach until she felt him settle in between her quivering legs. Her first instinct was to try and close them, but they came down against Levi's soldiers. He gazed up at her cautiously before lowering his face and giving her entrance a firm wet lick.

 

Lilly gasped in surprise and sat up.

 

"What are you doing?" She asked in shock, her pale hair hanging loosely around her shoulders and down her arms.

 

Levi looked up at her with a confused look and paused.

 

"You don't know what this is....." He said.

 

"No..." she said as she stared down at him.

 

Was this what people did? She knew about sex but she never heard of anyone doing that. What else was there that she didn't know about?

 

"Just lay back." He said in a low tone.

 

Lilly cautiously laid back down and closed her eyes tightly.

 

"Relax." He sighed.

 

She then felt him push her legs further apart before feeling another strong lick to her folds. A breath left her lungs as her hips involuntarily bucked up against his mouth, unintentionally sending him into a frenzy.

 

He wasted no time finding her small bundle of nerves and making long slow strokes against it with his damp tongue, pressing firmly on it. She moaned out and clenched the cool bedsheets in her fingers as her hips lifted off the mattress. Levi quickly took both his hands and pressed her hips down with assertiveness as he then slid his wet tongue into her throbbing entrance.

 

"Levi." She moaned under her breath.

 

He gripped harder on her hips as he continued to stick his tongue in and out of the very beginning of her, licking the outside of her and teasing her.

 

She felt herself getting increasingly more frustrated as she gripped onto the sheets, moaning and writhing at his mercy.

 

He finally stopped and slowly rose back up to meet her lips with his in a hungry kiss. She felt as he pressed his arousal against her damp heat, and she wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him to press himself harder against her.

 

She whimpered in total sexual frustration. The walls of her womanhood throbbing and pulsating, aching for him to enter her.

 

He ground his hips against hers, letting out a low moan into her hair. She couldn't stand it anymore, she needed release from the fiery hunger radiating throughout her core.

 

It was almost painful.

 

"Take me please, just take me." She whimpered into his ear.

 

He pressed a kiss onto her lips before undoing his pants and discarding them to the ground.

 

His length was rock hard against his body.

 

He lowered himself and rested his warm body against her bare skin. He hovered his face over her's, looking her in the eyes.

 

"Are you certain?" He asked in a serious voice.

 

"Yes..." Lilly's voice was shaking.

 

"It's going to hurt at first." He said bluntly.

 

Lilly swallowed and looked at him with big eyes.

 

"I trust you." She said softly.

 

His gave her a peck on her kiss-swollen lips before putting his face in the crook of her neck as he adjusted himself at her slick entrance.

 

If she wasn't already shaking terribly, she was now.

 

He placed reassuring kisses against her face as she felt him slowly start to press against her, then carefully being entering her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and closed her eyes as she felt her walls trying to stretch for him, and then she felt the sharpness and the burning as her hymen tore to make way for him.

 

She let out a pained moan into his neck when she felt everything inside her burn.

 

He slowly pushed further into her, completely filling her to the hilt as he let out a throaty breath.

 

"You okay?" He asked in a labored whisper.

 

She whimpered in pain underneath him as her body tried to adjust to his member that was sparing no inch of free space within her.

 

"Yes." She breathed.

 

He pressed his lips against hers and slid his tongue in her mouth as he continued to thrust into her, his forearms on either side of her head. She moaned into his mouth as the sharp pains hit her core with each thrust. She dug her nails into his back and held onto him for dear life, trying to fight through the discomfort as her body gradually adjusted to him.

 

Soon enough the pain subsided and pleasure slowly crept up on her.

 

She scraped her teeth against his neck as the pleasure built inside her core, creating an animalistic need as she bucked into his thrusts, needing more of him.

 

He then started thrusting into her slowly and firmly as he lifted her bottom off the mattress, strategically angling her. She instantly felt a difference as he started stroking a very tender and sensitive spot within her.

 

"Levi." She breathed as the pleasure became more intense with each thrust.

 

He lowered his head back down and and gripped on the sheets as he continued to thrust into her.

 

She cried out louder with each thrust, clawing at his back and biting at his neck. And just then as he breathed her name into her ear in a passionate whisper, she was sent over.

 

Lights flashed underneath her eyelids as the overwhelming sensation of pleasure radiated from her velvet core. Her mouth watered and her body became heavy as she rode out the waves of her orgasm. She cried out loudly while gripping onto him. She could feel her walls contracting around him, daring to milk him into his own orgasm as well.

 

The way he let out a throaty moan confirmed he was close.

 

He began picking up his pace, slamming harder into her. The sound of skin slapping against skin filled the room. And then she felt him grunt and his thrusts became slower and more labored as he jerked. She felt him hurriedly withdraw himself and spill himself onto the sheet beside her. He painted as he slowly finished and collapsed on top of her.

 

He kissed the inside of her neck and she could feel his warm breath against her skin.

 

It was beautiful to her.

 

She stared up at the ceiling as her body continued to shake. He raised his head to look at her and he furrowed his brows.

 

"You alright?" He asked.

 

"I'm just... I don't know. A little shocked." She whispered.

 

He laced his fingers with hers.

 

"Come get yourself cleaned. I need to change these sheets."

 

He said as he helped her up.

 

Lilly slowly walked over to his room where he kept his tub. She couldn't walk straight, in fact her step was comparable to a newborn fawn.

 

She watched as Levi filled the basin with warm water, and her eyes became very heavy as she leaned in the doorway. She glanced over to the clock.

 

It was almost 3 am now.

 

It was funny how at these hours of the night felt like a completely different world. Quiet and surreal in a way. And she remembered.

 

She'd need to leave soon.

 

Levi helped Lilly into the tub and handed her a bar of oatmeal soap her mother had made. He then handed her a washcloth and she took it and lathered the soap into it.

She closed her eyes and lazily dragged the cloth along her skin. She leaned back and let the water submerge her completely. She felt her hair floating by her face in the warm water, and heard the low echoing noise of being underwater.

 

It was peaceful here.

 

If only her lungs would allow her to stay.

 

She slowly rose up for air, her wet hair clinging to her body.

 

She opened her eyes and looked up at Levi who was watching her intently. He leaned over and kissed her wet lips, stroking her cheek with his thumb.

 

Levi slowly climbed into the tub behind her and pulled her close to him. He began to wash her back gently and placed kisses on the back of her shoulder. She sighed and leaned against him in the warm soapy water.

 

She rested her head against his chest and closed her eyes.

 

This was heaven.

 

Or something close.

 

"You need to sleep. A few more minutes and it's bed." His stern voice returning to him.

 

"Yes Captain." Lilly purred.

 

 

 

"Hn." Levi mumbled as held her closer.

 

 

 

 

.......

 

*LEVI POV*

 

Lilly was finally asleep on his chest, naked still in his clean sheets he had replaced after the bath. Lilly's hair was glowing in the moonlight beaming from the windows.

 

She looked otherworldly.

 

He had bedded her that night.

 

He'd never forget they way she looked, the way she moved, or the ungodly noises that had left those pretty lips.

 

The way she felt.

 

A woman like this, had chosen to give herself to a man like him.

 

Maybe life was finally showing him some favor.

 

Perhaps he was speaking too soon.

 

Who knew what tomorrow would bring.

 

He was just so accustomed to losing everyone close to him.

 

He had to trust Lilly and her skill. But something was bothering her. Something weighed heavy on her mind. Why did he have to wait two days to hear what it was? That made no sense. It was actually fucking stupid. The day after she got back from the base mission?

 

What could it possibly be?

 

Whatever it was, she must have had her reasons for not telling him right then.

 

His mind then drifted to the news Erwin had brought him in his office.

 

After Lilly had left the office earlier in the night, Erwin had told Levi that they knew who the Female titan was. And that they were going after her in one week within Sina. They'd be passing through Stohess District to get to the capital. With the help of Armin Arlert, they had come up with a cunning plan to trap the suspect.

 

Annie Leonhart.

 

An MP.

 

He was pissed that he wouldn't be there personally to make the treacherous bitch pay, but he'd be there waiting when she was brought back. He intended to do exactly what he said he would to her.

 

Especially now that she'd mercilessly wiped out his entire squad.

 

Cutting her limbs off at the joints. He was sure Hange wouldn't mind as long as he said it was in the name of science.

 

Just then Lilly stirred in her sleep and she was breathing quickly. Her eyebrows were furrowed in an angered expression, an expression he'd never seen on her beautiful face before. Her fingers tightened in her sleep, like she was pulling the triggers of her ODM gear.

 

He watched quietly as she dreamed, and then saw she looked pained. She had a sorrowful expression on her face, and she made a small whimper in her sleep.

 

"April." She said.

 

Levi lifted his head, debating whether or not he should wake her from her dream, considering how little sleep she'd gotten.

 

"Look out." Lilly frantically breathed.

 

"I should have told him." She said softly in a pained voice.

 

Levi leaned over and pressed his cheek against hers.

 

"Tell me what Lilly." He said quietly in her ear.

 

But she was quiet. She had settled in her sleep once his skin had made contact with hers, and became peaceful once again.

 

She looked angelic with her pale hair framing her fair face.

 

He sighed and held her closer while she slept.

 

"What is on that crazy mind of yours, Lilly?" He spoke quietly, knowing he wouldn't get an answer.


	28. A Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Base Mission

*LILLY POV* 

 

Lilly woke up to her face being lovingly caressed. 

She lazily opened her tired eyes to see Levi sitting on the edge of the bed, now fully clothed. He was wearing a white long sleeve dress shirt with black dress pants. 

“Time to get up lazy ass.” Levi said as he glanced down at her. 

Lilly rolled over to see that the sun hadn’t risen yet. She slowly sat up and stretched, causing the sheet to fall from her naked chest. Once the cool air hit her nipples, she quickly pulled the sheet back up to cover herself. 

“What are you hiding from? Especially after last night.” Levi said as he picked up a clean and neatly folded women’s uniform and set it beside her. 

Lilly was quiet as she looked down at the clothes. 

“I grabbed these from the recruitment office since your uniforms are in your dorm. Thought these looked about your size.” He said. 

“Thank you.” Lilly said as she continued to hold the sheet to her chest. 

“Get dressed so you can get something in your stomach before you leave. The sun will be coming up soon.” Levi said as he stood. 

Lilly sat in bed for a moment longer. Nothing in her body felt like getting up and moving. Her body was sore, particularly her lady parts. She glanced down and saw that she was swollen, and her eyes widened when she saw that she had leaked out a small amount of blood. She quickly looked up at him and he stared at her with his usual bored and half lidded gaze. 

“What?” He asked as he walked over to her side and looked down onto the slightly soiled sheet. 

He stared at the stain and then looked up at her. 

“Go get dressed. I’ll take care of the sheets.” He said in a low tone. 

Lilly quietly stood up and grabbed the clean uniform and set it down in a chair that was across the room by the bookcase. She slid on her clean undergarments before stepping into the white uniform pants. A dull cramp hit her as she slowly put her arms through the white button up shirt. She was definitely feeling it from a few hours ago. She paused as she watched Levi finish changing the sheets. He moved the basket of dirty sheets by the door so he could take them down easily, and then returned his attention back on Lilly. 

He walked over to her and grabbed her shirt, and gently started buttoning it up for her. She stood quietly as he felt the tugging of her shirt as he popped the buttons through their rightful holes and closed her eyes once his fingers got to the collar. He turned and grabbed the brown leather ODM belts from the chair and started buckling the chest harness for her. 

“You don’t have to do that.” She said to him. 

“Tch, you’re slow as hell when you put your belts on. If there’s any hope of you eating before you leave, it’s best that I just do it.” He said. 

“Okay, Captain.” She quietly chuckled, reaching her hand up to her mouth to hide her smile.

He pinched her side and she jumped.

“Ow!” She said as she rubbed her side. 

He lowered himself to her leg so he could adjust the leg harness and held the foot belt out. 

She could see him smirking below her. 

“Step. Brat.” He said as he waited for her to place her foot in the belt.

She obediently placed her foot inside the belt, holding on to his shoulder for balance. She waited as he tightened the belts on her thighs. 

After finishing the lower half of her body, he rose to finish her back belts. 

“You sure do know how to pamper a lady.” Lilly joked as he finished adjusting all her belts for her. 

“Hn. You think?” He said in a low tone as he turned to grab her tan jacket. 

He held the small jacket out and she stuck each of her arms through the sleeves. 

She turned to face him and planted a kiss on his lips. 

“I think so.” She said and gave him a small smile. 

 

..........

 

The sun had started to rise after Lilly and Levi left the mess hall. He had made her fill her bag with food to take with her on the scouting mission, despite the estimated time frame of the mission only being 8-10 hours. 

Lilly had also grabbed a second sack for April. 

And the thought of her coming on the mission had started to make her feel ill. 

Well being distracted from the fact was good while it lasted.

 

At the stables, the other scouts and Hange were getting their horses ready. Lilly frowned when she had remembered about Hvid. How her horse never returned to her in that forest on the expedition. 

Levi walked in front of her and started saddling his horse. 

“Take my horse. It’d be easier on my mind if you did.” He said.

“Oh thank you.” Lilly said as she stuck her hand out to his black horse. 

The horse sniffed her hand and must have smelled Levi on her because he then eagerly stuck his nose into Lilly’s chest and started licking her face. Lilly laughed as she rubbed the horse’s snout and glanced over at Levi who was looking at her expressionlessly. 

He then looked down at the two bags of food in her hands.

“Is there something up with her?” Levi asked before shooting his icy gaze back at Lilly. 

“Who?” Lilly asked quietly. 

“Your friend. April.” Levi said as he stepped closer. 

“What.. um... well..” 

Everything inside of Lilly was screaming to tell him. To tell him about April’s pregnancy. To get her out of here despite her wishes. Despite the fact she promised she wouldn’t. 

“Hey good morning Lilly.” Ben’s voice came from behind her. 

She quickly turned around and smiled nervously.

“Good morning Ben.” Lilly said as she looked past him and saw April who was walking towards them with a worried expression on her face. 

Levi studied April before looking back at Lilly with a calm, yet suspicious look on his face. 

“Hey guys, Lilly, Captain.” April said quietly as she walked past them and started saddling her horse. 

Lilly could feel the fear in April. And it directly effected Lilly’s energy. 

She looked around frantically at the scouts around her with their horses. There were too many people around. Her eyes met back with Levi who was just staring at her quietly. 

“Alright Scouts! Move out!” Hange shouted. 

Levi stepped to Lilly and grabbed her by the collar, bringing her face just inches from his and he looked her in the eyes. 

“Don’t do anything stupid out there.” He said sternly. 

“I won’t.” Lilly said as her heart started racing. 

Levi then pressed a firm kiss against her lips, and she lifted her hand to his face to feel his skin once more. 

She could feel many eyes glued on them from all directions at this point. 

But she didn’t care.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. 

Would things always be this way?

Where each of their goodbyes could be their last?

She brought her lips to his ear while feeling her heart beat against his chest.

“I love you.” She said in a frightened and emotional whisper before leaving him standing alone. 

She swung herself up onto Levi’s horse and gave him one last hurried glance before turning away and catching up with the other scouts who had started flowing out the headquarters gates already. 

Hot tears stung in her eyes as she fought against the fear of what was to come.

 

..............

 

Lilly sat on her horse next to April’s in front of the exiting gate in Karanes District. They were only just waiting for Hange’s command at this point. Five wagons filled with supplies and building materials were in front of Lilly and April. They had enough people where building this base just a couple miles from the gate should be a breeze. That’s what Lilly told herself to make herself feel better anyways. 

Lilly glanced over to April who was resting her hand on her lower stomach and frowning.

Lilly wanted so badly to reach over and strangle her for this. 

How stupid and selfish. 

But now she was just as stupid and selfish.

Lilly looked behind her and Ben was a few horses back. 

Ben would be happy to find out he’s going to be a father. Ben was always a great guy. He had a great sense of humor and was always uplifting to everyone around him. April was drawn to that about him. But Ben also grew up with a strong sense of respect and family values, and had always talked about what kind of father he’d be someday. 

Hopefully he’d get the chance.

Lilly looked over to April once more. 

“You holding up okay?” Lilly asked in a quiet tone, trying not to let her frustration leak into her voice. 

“I’m okay. Where were you last night? I woke up and saw you weren’t there.” April said. 

“I had a bad dream. Couldn’t sleep.” Lilly said. 

“So where did you go?” April asked. 

“I slept with Levi.” Lilly said bluntly. 

April’s face dropped for a moment and then she smiled wide.

“Holy shit Lilly. Didn’t think you had it in you.” April laughed. 

Lilly couldn’t fight the smile on her face and then looked back to April. 

“He didn’t like... finish in you... did he?” April asked quietly. 

“What? No. He pulled out.” Lilly said quietly. “He’s smarter than that.” Lilly scoffed. 

“Scouts! Onward!” Hange called out. 

Soon enough, Lilly and April were riding out the gate and back into titan territory. Ben rode up to ride next to April while they passed through the abandoned town, creating a barrier between possible oncoming titans and April. 

They watched as two scouts up a head flew off to take down a small titan that was approaching the wagons. 

Other than that, there were no other titans in sight. Relief washed over Lilly as they continued to ride forward. 

Maybe everything would go just fine.

 

.........

Lilly stood on look out up in a tall tree not far from where the base was being built. The base would be nothing more than a small tower that held supplies that the scouts would need to restock on while traveling along the route. 

April was in a tree not far from where Lilly was, and Ben was in the tree next to Lilly. 

They stood for six hours in those trees, watching for any titans that could draw too close to the base construction site. Eventually Lilly became hungry. She could only imagine how hungry April must have been at that point. She launched out of the tree and down next to Levi’s horse that was tied up to the tree. She pet his dark snout and rested her face against his neck. 

She missed Levi. 

She had nearly spent all of her time with him while recovering and now she was away for the first time. Not to mention she had slept with him for the first time the night before, and now she just felt even more attached to him. 

She’d make it back. 

This was just another day.

She picked up her head and sighed while grabbing the two sacks of food from the saddle. 

She then turned and started walking to where April was posted. 

The air was getting cooler now that summer was coming to an end. Lilly closed her eyes as she felt it blow against her. She walked for five minutes until she came to a hill. She climbed up to the top of the grassy hill and then looked up at April who was sitting in her branch sleeping. 

Sleeping.

When she was supposed to be on lookout. 

“April!” Lilly shouted with frustration. 

Lilly ran to the base of the tree and looked past it. Three titans were just about 30 meters from them. Lilly launched herself into the tree and shot off a red flare. 

The sound of the flare being shot off woke up April. 

“What the hell April? How could you fall asleep right now? You were supposed to be keeping a look out!” Lilly exclaimed.

“I’m sorry! I’m so tired nowadays...” April said in a quivering voice as she sat up frantically.

“There are three titans headed this way. You could’ve been killed had I not thought to bring you this food.” Lilly said as she looked to the approaching titans. “You leave! Now!” Lilly shouted. 

Lilly saw Ben coming on his horse along with Levi’s horse to answer the flare signal. April got down from the tree and untied her horse. 

Lilly turned to see there was already a titan reaching out for her and she launched out of the way and swung up into the air. Her body was propelled by the force and she quickly shot another anchor into titans back. 

“April, MOVE!” Lilly screamed as she sliced down into the titan’s neck. Blood sprayed up into Lilly’s face and hair. 

Just then a much smaller and quicker titan ran past Lilly and straight for April who was trying to get up on her horse. 

Ben launched off his horse and went straight for the small titan. 

April’s horse reared up in front of the titan and April fell off the back of her horse once the titan reached out for her. April landed on her head against the ground and her body went limp as it rolled down the hill. 

“No!” Ben said in a broken scream as he shot an anchor into the small titan who had lifted April’s body into the air. Ben came crashing down against the titan’s neck full force, causing the titan to drop April to the ground. 

Lilly was frozen in place. Her mouth hung open in shock. Her body went numb with her breath caught in her throat.

It was all her fault. How dare she yell at April for falling asleep when April needed the sleep. She was pregnant and shouldn’t have even been there in the first place. Lilly had multiple chances to tell Levi. 

But she didn’t. 

All because she didn’t want to break a promise to her best friend.  
And now her friend was dead.

With a baby inside of her.

What had she done?

It was supposed to be a simple mission. 

Low risk. 

Lilly replaced her blades and turned to face the last titan who was approaching at a speedier pace now. 

Her numbness subsided and rage burned within her. Rage that she had never experienced before. Hatred.

But for herself. 

Her skin was crawling, and burning with the discomfort of being in her own skin. She hated the decision she made, even though she was trying to be good to April. 

Now, was April truly dead?

Lilly held both of her blades out as she launched into the titan, cutting it’s arm off at the elbow. It then reached out for her with it’s other arm, but she sliced his hand off clean at the wrist. She then proceeded to launch up it’s back and wound her arms up and sliced down into the titan’s neck. 

She had no time to waste. She needed to go to April and Ben. 

She needed to know if her friend was truly dead because of her. 

She ran over to where Ben kneeled down rocking April back and forth with tears in his eyes. 

“Baby no. Please, no. Wake up April, I’m here baby.” He cried. 

Lilly stared down at them, with pain writhing inside of her. 

April’s head was bleeding. 

Lilly kneeled down with tears falling from her eyes and checked for her friend’s pulse. 

She was still alive. 

“Why wasn’t the flare shot off sooner?” Ben cried. 

“She was sleeping.” Lilly answered. 

“What?” Ben asked looking at Lilly like she was crazy. 

Lilly stared at him and breathed in.

“She’s pregnant Ben.” Lilly said quietly.

Ben stared at April quietly for a few minutes. Lilly looked up to see more scouts approaching with the wagons behind them. They must have finished building the base. 

“Why didn’t she tell me?” Ben asked with hurt in his voice. 

“She was afraid Ben. She didn’t want you to get distracted, and she didn’t want to get sent away yet. She was going to tell you tomorrow.” Lilly said quietly. 

“And you knew.” Ben said. 

“I knew.” Lilly admitted. 

He looked away with disgust. 

“Leave me. Go tell them she needs immediate attention.” Ben said coldly.

Lilly stood and looked at her friend once more before jumping up on Levi’s horse. 

“You know Lilly. I thought you were supposed to be her friend.” Ben said quietly while looking down at April. He was stroking her brown hair lovingly. 

Lilly didn’t respond. 

She wasn’t capable of responding.

She just turned around on the horse and headed towards the wagons, fighting tears as her chest became heavy.

 

..................

 

It was late afternoon by the time they approached headquarters. Lilly hadn’t spoken. She just rode behind the wagon that carried April’s unconscious body. Ben was in the wagon with April, staring down at her with agony. 

What had she done? 

Why didn’t she listen to her instincts? 

This was all her fault. 

And Hange said she didn’t know when and if she was going to wake up. 

Lilly quite possibly had gotten her best friend killed. 

Tears ran from Lilly’s eyes. She rode with her hood up and wrapped her fingers in Levi’s horse’s mane. 

Everything was surreal.

This didn’t feel real. 

It couldn’t be.

They rode through the gates and all the other scouts gathered around to congratulate the mission’s success. Commander Erwin was standing next to Levi who now wore a black suit jacket draped over his shoulders. Lilly watched as Hange approached both Erwin and Levi.

Hange seemed to be explaining what had happened, because she pointed to the wagon that held April. Erwin’s eyes widened and Levi’s eyes darted straight to Lilly as she tried to avoid him. 

He probably thought she was a complete idiot now. He definitely was going to yell at her.

He was still her commanding officer. 

Lilly watched as April was carried off to the infirmary, with Ben following close behind. She hung her head and went straight to the stables and took the saddle off of the horse. She buried her face into the horse’s neck and shuddered. 

Then she felt a presence behind her. 

“That was what you wanted to tell me.” Levi’s low voice said from behind her. 

Lilly didn’t answer. She didn’t want to look at him. She was dripping with guilt and shame. 

“I’m not going to stand here and tell you what you already know. That you should have told me.” He said. 

“I thought you weren’t going to tell me what I already knew.” Lilly said in an irritated tone.

“But I will tell you, I acknowledge that you had a choice. You made the decision that you chose because you wanted to trust your friend. And you wanted her to trust you.” He said as he stepped forward. 

Lilly’s face was getting hot and she felt her chest getting heavy again.

“It was stupid of you Lilly. Real fucking stupid. But your heart was in the right place.” He paused and Lilly heard him take another step. “She is just as guilty for what happened, if not more than you. She should have told someone as soon as she found out.” He continued.

She turned around to face him, tears swelling in her eyes. 

“We all have to make hard choices. It’s sometimes a gamble no matter which way you go.” He said as he pressed her head against him and stroked her hair. 

“I should have told you.” She sobbed. 

“But you didn’t. And crying about it isn’t going to change anything Lilly.” Levi said. 

“You’re such an asshole.” She cried into his neck, still clinging to him. 

But he was right.

“You made your choice, now keep your head forward. All you can do is learn from this and move on. That is all you can do.” He said as he held her.


	29. Start Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilly fears the worst when April doesn’t wake up right away. 
> 
> Levi struggles between being supportive and being the firm person to snap Lilly out of her low point. 
> 
> Levi devises a plan to wake Lilly up and prepare her for the worst on the capture operation in Stohess, and any bad encounter with someone who’d do her harm.

 

Lilly had sat next to Ben in the infirmary for four hours next to April’s bedside. They were waiting and praying for her to wake up. And guilt ate her alive.

 

Ben hadn’t spoken to her once.

 

She didn’t blame him.

 

It was starting to get late, but Lilly just wanted to hold April’s hand before she went to bed. If she could sleep at all.

 

April was still breathing, and it had also been confirmed that she was still pregnant too. So this gave Lilly a small fleck of hope that she could hold on to.

 

Levi showed up in the doorway and Lilly gazed up at him.

 

He had come to retrieve her.

 

Probably make sure she ate something. He already forced her to shower before she came here. He was making sure she was taking care of herself properly despite how torn up she felt inside. Lilly knew it was because he knew how hard it was.

 

To go through something like this.

 

Only he probably didn’t have anyone to make him eat.

 

He had himself.

 

Lilly stood and kissed April’s forehead before turning to exit the room with Levi. They walked through the infirmary halls, passing busy nurses on the way out.

 

“Did Ben speak with you?” Levi asked.

 

“No. Why would he?” Lilly said as she looked down at her feet as she walked.

 

Levi was silent after that. He probably agreed.

 

Once inside the Mess Hall, Levi and Lilly sat next to each other quietly. Lilly rolled her peas on her plate with her fork and rested her head on her palm that was propped up by her elbow on the table. She tried stacking the peas on top of each other as Levi watched from behind his teacup.

 

“Stop playing with your food.” He scolded in a low tone.

 

“I’m not hungry.” She said.

 

“I don’t really care if you’re hungry or not. Get a grip and eat your food.” He said sternly as he sipped his tea.

 

Lilly sighed and looked down at her plate. He was right. She needed to not let her emotions rule her right now. He reached his other hand down and rested it on her leg gently, as to remind her he cared.

 

She lifted a fork full of peas to her mouth and chewed.

 

She reached for her tea and took a sip. She felt like she was forcing herself to eat and drink, her stomach fighting her with each bite. She nibbles on her bread roll and could hardly bring it down. She just felt miserable.

 

She just wanted to know her friend and her baby were going to make it.

 

But she was lucky to have Levi snap her in place. She needed it.

 

She was a soldier first before anything. That’s what he always said to her.

 

“Can I sleep in your bed again tonight?” Lilly asked as she stabbed a carrot with her fork.

 

Levi put his cup down and glanced at her.

 

“Tonight ....fine. But we can’t make a habit of it.” He said.

 

 

But he didn’t fight her when she showed up to his room every night, three nights in a row that week.

 

Lilly couldn’t take it, sleeping in her bunk room alone. Each day that passed and April didn’t wake up, the worse Lilly’s worry grew. She’d cling to Levi every night, burying her face in his chest as he ran his fingers through her hair. She’d take the tincture every night, and take more than the usual dosage just so she could get some sleep. She’d sleep until noon every morning but Levi didn’t stop her.

 

 

Not until the fourth day that April was still unconscious.

 

 

.......

 

 

*Levi POV*

 

 

Levi had been up since dawn observing the scouts train in the ODM course. He had left Lilly in bed. She had created a terrible habit of sleeping past noon since her friend came back unconscious. Each day, Lilly’s will to do anything diminished as her guilt ate at her. Levi tried his best to uplift her, but he wasn’t necessarily the best at that kind of thing. Sometimes his words came out wrong. Or they didn’t sound as good coming out as they did in his head. It was always that way.

 

He didn’t like to say things anyways.

 

He rather just do them.

 

So instead he tried to uplift her through his actions. She responded positively to touch. That was well established. He himself wasn’t that much different in that sense. He’d hold her as she needed, and he even washed her back as she soaked in the tub the night before. She clung tightly to him every night, sometimes crying quietly into his chest. He’d plant kisses on the top of her head until she’d doze off, her breath still quivering in her sleep.

 

But despite his efforts, she was getting worse. And her friend was getting weaker everyday. Lilly was facing the reality that her best friend may die.

 

And she was struggling knowing she could have prevented it.

 

Lilly was picking at her food, not brushing her hair. Moping around everywhere she went.

 

She was a mess.

 

And it hurt.

 

Levi was on his way back to his office once it was 9 am. He was going to wake her up and get her moving again.

 

He was thankful his leg was definitely getting better, and he wasn’t going to be sitting in an office all day. These soldiers needed his direction more than ever now. That’s why he’d gotten up to go to the ODM course to oversee their training that morning.

 

“Ah Levi, I was looking to speak with you.” Commander Erwin said as he came up from behind Levi.

 

“What is it?” Levi asked.

 

“Can we speak in your office?” Erwin asked.

 

Levi nodded as he turned the doorknob and opened the door to his office.

 

Both he and Erwin froze when they saw Lilly in her sheer nightgown with her back turned to them while she made tea. Her hair was a tangled mess, and the straps of her gown were falling down her shoulders. It was far too revealing for Levi’s comfort, and Erwin’s eyes were glued to her.

 

What was she doing downstairs in that?

 

She lazily turned her head to look at them, revealing the dark bags under her eyes that could rival his own. She then looked away with a heavy sigh before making her way up to Levi’s room with her tea and shutting the door at the top of the stairs.

 

Levi pinched the bridge of his nose as he entered his office with Erwin. He knew he was going to get reprimanded for this. They sat down quietly, with Erwin staring into Levi’s eyes from across the desk.

 

“She needs to get out of this state Levi. This is unacceptable.” Erwin said, raising his thick brows in a stern manner.

 

“I agree.” Levi said in a low tone.

 

He couldn’t really say much else. Lilly’s state was not good, and she’d need to get it together before she was assigned to another mission.

 

“This is our reality. She should know this by now. She signed up for this.” Erwin said.

 

Levi just nodded his head in agreement.

 

He couldn’t disagree with Erwin. It was true. She did sign up for this. She knew the risks.

 

But Lilly had never lost someone close to her, and certainly not by her own fault.

 

Reality was hitting her now.

 

Maybe she had thought she understood what a hell this was this whole time.

 

But now she was just barely scratching the surface.

 

Levi knew he was being too easy on her. It pained him to see her in this state, and he knew she was fragile during this time. She brought out a different side of him, and maybe this side wasn’t helping her situation. But again, Erwin was right. She needed to get back on her feet and keep fighting.

 

Because even hell could get comfortable once you’ve settled in.

 

 

“I will speak to her.” Levi said as he leaned back.

 

“Good. I expect her to be in proper mental state in three days time. She is going to be stationed in Stohess as support in the capture operation. I need our best soldiers. We can’t afford to lose anymore of them, Levi.” Erwin said as he rose from his seat.

 

“Yes Sir.” Levi said in a low voice.

 

“Not to titans, not to depression, and not to motherhood.” Erwin raised a thick brow.

 

Levi’s eyes darted back up to Erwin as he grabbed the doorknob.

 

“I trust you will not let this become a distraction, Levi.” Erwin said quietly as he exited the room, leaving Levi alone in his office.

 

 

.........

 

 

*Lilly POV*

 

 

Lilly sat in Levi’s chair quietly while holding her mug in her pale hands. Her hair was a knotted mess around her face. Her arms felt weak, and all she wanted to do was sleep. If she slept, it’d pass the time. She wouldn’t have to be awake, and her thoughts wouldn’t torment her.

 

It had been four days, and April still hadn’t awakened. And Ben grew hopeless. He had bought a small home in Trost with his saved wages for April to go home to. But now he was facing the fact that house may never house his lover and child.

 

Lilly could have changed that.

 

Just then she heard footsteps going up the stairs. The door swung open and Levi stood there with a scowl on his face.

 

Lilly looked down at her tea and sighed.

 

“Get up.” Levi said.

 

Lilly looked at him with half-lidded eyes.

 

“I said get up!” Levi barked.

 

Lilly jumped and dropped the cup onto the ground, sending tea and broken glass across the floorboards.

 

Lilly quickly stumbled to the ground and started picking up the pieces of glass. A black boot stood before her. She gazed up at the scowling person attached to it. Levi’s eyes were dark and emotionless as he stared down at her.

 

“This ends today.” He said in a stern tone.

 

“What?” Lilly asked quietly as she dumped the glass into a wooden trash pale not far from where she was knelt down.

 

“This. You’re being weak. I can’t stand it.” Levi said plainly as he walked across the room to grab the mop. “It hurts to see you this way.” He said as he turned his face away.

 

“Levi I-“

 

“Don’t talk. Just clean, brush your hair, and get dressed. You are training today. This is an order.” He said as he handed her the mop.

 

Lilly frowned as she mopped the tea off the floor. She placed the mop back in the corner after wringing it out and then walked over to the nightstand where her brush was sitting. Levi sat in his chair and watched Lilly with a stern expression as she picked the brush up.

 

She held the rough wooden brush in her fingers and sighed before sectioning out a layer of hair to brush out. She sat in the edge of the bed while she brushed through each section. She winced as she ripped through the knots.

 

How could she let it get this bad?

 

Just then she watched as Levi opened a drawer and pulled out a pair of shining silver shears. He faced her and started heading towards her with them.

 

“Um what do you think you’re doing?” Lilly backed away on the bed.

 

“Something that should have been done a while ago. Your fucking hair is too long now, and it’s becoming a safety hazard.” Levi said as he sat beside her.

 

“Levi, I can’t cut it.” Lilly held her hair in her hands.

 

“I’m cutting it.” He said.

 

“Please Levi.” Lilly said quietly.

 

“You can’t even take care of it Lilly. Look at it. It’s impractical. Especially for a soldier.” He said as he took the brush from her hand.

 

Her father loved her hair long. She held her silver pendant necklace in her hand.

 

But it was getting harder to take care of....

 

“Please, not too short.” Lilly said quietly as she turned her back to him.

 

“The longest I’ll go is to the ends of your shoulder blades.” He said sternly.

 

“Mid-back.” Lilly said.

 

“No.” He said.

 

“Yes.” She said as she turned to face him.

 

He was scowling at her.

 

“Please?” She asked as she leaned to kiss the corner of his mouth.

 

She then planted another kiss on his serious mouth. She felt him sigh out his nose.

 

“Turn around.” He said.

 

Lilly turned obediently and sat up straight. She could feel his fingers running through her hair as he began to snip away at her pale locks. She was nervous as they hadn’t exactly agreed upon the length of her hair. She thought mid-back would be good enough considering her hair was almost at her tail bone currently. About ten minutes later she felt him drop both his hands and stand up. Lilly stood too and instantly reached up to feel her hair.

 

It was mid-back length.

 

Lilly smiled in relief and turned to him as she dropped her fingers.

 

“Thank you.” Lilly said quietly.

 

“You’re welcome. Now pick up all this hair.” He said as he put the shears back in his drawer. “Meet me at the clearing.” He said as he left the room.

 

Lilly looked down at the hair on the floor and sighed.

 

 

Time to start again.

 

 

.....

 

 

Lilly walked out to the training area in full uniform like Levi had told her to. She cut through the wooded area to get to the clearing faster, and she could see Levi cleaning something glistening in the distance. She ran her fingers across the rough bark of the trees as she walked past them.

 

Levi’s eyes darted to her once she neared. Her eyes widened when she saw he was holding a knife. She froze in her steps and looked around her cautiously.

 

Why did he have a knife?

 

“Come here.” He ordered.

 

Lilly carefully stepped forward as she got a closer look at his knife.

 

“What are you doing? She asked.

 

“What does it look like I’m doing?” Levi asked.

 

Lilly huffed.

 

“You know what I mean.” She said.

 

Levi handed her the knife.

 

“You are training.” He said as he stepped back.

 

“With a knife?” Lilly asked nervously.

 

“Yes, with a knife.” Levi said.

 

“But how?” She asked.

 

“You’re going to learn how to fight with a knife. But we will start with how to hold one.”

 

Lilly looked at him with wide eyes.

 

“Um Levi, I don’t know..”

 

“Thumb on top, fingers on the bottom.” Levi said as he waited for her to do as he said.

 

Lilly held the knife as he said and he looked down at her hand. He reached his hand out and adjusted her fingers a bit.

 

“This is the outward position.” Levi said as he held her arm up.

 

Lilly was loose in his grip so she could move to where he wanted her to move to. She listened carefully as he gave her these directions.

 

“This is chamber position.” He said as he moved her arm.

 

Why was he teaching her how to fight with a knife now? Was she going to need to soon?

 

“Now try to attack me.” Levi said.

 

“What? No way.” Lilly said.

 

“That’s an order.” Levi said.

 

Lilly’s hands began to shake. She stepped forward and slowly lunged out to him, knowing she gave him more than enough time to move. It probably looked quite pathetic.

 

“Tch. Lilly you can go faster than that. I’m trying to teach you how to deflect blows.”

 

“Why?” Lilly asked as she lunged faster.

 

He skillfully blocked her and disarmed her, bending her arm in an uncomfortable manner.

 

“Erwin has ordered you partake in the capturing operation in Stohess as lead support. You may have to fight the suspect before they enter their titan form. That’s the goal anyways.” Levi said as he twirled the knife in his fingers. “The female titan showed great hand to hand combat skill, so this tells us she knows how to fight. You need to be ready for anything.” He said.

 

“Oh, I see....” Lilly frowned.

 

Would she come face to face with the suspect? Would she have to fight her?

 

Would April even be alive by then?

 

“I also took you here because I’m sick of seeing you wallow in self pity.” Levi glared at her.

 

Lilly’s mouth dropped stupidly.

 

“I’m not pitying myself.” Lilly said.

 

“It’s not up for debate.” Levi stood in a fighting stance.

 

“What are you doing?” Lilly asked as she took a step back.

 

“Defend yourself.” Levi said as he lunged at her.

 

She quickly deflected his block, but he turned and tripped her. She landed on her bottom and quickly got to her feet as he turned to lunge at her again. She blocked his arm with hers but stalled, in fear she’d hurt his leg. He quickly pushed her to the ground and she turned to get to her hands and knees. She went to pull herself up but she felt him grab her by her ankle and pull. She grunted as her chin hit the ground. She felt tiny pebbles imprint themselves in her chin as she was dragged. She tried to kick her feet to free them, but he had a good grip on her.

 

“If someone wanted to kidnap you or have their way with you, you’d make it too easy.” He said as he dragged her through the grass.

 

She gripped onto the grass to try and keep him from pulling her further but she ended up just pulling chunks of grass from the ground.

 

“Have their way with me, huh?” She asked before grabbing onto the water canteen that he dragged her past and she turned and whipped it at his head.

 

He let go and turned to face her with the knife. She stood up quickly and looked down at her grass stained shirt which had unbuttoned halfway down, revealing her bra. Her face flushed as she watched Levi step forward. She instinctively backed up. He then swiftly lunged, and she turned on her heel and ran for the trees. She ran as fast as she could through the woods and then finally hid behind a thick tree, hoping she was well hidden. She didn’t like this training. But it was waking her up and testing her instincts for sure.

 

Perhaps that was his goal.

 

She knew Levi wouldn’t hurt her, but it didn’t change how scary it felt to be hunted down with a knife.

 

Like a wild animal. They way he was stalking her in the woods was much like a wolf.

 

Quiet and stealthy.

 

She leaned against the tree to catch her breath. She was breathing too heavy and put her hand up to her mouth to quiet herself. She could hear him coming closer.

 

“I can hear you breathing, brat.” Levi said in a predatory tone.

 

Lilly quietly bent over and grabbed a rock. She then threw it from behind the tree and heard it land in some bushes.

 

Hopefully that’d distract him so she could run. She peeked from behind the tree and saw him looking her way. His eyes had locked on her and he started to sprint after her.

 

He was good.

 

Lilly quickly turned and ran in the other direction. She could hear him closing in on her as she neared a rise in the terrain. She threw herself onto the hill with a grunt and started climbing, but her feet wouldn’t stay planted because of the wet leaves caked to the ground. She slid down in the mud and leaves and suddenly she heard him breathing behind her. She quickly grabbed a handful of wet leaves and threw it at his face before climbing up the hill and reaching for a thin tree to pull herself up the rest of the way.

 

Was he going to let her go now? Was the training over?

 

Them she heard him come up for her as he successfully climbed through the slick leaves. But he increased his speed now and just missed her ankle when he reached the top.

 

“Levi can we stop?!” Lilly shouted as she ran.

 

“When I catch you. You’re too damn slow.” He said as he ran.

 

Lilly picked up a branch and faced him in a fighting position.

 

When he caught her. More like if he caught her.

 

Levi halted with the knife in his hand and looked at Lilly with a slight hint of amusement. His black hair was dangling in his eyes as he stared at her. Dirt was on his face from the leaves she’d thrown at him. He raised his arm to wipe it off his face.

 

He however looked handsome to her even when he was dirty.

 

“Don’t come any closer!” She shouted nervously.

 

Levi instantly lunged and Lilly lifted the branch and blocked the attack. He tried to grab onto her shirt to pull her down but the rest of the buttons popped open. Lilly scowled at him and attacked with the branch, but Levi quickly grabbed the branch and snapped it over his thigh. Lilly then wound up her fist and went for a blow, but Levi grabbed her arm and swung her against the trunk of the tree. He pressed himself against her while he held the knife lightly to her throat.

 

“A stick? Really?” He said as he breathed just and inch from her face.

 

“I was trying to use what was around me.” Lilly breathed as he pulled the knife back into his belt.

 

“I took note of that. But, you’re too fucking slow.” He said as he reached to button her shirt, but Lilly grabbed his hand and pressed it against her bare stomach.

 

Just a touch before they had to head back. That’s all she wanted.

 

His eyes met with hers as his hand traveled across her skin, caressing the soft flesh there. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the tree to just take it in.

 

His warmth, his touch, his strength.

 

The comfort it brought.

 

This took her away from her cruel reality.

 

Then she felt his lips press against hers. She kissed him back sweetly before he started to reach his hands up for her bra covered breasts. He cupped them them as he continued to kiss her, and his kisses became more needy. Lilly felt him stick his knee in between her thighs to part them against the tree. She broke the kiss for air and Levi quickly moved his kisses to her neck as his hands deftly undid her pants buttons.

 

“Levi..” Lilly breathed.

 

“Hm.” He hummed as he loosened one of her belts.

 

“Here?” Lilly breathed as he rested his mouth at her neck.

 

He slid his fingers down into her panties and curved them over her entrance. Lilly gasped lightly.

 

“Right here.” He said in a low tone. “After all, all that running you made me do... I’d say I’ve worked for it.” Levi breathed into her ear.

 

Lilly looked at him with big eyes. Here in the woods? What if someone saw?

 

Levi pressed another kiss to Lilly’s mouth before slipping a finger into her. Lilly let out a small gasp against his mouth. He began slowly inserting his finger in and out of her and she began to writhe against the tree.

 

“Levi, I don’t know if we- sh-ould be doing this h-here.” Lilly said in a quivering voice as his fingers entered her firmly.

 

“No one is here.” Levi said against her cheek as he undid his pants.

 

Lilly looked around and he was correct, it was just them and the trees. She never pictured herself having sex in the forest. It was a bit thrilling for her, in a way.

 

He then lifted her against the tree and guided himself hungrily into her, causing Lilly to arch her back and whimper. His teeth scraped across her collarbone as he ravaged her against the tree, cursing under his breath. They continued as the cool breeze blew between them and the sound of the leaves bristling in the wind filled the air. The rough bark scraped against Lilly’s rear as she was pounded roughly against it. Lilly weaved her fingers through his hair and tugged as her pleasure slowly built. He reached up and intertwined his fingers in hers and pressed her hand against the tree and slowly she felt herself start to go over.

 

She cried out loudly as she came, and Levi quickly covered her mouth to muffle her cries as he continued to rock his hips against her. Lights flashed behind her eyelids once more as she panted into his palm. He started breathing heavy himself and his movements were becoming less coordinated as he thrusted. He quickly withdrew himself and instantly released himself onto the ground as he breathed against her neck.

 

Levi carefully set Lilly back down on her feet and started to button up his pants again. Lilly leaned against the tree and pulled her pants back on, and carefully buttoned up her grass stained shirt. She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Levi’s neck and pulled him in to kiss her. They kissed passionately against the tree for a few minutes until they heard a crackling in the woods behind them. Levi turned around to look, adjusting his shirt as he peered into the woods. It was Jean approaching in the distance. He had his hands in his pockets and was looking around intently.

 

“Jean?” Lilly spoke out.

 

Jean lifted his head and looked at Lilly and smiled as he jogged to her.

 

“Lilly I was looking for you! She’s awake! April’s awake!” Jean shouted as he ran to her.

 

He pushed past Levi and scooped Lilly up in an tight embrace. Lilly smiled wide and she felt like her heart was going to explode. She was alive. April was alive. All the weight was lifted off her shoulders. Jean’s fingers lingered on her lower back a little too long before she broke the hug.

 

“You’re sweaty...” Jean said as he pulled away from her.

 

“I have to go see her!” Lilly pushed herself past Jean and started to run towards headquarters with a grin on her face, leaving Jean and Levi glaring at each other.

 

 

..............

 

 

Lilly ran into the infirmary and ran to the doorway of April’s room. April was sitting up in bed with a plate of food on her lap. Ben was by her side smiling with relief. April looked up at Lilly and smiled.

 

“April I’m so sorry.” Lilly walked over to her and wrapped her arms around her friend.

 

“Lilly, no. I owe you an apology.” April said in a quiet tone.

 

Lilly pulled away and looked at April with a puzzled look.

 

“I shouldn’t have asked you to keep that secret. That was wrong of me. I put myself and my baby in danger just so I could stick around with Ben a little longer. It was selfish and so stupid and I shouldn’t have burdened you with it all.” April blurted out.

 

Lilly was speechless as she stared at April. Just then Ben sat up in his chair and cleared his throat.

 

“I shouldn’t have said what I said to you either, Lilly. I’m sorry. You’ve always been loyal to April. I know that.” Ben said quietly.

 

Lilly nodded quietly and her eyes watered as she sat in the edge of the bed.

 

“I’m so happy you’re okay.” Lilly said as a tear escaped her eye.

 

“She’s staying here till tomorrow morning. Then they are moving her to the home I bought in Trost first thing.” Ben said with a smile. “So you two have time.” Ben added.

 

“Trost isn’t far from here. That’s good. I’ll visit whenever I can.” Lilly said.

 

“We will be stopping at my parents first to let them know. Im really nervous, but I know they will be relieved at the same time. This military life wasn’t what they wanted for me. They wanted grandchildren.” April said as she picked up a piece of cheese.

 

“I’m looking forward to meeting the baby.” Lilly smiled. “I can’t believe it, still.” She continued as she looked down at her feet.

 

“Us either. But I’m in no rush. I need to get that house ready and make it a home before the baby comes.” April smiled.

 

“It’s not very big. Our wages aren’t that great after all.” Ben said to April.

 

“It doesn’t have to be.” April said in a sweet voice as she held Ben’s hand.

 

Just then Jean and Conny stopped in.

 

“Wow, it’s pretty crowded in here April. Didn’t realize you were this popular.” Conny teased.

 

“Glad you’re awake April. Close call huh?” Jean smiled.

 

Lilly smiled warmly when she saw how happy April was to be surrounded by her friends. They always had each other through everything, and this was no different. It was actually nice having Conny there, and it felt like their old group again. Like the old days in Radako. They all laughed and joked and talked amongst themselves until a nurse came and kicked them all out so April could rest.

 

Lilly had left feeling a thousand pounds lighter knowing that her friend was okay, and even more relieved that she was going to go live a normal life. She wouldn’t have to worry about losing her on a mission ever again.

 

 

Even if that meant her bunk room would be empty.

 

 

Now she could turn her focus on the upcoming operation, and regain her strength. She needed to be ready for whatever was thrown at her that day.

 

 

After all, Levi wouldn’t be there, no matter how wrong things went. He was able to fight, but he wasn’t healed enough to use ODM gear.

 

Lilly was looking forward to the opportunity to have him fighting by her side on a mission once he was healed.

 

 

Soon enough.


	30. Brave Like You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character development.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry it took longer for me to update than usual. I’ve been working on multiple chapters at a time. Also am curious about how many of my readers are caught up on the manga or at least the uprising arc? I’m considering writing deeper into the series eventually since im completely caught up on the manga.
> 
> Anyways thanks for the continuous love and support! 
> 
>  
> 
> PS:  
> WARNING, NONCON IN THIS CHAPTER.

WARNING: NON-CON THEMES IN THIS CHAPTER.

 

Lilly sat behind a chimney on a roof, hiding in Stohess. Her heart was racing as she waited for Eren, Mikasa, and Armin to lead the suspect to the underground passage just across the street from the house she sat on. Ben was behind the other chimney just a few feet from her. She watched as he gazed down at a small portrait of April and tucked it back into his shirt pocket, over his heart.

 

Lilly thought back to a couple days prior when she had said goodbye to April, and watched as she rode off to her new home in Trost. Lilly didn't cry. She held back her tears and tried to stay strong.

 

That's what she was going to do now.

 

No matter what.

 

Never again would she lose her composure. That’s what a good soldier did.

 

Lilly had started sleeping in her own bed again after that day, and she tried to become more independent from Levi. She had felt guilty for putting so much on him when he already had so much to worry about.

 

She didn't mean for it to get so out of hand.

 

The past few days, the only time she had really spent with him was during training, and during quick meal breaks. Lilly mostly tried to hang out with Ben and Jean when she could, despite being the only girl in the group now.

 

She did try to become friends with Christa, but that only ended with Ymir getting jealous and shoving her to the ground. And to top it off, Ymir called her the 'Captain's little pet', and told Christa to avoid Lilly for her own good.

 

So needless to say, that bugged Lilly as well. Levi didn't seem to be bothered by it, or at least he didn't say he was. Maybe it was less stressful for him this way after all. Maybe she did become a bit of a burden and a distraction.

 

She thought she'd make it up to him by giving him space.

 

But now she was here without him, and really quite nervous. She found herself craving his strong and reassuring presence as she waited. But then she watched as Eren, Mikasa, and Armin led Annie Leonhart to the tunnel entrance. But Annie wouldn't budge any further. Lilly quickly hid behind the chimney again and listened to the inaudible voices of Armin and Eren bickering with Annie. Lilly peeked again and it appeared that Annie was still refusing to go down the tunnel stairs.

 

What were they going to do if she didn't go? That would sabotage the entire plan. They couldn't afford for this mission not to work. Too many had died already, and Commander Erwin went and organized this on his own authority.

 

Everyone was risking everything right now.

 

Lilly leaned her head back against the brick chimney and could feel as her hair got stuck against the rugged cement job. She closed her eyes and silently prayed for the situation to work itself out.

 

Then she heard the flare pop off.

 

It was time to go.

 

Lilly along with many others emerged from the rooftops and lunged down onto Annie. Lilly stood hooded in front of Annie as six other men grabbed onto her and restrained her. Lilly glared into Annie's eyes from under the darkness of her hood and raised her blade to Annie's throat. Then Lilly's eyes switched over to a ring on Annie's finger that had made a clicking noise. Lilly squinted her eyes and saw there was a sharp pricker sticking out from the ring. Lilly's eyes widened.

 

"Move! It's too late!" Lilly said as she lunged to the side and grabbed Ben. “Get out of the way!”

 

An explosion went off behind her, throwing Lilly and Ben off to the side from the impact. Lilly landed hard on her back and quickly scurried behind Ben into an alleyway. Annie was in her titan form again now.

 

Great.

 

And she was smashing her gigantic foot through the tunnel, trying to retrieve Eren again.

 

What did she want with him anyways?

 

This plan had gone to complete hell again...

 

Lilly peeked out of the alley way and saw the other scouts who were killed by the explosion scattered around the street.

 

"Go let the Commander know of the situation. I'm going to join Mikasa." Lilly said to Ben.

 

"Got it." Ben nodded.

 

Lilly scowled and clenched her fists before launching up to attack Annie.

 

Lilly floated at a safe distance around Annie for a little bit, just to study her movements. They were mostly unpredictable, so Lilly was going to have to rely on pure instinct.

 

Hopefully all the training with Levi would pay off.

 

Lilly drew closer and raised her blades, and then her heart dropped as the female titan's eyes landed on her.

 

Annie swung and grabbed Lilly in her giant hand, but Lilly quickly sliced through her fingers and launched herself away, spraying steaming blood everywhere.

 

That was too close.

 

Adrenaline was pumping through her veins, creating animalistic reflexes in her.

 

Lilly continued to distract Annie with Mikasa so Armin could free Eren who was trapped in the rubble of the tunnel.

 

Annie then threw a handful of various sizes of rubble at Mikasa, sending her flying back against the ground. Annie quickly turned away and started heading towards Eren and Armin.

 

"Don't let her get away! We have to capture her! Whatever it takes!" A scout shouted.

 

Lilly looked up and saw more scouts approaching Annie head on. They were going to get killed.

 

Had they lost control of the situation again? Could they get out of this alive? The whole entire district was in danger now.

 

Lilly scowled and flashed her canines in raw frustration as she stood on a rooftop, trying to analyze the situation.

 

What could they possibly do against Annie's hardening abilities and quick reflexes?

 

*LEVI POV*

 

The Commander ended up agreeing to let Levi go on the operation despite him not being healed completely. It was true that Erwin took Levi's insight into consideration at times, so perhaps this time wasn't any different. Of course he wouldn't be participating in combat, but he'd at least be there for when they took the giant bitch down.

 

It had been too late unfortunately.

 

Ben had sent a message from Lilly that Annie had assumed her titan form before they could lead her into the confinement of the underground tunnel.

 

He couldn't deny the knot in his stomach as worry crept on him now and then for Lilly. But he quickly would push it back down and reclaim his calm composure.

 

She had been different lately. Distant since her friend had left. It seemed she'd only spend time with him if she was required to do so. Perhaps she was mad at him for raising his voice at her the other day? Was he too hard on her? She was sensitive after all.

 

No that couldn't be it...

 

Levi exited the carriage behind Erwin in his dress suit and watched as smoke rose in the distance. The battle had started not far from where they were located in Stohess. They were leading the carriage with Eren's imposter inside, Jean Kirstein, with out the surrounding military police catching on.

 

Levi watched as Nile Dok, Commander of the Military Police Brigade, was shouting out orders as his men reported back on the rising smoke.

 

"Nile. Deploy all troops immediately. We should assume that a titan has already appeared." Erwin told Nile.

 

Levi watched from beside Erwin as Nile's face dropped in disbelief.

 

"Are you out of your mind?! This is Wall Sina! There is no way a titan could just appear here! " Nile exclaimed.

 

Just then Levi saw in the background as Jean emerged from the carriage with his Eren disguise wig on.

 

"Who told you to move, Jaeger!" A MP shouted as he put his hands on Jean to stop him from leaving the carriage.

 

"How about this damned wig said I could, moron!" Jean said as he ripped off the wig and threw it to the ground.

 

The MP stepped away in shock as he watched Jean run off.

 

"Call me Jaeger again and it'll be your ass! You got that?!" Jean shouted to the MP as he ran towards Erwin. "Commander, what's your order?" Jean asked as he stood before Erwin.

 

"Ask squad four for equipment." Erwin said.

 

"Yes Sir." Jean said as he put his cloak on.

 

"I like that the brat's got balls, but try not to swing 'em so much that you get yourself killed." Levi said.

 

"Sir." Jean responded and nodded before running off.

 

"Hold on...what the hell?!" Nile shouted in a confused tone as he watched scouts coming in and getting ready for battle.

 

"Commander, here." A scout said as he laid out Erwin's ODM equipment in front of him.

 

"Well done. Thank you." Erwin said as he equipped himself with the gear.

 

"Sir!" The scout said as he launched off.

 

"Wait just a damn minute!" Nike shouted.

 

"Alright, all of you with me! We are joining the capture squad!" Erwin announced.

 

Levi stood as he watched Erwin walk forward. Hopefully Lilly would be there when they rendezvoused. She was lead support in the capture squad.

 

The most dangerous position assignment.

 

"No! The hell you will! This is outright treason!" Nile and his men raised their rifles at Erwin. "I am well within my rights to shoot you where you stand!" Nile shouted at Erwin.

 

Levi glared at Nile as he held them at gunpoint.

 

"Think Nile. I find it hard to believe that you're as thick headed as you look." Levi spoke out. "You're a trigger away from making the biggest mistake of your life." He continued in a low tone.

 

"Remove your gear, now!" Nile shouted.

 

*LILLY POV*

 

"No, don't!" Lilly screamed as she watched a scout make a foolish attempt to attack the female titan's nape which instantly hardened, sending the scout flying back.

 

Lilly watched in horror as her comrade was then crushed by Annie's flying fist.

 

"Try that with me! I dare you!" Mikasa screamed as she launched and sliced open the female titan's heel.

 

Lilly landed on the ground when she saw two small children hiding in an alley way. They were huddled together, a brother and sister perhaps, and shaking with fear. The dark haired boy appeared older, and was holding his younger sister who had light blonde hair, almost as light as her own.

 

"You two, come with me. It's okay." Lilly said in a gentle tone as she crouched down.

 

Just then a giant boom sounded. Lilly looked back and saw that the female titan had smashed her foot into a building.

 

"Look Natalya. She's a soldier!" The boy got to his feet. "Will you help us find our mother? We got separated in the crowd..." They boy said in a sullen tone.

 

The little girl came running first and jumped into Lilly's arms.

 

"I...I can help you get to a safety check point. Your mother may be waiting there." Lilly said as she looked out of the alley way, watching as the female titan smashed her hands around trying to catch the scouts in the rooftops.

 

She had to continue this fight and help her comrades, but she couldn't leave these children.

 

"But we must hurry. It's not safe here." Lilly said as the small blonde girl clung to her chest.

 

Lilly quickly ran out into the street holding the small boy's hand, and holding the small girl in her other arm. The female titan was distracted at that point, and had her back turned to Lilly. Lilly ran with the children away from the titan and towards the safety point.

 

Screams of the civilians and echoes of running feet filled the air as Stohess's people tried to escape the war zone that was started right before their eyes. Then she saw Jean running towards them. Jean stopped before her, looking down at the small children and frowned.

 

"Get them to the safety checkpoint. The military police are running it just down the street where all these people are headed to. Then come back, Erwin has a plan." Jean said before brushing her elbow with his fingertips and running back towards the female titan.

 

Lilly swallowed before she started running again towards the checkpoint. People were crowding to get onto the boats so they could float down the river to safety. People were pushing and screaming, and the military police could hardly control the situation. It was so loud, she could hardly hear herself think. Lilly peered to see who exactly these MPs were that were so poorly running this checkpoint, and her eyes widened when she realized that most of these men were the very soldiers she trained with.

 

Why would they put new recruits in charge of this checkpoint? Why were there so few veterans?

 

Lilly pushed past the shrieking townspeople as she tried to reach the front of the crowd where the military police stood on the docks. One dark haired soldier glared down at her. He seemed to be a bit older, and wore a scowl on his tanned face. He didn't look familiar so she assumed he was probably higher rank.

 

"Hey! What do you think you're doing! Leave this to the military police, Scout!" The soldier spat.

 

"Please, you need to help me find their mother." Lilly said calmly as she climbed up the dock.

 

"Can't you see we are trying to fill these boats before this whole area is destroyed? We can't stop what we are doing for just two children!" The man said as he looked down at her.

 

The little girl began to cry into her chest and Lilly looked back up at the soldier.

 

She had to help them. She remembered her mother's love and that was all it took to keep her persistent. She couldn't imagine having been separated from her mother at a young age under such terrifying circumstances.

 

"Please." Lilly said softly.

 

The man looked her up and down.

 

"And just what is in it for me? For stopping what I'm doing to help you." The man said in a dark voice.

 

"I have two coins on me." Lilly said in a calm voice.

 

Lilly set the girl down so she could fish for the coins in her pocket, but they weren't there. The girl looked up with big glassy green eyes as her brother held her hand to comfort her.

 

"I can't find them. Please, why can't you just help them?!" Lilly grew frustrated.

 

"I told you woman!" He shouted as he lifted his hand to Lilly's face and grabbed her to pull her closer to him. He dug his fingers into her cheeks as he looked into her eyes.

 

"My, my. You are a beauty. Perhaps I can think of one way you can pay me for my assistance." He smirked.

 

Lilly pulled away with her cheeks red.

 

"Absolutely not." Lilly said.

 

"Then sorry, I must return to helping these people back onto these boats." The soldier began to turn away.

 

Lilly turned to the crowd and sighed. She lifted the tiny girl into the air.

 

"Attention! Does this child belong to anyone?!" Lilly shouted.

 

"What do you think you're doing, girl?!" The soldier turned back around.

 

"Anyone?!" Lilly shouted as loud as she could, but her voice was cracking.

 

The crowd was too rowdy, and she needed someone with a louder and more demanding voice.

 

"You're too soft spoken, scout." The soldier said with amusement.

 

"Why can't you just do your job, and help these kids." Lilly snapped.

 

"Because the good of all these people getting to safety when there's no time to waste is more important!" The soldier snapped back, just inches from her face.

 

Lilly looked around at the other two military police who were busy keeping the crowd in check. And the crowd only grew larger as more people gathered from the surrounding areas. It was out of control. And Lilly needed to get back to her position.

 

They needed her.

 

But if she just left these children here, who knows what could happen to them? People kidnapped children all the time. In fact, it was sickening how often Lilly heard of it happening growing up. Horror stories of children's bodies being found in the rivers.

 

Lilly stared off into space as she tried to make a decision. Every second she wasted was valuable in this fight to capture Annie.

 

"Step down from the docks." The soldier whispered into her ear. "Let me see your tits. That is all." He said in a dark voice.

 

"You pig." Lilly scowled, eyes stinging in frustration.

 

This world was disgusting.

 

"Perhaps I am. But those hags in the brothels aren't really cutting it sweetheart. So deal, or no deal?" He whispered in her ear.

 

Lilly swallowed. He had the deepest voice that had the best chance of piercing through the crowd's noise. She looked at the girl one last time before looking up at the soldier before her, grinning devilishly at her.

 

"Stay here." Lilly said to the girl and her brother.

 

"Ah, that's a good girl." The soldier said as he began to lead her into the military patrol building next to the docks. "Marlowe, take over for me!" The dark haired soldier shouted. “She has some intel.”

 

Lilly was shaking as he opened the door for her. She looked back at the docks and saw the two children waiting there, frightened by the screaming and commotion.

 

She walked into the empty room and the soldier quickly shut the door behind him. There were just supply boxes and chairs and tables in the gloomy room. Not much sunlight was pouring in.

 

It gave her the chills.

 

"Go on. Get going." The soldier said as his hungry hazel eyes watched her.

 

Lilly thought of Levi as she reached for her top button near her collar. Her hands shook as she began to undo them, and tears swelled in her eyes as she looked away from the nasty man.

 

She wished Levi was there. She wished he was there so badly that she let out a sob.

 

She couldn't really do this. Even if it was to help these children, she couldn't.

 

There had to be another way.

 

"Hurry up!" The soldier growled as he stepped forward.

 

"I change my mind. I can't do this." Lilly said.

 

"A deal is a deal. Think of those poor children." He said in a manipulative tone.

 

"No. I'll find another way. I need to get back." Lilly said as she began to walk past him.

 

He stuck his arm out to block her and looked down at her calmly.

 

"Not so fast pretty thing. Keep unbuttoning." He said.

 

Lilly frowned and remained quiet as she tried to push past him.

 

"Aright, enough of this." The soldier said before reaching out and pushing her against the wall.

 

Lilly pushed back as hard as she could and then he reached up and slapped her across the face. He then grabbed her by the throat and undid a couple more buttons before pulling her bra down and revealing her breasts. She whimpered as he squeezed her throat tightly.

 

Why was this happening to her. Why was the world this way.

 

Why.

 

Was.

 

Everything

 

So.

 

Unfair.

 

Lilly clamped her eyes shut so she wouldn't have to look him in the eyes.

 

Now he could let her go and those children could find their mother.

 

Just then Lilly felt big hands trying to slide into her pants. Lilly's eyes jolted open and just as she was about to scream, he pressed his palm against her face, blocking her mouth. Her first reaction was to raise her fist to swing, but he head butted her in the face, causing blood to run down out of her nose.

 

"Quit fighting me!" He growled as he returned his grip around her throat.

 

Her face stung. Her nose stung. Lilly started to feel like she was floating out of her own body. Like she wasn't really even there. Like her hands were not her own. Like her body was this foreign vessel that all of the sudden her soul seemed to float out of.

 

Her blood ran onto his hand as she lifted her leg to knee him, but he pressed his groin hard against her to pin her lower half down, causing her head to slam back against the wall.

 

But that was the thing right?

 

This world is cruel.

 

It doesn't matter who you are, where you come from, what you look like.

 

It didn't matter how good your heart was. It didn't matter how much peace you wished for. Even a strong blazing light could be blown out by the raging winds around it.

 

It was like what Levi had once said during training.

 

If the world wanted to fuck you, you most certainly were going to get fucked.

 

No.

 

She wasn’t going to allow this to happen to her.

 

It was about the fight.

 

It was about losing control.

 

Giving up her own humanity.

 

All her emotions. All of her weaknesses.

 

She just had to

 

Let

 

Go.

 

His hand slipped past her belt, and she screamed and grunted as his fingers drew lower over her womanhood. She raised her other fist to swing, but he quickly delivered a blow to her eye and then another to her mouth. Pain swelled in her face but now her adrenaline was coursing through her.

 

She'd fight until she breathed her last exhausted sigh.

 

She quickly grabbed ahold of his wrist with both hands and pulled herself up, curling her legs up and kicking him in his chest. This sent him flying back into a table which broke under him. She quickly withdrew her blades and held them to his throat.

 

"I should fucking kill you." She said as she glared down at him.

 

He lifted himself a bit, but she stepped forward. She was calm as she began to press the ends of her blades into his neck, causing him to squirm and pant.

 

"But I wouldn't be able to make you suffer as much as my very close friend would. And I need that husky voice of yours." Lilly said in a more calm tone.

 

"Ha. I'm not scared of any man." The bloodied soldier said under her blades.

 

"Oh? I would be if I were you." Lilly said in a dark voice. "Now get up." Lilly ordered.

 

Lilly pressed a blade against his back as she made him walk back to the docks. The two children were standing there with wide eyes as they looked at the both of them. Probably horrified by the bloody mess that her face was.

 

"What is your mother's first and last name?" Lilly asked.

 

"Rose. Rose Vlah." The boy answered.

 

"You heard it. Now call it." Lilly ordered as she pressed her blade to the man's back.

 

"Hey what are you doing?!" Marlowe shouted at her.

 

His face dropped when he saw her face.

 

"Buddy boy here tried some funny business and quite frankly Im done with the games. I have a mission I need to get back to, and these children need their mother."

 

Marlowe nodded his head and stepped back.

 

"Karma is a funny thing, isn't it? Maybe I couldn't stop you from selling our government equipment illegally, but this will suffice." Marlowe said to the soldier under Lilly's blade.

 

The dark haired soldier gritted his teeth.

 

"Call the name." Lilly ordered as she pressed the blade into the soldier's back.

 

"ROSE VLAH!" The man screamed over the crowd.

 

The crowd quieted down a bit.

 

"Again. Filth." Lilly ordered.

 

"ROSE VLAH! COME FORWARD!" The soldier screamed.

 

Just then, from the back of the crowd, a young dark haired woman emerged. When she neared the docks, she saw her children and started pushing past people in a hurry. Lilly put her blade down.

 

"Natalya! Vladimir!" She cried.

 

The children ran to their mother and wrapped their arms around her.

 

"That woman saved us mama!" The little girl said as she pointed at Lilly.

 

"Thank you so much. I was so worried." The mother cried.

 

Lilly nodded before stepping before the soldier who'd assaulted her.

 

"You'll be seeing me soon. I promise." Lilly said before launching off to head back to where the female titan was located.

 

...

 

Lilly passed over rooftops and through vacant streets. Suddenly in the distance she could see a bolt of lightening come down.

 

Eren.

 

Lilly quickly headed towards the screams of Eren's titan. As she drew closer, she could see Eren chasing after Annie. They were destroying Stohess, and people were being killed in the process. Not everyone had been evacuated yet from the various docking locations.

 

Not everyone was safe.

 

And many more would perish in the attempt to capture her.

 

Why was Annie doing this?! How could she kill so easily?

 

Innocent people.

 

Lilly landed next to Jean and Ben on a promising rooftop.

 

"Stay back. It's too dangerous now." Jean said. Then he looked at her.

 

"Shit. What happened to you?! Are you okay? You never came back!" Jean exclaimed.

 

"I'm fine. I don't want to talk about it." Lilly said.

 

Jean and Ben stared at her with open mouths before turning to look back at the fight between Eren and Annie.

 

Annie had Eren down, and Lilly looked away as Eren was beat badly by a hardened fist and knee. Lilly touched her own face as she looked away. She winced as her finger tips touched her swollen bottom lip, and her blackened eye. The blood was dried on her face now, causing her skin to itch uncomfortably.

 

She could almost feel the beating Eren was receiving as she watched the fight go on.

 

Lilly looked back when she heard giant footsteps again. Annie was running towards the wall. Just then Eren rose out of the rubble and roared.

 

Lilly blocked her ears as she watched Eren chase Annie down. Lilly put her hood over her head and launched off the roof to get closer to them. Jean and Ben followed close behind as they found another rooftop to watch from.

 

Lilly landed with a grunt as her boots hit the brown shingles. When she looked up, she saw Annie was climbing the wall.

 

"She's trying to escape!" Jean shouted.

 

"No. We can't let her. We can't let this all be for nothing. Not again!" Lilly said as she launched off.

 

She flew at high speed and saw Mikasa heading for Annie too. Lilly nodded at Mikasa and they both flew up the wall and launched towards each of the female titan's fingers. Lilly slashed all of her digits off her right hand as Mikasa went for the left. Then the female titan began to fall to the ground. Eren came quickly to rip Annie's titan apart. Lilly watched as she landed on a nearby rooftop.

 

It was finally done. Annie would be captured.

 

But something was off about Eren.

 

He was going on a frenzy and ripped open the female titan to reveal Annie who was in the nape. Was he going to stop?

 

Could he control himself?

 

"He's going to eat her!" Ben shouted as he landed next to Lilly.

 

But just then, Lilly watched before her eyes as a crystal formation formed around Annie. She was hardening her body to protect herself.

 

But before Eren could lunge down on Annie, a green cloaked figure whirred in an cut open Eren's titan's nape with high precision. They then pulled Eren out.

 

Lilly then watched as the person landed back on the ground not far from the steaming titan remains.

 

It was Levi.

 

Lilly's breath got caught in her throat and she froze.

 

What was he doing here?

 

He was still injured...

 

......

 

Lilly landed down before Levi where he was crouched down with Mikasa and Eren. When he saw her his eyes widened, his mouth still in a tight line. He quickly stood up and reached out to her face.

 

He wore a concerned expression as he barely touched her swollen flesh with his fingertips. Lilly winced and turned her face away. He then pulled her hood down and revealed more of her face.

 

His expression was uneasy.

 

"This wasn't done in battle with the female titan. Was it?" He asked in a low tone.

 

"No." Lilly said quietly.

 

"Who did this to you?" Levi demanded in an almost frightening tone.

 

She could feel the anger radiating off him as his steely eyes switched back and forth between hers, searching for answers. Lilly couldn't answer him at this moment. Besides the fact that she didn't know the man's name, this made her look weak. It made her look helpless.

 

She felt ashamed.

 

Soon scouts were gathering around to see Annie and Eren.

 

Levi scowled when she didn’t answer.


	31. Don’t Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Though Annie has been stopped, she is covered in hard crystal. 
> 
> No answers, and only more questions about the walls and their history arise. 
> 
> Lilly is sent out as a lone rider to deliver a message to where the rest of the 104th are being detained.

They had finally captured the female titan, but Annie had completely coated herself in impenetrable crystal. This obviously made it impossible to interrogate her.

 

But something unbelievable was revealed.

 

The battle between her and Eren had left a section of the wall destroyed. It's inner workings consisted of a titan. His face peered out into Stohess, and it was demanded that he was covered with thick material to block the sun. Seems Pastor Nick had some information on the matter, but he wouldn't budge.

 

So the walls were built with titans?

 

This changed everything...

 

What other secrets were hidden within these walls?

 

Lilly went over a bump as she rode Levi's horse towards where the rest of the 104th recruits were being detained out in Wall Rose. Erwin had ordered they be detained there just incase anyone else was involved with Annie.

 

And now he had sent Lilly out as a lone rider to relay the news of the capture mission's success.

 

She didn't get to say goodbye to Levi, or really talk to him much before she was sent out. She had just started to get the strength to tell him what happened...

 

She just remembered glancing back at him with longing in her heart before she rode out the gates. And the expression on his face was one she'd never seen before. It was raw.

 

Lilly closed her eyes to wash the image from her mind.

 

Now, she approached the remote building that Sasha, Conny, Reiner, and Bertolt, Ymir and Christa were being held in. Lilly's heart raced when she realized how close to her village she was.

 

Perhaps she could visit her mother and father as soon as she delivered the news! She could really use her father's comforting and warm embrace right about now.

 

What a terrible and long day it was.

 

But the thought of seeing her parents made it almost bearable.

 

Lilly sighed as her pale braid bounced on her shoulder as she rode forward. The tall grass was blowing in the breeze on the sides of the dirt road and shadows of the oak trees passed over Lilly as Levi's horse galloped on.

 

But then suddenly she heard giant footsteps.

 

Many of them.

 

She glanced to the side and saw dozens of titans approaching the building where her comrades were detained.

 

Her heart dropped. She couldn't believe what she was seeing.

 

How was this possible? Titans within Wall Rose? Was there a hole in the wall?!

 

They were coming from the direction of her village...

 

Mama...Papa...

 

Lilly's fear pushed her forward. She rode Levi's horse as fast as she could towards the detainment building as she mentally prepared herself for combat.

 

..............……………………………………………………

 

Lilly dismounted the horse and dropped to her feet before Nanaba and Miche. Nanaba's eyes went wide.

 

"You! What are you doing all the way out here?" She asked.

 

"I was sent by Commander Erwin to report the capture operation's success, but you've got company coming." Lilly breathed quickly.

 

"Yeah, we got bigger fish to fry. Good thing you came well stocked up on supplies, we are going to need your help." Miche said.

 

Lilly looked up and saw the rest of her comrades emerge from the building.

 

"So the 104th cadets and the rest of the armed troops will divide up into four squads. One squad for each point of the compass. Avoid engagements as much as possible and focus on spreading the word, if you find anyone or pass by any settlements, start getting them evacuated. Anyone familiar with this area?" Miche said.

 

"Me! My village is to the north!" Sasha said.

 

"An my village is to the south Sir. Actually Lilly is from the same village... the same direction the titans came from. We can lead a squad that way. Permission to enter our village when we reach it, Sir! It's probably too late...but I have to see Sir!" Conny said.

 

Sweat was dripping off his forehead, and his hands were trembling. Lilly felt the same way. There was no telling if the titans had truly passed through their village already or not. They'd have to fight to find out.

 

Lilly's heart was pounding and her chest was aching and she was trying to remain calm in the situation. Levi always told her to put her personal feelings aside during missions.

 

But how could she now?

 

"Permission granted. You lead the south squad then." Miche paused as everyone turned their heads towards the approaching footsteps. "They're close! Anyone equipped, lend a hand to draw the titans' attention away! While they're distracted, you cadets move out!" Miche said.

 

"Got it Sir." Gelgar responded.

 

Miche turned to Lilly and huffed.

 

"You give us backup alright? And don't get killed or nothing. That's all I need is Captain Levi up my ass because of his rookie girlfriend being careless. Are you ready to fight?" Miche asked.

 

"Let's eradicate them." Lilly answered with a serious expression.

 

"Ha! I like your attitude!" He then looked at everyone else. "All squads, lets do this! Go!" Miche shouted.

 

The four squads dispatched while Lilly and the equipped soldiers launched up with their ODM gear. She landed on the roof to get a good look at what they were dealing with.

 

Titans of all shapes and sizes. Some fast, some slow.

 

This was going to be a blood bath.

 

Lilly closed her eyes and pictured her mother and father's faces. Their smiles, their scents, and their warm unconditional love.

 

It was that warmth that lit the flame in her belly again.

 

That launched her off the roof, and into the face of death.

 

...………………………………………………………………………………

 

Half an hour had passed and Lilly had held her own against the titans. No one else was harmed either, so this kept them optimistic.

 

But Lilly's body was weakening. She was growing tired.

 

She had been fighting all day. She had just come back from the female titan operation only to ride into this.

 

But the desire to go see if her parents were alive was what was even keeping her moving at this point. Lilly slashed through a 10 meter class titan's nape and jumped to the ground and looked around while she caught her breath. Miche appeared in the rooftop above her.

 

"Lilly go! Get out of here. You're getting weak and we can handle the rest. Go join the southern squad!" Miche shouted.

 

Lilly nodded and whistled for Levi's horse. The dark creature came immediately and Lilly quickly swung herself onto his back and rode off as fast as she could.

 

She rode through the dark forests fearlessly knowing titans were there now, and they could jump out at her and kill her at any given moment.

 

Her eyes were stinging and her voice was caught in her throat as she entered the village.

 

They were there. The titans had been there.

 

Houses with their roofs destroyed everywhere.

 

Lilly moved with urgency. She pulled on the reigns and had Levi's horse carry her to where her parents' apothecary was located.

 

She dropped the reigns from her hands, her mouth was in a tight line and her eyes half lidded with numbness.

 

The roof was caved in. Herbs and flowers were scattered across the ground. Broken and bent. Lilly slid off the horse and stood before her old home. It was silent. Not even the wind was blowing.

 

This wasn't real. How could any of this be real?

 

Her parents were gone.

 

"Mama.. Papa..." Lilly called out.

 

No answer.

 

She walked around the home, there was no way in. The cattle enclosure was destroyed as well, and the cattle were gone. Lilly stood without emotion. Why couldn't she cry? Why couldn't she scream?

 

Nothing would come out.

 

It was too surreal.

 

She was just shaking.

 

"Lilly." A familiar voice said from behind her.

 

Lilly lifted her head to see Conny with eyes threatening to let loose tears.

 

"We have to go..." Conny said in a pained voice.

 

"Why them?" Lilly asked in a trembling voice, the tears finally catching up with her as she began to shudder.

 

"I... I don't know..." Conny said quietly and covered his eyes with his arm. "A titan is laying on top of my house...it's crushed...and the titan can't move..." Conny said in a quivering voice.

 

They were both in shock. Both in pain. Both worn out. Their home was destroyed.

 

Lilly looked at him blankly.

 

"There's no blood or remains anywhere...and the horses are still here... I don't know what to think..." He continued.

 

Lilly looked back to her home and frowned.

 

What happened here?

 

"Nanaba and Gelgar are going to lead us to check the wall for the breach. I suggest you go back to headquarters and let them know what has happened." Conny said.

 

Lilly walked forward to pick up a dried lavender sprig. Lilly looked up at him and nodded before swinging herself back onto the horse and riding out without looking back.

 

A loud sob left her lips and then she began to break down on the back of the horse.

 

She wasn't capable of looking back.

 

Because her parents weren't coming back.

 

That was the reality.

 

.………………………………………………………...........

 

It was almost nightfall by the time Lilly returned to headquarters. She was practically falling off the horse from mental and physical exhaustion. Scouts started to surround her as she slid off the horse. She quickly started to make her way to Commander Erwin's office.

 

She swung open the door without knocking and saw Levi was seated across from him at his desk. They both looked at her with wide eyes.

 

Lilly saluted with a grim face, still bloodied and bruised with splotches of dirt. Dried tears streaked her face.

 

"Commander, there are titans in Wall Rose." Lilly said.

 

"What?" Erwin said with wide eyes. "Give me your full report, now." He ordered.

 

Levi's eyes were cutting through Lilly as she spoke with half lidded eyes.

 

"I rode to deliver the news of the mission's success as you asked. But when I arrived, I was forced into combat with dozens of titans that came from the south. I fought to let the 104th cadets escape, alongside Miche, Nanaba, and Gelgar. The 104th split into four groups to notify anyone in the area so that they may evacuate, and also so that they could locate the breach in the wall. I was then sent to join the southern squad, only to find that my home village was destroyed. No villager was found, not even my parents." Lilly said in a empty voice.

 

Levi stood instantly and took Lilly into his arms. He held her tightly against him and pressed his lips to her hair.

 

"They're... gone." Lilly began to quiver, eyes filling with hot tears.

 

"Levi, gather our troops and split them into squads. We need to locate and block that breach as soon as possible. Bring Eren too." Erwin said as he put his jacket on.

 

"Lilly, get cleaned up. You're coming with us." Erwin said.

 

"She's wiped out Erwin." Levi said, slowly pulling from her.

 

"We need all hands on deck." Erwin said before leaving the office.

 

Levi looked back at Lilly when the door clicked shut. He pressed his forehead against hers. She was trying not to scream. Nothing felt real.

 

But he was touching her. He was kissing her.

 

And he was real.

 

He was keeping her from floating away.

 

"Im so sorry." He whispered.

 

She rested her head in the crook of his neck and took a shuddering breath as endless tears ran down her exhausted expression.

 

……………………………………………………………...

 

Lilly sat next to Levi in the wagon with Hange, Eren, and Preacher Nick. She was exhausted, and just fed up. Levi discreetly rubbed little circles on Lilly's hand with his thumb and moved closer to her so that their thighs were tightly pressed side by side.

 

She didn't know why she thought she could be fine on her own and not need him, because after all of this, he was all she had left.

 

And she didn't want to be anywhere else but with him.

 

His touch was like her own personal injection of peace as they rode through the moonlight.

 

She looked at Levi with a tired expression and he gazed back down at her with a gentle look in his eyes. She knew he loved her. Even if he hadn't said it yet, she could feel it in the way he looked at her. She saw it in the way he'd scold her for certain things. She saw it in everything he did for her.

 

Lilly pressed her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes.

 

"Are you two investing in getting married?" The preacher asked in a stern tone.

 

Lilly opened her eyes and felt Levi's attention dart across to the preacher.

 

Hange and Eren's eyes went wide as they looked over to Levi, waiting for an answer.

 

"You know it's not moral to lust and fornicate out of wedlock." The preacher added. "I've been watching you two tonight, it's quite unholy."

 

Lilly's eyes widened.

 

"It's also not polite to stick your shitty nose in other people's business. How about you keep your mouth shut until you want to give us everything you know about the titans in the walls. I wouldn't want to have to stick my gun into you again." Levi leaned forward. "Can't promise you that I will hold back from pulling the trigger this time though. You've been completely useless." Levi said as he glared into the preacher's fearful eyes.

"Yeah. It'd be a real shame considering how much of a holy man you are. You must have good reason to keep what you know secret, while thousands of die in the meantime." Levi said in an even darker tone.

 

It was true, just earlier when they were leaving headquarters, Levi had gotten fed up with the preacher for not answering their questions, no matter what they did to get him to open up. They tried everything.

 

And Levi pulled out a gun and held it against the preacher. She didn't even know he had a gun.

 

But the preacher still wouldn't talk, but he wasn't any good dead.

 

So Hange was keeping him with them for the time being.

 

They rode on through the night, and still there was no sign of a breach. They thought for sure that when they ran into the other squad coming from the other direction, that they'd have had found the breach and Eren could be sent to go block it.

 

But they were wrong.

 

Could they have missed it?

 

The moonlight lit grassy fields before them, revealing their beauty in a whole new way.

 

They continued to ride on further to double check their paths, but still nothing was found. Lilly couldn't help but start to fall asleep on Levi's shoulder. The soft sounds of mumbled voices started to blur and fade into darkness and silence as she slipped into sleep on her lover.

 

...……………………………………………………. ……

 

Lilly woke up to the sounds of booming in the distance, followed by screams.

 

The moonlight was shining on what looked like left over ruins converted into rubble. She saw Christa, Conny, Reiner and Bertholdt running through the rubble, and just as Christa was about to get grabbed by a titan who suddenly emerged, Mikasa flew in and saved her. Eren launched out of the wagon and went to go on a titan killing spree himself. Lilly looked over to Levi who was watching intently as their comrades wiped out the remaining titans.

 


	32. Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilly deals with the sudden lack of emotion that she finds herself dealing with despite her circumstances.
> 
> Levi helps her find her balance and comforts her. 
> 
> ...Revenge?

*LEVI POV*

 

It wasn't till late at night that Lilly and Levi were dropped back off at headquarters to rest. Lilly was too exhausted to move another muscle, so Levi carried her up to his room and helped her get undressed. He gave her one of his shirts to sleep in and gently tucked her into bed.

 

Perhaps in a few days, when she was feeling up to it, he'd take her out somewhere. Maybe he'd take her to Mitras. Buy her a nice dress or something. She looked beautiful in a dress. She looked beautiful in anything she wore.

 

This was all depending on how this whole supposed breach in wall rose situation panned out anyways.

 

They had searched for hours, even double checked their routes, and still no sign of a hole.

 

And as if that wasn't enough of a shock to find more titans within the wall, the titans were the walls. And another member of the 104th was revealed to be a titan shifter as well. Ymir.

 

What a fucking day.

 

Levi glanced down at Lilly who was sleeping quietly under his hand. He had rubbed her back gently until she faded into sleep. She still wore a sullen expression, even on her sleeping face. Her left eye was black, her lip was busted.

 

He wanted to kiss it away. He wanted to take all her pain and make it go away. It angered him to see her face this way. It infuriated him to think someone would lay a finger on someone as kind as her.

 

Especially when she belonged to him.

 

Those fat pigs within Sina were all greedy and self entitled. He wouldn't have been surprised if someone had made a pass on her and she got in a fight.

 

Oh as soon as Lilly told him who did it, he'd rain hell upon them.

 

The more he thought about it, the less sure he was if he'd be able to stop himself from killing the person.

 

He glanced down at Lilly when he heard her sigh in her sleep. The silver pendant dangled off her neck and onto the white bed sheet.

 

Levi took the small silver leaf in his fingers and twisted it while he gazed down at it, feeling it's intricate details on his calloused skin. He let the pendant go and then rested his head against the pillow next to hers. He slowly pulled the covers over him, careful not to wake her.

 

What could he possibly say to comfort her about her parents?

 

That pain, he'd never be able to numb.

 

He knew that personally. He knew it all too well.

 

He thought of his mother often. Usually late at night before he dozed off to sleep, in hopes that she'd visit him in his dreams. Not that he had slept all that much before Lilly gave him that tincture. But when he did, sometimes he'd see her. He'd see her healthy and glowing with life. Her long black hair flowing down her back. Her steel grey eyes that he also inherited.

 

His mother loved him. He knew that. Even if their living conditions were poor, she did what she could for him. Her touch was just as gentle as Lilly's. Her kisses and her hugs were always plentiful. He remembered how she'd hold him close when he was afraid of stupid things. How she'd tickle him to get him to crack a smile. She had called him her angel.

 

He also thought of his mother when he cut his hair. This was because she used to do it for him. And he hated it. He wouldn't hold still for her out of fear she'd cut his ear.

 

How stupid he was.

 

Being raised by Kenny changed him.

 

Kenny was the only male figure he had growing up. He never knew his own father. His father had just been a client of his mother's. And like many clients, they came and they went.

 

But as much of a psychotic asshole Kenny was, he still raised Levi to be a man. He thought him how to fight and how to survive in the cruelty of the underground.

 

And Levi had taught Lilly how to fight with a knife the same way he was taught by Kenny.

 

But he didn't want to think about Kenny anymore. He did just up and leave him one day without a word. And till this day, Levi just wanted to know why.

 

But that shit didn't matter right now.

 

Levi returned his focus on Lilly.

 

His face was just inches from hers, and he could feel her warm little breathes as she breathed through her nose against his face. He wanted to reach out and touch her so badly.

 

He missed her so much lately.

 

He hadn't said anything because he figured she just needed some space to regain her strength.

 

But it killed him.

 

He would see her sitting with Jean at meals, and it would make him jealous. Not that he'd ever say anything. That wasn't the way he was. He would never tell her she couldn't be friends with someone she knew longer than him.

 

It just irritated him, knowing that Jean was in love with her too.

 

Bet that brat felt real smug when Lilly chose to sit with him and Ben the past few days.

 

Tch.

 

That didn't matter either.

 

Because Levi knew that Lilly loved him.

 

It was strange to think. Someone loved him. Someone wanted him.

 

Levi sighed quietly and caved in to his desire to touch her. He carefully scooted closer and wrapped his arm over her and pressed his lips against her forehead. She stirred momentarily but then quickly returned to a peaceful state in his arms.

 

He hoped she'd never change. He hoped she'd remain innocent and kind, even though he knew deep down that war changes people.

 

Death and loss changes people.

 

.............................................

 

*Lilly POV*

 

Lilly woke up in the morning alone in Levi's room. She sat up slowly and rubbed her eyes, but winced and pulled away her hands when she felt the sting on her eye.

 

Oh. Yeah.

 

Lilly frowned to herself and slowly rose out of bed. She walked over to the mirror on the wall and looked at her reflection.

 

Black eye, and a cut and some minor bruising on her lip. She looked down at her pendant and stared at it. Her heart sunk and she quickly turned away from the mirror.

 

She didn't want to remember yesterday. What was April going to think when she found out? Stress wasn't good on a pregnant woman. Or Ben, how was he handling this? Conny must have told him by now...

 

She needed to push this aside.

 

She told herself that but a tear fell from her eye and she quickly wiped it away with her sleeve.

 

Levi's scent filled her nostrils and she close her eyes as she breathed in his scent.

 

That's what she needed.

 

Where was he?

 

Lilly crept down the stairs and peeked into his office to find him cleaning his floor. He had a cloth mask over his face while he scrubbed.

 

"Levi?" Lilly said in a quiet voice.

 

He looked up, with only his eyes showing over his mask. They softened before he rose to his feet. Lilly walked over to him and went to reach out for him, but he pulled his mask down and put his hand out.

 

"Let me wash my hands before I touch you. I don't want to get you dirty." He said before turning to put away his cleaning supplies and washing his hands.

 

He unbuttoned his shirt and removed it and reached for a clean one that he had brought down.

 

Lilly's eyes were glued to his muscular torso as he picked up his shirt. She just wanted to be wrapped up in his arms before she exploded from stress. She couldn't wait any longer.

 

She stepped forward and his eyes darted to her. She reached out for his shirt and put it back on the desk and wrapped her arms around his neck. He quickly brought his arms around her and held her close. She breathed in his scent while his warmth radiated off his chest.

 

She needed this. She really needed this.

 

She started to tremble and her lip started to quiver when she thought of her father.

 

Levi pulled away to look at her face and then quickly pulled her back in.

 

A tear rolled down her cheek and she tried to keep in the ugly noises bottling up in her throat.

 

"It's okay. It's okay." Levi said quietly in her ear. "You can cry. It's okay to cry. I won't think less of you." He said as he rubbed small circles into her back.

 

"I just wanted to be brave like you." Lilly said. "But this is too much. My mother. My father. I promised them I'd stay alive but I never pictured that they'd be the ones to get eaten by titans." She said.

 

Her knees got weak and she slumped to the floor. Levi sat on the floor and held her in his arms while she sobbed quietly against him.

 

"This is too much." She said into his chest.

 

"I'm sorry. I wish I could take this from you." Levi said in a gentle tone. "You don't need to be like me. I want you to be like you. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to be in my arms, come to me." He said quietly.

 

"You won't get sick of me?" She asked as she wiped a tear.

 

"Tch. I'd never get sick of you. I prefer you with me." He answered.

 

Lilly smiled a little against his chest.

 

"You know, I told you how I lost my mother at a young age. I'm not saying the pain goes away. But when you think about how they would've wanted you to live, that's what helps." He said.

 

Lilly looked up at him with glossy eyes.

 

"I keep myself dressed well because growing up, I didn't have clean clothes. I clean a lot, because I lived in an unclean place. I eat and drink plenty of fluids because what good am I if I'm too weak to fight? Would my mother want anything else for me?" He asked.

 

Lilly looked down and thought about his words.

 

He was right. Her parents may have passed. And it killed her to think she'd never see them again. But they'd want her to keep going. They'd want her to live her best life and to be happy.

 

"While you mourn, I'll be here. Your parents were good people. I'm glad they had you and raised you well, and I'm honored to have met them." He said.

 

"Thank you." Lilly whispered before kissing his shoulder softly.

 

They sat quietly for awhile while she sat and thought about his words which already were easing her mind. She needed to focus on them. She needed to focus on continuing to live the way her parents would have wanted, and she needed to fight to avenge them.

 

Lilly paused when she felt Levi move.

 

He moved her hair from her eyes and studied her face. He furrowed his brows.

 

"I can't wait any longer. So I need to ask you again. Who did this to you?" He asked.

 

"I-I don't know." Lilly said quietly.

 

"Don't keep things from me. Not anymore. Promise me." He said in a more serious tone.

 

"I promise you." She said.

 

"Listen. I know this all happened at once. I know this is hard. But we are working on the breach situation, and now we need to take care of this situation. So tell me who." He said.

 

"I really don't know his name. I just know that a cadet I had trained with works under him. That soldier's name is Marlowe." Lilly said.

 

"Why did he do this?" Levi asked.

 

"It was my fault. I got myself into it." Lilly said quietly.

 

Levi stared at her with slightly furrowed brows for a moment.

 

"Tell me what happened." He said again in a low tone.

 

Lilly sighed and cradled her hands. What had happened there was nothing but an angering realization that she hadn't been quite as strong as she had hoped.

 

But she was strong enough to escape and bend that soldier to her will.

 

She fought and won.

 

That at least was a victory in her own eyes.

 

But what would Levi think if she told him she had initially agreed to follow him to that building?

 

She swallowed.

 

"During my battle with the female titan, I found two small children hiding in a alleyway. A boy and a girl. The little girl couldn't have been more than three. And she reminded me of myself." Lilly looked up and smiled weakly.

 

"They had been separated from their mother during the scatter and chaos of the battle breaking out. The chaos that we had initiated in the city. At the time, I couldn't picture what it'd be like to not have my mother. I felt responsible." Lilly looked up at him with a tired expression and sighed.

 

Levi was listening to her quietly, still holding her hands as they sat on his office floor.

 

"I stopped what I was doing to help them. I couldn't leave them. So I brought them to the safety checkpoint at the docks on the river. It was so poorly run, and only by a couple of new recruits and one older guy. They couldn't keep the crowd in check, and they were evacuating painfully slow as a result. People were pushing and screaming and fighting. I was going to need assistance finding their mother. So I pushed my way to the docks with that little girl clinging to my chest, and her brother holding my other hand. When I got to the docks, the older unfamiliar soldier was angered that I was even there. I asked him to help me and he refused. So I tried to yell and lift the girl up in the air. But unfortunately my height and voice betrayed me... no one could hear me over the noise." Lilly breathed.

 

"The soldier wanted something in return for his help. So I dug around for the only coin I had on me, but it must have fallen out during combat. I had nothing to give him, and time was wasting away. My comrades needed me, but I couldn't leave those children in good conscience knowing what people do to children these days..." Lilly frowned and took another breath.

 

"He said he'd help me if I showed him my chest." Lilly closed her eyes and furrowed her brows slightly. "I initially was hesitant. I could never do something like that. But that little girl was looking up at me with those teary eyes so pure and so hopeful that I'd help her." Lilly opened her eyes and smiled slightly at the memory of the small girl.

 

Levi was still and waiting patiently for her to finish before he spoke.

 

"I followed him to the patrol building. It was dark... and once alone I could only manage to unbutton the first two buttons... and I thought of you. And I couldn't go further. Even for those kids I couldn't do it." Lilly looked up with a frown.

 

Levi's eyes watched her expressions carefully as he continued to hold her hands.

 

"I told him no, that I had changed my mind and that I'd find another way. I went to leave and he tried to stop me." Lilly's face grew serious.

 

"He said a deal was a deal, so he pushed me up against a wall. When I went to fight back, he was quick to restrain me by my throat..." Lilly started to feel sick to her stomach just remembering the details.

 

"I started to feel like I wasn't even in my body anymore... like I was floating.. Perhaps it was the lack of oxygen..." Lilly said as her eyes moved up to Levi's.

 

His eyes looked full of anger. Lilly quickly looked down at her hands in his. His chest rose to take a deep breath.

 

"He had unbuttoned my shirt and pulled down my bra... and it was humiliating. I just wanted it to end so I could go help those children. So I thought after that, he'd let me go. But I was wrong." Lilly sighed.

 

"I felt him snake his hand into my pants. I screamed as I tried to fight back, but he got a couple of blows in on my face." Lilly paused when she felt Levi tense up.

 

"That's- that's when I felt something rise in me. Like a switch flipped. And I wasn't afraid anymore... I'm not sure how to describe it, but it was a rush of mental and physical strength for me..." She stared off into space.

 

"He ended up having my blades to his throat by the end of it. I forced him to call the children's mother's name at the docks. And she came." She smiled a little bit.

 

"Marlowe was going to intervene, but when I told him what happened, he let me continue after revealing that this particular soldier had illegally sold government equipment." She said. "I promised I'd come back for him. And that my very close friend would be there." She looked up at Levi once more. "I'm sorry if you're angry with me." She said.

 

"I'm not angry with you." Levi said as he rose up off the floor and grabbed his shirt. "But I'm going to fucking kill this piece of shit." He said in a rather calm voice.

 

She could see he was fuming inside, despite his calm outer appearance.

 

"I know you. I know you wouldn't have done that. I predicted you'd change your mind before you even got to that part. So that's irrelevant. But I'm going to rip this guy's fucking throat out of his neck." He said as he buttoned his shirt up.

 

Lilly was quiet as relief washed over her. She rose off the ground and looked down at the shirt she was wearing.

 

"I'm going to go get bathed and dressed." Lilly said quietly.

 

"Go ahead. I'm telling the Commander we have business to attend to. We are leaving." He said.

 

"Leaving? Where?" Lilly asked.

 

"Stohess." Levi said.

 

"Now?" Lilly asked.

 

"I'm going to let Erwin know the crimes that this scumbag committed and let him know that we are speaking with his commanding officers. This cannot go unpunished. It absolutely fucking won't." Levi said in a dark voice.

 

"Thank you." Lilly said before she kissed Levi's cheek.

 

"Get dressed. Hurry. And not in your uniform." Levi said as he sipped his tea.

 

She could tell he was about to explode.

 

Lilly didn't question him. She nodded and quickly went upstairs to bathe and get dressed.

 

...

 

Lilly had brushed her hair and worn it down. She wore a pale blue dress that her father had bought her. She looked like a normal woman.

 

When Levi saw her, his eyes looked her up and down. He stood before her in his suit and wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her against him.

 

"You look beautiful." He said into her ear.

 

"Even with this black eye?" She scoffed.

 

"Yes." He kissed her. "I spoke to Erwin. He's given us permission to leave for today. They still haven't found a breach. Hange is running by some theories but hasn't spoken of any in detail yet." Levi said.

 

"Then how did the titans get in?" Lilly asked.

 

"That's what Hange is trying to guess."

 

Levi led Lilly outside to the old military carriage that was waiting for them. He put out his hand to help Lilly up as she lifted her dress so she could step up. She sat down quietly and leaned back against the seat. She'd never been inside an actual carriage.

 

Levi sat next to her and put his arm casually around her. The carriage began to move forward a minute later.

 

"Why couldn't I just wear my uniform?" Lilly asked.

 

"If we end up speaking to officials, you need to look presentable." Levi said simply.

 

Lilly nodded her head. It made sense.

 

"But we may have some free time afterwards." Levi added.

 

Lilly looked at him with wide eyes.

 

"Are you going to take me on a date?" Lilly asked.

 

"Would that make you feel better?" He asked in a low voice as he looked at her.

 

Lilly could tell he was trying to do what he could for her, despite their circumstances. They couldn't live normal lives in the military. Things weren't ever simple and easy. But he took any opportunity that he could to do the right thing.

 

So now she was preparing herself to come face to face with the man who assaulted her, because Levi wanted to bring justice to her. And now he wanted to take her out to ease her pain of dealing with her loss.

 

Hopefully when they returned, Hange will have settled on an answer on how titans had appeared within Wall Rose with no way of getting in.

 

"I mean... I'd like that. I've never been on one before." Lilly said as she perked up.

 

Levi pulled her closer and then turned his head to look out the window at the grassy fields they were passing. Lilly admired his handsome neck and jawline as he gazed outside.

 

"Then yes." He answered.


	33. No one likes Nile Dok

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys, what a crazy week it’s been. I’ve veen getting ready for Boston comic con and putting my mikasa cosplay together. Anyone from New England?
> 
> Anyways thanks for being patient and I love you guys!

When it came down to the bottom line, Lilly just wanted to be a good soldier. 

She wanted to be the perfect image of a strong and selfless hero and live up to everyone’s standards who depended on her. 

And she had no idea that when she’d join the military, that it’d be this complicated. 

She wasn’t a machine. But yet there was so much pressure to act as merely a number to be sacrificed without second thought. 

Did her life matter? Did anyone’s death matter? 

That was the main question in this world. 

And it was left up to her to decide. 

Every decision she made would decide.

And it was also up to the soldiers who lived to carry out the will of the dead. She sometimes felt as if the dead were lurking over her shoulder, watching and waiting to see if they had laid down their lives for nothing. 

But she could only think of one person who felt the pressure more than anyone.

A mound of dead soldiers were piling up, and at the top stood Commander Erwin Smith. 

Lilly could only imagine the burden that Erwin carried as he sent soldiers to their deaths in efforts to assist humanity. 

To make sure all those lives that were given weren’t in vain. 

Lilly thought of this as she rode in the wagon with Levi on their way to Stohess. 

“It’s a shame I can’t see you in a dress as often. It suits you.” Levi leaned in and said in her ear in a low tone. 

“Thank you.” Lilly said as she looked up at him. She took a breath and paused. “I was wondering, what did you think of me when you first saw me? Did you expect me to be where I am now?” Lilly asked quietly as she sat up against the seat. 

Just then the wagon went over a small bump and shook them. 

Levi looked at her with a plain expression but his lip dared to curve into a curious smile.

“Why?” He asked.

His intoxicating gaze was on her. 

“Because when I fist saw you, I thought you were the best example of a good soldier. Of course, I didn’t know you. But I wanted to be like you. And I was just.... me...” Lilly admitted. “So what did you think when you first saw me?” She asked again. 

Levi was quiet. He stared into space as if he couldn’t believe what she was saying. 

He then looked up at her again with a steady gaze. 

“When I saw you in Trost, the first thing I was drawn to was the uniqueness of your appearance. You have beautiful hair. I’ve never seen someone with such beautiful hair.” He looked at her and paused. “Frankly I just thought you were stunning. At first when I saw you had joined the scout regiment, I thought it was a waste. You were so beautiful and quiet. I thought you’d make a better housewife than a soldier.” He said as he looked into her eyes. 

She could tell he was carefully choosing his words before he spoke. 

“But I had misjudged you. You were skilled. The way you maneuvered in your gear.... it was as if you’ve trained for years, and not just the years in training Corps. You caught our attention, Erwin and I. We saw you were intelligent and had the capacity to learn quickly. And when I saw how badly you sucked at hand to hand, I knew it was my chance to make something great out of you. An ideal soldier.” He said in a low tone. 

“But as I spent more time with you, the more I realized I knew I needed you around. Even if I had beat the shit out if you in our first spar....” He admitted. 

“Even though saw me make a fool of myself... .” Lilly interrupted. 

Levi smirked. 

“I remember. Tch. How could I forget. You caught me off guard. I couldn’t decide if you had moved like that intentionally or not. It was strange... you were strange. But I couldn’t deny that I was interested..” He said quietly. 

Lilly paused and stared at him. 

She now knew the truth. Everything was out in the air between them. 

Why they had caught interest in each other. 

It was nothing more than opposites attracting. He had what she lacked. She had what he lacked. Together they improved one each other. 

She saw that even as her almost white hair mingled with his raven hair when they laid down at night together. 

They completed one another. 

And it was love.

 

........

 

They finally entered Stohess and Lilly perked up as they entered the gates. 

“Who are we talking to exactly?” Lilly asked. 

“Nile Dok.” Levi said in a unenthusiastic voice. 

“Oh.. that’s the Commander of the Military Police Brigade right?” Lilly asked. 

“Yes. Unfortunately.” Levi huffed. 

When they arrived in front of the Military Police base, Levi stood up and adjusted his coat. 

“Ready?” He asked as he offered his hand.

Lilly looked up at him and nodded before taking his hand. 

They exited the carriage and stood before the base quietly for a moment. Levi looked at Lilly and leaned in to speak into her ear. 

“I need you to be confident in there when explaining your case. They don’t particularly like the Survey Corps in there, and will without a doubt protect their own, not matter how wrong they may be.” Levi frowned. 

Lilly nodded. 

“They are fucking assholes.” Levi said blatantly as he led her to the door. 

Once inside, Lilly saw many soldiers in the hallways. When she looked to her right, she saw a room filled with older looking soldiers who appeared to be playing a game. 

That was odd to her. 

Even she had hardly any time for fun. Her days were filled with hours of training. 

They continued forward to the end of the Hall where there was a door with two guards outside it. They looked at Levi and nodded respectfully.

“Captain Levi. What brings you here?” The blonde man on the left asked. 

“Is Commander Nile in there? It is important.” Levi said in a serious tone. 

“Alright, he is alone in there at the time. I will notify him. Just wait here.” The blonde said. 

Lilly stood quietly as she waited for the young MP to return from telling Commander Nile that they were waiting to speak to him. Soon enough the young soldier returned and waved them in. 

Nile was sitting at a desk full of paper work and reluctantly waved Levi in. Lilly followed Levi in quietly and took their seats before Nile. 

“Captain Levi. I didn’t expect to see you here. Ever.” Nile spoke in a cold tone as he neatly stacked his paperwork. 

“Gladly wouldn’t have came if it wasn’t concerning one of your men being out of line.” Levi said in a equally cold tone. 

 

“Really? Seems that the only soldiers out of lime are those of the Survey Corps. Taking it upon yourselves to start an operation without permission outside your jurisdiction, costing hundred of lives and even more cost wise.” Nile shot back.

Nile shot an angry glare at Levi before looking at Lilly with interest in his eyes. 

“Who is this young woman?” Nile asked, 

“Her name is Lilly Holmes, and she was assaulted by one of your men. She works under me, and we demand justice.” Levi said sternly. 

“Assaulted? By who? How and when?” Nike asked skeptically as he leaned back in his seat. 

Levi looked to Lilly, giving her permission to speak. 

She took a deep breath as Nile’s eyes were glued to her. 

Then she told him what had happened. 

 

.............

 

“Well, seems to me you got yourself into that situation.” Nile sighed as he leaned forward.

“What? No... I told him no before I went any further.” Lilly said. 

“You did agree to go with him at first, Yes?” Nike asked. 

“Well yes but that doesn’t mean that-“ 

“You shouldn’t have teased the man.” Nile said. 

Lilly stood up and scowled. 

“I may have agreed at first, but that means nothing. The second I said no, he should have let me go. I am a human being, not an object. And no man is entitled to my body without my consent.” Lilly spat. 

“Well unfortunately I don’t think anyone will see it that way. Seems to me you were acting a bit slutty. And men will be men.” Nike said nonchalantly.

Lilly dove over the desk and grabbed Nile by his collar and raised her fist.

Levi quickly pulled her back down to her seat and rubbed her back mildly. 

“There’s nothing I can do for you, Captain. I must return to my work here if you don’t mind.” Nile adjusted his collar and lowered his eyes to his paperwork. 

Lilly looked over to a small framed portrait of a woman with a small child on his desk. She frowned and sighed. 

“Is that your wife?” Lilly asked.

Nile looked up and raised his black brow at her. 

“Yes. And my son. She is due with another any day now.” Nile answered in an almost softer tone. 

“I wish that nothing like what happened to me ever happens to her.” Lilly said quietly as she rose out of her seat and turned her back to him. 

Lilly could feel Nile’s eyes in her back. 

“Lilly, lets get out of this rat hole. The Military Police prove just how worthless they are more and more everyday.” Levi said in a dark voice as he made his way to the door. 

Lilly quietly followed Levi out if the office. 

......

“So that’s it? That was justice?” Lilly questioned as she tried to catch up with Levi who seemed to be in a hurry to exit the base.

“No. That was just Nile Dok. No one fucking likes Nile Dok. We need to find Marlowe.” Levi said as he walked quickly. 

“He’s probably here somewhere...” Lilly said. 

Then she saw Hitch, who she knew was particularly close to Marlowe. She had just walked in through the front entrance. 

“Hitch!” Lilly shouted. 

Hitch turned her gaze to Lilly and smiled. 

“Holy shit. Lilly? I almost didn’t recognize you. What are you doing here?” Hitch asked as she looked back and forth between Lilly and Levi and patted her shirt down. 

“I’m looking for Marlowe. Can you tell me where to find him?” Lilly asked.

“Yeah he’s right outside. He just came back from patrol.” Hitch said with a hint of curiosity in her voice as she raised a brow.

“Okay thank you!” Lilly said hurriedly as she grabbed Levi’s arm and pulled him towards the door. 

.......

 

Once outside the doors, Lilly and Levi stood to look around them. Marlowe had to be around here somewhere. 

Then she saw the black bowl cut that she was looking for. 

Lilly put her small hand on Levi’s sturdy shoulder and pointed. 

“That’s him. That’s Marlowe.” Lilly said. 

“Alright.” Levi said calmly.

They made there way over to Marlowe who was unloading a wagon.

“Marlowe.” Levi said as they approached. 

Marlowe turned and his eyes widened and he dropped the box he was holding.

“Oh uh Captain Levi.” Marlowe saluted respectfully. 

“At ease.” Levi nodded.

Marlowe lowered his at, and his eyes switched to Lilly. He nodded his head to her politely.

“Lilly. I’m sure I can guess why you’re here. For Otto...” Marlowe said quietly.

“So that’s his name?” Levi asked to confirm. 

“Uh Yes. Yes his name is Otto Petrov.” Marlowe said to Levi. 

“Do you know where we can find Otto?” Levi asked. 

“Well about this time he’s probably at the bar down the street. It’s on the corner of the central square. After he’s drunk he usually visits the brothel on the other end of town. Needless to say he spends all his wages on those kind of things. He’s a ... a real shitbag.” Marlowe said with a frown. 

“So I’ve become aware. Thanks for your cooperation.” Levi said before turning to head towards the direction of the bar. 

“Thank you Marlowe.” Lilly said before turning around. 

He nodded to her before picking up the box he dropped. 

.........

Once Lilly caught up with Levi, he joined his arm with hers and kept walking forward. 

“Once we are inside, I want you to point him out.” Levi said calmly.

“Okay.” Lilly said quietly. 

She couldn’t deny it made her skin crawl knowing she was going to see this guy again, but right now she had no control of anything in her life except for how she responded to situations. 

This was the only control she had. 

Levi opened the door to the bar and Lilly followed him in quietly. No one really turned around to look at them from their tables. They were too busy with card games and their drunken squandering. Lilly was surprised to see so many military police just hanging out in there as if they didn’t have a job. 

Lilly kept her eyes peeled and searched around in a discrete manner. Levi sat at the bar and ordered two whiskeys. Lilly sat down beside him and looked at him curiously. He kept his head forward as he watched the bartender pour the two drinks. 

“Do you see him?” Levi asked in a low tone as he kept his eyes forward. 

Lilly carefully and slowly turned her head and looked in the corner to their left. That’s where most of the noise was coming from. 

Then she saw him. She saw the man who had attacked her. 

He was laughing and shouting obnoxiously as he played a game of cards with a couple other men. He had a few empty mugs next to him. 

Lilly’s pulse started pounding inside her head and her cheeks got warm. 

Anger. 

“I see him.” Lilly said quietly to Levi.

The bartender slid the drinks over to them and Lilly looked down at her drink. She’d never had an alcoholic drink before.

“Which one is he?” Levi asked as he gripped his drink lightly on the counter. 

“The one with the dark hair sitting in the corner. He has three or four cups next to him.” Lilly said quietly as she rose the shot glass to her lips. 

Lilly took a sip and instantly her face twisted and she put the cup back down. It was disgusting and it burned. 

How could people drink this stuff?

She watched as Levi took his shot smoothly. He put his glass down and looked at Lilly with his emotionless eyes, those beautiful ice caves, and she could see there was nothing warm in them. He was about to do something awful. 

He grabbed her glass and downed it easily before setting it back down and getting out of his seat and giving Lilly his suit jacket. Lilly looked at him with wide eyes as she gripped on to the warm material. 

She watched as he casually walked over to the table that Otto and his obnoxious friends were sitting at. Levi was carefully rolling up his sleeves of his white button up shirt as he neared the table. Otto looked up at Levi, and without a second to spare, Levi wound up his fist and sent it hard against Otto’s temple. Otto went flying out of his seat and onto the floor. 

“What the?!” One of the other men stood from his table. 

“You got a lot of balls starting a fight shorty.” Another man said as he grabbed a bottle and went to swing it at Levi. 

Levi quickly grabbed his arm and twisted it and the man screamed out in agony. Otto got off the floor and went to throw a punch to Levi’s head but Levi ducked, causing Otto to hit the man that Levi had disarmed. Levi turned when another man swung a chair at him and Levi pulled Otto into the path of it, causing the chair to smash over Otto’s head. Levi grabbed the other man by the collar and threw him into the table, sending glass and cards everywhere. 

“That’s Captain Levi Ackerman!” Someone shouted from across the room.

Otto looked up as he wiped the blood from his nose and spat. 

Lilly was standing up at this point, holding onto Levi’s jacket tightly in her arms.

Otto then looked at Lilly and scowled as he looked at the jacket in her arms.

“So this is what you’re here for huh? That little slut?” Otto said as he rose slowly to his feet. 

Levi quickly turned his face and his canines were showing. She hadn’t seen him this full of rage ever. 

Otto casually picked up a bottle and then flipped it in his hand so he was grabbing the neck of it. He then charged at Levi and Levi kicked Otto’s foot from under him and grabbed the bottle out of his hand before smashing it over Otto’s face. 

Lilly furrowed her brows as she watched. She wanted to jump in herself, but she was wearing this dress that only allowed her to move so much. She clutched onto his jacket tightly as she clenched her teeth. Levi was fighting off the other two men now. She watched as Levi head butted one of the men in the face, sending him to the ground. 

Everyone in the bar was gathering around now to watch. Lilly looked around her nervously and then felt a hand grab her arm and pull her. Her back was then pulled tightly against the front of Otto, and he held a broken bottle to her throat. He was severely intoxicated, and his breath stank of alcohol. 

“Ah don’t get any ideas pretty. I don’t play fair. I play to win.” Otto’s hot breath was on her neck. 

“Levi!” Lilly screamed before Otto’s other hand covered her mouth. 

“Otto what are you doing?! Leave that woman alone!” The bartender shouted. 

Levi had turned with the two men he was fighting knocked out cold. His eyes darted to Otto who was holding the broken edge of the bottle to Lilly’s neck, and it was already grazing at her flesh. 

Levi stepped closer and Otto stepped back. 

“How about you leave, and I let your girl here go.” Otto said in a dark voice. 

Voices around them mumbled. 

Lilly had started reaching for the gun in Levi’s coat pocket, and Levi’s eyes were watching her carefully.

“Go on Captain. Get out and there won’t be anymore trouble.” Otto said. 

“Not a chance.” Levi said as he stood in place waiting for Lilly to retrieve the gun. 

“Oh c’mon Captain. She agreed to it.” He said as he continued to hold the broken bottle to Lilly’s neck.

“She told you no, and the second you heard those words, you should have kept your filthy hands off her. You’ve committed a crime, and should be ripped of your uniform.” Levi growled.

“I was just having some fun Captain.” Otto chuckled in Lilly’s ear.

“How disgusting.” A woman said in the background.

“A military police shouldn’t be acting like that.” Another voice grumbled. 

“These are the men who are protecting us?!” A woman gasped.

 

Finally she felt the cold metal in her hand. She took hold of it and slowly moved it out of the jacket. She then aimed it between her legs so it was right before Otto’s thigh. 

She’d save herself. 

This was her revenge. 

Levi looked Lilly in her eyes and nodded his hid slightly, giving Lilly the okay. 

Lilly pulled the trigger and a loud pop went off. 

Everyone ducked and screamed. Otto shouted and threw Lilly to the ground. 

“Son of a bitch!” Otto cursed as he held his thigh, blood gushing from it.

“Someone get the military police! And not the useless ones drunk in the bar!” The bartender shouted.

Levi quickly helped Lilly up and took the gun from her and walked over to Otto. Levi crouched over Otto and stared at him coldly. 

Lilly watched quietly as she rubbed her neck. 

Levi grabbed Otto’s left wrist and broke it over his knee. Otto screamed. 

“That was the hand you used to hold that glass to her throat.” Levi said in a calm manner.

He reached for Otto’s right hand. 

“No! Please don’t-“ 

Levi snapped his other wrist before he could finish begging. 

“And that is for everything else you did to her.” He said calmly as he watched as Otto writhing in pain. 

“You won’t be using your hands to do anything useless for a long time. You know, drinking, gambling, illegally selling government equipment, assaulting young women. Don’t worry, it’s not like you’ve ever used your hands to do anything useful. Shitbag.” Levi said as he rose off the ground. 

Lilly approached Levi quietly and he turned to her. 

“Are you alright?” He asked. 

“Yes.... lets just go.” Lilly said as she looked around at everyone who was staring at them. 

Levi grabbed her arm and led her out without another word. 

..................

 

Levi’s shirt was speckled with blood and alcohol. Lilly knew it was probably eating him alive as they walked back towards the military carriage. 

“We can go home... I know you’re a bit dirty now and are probably uncomfortable.” Lilly said quietly. 

Levi looked at her with a small smirk. 

“I packed a spare in the carriage.” He said. 

Lilly looked at him with wide eyes. 

“What? You didn’t expect me to think that I might get a little messy taking care of that asshole? We still have some time, let’s kill it.” He said as he reached into the carriage and pulled out a suitcase with spare clothes inside. 

“Well I.. what do you want to do?” Lilly asked as she climbed into the carriage with Levi and shut the door and closed the curtains so he could change. 

“You must be hungry.” Levi said as he pulled off his shirt. 

“Yes.” Lilly said as she held her stomach and looked at Levi’s shirtless torso. 

“There’s some nice places around here.” Levi said casually as he buttoned his new shirt. 

“I didn’t think to bring any coin..” Lilly said. 

“Tch. Do you really think I’d let you pay?” Levi scoffed as he slid on a clean pair of pants. 

“Well, I mean for what you did back there for me...” Lilly said as she thought about Levi giving Otto complete hell in the bar. 

He snapped both his wrists for touching her. 

Not to mention the glass shards in Otto’s face....

That nasty excuse of a soldier would be hurting for a long time. 

Lilly’s fingers traced over the cut on her neck as she thought. 

Levi’s fingers reached up and touched the cut on Lilly’s neck and he took in a deep breath as his hand then snaked up into her light hair and pulled her face close to his. He stared into her eyes, with his lips in a tight line. 

“I’ll do anything for you.” He said.

Butterflies filled Lilly’s gut and she smiled at him. 

She reached her hand up and touched the side of his face before planting a kiss on his lips. His lips became alive and kissed her softly back. 

“Thank you.” She said hovering a hair from his face, her lips just brushing against his lips as she spoke. Here eyelashes fluttered as she looked into his eyes. 

“Don’t thank me, you brat.” He said in a gentle tone. 

“You keep calling me that, and you might actually ending up making me believe I am one, Captain.” Lilly said softly.

She knew he couldn’t stand it when she called him Captain.

“Do you need to be put in line, Cadet?” He said as he pulled her bottom lip open with his thumb.

He leaned in and brushed his tongue against hers. She pulled away and smiled. 

“Not here at least.” Lilly grinned. “C’mon. Let’s go before this time is gone.” 

 

She wondered where they were going to go.


	34. Amethyst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilly and Levi kill the last of their spare time in Stohess before heading back to headquarters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Baby chapter, but currently working on the next few larger chapters.
> 
> Thank you all for your support as usual <3

Lilly walked closer next to Levi as they headed down a busy street of Stohess. Lilly looked around as the sounds of people chattering and wagons passing through the brick streets filled the air. 

The familiar scent of fresh baked bread was also in the cool breeze, and for a minute, her heart ached of home. 

She frowned to herself for a minute until Levi glanced over to her. He quietly joined his arm with hers and continued to lead her towards the center square where many vendors had set up stands to sell their goods. 

There were stands for all sorts of things along the square. Some had books, others had trinkets, others had fresh baked goods. 

But one stand in particular had caught Lilly’s attention. 

Lilly was drawn to the shiny crystals and rocks that were set out on display in front of an elderly woman who appeared to be blind in one eye. Her hair was completely grey, and she wore a purple dress. 

Many years were etched onto her face, and Lilly could feel that many wisdoms were as well. 

Lilly absentmindedly slipped her arm from Levi’s and approached the stand quietly and looked down at the arrangement of strange stones. 

“Good afternoon.” Lilly greeted politely to the elder woman.

“It is, isn’t it?” The old woman smiled and looked up at Lilly. 

Lilly noticed that the woman’s good eye was a light green color. Like the color of white sage.

“You have a lovely assortment here.” Lilly said gesturing to the stones and crystals. 

“Do you see anything that interests you?” The woman asked.

Lilly looked down at one purple crystal that she couldn’t take her eyes off of. She then looked over her shoulder to look for Levi. She smiled to herself when she saw he had wondered over to a stand that carried flowers. She quickly turned her head back to the woman with the smile still warmly worn on her face. The woman looked up at her knowingly and smiled.

“I know that look on your face well. You’re in love.” The woman said. 

Lilly’s eyes widened and she lowered her head.

“How could you possibly know that?” Lilly said in almost a whisper. 

“I can see. I can also feel.” The woman said. 

“Feel?” Lilly asked. 

“Give me your hand young girl.” The woman said. 

Lilly gently reached over and placed her hand in the woman’s. The woman’s hands were soft and wrinkled. Lilly looked down at the woman’s stone rings on her aged hands and then up to her wise face. The old woman had closed her eyes and appeared to be concentrating. 

“You’re strong.” The woman said and then took a sigh. “A soldier. You face the beasts that are keeping us here.” The woman paused again. 

A soft breeze blew between them and lifted their hair slightly. 

“Your heart aches. But your resolve is greater than your pain.” The woman said in a low tone. 

Lilly’s eyes were practically burning a hole into this woman as her mind tried to comprehend how this woman could know any of this. 

“Something terrible is coming. Our history...... you will unravel it.” The woman said. 

“What? What is coming? Unravel our history? What does that mean?” Lilly asked. 

“I see a great blessing coming to you.” The woman smiled and seemed to ignore Lilly’s question. 

Lilly tilted her head in confusion.

“Your lover. He’s coming now for you.” The woman said with her eyes still closed. 

Just then Lilly turned around and saw Levi had started walking towards her. Lilly’s mouth hung open. The woman opened her eyes and smiled warmly as she let go of Lilly’s hand. 

“You’re a special woman.” Lilly said. 

“Me, no. You, yes. You will change this world as we know it.” The woman smiled. 

Lilly looked at her with her eyes wide in confusion. 

“Take the Amethyst. It called to you. Peace and balance.” The woman said. 

“Your name?” Lilly asked as the woman handed her the quartz. 

“Camille.” The woman smiled. 

Lilly felt Levi’s sturdy hand on her shoulder. 

“Oh, Levi.” Lilly smiled. 

He held a white rose to her and Lilly took it carefully in her fingertips. Lilly smiled as she held it to her nose. 

“Thank you, it’s beautiful.” Lilly said softly. 

“Are you ready to go?” Levi asked as he looked at her with his icy gaze. 

“Before you go, young man, I’m interested in reading you.” Camille spoke out. 

“What do you mean by read me?” Levi asked skeptically. 

“I want to see you.” Camille held out her hand. 

Levi raised his thin black brow slightly and paused as he was thinking. 

Lilly nodded her chin to assure him it was harmless. 

He then slowly reached his calloused hand out to Camille’s and rested it there in hers. 

Lilly watched as Camille closed her eyes and concentrated. She looked up at Levi who was wearing his typical half lidded bored expression as he looked down at Camille and waited. 

“You have an old pain, and it still sings the same.” Camille said quietly. 

Levi instantly narrowed his eyes and furrowed his brows. 

“She changes everything.” Camille smiled with her eyes closed still. 

Lilly looked up at Levi who’s eyes were still set on Camille. 

“You have achieved greatness. You inspire......” Camille quietly trailed off as another thing appeared to have entered her mind. 

“You will lead rebels. More death. Your past will come back for you. You will know why he left. And you will have your chance to end the cycle.” Camille said quietly.

Levi quickly removed his hand from Camille’s and glared down at her coldly.

“I’ve heard enough. We don’t have time for this.” Levi said quickly as he led Lilly away hurriedly. 

Lilly looked back at the woman who was smiling and waving at her. Lilly looked back up at Levi and could feel he was tense. His eyes were set forward as he quickly led them to a sweet shop. 

Lilly softly sighed when the sweet smell of chocolate entered her nostrils. She looked up at Levi who seemed to be still thinking about what the woman had said to him. He then looked down at her and breathed in before speaking. 

“Have you ever had chocolate?” Levi asked in a uneven tone. 

“No... we never had the money to enjoy that kind of thing.” Lilly said without actually saying ‘her parents’. 

It helped to not speak those words, since they no longer belonged to her.

Levi looked down at her and studied her face for a quick moment before opening the door for her and allowing her to enter the shop.

Lilly’s eyes brightened once she was inside. Her eyes were immediately drawn to the glass cases that were filled with various sweets and pastries. She could see the bakers working hard in the kitchen behind the case in their white coats and hats. Then Lilly’s eyes traced up the wall and ceiling beams that were painted a stunning gold color that contrasted the dark brown floor boards beautifully. It was the nicest shop she’d ever been in. Lilly approached the case sheepishly and her lips fell apart ever so slightly as she gazed at the intricate sweets inside. She held the white rose against her chest as she felt Levi stand next to her. 

“Do you see anything you want?” Levi asked in a low voice as he stuck his hands in his pockets. 

Lilly looked up at him as his hair hung slightly in his face. It was getting longer now. Perhaps he’d let her trim his hair as he cut hers. 

She continued staring at him quietly and admired his face until one of the bakers came up to the case and smiled. 

“Can I help you?” The baker asked in a friendly tone. 

Lilly looked at him and smiled. He was a heavier set man with a plump happy face. He had a thick brown mustache and light brown eyes under thick brown eyebrows. He appeared to be happy working there, and Lilly herself would be just as happy to get to work in a place like this for a living. 

Lilly looked back down at the case and saw a small striped chocolate that had been labeled a chocolate covered cherry. Lilly’s mouth watered at the thought of what that could taste like. 

“That one?” Levi pointed to the chocolate she was looking at. 

“Yes, that one looks good.” Lilly said trying to hide her eagerness. 

“Will that be all?” The baker asked. 

“Yes.” Levi said. 

 

................

 

“How come you didn’t get anything?” Lilly asked as she held the small white box that contained the chocolate as they headed back to the military carriage. 

“I’ve had my fair share of chocolate already.” Levi opened the carriage door and helped Lilly inside. 

“It’s getting chillier now.” Lilly said once seated inside. 

Levi shut the door and sat next to her. He removed his jacket and draped it over her quietly. 

His face was serious as he stared off into space.

“Thank you for everything.” Lilly spoke softly. 

“Don’t thank me. At least not yet. Eat that chocolate before it melts.” He answered. 

Lilly looked down at the box and smiled. She carefully opened the box and took the small sweet in her hands. She lifted it to her mouth and paused. 

“Should we split it in half?” She asked. 

“Tch. No just eat it.” He said with his arm casually draped around her shoulder. 

Lilly put it in her mouth and her face immediately lit up. 

This was what she was missing her entire life?! 

She chewed it slowly and took in the flavor and it felt like lights were flashing behind her eyelids. 

“You know, this might be just as good as sex.” Lilly said with her eyes still closed as she swallowed the last of the chocolate. 

She heard Levi scoff beside her and shake his head. 

“Just as good?” He asked. 

“Mhm.” Lilly finally opened her eyes to see him staring into hers with an intrigued expression. 

“Your comparing my sex to a piece of chocolate?” He asked with a straight face, slightly pulling her closer to him. 

“I think so?” Lilly giggled. 

“Well which is better?” He asked in a low voice.

“Hmmm.” Lilly teased. 

“You’re nothing but a brat.” He leaned in and pressed his forehead against hers. “Maybe we’ll just help you make the final decision when we get back.” He said as he pressed his lips against her mouth. 

Her body relaxed as she returned the kiss, and she soon found his tongue entering her mouth again. She ran her fingers up his undercut and into his longer hair where she gripped and tugged as his lips softly traced over her jaw and down her neck. 

He slowly withdrew and leaned back in the seat, leaving her burning and quivering with arousal. 

“Really?” She huffed as she leaned back. 

 

“That chocolate did taste good.” He said as he turned his head and looked out the window. 

 

............

 

Once back at the Barracks that night, Lilly showered alone in the woman’s barracks and thought to herself. She thought about Otto and what happened in that bar while she scrubbed her arms. She thought about her parents and how badly she missed them while she washed her chest. She thought about the things that Camille had spoken to her and Levi as she rinsed her hair. She thought of her first chocolate experience as she washed her face. She thought of April while she dried herself off with her towel. 

 

She thought about her future and what was to come as she carefully made her way through the darkness on her way to Levi’s office in the dead of night. 

 

And she did it all peacefully. 

 

With peace and balance tucked away carefully inside her pocket.


	35. So Ist Es Immer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chocolate or sex?  
> Lilly visits April.  
> Levi is shook.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve uploaded two chapters for you guys.
> 
> Buckle up.

Lilly entered Levi’s office without knocking. 

 

Levi continued to stack his paperwork at his desk without looking at her.

“Rude.” He said. 

“Oh am I?” Lilly asked as she sat on his desk casually, tapping her fingertips lightly on the wood.

His eyes watched her fingers as they danced on the edge of his desk, and he sat up in his seat with interest. His hair was still slightly damp from a shower he’d recently taken and it hung slightly in his face. 

“I’m sorry, is this rude as well?” Lilly asked. 

Levi rose from his seat and slowly swaggered around the desk with his hand trailing against the edge until his fingers found the soft skin of her hand. 

He didn’t speak.

Instead he continued to make small circles on her wrist with his thumb. 

“I still haven’t made my decision on what was better.” Lilly tilted her chin up slightly and smiled devilishly. 

She knew that he knew what she meant by that. 

Levi stared down at her with his mouth in a tight line. His eyes had a hungry look in them.

“Were you going to help me decide, Captain?” Lilly purred.

He roughly parted her legs and pushed himself between them. 

Lilly jumped at the sudden advance. 

Levi held her face in his hand and stared into her eyes before kissing her hard. So hard that it almost hurt. He started to press into her, causing her to fall back onto his desk. He assaulted her neck with his lips and his tongue, and scraped his teeth across her tender skin hungrily. He lifted one of her legs up over his hip and grinded against her. 

Lilly let out a gasp and clenched onto his shirt. 

“We are going to wreck your paperwork.” Lilly said into his ear with a slight giggle. 

He looked under her and saw that his once neat stack was now scattered. 

“Are you suggesting we take this upstairs?” He asked.

“Mm.” Lilly answered quietly. 

Levi paused for a moment and huffed.

“Fine.” He answered before lifting Lilly off the desk with ease. 

He placed her on the floor and nodded towards the stairs with a impatient expression on his face. 

Lilly turned and started to make her way up the dark stairway with heat building inside of her.

Once they entered the room, they paused and looked over to the bed that was glowing in the moonlight. Lilly turned and took Levi’s hand and led him to the bed. She pushed against his chest to make him sit down on the mattress. 

She could tell that he let himself be pushed in anticipation.

Once seated, he looked at Lilly curiously. 

Lilly stood before him and slowly undid her shirt before discarding it to the floor. Levi watched as she undid her bra and tossed it to the ground as well. 

Now the pale moonlight glistened in her hair and on her bare breasts, and Levi lifted his hand to touch her. 

His touch was gentle as he took his time feeling her chest under his hand. She closed her eyes to take it all in. She felt his lips plant kisses against her belly and onto her hip bones. Then she felt his hands snake down her abdomen and begin undoing her pants. 

In no time, she was stark naked before him. 

And she felt completely comfortable. 

She swallowed and lowered herself down to her knees and pushed his legs apart. She could easily see his arousal through his pants and placed her hand over it. It felt firm under her hand, and she could feel it throbbing. She looked back up into Levi’s steely eyes and felt her heart flutter. 

She began to gently rub over his length in his pants and heard him let out a small breath. She continued like that for a few minutes, slowly adding more pressure. His breathing became more like panting and Lilly could tell he was enjoying it. She then stopped and deftly undid his pants. He looked down at her with curiosity as she withdrew his long member and took it in her hand. 

His eyes looked different. 

They looked vulnerable for once. 

She thought back to the first time they had sex, and how he had pleasured her with his mouth. 

Perhaps she could do the same for him? 

Lilly licked her lips and brought her mouth over the head, and she heard him suck in a sharp breath. She began working her hand up and down his length while thrusting him back and forth over her tongue. 

Levi clenched onto the bed sheets and moaned under his breath. Lilly looked up at him to see his cheeks were pink and his mouth was slightly parted. 

She wasn’t really sure what she was doing, but apparently it was working just fine.

He looked so different.

But she enjoyed seeing him like this. 

Lilly continued to swirl her tongue over his tip and then she felt him grab her shoulder. 

“Stop.” He said with a heavy breath. 

Lilly looked up at him in confusion.

“You’re going to make me...” Levi’s paused to breath in. 

Lilly unbuttoned his shirt and took it off, revealing his sculpted body in the light. She placed kisses over his chest and his shoulders and in the crook of his neck. She slid down and helped him remove his pants the rest of the way and then pushed him back onto his back. She climbed over him and stared down into his eyes once more. She breathed in softly as she felt their naked bodies pressed against each other. He reached up and caressed her lower back and she hummed in approval. 

She ran her fingers through his hair carefully as she looked down into his face. She gave him a small smile when she saw that his cheeks were still pink. 

She loved him so badly that it hurt right to the touch. 

She hoped he knew that. 

“What are you thinking?” Levi asked as he studied her face.

He rubbed his thumb against her cheek gently as he looked at her. Lilly turned her face to kiss his hand and sighed softly.

“I was just thinking about how much you mean to me.” Lilly said as her eyelashes fluttered. 

He pulled her face to him so that their foreheads were pressed together and their noses were touching. 

He kissed her softly and lovingly and it filled Lilly’s gut with butterflies. She didn’t take times like this for granted, because most of the time he was so stern with her, and his expression was always so cold. 

But now he was tender with her.

“You know I love you, right?” He asked in almost a whisper as if he was afraid she hadn’t realized.

Lilly nodded in his hands and tried to hold back the tears threatening to fill her eyes. Hearing him say it just made her fall apart. 

“I love you.” Lilly whispered. 

“I know you do. I can feel it.” He said.

Lilly thought for a moment about how painful it was for him to leave on missions and how much worry filled her gut each time.

“Please don’t ever die.” Lilly said suddenly. 

“That’s a bit morbid. Trying to ruin the mood?” Levi asked. 

“No, it’s just- just come back to me. When you go out there to fight, just come back.” Lilly said. 

Levi looked back and forth between her eyes rapidly as if he was searching for something to say to her request. 

But all he could do was kiss her. 

And she knew it was because he couldn’t make a promise that he couldn’t keep.

He was a good man for that.

And she knew it was silly if her to ask that of him. But in moments like these, the thought of losing him pained her. 

“I will do whatever I can to come back to you.” He said finally. 

Lilly smiled and began to kiss him again. He eagerly nipped at her bottom lip and lifted his hips up against her. 

Lilly felt his member pulsating against her heat, and it created an even deeper hunger in her core. She instinctively began to rock against it, and she felt Levi breathe in deeply underneath her. 

“Lilly...” he managed to speak out between breaths. 

“Hm?” 

“Stop teasing me.” He said in a labored voice. 

“Why? I kinda like seeing you like this.” Lilly lowered her face down and bit his lip. 

“You fuc-king bra-t.” He breathed. 

Her heat was slick and she was sliding against him quickly now. 

“Ple-ase.” He breathed out.

Lilly lowered her head next to his ear. 

“Since you asked nicely.” Lilly purred. 

Lilly then carefully reached down and positioned him at her entrance and slowly guided him inside her. A small moan escaped her mouth as she felt him stretch her walls to accommodate him. His mouth was parted and his cheeks still very pink as she began to move over him, stroking him with her velvet core. 

He cursed under his breath.

Several times. 

He also made her stop a few times to prevent him from finishing too soon.

Humanity’s strongest soldier was at her mercy now. 

But it wasn’t just that aspect of it. 

She truly enjoyed being this close to him, and sharing these intimate moments.

Because who knew how much time they had left together. 

Lilly squealed and giggled when she unexpectedly was grabbed by her waist and then rolled over onto her back with him on top of her. His muscular arms were on each side of her head and he lowered his face to kiss her deeply before starting his work on her. 

She squirmed and writhed under him as he thrusted deep inside her, already pushing her over the edge. His hair tickled her face as his face hung over hers. He was watching her expression as he took her, and cursed and looked away after she moaned. She absentmindedly clawed at his back, trying to get him to ease off but the pleasure was slowing taking over her whole body. She could feel the muscles in his back flexing under her hands with each movement he made. She kissed his neck as he clenched onto the sheets beside her head and he let out soft moans under his breath, as if he was trying to disguise them. He nipped at her breasts and sucked at her neck and it drove her mad. 

“Levi.” She breathed out as she felt herself being pushed over. 

Lilly cried into Levi’s throat in ecstasy as her orgasm rocked her body, and at the same time, Levi’s breathing became uneven. She felt him jerk and groan in frustration before he withdrew and finished beside her. 

She knew it must have been hard for him to pull from her to finish. It wasn’t natural and she could see the reluctance each time he did. 

He then rolled over on the other side of her and caught his breath before kissing her face quickly. 

“What’s the verdict?” He asked. 

“Much better than chocolate.” She sighed. 

 

...............

A few days had passed. Lilly was sent out to patrol the wall of Chlorba District with a few other comrades that she wasn’t particularly close with. Still no sign of a breach in the wall, and no further titan sightings, so it was quite odd and frustrating. They were being extra careful and sending the recruits out to the walls to keep close eye, while other squads were sent out further to continue to secure a route to Shiganshina District. Lilly knew it was only a matter of time before they chose her again to go out on those missions as they ventured further out. 

But she’d be ready.

And she always would.

Any day was a good day to get revenge.

Lilly closed her eyes and sighed.

It was a clear and sunny day, though it was definitely getting chillier. Especially at the top of the wall. 

That’s why Levi had gave her his black scarf to wear on the patrol. 

She smiled to herself as she held it close and took in the piney scent of it. He was always on her ass to make sure she was dressed properly, or eating correctly. Sometimes he could be a bit harsh, but she knew it was because he cared. 

It was just his own unique way of showing her. 

Lilly sighed as she looked off into the distance. Her shift was almost over and then she could go stop and visit April on her way back to headquarters. 

She missed her friend dearly during this time. Word must have reached her by now of Radako’s fate, and she could only imagine how stressful this news would be during her pregnancy and time of need. 

A white dove flew past Lilly just then, turning her attention back towards Chlorba. 

“Hey. I’m here to take on your shift.” A young scout named Frances said from her right.

“Ah, thank you.” Lilly nodded and adjusted the scarf around her neck. 

“I didn’t expect it to be so cold today.” Frances muttered to himself.

“Shoulda brought a scarf.” Lilly said in a low tone before scaling down the wall.

 

..........

Lilly held a tiny crinkled paper with April’s new address on it as she rode through Trost searching for April and Ben’s home. She finally came to the street that was written on the paper, and ignored all the stares of the civilians on the street as she wondered. 

Eventually she stood in front of the small wooden cottage on the end of the street. It was actually quite charming, and Lilly could tell that April had taken her advice to put flowers in the window boxes to give the house some color and life. 

Lilly made her way up the stone steps and knocked on the dark wooden door and stood patiently in her riding boots. Then she heard the door knob turn. 

April appeared in the door way after opening the door and her face lit up.  
April was wearing a light green dress with a simple floral pattern that flattered her curves in all the right places. Even her small bump was accentuated.

“Oh thank God, I thought you were never going to visit me.” April hugged Lilly tightly.

“Well, a lot has happened...” Lilly said into April’s brown hair.

“Yes, I know.” April frowned and looked as if she was trying to hold herself together. “Please, come in.” April spoke again as she gestured Lilly in.

Once inside, Lilly’s mouth dropped at how nicely put together April’s home was. It was simple, but everything was thoughtfully placed. There wasn’t a lot of room, but they were making it work with Ben’s wages. Trost hadn’t exactly been the town that it once was since the second attack from the Colossal titan. Poverty was becoming a huge problem, but it didn’t effect April and Ben since Ben was a soldier. 

“I just made some tea, and Ben should be home soon.” April said as she walked over to the cabinet and pulled out two cups. 

“How are you feeling?” Lilly asked while looking at the small swell in April’s once completely flat abdomen. 

“Well besides my parents totally being fucking eaten by titans, I’m feeling well. Not puking my guts out or anything, so guess I can’t complain. You know, if it weren’t for Ben being so loving and supportive, I probably would have lost my mind or something.” April said.

It was obvious to Lilly that April was trying to be light hearted about the whole thing. She was always that way. Cracking crude jokes only to hide whatever it was she really felt. 

They all had their messed up ways of protecting themselves these days. 

“I’m sorry, it must be difficult.” Lilly frowned as April poured her tea.

“When I think about my baby not having grandparents, it truly pains me. Now I have no one to ask for help.” April said in a weak voice. 

“I’ll help you whenever I can.” Lilly said quietly.

She knew she didn’t have time as it was to really visit April, but in her heart she truly wanted to help. This baby felt like it was going to be her family. She felt some sort of responsibility.

“How are you doing? How’s training? Are you still with the Captain?” April asked as she sipped her tea. 

“Well I’ve been patrolling the walls everyday for the past few days. Not the most exciting job. It’s getting cold too. And this is Levi’s scarf, if that answers that question.” Lilly said as she touched the soft black fabric around her neck. 

“Well isn’t that sweet.” April teased with a smile. 

Just then Lilly heard the door open and shut followed by the sound of boots walking across the floor.

“Oh hi Lilly. Did you just get off your patrol too?” Ben asked as he pulled out the chair next to April. 

“Yeah, not very eventful.” Lilly said.

“And so damn cold!” Ben said as he leaned back in his chair, causing it to creak. 

“Well now that Ben is here, we wanted to tell you some news.” April paused to look at Ben. “Our wedding is one month from now. It’s nothing too big obviously. But we want you there. You can bring Levi if you want.” April said. 

“Oh wow! I’m so happy for you two.” Lilly said as she smiled wide.

It was crazy seeing her friend be so grown up and living a normal life. In a way, Lilly was slightly envious. It seemed much simpler than the life she had chosen for herself. And back when Lilly joined the Survey Corps, she wasn’t expecting to fall in love and find someone she’d want to share her life with. 

But now that her feelings for Levi had grown with each passing day, it made things difficult for Lilly.

Knowing things could never be this way for she and him. 

“Yeah, we decided to do it before the baby gets here. So we are looking forward to it.” Ben said as he placed his hand over April’s. 

“Did Ben tell you that he’s hoping for a boy?” April smiled. “I don’t know, but I just feel like it’s going to be a girl.” April rubbed her stomach thoughtfully. 

“I’ll be happy either way.” Ben smiled. 

Lilly smiled as she watched them look at each other with such love, and it made Lilly’s heart melt. 

April rose out of her seat and looked at Lilly. 

“I’ll start dinner. I’m so glad you’re here Lilly. Really.” April smiled warmly, and for a moment, it almost looked like she was going to cry. 

 

............

 

Lilly and April had talked for hours over dinner and tea and small cakes. It had gotten so late that Ben had crept up the stairs to go to bed, and Lilly realized she should head back to headquarters and get some rest so she could be up early the next morning for patrol. 

“Please come again soon. I know you’re busy, but it’s hard not seeing you everyday.” April hugged Lilly on the doorstep. 

It was late now, almost 11pm. And the moon was blocked out by huge clouds. 

“I will. Thanks so much for dinner. You make a great housewife!” Lilly joked as she pulled away. 

“Ugh, I know.” April laughed. 

“I’ll see you soon. Take care.” Lilly called as she made her way down the steps and into the darkness of the night.

 

.............

 

By the time Lilly returned, it was just hitting midnight. She knew she was supposed to be sleeping in her own bed more often than not, but she hadn’t seen or spoken with Levi in a few days.

They’d both been busy.

It was like that. 

This was their life. 

And he had warned her of it before they even started this. 

So why did it almost pain her when she was away from him too long? 

Lilly slowly crept up his stairway and saw that he had fallen asleep in his chair with a book in his lap. He was in his harness still with his boots still on which she found strange. He must have not meant to fall asleep which means he didn’t take the tincture. 

But why?

Lilly walked over to him quietly in the darkness and gently touched his upper arm. He instantly grabbed her wrist out of his sleep, nearly pulling her into his lap. His eyes were wide and his breathing heavy as he stared into her eyes frantically. 

 

*Levi’s POV*

 

Fear and confusion was worn across Lilly’s fair face as she stared at him with her light blue eyes. She didn’t pull out of his grip, but instead was waiting for some kind of explanation as to why he’d grabbed her.

Levi let go of her wrist and put his face in his hands before slowly running his fingers through his hair. 

Lilly sat on the edge of his bed staring at him quietly.

Waiting.

But what was he supposed to say? 

That maybe that bullshit that old woman in Stohess had spewed to him had gotten into his head? 

That the overthinking had gotten to his head and exhausted his mind? 

Even he knew it was ridiculous. 

But yet the thoughts crept in anyways. 

The night they had come back from Stohess, he had a nightmare. 

That’s what started it all.

After he and Lilly had finished having sex, he stayed awake thinking for hours while she slept, and then he finally fell asleep himself.

But the dream was if he’d stayed awake.

A dark figure appeared in his room, and crept over him. The figure wore a hat and held blades in its hands.

And it resembled Kenny.

Levi tried to move but he couldn’t. He was paralyzed in the bed. He tried to call for Lilly who was peacefully sleeping beside him, but he couldn’t. 

The figure then crept over Lilly and held the blades against her neck and cut into her throat. He couldn’t scream. He couldn’t move. He felt like his brain was going to explode. He saw Lilly’s eyes shoot open and heard her blood gurgling in her throat as she looked over to him and breathed her last sigh. 

And the dark figure left the room, leaving Levi to soak in his lover’s blood. 

The dream had ended and he woke up covered in sweat. 

And he couldn’t get it out if his mind since.

It had been days without sleep. 

Even the Commander had made a comment on Levi’s once indomitable focus. Levi had been in charge of prepping the squad for the next base mission the past few days, and while he was still being just as productive, Erwin had seen he was off.

“Levi, what’s wrong? Why are you still in your harness?” Lilly’s soft voice broke the silence as she stood up and leaned over to touch his face. 

He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch slightly, but he was still frowning. 

Lilly kissed his cheek before squatting down in front of him and undoing his harness across his chest. 

And he let her. 

.........

 

She was laying on top of his chest quietly while they laid in his bed that night. She wasn’t falling asleep like she usually did. He could tell by her breathing. He reached his hand up and rested in on her head while still looking up at the ceiling.

“If you can’t sleep, take the tincture. It’s right there.” Levi said quietly. 

“I’m just thinking.” She answered. 

“You have patrol in the morning. Think then.” He said. 

“I saw April tonight. She’s getting married next month.” Lilly ignored his statement.

“That’s good.” He said while continuing to stare up at the ceiling.

“She wants me to go and bring you as well.” Lilly said. 

“Yeah?” He asked. 

“Mm. You know, she makes the whole living a normal life not look so bad.” Lilly said quietly. 

Levi didn’t answer. A normal life was something he never knew. He probably never would.

There was too much work to be done.

“Sometimes I daydream about what life could be without the titans. Without the walls. I mean have a lot of time to think while patrolling the walls.” Lilly said.

He could feel her smiling on his chest. 

Sometimes she was too sweet.

“Do you think we will live to see a day with no titans? When we could go anywhere and see anything?” Lilly asked and looked up at him. 

“That would be the goal.. but just go to sleep. You have to rest.” He said.

Lilly huffed before moving her head off of him and turning the other way. 

“I heard Armin talking about this thing called the ocean. Ever heard of it?” Lilly asked. 

Levi stared at the ceiling and huffed out his nose. 

“Armin said it’s this giant body of salt water. Crazy isn’t that?” Lilly said. 

Levi looked over at her with his tired eyes. 

“I can feel your eyes burning a hole into the back of my head.” Lilly said. 

“You’re like a child who won’t sleep.” Levi said in a tired tone. 

“Just craving some human interaction after being up on those walls all day everyday.” Lilly sighed.

Levi reached over to her and placed his hand on the back of her pale neck. 

“I know. But this is your life and your responsibility now. This isn’t the normal life. Remember that. They’ll likely switch you off patrol soon.” 

Lilly huffed.

“I don’t know how much longer I can stand it Levi. Being on those walls. Not moving. Not speaking to anyone for hours and hours. It’s torture.” Lilly said.

“Just hang in there, alright?” Levi said. 

“Okay.” Lilly said softly. 

Her voice sounded defeated. 

He knew her well by now. He knew that this young woman had an untamable spirit and that high up on these walls standing still was no place for her. 

She clearly had pent up energy that could be put to use.

She belonged out in the field. She belonged by his side out on the base missions.

 

He’d speak to Erwin tomorrow.

 

She was more use out there anyways.


	36. Call Your Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m crying.  
> Missing my lover.  
> I don’t have the power on my side forever.
> 
> ...
> 
> We don’t know what is wrong tonight.  
> Everybody’s got no place to hide.  
> No ones left and there’s no one to go on.  
> All I know is my life is gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys.
> 
> Here is a nice long chapter to celebrate my next update being the first in the Uprising Arc. Please take note that I have switched things up from the original storyline, but not that much. Enjoy!

*LILLY POV* 

Two weeks later.

“Not too tight!” Lilly said as Levi wrapped his black scarf around her neck early in the morning. 

“Well it better not fly away. The winds are strong today.” Levi said as he stood in front of her. 

“It won’t. I’ll make sure.” Lilly smiled and held the scarf to her nose.

Levi watched her with soft eyes and caressed her cheek briefly before looking at the clock. 

“Are you ready?” Levi asked. 

Today was the first day that Lilly got a break from patrolling the wall. It only took two weeks for Erwin to fulfill their request, but apparently this was part of Erwin’s plan in the first place. He wanted to build up her energy so it’d be put to good use in this base mission since this next base placement was further from the wall and deeper in titan territory. 

And now she was finally riding out with Levi. 

“I’m ready. I’ve been ready for two weeks.” Lilly said as she started to leave his office. 

Levi followed behind her quietly as they headed to the stables to meet with the rest of the soldiers chosen for the mission. They were all soldiers that she wasn’t familiar with or close to. 

A lot of people who graduated from training corps before her. 

They all eyeballed her skeptically as she started to saddle her horse. 

“Captain’s little whore huh?” One rugged blonde soldier said in a low voice to the soldier standing next to him, thinking she couldn’t hear him.

“I don’t know why she’s allowed to come with us. She’s a distraction to Captain Levi as it is.” The other mumbled. 

Lilly closed her eyes and rested her head against the side of her horse. It was taking a lot of restraint to not to say anything. 

“Can’t deny she’s a good piece of ass though. I don’t mind looking at her.” Another voice said. 

“If she’s really easy, I’m sure we will all get a turn eventually.” The blond soldier’s voice said. 

Lilly lifted her head and she could feel her cheeks burning.

“She’s got such a pretty little mouth, the things I’d do-“ 

Lilly couldn’t hold herself together any longer. She stormed out from behind her horse and glared at them.

 

“C’mon Holmes. Did you hear ouch little conversation? Are you mad because it’s true?” The soldier taunted. 

She gritted her teeth and clenched her fist. 

“Why don’t you go back to blowing the Captain.” The blonde waved his hand in dismissal. 

Well. 

That’s it. 

Lilly walked up to him firmly and threw her fist hard against his eye socket. He stumbled backwards a few steps and held his eye. He lifted his hand away and then charged at her, but Lilly send her boot into his mouth. 

“Damn it Leon. You’re just gonna let a woman hand you your ass like that?!” 

Leon wiped the blood from his mouth and got back up to swing at her in blind rage and embarrassment. Lilly dodged each swing and got another two jabs in before grabbed a fist full of her hair in his giant hand. 

“I bet you like this you dirty whore.” Leon hissed in her ear. “Does the captain grab you like this?” 

“This is cheap.” Lilly said as she tried breaking free from his grip on her hair. 

“I fight to win.” Leon said smugly. 

Lilly turned her head and looked him in the eyes. 

“Very well.” Lilly said with a dark expression. 

She then sank her teeth into his arm as hard as she could and he cursed before letting go of her hair as the other men gathered around laughing. 

Lilly then kicked Leon in the chest with her boot, sending him down on his back. She quickly jumped on top of him, grabbing his collar and lifting his head off the ground to force him to look her in the eyes. 

“Don’t you ever disrespect me like that again. If you haven’t forgotten, Captain Levi is the one who taught me to fight in the first place. Unless you want your ass handed to you again in front of all these nice people, I suggest you keep your grotesque mouth shut.” Lilly growled before letting his head drop to the dirt again.

When she looked up, she saw a pair of boots standing before her.

Levi was glaring down at her with a displeased expression. 

 

Shit. 

 

..............

 

Lilly rode with her hood up bedside Levi out in Wall Maria. 

Levi was forced to make an example out of both her and Leon for starting a fight right before a important mission in which required nothing but teamwork. 

He had told them that the way they had acted out could have effected the whole team’s morale negatively.

He said it didn’t matter why the fight had started. 

Because it shouldn’t have happened. 

So he’d given them the worst chores he could have thought of apparently.   
Lilly was in charge of doing the laundry by herself for two weeks. And Leon had to shovel horse shit. 

Lilly knew she couldn’t blame Levi for how he had to handle the situation. He was still their commanding officer. He was responsible for making sure this mission went smoothly and successfully and keeping everyone in line, including her. 

The ride out to the destination was mostly easy. Several titans had met with them head on, and even fewer from the sides. The support team wiped them out easily, and there were no signs of any abnormals. 

Autumn was nearing now, and the icy wind blew through the team as they rode onwards. 

Lilly pulled her scarf up and Levi looked over to her quietly. 

“Is it keeping you warm?” Levi finally spoke to her since they left. 

“Warm enough, yes.” Lilly answered quietly. 

Levi looked around and stopped his horse.

“Here is where we will build the base! Look out squad, take your positions in surrounding trees with support groups three and four!” Levi shouted as he turned his horse to face the team. 

Lilly had been assigned to support group one with Levi which was the group that was on standby to protect the engineers as they built the storage tower. Levi stood watch and made sure everyone was doing their jobs. Every once in a while he’d make rounds to check on the look out squads and support squads three and four. 

When he returned, he stood beside Lilly quietly. She didn’t look at him and kept looking outwards. Although she understood why Levi had to tear her a new one in front of the whole team, she still felt embarrassed about it.

“I know why you fought that big idiot back there.” Levi spoke. 

Lilly didn’t answer as she looked out. 

“Just remember there’s a time and place.” Levi said before handing Lilly a small daisy and walking away. 

Lilly turned to watch him walk away as the wind nipped at her face. 

 

.........

 

The base was successfully built by the end of the day. Lilly didn’t end up getting to slay a single titan that day. The outer look out team did get a fair share of action, but not her. It was like she couldn’t escape having to stand still in one spot. 

This way of life was beginning to feel unfulfilling for her.

But she still clung to the hope of things changing. 

She still clung to the hope of living to see the day where she could travel freely beyond the walls and see things she never saw before. 

Things like the ocean.

They were just approaching the walls after their long day when they saw thick steam clouds rising over the walls. Levi stopped in front of Lilly to stare at the clouds with widened eyes. Soldiers were running at the top of the walls and shouting with urgency. 

“Go! Head to the wall!” Levi ordered the team as he rode forward. 

When Lilly arrived, she was faced with a giant cloud of steam and the remains of the colossal titan below the wall. Many scouts appeared to be injured and burned. 

“What happened here?” Lilly asked Hange. 

“Reiner and Bertholdt are the colossal and armored titans..... They took Eren and Ymir. We are currently waiting for the leverages to carry the horses over the wall to go retrieve them. Word has been sent out to Commander Erwin. He should be here soon.” Hange said with a serious face.

Bertholdt and Reiner?

Lilly’s mouth hung open. Reiner was always the big brother of the group, looking out for everyone. And Bertholdt was always so nice and quiet. Bertholdt was so careful with her during their spars..... always afraid to hurt her....

But not afraid to kick a giant hole in the wall and kill thousands?!

They started all of this? 

They put the hole in the wall? They started this pain and misery the past five years? 

They were okay with murdering thousands of innocent people? 

Lilly slowly sat down and held her head. 

“I know, it’s a lot to process. But we must keep ourselves together for Eren’s sake. Humanity needs him and his ability.” Hange spoke.

“Hey shit glasses. Status report on those leverages.” Levi’s voice came from behind them. 

Lilly turned her head to look at him. 

“They should be here any minute.” Hange said. 

“Do we have any minutes to spare?” Levi asked impatiently.

“Reiner and Bertholdt are likely weakened from their fight with Eren. They couldn’t have gone far. They likely went somewhere out of reach from the titans to recharge before they leave Wall Maria. And I have an idea where.” Hange said pointing to the map in her hands. 

“Show me.” Levi said as he stood beside her. 

He studied the map and nodded.

“They aren’t far if you’re correct. We should be able to locate them easily with the long distance scouting formation.” Levi said. 

Levi walked over to Lilly and stood beside where she sat. He looked down at the steaming skeleton of the Colossal titan as the cold breeze blew his cape. 

“Be prepared to kill Reiner and Bertholdt if it comes down to it. I know they were your friends.” Levi said. 

“I am more than prepared.” Lilly said quietly.

The wind howled over the walls and the chill bit through all of the layers of clothing Lilly was wearing. 

 

Knowing what she knew now, if she had to kill Bertholdt or Reiner, she sure as hell would. 

 

......

 

Lilly rode close behind Levi with her cape flailing in the wind. She had been chosen with a few others to be part of the new Levi squad. The others were Eren who was obviously absent, Mikasa, Sasha, Christa, Conny, Jean and Armin. Lilly took it as a great honor knowing Levi had only chosen her for her skill set, not just their personal relationship with each other. 

But now she’d be by his side no matter what. 

And that comforted her. 

She knew she’d never have what other woman had in this life. 

A marriage. A home. Children. 

She knew her life was no longer her own, but humanity’s. 

But if she could at least spend her lifetime serving and sacrificing by his side, then she would be grateful. 

Just then Levi turned his head back to look at Lilly. They saw green signal flares shoot off in the distance ahead of them, so Lilly shot off another green flare. Off to the sides, red flares were being shot off, so she was fortunate to be riding where she was. 

Then Lilly spotted a rider coming back towards them from the front where Erwin and Hange rode. 

“Captain! Commander Erwin wants you to ride ahead with Lilly into the forest. Christa was captured by Ymir’s titan form. They think Ymir has now sided with Bertholdt and Reiner which now makes retrieving Eren increasingly more difficult. Mikasa and the others are chasing them close behind but they need back up. The Commander needs you to clear a path. There’s too many titans!” The rider called to Levi. 

“You heard him Lilly. Get moving.” Levi ordered.

Lilly rode faster so that she was riding beside Levi.

“Looks like your whole graduating class was full of treacherous rats.” Levi muttered as they entered the woods. 

She kept her eyes peeled for any titans that could possibly jump out at them while trying stay close to Levi. There was no defined path for them to ride on and the trees were thick. 

She then could hear giant footsteps following them. Her heart started to race but she kept her eyes on Levi. 

“Just ride forward!” Levi shouted.

“Yes Sir!” Lilly replied obediently.

Eventually the exit of the forest came into vision and Lilly felt slightly relieved. That was until the footsteps behind her were getting louder. How could it catch up so fast in a forest so thick? She looked back and saw a titan closing in on her quickly. It was traveling on all fours like an animal. Lilly’s heart sank at the realization that this was an abnormal and there was no way they could keep running. 

“It’s an abnormal! It’s on all fours!” Lilly shouted. 

Levi turned his head back once and then faced forward. She could tell he was thinking of a plan to deal with it.

“Levi, one more leap and we are dead. I’ve been watching it’s movements. We must engage!” Lilly shouted. 

Before Levi could answer her, the titan leaped and swiped Lilly’s horse from under her, tossing her into the air. 

Levi quickly whipped his head around and Lilly saw the fear in his eyes as she flew through the air. 

“No!” He screamed. 

Lilly quickly recovered and launched back towards the titan who reached out for her and missed by just a split second. She spun and shot an anchor into a tree and propelled herself quickly up past the titans elbow where she sliced through the muscle and disabled the arm. She saw Levi whir past her like a blur and watched as he propelled straight into the air, only to come down fast into the titan’s neck with ferocity. Blood sprayed everywhere and the beast’s body dropped to the ground. 

Lilly landed to the ground and held her neck as she caught her breath. She must have pulled something when she was knocked off her horse who was now dead against a tree. She turned her neck to look but a ache shot through her. 

She gasped in clenched her teeth and then felt Levi’s hand on her upper arm.

“Please tell me you’re okay.” He said.

“I’m fine.” Lilly breathed.

“Im glad to hear that. We have to keep going.” He whistled and his horse came running to them.

.......

They finally exited the forest and entered a battlefield of titans and scouts. Even some garrison soldiers were called as emergency back up. 

And they were all dying left and right. 

Lilly could see the armored titan in the distance with Ymir on his back fighting off the titans that were trying to attack them. Jean, Conny, and Mikasa were trying to retrieve Eren.

Lilly saw a loose horse run past them so she quickly launched herself onto it’s back. 

“Let’s fight our way to them. The field is thick with titans. We have no choice but to face them now.” Levi said. 

“Got it.” Lilly answered. 

Just then Levi launched off his horse and went on a frenzy. Lilly was always shocked to watch just how fast Levi could maneuver, as well as his strength. 

It was like nothing could stop him. 

Lilly launched off her horse and sliced through the back of the knees of two titans in their path. This dropped them and gave Levi the perfect opportunity to make his killing blows on them and finish the job. They worked together swiftly as they grew closer to the armored titan. They fought like that relentlessly together, bringing down anything in their path. 

For a moment they had made eye contact while they were in the air, and Lilly gave him a small smile as her hair whipped around her face. She then wound up and spun down across a titan’s shoulders, causing it to lean forward. This opened up the opportunity for Levi to strike down with ease. 

By the time they had gotten even remotely close to the Armored titan, Eren had escaped with Mikasa and they were making a run for it. But then Lilly watched in horror as the armored titan had began to throw other titans at them.

A retreat signal was shot into the air soon after but the fight was not over. Titans rained down upon them and crushed and killed many. 

Then a titan came and crashed down in front of Lilly and Levi. Sending them flying into the grass.

The air was immediately knocked from Lilly’s lungs and she rolled onto her back. Rain started to trickle down on her.

Lilly regained her strength to get up after a few minutes and then it began to downpour.

“Levi.” Lilly spoke into the rain. 

She got up and looked around and saw Levi was laying on the ground with his face in the grass. She stumbled over to him and rolled him over and put her hands on his chest. 

“Levi!” Lilly shouted. 

No answer. 

Lilly’s breath was caught in her throat and she involuntarily whimpered. She placed her ear against his chest, searching for a heartbeat. 

His heart was still beating softly. 

She let out a sigh of relief. He was alive.

Unconscious, but alive.

Then Lilly saw a giant figure move in the corner of her eye. A frightening grinning face was looking down at her. She withdrew her blades and stood tall, guarding Levi. 

It’s had slowly reached out for her and Lilly immediately launched up and sliced the hand off at the wrist before spinning up the arm and swinging her arms back only to swing them forward and bury her blades into the neck. Hot blood flew into her face before she landed back to her feet, sending a painful shock up her legs. The pain brought her to her knees and she breathed through it as she clenched onto the damp grass. 

Lilly crawled back over to Levi and looked around frantically. 

She could hear acoustic rounds being shot off, and screams in the distance. The rain was so thick that she could hardly see. 

Lilly saw a tall tree not far from them so she hooked her arms under Levi’s armpits and tried to pull him. He was heavy for her, though he was only about four inches taller, his body was dense with muscle. Add that factor to him being completely unconscious and deadweight, and it made him nearly impossible to drag. The rain was freezing cold, and it was making her shiver. She looked down at Levi whose forehead was bruised. 

He had landed on his head.

Just like April. 

Would he wake up like her too?

Lilly eventually was able to drag him all the way to the tree where she leaned against the trunk with him in her lap. Both their clothes were drenched all the way through and it was probably the most uncomfortable thing she’d ever experienced thus far in her life. 

Lilly looked down at Levi as lightening flashed in the distance.

Despite being knocked out cold, his expression was peaceful. His lips were slightly parted and his dark lashes dripped rain onto his pale cheeks. He looked unguarded, like a sleeping infant. Lilly kissed his face lightly and then lifted his head to hold it to her chest to keep him from getting too cold. 

She looked around nervously, hoping no titan would see them. Because with the rain chilling her to the bone like this, and the aches and pains catching up to her....

 

She didn’t know if she’d have the power to fight anymore.

 

...........

 

About thirty minutes later, Levi began to stir against her chest. Lilly perked up quickly and watched as he slowly sat up and rubbed his head. He looked at her and then looked around. Lilly wrapped her arms around him tightly and tears gathered in her eyes. 

“How long was I out?” He asked. 

“Not long.” Lilly answered. 

“Where is everyone?” He asked. 

“They retreated. Eren escaped.” Lilly answered.

“We are the only ones here?” Levi asked. 

“That may be. The rain was so thick and the horses were spooked. I couldn’t see and you were unconscious.... I had to defend you from the titan that fell before us....” Lilly trailed off. 

Levi stared down into the mud as his hair clung to his face. 

“You should have left. It may be impossible for us to escape once the rain clears. We could be fully surrounded by titans at this moment and not even know it.” Levi said. 

“And leave you to die?!” Lilly exclaimed. 

Levi was quiet as the rain poured around them.

“I will never leave you to die. So never expect that of me.” Lilly said in a serious tone as she stared into his eyes to beat her message into his head. 

Levi was quiet for a moment and sat up straighter. He squeezed out some of the water in his clothes and sighed. 

“Thank you.... For looking out for me while I was out.” He said quietly. 

Lilly rested her face against his neck and let out a shuddering sigh. He raised his icy hand to her face and then gathered her hair to place it on her back. 

“We will be lucky if we don’t get sick after this.” Levi said in a low tone.

Lilly pulled away and looked down at her fuel gauge. She was running low. She took in a deep breath and shivered.

This was no good. 

If she was low on fuel, that alone could get her killed. 

“How’s your fuel?” Levi asked. 

“Low.” Lilly answered. 

“Alright. This is what we are going to do.” Levi said as he stood up. 

Rain dripped down his serious face as he looked around.

“We are going to go high up into this tree, so that way when the rain clears we will have a good view of what’s around us without being seen. Then we will go from there.” He said as he looked up into the tree. 

“It’s too slippery to climb and my fuel is low.” Lilly said as she shook from the cold.

“Come here.” Levi reached out his arm to her. 

Lilly stepped into his arm which wrapped around her waist. He then shot his anchor up into the tree and propelled them up high into a sturdy branch near the top of the tree. Lilly sat and rested her head against the trunk. It was so cold. Levi sat trying to peer out into the thick rain. 

“I’ve only seen it rain like this one time.” Levi broke the silence.

Lilly looked out into the grey fog and heavy rain. Lightening flashed in the distance followed by thunder. 

“It’s impossible to see anything. Do you think the others are okay?” Lilly asked. 

Levi turned his gaze upon her and thought for a moment.

“If they had started to retreat, chances are they are back in that forest up in the trees as well. Traveling in this rain within titan territory is a deadly game. The Commander knows that well.” 

“So we should probably head back there as soon as we can.” Lilly said.

“Right. As soon as the rain clears, we will try to call my horse. Our gear is useless out in this field.” Levi said. 

“Okay. Then that’s what we will do.” Lilly nodded and gave him a weak smile. 

Levi scooted closer to her on the slippery branch without saying another word. He took her freezing cold hands and held them up to his mouth and breathed hot air on them to warm them. He then started rubbing them to get her blood flowing. Lilly could see he was starting to shiver himself, so she sat up slowly and wrapped her arms around his neck to hold him closer to her body. They were using too much energy by shivering and trying to keep warm, and if anyone needed it more, it was him. 

“This sucks.” Lilly said quietly.

Levi’s mouth curved into a small smirk.

“All I can think about is a hot bath. Nothing else.” Lilly said. 

“You’re spoiled rotten, aren’t you? Your comrades would be jealous to know you take them so often.” Levi said against her shoulder. 

“Well who’s at fault for that?” Lilly asked.

“Tch.”

Levi didn’t answer and just rested against her shoulder. 

Eventually the rain started to die down, and a grey gloom hovered over the field. It was still hard to see, but not nearly as difficult. 

“This will have to do.” Levi started to stand. 

He started whistling for his horse. Lilly stood up carefully, trying not to slip off the branch and then started to whistle as well. 

There were no titans around that they could see, so that was a relief. 

After about ten minutes of calling, his horse finally came back and stood underneath the tree they were in. Levi launched them from the tree and into the back of his horse and began riding back towards the woods quickly. 

 

............

 

As they approached the woods, they could see the rest of the scout regiment getting down from the trees. A wave of relief fell over Lilly as she clung to Levi’s waist. 

Once they rode up to the group, Hange ran out to Levi’s horse.

“Oh thank God. We thought you two were dead or lost.” Hange sighed. 

Hange then looked off to a wagon that was a little ways ahead and frowned. 

“The Commander was badly injured Levi.” Hange said quietly.

Levi suddenly rode forward with a jolt and Lilly nearly fell off.

When they approached the Commander laying in the wagon, they could see his arm had been completely torn off. He was in an extreme amount of pain as he laid there. 

Levi scowled as he looked down at the Commander. 

“Erwin, you idiot.” Levi mumbled.

How would Erwin be able to lead them on with only one arm? 

Hange caught up to them and looked down at Erwin herself. She frowned and looked back up at Levi. 

“We’ve lost too many. Our numbers are the lowest they’ve ever been. But we got Eren back.” Hange spoke once more. 

“Then this was the cost. Lets make it worth it and get out of here before we lose anymore.” Levi said in a dark tone before riding his horse forward to lead them.

.............

 

When they returned to headquarters, Levi and Hange had disappeared with Eren to speak with Erwin about a newfound ability that Eren had displayed on the battlefield.

It was only a rumor that Lilly heard, but she was told that Eren had controlled the titans for a short period of time and turned the battle in their favor. This was probably the reason no titans were around the area where Lilly and Levi were stranded on.

If Eren could control titans, then this could change everything. 

Lilly was feeling weak now as she climbed Levi’s stairs and entered his bathing room. She was starting to get the chills despite the room being a comfortable temperature, and being rid of her soaked uniform. 

She quietly filled the bath with warm water and then carefully dipped her toe in to test the water before submerging her entire body inside the basin. 

But she was still shivering. And her head was starting to hurt. 

Lilly closed her eyes and she lathered herself with her peach oil and tried to relax her muscles but she couldn’t stop quivering. 

She washed her hair slowly and then started to feel nauseous so she quickly rinsed her hair and got out. She dried herself off with a towel and then lazily climbed into bed still naked. She wrapped herself up in three different quilts but was still shaking. 

She felt like the room was spinning so she tried to close her eyes. But when she closed her eyes, she felt like she was flying. 

She couldn’t escape the dizziness. 

Almost two hours later, she heard the door downstairs open and close. She then heard boots coming up the stairs and the bedroom door open. 

Levi stood in the doorway staring at her for a moment and then quickly walked over to her side of the bed. He put his hand over her forehead and let out a breath of air. 

“You’re burning up.” He said. 

“I’m so cold.” Lilly said. 

“You have a fever, that’s why.” He said as he gently pulled the blankets off her. 

He saw she was naked so he turned and got a more thin blanket from his closet and covered her with it. 

“You can’t bundle yourself up like that. You’ll overheat. Do you want to fry your brain?” He asked bluntly. “I’ll have Hange come take a look at you tomorrow if you don’t get over it tonight.” He said as he tucked her hair behind her ear. 

“Thank you.” She said quietly. 

“Get some rest. I have to sign off on reports. I’ll be downstairs if you need anything.” Levi said as he stroked her cheek with his thumb and rose off the edge of the bed. 

Lilly watched as he disappeared down the stairway and into his office. 

 

It was going to be a long night.

...........

 

Lilly had eventually fallen asleep but not for long.

She woke up at 3am sweating.

Her forehead was drenched and her hair was clinging to her skin. Levi had been sitting in his chair across from the bed and looked up at her. He stood up and walked over to her and felt her forehead. 

“Your body is trying to break the fever. I’ll get you some water.” He said quietly. 

His eyes were trying to hide something from her, she could tell. He himself had started to look pale. 

Lilly sat up and hung her feet over the edge of the bed. The window was cracked open so she decided to stand in front of it to cool off. The night was clear outside, despite the huge storm that had passed the day before. 

Now there wasn’t a cloud in the sky.

She heard Levi come from behind her and touch her shoulder. She turned quickly and looked into his eyes. They looked exhausted. Lilly reached her hand and touched his forehead and felt he too had started to burn up. She frowned at him before taking the water from his hand. 

“You’re getting sick too.” Lilly said. 

“I’ll be fine.” He said. 

“Maybe you should rest yourself. I’ll go check my dorm. I might have a fever reducing tincture left over. If not, I’ll make us some sage tea.” Lilly said as she caressed his cheek softly. 

Levi looked at her blankly. 

“We are all getting fevers.” Levi said as he sat on the bed. 

“There’s more?” Lilly asked. 

“It was from being stranded in that freezing rain. The season is changing too. These types of things usually hit harder in cold seasons.” He said as he leaned over on his side. 

Lilly leaned over and unbuttoned his shirt. She was still feeling terrible herself, but seeing him ill like that made her want to get up and do something about it. 

Especially after he had hit his head so hard earlier. 

He couldn’t have been feeling too well. 

“We lost too many good men. And now what’s left of us are becoming ill with fevers.” Levi said in a tired voice. 

Lilly listened quietly as she pressed a cool cloth to his chest. He glanced at her with a less tense look. 

“You fought well today. And you saved my life.” He said as he reached out to her. 

“I learned from the best.” Lilly held his hand to her face.

 

.......

One week later came confirmation that Wall Rose was still intact. By then, everyone had beat their fevers and returned to their daily routines. 

News had spread that the refugees from Wall Rose were returning to their homes and the evacuation had ended. The people of Sina had finally gotten a taste of what would happen if the people of Rose were forced into their living space, and the reaction had not been so welcoming. 

Word must have leaked out about Eren’s new ability and that Christa had turned out to be Historia Reiss. Daughter of the noble family. People who possibly knew more about titans than they did. People that the Survey Corps were looking for, since Pastor Nick still wouldn’t speak of the information he knew.

And that morning, everything changed. 

Lilly was just about to change into her uniform after getting out of the bath when Levi had come up the stairs in a hurry. Lilly stood there dripping with a towel wrapped around her, staring at Levi. 

“Put this on and take your things. We are leaving.” Levi said as tossed a simple grey dress to her.

“What? Why? Where are we going?” Lilly asked as she started drying herself off. 

“We aren’t staying here anymore. We have to leave.” He said.

Lilly pulled the dress over her head and swallowed. 

“Is everything okay? Where will we stay?” Lilly asked.

“Far from here. I’ll explain when we leave.” He said before exiting the room.


	37. Hiding Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilly and the squad are escorted to their new home. 
> 
> Chores.
> 
> More Chores.
> 
> The truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We made it to the Uprising Arc! 
> 
> So I’ve been writing well into it now, and I’m very excited to play around with the circumstances that will be coming. 
> 
> This is a pretty long one! Enjoy! 
> 
> Expect an update within the next few days. Just editing the next few chapters. (:

What was going on? 

She couldn’t help but feel frightened and confused. What did he mean they couldn’t stay there anymore? They were soldiers weren’t they? Where else would they stay? 

Nothing really made sense anymore. 

Lilly was starting to accept that. 

When she thought back on how simple her life was once when she lived with her parents, she could almost laugh. The days in the apothecary seemed so simple compared to this new life. 

But now things that felt out of the ordinary were her everyday life. 

And things seemed to only get wilder and crazier as time went on within the Survey Corps. 

Of course she didn’t regret it. 

She now possessed strength and skill that most could only ever dream of having for themselves. She trained hard everyday to get to where she was. 

She was proud of herself.

But besides that, she’d made great friendships and even unexpectedly found love in ways she never knew she needed to be loved. And by someone who was the opposite of her in many ways. They balanced one another. 

And this love, she’d never let go.

She respected him more than just her lover. 

She respected him as a soldier, and commanding officer.

So if he said she needed to come with him all of the sudden to some unknown place for some unknown reason, then she would.

Changed and bags ready, Lilly ran out to the stables and saw that Jean, Sasha, Historia, Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Conny and Levi were all saddling up horses. Lilly quickly jumped up on the one Levi had saddled for her and nodded politely at him. 

Everyone was silent, and no one was asking any questions. 

Levi rode to the front of the line without a word. She knew he was going to lead them away right that moment, and she couldn’t help but feel sort of nervous. Jean rode his horse next to Lilly’s and nodded at her quietly. Soon they were out the gate but riding off the main roads. 

They were definitely avoiding being seen. 

And this made Lilly even more anxious. 

But she kept her mouth shut and her head held high.

“Where do you think he’s taking us?” Jean asked quietly as he rode beside Lilly closely.

“I have no idea. He hasn’t told me anything.” Lilly answered. 

“Oh, I see.... um I-I like your dress. I haven’t seen you in a dress since we joined the training corps.” Jean said bashfully.

Lilly looked down at the light grey material that clung to her slender body. 

“Thanks. There must be a reason he doesn’t want any of us in uniform.” Lilly said. 

“Yeah, he even isn’t in uniform. It’s strange seeing him dress like a normal person. If I can even use that word with him.” Jean said. 

Lilly looked ahead and looked at Levi who wore a simple black long sleeve with a a dark green jacket over it. Lilly’s eyes strayed for a moment to admire his neck and the broadness of his shoulders before Jean’s voice interrupted her lustful thoughts.

“So he’s treating you right?” Jean asked as he gazed ahead to Levi.

He wore a skeptical expression. Lilly knew Jean was just being protective of her as he always has been, but she also couldn’t help but notice a tinge of jealously in his tone. 

“Of course.” Lilly answered and smiled.

“You say that as if it’s obvious.” Jean waved his hand in the air lightly and furrowed his brows. “You can’t blame the rest of us for being curious. I mean, you know how he is.” Jean said as he continued to keep his voice low.

“I mean I guess I can understand why you’d ask. But he’s a good man. So he can be a little harsh, overbearing, and definitely a smart ass. But his heart is in the right place. Even now as he leads us away off the main roads, I’m positive it’s for our best interest.” Lilly said. 

“Well as long as your happy, I’m happy. I don’t want to see you with your heart broken.” Jean said looking at her with a side glance as he held his reigns. 

Lilly looked ahead at Levi whose head was slightly turned as he rode onward. 

“I don’t know if that will ever happen.” Lilly said with a sigh. 

 

....................

 

A few hours had passed and they had rode up into a very rural area hidden by trees and mountains. Lilly had never taken a bumpier horseback ride in her life. By the time they had arrived at a small cabin, it was just past noon.

The cabin in a way reminded Lilly of her home with her parents. It was made of dark oak wood, and small white and purple wildflowers grew all around it. The contrast was lovely. It had a small porch on the front with a couple of old stools. Trees surrounded the small home and danced in the breeze which carried the sound of a nearby stream. 

It was peaceful.

“This is where we will be staying for now. Hange will also be meeting here as well.” Levi said. 

“But Captain, why are we here?” Conny asked. 

“That I will discuss once you all are finished cleaning this cabin and unloading our supplies. I have to leave soon, but I will be back tonight with Hange. This place better be spotless.” Levi said. 

Everyone started tying their horses up and unloading their bags and carrying them into the cabin. Levi lit a few oil lamps around the place and was obviously disgusted by the state of the small home. She could hear him clicking his tongue and huffing in disgust anytime he touched anything. 

There was dust everywhere. 

Lilly accidentally bumped into him when carrying a box of food into the kitchen area. She tripped but Levi quickly caught the box and kept her from falling. He looked up at her with a raised brow as he sat the crate on the table. 

“It’s not like you to be so ungraceful on your feet. At least nowadays.” Levi said.

Sasha and Historia were at the counter cleaning the cabinets out, but she knew they were listening closely. So Jean had made it clear. Everyone was curious about Lilly and Levi’s relationship, and how they communicated. Apparently they couldn’t picture the Captain actually being in a relationship with....anyone, and they couldn’t picture Lilly being with someone like the Captain. 

“Yeah I’m fine. I think the ride here just took a lot out of me.” Lilly said as she flattened her skirt. “It also not too often that I work in a dress.” Lilly looked up at Levi. 

She was tired. Her whole body felt extremely exhausted, including her mind. This whole thing was such a huge change to adjust to. She even caught the others spacing out, obviously in deep thought.

They all were probably wondering the same thing.

Levi looked her up and down cautiously before turning to empty the contents of the crate. He lifted out a sack of potatoes and paused. 

“Sasha, if I find out you’ve eaten more than your share of our rations, you’ll be-“ 

“No worries Sir! You can count on me!” Sasha saluted and laughed nervously. 

Levi’s eyes pierced into Sasha with pure skepticism before turning back around. Lilly continued to help him unload that crate until it was empty. The other boys were cleaning in the living area and Lilly could hear Jean and Eren bickering. 

Lilly left the kitchen in attempts to quite them down before Levi had to. 

“I was using that broom!” Jean shouted.

“Well you suck at your job so I’m just going to sweep, lazy ass!” Eren snapped. 

“What?! I was doing just fine!” Jean shouted and gripped onto the back of the sofa.

“Guys, quiet down... you’re both going to get in trouble.” Lilly looked over and saw a feather duster laying on the shelf. 

“He took the broom while I was dumping out the dust pan.” Jean said. 

Lilly looked at Eren and waited for his answer.

“Lilly, Jean doesn’t sweep good enough. You know Levi has high expectations!” Eren said nervously. 

Lilly grabbed the feather duster and put it in Jean’s hands. 

“Just dust the windows off, okay? It’s not a big deal.” Lilly said to Jean. 

“You’re right, it’s not. But I’m sick of this little psycho thinking he’s better than me!” Jean growled at Eren. 

“It doesn’t take much effort to be useful.” Eren said under his breath. 

“What did you say you little-“ 

“You heard me horse face!” Eren snapped as he held the broom in his hand.

“Guys!” Lilly shouted and grabbed both their collars and tugged them down to her level.

Both of them were significantly taller than her, but it didn’t take much effort to bring them down to look her in the eyes.

“Look me in the eyes! You two better stop your bitching right now. We all are tired. We all are stressed out. We all are trying to get this place in good shape. No one wants to hear you fighting over pointless things like a godforsaken broom. If you guys can’t behave, then I’ll just switch with one of you and one of you can work beside Captain Levi in the kitchen unloading the boxes.” Lilly said sternly and then let go of their collars.

“What’s wrong with working besides me?” Levi asked from the doorway. 

“Nothing Sir!” Jean and Eren said with a salute.

Lilly turned and smirked at him before entering the kitchen, leaving Levi sternly staring at the two men in the living area. 

...........

Lilly was cleaning the table and chairs and then felt a hand on her back. She turned around and looked to see Levi standing behind her. He looked around to make sure no one was around before pulling her in closely. He moved her hair from her face and looked into her eyes with a slight hint of reluctance. 

“What’s wrong?” she asked as she draped her arms around his neck, still looking into his eyes. 

“I have to leave now. I’ll try to come back before dark.” He said. 

“Are you going to tell us why we are here?” Lilly asked. 

“It will be easier when I bring Hange back. She couldn’t come up with us because she had to take care of something. I couldn’t even tell you what she was up to, but it seemed urgent. So I’m going back to meet with her and Erwin before escorting her up here.” Levi said. 

“I see...Is there anything you’d like me to take care of while you’re away?” Lilly asked. 

“Just take care of yourself. Rest. You’ve done your part here in this kitchen. It looks good.” He said. 

“Well you did help too.” She said. 

“Which is why it looks good.” Levi said. 

Lilly rolled her eyes at him.

“Roll those eyes at me again and I’ll pluck them right out of your head.” Levi said.

“I’d like to see that, Captain.” She smirked as she teased him.

“It’d be the last thing you see.” Levi said in a low tone, with his mouth just grazing her ear. 

Lilly smiled at him for a moment and then frowned slightly. 

“Well I guess you should go. Before it gets any later. We will have food ready for you and Hange when you get back.” Lilly said. 

“I’ll be looking forward to that.” Levi said before pressing a kiss against her cheek.

His lips traced against her skin until they found her lips where he planted a final kiss. His lips were warm and smooth against her own, and she didn’t want them to leave. 

“Um, Captain..” Eren’s voice came from the doorway. 

Levi pulled away but the warmth of his lips still lingered. Lilly’s eyes widened when she looked up and saw that Eren, Jean and Sasha were standing in the doorway staring at them with reddened faces of their own. Lilly turned slightly to hide her own embarrassment.

Levi seemed to be the only one unaffected by the intrusion. 

“Yes?” Levi asked.

“Well we just were letting you know that we finished the living room and the bedroom upstairs. We set out everyone’s bedrolls too. We didn’t know if you wanted to check before you left.” Eren said awkwardly.

Jean’s face was beet red and he was avoiding looking up at Lilly. 

Levi quietly stepped forward and walked past them to enter the living room. Lilly quietly walked behind him so she could see the progress that was made too. 

The house really had been in rough shape prior. 

But it was true, they had done a good job in the living room, and they even moved around the furniture to give it a new feel. There was even a warm fire lit in the fireplace. 

“We tried to start the wood stove upstairs but we think it might be broken. None of us know how to fix it though, so we were hoping maybe you or Hange could when you get back.” Eren said. 

“I’ll go take a look at it.” Levi said as he ran his fingers along the shelves to check for dust. 

Once he was done inspecting the living space, he started to go up the stairs to check the bedroom. They all watched nervously as he inspected the room. He ran his fingers across anything that could have dust or cobwebs. But thankfully he found nothing. He then knelt down before the wood stove on the slate floor that it stood on and began to observe it. After a few minutes he stood up and wiped his hands on a rag. 

“The vent door is jammed. Birds or a squirrel probably made a nest in there. I’ll have to take the tubing apart when I get back. But for now, stay warm in the living room. Eren, Jean, Conny, Armin. Split wood for tonight. Mikasa, Sasha, Historia, Lilly. Put dinner together.” Levi said. 

“I’ll help with the wood.” Mikasa said. 

“But Mikasa, aren’t you still injured?!” Eren asked. 

“I want to stay in shape.” Mikasa said.

“I saw her doing sit-ups earlier.” Armin said.

“Mikasa!” Eren said.

“Then I don’t mind helping with dinner.” Jean said.

“Of course you don’t, pervert.” Eren mumbled. 

“I don’t care who does what. It just better be done before I return with Hange.” Levi said as he walked past them and headed downstairs. 

.........,.

The group watched in silence as Levi rode off into the woods towards headquarters. After they returned indoors, they started to tend to the jobs that they were asked to do. 

Lilly was helping in the kitchen with Sasha, Jean, and Historia. 

Lilly and Sasha were pealing potatoes and Historia was chopping carrots at the table. Then Jean came walking in with a sack of potatoes.

“Here’s more potatoes. They’re your buddies, right Sasha?” Jean teased as he plopped the sack on the table.

“What could you be talking about? I’ve forgotten all about it.” Sasha said as she cut a potato, obviously being sarcastic.

Jean leaned back in his chair as he held a potato against a peeling knife and smirked. 

“Don’t worry, I’m sure anyone else in the 104th could remind you.” Jean said. 

Sasha looked down at the potatoes with hungry eyes. Sweat was glistening on her forehead. Lilly was watching her while trying not to crack a smile. 

“That’s right Sasha. Just try to sneak some food out. Captain Levi will slice you into nice bite-sized pieces.” Jean said as he peeled his potato. 

“I-I wouldn’t.” Sasha said. 

“Alright carrots are done. I’m going to start the water.” Historia said. 

“I’ve definitely peeled enough potatoes. I’m going to pick some herbs to season the stew.” Lilly said as she rose up from her seat and walked over to the cabinets.

“Pick something good Lilly.” Jean said.

“As if I wouldn’t?” Lilly laughed.

She had made a special place for her herb jars and tinctures on one shelf, and she was very proud of her space. 

“That should be enough firewood for tonight.” Armin said as he entered the kitchen with Conny, Eren, and Mikasa.

“Yeah hopefully Captain Levi can fix that wood stove tonight. It’s getting pretty cold.” Conny said. 

Lilly grabbed a few of her jars and placed them on the counter, she lifted the lid off the rosemary and let the aroma rise up to greet her face. 

“We need to be careful with these groceries. If we lose them or ruin them, we will starve to death.” Armin said. 

“We don’t have to depend on these groceries. We can hunt in the mountains.” Sasha said. 

“We can’t, Sasha. Even this far out, hunting is still prohibited. What’s the point of hiding out here in the first place if people find us out there hunting and start talking.” Armin said. 

“We still don’t even know why we are here.” Conny said. 

“I don’t care why. This place is way too far from everything.” Jean said. 

“I kind of like it. I think it’s peaceful.” Lilly turned around and smiled. 

“It really is beautiful up here.” Historia said as she walked by with a stack of bowls. 

Lilly then went over to the pantry and pulled out some beef. 

“Great choice Lilly.” Sasha said enthusiastically. 

Lilly began butchering it and Jean stood beside her to watch. The others continued chatting amongst themselves. 

“Who taught you to cook?” Jean asked. 

“My mother did.” Lilly gave him a weak smile. 

“I don’t really tell anyone, but my mother taught me as well. In fact, let me help you.” Jean pulled out another cutting board and started chopping beside Lilly. 

“Are you ashamed to be able to cook?” Lilly asked. “It’s not just a woman’s job. We all need to eat.” Lilly said as she grabbed an onion. 

“It’s not that. You know how everyone is about my mom.... and the whole ‘Jeanie’ thing never really died down.” Jean said. 

“Ah, I see.” Lilly smirked. “I think that was sweet. She loves you. No need to be ashamed of that. Just be grateful she is still here.” Lilly smiled briefly before looking down and sighing. “Because I wish my mom was here. And I’d let her call me any stupid name in the book if she was.” Lilly said. 

“I’m sorry... I-I didn’t think of it that way.” Jean frowned. 

“I know. Don’t worry about it.” Lilly said with a smile.

............

A few more hours had passed and the stew was still simmering slowly. The aroma filled the house and everyone’s stomachs were growling as they waited in the living space. 

“What’s taking them so long?” Conny asked. 

“It’s getting late.” Jean said. 

Just then they heard horse hooves outside. They all looked out the window and saw Hange and Levi getting off their horses. 

“Thank goodness, I was beginning to starve.” Sasha said. 

“Starve? You were just snacking-“ 

Sasha covered Conny’s mouth and shushed him. 

Just then the front door opened and a cold draft came into the house. Lilly’s eyes landed on Levi as soon as he walked in. Hange came in behind him and hung her jacket on the hooks on the wall.

“Wow, smells great in here!” Hange grinned as she wandered into the kitchen. 

“It does.” Levi said in an almost surprised tone before entering the kitchen behind Hange.

........

After some table setting, they were all seated around the table with their bowls of beef and vegetable stew. Levi had taken his seat beside Lilly and Jean had sat on her other side quietly. Lilly watched as Levi had given Jean a ever so slight stern eye before turning his head away. 

Lilly at this point just wanted to know what was going on and why they were here. But she continued to wait patiently in her seat while taking small bites of her food. 

“Well done guys. This came out fantastic. Right Levi?” Hange said as she wiped her mouth.

“Mm.” Levi answered with a napkin over his mouth, nodding his head slightly. 

Then the tea kettle started to steam so Lilly got out of her seat to finish preparing it. 

“Did anyone else besides Captain Levi want ant tea?” Lilly asked. 

“I’ll have some.” Hange said. 

“Me also.” Historia said. 

Lilly carefully walked over and began pouring Hange her cup. 

“Thanks Lilly!” Hange grinned.

Lilly smiled at Hange. She was somewhat relieved she was here. There was something about her high energy and enthusiasm that was extremely refreshing to Lilly. Even if she got carried away at times, Lilly didn’t mind any. 

“Thank you.” Historia said as Lilly poured hers afterwards. 

The room was quiet still. Everyone was still waiting for answers. It was a heavy awkward feeling that filled the room.

Lilly made her way to where Levi was seated and hovered beside him as she began to pour his tea. 

 

*LEVI POV*

He could smell her. 

As she leaned over to pour him his tea, her scent rose to his nose and it drove him mad. How he wanted to just grab a fist full of her icy platinum hair and kiss her. 

Do more than kiss her. 

It had been well over two weeks now since he’d last bedded her. 

Too long for him. He’d grown hungry and even the slightest brush against his skin made him clench his teeth.

But they’d been busy. What could he really do.

So he’d remain frustrated.

She finished pouring his tea and all he could do was stare blankly at her. 

“Thank you.” He managed to say after sorting through his distracting thoughts. 

“You’re welcome.” She smiled politely. 

How he admired her for this. Being able to hold it all together and still smile despite all this going on around her. She had no clue about real details of it though.

But he knew her. 

And he knew though she was able to keep a calm outward appearance, that her mind was likely going a mile a minute. 

Levi couldn’t help but notice that everyone at the table seemed to get noticeably more quiet as Lilly interacted him. Even just pouring his tea. But especially Jean would pause and send side glances. He probably remembered what he and the others had walked in on earlier. 

But he didn’t care. 

Of course he hadn’t intended for Jean to have seen him kissing Lilly, holding her tightly against him as he reluctantly said goodbye to her. He was much more reserved than that. They had only assumed the brats were still upstairs cleaning away. 

He could remember just how red Jean’s face had gotten. 

He wasn’t by any means threatened by Jean. 

But he didn’t like how glued to Lilly’s side he was either. 

Surely It wouldn’t hurt to remind him what was his place was. 

“So are you going to tell us why we are all hiding up in the mountains away from everything and why we were ordered to wear casual clothing?” Jean asked abruptly. 

“Oh. Right.” Levi wiped his mouth and placed his napkin down. 

Lilly was waiting with a serious expression for his answer.

“We have a hunch that the royal government may be after Eren and Historia after recent events. Eren for his obvious titan abilities, and Historia for her connection with a noble family who may know more about titans than any of us. We aren’t quite sure why they want her, considering there are plenty of aristocratic families within these walls. This is suspicious to us alone. We are out here till things quiet down. Your jobs for now are to protect Eren and Historia.” Levi said. 

Levi couldn’t help but notice everyone’s puzzled expressions. He took a sip and placed his tea down quietly, feeling everyone’s eyes on him. He looked up again before starting to speak once more. 

“But though much as happened recently, our goal is still the same. That is to close the first hole in Wall Maria and to get to Eren’s basement. As long as we can do that, most of the details don’t matter. Whether it’s the people next to us turning into titans, a hair covered titan tossing boulders at us, or a handful of titans popping up inside the walls.” Levi said.

They all still remained silent, obviously in deep thought. Levi looked at Armin who was staring at the table thinking. 

“Hey, Armin. You said if things went well, that we could plug up the wall fast. Explain that again.” Levi said.

“Yes sir... my idea was to have Eren transform into a titan, then use his abilities to seal the wall. The walls seem to be made of hardened titan bodies, so if we could create enough matter on the spot to plug the hole... if that’s even possible of course. There’d be no need for wagons to carry large amounts of material like in the original plan. We could just choose a cloudy night when titans are less active, to head to the wall. If it’s just us, we should be able to travel the road from Trost District to Shiganshina District in one night. Under these ideal conditions, the mission to retake Wall Maria would take less than 24 hours.” Armin said. 

Everyone continued to be silent. 

Lilly was staring at her tea with almost no emotion, beside him. 

“But now that I’m talking about it again, it does sound like a pie in the sky dream.” Armin said with a frown. 

Levi looked up again at Armin.

“Whether that dream can become a reality depends on this guy.” Levi said as he nodded towards Eren who was seated across from him.

“Yes Sir. I understand that.” Eren answered.

“Hear that, Hange? He’s for it. And you’re the one who will choose where our experiments will take place.” Levi turned to look at Hange on his left side. 

“Yes, of course it’s my duty, as long as I’m alive...” Hange said in a serious tone that he’d not often heard her use. 

Levi furrowed his brows and his mouth fell slightly open. 

“Huh?” Was all he could manage.

“The Garrison is fully mobilized and patrolling the wall. That requires an incredible amount of labor and manpower. Patrols in the walled cities have become so infrequent, they can’t even maintain order. This situation will only compound chaos in the cities. We have to recapture Wall Maria. I’m even more convinced than before. I want everyone to feel safe again soon...” Hange looked at every single one of them and sighed. 

“I want this to be a world where people can live without fighting each other. That’s why I want to test out Eren’s powers as soon as possible. This time we will experiment without fear to find out more about his hardening ability, and everything else. The idea that he may have manipulated the titans......is an amazing possibility. If Eren can really do that, it very well could turn everything around!” Hange said with a hopeful smile. 

Levi’s eyes were still watching Hange. Something was up with her. 

“That’s why we can’t sit around and waste time! We have to hurry and take action but I still want Eren to lay low for the time being.” Hange said.

“What?!” Eren asked almost spitting out his food. 

“But... why?” Armin asked.

“The situation seems to be even more complicated than I thought.” Hange said. 

Levi raised and eyebrow and casually draped his arm over the back of his seat as he leaned back. He looked into Hange’s eyes. The look she returned to him confirmed she was caught.

“From the moment you got here, it looked like you’ve been on edge. Like you’re holding in a shit. You’ve still got that look on your face. So why do you need to keep it inside? Tell me Hange.” Levi said.

“Pastor Nick is dead.” Hange said suddenly.

“Huh?” Levi sat up.

He felt Lilly stir uncomfortably in the seat next to him. 

“He was found dead this morning in the Trost District barracks. I don’t know the cause of death, but I know he was tortured and murdered. I had thought that the church would try their hands on Nick once they learned he was helping the Survey Corps. That’s why I hid his identity and kept him hidden away in the barracks. But I never imagined they’d use soldiers to kill him. I was naive, that’s why he is dead.” Hange looked down.

Levi lifted his tea to his mouth and took a sip. 

“So the MPs tortured Pastor Nick to find out how much he told us?” Armin asked. 

“Probably... they’d want to know if the connection between the Reiss family and the church had gotten out, and they’d want to know where Eren and Historia are. This only confirms things further.” Levi said. 

“Of course we shared this information with Commander Erwin, Commander Pixis, and the entire Survey Corps. So the tables have turned on the interior MPs. We are watching them. So they shouldn’t be able to do anything too extreme. Still, if they change their methods, there’s still plenty of ways they could find us. We don’t know who is a friend or an enemy right now. Even coming here today, I had to assign shadows to look for anyone following us... though I don’t believe this location is compromised yet.” Hange said. 

Levi looked over to Lilly who seemed to be trying to process all of this information with the rest of her comrades. Levi then looked back towards Hange.

“So that’s why you want to hold off on the experiments with Eren?” Levi asked.

“Yeah. From the time Eren’s power was revealed, someone from the interior was trying desperately to get their hands on him. But since the recent turmoil, the level of pressure has changed. They’re trampling through territory that they used to see as off-limits. They may have already split into two military factions. Everything inside the walls has become unstable too. If you think about this calmly, it becomes more clear that outside enemies like Reiner and Bertholdt had allies on the inside the whole time. In other words, what we need to be worried about is being fatally stabbed in the back while our attention is diverted outside the walls.” Hange said as she looked around at everyone.

“So? You’re saying we should just sit here and have tea parties instead?” Levi asked. 

“There still a lot we could do inside. Like knitting!....please just for now.” Hange said. 

“Just for now? No, it’s the opposite. Do you think these people are going to give up that easily? They’ll find us here eventually. If we do nothing but run, then all that’s left for us to do is get caught. Hange, you’re normally clearheaded. But right now, you feel responsible for Nick getting killed and that’s made you timid. How many of Nick’s fingernails were torn off?” Levi asked. 

“Huh?” Hange asked. 

“Levi-“ 

“You saw him didn’t you?” Levi spoke over Lilly.

Hange didn’t answer.

“How many?” Levi asked.

“I don’t know. I only saw him for a moment but all the ones I could see were torn off.” Hange finally answered.

“Ah. If you’re going to talk, you’d talk after just one. If you’re not going to talk, it doesn’t matter how many they rip off. While I do think Nick was an idiot, it looks like he held onto his faith to the end. If there’s a strong chance Nick didn’t talk, then it’s possible that our someone in the interior hasn’t noticed that the Survey Corps is watching the Reiss family. Anyways, there are two paths we can go down. We go outside before we are stabbed in the back, or we exterminate our would be killers first. What do you choose Hange? ...Go before we are stabbed?” Levi asked.

“Both. We’ll do both at the same time.” Hange said with a determined look on her face.

“I guess that’s exactly what Erwin would say...” Levi said.

 

.......

 

After dinner, Levi started to help everyone clean up. They were all pretty quiet after their discussion. He couldn’t blame them.

This was a lot to chew. 

But it was strange to see Lilly acting so quiet around him too. Perhaps she was just being shy now that they weren’t alone at this point. They’d be lucky if they got to be alone together at this point.....

Either way, he needed to start planning the location of their experiments with Eren, which Hange would ultimately choose. But they needed to start getting the wheels turning quick. 

Levi brushed his arm past Lilly’s innocently as he walked past her to exit the kitchen, but then he heard Jean start to speak. 

“Is what Conny said about your theory true?” Jean asked. “Were the titans from Wall Rose really people? Was his mom really turned into a titan?” Jean asked Hange.

Lilly’s eyes opened wide and Levi instantly shot his eyes over to her.

Hange swallowed with a grim look on her face.

“It’s a theory, we can’t prove it. But there’s evidence that it may be the case.” Hange answered. 

 

*LILLY POV*

 

Lilly slowly walked past Levi who watched her quietly. She exited the cabin and stood outside, just trying to breathe in some fresh night air so she could think in peace. Crickets chirped around her as she stared up into the starry sky.

That couldn’t have been true....

How could the people of Radako been turned into titans? By who?

Lilly looked up into the sky and looked up at the stars which seemed to be far brighter out here than back at headquarters. She touched the silver pendant around her neck and took a deep breath. 

Oh how she missed her mother. She wished she could talk to her again. She wished she could tell her about April’s wedding which was coming up in only just a week. Would she even get to go now that they’re forced into hiding? Would she have to miss that special day now?

Why was everything such a mess?

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know they didn’t tell you.” Jean’s voice came from behind her. 

Lilly didn’t answer. She closed her eyes. 

She felt Jean pull her in and hug her tightly.

“I’m sorry that all of this is happening. If you need to talk about anything, you can lean on me. This isn’t an easy time for any of us.” Jean said into her hair.

“When did you hear this? About my village and the theory?” Lilly asked.

“A week ago. Conny was asked to go with Hange to discuss the evidence of the situation with Commander Erwin and Captain Levi after we returned from getting Eren back from Reiner and Bertholdt. I assumed Captain Levi would have told you....” Jean said.

She thought back to the week before.

Levi did look off a week ago. He looked like he was keeping something inside. 

Apparently a huge shit of his own.

It was his eyes that gave him away. That was the thing with his eyes. They could hide anything or tell everything.

But why hadn’t he told her?

“Careful getting so close, Kirsten.” Levi’s voice came from the doorway of the cabin. 

His tone was almost threatening.

He had his leg crossed over the other as he leaned against the doorframe. 

Lilly turned her head to look at Levi and frowned before looking away again. 

“She just got over a fever.” Levi said in a low tone.

Lilly could hear the irritation in Levi’s voice.

Jean stepped away and nodded at Lilly. 

“Goodnight Lilly, rest well. The offer still stands, if you ever need anyone to talk to.” Jean said as he walked past Levi to enter the cabin.

Levi kept his eyes on Lilly as she stared back at him. 

“Were you going to tell me?” Lilly asked with heavy eyes. 

Levi stared at her with no emotion before stepping forward. 

“It’s just a theory. It’s not a proven fact. Why fill your head with worry and your heart with hurt if this shit isn’t set in stone?” He asked. 

Lilly’s mouth fell open slightly. 

“Because it had to do with my village. My people....My parents.” Lilly’s voice cracked and she turned away from embarrassment. 

She felt Levi’s hand spin her around so she was looking into his eyes. 

“I didn’t want to hurt you if I didn’t need to. Like I said, this is not proven to be true. I don’t want to believe I’ve been spending all my time and energy running around actually killing people either.” He said. 

Lilly broke eye contact with him and looked away into the trees. Levi sighed and let go of her before turning his muscular back to her. He turned his head slightly before speaking. 

“I’ve set out your bed roll upstairs. You should rest. It’s been a long ride here. I’ll even try to fix the wood stove.” He said before disappearing into the darkness of the cabin. 

 

..........

 

After some thinking, Lilly eventually went inside and locked the door behind her. Everyone was still gathered in the living area chatting away and joking quietly. Lilly went up the stairs and saw Levi was kneeling down in front of the wood stove with a candle, trying to take apart the vent. 

She watched as he pulled the tube out, sending black soot and dust up into his face and all over the slate mantle. 

“Piece of shit.” Levi growled as he began to remove his now extremely filthy shirt. 

Lilly lifted her hand to her mouth and giggled in the doorway.

Levi turned around and glared at her with soot smeared across his face. Lilly slowly made her way over to him and knelt down beside him. 

“Can I help you?” She asked. 

“If you’re not still pissed at me.” He said as he put the rag down. 

“I think seeing you covered in filth like this has made it even. I can only imagine that your skin must be crawling right now.” Lilly said as she reached for a fresh cloth and the water bucket on the shelf in the corner. 

She returned in front of him and began to wash his face and neck. 

“I’m sorry.... that I didn’t tell you...” He said as she wiped his forehead. 

“Close your eyes.” Lilly said. 

He obediently closed his eyes and she took the cloth and wiped them. 

“You understand right?” He asked. 

“I do. Just kind of thought you were being a hypocrite.” Lilly answered with a small sigh. 

“What? Why?” Levi’s eyes shot open and he held her wrists still.

“Oh nothing. I just noticed you told Hange that she was holding in a shit earlier for not telling you something. But so were you. I could tell a week ago when you came into the bedroom that you weren’t telling me something.” Lilly said. 

Levi stared at her blankly. 

“You held in a big shit.” Lilly said to his face. 

Levi rolled his eyes and dove onto her, pushing her back and kissing her all over her face, smearing the soot on her skin. 

“Levi!” Lilly laughed loudly. 

Then they knocked over the water bucket onto the floor, spilling it onto a sleeping roll. 

“Uh oh...” Lilly said. 

“Well... that one can be Jean’s.” Levi said nonchalantly. 

“What?! You can’t just give him a wet bed roll.” Lilly said. 

“Yes I can. I planned for this one to be his anyways.” Levi said. 

“You planned them out? Like assigned them?” Lilly asked. 

Levi sat back and scratched his bare chest. 

“Yeah, yours is all the way over there.” Levi pointed to her roll which was truly in the opposite corner, and it really wasn’t possible for it to be any further from Jean’s. 

Lilly smirked and looked at Levi. 

“You’re jealous, aren’t you.” Lilly said as she raised a brow at him. 

“Tch. Jealous? Didn’t know you could be so funny.” Levi said as he grabbed the cloth and started wiping the soot away from his chest. 

“Funny? I’m just calling it as I see it.” Lilly said as she began to wipe up the spill. 

“You know how he feels about you.” Levi said in a more serious tone. 

“I do. But I’ve known him a long time. He’s always been a good friend.” Lilly said as she picked up the damp bedroll. 

“I know. I guess I can’t blame him. It’s just annoying.” Levi said as he stood up. “This wood stove probably wont be done tonight. We need to patch up the vent now. Anyways, my clothes are downstairs. Hang his bedroll to dry by the fireplace.” Levi said. 

Lilly looked up and smiled at him. 

.........

Lilly and Levi made their way downstairs and everyone’s eyes were glued to them. 

Obviously because not only was Levi shirtless, but they were both completely covered in black soot. 

“Well I hoped you guys fixed the wood stove.” Jean said in a aggravated tone as he glared at them, obviously trying not to look at Levi. 

“Well, you’re out of luck there Kirstein. And your bedroll is wet. We will leave it here to dry.” Levi said. 

“Wet?! Why is it wet?....wet with what?!” Jean looked disgusted. 

“Oh. It’s just water.” Levi said as he placed it down on the floor in front of the fire. 

“Well you guys look like you had fun.” Hange said giving Levi a suspicious smile.

“Tch. That vent shot soot out everywhere, just Incase you couldn’t see through those shitty glasses of yours. The stove will have to wait until tomorrow.” Levi said.

“So are we all going to freeze up there tonight?” Mikasa asked.

“Any of you are more than welcome to bring your rolls down here for tonight.” Levi said. 

“I call the couch!” Conny said as he got up and ran upstairs. 

“What? You’re small enough to fit on the loveseat! I’m the tallest one here!” Jean said. 

Eren and Mikasa went upstairs quietly followed by Armin and Historia. 

“I don’t mind sleeping up there. It shouldn’t be too cold with the chimney going up the wall.” Hange said.

“Yeah, I don’t mind either. I get too hot when I sleep anyways. When I do sleep.” Levi said as he found a change of clothes. 

“There is a creek just behind the cabin, Captain, if you’re trying to wash up.” Hange said.

“Good to know.” Levi said as he threw a towel over his shoulder. 

“Waters cold. Obviously.” Hange said. 

“Lilly, come get washed. You’re gross.” Levi said as he opened the door. 

“Oh... I’ll meet you outback. I have to grab a night shirt.” Lilly said as she started to make her way up stairs. 

When she entered the bedroom, each of the girls were taking turns changing in the closet. She quietly went through her bag and found a jacket and a night shirt and then held them in her arms. 

“Going to wash up?” Eren asked. 

“Yeah. Not looking forward to it.” Lilly said.

“The water is really cold. Sucks not having showers out here. But hopefully we won’t have to stay out here too long.” Eren smiled, his green eyes watching her. 

“Do you have a spare towel Eren?” Lilly asked as she went through her bag. 

“Yeah, let me grab it for you.” Eren said as he opened up his bag. 

Lilly took a seat beside him on his bed roll. 

Just then Mikasa exited the closet with her nightgown on. 

“What are you looking for Eren?” Mikasa asked. 

“Lilly needs a towel.” Eren said. “Ah there it is.” Eren pulled out a white towel. 

“Oh, the creek is really cold.” Mikasa said. 

“So I’ve been told. Three times. Must be really cold. Thanks Eren.” Lilly smiled. 

“Yeah no problem... Hey by the way, we heard you laughing up here with Captain Levi. I never heard you laugh like that before.” Eren said. 

Lilly’s face turned red and she twisted her hair in her fingers. Why was he saying this to her?

“Well I don’t know, he just was joking around?..and it made me laugh.” Lilly explained, not that she was sure that an explanation was what Eren was asking for. 

“Really? He was ... joking around?” Eren asked and looked at Mikasa with surprise. 

Mikasa just shrugged.

“Well yeah. We kinda pick on each other...” Lilly said sheepishly. 

“I’m sorry, I’m not trying to get in your business. It’s just I remember when I first joined the scouts and when I actually saw the way Levi was... I just wasn’t expecting him to be so serious all the time...and intimidating. Petra broke it down for me back then....So hearing you upstairs laughing like that with him was just strange for all of us. I mean, we’ve all had an ass whooping from Levi at one point or another.” Eren said. 

“Yeah, even you Lilly.” Mikasa said as she sat beside Eren. 

“Oh you guys remember that?” Lilly asked.

“Yeah. Why do you think everyone was so shocked when you ended up together?” Mikasa said. 

“I guess I didn’t think of it that way. I’m sorry you guys walked in on us in the kitchen earlier. We didn’t think anyone was downstairs.” Lilly said bashfully.

“Why are you sorry? You mean when he kissed you?” Eren said. 

“We usually try to be a bit more discreet is all.” Lilly said. 

“Nah, I don’t care. I think it’s nice seeing the Captain act like a normal person. You know, the whole having obvious feelings thing. I think he has a lot of stress and pressure on his shoulders, so if kissing you makes him feel even a little better, then who am I to say anything.” Eren said. 

“Wow Eren. I didn’t realize you were so thoughtful.” Lilly laughed. 

“One of the most thoughtful people I know.” Mikasa said. 

“Well thanks you guys. I better go meet Captain Levi out back. He’s probably getting impatient.” Lilly laughed. 

“Oh yeah. He’s definitely going to say something to you.” Eren said and laughed. 

Lilly laughed and quickly made her way down the stairs and past Jean and out the door. 

“Hey Lilly-“ 

“Not now, I’m in a hurry!” Lilly said as she ran out into the grass and around the cabin. 

She could see the small glow of a candle through the trees a little ways. She quickly ran through the trees, almost tripping over a root. 

She finally made it to the creek and saw Levi washing himself on the edge of the water with a towel around his waist. The air was chilly and she could tell he was trying to hurry. He looked up at her with displeasure.

“What took so long? Don’t you know it’s cold?” Levi said as he began to slide a grey long sleeve shirt over his head. 

“Sorry, I forgot to pack a towel.” Lilly said as she crouched down and put her finger in the water. 

Freezing cold.

“Oh no. I am not washing myself in this water more than one night.” Lilly said. 

“Tomorrow we will be able to heat up wash bucket on the stove so you can use it in the room. But we will have to use the creek if you want to get thoroughly clean is all. Don’t worry about it. Just hurry up and get clean.” Levi said as he handed her some soap. 

Lilly quickly pulled up her dress and began washing her legs.

“Oh this is sooo cold.” Lilly said as she washed her skin.

“Hurry and we can get inside.” Levi said from behind her. 

“I’m trying. Turn around and make sure no one is coming.” Lilly said.

“No one is coming. Are you kidding me. We are so far from everything and everyone.” Levi grumped. 

Lilly huffed and started to pull her dress over her head. Her nipples immediately perked up as soon as the chilly night air blew against her. She heard a stick crunch behind her.

“You’re not sly, Levi.” She said as she brought her cloth up to her chest. 

“And all this time I thought I was.” He said. 

Lilly felt his hand snake down her shoulder. 

“You should let a lady bathe in peace.” Lilly smirked as she felt the warmth of his hand radiating onto her chilled wet skin. 

Levi lowered his face to her ear and nipped at it.

“You’re no lady. You’re just a brat.” Levi said in a low tone, reaching down for her breast. 

“Levi Ackerman, let me bathe so I can get dressed.” Lilly said. 

“Alright, Alright. Just hurry it up.” Levi backed off her slowly. 

Lilly finished washing her body and then wet her hair carefully. She was shivering and trying her best to get clean, but this would have to do till tomorrow. 

Lilly turned around to grab her towel but it was gone, along with her clothes. She let her hand fall to the grass and she looked up to the sky. 

“Levi, give me my clothes.” Lilly said, trying to hide the smile curving on her lips. 

“I have them. They’re right here.” Levi said, holding her clothes in his arms. 

Lilly stood up, naked and dripping wet. 

“Can I have them please?” Lilly asked. 

“Sure, come get them.” Levi said. 

Lilly slowly walked towards him, hoping he wouldn’t give her a hard time.

“I just enjoy seeing you like this.” Levi said as he handed her the towel. 

“Like what? Cold?!” Lilly asked as she wrapped herself up in the towel.

“Nude.” Levi said. 

“Pervert.” Lilly jabbed. 

She could feel water dripping off her eyelashes. 

“It’s been a while you know. Since we’ve done anything. Can you blame me?” Levi asked, looking at her with icy eyes and a frown. 

“How long?” Lilly asked as she slid her sleeping gown over her head. 

“Two weeks. That’s long enough.” Levi said firmly. 

“Well aren’t you straight forward.” Lilly said as she began to walk past him.

“I like to think so.” Levi said as he followed her back to the cabin.

........

When they entered the cabin, they saw Jean sprawled out on the loveseat, and Conny and Sasha huddled together on the couch. Eren and Mikasa were laying next to each other not far from the fireplace. Historia was sleeping off to the side. 

Lilly slowly crept up the stairs with Levi trailing close behind her. When they got upstairs, Hange was sitting against the wall looking over maps by the warm glow of candlelight.

“It’s late four eyes.” Levi said. 

“I’m just trying to choose a good location for the experiments. The sooner I decide, the sooner we can start.” Hange said. 

“I’ll help you in the morning. You’ve had a long day.” Levi said as he moved his bedroll over closer to Lilly’s. 

“I guess I can finish narrowing down my search in the morning.” Hange said as she started to fold her maps up. 

A worried expression was still worn on her face.

Lilly climbed into her bedroll, and instantly felt the discomfort of laying on the floor. Levi climbed into his bedroll next to her and just stared at the ceiling until Hange blew out the candle. 

Lilly sighed and tried to roll over on her side to get comfortable. But all she could feel was the her hipbones digging into the floor. The bedroll wasn’t necessarily the thickest. She she rolled over onto her stomach, but felt like her breasts were being crushed. So she rolled over on her other side but tried curling her legs up. Still not comfortable.

It was extremely difficult to go from sleeping in a mattress to sleeping on the floor. How long were they going to stay here? 

Lilly rolled over onto her back again, and then felt Levi’s hand on her shoulder. She looked over and saw him get up on his elbow and open his roll, inviting her in. 

Lilly quietly climbed out of hers and slid in front of Levi into his. She grabbed her pillow and placed it under her legs to create more of a cushion between her and the floor. Levi stuck his arm under his pillow, and his other arm around her small waist. He pressed his mouth against the back of her neck, sending goosebumps across her skin.

It was much warmer this way. 

Lilly closed her eyes and started to drift into sleep with the quiet sounds of his breaths puffing against her skin.


	38. Trial and Eren

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Must be rough but I’ll stay by your side.

A cool breeze blew past Lilly’s nose the next morning, causing her eyes to lazily open. She rolled over on her side and saw the window had been cracked slightly to let some fresh air in the room. To her surprise, the room was actually quite warm despite the wood stove not being fixed yet. 

Hange and Levi must have gone downstairs already. 

She could hear the sounds of dishes and Conny and Sasha’s laughter in the kitchen.

Did she wake up last? 

Lilly sat up and rubbed at the soreness in her muscles. Sleeping on the floor would do that to you though.

She decided it’d be best to wear pants and a button up shirt today since they’d more than likely be going out to start their experiments with Eren today. This would allow her to put her ODM harness on as soon as she was given the word. 

She slowly stretched her arms and legs as she did most mornings, and then went downstairs to join the others.

“There she is. Jeeze Lilly, how long can you sleep for?” Jean asked from the kitchen. 

“Is it that late?” Lilly asked as she started to walk into the kitchen. 

White sunlight from the morning sun filled the kitchen, giving it a warm comforting feeling. The window was slightly opened in the kitchen as well, and the smell of dew on grass entered the room. She looked around the kitchen and sighed softly. Everyone was eating their breakfast and chatting quietly. 

She couldn’t help but smile warmly as she watched them all. 

This was her family now.

A pretty dysfunctional one, but a family nonetheless.

Jean got up and grabbed a plate off the counter and handed it to Lilly. 

“Here. I put this aside for you.” Jean said. 

“Thank you. That was thoughtful.” Lilly gave him a sleepy smile and yawned as she took the plate. 

Levi was sitting at the end of the table with Hange with their papers and dishes scattered. Levi’s eyes were watching Lilly as she walked across the kitchen. 

“You must have been really tired Lilly. It’s not like you to sleep so late.” Hange said. 

“I guess so.” Lilly said as she took her seat. 

Lilly picked up a bright red berry and popped it into her mouth. 

“Sasha, you ate your food already, stop trying to pick off my plate!” Conny said.

“You don’t even like raspberries!” Sasha groaned. 

“Well I still need to eat what I have!” Conny said.

Lilly smiled to herself and shook her head as she listened to the couple bicker. 

“You’re well rested I assume?” Levi asked quietly from beside her. 

“Oh, yes.” Lilly answered. 

“Here! This is where we will commence the experiments.” Hange pointed to the map firmly. 

Levi returned his attention back on the map and gazed down where Hange was pointing.

“Are you sure?” He asked.

“Positive.” Hange smiled confidently.

 

...........

 

Later that day....

 

“Eren!” Mikasa screamed as Eren’s titan form collapsed.

Hange had been putting Eren through many tests all morning. They watched hopefully as he followed Hange’s commands. Things like balancing on one foot, to building a small house, to writing in the dirt. Lilly had been especially surprised at how well Eren could build a house in this form. He could probably easily build a castle. 

But each time Eren transformed, he slowly became less obedient. 

He had less control. 

It was like he was slowly turning into a real titan. Lilly watched carefully with her hands on her blades from the top of the rock formation, her brows furrowed and eyes narrowed with concentration. 

She had to be prepared for things to go wrong. 

They were trained to always think that way so they’d always be ready for the worst. 

And Eren was finally at his limit. 

If they got too close now, would he lash out?

“What’s wrong Eren?! Finished already?!” Hange shouted from the cliff that they stood on. They looked down on Eren’s steaming body.

Eren’s titan form continued to be motionless.

“Get up! Humanity’s future is riding on you!” Hange shouted. 

Lilly stood beside Levi as they looked down at Eren. Levi was standing incredibly still, eyes glued to titan form below. But then the steam cleared. And Eren’s titan form was actually much shorter than usual, and his legs looked shriveled up and unusable. 

Most interesting of all, Eren’s actual human body seemed to be sticking out from the nape. 

“Stand!” Hange shouted to Eren in a frustrated tone.

“Hey four eyes. Don’t you think that Eren looks different this time? He’s not even ten meters tall, and he’s missing some flesh.” Levi began. “Also, Eren’s ass is hanging out.” He looked to Hange.

“I know that!! Eren, do you think you can still move your titan? If so, give us some sort of signal!! If you don’t, we are digging you out of there!” Hange shouted down at Eren.

Just then Mikasa launched off the side of the formation they were standing on and went down to Eren in a hurry. Lilly’s eyes widened. That girl had some guts. Always moving without any given order. She knew this annoyed Levi. 

“No, he’s not responding! We’re done!” Mikasa shouted back at them.

“Hey, that gloomy little brat is ignoring orders again. Should we punish her?” Levi spoke as he looked at Hange.

Hange didn’t answer, but jumped down with Mikasa and tried to pull Eren out of his titan form.

Lilly shrugged at him and jumped down too to see if she could be of any help.

“Is he okay?” Lilly asked as she stepped forward.

“Hot! Hot! Eren you’re seriously hot right now!” Hange shouted as she was being careful not to burn her hands on the boy’s skin. 

“Wait, Stop! Eren’s bleeding! Let me do it!” Mikasa shouted and tried to hold Eren.

“Wow, this is incredible! He’s way more attached than he was earlier! He’s fused with the titan’s body like they’re becoming one! He might just end up turning into a titan if we left him like this! Would it be okay to try it? Or would that make me a bad person?!” Hange asked excitedly.

Hange finally pulled Eren from the titan but his face was horribly disfigured. His flesh appeared to have melted off his face, revealing blood covered parts of his skull and muscle tissue. 

It was absolutely disgusting.

Lilly gagged and turned around. The sight made her feel ill. She’d never seen anything like it in her entire life. Levi looked at her with an expressionless face before looking back at the awful event happening before them. 

“Woahhh Levi! Look! Eren’s face is seriously messed up! Hurry, someone get a sketch of this! Is he going to get his old face back?! We’ll need it for comparison later!” Hange held Eren from under his arms as Mikasa cut the rest of his body free. 

“Experiment complete! Everyone withdraw immediately!” Hange announced.

Lilly pinched the bridge of her nose.

“What did I sign myself up for? Out of all the messed up things I’ve seen...” She said as they started to get Eren into the wagon.

All Levi did was pat her on the back before putting his hood on.

“Historia, you get in the wagon with Eren.” Levi ordered.

“Yes Sir.” Historia said obediently.

“Jean, Conny, Mikasa, and Lilly. Search the area and make sure absolutely no one was watching us. Also assure no one follows us back.” Levi ordered.

“Yes Sir.” Lilly replied as she lifted her hood and hopped up on her horse.

“We really can’t do this quietly, can we? That telltale steam rises high in the sky every time he transforms. Even in the mountains.” Hange said with a worried expression.

“We need to assume they’re watching from somewhere.” Levi said. 

Lilly rode ahead with the others before dispersing into the woods. She rode quietly, keeping her eyes peeled for anyone who could be following her or hiding around in the trees. 

Normally a quiet ride in the woods would have been just the medicine Lilly needed. But now with their current circumstances, it was nothing but frightening. And she felt paranoid and on edge. Even when she passed some herbs that would have been useful, she resisted the urge to forage them and kept riding forward. She was riding alone, and if anyone were to jump out in her, they’d more than likely do it while she was dismounted and hunched over, distracted by some plant.

It was terribly clear now that their government was corrupt and hiding something. 

And that was terrifying.

Lilly rode on and still hadn’t come across any spies. So she cut across the woods and followed behind the wagon from a distance, looking behind her every chance she had.

......

 

When they arrived home, the first thing they did was lay Eren down on his roll to regenerate again. 

Everyone was pretty quiet, after their hopes of Eren being able to harden in titan form was crushed. 

Mikasa hadn’t left his side even once, and Hange went up every so often to check on his progress. He seemed to be growing his face back well, so that was a relief to Lilly. 

She didn’t know if her stomach could handle his face being like that any longer. So she remained outside, keeping watch. 

She tried to keep her mind busy so she wouldn’t overthink the current situation they were all in. Everyone else was doing the same. Hell, even Jean was pacing back in forth in the kitchen. Historia sat on the sofa tapping her boot nervously. 

So she decided to try and chop wood for that night. She might as well be productive. 

She walked over to the chopping block and placed a short log on it. She lifted the ax off the ground and raised it over her head and began chopping. Her muscles burned as she chopped, but it was a good burn. 

And she welcomed the distraction. So she kept going. She kept going long after her body was screaming for her to stop. And then she became lightheaded.

She stumbled back and leaned against the house and closed her eyes.

“I should have assigned you to splitting the wood instead.” Levi’s voice came from in front of her. 

Lilly just gave him a weak smile as she caught her breath. 

“You alright?” Levi asked. 

“Yeah, just finished burning off my energy is all.” Lilly said as she moved her hair from her face. 

“That’s too bad. I was going to see if you wanted to go on a walk. I’m pissed off.” Levi said as he rested his arm against the cabin, his mouth in a tight line. His eyes seemed icier than they normally were. 

And that was pretty intimidating.

“Just in the woods?” Lilly asked. 

“Yeah. Just in the woods.” Levi said his hair hanging over his eye.

Lilly looked up in the sky at the fluffy white clouds and sighed. A nice walk in the woods with him would probably help ease her mind a bit. And hopefully his too. No one wanted to fall victim to a unhappy Captain Levi. 

 

They had already checked the surrounding areas to ensure it was clear anyways so she didn’t need to worry much. Why not?

“Alright. Let’s go. Eren’s still not awake.” Lilly said as she pushed herself off the side of the wooden home. 

............

Lilly looked up in the trees and saw that the tops were just starting to change color now. Would they be here to see them change completely? She could only imagine how beautiful it’d be out here in the mountains. They walked quietly for awhile next to each other, looking around and taking in the peaceful song of the forest. Twigs snapping under their boots, leaves bristling in the breeze, songbirds in the trees, water flowing over rocks. Every so often, Lilly would brush her hands over the rough bark of the trees as she passed them. Levi watched her as she did this with his hands in his pockets. 

Levi continued to walk beside her for awhile and then he paused and put his hand out to stop her. 

“You hear that?” He asked. 

Lilly paused and her eyes went wide. 

“What? What’s wrong? Is someone here?” Lilly whispered and looked around frantically.

Levi looked at her and shook his head. 

“No. There’s a waterfall nearby.” Levi said.

“Oh.” Lilly said quietly. 

“Well, don’t you want to see it?” Levi asked.

Lilly looked at him and nodded. He then started to walk ahead of her, following the sound of the water. They kept walking through the trees and climbed up a little hill until they saw an opening where the waterfall was located. Lilly walked ahead of Levi and stood at the edge of it looking down at the pool of water below. 

“This must be where the creek comes to.” Lilly said. 

“Most likely.” Levi said as he stood on the edge of the rocks. 

Lilly crouched down and dipped her fingers into the cool water and looked down into the pool below them once more. The water wasn’t nearly as cold as the night before. Today’s weather was much more pleasant.

“It’s beautiful out here, regardless of the circumstances.” Lilly said. 

She heard Levi step behind her and she looked up at him. He held out his hand to her and she took it softly in hers and rose to her feet. Lilly looked over to the stream and saw there were stones that she could probably use to cross to the other side. The water was pretty shallow. Maybe only about 6 or 7 inches deep. Many colorful tiny stones were at the bottom, shining through the water. 

“Don’t even think about it, you’ll fall.” Levi said. 

“What?! No I won’t. I’m steady on my feet.” Lilly said as she started to walk over to where the first rock was. 

She took a small hop and landed on the rock. She looked back and smiled at him. He rolled his eyes with his arms tightly crossed. He definitely was not in a good mood. She took another hop and landed on the next one.

“See? I am pure grace!” Lilly grinned widely. 

“Yeah, you sure are.” Levi said as he watched her hop to the next stone.

She was now in the middle of the stream and was looking for the next rock she could use to cross. She finally spotted one and made a leap for it, but just as she was about to land, a frog jumped onto the rock and croaked at her. She squeaked in surprise, then missed the rock with her foot, causing her to slip and land face first in the water. 

She felt the cool water flow around her. She slowly lifted her head and turned around and sat on her butt in the water to look at Levi, who had turned around with his hand appearing to be covering his mouth. 

“Are you laughing at me?” Lilly asked.

Levi continued to stand with his back towards her and he shook his head, hand still over his mouth.

“I told- I told you you’d fall.” Levi said. 

“You are laughing at me!” Lilly exclaimed. 

The thing was, Lilly had never heard him laugh. And even now, this wasn’t really what you’d call a typical laugh. It sounded more like him trying to hold back a muffled noise in his throat. 

But she’d take it. 

Levi turned around and looked at her with a slight hint of amusement in his eyes, but other than that, there was only a small curve in the corners of his mouth. 

“Are you going to help me up or not?” Lilly asked while feeling the smooth gravel under her hands, and the water splashing up at her elbows. 

Levi shook his head and huffed. He started walking towards the first stone she used to cross the stream. He jumped from that one over to her previous one, skipping a few of the ones she had used. She rolled her eyes and glared at him.

“Show off.” Lilly said under her breath. 

Levi ignored her as he stood beside her on the stone and reached his hand down for her. But she went over his hand and grabbed his forearm firmly and pulled as hard as she could, pulling him into the stream with her. She heard him start to curse as he sat up, soaked and glaring at her. She looked at him and started laughing at the sight of his hair clinging to his face and his eyebrows knitted together in an angry fashion. 

She kept laughing and pointing at him as the stream flowed over their laps.

He then leaned over quickly and grabbed her by her face. She stopped laughing but she smiled as she looked into his angry eyes. He was still frowning and his eyebrows still furrowed. Water droplets were speckled on his face.

“What about getting me soaked is so funny to you?” He grabbed her collar and glared at her.

Lilly bit her lip to keep herself from laughing.

“I can’t stand you.” He said. 

“I can’t stand you either.” Lilly grinned.

Levi paused as he studied her face. She watched as his eyes traveled around her face and then rested on her mouth. He took a small sigh before returning his eyes on hers. 

“But I don’t know if I could ever truly be angry at you with that stupid grin.” He said just inches from her face. 

Lilly’s face softened and her mouth parted as she looked up at him. He was leaning over her now, just glaring at her. Her eyes traveled from the steely blue of his eyes over to his cheekbones and down to his frowning mouth. It was wet from the water of the stream, and without thinking, she reached up for his lips with her fingers just to touch them. He froze under her touch, and then slowly leaned in over her to kiss her open mouth. She kissed him back slowly, supporting herself on her hands that were still behind her. Water flowed around them as they kissed in the stream, and Levi slowly leaned even more onto her. Before she knew it, she was practically on her back, propping herself up with her bent arms. 

Levi reached for her button up shirt and undid the buttons. 

“I’m so annoyed.” He breathed. 

“Because of today?” Lilly asked as Levi began licking the water droplets off her chest while tilting her head back with his rough hand. 

Lilly knew where this was headed. 

“Fucking Eren.” Levi said against her skin in a breathy tone.

A small gasp left her lips when his mouth found her nipple and began nipping at it. She felt his hand grope at her thighs. 

“How frustrating.” Lilly breathed.

The sensation was driving her mad as he teased the inside of her upper thigh and she let out a whimper. He continued to suck at her skin and grab at her thighs in a needy manner.

“Fucking letting us all down.” Levi huffed as he undid Lilly’s pants and slid them down under the shallow water.

This feeling was new to her, but it felt so good to her. The clashing sensations of the cool water running over her hot body. She looked up into Levi’s lustful eyes and her need was lit like a match. 

She grew hungry. 

Lilly reached up and started unbuttoning Levi’s shirt, then began planting rough kisses on his throat. Levi let out a small groan as he clenched unto her hips. 

“So disappointing.” Lilly breathed against his neck, her hands tugging at his raven hair.

“What a fucking brat.” Levi breathed into her mouth, teeth nipping at her lower lip.

Levi undid his pants in a rough manner. His irritation and frustration was blatantly obvious now. He leaned over her once more, cradling her head in his hand to keep it above the water, and positioning himself against her with the other. 

“Right here?” Lilly breathed as the cool water flowed through her hair and over her belly. 

“It’s been too long. I don’t care where anymore. I’ll take you here in this shitty stream.” Levi breathed as he slid into her, causing her to arch her back.

“It’s not shitty.” Lilly said as she scraped her teeth against his warm neck.

She breathed heavily as he thrusted into her hungrily and relentlessly in the water. He pressed his mouth against her jaw as he moved within her. Water splashed upwards every time he moved, and all Lilly could see looking up was the clouds in the blue sky. Levi became more rough with her, his teeth scraping against her own throat, fingers grasping tightly at her wet skin. 

“Levi.” She huffed as his thrust sharply drove into her.

He was far too lost in her.

She cried out when another deep thrust filled her.

“I’m sorry.” He breathed into ear. 

He eased up slightly before grabbing hold of her chin and sliding is tongue into her mouth. Their tongues danced together as they tugged at each other’s hair, trying desperately to get closer. 

And she drank up his frustration.

She took in his stress.

Her hips lifted involuntarily to let him gain further access to her. She pulled at his incredibly soft hair that was damp with fresh stream water as she started to feel the beginning of her orgasm hit her like a ton of bricks. 

She threw her head back and cursed under her breath as her body trembled with pleasure. 

 

Perhaps this was just what they needed after a day like that.

..............

 

Lilly walked back to the cabin with Levi in their soaked clothes and changed quietly before anybody could ask them what happened. 

Well, Mikasa had seen them return, but she didn’t even bother. 

After they were changed, Levi and Lilly started gathering the wood she had split from earlier and stacking it neatly against the cabin. Just then, she heard the window upstairs open above her head. 

“Eren is awake!” Conny shouted from the window. 

Lilly and Levi looked at each other for a moment.

“Don’t be too hard on him.” Lilly said.

Levi didn’t answer. He just turned around to enter the house, and she followed him closely behind, hoping he’d keep his cool inside.

When they entered the room, Eren was sitting up in his bedroll with Hange wasting no time to go over what had happened during the experiments. Lilly and Levi sat next to Eren with Mikasa and Armin to listen in. Jean and Historia came up the stairs shortly after.

“That time, your titan was less than ten meters tall. It was so incomplete that you couldn’t stand on your own. It was even more fused to your body, and tearing you out was a lot of work.” Hange said as she reviewed her notes. 

“....so at the very least....this means we won’t be able to start immediately on the operation to retake Wall Maria. All because I couldn’t harden my titan body.” Eren said in a sullen tone.

He looked extremely upset with himself, and Lilly almost felt bad for him. 

At least he tried...

“That’s exactly right.” Levi spoke. 

Lilly shot her eyes to Levi and opened her mouth to speak. She put her hand on his arm but he paid her no attention.

“It was a real disappointment to us. And everyone’s been miserable today because of it. We can’t let anymore time go to waste. What’s next? Titans might rise up out of the ground. Maybe they’ll come raining down out of the sky....” Levi said with a irritated look on his face.

Lilly shut her mouth. She knew it was in her best interest to not intervene when Levi was like this.

“And humanity’s still a pack of toothless prey animals. In any case, we are in a shitty situation.” Levi continued.

Lilly looked at Eren who was frowning deeply. His green eyes met with hers and she tried to apologize with her expression. 

She didn’t dare speak. 

“Eren tried his best. He did everything he could.” Mikasa glared at Levi. 

“I know that. But so what? Why does it matter that he tried his best? Right now we can’t close that hole.” Levi snapped.

“But blaming Eren for that-“ Mikasa started as she stood up to look down on Levi.

Lilly quickly whipped her eyes over to a Mikasa and stiffened her body. 

“Hold on, I’m just being an asshole. I’m not blaming him. Going over our shortcomings and bitching is an important ritual.” Levi said as he put his hand up. 

Lilly pressed her face into her hand and sighed.

“Take a whiff. Inside these walls, the air’s always stunk like trash. It’s been that way for over a hundred years. We’ve always lived in shit. That’s our situation. I didn’t notice it till just a few years ago. After all, I’ve sucked in this stink since the day I was born. I saw it as normal. But the air I breathed outside the walls was different. Yes, life out there is hell... but it’s got something the walls don’t....freedom. Out there, I finally saw what I’ve been missing.” Levi said.

By then, the whole room was staring at him in shock. 

“In other words, what Levi is trying to say is that we learned that you can’t harden your titan body, and that’s a success. That’s not all either! We also learned how long you can stay a titan after multiple transformations, and we also got a rough idea of your versatility and limitations. Everything you gave us during this experiment gave us useful information. We will probably have to pay the price for letting of this steam signals in the sky, but now our job is to make the most of those results.” Hang said in a cheerful tone, looking back at Levi. 

“In other words, let’s keep fighting. Is that what you meant, Levi?” Hange asked.

“Yeah... thanks for that.” He answered. 

.........

That night Lilly had helped prepare dinner again.  
No one really had the energy to put something more elaborate together.  
But everyone was happy about the newly fixed wood stove. 

Everyone gathered in the living area to talk amongst themselves while Levi and Hange talked in the kitchen at the table. 

Lilly had taken her seat next to Eren on the couch and listened as everyone talked about how much they missed their homes, and what they feared now that things had turned up this way.

But Lilly couldn’t keep her eyes open, even though she could have used a nice vent session herself. The next thing she knew, she was drifting off to sleep while sitting up. 

Later on, Lilly was awakened by a sudden shake on her shoulder. She opened her eyes and saw she had fallen asleep on Eren. She looked up at him and saw he’d fallen asleep too, along with everyone else on the couches. She looked the other way and saw Levi staring down at her in the darkness. 

“Do you want to come upstairs to sleep, or do you want to continue sleeping on Jaeger?” Levi asked quietly.

“I don’t know, Eren’s pretty comfortable.” Lilly said quietly with a smirk.

“Tch.” Levi took his hand off her shoulder and started to walk up the stairs. 

Lilly slowly got up and crept up the stairs after Levi. Hange was already in her bedroll with her glasses taken off beside her. Levi was just opening his roll and adjusting his pillow. 

Lilly crawled into the bedroll as he held it open, and looked up at him and sighed. He crawled in behind her and lowered his head so his lips were just outside her ear.

“What?” He asked. 

Lilly turned to look at him and reached up for his face. 

“I feel embarrassed to say this, but I’m... nervous. About all of this... Do you think they saw the steam in the sky? What will they do if they catch us?” Lilly asked. 

Levi stared at her, his eyes piercing into her’s even in the darkness of the room. 

“We are doing everything we can to make sure no one finds us.” Levi said. 

Lilly breathed out slowly and looked to the side. He intertwined his hand with hers before pulling her against him with the other. Lilly buried her face in his neck and closed her eyes. 

 

She truly hoped he was right.

 

She truly hoped no one would find them.

 

She signed up to potentially die in the foreign belly of a titan.

 

Not at the familiar hands of a man.


	39. Not Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, thank you all for your support and encouraging words! It really means so much. Thanks for taking the time out of your days to read <3 Anyways, here’s another longer chapter for all of you, expect another update within the next few days! 
> 
> -Liv

The next morning, Lilly woke up suddenly out of a dream. 

She had been sitting at the kitchen table with her mother and father, telling them everything that had happened the past month. As if they had never passed.

It was so real. 

They were there. 

She could smell the bread in the kitchen. She could smell the lavender that hung from the rafters above her head. All the small details on her father’s handsome face were shown brightly and vividly to her. The stubble of his beard and the way it scratched her face. The soft curl of her mother’s brown hair. The gentleness and underlying pain in her eyes. The way the grain of the wooden table felt under her hand. The sound of the wind chimes outside the window. 

It was all there.

And now it was all gone.

It was all dangled in her face, and taken away once more.

Everything started to spin. She sat up. 

An ache filled her gut, and she knew she was going to vomit.

She got to her feet quickly while holding her stomach and tried to make her way to the bucket across the room. She practically tripped over Hange before kneeling down over the bucket and becoming ill. Hange had sat up and watched Lilly with concern on her face. 

Lilly felt warm tears trickle down her cheeks. She closed her eyes to hide anymore.

Why couldn’t it have been real? 

She’d give anything. 

She clutched onto her necklace and wiped her eyes. 

It had been a while since she’d cried over her parents’ death. And she certainly did not want to talk about it.

“Are you okay?” Hange asked as she put on her glasses and looked at Lilly with concern.

Lilly turned and looked at her after wiping her mouth on her sleeve. She then wrapped her arms around Hange. She took a deep breath. Hange lifted her arms and wrapped them around her in return without another word.

“Did someone just puke?” Levi poked his head into the room. 

“Lilly.” Hange said. 

“Gross....” He said as he winced in disgust. 

He then quietly retreated back downstairs. 

“You feel better?”

“Yeah, just was a bit dizzy.” Lilly said as she got to her feet. 

.................

After they ate and got dressed, they took Eren out again to experiment some more. They were really pushing to see if he could harden his titan form. Lilly stood by and kept watch as they put Eren through multiple tests. At this point, they were trying to be vigilant in making sure no one would come near the experiment site, so a few members of the squad, like Lilly, were scattered around the perimeter to keep an eye out.

And Levi didn’t want Lilly to puke just Incase Eren’s face was melted off again.

Fairly considerate.

Everyone naturally avoided going near her after she was sick that morning. In a way she didn’t mind the solitude. Not with all this mess happening. 

But Levi had kept his distance. He had a thing about germs too, not just dirt and mildew. She didn’t take it personally. 

Another hour had passed and Lilly’s eyes had started to feel heavy.

She decided to lean against a tree as she watched Eren’s titan steam rise into the darkening sky. They sky was beautiful now, starting to change from blue to a nice shade of purple. The clouds were also turning pink as the sun started to set below them. The silhouettes if the trees went dark around the canyon they were in. 

It was beautiful.

She decided to sit. 

Then she went from sitting, to simply resting her eyes.

And from resting her eyes to falling completely asleep.

 

...........

 

“Hey.”

 

“Lilly.”

 

“Hey!” Levi barked as he tapped her boot with his. 

Lilly looked up sleepily at Levi who was scowling at her. She then quickly got to her feet when she realized she’d fallen asleep while on watch. Extremely dangerous. 

And Levi had caught her.

“Is she alright?” Hange asked as she dragged an unconscious Eren into the wagon.

“She fell asleep.” Levi said, not taking his displeased gaze off her. 

“Well she was sick this morning. Her body is probably just trying to regain its strength.” Hange said as she placed a blanket over Eren. 

“I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.” Lilly bowed her head and gave a quick salute before gathering her blades.

“It better not. This is a serious job you were assigned.” Levi said. 

How embarrassing.

Lilly hopped up on her horse and made her rounds around the darkened forest like she had the day before. They had decided to start the experiments later in the day this time to avoid having the steam be seen in the sky as easily. But now this made for a trickier job of spotting out a possible spy in the woods.

She rode for an hour, being thorough with her search. As thorough as she could be in the darkness anyways. 

She didn’t see anything but a mother raccoon and her babies scurrying through the bushes ahead of her, so she decided to cross back over to where the cabin was located.

Once her horse was tied up, she entered the cabin with everyone else. She sat on the couch just for a few minutes to give her feet a rest, but before she knew it, she had fallen asleep.

 

Again. 

 

 

*LEVI POV*

 

It was yet again, another failed attempt to get Eren to harden his titan form. If he wasn’t in a pissed off mood yesterday, he was for sure not taking anyone’s shit today.

All he could think about was closing that hole in the wall.

Taking steps forward and changing this shit-hole of a world that humanity got far too comfortable living in.

He didn’t really eat much of his dinner, and he really didn’t feel like talking. 

Not that he really ever did anyways.

It felt like every noise made his skin crawl.

He hated not having a solution for things right away, especially when it was only a matter of time before the military police did find them. 

But that was a separate matter that he was trying very hard not to dwell on. He looked over to the empty seat beside him as he sipped his tea.

Lilly had been ill that morning, and was exhausted from it all day. Now she was passed out on the couch in the living area while everyone went ahead and finished their food.

It didn’t help that one of his strongest soldiers was ill like this. But he supposed her sleeping it off was the best thing for her right now. 

He helped clean the kitchen before everyone went upstairs to bed. He blew out the lamps and candles before looking down at Lilly in the darkness of the room. 

Her ivory hair was flowing over the arm of the couch, with her hand nestled under her face, squishing her cheek up. Her pouty lips were parted slightly, and her eyelashes fanned out over her cheeks. His eyes trailed down lower to her body which was bent awkwardly as she slept. 

She was petite, and smaller than average for a woman. But she wasn’t weak by any means. 

His eyes were always drawn to her tiny waist whenever he had stood behind her. His eyes often traced over the silhouette of her curves when he was sure no one was watching, longing to reach out and sink his hands into them. 

He was almost fascinated with how much smaller she was than him. Though he’d never admit it, he’d always wished he had been taller. But being with Lilly almost made him forget his height at times. 

That was just one of the many things he enjoyed about her.

 

He thought back to the day prior in the stream like he had a few times that day, when his mind drifted away. He wished he could take her like that for every bad day he had. And in the Survey Corps, he had a lot of bad days. 

But it wasn’t just sex. 

Her presence eased him. Gave him hope. Gave him something more personal to fight for, not just a general cause. 

And she loved him. 

That was odd to think about. Someone loving him. Most people purposely avoided him. But she looked at him different. She always had. From the very first time they saw each other, he saw something in her eyes that he’d never seen in anyone else’s. 

He needed this woman. 

It was uncomfortable, the thought of losing her.

Losing what she made him feel. 

He closed his eyes and remembered the way she use to lead him out in the clearing at headquarters when they’d train everyday. She’d hold his hand and look back at him, her fair face beaming with joy when she set her sight on him. The way the sun lit up her abnormally light hair, like an luminescent halo. The way her pale blue eyes glistened with freedom and insouciance. The echo of her laughter as she ran through the field, fluffy dandelions floating up in the air around her. 

He’d be damned if he lost any of that. 

He’d lived a life of constant loss. 

That alone had eaten away at him.

And she was repairing what was ripped away.

 

He opened his eyes and looked down at his sleeping lover. He’d need need to take her upstairs so she wouldn’t hurt herself from sleeping at such an stupid angle. 

He carefully slid his arms under her and pulled her into him, cradling her close. For a moment, she stirred within his arms and gazed up at him with tired eyes. Her eyelashes fluttered and she gripped onto his shirt before nuzzling her face into his chest. 

How could she be this exhausted? 

He carried her upstairs and gently lowered her to her bedroll, being careful not to wake anyone else. He then slid into his own bedroll, knowing he wouldn’t be able to sleep until hours later.

 

That was, if he slept at all.

 

 

............

 

*LILLY POV*

 

The next morning, Lilly woke up before anyone else. She sat up in her bedroll and looked around. Everyone was still sleeping except for Levi who must have gone downstairs already. The sun hadn’t quite come up yet, and the sky was still a bit darkened with the remnants of night. 

Lilly pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. She looked around the room briefly at the sleeping faces while her hair was draped around her. 

She decided she’d just get up now and go see what Levi was up to downstairs. She could use a good cup of tea. She stood up and took a few steps towards the doorway and then felt like her stomach was churning. 

She closed her eyes and covered her mouth with her sleeve. 

She felt it start to come up.

She tried to make it to the bucket like she had the previous morning, but this time she did trip over Hange. 

And she completely missed the bucket. 

Hange was startled out of her sleep and immediately reached for her glasses and put them on, looking at Lilly with concern.

Lilly looked down at the mess she’d created on the floor with fear. 

This was not good.

Two mornings in a row?

Not now.

Hange stood up and put her hand on Lilly’s shoulder. Her brown eyes looked down into Lilly’s before taking a quiet sigh.

“Why don’t we go outside and get you some fresh air?” Hange asked. 

Lilly just nodded her head. 

Conny was up and staring at them with confusion, and the others were just starting to awaken.

“Conny, clean this up, will you?” Hange said as she helped Lilly to her feet.

“What? Why me?” Conny moaned. 

“Because you’re next to the mop.” Hange said as she took Lilly’s hand and started to lead her to the doorway. 

After going downstairs, they walked past Levi who was sitting at the table with his tea, looking over various maps of the districts of Rose. 

He looked up suspiciously, raised an eyebrow at them, and began to stand.

“Nope! Don’t do that. Sit down!” Hange chuckled nervously as she pushed Lilly out the doorway. “She just needs some fresh air!” Hange called out.

Hange led Lilly to the wagon with her test supplies piled up in it and had Lilly sit on the edge. 

They sat quietly for a few minutes, not looking at each other while Lilly recovered from her nausea. The sun was rising and the birds started to sing their sweet songs to fill the new day. 

Then Hange broke the silence.

“So..Lilly..you’ve been sick the past two mornings.” Hange said as she leaned against the wagon and put her hands in her pockets. 

“Yeah. I have.” Lilly covered her face.

She wasn’t an idiot. She knew what this could possibly mean. She just didn’t want to believe it were possible. Not at a time like this.

Not now. 

“You’ve also been noticeably quite exhausted.... You don’t appear to be feverish, so I’m afraid I must ask you this...” Hange started.

Lilly looked over to her with a tired expression, a frown tugging heavily on her lips. 

“When were you supposed to menstruate?” Hange asked as she rummaged through her bag. 

Lilly paused and thought. It had been over a month since she had last bleed. And she still hadn’t since. 

She was so busy with all the chaos, she’d forgotten to even pay attention to her body. 

“I-I think I should have at least a week and a half ago.” Lilly said, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“You’re aware of what that could possibly mean, correct?” Hange asked quietly. 

“I know exactly what I don’t want it to mean.” Lilly said, gripping onto the edge of the wagon tightly. 

Not now.

Hange lowered her head and closed her eyes. 

“I’m going to take a blood sample now.” Hange said before turning to retrieve her blood sample kit. “It’s going to be a slight pinch.” Hange said before poking into Lilly’s arm. 

Levi was watching from the doorway. His expression was blank.

Lilly returned her gaze to the green grass. She felt like her breath was caught in her throat. She lifted her hand to her chest, as if that could prevent her heart from beating out of her. 

Not now. 

“Go change into something clean and eat something. I should have your results in a bit. Don’t stress out yet, okay?” Hange said as she shifted through a box. 

Lilly nodded and slowly walked back to the cabin and avoided eye contact will Levi who followed her inside. Lilly kept walking up the stairs without speaking.

He stood over her as she pulled out a clean dress and then finally spoke.

“You look like shit. Are you sick still?” He asked. 

Lilly shook her head and then walked past him while cradling her fresh change of clothes against her as she continued on.

She couldn’t tell him right this moment when it was proven to be true. Just like he said, right? Why stress if this shit’s not set in stone? 

She knew why he’d been looking over maps of the districts. She knew it was because they needed to find another location to go to if this one failed. 

He was busy with that burden as it was.

“Hey!” He shouted and grabbed her by her shoulder, turning her to face him.

She looked into his eyes with little emotion, trying to hide the storm howling in her mind.

“Why did she take your blood just now?” He asked. 

Lilly looked away. 

“Lilly.” He said in a quieter voice before letting go of her. 

“Don’t worry about it. I don’t even know. But when I do, I’ll let you know. Okay?” Lilly said before entering the closet to change, shutting the door behind her. 

After she changed and ate what her stomach would allow, she quietly made her way back to Hange who was running her hands through her hair nervously.

“Oh, ah Lilly. I see you’re all changed now! That must feel better, right?!” Hange asked.

Lilly stared at Hange blankly. 

“Right! Get right to the point, shall we?!” Hange said.

“Hange. Just spit it out before my brain melts out my ears.” Lilly sighed. 

“Okay, I um- I have your results and uh- Well it seems you eh- well... you kinda have gotten”

Lilly closed her eyes and breathed out her nose.

“...pregnant.” Hange said, wincing at the word coming out of her mouth. 

Not now.

Lilly turned around and covered her eyes. Her whole body started to tremble and it made her feel sick all over again. 

How could this have happened? 

Wasn’t he careful? He’d always been careful. 

They are all in danger now. 

She couldn’t have a child now of all times. 

This couldn’t happen to her...

And what would Levi say? He couldn’t be a father right now. 

Not now. 

He was stressed and exhausted as it was. 

She couldn’t be a mother. 

Not now.

She could hardly take care of herself some days. 

Lilly finally broke out into sobs and Hange wrapped her arms around her.

“Hey it’s okay. We will figure something out.” Hange said. But unless you want him to find out right this second, I suggest you quiet down. He will come out here and demand answers if he sees you like this.” Hange said in a whisper.

“I can’t do this..” Lilly said, drying her tears.

“I suggest you talk to him when you’ve had some time to breathe. Then just calmly tell him. Just don’t wait too long. That will only cause problems. I’m sure you haven’t forgotten April’s situation....Let me know what you guys decide to do.” Hange said. 

“I don’t know if I can...” Lilly said. 

“Levi is no moron. He will pick up the symptoms quickly. That is if he doesn’t suspect already. He’s had to discharge quite a few woman who’d fallen pregnant during their service in the Survey Corps.” Hange said quietly, looking up at the doorway to check to see if Levi was there. 

“I think he thinks I’m just ill with a disease or something at this point...I’m afraid the truth will only burden him.” Lilly said.

Hange was silent as she continued to hold her.

“Just talk with him. We will find a solution. There are ways to make it as if it never happened.” Hange said softly.

Never happened...? 

Was she capable of going that route? 

Lilly pulled away and sighed. 

She wasn’t confident that she could do that. She didn’t want to have to. Not when she was carrying the child of someone she loved. 

“Okay.” Lilly said softly.

That was all she could say.

 

.........

 

That night had rolled around and Levi and Hange were up discussing the study notes from Eren’s hardening trials. 

Lilly, Historia and Sasha were cleaning the kitchen together while Eren, Mikasa, Jean and Conny were outside splitting wood for the wood stove that night. 

Lilly couldn’t believe any this. It didn’t feel real. This was something that could only happen to other people wasn’t it? Not her. Right? 

But what was done had been done. And while it was a very inconvenient time for it to have happened, she couldn’t help but wonder how things would turn out if she were to have the child. 

She loved Levi. So having a child with him eventually wouldn’t have been out of the question. In another world where titans didn’t terrorize humanity, she would have even wanted a child. After she got to see more of the world beyond the walls first, of course. That was one reason she’d joined the Survey Corps to begin with. 

But she was pregnant now. And not only did titans terrorize their world, but come to find out, the humans who ruled them were just as barbaric within. 

Lilly glanced down at her tightly toned abdomen and tried to picture what it would look like swollen up with a child. She’d always been a slender girl, so it was hard for her to imagine. For one monument she tried to see herself holding a tiny baby, and even wondered whether it’d turn out to be a girl or a boy. Would they look like her or would they have their father’s striking features. They were sure to have blue eyes, but would they be her light blue, or his steel grey? His raven black hair or her icy platinum? Would they have his personality or hers? 

This warmed her heart. 

And for a moment she caught herself smiling. 

That’s what scared her. A frown instantly took over her face. It would be selfish, wouldn’t it? What was right and what was wrong? Even if she wanted this child, that would just make everything harder for everyone right now. 

Now was not the time.

That’s what then hurt her heart.

Sasha splashed some water at Lilly and Historia. Lilly hardly reacted while Historia giggled. She didn’t mean not to react, but she was just so deep in her head. 

“Hey. Cut the shit with the water. You’re making a mess.” Levi snapped.

“Sorry Sir.” Sasha said quietly.

Historia and Sasha frowned at each other before returning their glances at Lilly. 

“Sorry if I upset you Lilly. I was just playing.” Sasha said as she hung up her rag. 

“What? No, I-I just have a lot on my mind.” Lilly said quietly.

Levi and Hange looked over to her.

Lilly quickly turned and finished drying the dishes before retiring upstairs early. She needed to think of a gentle way to tell him. 

A few minutes later after sliding into her bedroll, Levi came up the stairs with a candle. He placed it on the floor close to her and then sat at her feet and looked over at her. 

“You’re off. I wanted to see if you felt like talking about it.” Levi said in a low tone. “I could tell you were off when Sasha splashed the water at you, considering how getting people wet is just so fucking hilarious to you.” 

Something in his voice seemed like he wouldn’t take no for an answer anyways. 

Lilly’s heart started racing.

“Well?” He said. 

“I’m just very stressed out right now.” Lilly said, tucking her hair behind her ear.

His eyes watched her intently before returning to the wooden floorboards. 

“I understand. But I told you-” 

Lilly felt a cramp radiate in her lower abdomen. She placed her hand over it absentmindedly and winced. These we way more uncomfortable than the typical menstrual aches. Levi watched her hand and his eyes shot up at her. 

Lilly froze.

Did he put it together? 

“I see. Women shit right?” He asked as he reached over and rubbed her back. 

Nope.

“This is supposed to help? Right?” He asked awkwardly as he rubbed her lower back, obviously unsure of what to do.

Lilly’s heart felt like it was going to come up out of her throat. She needed to come clean to him. Bite the bullet and get it over with.

She began to sit up and take his hand.

“Levi, I-“

“Men with torches! Headed this way!” Conny shouted frantically. 

Levi looked at her immediately with alert eyes.

“God dammit! Everyone, get out!” Hange yelled from downstairs.

Levi quickly grabbed Lilly’s arm and ran downstairs with her. They ran so fast, she was sure she’d fall. They darted outside and into the darkness of the woods. It was pitch black out and she could hardly see. Tree branches whipped her in the face as she stumbled over her skirt. She could hear the shouts of the men behind them. Levi was right behind her and kept looking back at the growing number of glowing torches in the distance. 

Once at the top of the hill, Lilly stood beside Levi as they looked down on the cabin being burned down by at least twenty men. What would have happened if they’d caught them? She rested her forehead on the back of his shoulder while she caught her breath.

They were nearly caught. 

And she hadn’t gotten the chance to tell Levi. 

 

.......

 

That night they escaped to Trost and were able to find a place to stay in hiding. It wasn’t far from where April and Ben lived, but as tempted as Lilly was to go running to April for a much needed vent session, it wasn’t safe to go alone. Especially now. 

Levi and Hange were up late devising a plan to lure the men who were responsible for attacking them and finding out what exactly they wanted with Eren and Historia. Every so often, she would look over at Levi who’s dark eye circles were extremely prominent now. She tried to imagine his face and what it’d look like after he found out she was pregnant, if she thought he looked drained now. 

Lilly had sat with the rest of the squad and listened to Jean and Eren bicker back and forth for almost twenty minutes about petty things and she couldn’t take it anymore. It was far too late at night for this. Especially after being raided. Everyone was on edge. It seemed like every small noise outside would quiet the entire room.

She got up without a word and went to sit outside on the stairs in the darkness. She didn’t feel like anything felt real. She was tired. She was stressed. She was scared. 

Her heart hurt.

She had hardly eaten because they had to leave most of their supplies behind. And her body was demanding nutrition. 

She needed to tell him. 

He just seemed so busy and on edge himself from leading them all to safety.

Leading rebels.

Just like the woman in Stohess had predicted. 

But why couldn’t she have warned her about this unplanned pregnancy that was only going to cause more problems and complicate things? 

Hange could end this. 

This could be solved. 

Like it never happened....

Lilly instantly felt guilty for even considering it. That was something she never would have considered before but the situation was pressing. 

Why now?

Why did this have to happen now? 

She needed to tell him. She needed his input and support. And she couldn’t wait any longer. She was sick of going back and forth in her mind over what she should do. 

Her personal morals, or the easy way out. 

She slowly rose from her feet and went inside quietly. She watched as Levi and Hange spoke quietly under the dim ceiling lamp over the table covered in papers and crossed out doodles. 

She mustered up as much courage as she could and slowly crept behind Levi. She finally stood behind him and put her hand on his sturdy shoulder. He turned around and looked at her with a tired expression. His eyes were heavy and strained. He looked like he was about to snap.

“I have to talk to you.” Lilly said in a low tone. 

“Can it wait? I’m not finished here.” Levi said in an irritated tone.

“No, it cannot.” Lilly answered firmly. 

Hange nodded at Lilly and Levi raised his brow. He glanced down at his paperwork and he let out an small irritated sound. 

“Tch. Make it quick.” He said firmly as he rose from his seat. 

Lilly nodded. They both walked into the storage closet and shut the door behind him. Only a mop and a broom with one small crate of food accompanied them in the dim lighting of the closet. 

“What is it?” He asked, his eyes studying her expression. 

The way he stood told her that he didn’t plan to stay there very long. He stood with his arms crossed, and his brows furrowed. 

Lilly fiddled with her hair, trying to choose her words wisely.

“.....Well it’s really ...um-“

“Make it quick alright? I’ve got to get back to planning this shit out with Hange.” He said peevishly. 

“I know, I understand that. I just am trying to word everything right.” Lilly paused and saw he was looking at her sternly. 

Lilly looked down and swallowed. His icy scowl was impossible to keep eye contact with in this moment. 

“Hey! Didn’t I just say to make it quick?!” He snapped in a raised voice. 

She flinched. She could tell he was losing his patience, and she was only about to make it worse.

“I’m sorry! Just wait.” Lilly breathed unevenly and her eyes were stinging.

He stood there staring at her with a pissed off expression, his hand on the doorknob.

“Well I’ve been ill, so Hange took some blood tests like you saw. Just to narrow down what was wrong... and well it.....” Lilly tried to catch her breath but the way Levi was staring at her was making her uncomfortable. 

“Do you need to go to a medical ward?” He asked. 

Why couldn’t she just spit it out? 

“No...Levi I-I was supposed to bleed over a week ago.” She said finally. 

Levi’s body stiffened.

He looked past her with wide eyes, his mouth opened in sudden realization. He furrowed his eyebrows in a confused expression and returned his gaze to her.

“What?” He asked, the pronunciation on the ‘t’ being heavy. 

It almost made her flinch again.

Her breathing was quick and shallow now, and she couldn’t bear to look at him.

“A-are you trying to tell me that you’re... pregnant?” He asked with his eyes digging into her. 

His cheeks were turning pink.

Lilly’s lip started quivering. 

“Yes.” She said as she held her arm.

Levi looked down and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was still and silent, like a statue.

“I’m sorry...” She said in whisper as a single tear fell from her eye.

He was running his hand through his hair and then started pacing back and forth. The muscles in his neck were even tense and she could see them tightening under his flushed skin. She heard him breathe out his nose in a dragged out sigh. 

“I thought I had been careful. It always worked before.... I think....” He trailed off as he turned away.

Lilly covered her face and tried to hold back the mixed emotion swelling up within her.

He just looked at her with his typical unreadable expression. 

He wasn’t speaking. She’d have to. And she’d have to put aside what her heart wanted, and speak up for the option that would solve the issue. Even if it pained her.

“Things are too dangerous as they are to bring a child into the world.” Lilly said quietly.

Levi continued to watch her in silence. He appeared to be thinking hard while he looked at her. 

He watched as another hot tear fell from her eye, landing on her cheek and beside her lip.

Her frowned more deeply.

He reached out to her and pulled her in, resting his face in her hair. His fingers were clenched onto the fabric of her shirt and his breath felt uneven. 

Everything about him felt so unsure.

“I have nowhere to go. I have nowhere to stay. They’re looking for every single one of us in ties to Eren and Historia, and more than likely for treason against charter six.” She said. 

Levi looked away for a minute and sucked in a sharp breath. 

“We will just act as we go along.” He said.

She remembered him saying that before when they were stranded in the rain on that tree in titan territory. It was reassuring then.

But not so much now.

“Levi, this isn’t a titan mission. I’m carrying a child. This isn’t just you and me, and I don’t know if I can follow through with this during this time.” Lilly said, her voice saturated with pain.

“Are you saying you just want to kill it? Just like that?” He asked bluntly.

He never failed to be straight forward when she couldn’t. 

“I-I just don’t see this working out. You promised me yourself that this was something you couldn’t give me. And you’re right. You can’t.” Lilly said as she wiped her eyes dry.

How was it possible? That her own words could sting so badly? 

Levi frowned at her and looked away again. 

“I don’t know if I could...” He said in a low tone. 

Fear took over, despite her true feelings.

“Wouldn’t this be much more kind in the long run? Ending it now....before someone else does it later...” Lilly said quietly.

Levi just stared at her and she could tell he was torn.

Even if it felt wrong to say it. Even if it was excruciating. But how painful would it be to witness her own child get murdered because of their choices?

She felt Levi press his hand over lower abdomen and pull her back into him once more.

“You say that like you know you will die.” He said, looking into her eyes. “But you don’t. You don’t know that. You don’t know shit.” He said sternly, holding her tightly against him. 

Lilly was silent and just looked away and sniffled. 

“This situation is not favorable. It’s complete shit. I know that. But please just hang in there.” He said as he looked into her eyes once more. 

“Y-You want me to have it?” Lilly asked.

She stared at him blankly as she watched his eyes gaze at where his hand was over her lower abdomen.

“Yes. I do.” He said quietly, closing his eyes and tilting his head down. 

Lilly froze and placed her hand over his. 

She wanted this child. She just couldn’t help but feel afraid of their circumstances and the danger it could potentially bring. 

“I’m worried...” She said. 

“I understand.” He said. “But I will find a way to work this out. Somehow. Trust me.” He said. 

She stared at him with tired eyes.

“Okay...” She said in almost a whisper.

Levi kissed her forehead and pulled away slowly. He stared at her for a few minutes, lost in his own thoughts before he spoke again.

“I have to go back.” He said as he looked her up and down. “Get your rest. You need it..” He said before turning away. 

He reached for the doorknob and opened the door. The silence of the other room poured into the closet.

She followed him out into the other room. Everyone was staring at them quietly from the couches. 

“What are you nosy brats staring at? Get to bed. Now!” Levi barked. 

“Sir!” Everyone scrambled to their bedrolls obediently.

Lilly slowly made her way over to hers and slid in quietly. She wasn’t expecting him to react the way he did. 

It eased her a little. 

“Lilly, why don’t you take the couch tonight.” Hange said. 

“It’s okay, I’m fine here.” Lilly replied. 

“No, we are telling you to take the couch.” Levi said from his chair. 

Lilly obediently climbed up onto the couch which was significantly more comfortable than the hard and cold floor. 

Jean was staring at her through the darkness of the room but Lilly turned to face the back of the couch. She closed her eyes as she listened to the hushed conversation between Levi and Hange. 

They spoke mostly of the confirmed plan for the next day, but after everyone was asleep, Hange finally asked Levi about the news. 

“So I’m assuming she told you.” Hange said to Levi. 

“Yeah.” He said in a low tone. 

“If you decide to terminate the pregnancy, I can-“ 

“No. We aren’t going to do that.” Levi said in a tired tone. 

Lilly could tell that Hange bringing it up had irritated him. 

“Levi, you’re a smart guy. But I just want to make sure you’ve thought this through. We are in a serious situation. You know that even the Commander is in danger. There’s no telling how long this could last.” Hange said. 

“I’m fully aware of that. But that is something I cannot and will not do.” Levi said in a stern tone. “It’s not right. I could tell that wasn’t what she wanted either. She’s afraid, but that’s not what she wants.” He said. 

So he had read her well.

Getting rid of it would have brought her much guilt. But now she carried a different kind of guilt. What kind of world would this child be born into? 

That was left up to her to decide.

And that burden weighed heavy.

Hange was quiet for a few minutes before she spoke again. 

“If they catch her, they’ll kill her. With or without child.” She said. 

“I know.” Levi said quietly. 

Lilly closed her eyes tightly and took in a deep breath. 

“Are you going to tell the others? They should probably know.” Hange said. 

“I don’t see how its any of their business.” Levi said. 

“They would probably be of assistance in the matter. It doesn’t hurt to have extra eyes watching Lilly’s back when she’s carrying your child.” Hange said as she pushed in her chair lightly. 

Levi didn’t answer. He just pushed in his chair. They shut off the light over the table and walked through the darkness to climb into their bedrolls, Levi’s being located on the floor right beside where Lilly lay on the couch. 

 

She knew he wouldn’t be sleeping tonight. 

 

She reached down over the side of the couch, and felt that the freshly shaven nape of his neck was under her fingertips. She slowly rubbed her thumb across the fine stubble. She felt him take her hand and press the back of it against his lips. 

 

She needed to trust him through this.


	40. Reeves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Counter-Strike Trost Operation
> 
> Reeves

The next day was when the operation commenced. They had Armin disguised as Historia, and Jean as Eren once again. Eren and Historia were hiding out in a new location now. Levi was having them switch buildings to keep from being caught. 

Lilly walked closely behind Levi as they passed through the streets of Trost. They wore long hooded coats and carried backpacks on them with gear inside of it, just incase.

“Lilly?” A familiar voice came from a produce market place stall. 

Lilly turned around and saw April standing with a basket of fruits and vegetables hooked on her arm. Lilly’s face lit up immediately when she laid eyes on her best friend.

Levi turned and looked at Lilly. The look on his face was telling her to make it quick. She nodded her head in silent acknowledgment before she quietly made her way over to April who wrapped her arms around her. Her belly had gotten bigger, and Lilly could feel it against her body. 

April looked like she was glowing. 

“What are you doing here?” April asked. 

“There’s a lot to explain. But I’m no longer staying at headquarters.” Lilly looked around and leaned in. “Something fishy is going on with the Military Police.” Lilly whispered.

“Yeah, Ben told me that you disappeared with Levi and a few others and said there may be something odd going on. But he didn’t mention any details.” April said. 

“We hardly know any details ourselves. But we are protecting Eren and Historia.” Lilly whispered. 

“So you’re not likely going to attend my wedding in two days...” April frowned. “It’s okay. I understand.” April said.

Lilly could hear the disappointment in her voice, but she knew April meant it when she said she understood.

“I’m sorry. But I have other news...” Lilly said. 

“Like what?” April asked.

Lilly took a deep breath and leaned in.

“I’m pregnant.” Lilly whispered.

April’s face dropped and then a smile crept up on her face.

“Shut up. No way!” April exclaimed.

“Shh!” Lilly hushed and looked around. “Yes. Yes way.” Lilly said.

“He knows? Are you happy? Wait...oh shit, Lilly...what about this whole thing going on?” April asked with concern.

“He knows. But we have a lot of work to do before this world is safe enough for this child. It’s dangerous and risky, but we are going to work this out together.” Lilly said, looking back at Levi who was looking around under the darkness of his hood.

“So we will have our children together then...wow.” April said as she looked past Lilly and smiled thoughtfully. 

“I didn’t think of that...I guess maybe it wasn’t entirely the worst time.” Lilly said as she looked down at her feet. “I have to go now, but I’ll try and get in touch as much as I’m able to.” Lilly hugged April.

“Good luck, and stay safe Lilly.” April whispered. 

Lilly nodded her head and touched her friend’s cheek. She then turned around and made her back to Levi through the crowd in the market place. 

He put his hand on her lower back to move her pace quicker as they proceeded on to meet with the others. 

“How is she?” He asked her, eyes still forward.

“She seemed well enough. Disappointed that we can’t make her wedding though.” Lilly said as they wondered through the crowd. 

“And what did she say about the other thing?” Levi asked, pushing past a taller man in the crowd, tugging Lilly’s hand to pull her through his path. 

“What thing?” Lilly asked.

Levi just gave her a half lidded glance before she got the clue.

“Oh. She was shocked. Definitely worried. But happy.” Lilly said. 

“Sounds about right.” He said as he caught vision of the others. 

The rest of the squad was standing by a stand that was selling trinkets and small knives. They were drawing a lot of attention to themselves.

A lot of people were staring, as the people of Trost normally did. Finally, they reached the others and began traveling down the shopping area together.

Waiting.

That’s all they’d have to do now.

Any second. 

Lilly listened to the chatter of the people in the streets. She could hear a baby wailing from one of the windows above them. She looked upwards to see doves flying through the clotheslines above their heads. Clatter of hooves hit the stone streets, and she could hear the laughter of a woman from one of the stalls. When Lilly’s eyes returned to Levi’s back, she noticed a few men were staring in their direction.

“Hey aren’t you Levi?” A man asked. 

Levi turned to look at him.

“It is! I’ve seen him before too!” Another man said. 

“That’s Levi, humanity’s strongest soldier!” A bald man exclaimed. 

Soon they were being surrounded and stared at as people gathered to see them.

“Hey, he’s small!”

“Hah! I’ve only ever seen him on a horse.” 

Levi wore an annoyed expression. Lilly placed her hand in his as the men were staring at her and getting too close for comfort.

“You’re in the way...” Levi said to the people gathering in front of him.

“Come on Captain. Hear us out! We humble folk just want a word with you.” One man said. 

“We lost out on a lot of work because of that evacuation plan that all you soldiers made a big fuss about.” One man said.

“It’s not just us. People don’t come to towns like this anymore that are by the wall because of all the uncertainty.” Another said.

“Our incomes gone and we can’t eat.” A voice from the back said.

“The garrison soldiers ran off somewhere and thieves moved in to take their place. But taxes are as high as ever. What are we supposed to do?” The man asked with a tired expression.

“Why do things keep turning out like this? Why do titans keep attacking? I think I know why.” He continued.

Lilly moved closer to Levi so that she was practically against his back. One man was eyeing her relentlessly. She felt him squeezing her hand to comfort her.

“It’s because you in the Survey Corps aren’t working hard enough.” The man finally snapped.

The man was getting in Levi’s face now. But Levi remained calm. He was listening to the voices of these people. That was not unlike him. He genuinely cared for people who struggled. Lilly didn’t know many of the deep details of Levi’s past, but she knew he came from poverty. 

She knew he cared about people who suffered the way he had. 

He had a good heart. She saw that in him, even if others looked past that. Even if his exterior was rough. 

“I always blamed myself if I don’t make money in my business. I work and get nothing in return all the time. But it’s not like that for you people is it?” The man asked. 

One man leaned in over Mikasa and taunted. She hardly reacted.

“Whatcha doing strolling through a town like this? Going shopping?” A man spoke into Sasha’s ear.

Sasha whimpered as she moved closer against Conny. 

One man leaned in and spoke into Lilly’s ear. 

“Beautiful women in tow. All high and mighty, aren’t you Captain?” 

Levi turned to look at Lilly with a tranquil expression, as to tell her it remain calm herself. 

But she was having a hard time doing just that. Everything inside her was telling her to prepare for a fight. One hand reached up under her cloak and rested on the handle of her knife. 

She closed her eyes and breathed as she heard the people complain about their situation. She felt sorry for them. In fact, her mind wondered to April who lived in this town, who’d she’d just seen. The only reason April was able to stay here was because Ben’s wages were a income source outside of Trost. 

The government paid him. 

“If you’ve got any shame at all, just leave some money and go away. Start repaying us for all the food that the Survey Corps didn’t earn!” 

Lilly looked up and saw a woman carrying a baby. The woman was frail and thin, and her baby looked underfed as well. Lilly saw Levi was watching this woman as well. He wore a sullen expression. 

Then Lilly started to feel ill. 

She tried to cover her mouth, but there was no stoping what was coming up. 

God damnit. 

“I’m going to be sick.” Lilly said to Levi as she frantically tugged on his sleeve.

Levi quickly grabbed her and moved her in front of him as she became sick all over the man that had become aggressive. 

“What the?!” The man backed off in disgust, trying to wipe off the vomit with a rag he grabbed off a cart. 

“Go!” Levi shouted as he grabbed Lilly and hurried her forward through the crowd. 

The others followed close behind until they reached another quieter street. They all stopped to catch their breath. Lilly was still feeling ill. 

“Lilly you’ve been throwing up every morning.” Conny said. 

“Yeah if I did know better, I’d say-“ 

“She’s fucking pregnant alright?” Levi snapped and interrupted Jean who had started to speak.

Everyone stared with their mouths hung open. 

Jean in particular looked pale. Great. What would they all think of her now?

“Lilly.... is that true?” Jean asked.

She was quiet for a few seconds before letting out a sigh.

“Yes. It’s true.” She said.  
Jean closed his eyes for a few seconds and huffed out his nose before shooting his glare over to Levi.

“Then what is she doing out here? She shouldn’t even be here.” Jean said.

“There isn’t much of a choice, Kirstein. She’s safer under our collective watch than anywhere else right now.” Levi snapped.

“This shouldn’t have happened.” Jean said. 

“No one asked for your shit opinion. Keep your mouth shut or I’ll shut it for you.” Levi said in a low tone. 

Lilly quickly ran into an alleyway to finish being sick. 

The morning sickness was terrible for her. She didn’t even eat that much this morning and it had all come right back up. Levi watched from the entrance of the alleyway and suddenly turned his head away. 

Lilly could see two men creeping up on Levi from behind. One of the men from earlier.

“Watch out!” Levi shouted.

One of the men grabbed Levi’s shirt and tried to lift him off the ground.

“What’s that, humanity’s strongest soldier?!” The man growled at Levi.

“There’s a carriage coming!” Levi shouted as he kicked the other man in the chest to propel himself backwards. 

Lilly stood up and saw the carriage pass by quickly with the fake Eren and Historia inside.

Jean and Armin.

The plan had worked so far. 

Thankfully Lilly was sick in the alleyway because she wasn’t expecting a carriage to rampage through the streets when they kidnapped Jean and Armin. They were fortunate to have not been plowed down. 

Lilly pulled out a canteen and took a sip of water. She watched as Levi gave orders to follow the wagon to it’s location before he ran into the alleyway to check on Lilly. 

“You okay?” He asked. 

“It’s just the morning sickness. I’ll live.” She smiled weakly as she adjusted her cloak. 

He nodded and looked back behind him.

“Let’s go.”

......

 

Lilly, Levi and Mikasa stood on top of the roof where Jean and Armin had been taken to. They could see through the glass that poor Armin was being felt up by one of the men, who obviously bought in that he was really Historia. It was really quite uncomfortable to watch. Lilly turned her head away at one point because it only reminded her of Otto. Which directly turned into anger and fierceness that lit the fire in her belly. She was ready to get in there already. 

This was going to be one hell of a fight. 

“Go Mikasa.” Levi ordered as he was crouched over, knee bent under his chin. 

Mikasa nodded and bashed through the glass of the warehouse. Lilly could hear men shouting and things being thrown as well as gunshots. Mikasa was a good fighter, and Lilly respected her for that. She could handle herself well in most situations, as long as she didn’t get too emotional. Eren seemed to bring that out in her. 

Levi jumped down after her. Lilly stood at the ledge and looked down as he handled himself well inside. No one in that building could match up to him. At one point, the men just started running from him. 

By the looks of it, these guys were just weak grunts. 

So Lilly jumped down last and landed on a stack of boxes. A man shot his gun at her but she swiftly jumped out of the way before planting her heel into another man’s face. One man grabbed her wrist, but she pulled out a knife quickly from her belt and sliced through his outer arm. He let out a scream and immediately let go. Lilly held two blades in her hands and fought off the last few men while the rest of the squad entered the building and tied everyone up. 

She took down the last grunt before putting away her blades inside her belt. She felt Levi’s hand touch her shoulder blade briefly as he passed by.

“Take it easy.” He said to her before approaching the man who appeared to be the leader.

Lilly wiped the sweat off her forehead and looked down at the grunt who laid at her boots before returning her attention back to Levi and the suspected leader,

“Are you the boss of this company?” Levi asked as he stood before the fat bald man. 

“No, you’ve got it wrong. I’m just someone they use to transport cargo. I’m nothing but an old man. So please sir, be gentle with me. I don’t know anything.” The man replied.

Mikasa walked closer to the man and glared down at him. 

“That day, this man was blocking the gate in Trost. His men were calling him boss.” Mikasa said from beside Levi.

“Hear that, boss? Being in your nest makes me feel antsy. Let’s go get some air.” Levi said.

“Fine.” The boss replied.

.....

Lilly and the rest of the squad stood behind Levi and the boss man who’s name turned out to be Dimo Reeves. Levi was sitting on the edge of the wall with him as he smoked a cigarette. 

Lilly knew the cigarette smoke was probably making Levi’s skin crawl. He had mentioned before how “dirty” he thought the habit was. He must have been pretty invested in this man to sit right beside him as the smoke blew in his face. 

“Why did you take me all the way out here?” Reeves asked.

“Do you know where this is, Boss?” Levi asked. 

“This is my town. Trost’s outer gate- Er former outer gate. Humanity’s southern front....border between worlds. A frightening place, but lucrative.... it was a good town.” Reeves spoke.

“I’ll tell you what we call it. The place where humanity first defeated the titans. And the place that proves humanity’s powerlessness.” Levi spoke. 

Dimo continued to puff on his cigarette quietly as he looked down in Trost, occasionally flicking the ashes into the wind. 

“We used the strength of a titan to close a hole made by a titan. We tried a lot of things, but in the end, humans just couldn’t match up. Of course, it’s not as if a titan’s strength alone closed it. Many gave their lives too. It took all that plus a chain of countless miracles to keep your town barely standing here.” Levi looked over to Reeves. 

“And the source of those miracles is Eren. The one you tried to snatch from us.” Levi said. 

“So you took me here to lecture me? Please soldier, give me a break. Being up here isn’t easy on my old body.” Reeves smirked as he took a drag of his cigarette.

“You’re right, never mind. I hate having to see a old man get chewed out. Tell me, what was the point of the deal that you made with the interior MPs?” Levi asked. 

“Deal? There was never any deal. We followed the orders we were given. The point of those orders were so that we didn’t lose everything.” Reeves said. 

Levi looked at him with a dark expression. 

“But the night raid failed on your little cabin, and so did the kidnapping. Everything the Reeves company has is going to be seized by the royal government on whatever charges they come up with. My employees and their families are going to be thrown into the streets. On top of that, a few of my subordinates and I will probably be killed in some sort of accident to keep our mouths shut. But I do have some good news for you soldier. Those guys in the interior are idiots.” Reeves smirked. 

Levi looked down over the wall, the wind blowing his hair back off his face. 

“You people go out and fight and kill titans. How are a handful of cheap thugs like us supposed to take care of you? What a bunch of morons. What do you say soldier? That fair haired girl over there took out most of my men armed with guns, with only knives in her hands! That’s just ridiculous! Good tip, right?” Reeves said.

Levi gazed back at Lilly, a glimmer of pride in his eyes. 

“Yeah. We’re apparently up against fools. I understand that much. But why are you letting these fools kill you off, Boss?” Levi asked. 

“Huh? They’re dumb, but they’re the rulers of our world. The fools that kill and eat you people don’t even wear clothes right?” Reeves asked as he flicked his cigarette.

“I see. That’s true. But we can kill titans too, its the same thing. If you’re going to die anyway, you might as well try.” Levi said.

“No.” Reeves said.

“Why not?” Levi asked.

“If I fail, that means more of my men will die.” Reeves said.

“Don’t worry, that will happen either way.” Levi said as he continued to gaze over Trost.

“What was that?” Reeves asked.

“Trost District, your town, is on the verge of failure. It was once occupied by titans and is half annihilated. But there are still people here. That’s because there are engineers here who fill and fortify the gate, and soldiers ready for a titan attack. But the Reeves company plays a major role too, by bringing people work. At this point though, the Reeves company will disappear. That will be the final blow to this town. It’ll stop functioning entirely. If that happens, everyone will be on the streets, except the soldiers. How many will make it through the winter? It’s getting cold. Maybe you’re right. Getting killed by the interior MPs would still be a more merciful way to go.” Levi said. 

Lilly was amazed at the way Levi was handling this situation. She was surprised that Levi wasn’t just choking this guy out to get information or to prove his point. Not that she was completely supportive of his tactics, but that’s usually the way he was. 

“Well it’s inevitable now. Because you won’t give us Eren and Historia. Countless people will die.” Reeves said. 

Levi looked back at them once more. 

“So to keep the people here from dying, will you hand them over?” Reeves asked.

“That’s exactly right. I’ll give you Eren and Historia.” Levi said.

“What?” Reeves asked.

Lilly and the squad looked at each other in disbelief.

“Levi-“ Lilly began.

“Captain Levi?!” Mikasa shouted as she stepped forward with clenched fists. 

Lilly stepped behind a Mikasa and put her hand on her shoulder to get her to wait another moment. 

“But you’ll have to accept three conditions.” Levi said. 

“One. From now on, the Reeves company will join the Survey Corps in opposing the interior Military Police Brigade, as well as the royal government and its decrees.” Levi spoke calmly.

“What?! You’re telling me to start a war?!” Reeves exclaimed. 

“Two. The Reeves company will trust the Survey Corps whole heartedly.” Levi said.

“Trust you? We merchants only use that word as a joke you know.” Reeves said.

“Merchant? I’m not speaking to you as a merchant. I’m speaking to you. Dimo Reeves. I’m asking you about how you live your life. What kind of man are you? Will you let your men and the people of this town die and accept defeat? Or will you face the rulers of our world and fight?” Levi asked with his typical stoic expression.

“Amateur. What kind of idiot accepts a contract without hearing all of the conditions?” Reeves asked.

“Oops. My apologies. Three. From now on, the Survey Corps will receive priority access to any rare or luxury food, drink, or product that the Reeves company obtains. Tea, for example.” Levi said. 

Lilly pinched the bridge of her nose.

“FANTASTIC. THATS A FANTASTIC CONDITION, CAPTAIN!” Sasha exclaimed. 

“Seems you’re even greedier than a merchant. I like that.” Reeves put out his hand.

“You’re a smart man.” Levi said as he shook Reeves’ hand.

“We have a deal.” Reeves said.


	41. Understand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Levi Squad has once again switched rendezvous in order to protect themselves. The pressure builds high as Levi carries the burdens and responsibilities of the groups current situation, never mind Lilly’s pregnancy. Lilly is noticing Levi’s unusual distance from her the past week and it naturally effects their relationship. They ?discuss? the matter. The rest of the squad is feeling the shock as they realize what they must do for the good of humanity. 
> 
> Are they good people anymore?

A few nights later, they had once again switched their rendezvous to a new location. It was out in a remote area within Rose, up by Nedlay District. There were some scattered trees around, but mostly fields. The building was definitely old. It was made of big blocky stones and even had cell chambers in the basement. Perhaps the building was used for holding criminals that were being transported to Mitras in the past. 

One thing that was a plus, was that this building had three levels. The basement, the ground level, and an upstairs level that held multiple rooms. It was nice not having to sleep so close together with the entire squad in one room, and allowed them to spread out. 

But even better, they were able to have beds transported and built this time around. Good beds too thanks to the Reeves Company.

Eren, Mikasa and Hange took one room. Hange was very adamant about observing Eren sleep, despite his attempts to persuade her out of it. Conny, Sasha, Historia and Jean took the largest room. And the last room in the corner, which wasn’t very large, but big enough for one small bed, was the room Levi and Lilly took. 

She was grateful for the opportunity to share a room with him in private. They had much to discuss after all.

Just not enough time to actually discuss.

But one thing was odd lately that bothered Lilly. It seemed that when they did have time to speak, he just didn’t really say much to her. He hardly even had touched her.

This made her feel a bit uneasy and nervous.

Perhaps this was really hitting him now. Perhaps this was becoming real. Maybe he was afraid. 

Maybe he regretted.

What if he was going to back out? 

After they all finished cleaning the place up, they were able to finally retire to their rooms for the night. Lilly went upstairs alone. She had seen Levi and Hange speaking quietly after he they came up from the basement, and it seemed like whatever they were talking about was important. 

So she let them speak in peace.

She changed into one of Levi’s shirts as his scent was comforting to her. She knew it was a possibility that he may not come to bed that night if he ended up being busy again. 

She sat on the bed with her bare legs crossed and flipped through a small leather notebook she had found in the street of the Trost market place a few days prior.

Cheese

Apples

Three large carrots

Cabbage

Bread

It had been a grocery list that was written on the first page. Other than that, it wasn’t used. So Lilly kept it in her pocket and started using it to press small flowers that she found while traveling between districts. She started labeling where she found them, along with the date. She hoped one day she could take this notebook beyond the walls, and pick the various flowers that grew out there.

Maybe the child she carried would accompany her. She smiled as she tried to picture a little raven haired girl holding her hand, picking flowers with her. If she had a daughter, she hoped she could give her the same kind of relationship she had with her own mother.

Lilly traced her finger over a small violet that was flattening nicely. Sometimes when she pressed flowers, they didn’t always turn out the way she wanted them to. 

But beauty was easy to find despite this. 

Just then she heard footsteps outside the door. She froze, hoping desperately that it was Levi. She heard the doorknob turn and then the door opened. Levi entered the room and shut the door behind him. He glanced over to her briefly before starting to pull his shirt over his head. 

The sun had just set and now the glow of the candle next to the bed lit the room. This building had an old scent embedded in the stone walls. 

It felt eerie.

Really the whole building did in general. She couldn’t help but wonder what kind of people had slept in this room prior to her. 

Lilly’s attention returned to Levi as he rolled the tense muscles in his neck and shoulders. He lifted his hand to rub the soreness he must have felt.

“Does it hurt?” She asked suddenly. 

It almost felt strange asking him a question since the past almost week had been so silent between them.

He paused and turned his face to look at her. 

“I’ll be fine.” He said. 

She was quiet as they exchanged stares. 

He was exhausted.

He was staying up late going over notes and planning. His sleep was garbage. It always was, but more so now. Lilly would sometimes get up in the night to relieve herself, and she’d find him awake. Either just sitting up in bed, or missing from beside her completely. 

She hadn’t been able to make another tincture, and at this point, she wasn’t sure if he’d take it anyways.

She just didn’t understand why he had asked her to continue the pregnancy and then become quiet around her since. It didn’t make sense. She wanted to ask him about it, but that was the thing about Levi Ackerman. Most would say his demeanor was cold, expressionless, harsh. That he appeared to not care about anything, and to be bored with everything. 

But Lilly knew better than that.

It was his eyes that said otherwise.

It was always his eyes.

Sometimes she could see the fear in them. The pain. The anger. The regret. Sure he’d mastered hiding it well. There were indeed times he was impossible to read. But he’d slip up every so often. She remembered how he’d slipped up when he first saw her. It was softness that leaked through. A tenderness that appeared foreign on his typically stoic face. And when he saw she had survived on 57th scouting expedition, relief, anguish, and love had oozed its way through. But terrible things had happened since then. And along with those things came heavy burdens, stress, pressure, and lack of sleep. Now his steely eyes looked like they’d break at any given moment, and she was afraid of what would spill out.

She was afraid of what he’d say. 

Afraid that his feelings had now changed after thinking some more, late in his sleepless nights. 

Raw thoughts always came out to play late at night.

She watched him with her mouth slightly parted as he stood with his back facing her. He was looking for a new shirt in a small leather bag that he’d taken with him during their travels. She reached up and touched her lips as she watched the muscles under his skin move in his back.

She wanted to reach out and touch him. Feel his warm skin under her fingertips. Drink up his burden and carry it with him. He was standing right in front of her but he still felt so far. 

He paused and looked back at her, a slight frown tugging on his lips. 

“I will be helping Hange with some business tomorrow. Probably starting in the afternoon. So I won’t be around much.” Levi said quietly as he turned to face her with his fresh shirt in hand. 

“Busy with what?” Lilly asked as she closed the notebook and placed it beside her.

“We need to get some answers out of a specific MP, who we have yet to detain.” Levi said, not giving her any more details.

“And what will the rest of us being doing?” Lilly asked.

He ran his fingers through his hair slowly.

“Just waiting.” He said. 

“Waiting? I don’t like waiting.” Lilly said. 

“No?” Levi asked as he started to climb up onto the bed.

“No.” Lilly said as he leaned his face into her neck, kissing the side of her throat. “You know that.” She said, trying to ignore his warm breath hitting her skin. Trying to ignore the instant flame that it lit in her belly.

It’d been days, maybe almost a week since he’d kissed her like that. 

“Hm. Just thought you would have been used to it by now.” Levi said as he pulled away. 

He started to put his shirt on, but without thinking Lilly reached out and stopped his hands. 

His eyes darted up to hers and he paused. Lilly swallowed and brushed her tongue over her bottom lip. 

“Stay like this.” She said.

Levi’s eyes flickered with curiosity.

“It’s a bit drafty in this fucking building you know.” Levi said as he leaned back onto the bed.

Lilly was silent as she gazed down at his bare chest. She could smell the scent of soap coming off his skin, lingering pine coming off his hair. She reached up and touched where his lips had just been pressed against on her neck, trying to keep the warmth from disappearing there. 

His steely eyes watched her fingers, and for a second she saw them switch over to her own. 

Lilly leaned on one arm, while she started to undo her braid so that her hair fell loosely around her shoulders and down past her chest. She started to unbutton the shirt she was wearing but stopped right in the middle of it. 

Levi’s eyes darkened when she stopped unbuttoning. 

“I was thinking, maybe we could keep each other warm tonight.” She said softly, a slight blush appearing on her cheeks.

His eyes were burning into her now.

She suddenly felt his strong hands grab her around her waist and pull her on top of him. Her bare thighs were straddled over his hips and his hands were sinking into the dips of her curves. Her hair hung down over his face, shielding them from the rest of the room. She could feel him stiffening underneath her as he groped at her hips. 

“Take this off.” He said in a low tone, tugging at the shirt she was wearing.

She let him pull the shirt over her head and toss it to the floor. Now she was completely nude on top of him. He reached up and cupped her swollen breast, sinking his thumb into it. She winced and covered his hand with hers. 

They’d become tender now. Sometimes it hurt to even wear a bra. Just one of the many changes that were yet to come. 

“Sorry.” He said. 

Lilly kissed his hand before lowering it down to her already slick heat, directing his fingers just outside her. Levi felt her wetness and growled hungrily as he rolled her over onto her back. 

She looked up at him as he gazed over her naked body underneath him. 

“Touch me.” She said softly under her breath.

She was longing for his touch. Everyday. 

He stared at her coolly. She heard him exhale through his nose as he lifted his hand and placed it in her hair. She felt his fingers combing through her locks gently as his eyes admired her body. Then his rough fingers came down onto her temple where they trailed down the side of her face. 

His thumb pulled down on her bottom lip, and he leaned in and took it between his own lips. She felt his teeth lightly nip at her lip, and then his warm tongue brush against her own. 

One hand lightly played with her nipple, while the other gently massaged the outside of her hip. His knee was between her legs, parting them to make room for himself. 

Then she heard him sigh.

“I-I know things have been different. I’m sorry.” He said suddenly.

Lilly frowned as she looked into his eyes. Yes. He was different. Was he going to talk about it? Explain a little? 

“You have been different.” She said quietly, breaking eye contact with him. “Since I told you about the baby.” She said frowning slightly. 

He was silent.

“Distant.” She said. 

“No.” He said as he hovered over her.

“No?” Lilly asked as her eyes returned to his. “You don’t talk to me, and you hardly have touched me.” She said, trying to hide the insecurity in her voice.

He was expressionless as he looked down at her. 

“I’ve just been sorting all of this shit out in my head. Okay? This whole thing is a lot to fucking swallow.” He said as he slowly leaned down to kiss her hair. 

“But if it’s too much then why-”

“Don’t.” He interrupted as he returned his mouth to her throat. 

Lilly frowned as he kissed her neck. He slowly returned his hands to her body, groping at her hips. She tilted her head up as his hair tickled her chin. 

He never wanted to talk too much about what was going on in his mind. It drove her insane to see him go through things alone. Only sometimes would he let her soothe him. He acted like his stress was an infectious disease. 

He undid his pants and looked down at her as she was spacing out, lost in her thoughts. 

“Hey.” He said, getting her attention. 

She looked up at him with a blank expression. 

“Don’t worry about this shit right now, okay? We both could use a moment of carelessness.” He said.

“But if something is on your mind, I prefer if you speak it now.” She said.

“Not now.” He breathed into her ear. 

He began to kiss the side of her face and then she felt him reach down and unbutton his pants. 

“Levi, please. It’s bothering me. I just want to know what’s been bothering you. Don’t shut me out.” She said. 

He made an irritated noise and sat up, the glow of the candle lighting up the muscles on his chest. 

“Is that a no then?” She asked as she lifted herself and leaned back on her hands. 

“There’s nothing to speak about. I told you I was sorting it out in my head.” He said. 

“Sure, you were thinking. But why did that mean that you had to distance yourself from me after you told me you wanted me to have this child? That makes no sense.” She said.

“Lilly. I’m not going to go into detail-“ 

“Are you afraid? Is that why? And you just don’t want to admit it?” She asked.

He glared at her with a heavy frown.

“Does looking at me remind you of how much heavier your burden just got?” She dug deeper.

Levi got up and started to get dressed. He was obviously irritated now, but she was getting frustrated by his stubbornness. She deserved to know what his deal was since it had effected her directly.

“Oh. I see. That must be it. If you don’t want it because it’s stressing you out, then why didn’t you just agree to end this earlier?” She asked. 

“Shut up.” He snapped. 

Lilly’s eyes widened and she instantly became angry. She wrapped the sheet around her torso to hide the naked body he’d already seen and then stood to face him.

“Excuse me?” She asked.

“I said shut up.” He said as he buttoned his pants, looking her dead in the eyes.

Talking to her like a typical cadet now. 

“See if I speak to you again. There’s no point anyway.” She said, anger hot on her tongue.

She watched as he started to face the door, ignoring her.

“You are afraid. You don’t even want this child. You just don’t have the balls to end this.” She said. 

Suddenly he turned and grabbed the sheet at her chest and pulled her so she was just an inch from his face. 

“Don’t talk like you have a fucking clue about what’s going on in my head. You don’t know shit. Do you understand me?” He asked sternly. 

Lilly blinked angrily, fighting back tears. One escaped as she glared into his icy eyes. He let go and turned away to open the door and shut it behind him, leaving her alone. 

 

“Then just talk to me.” She whispered into the silence.

 

...............

 

 

The following night, Lilly and the rest of the squad sat anxiously at the table in their new rendezvous while they listened to the screams of the MP that Hange and Levi had captured.

The exact one who had murdered Pastor Nick. 

The screams were awful. They echoed off the old stone walls and rattled in their ears. They were torturing him to get answers, just as he had tortured many himself. She knew it was likely Levi who was doing the majority of the torturing. And that was probably why he didn’t want to give her any details about it the night prior.

Ripping off fingernails. 

Pulling teeth. 

Audible blows to the face. 

It made her skin crawl.

“God, I signed up to fight against the titans. Now I don’t even know who the real enemies are. Why are we resorting to something like this?” Jean held his head in his hands beside her. 

“We don’t have a choice... if we fail here, humanity’s just going to be eaten by titans.” Eren said. 

“I guess that makes all of us traitors. What’s going to happen if we fail?” Sasha asked.

“What else? We’ll probably be hanged. In public. Even you, Lilly.” Jean said. 

“Thanks.” Lilly said as she leaned back in her seat.

“H-how are you feeling by the way?” Jean asked.

Everyone stared at Lilly. Her mind flashed back to the argument she had with Levi the night prior. Her stomach sank as she regretted even bothering to speak with him. 

“I wish the circumstances were different.” Lilly said plainly. 

“They’re still having you fight with us, huh?” Jean asked.

“They need me just as much as they need any of you in this. We won’t be safe until the threat has been eliminated, so I might as well fight.” Lilly said.

“But you could die...” Jean said.

“So could any of you. I could die just waiting around here too. We aren’t safe anywhere.” Lilly said before taking a deep breath. “I didn’t want things to turn out this way. But they did. I’m not going to stop fighting.” She looked down at her flat stomach. 

Especially not now.

“I mean that’s all up to you and Captain Levi.” Jean said, crossing his arms and turning his face away.

“It’s true that we need her. She’s always been one of our strongest. But eventually you won’t be able to move like you used to Lilly. You’re going to have to stop eventually.” Mikasa said. 

“Then I better help change this world fast.” Lilly said. 

“We’re trying to change a system that’s continued for over a century.... There’s no precedent, but why don’t we try to get the masses on our side? We can use the confusion caused by all the titan attacks. If we can agitate then by blaming the attacks on the government....the plan might work out...” Armin said suddenly.

Everyone stared at Armin quietly. 

“Of course, then the government might turn their guns on the people too. There’d be a lot of tragedies. But that might be unavoidable to save humanity as a whole. If we get some kind of symbolic incident, we can frame it as all the fault of the government or the military police brigade. Then the Survey Corps would appear as the saviors. Creating the strong impression that we are the only people the masses can trust....I’m sure they’ll be easy to fool....” Armin looked up and everyone was dumbfounded. 

“Uh... just kidding??” Armin said nervously.

“Man Armin, that perv who kidnapped us really messed with your head...” Jean said.

“No, Armin always been good at coming up with insidious and underhanded plans.” Eren said.

“I don’t remember raising him like that.” Mikasa said.

“We’re already criminals you know...the enemies we are facing aren’t going to eat us if we don’t kill them..they’re enemies because they have different ideas. Sometime soon, we may have to take other people’s lives for reasons like that. We aren’t good people anymore.” Armin said.

Lilly frowned and looked around at the frightened faces around the room.

 

What made a good person anyways?

 

........

 

*LEVI POV*

Levi’s fist landed hard against the interior MP’s jaw, knocking out a tooth that skidded across the floor. 

He wiped off his bloodied fist with a rag as he glared into the MP’s eyes. 

Sure they were trying to get answers from the sick prick, but he’d be lying if this wasn’t easing his frustrations. 

He was on edge. Everything was going to shit. 

Lilly was pregnant with his child.

He was sure he had been careful. But ‘one second too late’ as Hange put it, was all it took to impregnate her. 

As if he didn’t have enough to worry about. Now he needed to come up with something to keep Lilly and his child safe when it came. Right now she wasn’t safe anywhere. And as much as he was reluctant to have her fight, it had to be done. Of course he trusted her. And that word, he didn’t throw around lightly. He knew she could hold her own at this point. She’d developed into a great soldier, and a highly skilled one at that.

But still, it was easier on him knowing she was under his watchful eye. 

He wouldn’t tell her that though. She’d probably just get angry and tell him she could handle herself. 

But things could still go wrong. He was always prepared for that possibility. 

This gave him more of a incentive to tear down their enemies now. No matter what had to be done now, he’d do it. 

He remembered the night prior. Lilly had demanded answers as to why he’d distanced himself from her. Her hormones had made her increasingly more beautiful, but increasingly more emotional. 

She sure didn’t have a problem stepping up to him last night.

As if he’d be able to tell her that he felt guilty for putting her in such a vulnerable state. Yet he needed her to continue as if it’d never happened. He was afraid of being responsible for something so fragile and innocent as a child. Something that could easily be wiped out by anyone who wished to do him wrong. 

He was afraid.

He knew Lilly would be a good mother. He had no doubts. But she wanted more out of her life than being forced to have a child. That was her whole reason for leaving home. She could have married that wealthy aristocrat and had his children in a nice home. Lived a carefree life. 

He was guilty.

Because she was pregnant anyways and with his child. And what was he giving her? No stable place to lie her head at night. They were in danger at any given moment. And it was uncertain if all of them would make it out of the situation alive. 

That’s what he fucking gave her. 

So looking at her wasn’t easy. 

The guilt pained him because he loved her, and he knew she deserved much more. 

So when she asked him to tell her why he’d been so distant, how could he. 

The realization hit him hard. And maybe he really didn’t handle it correctly. But he handled it the way he always handled his troubles. 

Without putting the weight on others. 

He couldn’t bear to give her the stupid details when she needed him to be the strong leader. 

But he’d speak to her. He’d ease her mind. He’d even apologize. And he’d do better next time. 

That’s all he could do. 

“That’s probably everything they did to Nick.” Levi said. 

“Sheesh that was pretty tough. But I did start getting the hang of it halfway through. Sorry I’m not as good at peeling them as you. How many did you have to do to get good at it?” Hange asked the MP.

“Too many to count. People have lots of nails you know.” The MP replied. “I’ve ripped away so many nails, so much skin. People with wives. People with newborn kids. Even so....it didn’t matter..” The MP continued.

Levi glared at the disgraceful soldier before him. 

“We did it to keep peace inside the walls. Do you know why there’s never been a war inside the walls? Do you know who nurtured the peace that you people enjoy and take for granted? Us. The first squad. We got our hands dirty to protect you.” The MP said.

“A teacher who knew too much. A woman who tried to fly. Some whore in the middle of nowhere. People who threatened our peace.” The man muttered. 

“You protected the world from technological advancement. I knew it. Thanks a lot.” Hange said.

“Survey Corps, we should have erased you years ago. They must’ve thought you’d die on your own out there. Now you’re the biggest threat to our peace.” The MP spat.

Levi had enough now. He grabbed the man by his hair. 

“You worked hard to do your jobs. I get it.” Levi said. 

Levi punched the man in the nose, breaking it and sending blood down the man’s face. 

“Who are the Reiss family?” Levi asked as he lowered himself down to meet the man’s eyes. 

“Officially their connection to the royal family is weak. They’re the kind of aristocratic family you’d find anywhere.” The MP answered.

“Why would that kind of family line have authority to reveal the secret of the walls? Is the Reiss family using the wallists to keep people away from the walls? Why is the Reiss family doing this and not the royal family? Tell us everything you know.” Levi demanded, narrowing his eyes.

“People Like You d-“

“Wait! You took too long to answer!” Hange said as she gripped onto the man’s tooth and yanked it out with pliers.

“Gah!”

“Damnit. I want one without a cavity!” Hange said. 

“Watch it, we want him to be able to talk. Don’t pull too many.” Levi said.

“He still has plenty!” Hange said.

“I’ve never seen people take so much pleasure in inflicting pain on others!!” The man shouted with tears running down his face. “You’re monsters!”

 

“Let’s take a break.” Levi said to Hange.

They turned their backs on the MP and looked at each other.

 

“Jeeze. He almost makes me feel bad.” Hange mumbled.

 

........

 

By the end of the evening, they had successfully gotten their answers. Of course, they basically had to trick that rotten MP into telling them everything he knew by using one of his pals, but they still got the information they wanted.

Reiss was the true royal family. 

They sent out the news to Erwin and awaited his direction. He didn’t go to bed until later that night, and Lilly had been laying in bed with the lights out, huddled up in his shirt.

She was sleeping peacefully with her hand sitting over where he imagined his child was located. He’d occasionally see her do this, under the table at meals, or when she was alone and sitting outside in the grass. It warmed his heart in a way, to see her putting in the effort to bond with the pregnancy despite these hard times. 

He got into bed quietly, trying not to wake her. 

She didn’t have to understand right now. Why he did the things he did. 

He just hoped one day she’d be thankful when it was over. 

Levi wrapped his arm around her waist and buried his face into her hair. He slid his hand over her warm skin and rested it over her abdomen. He took in her scent and felt her stir under his touch. She sighed in her sleep as he held her slender body against his chest.

All of their lives were on the line. 

But for these new cadets, he could understand why this could all be so shocking for them. They signed up to defend humanity. 

Not to fight against it.

But this world was turning out to be more fucked up than anyone could have thought. And if saving all humanity meant fighting against some corrupt bastards within the capital, they’d need to.

And that was a hard truth to swallow. 

One day, when Lilly’s life happened to be on the line, or even their child’s, she’d know exactly what she’d need to do.

And without a doubt, she’d do it.

 

Then she’d understand.


	42. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nifa and Moblit arrive with word from Commander Erwin.
> 
> Levi is determined to fix this fucked up world at all costs.
> 
> Things don’t go as planned.
> 
> Plan B.
> 
> Levi and Lilly speak on private matters.

*LEVI POV*

 

The next night, he and Hange would need to deliver the news to the rest of his squad. 

By this time, a few more scouts had come to meet them at the rendezvous with word from Erwin. Nifa and Moblit had rode in together and were just getting situated when Levi had walked up the stairs from the basement. 

“Nifa.” Levi said, getting her attention.

Her eyes widened nervously as she waited for him to speak. She held her cup in midair.

“Good work riding here through the night.” Levi spoke.

“T-thank you Captain.” She replied with a relieved smile.

Levi walked over to her and leaned in, causing her to freeze again.

“Now, what’s the message you have from Erwin?” He asked her quietly.

“Who are they?....” she asked, looking over to Dimo Reeves and his son Flegel.

“The reeves company. It’s fine. Go ahead.” Levi said.

“Yes sir.” She said.

“I understand if you want me to leave, soldier.” Reeves said, bowing his head and smiling to himself. 

“No, stay and listen. That’s how this agreement works. No secrets. I trust you.” Levi said, looking Dimo in his eyes.

“Oh? You even trust my kid, whom you only just met today?” Dimo asked, placing his hand on top of his son’s head.

“If he’s part of the Reeves company, then of course. Flegel, was it? I welcome you here.” Levi said.

“And you’re Levi, right? If you really want to make us feel at home, shouldn’t you at least bring us some snacks?” Flegel asked.

Everyone in the room was staring at Levi with shocked expressions. Lilly looked away and pinched the bridge of her nose.

Just then Dimo shoved his son’s head down.

“Sorry, I’ve been bringing him around with me thinking that he may one day take my place. But I spoiled him, so he’s still a total child. We’ll leave the room, just tell us what our role is first.” Dimo said.

“No, stay here with the group. This will effect more than just the Reeves company. It will help shape the future of this world. That’s why I need your strength and trust.” Levi said.

Everyone looked at him with attentiveness. Dimo looked at his son and lifted his head back up. He then returned his gaze to Levi.

“Okay. We’ll sit here. Keep going.” Dimo said. 

“Alright, so the question of how Historia will take the throne as Queen....” Nifa started. 

“Huh?” Historia said with wide eyes, her mouth parting stupidly.

“Queen?” Armin asked.

Nifa looked around the room at the puzzled faces before looking at Levi again with an unsure face.

“Uh... Captain Levi?” Nifa asked.

“Oh. Yes. I haven’t quite told my squad yet..” Levi then turned to his squad and took a small breath and relaxed his shoulders. They were aching from standing up for such long periods of time. “The current Fritz company is something of a proxy for the real royal family. The real one is the Reiss family.” Levi said as he focused on Historia who looked completely dumbfounded.

Everyone stared at her in disbelief. 

Then Armin quietly raised his hand.

“I believe you just said Historia would take the throne as queen, correct? Is that the main goal of this revolution?” Armin asked.

“That’s right. Historia, your thoughts?” Levi asked.

She was quiet, and sweat was starting to bead on her forehead.

“Ah..I cant...there’s no way...” Historia finally spoke.

Levi narrowed his eyes and stepped in front of her. She swallowed nervously as she looked up at him.

“Yeah. If you walked up to someone and told them to become ultimate ruler of humanity, not too many would have the nerve to look you back in the eye and say, ‘sure’.” Levi glared down at her menacingly.

Historia’s eyes were watching him carefully. He leaned in closer and got in her face.

“But that doesn’t matter. Do it.” Levi ordered through his teeth.

Historia turned her head away from Levi slightly.

“...I’m unfit for the role...” Historia said.

Levi furrowed his brows. He was getting impatient. He really wasn’t in the mood for any of this bullshit. This world needed to be fixed, and it needed to be fixed now.

He had a child that had to be born into this world. 

“So no?” He asked.

“I’m unfit.” Historia answered quietly.

“Fine.” He said.

Levi grabbed her with both hands by her collar and lifted her off the ground with ease. Historia struggled in his hands, but was obviously too afraid to fight back. 

“Levi, stop.” Lilly stepped forward. 

He ignored her.

“Then run.” Levi said to Historia.

He felt Lilly place her hand on his back. Her touch felt light and unsure. 

“Run away from us as fast as you can. Because we are going to do everything we can to make you do what we want.” Levi said into Historia’s face.

“Captain Levi!?!” Eren shouted nervously.

He could feel Lilly grabbing at the back of his shirt now.

“Levi, stop it!” Lilly shouted.

“Looks like this is your destiny. If you don’t like it, fight.” Levi growled at Historia.

“Captain... What are you doing?!” Eren shouted.

“Let go!” Historia coughed.

“Beat me back.” Levi said.

“Stop it.” Lilly said, trying to separate his hands from Historia’s collar. 

Just then the buttons on Historia’s collar popped off and his grip loosened. She fell to the floor and coughed while holding her throat. Lilly instantly dropped to her knees with Sasha and placed their hands on Historia to comfort her. 

Lilly looked up at him with sternness in her eyes.

“That was too far.” Lilly said.

“Yeah Captain, that was a bit much.” Jean chimed in behind Lilly.

“Is that so?” He asked.

Levi looked around the room calmly.

“What do you see yourselves doing tomorrow? Will you have food on your tables? You think you’ll get a good nights rest in your beds?” Levi asked, looking around the room before his eyes finally rested in Lilly’s. “I never think so. And I doubt normal people think about these things on a daily basis. So that probably means that I’m abnormal. Probably because I’ve seen too much abnormal shit.” Levi said looking past Lilly and taking a breath. He returned his eyes on the rest of the group. “But, if Wall Rose was breached tomorrow, I’d be the fastest out of any of you to react and fight. I’ll fight even if I have to face that hell again tomorrow. You’ve all seen some terrible things too. And there might very well be more waiting for you tomorrow.” Levi looked at Lilly and his eyes drew down to her abdomen where he knew his innocent child resided.

She watched his eyes and placed her hand over her stomach protectively.

“I want...to put an end to that recurring nightmare right now. There are those who’d get in my way. But I’m fine playing the role of the lunatic who kills people like that. I have to be ready to rearrange some faces. Because I choose the hell of humans killing each other over the hell of being eaten. At least that way... all of humanity doesn’t have to be damned.” Levi said with furrowed brows as he focused his eyes on Historia.

“Of course, there’s another way. If we could simply seize control of this world...then a lot of people who would’ve died will live. That’d be nice right? It’s all up to you Historia. Follow? Or fight? I don’t care which. Just..” Levi lowered himself to Historia and placed his hand on her head. “CHOOSE ONE RIGHT NOW! WE DON’T HAVE ANY TIME!” Levi shouted into her face.

“I’LL DO IT!” Historia screamed. “The next role I have to play is Queen? Fine. Leave it to me.” She said, her face flushed.

Levi’s face relaxed and he grabbed her hand to help her up.

“All right. Stand. We’re counting on you, Historia.” He said before leaning back against the wall. 

Levi’s eyes searched the silent room, looking at the expressions of his comrades. Some appeared too shocked to look at him. Including Lilly. She leaned against the wall with her arms crossed, refusing to even look in his direction.

Others were looking at him with reluctance. 

But he didn’t care.

This needed to be done for the good of everyone.

He crossed his arms over his chest and sighed.

“Keep going Nifa.” Levi said.

“Uh ... Yes Sir... Here are the Commander’s orders. The plan will be executed tomorrow. The day that the Reeves company is to hand Eren and Historia over to the military police’s first squad. The first squad is entrusting the Reeves company with everything from Eren and Historia’s transportation route to the selection of the holding spot. We must use this to our advantage. We will hand Eren and Historia over to the first squad as planned. Then, we will use the Reeves company to follow them wherever they’re heading. Or whoever. Rod Reiss, Historia’s biological father. That man who truly rules the world inside the walls. According to the first squad the MPs captured, he controls everything from high ranking officials to the Fritz royal family. We will have the crown handed from a placeholder king to the true queen. We must force the people to believe that the system until now has been a lie...and show them a new light. And if the Survey Corps is allowed to help, then we will at long last be able to seal the hole in Wall Maria.” Nifa said. 

 

...........

 

*LILLY POV*

 

The next morning, Lilly was returning from loading Eren and Historia into the Reeves wagon with Levi. She remembered looking at each of them with wary eyes, knowing there was a chance she may never see them again if this plan had failed. 

Lilly hadn’t slept well the night before.

Despite being able to finally sleep in a real bed at this rendezvous point. Her body was aching, her mind was racing. But she knew she wasn’t the only one. 

But she couldn’t be afraid. 

Plotting against her government? She would have never dreamt of it. 

It was never one of the goals she created for herself. 

She had to keep fighting, even if the future was uncertain with a tiny passenger within her womb.

The thought was still so foreign. 

She remembered how Levi had acted the night prior with Historia, and had bothered her. Of course, after he explained his actions, she could understand better as to why he’d been so aggressive. 

He was frantically trying to get this all in order for her and their child. 

These times were trying for them both and their relationship. They were both trying so hard to do what was right. Both trying to stay strong despite the fear inside.

But at the end of the day they were human. 

And they needed each other more than ever. 

 

Lilly headed back to the rendezvous silently after he ordered her to. He promised he could handle following the wagon without her. 

She only hoped he knew that her thoughts were with him as she reluctantly obeyed his command.

All she wanted was his safe return.

 

..........

 

Later on, Lilly stood by the window as the rest of the squad sat at the table waiting for Levi to get back. It had been well past the time of his expected return, and Lilly had started to worry. The weather outside was getting gloomy, and it was sure to rain. 

“The Captain still isn’t back yet. Do you think everything went according to plan?” Conny asked. 

“I’m sure he will be back any minute. Captain Levi knows what he’s doing.” Sasha said. 

“It’s starting to rain.” Lilly said as she gazed out the window. 

Storm clouds were overhead and rain started to come down. 

She felt like each second she waited by the window was an eternity.

Hange came up the stairs with her notepad and she started scratching her head as her eyes searched the room. 

“Captain Levi still isn’t back?” Hange asked.

Lilly gazed out the window and saw a hooded figure ride up to the building as the rain started to come down harder. 

She squinted her eyes and saw his face from under the hood. It was him. Her heart started to race out of her chest.

“He’s here.” Lilly said. 

 

Just then Levi slammed open the door. His face wore a dark expression shadowed by his hood. He closed the door behind him and frowned at Hange.

“God. What happened Levi?” Hange asked, apparently reading his expression with ease. 

They seemed to have a close relationship like that. 

“This just got a hell of a lot more fucked up.” Levi said in an irritated tone as he leaned against the door. “The plan failed. I need you to go to Erwin. He’s in danger. Take the note that Eren gave you.” Levi was trying to put his words together but he was obviously panicking. 

Lilly had never seen him this way.

“They fucking murdered Reeves. They somehow knew he was working with us. They’re planning to blame his murder on us, and they’re taking Historia and Eren to Reiss. If Eren is right...” Levi stopped and clenched his teeth.

“Holy shit, Reiss is going to eat Eren!” Hange dropped her notepad.

“What?!” Mikasa shouted. She stood up and looked at Levi with accusing eyes.

“Hange go. I’ll inform them.” Levi said. 

“Got it!” Hange grabbed her coat and booked it out the door with Moblit.

“What is going on?” Lilly asked, grabbing his sleeve.

He looked up at her and frowned.

“Eren had mentioned a conversation between Ymir, Reiner and a Bertholdt.” Levi’s hair hung in his eyes. “We weren’t sure what to make of it until Eren recently remembered something. Or at least dreamed of it. But it seems that... the titan shifters are vessels for the titan abilities. Our theory is that Ymir was a titan wondering outside the walls until she had eaten one of Reiner and Bertholdt’s friends who was a titan shifter. When she ate him, she was able to become human again, and transform into a titan when she wanted. It’s possible that Reiss wanted Eren because if his ability to scream and control titans. The government may want that for whatever reason, and he very well could just be a vessel to them. There’s no way they’d just keep that power inside a teenage rebellion like him. They’d feed it to someone more convenient.” Levi said. 

Lilly looked into his eyes with disbelief. How was any of this possible? The world they thought they knew was starting to get turned upside down. Titan abilities were passed on by devouring another person? Wouldn’t that mean that the person devouring had to be turned into a titan? How did that work? How many titan shifters were there? Why has this been a secret from humanity?

“We have to save him.” Mikasa said as she rose out of her seat. 

“We will. We are going to get them back.” Levi said as looked up, confidence returning in his steely eyes. 

 

...........

 

So it had been announced two days later, after some serious research and plenty of spies, the operation to retrieve Historia and Eren would commence the following day. 

With Levi’s clever mind, they were able to guess where they were being kept hidden in Stohess. Apparently Eren and Historia were being transported in coffins, and the person transporting them was staying at an inn at Stohess which was suspicious and odd.

They would leave before dawn the next day to steal them back. 

That night, Hange and Levi had both made it very clear that this would be a dangerous mission, and that it was very important to stick to their positions which had been marked out on the map before them. 

They would be facing the first interior squad, and they were to be taken seriously. These people were dangerous. Not like the grunts that worked for Reeves. 

Lilly and her comrades retired to their rooms for the night silently. Tomorrow wouldn’t be easy. They all realized that. 

There was no way to tell what would happen. 

They could get killed in the process, or even captured which at this point would surely lead to death as well. Especially after being framed for murder.

But Lilly held her head up high, and tried her best to swallow her fear. They had to stay strong. They needed to fulfill their oaths to humanity. And when it was over, she hoped to be the best mother she could be. 

Lilly held the pendent dangling off her neck as she gazed out the window. She opened the window slightly and felt the nippy breeze blow against her thin white night gown. Goosebumps danced across her skin, and she lifted her hand to smooth them down. She stood that way in the darkness of the room, waiting for him.

Waiting to apologize for the other night. Waiting to make everything okay before the next day. 

An hour must have passed before the door finally opened. Her eyes widened and she turned around quickly, causing her gown to float up slightly. 

Levi shut the door behind him and stared at her. She started to walk towards him and she opened her mouth to speak.

“I’m sorry.” She blurted out. “For the other night.” She frowned as she stood still. 

“Sh.” He cut her off as he took a step towards her and took hold of her face in his hands. 

He pressed a kiss onto her open mouth.

“I apologize if I made you feel insecure. I’m not used to this...having someone there- I’ve had this-“ He paused for a moment. “I’ve always kept things to myself. In my position, I can’t really go and talk about what personal shit is on my mind. And besides, people have come and gone so much in my life. It got to a point where there wasn’t any use in getting too close to anyone. They’ve all just ended up..” Levi looked away, pain heavy in his eyes. “But you’re different. I can’t really put into words what you make me feel. It started off so small but now the thought of fucking losing you to any of this shit-“

Lilly cocked her head to the side slightly in his hands, observing his expression quietly. She’d never seen him have such trouble with his words. Even in the moonlight she could spot the pink spreading over his cheeks from the embarrassment. 

It was apparent that he felt vulnerable speaking this way.

“I love you.” He said finally, his hair hung slightly over his eyes. “And you’re the most important thing to me in this shit world. I want this child to have a good life, and everything is a fucking mess right now and I’ve just felt like the biggest asshole for putting you both in this situation. I almost feel like you would have been better off marrying that aristocrat in Sina. You deserve so much more than this. And here I am ordering you to rebel against the fucking royal government while you’re carrying my child.” He looked away, unable to look her in the eyes after finishing the last sentence. 

Lilly stared at him as a smile crept up on her lips. She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. 

“I know you meant no harm.” She said quietly. “I just can’t bear the thought of you being in pain alone when you have so much responsibility weighing down on you. Lean on me.” She said as she looked into his eyes. “If something is on your mind, you can tell me Levi. The last thing I want is for you to feel guilty about any of this. We had no way of knowing things would turn out this way. This life has been filled with much pain since joining the Survey Corps, that is true. But you’ve filled my days with such love and joy, and I’d never take the choices I made back. Because they all lead me to you. And I don’t expect perfection from you. I think we can both agree I’ve been far from perfect.” Lilly smiled against his skin and sighed. “I love you, no matter what happens.” She said softly into his neck.

She felt him relax in her arms as he took a shuddering sigh. He felt like he suddenly weighed a thousand pounds less after he had spoke his mind and heard her response. She felt his hand cradle the back of her head and press her tighter against him. 

“Thank you.” He said in almost a whisper. 

They stood like that for a few minutes, holding each other in front of the window as the pale moonlight poured onto them. Lilly reached for her necklace and unclasped it from her neck. She held it out between them. The moonlight bounced off the small silver pendant as it dangled from the chain. 

“This has become somewhat of a comforting good luck charm for me. Tomorrow is going to be full of unknowns, and well, I’d like you to wear it.” Lilly said softly. 

“I can’t. That’s too important to you.” He said. 

“And so are you. Please, just wear it.” She said, still holding the necklace between them. 

Levi stared at her blankly for a moment before letting out a soft sigh and bowing his head so she could clasp it around his neck. She gently reached up and brought it around his neck. The silver color of the chain stood out nicely from his slightly tanned neck. Her fingers lingered on his skin as he lifted his head up again. He looked down and carefully tucked the pendant into his shirt before glancing back up at her. 

He reached out and wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her in against his chest. He kissed her softly as he brushed her hair out of her face with his other hand. Lilly returned his kiss slowly, savoring the warmth of his lips against hers. His hands traveled up and down her torso lightly, but then increasingly became more needy. Before she knew it, his fingers were grasping at her flesh desperately as his tongue danced with hers inside her mouth. 

Her heart started to race, and she felt her face get warm. 

Lilly broke for air before reaching for the bottom of his shirt and pulling it over his head. She ran her hands over the smooth skin of his chest, feeling the muscles relax under her touch. She heard him exhale when her fingers brushed over his collarbone, and felt his hands traveling up and down the base of her back. 

She pressed her lips against his collarbone, softly kissing and licking at the hollow of it. A small breath escaped his mouth, so she continued to trail her lips across his chest.

He tilted his head back and groaned softly before reaching out and pulling her gown down off her shoulders. He lightly peppered kisses across them, taking his sweet time and building a flame in her core. His lips were warm and smooth against her skin. Warm puffs of air tickled her shoulders, as she reached up and tangled her fingers in his silky black hair. 

She then felt him give the gown one good tug, sending it down her legs and at her ankles. The breeze blew against her naked body, causing her to shiver before him. He suddenly grabbed her by the hips and bringing her against his own, making her straddle him. He then sent his lips crashing back against hers in a hungry and rough manner as he carried her over to the bed. 

He pressed her on her back as he leaned over her, holding her thighs up at his hips. He pressed firm and desperate kisses over her throat, before trailing them down over her breasts. He gently sucked at her nipples, coaxing a hum of approval out of her. He caressed her thighs as his mouth traveled down her taut belly, then over her hipbones. 

“Levi.” She breathed as his tongue licked at the dip of her hipbone.

His strong hands pushed apart her legs slightly more before his lips traveled down to her pelvic area. She arched her back at the sensation, causing him to glance up at her with a devilish look in his eyes. He lowered his head further and then suddenly she felt the firm sensation of his wet hot tongue against her heat. She gripped onto the quilt with both hands, bunching it up in her fists as his tongue slid over her bundle of nerves. He paid special attention to this area, and the sensation was so strong that her body was quivering with every movement of his tongue.

“L-Levi.” She said under her labored breath. 

She then felt a finger slowly enter her, and she nearly lost her mind. He didn’t stop his assault on her clit as he started to thrust his finger in and out of her. She whipped her arm down onto the bed and took hold of the pillow and brought it back up to her face to block out the ungodly noises escaping her mouth. 

Then she felt it coming. 

Her body started to clench and tighten as she started to reach her peak, and she bit onto the pillowcase in attempts to quiet herself. 

But her orgasm conquered her much harder than she was expecting, and she moaned out loudly into the pillow. 

When it subsided, she felt Levi climb over her as he removed the pillow from her face. She caught her breath and looked up at him as he gave her a satisfied smirk. He returned his lips to hers, and spread her legs again. She brought her hand up and pushed against his chest, causing him to look down at her with a confused and frustrated expression. 

“Wait.” She said, slowly sitting up and pressing him onto his back. 

He laid back without a word and watched intently as she brought his pants down and removed them from his body completely.

She hovered over him and licked her lips before bringing his member into her mouth. He gasped lightly under his breath, his body slightly twitching underneath her. He reached up and moved her hair out of the way so he could watch her thrust him in and out of her mouth. He started to slowly buck his hips upwards, causing him to enter her throat. She could feel herself getting further aroused by this, so she took him deeper in. 

She heard him curse under his breath as he continued to thrust upwards. Then she felt him pull from her.

“Okay, stop. Fuck.” He breathed. 

Lilly raised her head and smiled at him as she crawled back over him. She reached for his jaw, tilting his head back and placing a firm lick against his throat. He breathed out with pleasure as he grabbed her hips and pressed her against himself. She felt him warm and pulsating against her, and her immediate instinct was to grind herself against him. He exhaled heavily as she continued to do this. She then reached back and adjusted him against her entrance before slowly guiding him into her. He let out a groan as he gripped onto her rear. Her hips locked with his as she rocked back and forth slowly. The sounds of their labored breathing filled the room until Levi grabbed a fistful of her hair and pressed her mouth against hers, kissing her heavily and passionately. 

Never in her life would she has pictured herself here. 

The world could have been burning down around them, but in this moment it didn’t matter. She found love. And she was loved in ways she never knew she needed to be loved. 

A tear of happiness fell down her cheek as they rocked together.

“I fucking love you.” He cursed into her mouth before rolling her over onto her back. 

He intertwined his hand with hers and pinned it against the bed as he thrusted deeply into her. She bucked her hips against him, gaining him further penetration into her. His strength was overwhelming over her as he pinned her down, stroking her insides while grinding his pelvic bone back and forth over her clit. 

“Levi.” She moaned loudly as lights started to flash behind her eyelids, and her mouth started to water. 

He continued to thrust into her while holding her rear to angle her. She clawed at his back as her body wracked with pleasure. She could feel herself contract around him as she cried out his name. 

He pressed his mouth against hers, drinking up his name from her mouth and she felt him begin to become uncoordinated. He groaned as he thrusted sloppily. Then a sensation she never felt before. She could feel him twitching inside her, pumping all of his hot seed into her. 

He moaned into her neck as he clenched tightly unto her hips, completely finishing within her.

He gently slumped over on his back before pulling her to rest her head on his chest. They laid quietly for a few minutes in the dark as they regained their composure.

They got up and washed up briefly with the wash bucket in their room before getting back into bed. Lilly laid on her back while she waited for Levi to finish cleaning up. She studied his sharp features as he bathed in the moonlight, and wondered once more about the appearance of their little one. He glanced over his shoulder at her, icy eyes softening at the sight of her smiling at him. 

When he was finished, he climbed up onto the bed and softly pressed his lips against her stomach while holding her hand in his.

He then raised his head and laid down beside her, gently pulling her in once more to rest her head onto his chest. 

Lilly yawned and sighed softly as she closed her eyes. 

“Rest well.” She heard Levi’s tired voice say.

 

And sleep slowly but surely took her as her body prepared for the unknown of the next day.


	43. Kenny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We’ll fight against our fate.
> 
> We mustn’t submit to our fate.

The next day, and Levi and the squad were hiding in Stohess, getting ready for their operation to retrieve Eren and Historia. Lilly had gone with Levi briefly to check out the spot that she’d later meet him at while the others were waiting on a different street by their wagon. 

Both she and Levi wore their hoods up to hide their faces with shadow. She followed closely behind him as they lurked through the shadows and crept behind anything they could. They then cut through an alleyway to avoid being seen, when suddenly Lilly became ill. 

Levi placed his hand on her back as she hunched over. She felt him rubbing her gently across her shoulders. She was trying hard not to be too loud to keep them from having attention drawn to them. Lilly finally rose to her feet with watery eyes and Levi handed her a canteen to wash out her mouth. 

“This morning sickness will be the death of me.” She said as she wiped her mouth with her sleeve. 

“Hange said it should subside soon. Can you go the rest of the way from here to tell the others?” Levi asked.

“Yes.” Lilly answered as she put the cap back on the canteen. 

Levi adjusted her ODM harness under her hood, making sure it was adjusted properly. He raised his hand and tugged her hood over her face more and sighed as he looked her over.

“This will all be over soon.” He said to her before pressing his forehead against hers. 

Lilly closed her eyes and reached her hands up to his face. 

He then lowered himself down to her lower abdomen and pressed his forehead against it gently. 

“Hey. You in there. Stop giving your mother such a hard time.” He said in a low tone. 

Lilly smiled as she ran her fingers over his hood, wishing she could touch his soft black hair once more. Levi rose to his feet and held her hand in his before turning away and slowly letting his fingers slide out of hers as he proceeded in the other direction. 

When she glanced back, she had just seen him disappear at the end of the alleyway.

 

..................

 

Lilly had just joined up with the squad when they learned Commander Erwin was taken into custody, and that the Survey Corps was to freeze all activity once and for all. Many Scouts were taken into custody, and Levi’s face was in newspapers with a bounty to bring him in dead or alive. 

His face was on the cover of the newspaper. What was up with his nose in the portrait?

Lilly’s hands were shaking as she continued to read on. 

She read through each of her comrades descriptions. And then she froze when she came to her own.

Someone had given them information on her and Levi’s relationship, because she was listed as his significant other, and that it was unknown whether or not they had a marital status. 

Otto.

Lilly glared at the paper. She was listed to be around five feet tall, very long and light hair, blue eyes, early twenties. 

And dangerous. 

Oh her parents would have freaked out if they had seen this. Especially her mother. 

Lilly held the newspaper in her hand, hiding her face while she stood in a quieter street with the rest of the squad. Paranoid, she made sure her pale braid was tucked into her hood and that her face was hidden as well as possible. She was just about to meet Levi up on the roof to wait for their operation to start when she heard Armin speak.

“This means the Survey Corps is dissolved.” Armin said.

“I was prepared to die in a titan’s stomach...but to think a bunch of angry humans are about to lop my head off...” Jean said as he tilted his head down and adjusted his hat to hide his face.

“Hey... it hasn’t come to that yet..” Armin said.

“The Commander isn’t going to sit back and watch as they falsely accuse him and shut down the Survey Corps. I mean I had lost all hope when the company boss was killed and we lost Eren and Historia. ..but thanks to the captain’s quick thinking, our stakeout here in Stohess District worked! It has to be the undertaker! Why else would someone stay at an inn with two coffins? And...if we can just get lord Reiss...or if we find records of how the walls were created...we can probably find out how Eren can harden his titan’s skin too!” Armin said.

“Even if it all does go well, if you’re going to kill other human beings, you can count me out. If the Captain did order me to kill, I doubt I could do it.” Jean said.

“Me too. Captain Levi thinks he can use violence to make people do as he says. Just like what he did to Historia.” Conny said. 

“Yet he acted so humble with the Reeves Company. Threatening Historia when she was practically a husk of her usual self. He probably did that to make her easier to control once she becomes queen!” Sasha said.

Lilly looked up and glared at them.

“Mikasa?” Armin asked.

“I kinda always thought something was off with that shorty.” Mikasa said. 

Lilly growled and threw the newspaper down.

“How dare you! After everything he’s done for us!” Lilly shouted.

“Everything he’s done for us?! He’s done nothing but drag us along into trouble. And you especially should be angry, considering he put a kid in you now of all times. You’re puking your brains out every morning and you become weaker everyday! And then what Lilly? You have his kid and then you become exactly what you didn’t want to be. A housewife. This is it for you. Say goodbye to your dreams of ever leaving these walls! And it’s no thanks to him!” Jean shouted at her.

Lilly opened her mouth and paused, shocked at his jab. Just a housewife? 

Her? 

Never. 

She closed her eyes and exhaled calmly. 

“He brought us because he trusted us to protect Eren and Historia for the good of humanity. That is our jobs. It has been from the moment we signed up for this. To defend humanity. I don’t mind having to kill a few sick bastards just so the rest of these people within these walls can live.” Lilly said, trying to shrug off Jean’s remark, despite it’s sting.

“Now you sound like the Captain.” Conny said rolling his eyes. 

She turned her back.

“I don’t care what any of you think. There’s a reason I’m here. Not because I’m involved with the Captain, but because I’m strong. Because I dared to bare the wings of freedom on my back. Because I carved an oath into my heart. Because our commanding officers know they need me, and they put their trust in me. And I in them. And I will until I breathe my last breath. Whether it be inside the gut of a fucking titan, or at the hands of my fellow man. You can choose your own paths. But I suggest you do it now. The operation is about to begin.” Lilly said as she walked away with a scowl.

She felt eyes piercing into her back as she headed to where Levi and Nifa were posted on the roof, watching for the first squad to leave the inn with the coffins. 

 

..........

 

Lilly was crouched beside Levi behind a chimney on the rooftop, while Nifa was crouched behind the other chimney across from them. Lily was still irritated from her disagreement with the others, and Levi glanced at her. 

“What’s eating you?” He asked as he looked away. 

“Can we talk later?” She asked. 

Housewife. 

It was burned into her mind. 

“Yeah. Let’s get through this shit first.” He said.

“Of course. Did you see the newspaper?” Lilly asked Levi as he looked down to the streets.

“Yeah, I did.” He answered with a suspicious glance. 

Oh, he knew her so well. 

“Couldn’t help but notice that nose they gave you.” Lilly bit her lip, trying not to snicker. 

Lilly heard Nifa chuckle from her post and Levi shot her a deadly glare. Nifa quickly recovered and cleared her throat after seeing his icy warning. He looked away and reached up to touch his nose.

“They had to of done that on fucking purpose.” He muttered. “They put you in there too, huh.” Levi said, eyes still glued to the hearse.

“Yeah. Unknown marital status.” Lilly smirked. 

“Yeah. Maybe that will change.” Levi said nonchalantly as he watched the MPs start to exit the inn. 

Nifa‘s eyes widened and she looked over to Lilly. 

“C-Captain?” Lilly asked with a puzzled look on her face. 

Just then they saw two coffins being loaded into a hearse on the street below them. 

“For fucksake, drop the honorifics Lilly. Look. There’s two coffins. There’s no mistaking it....unless they’re necrophiliacs or something...” Levi said.

Lilly rolled her eyes and shook her head. Levi suddenly placed his hand on her knee.

“That’s the first squad. And Eren and Historia are inside those coffins.” Levi said.

“We almost lost them. But thanks to your prediction that they’d come through this town, we got here first.” Nifa said.

Lilly smiled at Levi. It was true, he really was good at plotting and planning. He was an intelligent man for sure. She hoped their child got his mind. 

Just then Levi got tense.

“What’s wrong?” Lilly asked, trying to see his expression.

“Something’s odd. They’re acting like I’d expect the first squad to. The first squad figured out that Reeves was on our side. They are proving to think like me....” Levi started. 

“Yeah?” Lilly asked as she studied his serious expression. 

The breeze lifted Levi’s hair off his face for a minute as he thought.

“I could have sworn I saw him...in the woods that night. The one who killed Reeves. But I thought there was no way he’d be working with the military police...” Levi said.

“Who?” Lilly asked.

“Have you heard of Kenny the ripper?” Levi asked.

“Hm? The mass murderer from the city? The one they say tried to slit over a hundred MPs throats who tried to capture him? The urban legend?” Nifa asked.

“He exists. It’s true.” Levi said with a grim face.

“What?” Lilly asked.

“I lived with him for a short while I was a kid.” Levi said.

“How can you joke at a time like this, Captain?” Nifa asked as she continued to look through her binoculars.

“You know, he had a big influence on how I think..surround them on both sides from behind..when you’re stalking a target as a group...using high ground and good visibility..” Levi said quietly.

Lilly placed her hand over his on her knee. He appeared to be off and it was worrying her. He was glancing around quietly, much like a deer in the forest. 

“Levi-“

Just then she heard a thump on the roof. When they all peaked over the other edge of the roof to see what it was, two gunshots went off. One just missing Levi’s head as he ducked, hitting the chimney by Lilly’s face. The other blowing Nifa’s skull apart, spraying hot blood and pink brains everywhere.

Lilly shrieked and looked away. Levi grabbed her and pulled her against his chest as he looked around. 

What. The. Fuck. 

Just then dozens of men came out of hiding from the other rooftops with ODM gear like their’s, but without blades. They all had pistols at their triggering system instead.

They started murdering the scouts that Levi had placed amongst the surrounding rooftops and screams from civilians filled the streets. It was a nightmare. And Lilly was looking around frantically with Levi’s arm wrapped tightly around her waist, holding her to his side with his blade withdrawn in his other hand. 

These people were strapped and ready to kill other people. Not titans.

Lilly was frozen in horror at what she’d just seen, and Levi quickly pushed her against the brick chimney, then pressed his back against her, pinning her in place and shielding her. Her face was pressed against his shoulder blade as she heard footsteps coming up the roof. Footsteps of the person who had shot Nifa with precision. Her heart was racing and a small whimper left her lips. She was still processing what had just happened. Their plan has been turned around on them. She could feel Levi’s heart pounding through his back as he continued to shield her with his body.

She thought seeing Eren’s face melted off was bad, but she’d never seen anyone’s skull get blown apart, especially someone she knew. 

.....What was even happening? Was this real...? Things weren’t supposed to go this way. 

Lilly stared off into space, the shock taking hold of her. 

“Yo, Levi.” A deep and husky voice called as the footsteps trailed closer up the rooftop towards them. 

“Look at how you’ve grown.” The voice said.

“Withdraw your blades.” He ordered.

Lilly obediently withdrew her blades with her face pressed to his back. 

“Levi-“

Just then they heard the sound of ODM anchors being launched over head. They both looked up to see a middle aged man with longer hair and a hat aiming his guns at them.

“No, you haven’t really changed much have ya?! And ah look, there’s your little lady!” Kenny taunted.

Levi got off of Lilly .

“Run!” He screamed as he threw her off the roof. The fear and desperation in his eyes were burnt into her mind she fell. She quickly found the trigger to her blades and launched herself away before she hit the ground.

“KENNY!” Lilly heard Levi growl loudly.

He sounded boiling mad. 

She heard Levi withdraw his other blade and then gunshots go off. Lilly clenched her eyes shut when she heard the gunshots hit the roof, sending shingles flying into the air behind her. 

Lilly hid behind a wagon and held her chest and tried to catch her breath. Gunshots were popping off everywhere, and scouts were being murdered and falling from the rooftops and into the streets. Her heart sank as she clenched onto her chest. 

She saw Levi launch off the roof overhead and then saw Kenny chase after him. Soon three other men were chasing Levi through the air.

Lilly clenched her teeth and pushed herself off the side of the wagon and launched into the air. 

She’d hunt them down.

She’d kill them.

She maneuvered through the streets quickly after the men chasing Levi, and she managed to get close to one of them. Fiery rage burned in her gut as she clenched her teeth, preparing to kill for the first time. 

She had to kill them. 

It was either that, or possibly watch her lover die. 

She had no choice now. 

Her child needed their father. 

Lilly closed in on the man in the back of the group that was pursuing Levi in the air. She withdrew her blades and scowled fearlessly. 

Just then one of the men looked behind him and made eye contact with her.

“Hey! We’re being followed!” He screamed.

The rest of the men including Levi turned around and looked at her. Just then one of the men shot at her, but she quickly dropped her body weight and did a forward roll across the rooftop to dodge it before bouncing off her feet and launching an anchor into the man’s chest, sending him falling to the ground. She used that momentum to propel herself into pursuit of the next man in line. 

“Did you fuckin’ see that?!” The man screamed frantically to the one ahead of him.

Lilly could hear Kenny shooting at Levi and it made her blood boil hotter. She decided to cut across the corner to get to Kenny. She realized that this man was extremely dangerous, and she needed to be smart about this. 

She then saw Kenny blow apart a brick wall next to Levi’s head, causing a chunk of brick to bust open his face. 

She heard him groan and saw blood pouring down his face. Levi ducked underneath a clothesline and propelled himself off the side of the building to try and shake Kenny off his trail. She then watched as Levi flew through the doors of a bar.

Lilly tumbled over the rooftop and stood on the ledge to spot Kenny and the remaining men outside the bar. They were surrounding him. 

She needed to clear some of them out so he could escape.

She stealthily launched herself across the rooftops until she was parallel to the bar. She then jumped down and crept up behind one of the men and froze with her blades in her hands. Her hands were shaking and she tightly closed her lips to seal off any fearful noises that were threatening to leave her. 

Kenny started to walked towards the bar and Lilly’s heart pounded in her chest as she stood on her toes.

“Leviiiii.” Kenny called in a predatory manner.

Lilly furrowed her brows and covered the man’s mouth in front of her and slit his throat. Crimson blood spewed out onto her hands. He gurgled as he dropped to the ground with a thump and the other man turned around with wide eyes.

“Hey!” He shouted as he aimed his gun at her.

Lilly quickly slid out of his line of fire and heard the blast go off and hit the brick road under their feet. She swiftly kicked out the man’s foot and stepped on his chest before plummeting her blade into his heart. 

He loudly groaned under her.

Just then, a bullet grazed her thigh. She felt hot blood start to trickle from her leg as she turned around with hatred beaming from her eyes. The shooter frantically tried to reload his gun, but she withdrew a knife and threw it, landing it between his eyes. Lilly ran to collect the knife from his face before spinning and extending her arm to slice the throat of the next attacker. 

She heard a step behind her and she went to swing her knife but then she felt a large hand come over her mouth and the cold steel of a pistol to her temple. She felt the arm put her in a choke hold before removing her hood and revealing her face and hair to the sunlight. 

“Ah there she is. I knew you’d come.” Kenny smiled down on her.

This man looked so familiar. 

He twisted her arm and disarmed her before grabbing her around her waist and lifting her off the ground. He pressed his gun to her head, and held her tightly against his chest. 

“Such a small little thing you are! No wonder that runt took a liking to ya!” He said in her ear. 

She kicked and twisted in his grasp, trying to break free.

“You son of a bitch!” Lilly hissed as he carried her into the bar.

 

*LEVI POV*

 

“Now, now, it’s not polite for such a pretty young lady such as yourself to curse!” Kenny laughed. “Come on out Levi, I can smell ya! The stench of a filthy rat! Ya little rodent!” Kenny shouted and everyone inside the bar froze.

Levi froze behind the bar where he sat out of view from Kenny. Blood dripped into his eyes and he raised his hand to wipe the blood away.

“Tch.” Levi scoffed quietly as he looked at the blood on his fingertips. 

They knew.

The first squad knew how they thought because fucking Kenny was working for them. How could he have ever calculated this coming to pass? And now he had Lilly. He could hear her struggling in Kenny’s grip.

But he needed to stay calm. One wrong move made out of an emotional decision would without a doubt get him and Lilly both killed. 

“No need to fear, the laws here to take down the bad guys! BANG BANG!” Kenny snickered.

Just then he heard Lilly grunt. He lifted his head slightly, anger boiling up inside of him. He needed to remain calm, for her sake. He needed to think thoroughly.

He reached up for the silver leaf pendant hanging from his neck and held it tightly in his fist. He remembered how her face looked in the moonlight as she held out the pendant to him. 

It’s okay Lilly.

It’s gonna be okay. 

“Huh? He’s not here?!” Kenny called as he searched the room.

“I’m here Kenny. It’s been awhile.” Levi called from behind the bar.

Just then he heard Lilly groan angrily. She sounded like she was struggling harder now that she heard his voice. 

“Yeah, brings me back. You got quite the charming little woman right here. Come on out. We both wanna see your face.” Kenny said.

“Are you kidding me? You just sprayed it with a shotgun. How about you let her go.” Levi said.

“Heh! No can do. I’ll have to wipe her out too. I’m here today to see what color your brains are.” Kenny said. 

“I didn’t think you were still alive Kenny. So you’re an MP now, after killing so many of them? Hah. I think this is the first time I’ve ever laughed at one of your jokes.” Levi said in a low tone.

“I wouldn’t expect a kid to understand how adults work. Oh sorry! Your height confused me. Guess you’re all grown up now. I was hoping to see ya in action. Never thought you’d use the tricks I taught ya. Though I’d never try to hide in a bar like this. Didn’t I ever teach ya about cornering a rat? No matter which way you go, we’re just going to swoop down on ya.” Kenny said.

Levi could get a slight glimpse of Kenny in the reflection of the wine bottle in front of him. He had a good grip on Lilly who was fighting to get out of his grasp.

She wasn’t giving up. 

“Now don’t be so feisty little lady. I’d hate to blow apart that pretty little face of yours. Or maybe I could just blow that sorry child right out of ya instead.” Kenny threatened as he held his gun to Lilly’s lower abdomen.

“Levi!” Lilly screamed but her mouth was quickly covered by Kenny’s hand.

Levi was silent. He was shaking with fury. That motherfucker. Out of all the dirty things he could do. He clenched his fists tightly.

He had to keep low. 

If he stuck his head up now, it’d be blown clean off and Lilly would be next.

Breathe. 

“Boy, you must be pretty damned stupid if you think I haven’t been watching you all morning. How else do you think I found ya? I saw little miss gettin’ all sick in the alleyway. I watched you two have your moment. She mustn’t be very far along now, is she?” Kenny asked as he reached down and placed his hand over Lilly’s abdomen, trying to feel for any swelling that could give him a sign that she was actually pregnant. 

“Don’t touch me!” Lilly hissed.

“Hm, no. Can’t feel nothin’. Must be new news! A shame I have to break your family up now ain’t it? You’re used to that though, aren’t ya Levi?” Kenny asked.

“If you fucking hurt her, I swear to fucking God Kenny-“

“Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. But I got a question for you brat. You really think you’d make a good daddy Levi? Because my personal opinion is that you wouldn’t even know where to start. You’re nothing but a bastard son born of a whore from the dirty-dirty streets of the underground.” Kenny laughed. 

Levi was trembling with anger. His eyes were stinging and he was seeing red. He wanted nothing more than to strangle Kenny to death. But this is what Kenny wanted. He wanted him to get worked up and emotional so he’d make an uncoordinated move. 

He couldn’t let his low jabs get to him.

“Just let her go...” Levi said in an exhausted tone. 

This man was the man who raised him and then left him on his own one day without a word. And now he was back to kill him? 

Hah. 

But Levi knew Kenny wasn’t going to let Lilly go. 

He’d been ordered to kill all of them. And if Kenny’s mind was truly alike to his own, he was going to start hurting Lilly just to get him to come out since he wasn’t responding to his verbal jabs. 

“Come on out Levi. Come see your girl.” Kenny said. 

Levi watched in the reflection of the bottle as Lilly struggled against him as he shifted her to one side of his body. He picked up a chair and threw it across the room and at the bar, sending glass and alcohol everywhere around Levi. 

“I think I know why you joined the Survey Corps. All we could see for ourselves was a lifetime of livin’ in a garbage dump. It took everything we had just to make it to the next day. The day we found out how big the world really was....ya...of course it hurt. Because we found out how meaningless our sad little lives were. But something saved us. We found something we wanted to do. It’s simple but true. Hobbies make life worth living.” Kenny said as he drew closer to the bar and picked up a chair to block the other side of his body.

Lilly tried to scream but her voice was muffled by the hand over her mouth. 

“Hobbies? So is blowing the heads off my soldiers one of your hobbies?” Levi asked as he reached for the bartender’s rifle not far from him.

 

*LILLY POV*

 

Lilly noticed Levi had turned a bottle around on the shelf, and Lilly could see herself in the reflection as Kenny drew closer. 

“I’ll kill whoever it takes to get the job done. Your little lady slaughtered my men outside. And she did it efficiently. See, she gets it! Here, tell you what. You come on out and maybe I’ll save her and let my men have some fun with her.. you wouldn’t mind, right Levi? That’s what your mother did for a living....Sure there’s no telling what would become of your little brat when it comes.” Kenny said in a low tone.

This man was sick. The things he was saying were awful and she wanted nothing more than break free of his clutches and murder him. But she needed to think calmly and rationally for the sake of their child she carried. Levi would come up with something.

He always did. 

She trusted him.

“Hey no hard feelings though. You kill too when it benefits ya, right?” Kenny asked as he cocked his pistol against Lilly’s abdomen, getting ready to pull the trigger. 

“Yeah.” Levi said as a rifle appeared over the counter of the bar. 

Levi shot it and it blasted the chair apart, sending Kenny and her flying backwards. Kenny’s grip on her faltered and she rolled backwards out the door and launched herself off to the side. When she looked up, she saw Levi who had busted through the side window and back over the rooftops. He was looking back for her, and when he laid eyes on her, she could actually see his eyes sigh in relief. 

“Go find the others!” Levi shouted at her. 

Lilly turned around and saw at least ten other men behind them.

“Are you kidding me?!” Lilly shouted.

“I almost lost you once.” He growled as he propelled forward through the streets. 

“I can handle it!” Lilly snapped as she maneuvered by his side. 

Just then a shot popped off and zoomed past Lilly’s head. Lilly growled and leaned her weight backwards. She flew back through the air, causing one of the men to fly into her blade. She pulled out her blade and blood splattered on her face and in her hair. Levi was looking back at her with blood dripping from the gash in his face. Then another MP flew in front of him. He quickly twisted his body through the air and sliced the man in half, sending blood and organs falling to the streets.

Lilly winced at the sight. 

How much gore would she be forced to witness?

“They’ve set up ambushes along our route. They calculated our every move. Let’s go find the squad and get out of here. It’s not safe to follow through with the original plan.” Levi said.

“But what about Eren and Historia?!” Lilly asked as she continued to follow behind him. 

“We need to hold off. We are all going to get our heads blown the fuck off at this rate!” Levi shouted back at her. 

Another man was on Lilly’s trail, and Levi glanced back at him. Lilly quickly slid down the slope of the roof, sending shingles flying back into the man’s face. She swung herself under a clothesline and tumbled through a window, landing on top of a table with a family seated around it. 

She was standing directly on their meal, and some of it had been knocked over onto the floor. 

They all looked up at her with horror and shrieked. 

“Sorry!” Lilly said and tossed some coins on their table before running through the house and launching off their porch. 

She swung herself around the corner and caught site of Levi who was looking for her. His eyes locked with hers and then he continued on route to meet the rest of the squad.

Lilly continued following behind him, cutting down anyone who tried to stop them. Then they finally caught sight of the wagon with their squad chasing after Eren and Historia.

“Captain?!” Armin exclaimed as he laid eyes on him and Lilly. 

“Get out of here, we are giving up on retrieving Eren and Historia for now. Up ahead is nothing but ambushes. They knew we were coming.” Levi ordered. 

Lilly and Levi landed in the wagon next to Armin and Sasha. They tossed a body out of the wagon that one of them must have shot. Armin looked particularly guilty and in shock but she didn’t say anything. 

“Lilly!” You’re bleeding!” Jean said and pointed at her thigh. 

Blood had soaked her pants surrounding where the bullet had grazed her thigh.

“This is nothing. I’m fine.” She said. 

Shadow covered the wagon for a brief second as they exited through the outer gate and out into Wall Rose. They rode for awhile, and made sure no one was following them. 

Jean ripped off a strip off his cape and tied it around the wound on Lilly’s leg. The wound really wasn’t that bad, but the blood soaking into her pants was a bit unnerving. Levi watched Jean carefully as he finished tying the makeshift bandage. Jean slumped down beside Lilly and held his face in his hands. 

“What a day.” Jean mumbled. 

“Over here, Kirstein. I need to speak with her.” Levi said in a less stern tone than what he usually used. His voice sounded worn. 

Jean looked up at him and nodded his head. Jean got up and after Levi stood, and as Jean passed Levi on his way to his new seat within the wagon, Levi put his hand on Jean’s shoulder and stopped him.

“Thank you. For doing that for her just now.” Levi said. 

Jean looked at Levi with a surprised expression and just nodded his head. Levi then went and sat beside Lilly. 

If only Levi knew what they he’d been saying earlier. 

Lilly wouldn’t say anything. They made the decision to keep fighting after she left. 

Levi’s arm was pressed tightly against hers, and she could feel the heat radiating off him. She stared at his bloodied face as she waited for him to speak. 

“He didn’t hurt you, did he? Kenny. I could only see so much through the reflection of that bottle.” Levi said finally. 

“No, I mean nothing serious. He had a good grip on me.” Lilly said as she lifted her shirt to reveal a bruise on her abdomen where the pistol had been pressed. 

Levi’s eyes became dark and he looked away. 

“I’m sorry.” He said. 

“It’s not your fault that I got caught. I wasn’t watching my back.” She said.

“I should have been.” He said.

Lilly was quiet for a moment. She reached down and held his hand in hers. 

“I’m my own responsibility.” She said. 

“Tch. You know that’s not true anymore.” He looked into her eyes with a serious expression. 

Lilly looked down at her hand intertwined in his and exhaled softly. 

“Thank you for saving me back there.” She said. 

Levi rubbed his thumb over hers in response as he continued to look up at the horizon as they rode back to their rendezvous. She herself got lost in the scattered clouds in the sky. 

So many had died today. So many scouts who’d agreed to fight for the cause. Lilly closed her eyes and sighed. 

How many more would have to die before things were right? 

She felt Levi move beside her and saw that he was touching his bloodied wound on his forehead. Lilly took the water canteen and removed her cape so she could wet it with the water.

She then kneeled before him and gazed at him quietly with the wet cape in her hands. He looked warn out, and unhappy. 

Everyone was.

Levi watched her intently as she lifted the wet fabric to his forehead. His raven hair was caked to his forehead with dried blood, and she was trying to be gentle. He closed his eyes as she carefully dabbed his forehead to wipe away the surrounding mess. 

She could feel everyone watching her now. 

“So. Which one of you shot that MP that we tossed out of the wagon?” Levi asked. “Not that it really matters. I’m just curious.” He said as Lilly wet the other end of her cape, and started wiping the blood that had run over his eye and down his cheek. 

“I-I did Sir.” Armin answered from behind Levi as he held the horses’ reigns in his hands.

“No shit.” He said, obviously surprised. 

Armin frowned and looked down. He looked very sullen and uncomfortable in his own skin.

Lilly couldn’t relate.

Was it because of the child within her that she knew she needed to protect no matter what? That factor most certainly gave her the extra drive to fight and live, and it seemed to push Levi as well.

She needed to survive. They both did.

It was kill or be killed now. She understood that well enough. 

She’d live to see her child’s face. 

Lilly finished cleaning Levi’s face up and then noticed that his other arm had been sliced open. She instantly frowned and lifted up his arm. He looked at her with a cool expression as she observed the wound. 

“This is going to need stitches.” She said quietly as she kneeled before him. 

“Very well.” He answered as he lifted his hand and stroked her cheek. “Thank you.” He said in a low tone. 

Lilly nodded her head before leaning back against the seat in between his legs. Her eyes wandered around the wagon. Everyone was resting. Sasha was asleep on Conny’s shoulder while his rested his head against his hand. Jean had his head in his lap. Mikasa was resting her head on her arm while holding onto her scarf in the other hand. She appeared to be gazing out to the fields. Armin was just staring ahead with an uneasy expression.

Lilly closed her eyes and tilted her head back to rest against the wooden seat, with Levi’s knees on both sides of her head. She stretched out one leg flat on the bottom of the wagon and bent her injured leg up to rub her thigh which was just now becoming sore. The adrenaline had finally worn off, and she became tired. 

 

No one said another word for the rest of the ride back.


	44. Carry On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We carry on through the storm.  
> Tired soldiers in this war.  
> Remember what we’re fighting for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, just so you know, I’ve started revising this fic from the start, fixing rough edges and what not. I’ve also started posting on Wattpad under the same username if anyone wants to show some love over there.
> 
> As always thanks for the continued support!

Lilly looked out in the distance as they drew closer to their rendezvous location. Her eyes widened when she could see a group of military police already scouting the area.

“Captain Levi! Military police are swarming the rendezvous point!” Armin said.

Levi turned around and narrowed his eyes.

“Tch. Head west and go through the woods.” Levi ordered.

“Sir!” Armin answered.

“The rest of you, blades withdrawn and eyes peeled. Those bastards could be anywhere now.” Levi said as he withdrew his own blades. 

“Sir!” The rest of the squad answered as they withdrew their blades.

Lilly looked down at her blades as the light of the sun bounced off the steel. Blood was dried onto the swords, and the rest of them stared at her in disbelief. 

“Lilly... did you.. kill an MP?” Jean asked quietly. 

She looked down at her blades and looked up at Levi who silently handed her a cloth to wipe them. 

“I had to.” She said. 

No one spoke. 

“Didn’t I say keep your eyes peeled? Turn around.” Levi ordered. “You can all chat later, assuming we make it out of this alive.” He said as he wiped his own blades with a rag over his thigh. 

The squad obediently turned around and looked around in the woods carefully. Lilly couldn’t believe this still wasn’t over. All their efforts for nothing. Nothing came out of this operation. 

Just more loss. 

“How are we going to get Eren back now?” Mikasa asked as she continued to look into the shadowy forest. 

“We will come up with something. As of now our only goal is getting to safety. And your only concern should be keeping your eyes on those fucking trees.” Levi snapped. 

Mikasa shot him a glare before whipping her head back around. 

The tension between the two could be so thick sometimes. Lilly never interfered when they got into it though. She just chalked it up to being something about the Ackerman temper. Lilly really wasn’t sure if they were really closely related at all. She had never heard Levi and Mikasa talk about their heritage, so she figured maybe they just happened to have the same last name. Though it wasn’t a common name in the walls. There were plenty of names that were heard often enough, but Ackerman wasn’t one of them. 

Last names.

Lilly’s mind wandered back to when she and Levi were posted on the roof in Stohess. He had for a second mentioned something about her marital status changing? What did he mean by that? Was he joking? Was he considering-

“Hey, get your head out of the clouds Lilly.” Levi said from beside her. 

“Oh sorry.” Lilly blushed with embarrassment as she returned her focus on their surroundings. 

She felt his hand brush over her lower back lightly before turning away. They must have rode on for another three hours before the reached a remote area with an abandoned barn, deep in the woods. 

“Stop here. We will make camp here for the night. Mikasa, you’re first on look out duty.” 

“Sir.” She answered in a low tone. 

The sun was getting lower and the sky was turning orange and red above the tree line. Lilly walked inside the barn to check the inside out. It was small and definitely old. Parts of the roof and the walls had holes in it. The ground was covered in hay and in one corner there was an old wagon wheel. 

Other than that, nothing was there. 

Lilly heard footsteps behind her and she turned around to see Sasha, Conny, and Jean walking into the barn.

“Wow, What a shit hole. As if the day couldn’t get worse.” Jean said. “At least my head is still on my shoulders, right?” Jean plopped down in the hay. 

“There you go, there’s some optimism.” Conny said as he sat with Sasha. 

Lilly went and poked her head out the barn and saw Levi walking around the area to ensure no one was around. Lilly walked out into the chilly air came up behind him. 

“We should light a small fire. It’s going to get cold tonight.” He said as he turned to her. 

Lilly nodded her head in agreement and turned to look at Armin who was sitting by a tree with his face in his hands. Lilly went to take a step to go comfort him but Levi put his hand on her shoulder and stopped her.

“Just leave him for now.” He said. 

“I’ve never seen him like this.” Lilly said quietly.

“It’s not easy, the first time. Not for everyone.” He said as he started to lead her to the edge of the woods to pick up some fire kindle and sticks. 

Lilly bent over to pick up a stick and then Her stomach growled loudly. She pressed her hand over her stomach and frowned. She hadn’t eaten since that morning and she certainly wouldn’t be eating tonight or even tomorrow morning. 

Levi frowned at her as he picked up some dry leaves. 

“You’re hungry.” He said in a low tone. 

Lilly walked over to a base of a pine tree and picked up some dry pine needles.

“Yes. But I get hungry all the time now. I constantly feel like I’m starving.” She said. 

“It’s because your body needs the nutrients. Hange told me that.” He said as he looked around, appearing to be searching for something. He then stepped towards her and handed her the sticks he had collected. “I’ll be back.” He said as he suddenly started to walk away. 

“L-Levi. Where are you going?” She asked with her arms full of leaves and sticks.

“I’ll be back. Just go bring that shit back inside and start the fire.” He said as he disappeared into the shadows. 

Lilly swallowed as she turned around and then proceeded to the barn. She plopped the sticks and kindling in the dirt and looked down at the rest of the squad. 

“Anyone want to help me start a fire?” Lilly asked. 

“I will.” Jean said as he came over started to go through the kindling. “Can you go get some good sized rocks?” Jean asked. 

“Yeah sure.” Lilly smiled and turned around to exit the barn again.

When she walked out, she saw Armin vomiting by the tree. Mikasa was standing off to the side not far from him, glancing at him every so often. 

Lilly went over to the edge of the woods again and picked up a few big rocks. She cradled them in her arms and sighed softly herself as she turned around.

She had taken human lives too that day. She had killed. But what choice did she have?! Those men would have killed her if given the chance....

Then she heard crunching in the woods coming towards her. She turned back around quickly and took one of the rocks in her hands. 

Then Levi appeared. 

“Easy there.” He said as he observed the big rock in her hand. 

Lilly relaxed and put the rock back in her arm. She looked down at Levi’s hand that he held out to her. 

A handful of blueberries. 

Lilly’s eyes lit up and she dropped the rocks to the ground and reached out for them. 

“Thank you so much!” She said as she popped a few into her mouth.

She savored them slowly as their sweet juices burst in her mouth. He nodded his head and bent over and picked the rocks up for her.

“I couldn’t imagine having to listen to your stomach all night anyways.” He said. 

Lilly smiled at him weakly. 

He reached up brushed her lip with his thumb before kissing her forehead. Lilly sighed against his chest and felt him press his mouth against her temple. 

“I’m so..relieved that you’re okay.” He sighed quietly. 

“You saved me. Us.” Lilly said quietly as she pressed her hand over her abdomen. 

Levi was quiet as he rested his face in her hair.

“The safest place you could be now is with me, but it’s so fucking dangerous at the same time.” He breathed, sounding exhausted.

“I handled my own well today though...I was just so angry..so hurt to see them all ...” Lilly stopped speaking as she remembered Nifa. 

“Anger and revenge are a double edged sword Lilly, just remember that. Remember to carry on their will with a clear mind and unclouded judgement. You’re no use to any of us dead. Especially to me.” He said in a low tone. 

 

......................

 

Later on they were all seated around the warmth of the small fire they had built. Lilly was laying down in the hay, trying to ignore the small hunger still left in her belly. Levi was seated at her feet with a canteen while the others talked quietly amongst themselves.

“Hey, Lilly. Have the rest of this.” He said as he tapped her leg.

She lifted her head to look at him and then felt the small amount of water inside the canteen. 

“But what about you? What will you drink?” Lilly asked. 

“I’ll be fine. We will look for a water source tomorrow.” He said.

Lilly reluctantly brought the water into her mouth, replenishing the moisture that thirst had robbed her mouth of.

Just then Mikasa entered the barn and handed the rifle they’d stolen from an MP over to Sasha.

“Your turn to go on look out.” Mikasa said. 

Sasha nodded and stood up with the rifle over her shoulder and proceeded out the barn quietly. Conny watched her with the same look Levi had often given Lilly. 

Those two were so close now. 

But everyone was in their own ways. Everyone cared for one another. They were all each other had anyways. 

“What’s wrong Armin?” Levi asked.

Everyone turned and looked over to Armin who was looking ill. He sat up straight, obviously uncomfortable with all the eyes on him now. He hadn’t been okay since they left Stohess. 

“This filthy stable making you feel like shit?” Levi asked.

“...No.” Armin answered. “Jean..”

Jean looked up at Armin with a careful expression.

“What?” Jean asked.

Armin stared at the dirt for a minute before speaking.

“There’s something I don’t understand. When I pulled my gun...I thought I’d be too late...I’m sorry but she already had her gun pointed at you. So I can’t stop wondering...why was I able to shoot first?” Armin asked.

Lilly stared up at the hole in the roof as she lie on her back, gazing at the stars that peeked through. She felt Levi lean back on his hands beside her.

“Because she hesitated for a second, right?” Levi asked.

“Huh?” Armin asked.

“Armin, I’m sorry. I should have fired but I couldn’t and now..” Jean began to say.

“So that is what it was. The woman I killed must have been a kind person. She was much more human than me. But I was able to pull the trigger right away. I’m...” 

“Armin.” Levi said.

Armin looked over to Levi with a blank expression lit by the firelight.

“Your hands are already dirty. You can’t go back to the way you were.” Levi said.

Mikasa sat up and glared at Levi.

“Why would you say that to him?!” Mikasa shouted.

“Accept who you’ve become. If your hands were still clean, then Jean probably wouldn’t be sitting here right now.” Levi said, completely ignoring Mikasa.

Armin was quiet as he stared into the dancing red flames.

“You were able to pull the trigger like that because your friend was about to die. You’re smart. You understood then that there was no room for hesitation or compromise. You knew we couldn’t afford to lose anything if we wanted to keep hope alive. You saved us by getting your hands dirty. And I’m grateful.” Levi said.

Everyone was silent. Jean looked guilty for a moment and bowed his head.

“Captain Levi..” Jean said.

Levi turned his head to look at Jean and waited.

“I-I thought your methods were wrong. But I just wanted to think that. I was afraid of having to hurt others. But you weren’t wrong. I was.” Jean looked up with determination. “I promise next time I’ll shoot.” Jean said.

“That’s right. It was your hesitation that put us all in danger.” Levi said.

“I’m sorry.” Jean said and frowned.

Levi was quiet for a moment and shifted his legs.

“But that was then and there. That’s it. I’m not telling you what’s right or wrong. I certainly don’t know what is. Were you really wrong?” Levi asked.

 

................

 

Later that night after everyone had laid down to fall asleep, and the fire was burning low, Lilly was shivering in Levi’s arms. 

He would hold her hands up to his face and huff warm air on her fingers, trying to keep them warm. 

“I’m sorry.” He whispered quietly. 

“Why?” She whispered.

“You’re laying your head on a fucking thin layer of hay, you’re freezing, and hungry. That’s why, Lilly.” He whispered. 

“It’s okay, it’s like camping.” She smiled weakly, trying to reassure him. 

Levi clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes. 

“When this is over, I’ll make it up to you.” He said quietly.

Lilly looked up into his steely orbs and touched his lips. They were cold. 

“We’ll have a home. You’ll never sleep like this again.” He promised quietly. 

“A home?” Lilly whispered.

“Yeah, you know. The things people live in.” He whispered as he kissed her fingertips. 

“Where?” She asked. 

“Wherever you want.” He whispered against her fingers. 

“How?” She asked quietly and curiously. 

“I’ve served the Survey Corps for years now. I have some money put away. Thought about opening a tea shop but fuck it.” He whispered. 

“Really? A tea shop?” She smiled.

“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it for a while now.” He whispered.

Lilly thought for a moment. Her parents ran a shop that was attached to their home. It was easy to run that way.

“What if we just did what my parents did? Have a shop connected to the house?” She whispered. 

Levi was silent for a moment as he gazed at her quietly. 

“Yeah. We will do that.” He said quietly, a rare smile curving on his lips, his eyes lit with hope. 

“And a garden?” She whispered with a smile. 

“Yeah. For all your fucking flowers and shit.” He smirked. 

Lilly chuckled softly as her breath turned to fog in the chilled air.

“I love you.” She whispered. 

He smiled.

“I love you.”


	45. Here at the end of all things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're standing face-to-face  
> With our own human race  
> We commit the sins again  
> And our sons and daughters pay
> 
> Our tainted history  
> Is playing on repeat  
> But we could change it  
> If we stand up strong and take the lead
> 
> When I was younger, I was named  
> A generation unafraid  
> For the heirs to come, be brave
> 
> And meet me on the battlefield  
> Even on the darkest night  
> I will be your sword and shield,  
> Your camouflage, and you will be mine
> 
> Echoes of the shots ring out  
> We may be the first to fall  
> Everything could stay the same  
> Or we could change it all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry it’s taken a bit for an update. I’ve kinda lost a great amount of motivation to write after rereading through my chapters and realizing the things I’ve could of done differently lol. 
> 
>  
> 
> Oh well.

*LEVI POV*

 

The next day Levi had the squad move out deeper into the forest to start scavenging for food and water. They had gone almost an entire 24 hours without food, and the moral was not looking good. 

Surely something had to work out. 

Anything. 

Fucking anything.

Levi pounded the trunk of a tree in frustration with his fists. He gritted his teeth and clenched his eyes shut as his hair fell into his tired face. 

Lilly especially needed to eat something in her condition. 

She had shivered next to him all night long, hardly even slept herself. So they whispered their hopes for the future to each other instead, taking their minds off the reality that they currently laid in. 

It was something he’d never done with anyone ever. Wishing for a future void of turmoil and grief. Void of loss and pain. 

But again, she had changed everything. 

He wanted her. He wanted to talk to her. He wanted to plan with her. He wanted to finally be at peace with her. 

And to share that peace with her. 

That’s why he couldn’t let her go.

That’s why he couldn’t let the piece of him that she carried go. 

He loved ALL of her too much. 

And a child of his own....something he never expected to have. He loved it already. And he’d do anything he could to keep them both safe. 

This had to end.

It had to end now before he lost it. 

He remembered he had whispered to her the night before that a happy life for him would be to live without fear. She had gazed up at him with a warm smile, eyes twinkling. 

“I’ll fight by your side until you find your peace. And when you find it, I’ll be there. I promise.” She had said.

He’d seen her go through hell the past few months. And she had smiled then, promising him she’d gladly go through more hell for him. 

That was love. 

That was all he could see in her eyes, feel on her chilled skin, hear in her weakened voice. 

She deserved peace. 

But before he could give that to her, they’d have to get out of this shit situation first. They’d have to get back on their feet, like the Survey Corps always had in the past, and continue on. 

He paused to rub the back of his neck as the chilly air nipped at his skin. It was cold that day. Leaves were starting to fall, and they sprinkled the forest floor with pops of orange and red. 

“Levi?” Lilly’s voice came from behind him suddenly.

He dropped his fist from the tree trunk and slowly turned to look at her from under his disheveled fringe.

Lilly studied him for a moment with a concerned expression but then inhaled and straightened her posture.

“Word from Conny and Sasha. Two armed MPs are in the area. They should be on top of us soon. What’s your command?” She asked as she stood in the shadow of the big tree that he was standing before. 

Levi paused and thought for a few seconds. Her face was expressionless as she waited for his answer. He glanced down to see the notebook she had carried around was sticking out of her pocket with a couple of leaves poking out of the pages.

“Armin found a stream, yes? Tell him to stay put. I’ll be over there with Mikasa in a minute. Tell the rest of them to wait in the trees.” Levi said in a low tone. 

Lilly bowed her head down respectfully as she backed away and spun on her heel to give his order. 

“Hey. Lilly.” He said, causing her to freeze in her tracks, her back still turned to him. 

“Don’t be so careless with that notebook. It’s practically falling out of your pocket.” He said.

Lilly glanced down at the book and tucked it deeper into her pocket. 

She sighed.

“Thank you.... I would have been upset if I’d dropped it. It’s... for the baby... when they’re older.. I can show them the flowers from the places we’ve been together....someday.” Lilly said quietly.

He watched as she disappeared into the woods without another word. He withdrew his blades and lifted them in the air to inspect them. The perfectly polished metal glistened in the sunlight, and for a second, he caught a glimpse of his reflection.

 

 

He looked like his mother. 

 

 

 

....................

 

 

Not long after, he waited up in a tree with Mikasa. They readied their blades as they kept their eyes on Armin who was filling a bucket at the stream with his hood up. Levi had told him to splash around a little bit to lure the two MPs in, and it appeared to be working. 

They were coming closer.

“Quiet! I hear water!” A female voice sounded from the woods. 

Levi could hear the leaves crunching as the two soldiers drew near. Then he caught vision of them. One male and one female. Then he recognized them. Marlowe and Hitch from Stohess. Marlowe had tipped him and Lilly on Otto. 

And for fucksake, he couldn’t forget that haircut.

Just then, Marlowe and Hitch found Armin.

“Don’t move!” Marlowe ordered with his rifle pointed at Armin.

Armin raised his hands slowly in the air.

“Turn around slowly. You’re with the Survey Corps?” He asked.

Armin didn’t answer. He just scowled at them silently. 

“That’s right, stay nice and silent.” Marlowe ordered. “Just do what I say and it will all be-“

Just then Levi nodded his head at Mikasa to signal to pounce. They jumped down out of the tree and grabbed hold of the two soldiers, which wasn’t difficult whatsoever for him and Mikasa to do. 

Marlowe resisted until Levi held his blade to his throat.

“Nice and slow. Give your guns to them.” Levi ordered as Lilly appeared before Marlowe.

“Lilly?” Marlowe asked in disbelief.

Lilly nodded her head in acknowledgment as she silently took the rifle from him. 

“Don’t make a sound, alright?” Armin asked as he took Hitch’s weapons.

“Leave your uniforms and gear behind. Your boots too.” Levi ordered.

 

They’d be needing those.

 

He could only think of one option that they had left. 

They needed to infiltrate the Military Police Brigade and find out where they took Eren. In any case, they had no time. They needed to force them into a showdown now.

Levi walked past Marlowe and Hitch as he read their badges aloud.

“Looks like the Military Police tradition of leaving all the work to the new recruits is still alive and well.” Levi said as he held his blade over his shoulder. 

Lilly and Mikasa returned just then. Lilly’s pale hair lifted off her shoulders in the breeze, her expression was pensive. 

He’d catch her looking like this often now. Her sometimes appeared to be there but somewhere deep in her mind at once. 

Always thinking.

“We are ready.” Lilly said.

“Alright, the interior brigade should still be on the scene in Stohess District. Capture anyone you think might be an MP and gather clues. When the search effort spreads the MPs too thin, then we make our move. Keep the horses ready to move out at anytime.” Levi ordered.

“Sir.” Mikasa and Lilly nodded.

Levi returned his attention back to Marlowe and Hitch.

“Now then...Marlowe, Hitch. As for you..” 

“Do you know it’s your fault that over a hundred Stohess District citizens are now dead? You probably think you’re heroes or something. But you got all those people killed and ruined their families’ lives.” Hitch snapped.

Just then Levi saw Lilly stop in her tracks out of the side of his eye.

“Yes. I know.” Levi answered.

Hitch seemed taken back by his response, her mouth hung open stupidly, eyes widened. 

“You are all from the southern training corps aren’t you? Just like Annie Leonhart. Were you friends with her?” Hitch asked.

Lilly glanced at Levi in a calm manner as Hitch continued on about her fucked up view of Annie and that mess of a situation. 

“No, I bet she didn’t have any friends right? She was always dark and antisocial. She was like a child afraid to interact with others. Even I didn’t really get the chance to know her. But now I’ll never get the chance to. They didn’t even find her body! Probably because those titans ripped her apart!” Hitch shouted.

Lilly was leaning against a tree now with her arms crossed, listening quietly now. Everyone else was staring at Levi, perhaps wondering when he was going to shut her down and tell her what really happened. 

Then he finally turned and looked at Hitch.

“No. It was because Annie Leonhart was the titan in hiding.” Levi said as he stood before Hitch. “She’s being held right now. But I doubt they’d want fresh recruits to know that.” Levi said.

Hitch and Marlowe looked dumbfounded as they were knelt in the dirt.

“W-What?” Hitch asked in disbelief.

“Hm. Makes me sick. We’re all in the dark when it comes to how this world works. Other than the ones in the very center of course.” Levi said as he glanced down at the two soldiers kneeling down before him.

Lilly was watching him from beside Armin and Mikasa, probably waiting to hear what would become of the two young MPs.

“We will keep you tied up until we’re ready to leave here.. but I promise we will release you then. There’s no way you’d be able to catch up to us after all.” He said. 

Hitch looked down in the grass, devastated.

“Annie?” She whispered to herself.

Levi turned to start walking in the other direction into the shade of the trees.

“Captain Levi.” Marlowe’s voice came from behind him.

Levi turned to glance at him curiously.

“I don’t think what you’re doing is wrong...but did the Survey Corps really murder Reeves company workers? ...regular citizens?” Marlow asked carefully.

Levi was quiet for a minute and then gazed out into the woods, making sure there was no one else hiding in the trees. 

“The boss was killed by the interior MPs. But whoever wins decides what’s in the history books.” He answered in a low tone.

“Then let me help you! I will do anything it takes to right the wrongs of this world!” Marlowe shouted passionately. “If you want to find the interior brigade, let me do it! I’ll be far more effective than your disguised soldiers!” Marlowe added.

Levi glanced at Marlowe.

“The hells wrong with you?” He asked.

“I think we should let him.” Lilly spoke. 

“You can trust him that easily?” He questioned her.

“Can you not hear the genuineness in his voice? Do you not recall Stohess? Marlowe has always been in favor for righteousness.” She spoke as she pushed herself off of the tree to walk towards him in a relaxed manner. 

Levi stared at her and shook his head. 

“No. We can’t take any chances.” Levi glanced down at her with a stern expression.

She put her hands in her pockets and glanced down at Marlow.

“B-but she’s right.” Marlow said frantically.

“No I can’t know whether you’re truly prepared to make the system your enemy. Even if that’s how you really feel now, you might wake up tomorrow not remembering a thing.” Levi said as he started to walk away. 

He couldn’t take any risks. Not now.

“Sasha, tie them up around here. Let’s go.” Levi ordered the rest of them.

Lilly started to walk beside him. He placed his hand on her lower back as she stepped over a tree root.

“Captain! Let me handle this.” Jean said.

Levi turned his head to look at Jean. He studied his face thoroughly. Then he finally nodded. 

“Take care of it.” Levi said in a low tone as he continued to walk beside Lilly.

 

..........

 

*LILLY POV*

 

 

Jean had just ended up testing Marlowe and Hitch who joined their cause after their intentions were proven to be genuine. Lilly was surprised really, she didn’t think Jean had it in him. But she never had a doubt in Marlowe’s intentions. 

He was always a good and genuine man.

Now it was night and the moon was full and huge in the sky. It illuminated the field of grass that they crept in outside a huge base, and it was calming actually.

She’d never seen it this big.

Hopefully it symbolized something good. 

They could use some good luck right about now.

“I’m sure of it. That’s the Interior Brigade Compound. I can’t believe we’re already here. It’s thanks to those two, and you too Jean.” Levi said as he glanced back at Jean.

Levi studied all their faces as he parted the tall grass in front of him.

“Let’s go. This time, we strike first.” Levi said. “Mikasa, you’re with me. Armin and Jean, flank left. Sasha and Conny, flank right. Lilly, stay here.” Levi ordered.

“Sir!” The others said in unison.

“But-“ Lilly began to speak.

“No risks.” Levi said as he stared her down authoritatively. “Not anymore. Stay hidden until I call for you. Ready your blades and stay alert just in case.” He said. 

Lilly slumped back in the grass and remained silent as the rest of the squad moved out. She couldn’t disobey his orders. She really didn’t know if she had much energy to fight right about now anyways. 

It just felt odd to sit back and do nothing.

She’d been included in every mission they’ve been on so far, and now she was sitting back in the grass just watching. This didn’t feel much different from when she was assigned patrol on the walls.

But protecting her child now needed to take priority over the displeasure of having to sit out.

That meant protecting herself. 

She watched as Mikasa followed Levi quickly through the grass until they reached a stack of crates and barrels that they waited behind. Levi waited a moment as he peered over the crate.

“Let’s go.” Levi ordered.

Mikasa nodded.

She watched as Levi and Mikasa jolted out into the open and started their assault on the interior brigade. The men and woman there didn’t seem to be armed, so it wasn’t much of a fight. All of them were down with their legs slashed open, except for one man that Levi had. 

It was safe now.

“Lilly! Come help restrain this prick.” Levi called to her.

She stiffened for a second as she registered that he had left some rope with her. She quickly grabbed it and then darted through the grass. She then got to the man who Levi was holding onto. He appeared to be in his forties maybe, longish black hair and a beard and mustache. He wore a nasty scowl and stared her down as she kneeled down to tie his hands in place behind his back.

 

“Get your hands off me you brat!” The MP hissed at Lilly as she bound his wrists. 

Just then a boot swung around her head and met with the MP’s ear, causing him to fall to the side. 

“Hey. Only I call her that.” Levi said as he strolled around to look at the man. “How about you say something useful. Tell me who here runs this shithole.” Levi said in a peevish tone. 

The man gritted his teeth as he lie on the ground, furious. 

“I do.” He spat. 

“Ah. I need a word with you then, Sir.” Levi said as he crouched down over him. “Hope you don’t mind coming with us for a few minutes.” Levi grabbed the back of the MP’s shirt and hoisted him off the ground. 

Levi held a gun to his back and he pushed him forward.

 

“Squad, back to the hills.” Levi ordered.

 

..........

 

It must have been really late now. It’d been dark for several hours already. Perhaps it was almost morning? A few leaves fell from the tree above her head, twisting in the breeze on their way down. 

Lilly held a torch as she waited against the wagon with Armin and Jean. The two were silent and wore exhausted expressions as they held their rifles. 

They had expected Eren and Historia to be at the compound, but they weren’t. And this tugged heavily at the remaining hope they clung to. 

Things were beginning to feel hopeless. 

Lilly frowned as she placed her hand over her abdomen, a silent apology to her child for the lack of food she’d consumed over the past couple days. She then watched as Levi walked up to the scowling MP who was sitting against the big maple tree with his hands still tightly bound. 

Levi bent over and looked the man in his eyes.

“Nice mustache you have there. Where’s Eren and Krista?” He asked in a low tone. 

“Did you kill my men?” The MP asked.

“Unfortunately for you, they won’t be coming to your rescue. Killing them would have been a bother. So they’ll be off their feet for the time being.” Levi said.

“You think you’re something special? You think cutting down a bunch of unarmed MPs makes you a hero? I think you should know some of the men and women in there were just servants. But you cut them all down with no mercy or remorse.” The man said in a low tone. 

“I see. What a horrible thing we’ve done.” Levi said as he shoved his boot into the MP’s mouth. 

“Mmf!” Blood ran out the corners of his mouth and into his beard as Levi twisted his boot around.

“I feel awful for all of you too. And I feel especially bad about your mouth. I suggest using it while you’re still able to speak.” Levi said. “Where are Krista and Eren?” He asked as he removed his boot from the MP’s mouth. 

Blood ran down the MP’s face. Teeth were now missing and the man fearlessly scowled at Levi as he spit out blood. 

“Useless! It’s useless! No matter what you try to do, the only option the Survey Corps has left is to stay on the run inside the walls! You’re nothing more than a pack of filthy rats now! You’ll be lucky just to survive!” The MP sneered. 

Lilly closed her eyes at the sound of his harsh words.

It was true. 

They’d be lucky if they survived any of this. 

“You’ve even abandoned your comrades! If you don’t surrender, the captured soldiers are all going to hang. Why shouldn’t they? Considering what you’ve done, who’s going to object? And the one on the gallows first’ll be the man most responsible for all of this. You’re leader Erwin Smith.” He snarled.

Lilly looked over to Conny, Sasha and Jean. They looked anxious and uncomfortable as they leaned against the wagon. Mikasa looked unaffected completely. 

“Of course, if you admit to acting on your own and give yourselves up. The lives of your innocent comrades could be spared, at least.” The man spoke again and coughed into his arm.

Lilly watched as Levi stared down at the man blankly.

“Understand Levi? That’s the only option you have left. Use your lives to save theirs. That’s it. I’ll speak on your half. It’ll go better that way.” The MP said as he gazed up at Levi. 

“I’ll pass. You just tell me where Eren and Krista are.” Levi said.

“Huh? So you’re going to watch your comrades die just to live a few days longer? What a strong bond you must have with each other.” The MP scoffed. 

“Well.... Some Survey Corps lives are worth more than others. Only those dumb enough to agree to that join us.” Levi snapped as he grabbed the MP by his hair and slammed his face into the dirt. “Anyway, I doubt the crown would spare the others and throw away this perfect opportunity to exterminate the Survey Corps. This is for not answering my question by the way.” Levi said in an cool tone.

“Agh.” The man groaned as he struggled under Levi’s grip.

“Shut up. Tell me where Eren and Krista are.” Levi demanded. 

“I-I don’t know! They barely tell us anything! I promise! Kenny Ackerman is extremely tight-lipped!” The MP groaned. 

Lilly’s eyes darted up to Levi.

Kenny... Ackerman? 

“Ackerman? That’s the bastard’s last name?” Levi asked.

“Yes, why?” The MP asked.

“I suppose he doesn’t give out many details. Especially the important ones...” Levi glared at the ground. “But you must have an inkling, right?” Levi asked as he pushed the man’s face further against the dirt.

“Stop!” The man groaned.

“You still have a lot of bones left.” Levi said in a low tone.

“You... you’re a mad-man.” The MP said to Levi.

“Maybe.” Levi glared down at him. 

“Someone’s coming from that way!” Sasha shouted as she pointed her arrow to the field. “It’s a group!” 

Lilly and the others dropped to the ground. She grabbed her blades and withdrew them quietly. Levi’s eyes were glued to her for a moment in the darkness before he glanced out from behind the tree. 

“Didn’t I tell you? It’s hopeless. It all is....” The MP snickered. 

Jean glanced at Lilly and swallowed as he aimed his gun towards the direction of the oncoming group. 

“The time has come for you to pay for what you’ve done.” He continued.

Lilly pressed her hand to her stomach one last time as adrenaline started to pump through her veins. The sounds of leaves crunching nearby echoed in the night air. 

“This is the end for the Survey Corps.” The MP said in a grim tone. 

The sound of footsteps got closer and the Lilly heard Sasha exhale in relief.

“It’s Hange.” Sasha said as she lowered her bow.

Lilly sighed and relaxed, slowly putting her blades away with trembling hands. 

“She found us! Thank goodness.” Jean said as he wiped the sweat off his forehead.

“Levi, I’m so glad I found you!” Hange exclaimed. “I have fantastic news. Check this out.” Hange handed Levi a letter and news paper article. 

Lilly came up from behind Levi and placed her hand over his shoulder as she peered over his arm at the paper. Soon the rest of the squad gathered behind him to read the paper.

“The false charges against the Survey Corps are gone. We acted in legitimate self defense. The Royal Capital and the Administrative District Are provisionally under Commander-in-Chief Zackly’s control. The nobles haven’t counter attacked. We’re free now.” Hange said with a proud smile. 

Lilly felt the world fall from her shoulders as everyone cheered around her. Tears fell from her eyes and she quickly tried to wipe them away with her sleeve. Jean lifted her up in the air, and squeezed her.

“No more hiding.” Jean said in a tired voice. 

Lilly watched as Conny and Sasha danced around and shared a uncoordinated kiss.

It was over. It was really over. They didn’t have to hide anymore. 

They had made a huge change in their little world inside the walls. 

She felt a tug in the front of her shirt and then Levi’s lips crashing into hers. 

 

They were free.

 

............

 

*Levi POV*

 

He watched as the rest of the squad had their little celebration under the tree as he stood beside Hange watching them. 

Lilly had light in her eyes again. 

And he’d personally make sure that light never disappeared again.

Levi glanced over to Hange as he continued to watch the others talk and wipe away their tears.

“So, Hange. Tell me what you did to them.” He said quietly.

Hange gave him a smirk and returned her attention the the squad.

“We didn’t do anything. It was everyone’s individual choices that brought change to our world.” She smiled.

Levi glanced down at his feet. 

He had to give credit to those who died in the process. The very ones that died under his command in Stohess. 

“Hange, I’m sorry. Three of the ones you entrusted me with....I let them die...” He said with a frown tugging heavily on his whole expression.

Hange looked down and tried to give him a small reassuring smile.

“Well... at least you neutralized those gun-toting bastards right?” She asked.

His eyebrows furrowed in a sullen fashion as he willed himself to look her in the eyes.

“No.. not all of them. Their leader and his team are off somewhere with Eren and Historia. If we don’t find them soon, this revolution will be derailed...” He said.

By now the rest of the squad had started listening in. All of their eyes locked on He and Hange.

“About that. I just might know where Eren and Historia are. I’m not actually certain.... but I think our only choice is to take our chances with this.” Hange said as she held up a piece of paper. 

 

“We will end this battle there.”


	46. Reiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know you feel like you’ve come too far.  
> But you can always trace your steps back to the start.  
> Tearing down what you had tried to build.  
> Sometimes earthquakes have a chance to kill.

“Eren’s going to be eaten?!” Mikasa exclaimed, both anger and disbelief written on her expression.

Lilly watched as Hange lowered her head and swallowed.

“It’s only speculation based on Reiner and Bertholdt’s words and actions... but it’s more than likely the way for someone to gain Eren’s titan power. I’ll tell you more while we move. But we don’t have time to stand around. Eren could be devoured at any moment.” Hange said calmly.

Lilly’s eyes darted up to Levi who’s expression wasn’t pleased.

“But Lilly...” Levi said.

“We don’t have time to take her back. We will arrange a position for her when we get there.” Hange said as she started to turn around.

Levi was silent for a moment, obviously warring with himself. 

“She doesn’t leave the wagon then.” He finally said.

“If I can be of any help then I will-“

Levi’s head snapped over to her, eyes wide.

“No. You stay in the wagon. You don’t move. That’s an order.” Levi barked. 

Lilly’s eyes widened and she swallowed quietly as the rest of the squad around her stared at her. 

“But if I can help this one last time then let me please! Even if it’s something simple! I’m not helpless!” Lilly exclaimed.

Everyone’s eyes darted over to Levi and he looked like he was going to burst. But he took a deep breath and turned around, lightly rubbing his neck with his fingers. 

“Everyone, let’s move.” Levi said, blatantly ignoring her request.

Lilly’s arms dropped to her sides in defeat as everyone started to move around her to their horses and the wagon. Jean patted her back as he passed by her and gave her a weak smile before throwing his rifle over his shoulder. 

“He’s just trying to keep you safe. That’s all. No one thinks you’re not capable. Remember that.” Jean said before continuing to his horse. 

Lilly followed behind him and sighed.

“I just can’t help but feel useless now. He let me fight in Stohess.” She said. 

“But I’m sure he wasn’t expecting a run-in with Kenny the Ripper either. Look what happened to Captain Levi. He got pretty banged up by him during the ambush. I’ve personally never seen him look so rough after a battle, titan or not. I think at this point he’s just taking precautions.” Jean said quietly. 

“I know I should take care of myself now. But it’s still so new for me. I still feel like a soldier in my heart. I feel like I can still fight and be of use..This is such a sudden change for me... you know?” She said softly.

“I know. But there’s not much you can do about that now. Just trust us. I’m sure if we absolutely need your help, you’ll be asked to. It’s just the few of us after all. Just relax. Alright? Trust him, like you told us to.” Jean said before giving her a brief side hug and a smile. 

“You’re right, thanks Jean.” She gave him a small smile. 

“Hey, I’ll always be here for you. No matter what we go through. Remember that.” Jean said before he hopped up on his horse. 

Lilly hopped into the wagon quietly and took her seat beside Hange who was seated across from Levi and Mikasa. The wagon started to move towards the target location as they sat in silence for a few minutes. 

“What are these barrels for?” Levi asked as he gestured his chin towards several barrels tied to old wagon wheels that were sitting on the bottom of the wagon.

“These bad boys? These are our little presents to Reiss and any MPs that he may have guarding under the chapel. These barrels will release gas that will help make it impossible for those MPs to use those pistols accurately. They can’t get a good aim on us if they can’t see. This will help us get the upper hand hopefully. Just in case they are there anyways.” Hange said. 

“There are likely dozens of armed interior MPs under this chapel. Kenny the Ripper being one of them. And he’ll be the biggest obstacle if he’s there.” Levi said in a low voice, his eyes wearing a grim expression. He looked to Hange and frowned. “Think of him like me, but on the enemy’s side. No...with those weapons, he’ll be even harder to deal with. This gas may help with the others, but Kenny may be another story. He’s clever.” Levi said. 

“Then we can’t possibly beat him.” Sasha frowned.

“And if we wait for the military to arrive...” Conny said.

“We can’t. We can’t waste anymore time.” Lilly said.

“Exactly. If we wait till morning, Eren might get eaten.” Conny said.

“But based on what the Captain said, it doesn’t sound like Kenny is invincible.” Armin said. 

“Really, Armin?” Jean asked.

“Yes, no matter how well-trained he is, if the other day was his first real taste of battle, then we have an edge. But Levi, how is it that you don’t know more about Kenny the Ripper? Didn’t you live with him?” Hange asked.

Lilly glanced over at Levi and watched as he leaned against the side of the wagon and scratched his eyebrow. 

“Sorry, I didn’t even know his name until yesterday. Apparently it’s Ackerman.” Levi glanced over to Mikasa. “Think you’re related?” Levi asked.

Mikasa glanced down at the wooden floor of the wagon and appeared to be thinking deeply, her black hair dangling in her face. 

“When my parents were still alive... they told me that my father’s family, the Ackermans, were persecuted inside the cities. My mother’s family lost their home too, possibly because they were Asian. When my parents met, they’d both been driven deep into the mountains, near the walls. But my father never knew why the Ackerman family was persecuted. He didn’t seem to be a different race like my mother...” Mikasa answered quietly, glancing up to Levi. 

Lilly gazed down at her hands. She’d been lucky to have had lived such an easy life prior to joining the military. Her family had never experienced any kind of persecution, none that she knew of. Her family had lived in Radako for generations, her mother’s mother had only just passed a few years before Lilly had joined the military. Never had they mentioned any tribulations in their lifetime. 

“So you lived alone up in the mountains with your parents?” Lilly asked.

“Yes. Until they were murdered and Eren and Mr. Jaeger found me. Then I lived with them for the remainder of my childhood.” Mikasa answered.

“Oh.” Lilly frowned quietly.

“Mikasa. Did you ever experience a moment in your life when it felt as though a power suddenly awoke inside of you?” Levi asked.

“....yes...I did.” Mikasa answered.

“Kenny Ackerman told me he had a moment like that too. And one day, I had the moment too.” Levi said quietly. 

Lilly glanced up at him with a puzzled expression. Was there something special about the Ackerman bloodline? Like how there was something special about the Reiss bloodline? If Kenny, Levi, and Mikasa were all truly related, was that what made them such great fighters? Their strength was outstanding, not to mention speed. You wouldn’t expect Levi to be as strong as he was just by looking at him. It wasn’t until you pinned underneath his solid body that you could fully comprehend his strength. And if this was the case, if the Ackerman’s had some kind of genetic superiority when it came to strength and combat, then why were they persecuted? 

Wouldn’t they need these types of people on their side against the titans? 

“We’re going to need all hands on deck to get through them Levi.” Hange said with a slight frown. 

Levi gave Hange a deadly glare. 

“All the skill we can get.” Hange looked over to Lilly.

“Hange. You don’t understand. Kenny will do and say whatever he can to get us to falter. Even if that means getting to me personally. I won’t allow her to be in that position again.” Levi said.

“Then she will stand watch, and she will be completely armed. If it comes to her taking down anyone who tries to enter or leave the chapel, she will. We can’t just have Marlowe and Hitch on guard. No offense you two, but I need someone who knows how to fight well on watch as well. It’s an important job. We can’t have anymore MPs leaking in, nor leaking out to get back up.” Hange said before turning her face back to Levi. “This isn’t going to be a walk in the park. You know it.” Hange said in a serious tone. 

Levi shifted in his seat and ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. 

“If anything happens to her-“

“Stop talking about me like I’m not here. I can handle myself, and I could handle those MPs under the chapel if I was allowed to. I was fine in Stohess. I was fine on the expeditions. So why do you continue to underestimate me?” Lilly finally snapped.

Everyone stared at her in shock.

Levi was taken back and just stared at her. Hange cleared her throat quietly beside her. 

“It’s like you said. If we don’t get Eren back, then the revolution is all for nothing. This world would only be just as safe as it was before. I can still fight. I’m not handicapped. I’m not incapable. Let me lend humanity my strength and skill! Even if it’s standing watch with these two.” She said with fire in her voice, pointing her thumb to Hitch and Marlowe who were riding beside the wagon.

Levi stared at her.

“You stand watch. You don’t enter the Chapel. That is all I grant you permission to do.” 

Lilly leaned back in her seat and stared at the floor of the wagon. 

“Thank you.” She said.

Levi didn’t answer. 

 

Silence filled the night air as they continued to ride onward towards the chapel, where many unknowns were waiting.

 

................

 

Lilly stood before the old stone chapel in full ODM gear. The building was dark and gloomy, and Lilly could almost feel the sorrow and terror that must have took place on the land. 

“Here it is.” Hange said as she passed Lilly.

“Be on guard.” Levi ordered them as they carried the barrels into the chapel.

Once inside, it appeared to be like any other chapel. 

Aside from the overbearing feeling of darkness that loomed over her head. 

She watched as Levi walked over the floor and then stood over a rug. The floorboards creaked under his foot and he glanced down. He then moved the rug with his boot and revealed a secret door.

“A secret door. Eren and our enemies must be on the other side. I just hope the layout is close to what I predicted.” Hange said.

Just then Armin walked in and stood before Levi and Hange.

“Preparations complete.” Armin said.

“I see. All right, everyone... ready to get your hands dirty?” Levi asked as his eyes wandered over all of their faces, finally resting on Lilly’s. “Lilly, go outside with Hitch and Marlow.” Levi ordered.

Lilly stared at him and nodded her head reluctantly as she turned around to exit the chapel without a word.

“Do not leave your post.” Levi’s voice added behind her as she shut the door. 

 

...........

 

Lilly stood beside Marlowe as they looked out into the surrounding forest. They could hear booms, muffled screams and curses from under ground as the stood warily on watch. 

“Hey, I wanted to thank you for earlier. For sticking up for me.” Marlowe said quietly.

Lilly nodded her head quietly as she watched the tree line. Marlowe cleared his throat awkwardly and then sighed.

“....So what’s your deal. Why did Captain Levi seem so set on you staying behind. It seemed like no one wanted to say exactly what it was.” Marlowe said quietly. 

Lilly continued to stare forward with a serious expression without answering him. She didn’t need to get into her personal business with them right now.

“Sorry, I’m not trying to pry...” He said awkwardly as he shifted his weight on his feet.

“I think I heard what it was.” Hitch said as her eyes dug into Lilly.

“You and the Captain were hooking up, right? And there was a bit of an accident, right?” Hitch’s eyes continued to bore into Lilly. “You’re pregnant. That’s why he doesn’t want you down there with the rest of them.” Hitch said. 

Lilly continued to glare out into the woods with an annoyed expression.

Why did she care to know. It wasn’t any of her damn business. 

“Hitch, lay off. She obviously doesn’t want to talk about it.” Marlowe said.

“I don’t see why you don’t go down there anyways. By the way Hange was talking about you, she made it seem you were a valuable asset to the Levi Squad. I’ve heard about you before. About your maneuvering skills specifically. Why don’t you go put them to use.” Hitch said. 

“I was ordered to stay here.” Lilly said in a low tone.

“Come on Hitch. You’re not offended that Hange didn’t want us alone out here, are you? Why are you trying to egg her on? It’s true. We’ve been working in Stohess with hardly any experience in this type of thing. Lilly has experience. This is the best position for her without being in direct danger, just like the Captain ordered.” Marlowe said.

Just then she heard footsteps coming up the chapel stairs at a quick rate. 

“Someone’s coming. Get ready you two.” Lilly ordered as she withdrew her blades. 

Just then the chapel door opened and two interior MPs ran out.

“Shit, this is bad!” One of the men shouted.

Lilly ran out after them through the grass. One turned around to aim his gun at her, but she quickly shot her anchor into his face. He dropped to the ground with a thud and Lilly retracted her bloodied anchor back and continued to run after the second MP.

“Shit, they had more outside.” He muttered to himself.

“Quit running. I’m going to catch you either way.” Lilly said.

The MP used his maneuvering gear to launch himself into the trees and Lilly followed suit as she propelled into the air. 

“Get lost, Bitch!” The man shouted back at her. 

Lilly smirked as she maneuvered through the trees behind him.

“You’re not thinking about going and getting help, are you?” Lilly said in a low tone. 

Just then he turned around and aimed both guns at her. Lilly launched herself upwards higher into the trees to avoid his fire and sat in a branch over his head where he couldn’t see her. 

These MPs could only fire in the direction they were maneuvering in. Her best option was to get him from behind, or surprise him from overhead. She’d have to use the leaves and darkness as cover to get to him. 

He stood in a lower branch, looking around him cautiously.

“Come on girly. Not so scary now, are ya. Come on out!” He sneered. 

Lilly rolled her eyes as she looked down on him. 

“You Survey Corps brats will all rot behind bars. Your end is inevitable!” He shouted into the darkness.

Lilly aimed her anchor to the branch beside the MP’s foot and then launched it. She then launched the other one into his thigh and he let out a scream. He frantically fired two rounds in the air, missing her. He wouldn’t be able to fire again without reloading. 

 

She wound up her arms, and slashed down into his back, splattering crimson droplets in the cool night air. 

 

...........

 

Lilly returned back to the chapel where Marlowe and Hitch had taken down one other MP. 

Lilly glanced down at the woman’s body.

She’d been shot in the head.

Marlowe’s hands were shaking, and he was leaning against the stone wall of chapel in shock.

“I killed her...” He said in an uneven voice.

“Y-you had to... you saved my life...” Hitch said. 

“B-but...” Marlowe couldn’t finish his sentence. 

He was having a hard time handling his first kill. From what she could gather, it seemed a similar thing had occurred like Jean and Armin back in Stohess.

Lilly walked over to him and placed her hand on his shoulder and looked into his brown eyes. 

“You did what you had to. She would have killed Hitch, then you, and then she would have tried to go get back up. If that happened, that would have cost us everything.” Lilly said quietly. 

Marlowe stared at her with a puzzled expression, wonder in his eyes.

“How did you do it? You made it look so easy. You took that guy’s life like it was nothing.” He said quietly.

Lilly frowned.

“That’s not the case. It’s not easy. It never is. But I’ve come to terms with what I desire most. And I’ll tell you what that is. I desire for this world to no longer be corrupt. I desire a world without titans keeping us trapped here in these walls, tearing apart numerous families and lives. That’s something I’ve always wanted, but even more so now that I’m bringing an innocent child into the world. Because of the way this messed up word is, I’ve watched countless comrades die before my own eyes. My parents are gone now too. THAT eats at me. It STILL eats at me. But I can’t make this world change unless we take down whatever is in our way. Whoever wants to stop that from happening. It’s simple when it comes down to it. It’s kill or be killed by those who want to withhold humanity’s freedom, peace, and progression. Now that I’m carrying a child, the choice is more clear to me. My motives are stronger. My passion is fueled the fullest. It’s quite ironic really, that now I feel the strongest and most useful, when in reality I should be out of sight.” Lilly looked away. “But I’m not like most girls. I never was.” Lilly looked Marlowe back in the eyes. “But as for you, you did the right thing. You have a good heart, and good motives. You took a life yes, but they were fully ready to take yours without a second thought and continue working towards keeping us in this nightmare. Remember that.” Lilly said as she backed away. 

Just then a rumble under their feet shook the ground.

“Sounds like things are getting serious under there, don’t they?” Hitch asked.

Just then part of the ground started to cave in under the chapel, and Lilly grabbed both Marlowe and Hitch by their arms and ran with them to the tree line. The church started to crumble and fall into the crevice and burning hot steam poured out from the ground and into the star filled sky.

“What the hell is going on in there?!” Marlowe shouted. 

Then they heard Eren’s titan scream.

“Eren! Somethings wrong!” Lilly shouted. 

The ground was crumbling and caving in.

They were all going to get killed in there.

Lilly’s heart started to race as she started to run to the edge of the crevice to see if she could peer in and get view of her squad. If she could somehow maneuver her way in there and help them...

She couldn’t let them all be crushed to death.

Levi’s face flashed in her mind and her heart sank. 

Just then, the unthinkable happened.

A giant titan started to rise out of the crevice. First it’s large head, then it’s shoulders and chest. It was the biggest one she’d ever seen. It was probably twice the size of the colossal titan, and it was so hot that all the trees around it were catching fire. 

If anything looked like it came from the depths of hell, it was this titan. 

The steam from it threw Lilly through the air and into a tree. Her body got caught in the branches, and she held on to it for dear life. The steam and wind subsided as the titan began to crawl in the opposite direction towards Orvud District. It was being attracted by the high concentration of people and it was moving fast for dragging itself across the ground.

Just then Marlowe and a Hitch ran up to the tree Lilly was in and looked up at her.

“Lilly! Are you okay?!” Marlowe shouted.

Lilly started to climb down the tree and then ran past Marlowe and Hitch towards the crevice.

“Where are they? My squad!”

Her eyes searched and searched.

“Fuck.” Lilly breathed, holding back tears as extreme worry tore through her. “Look for them!” Lilly ordered Hitch and Marlowe.

They stared at her with hopeless expressions.

“Don’t just stand there! Look for them!” Lilly said as she started to run alongside of the crevice.

She ran all the way to the other side and then she heard voices. She stopped in her tracks and then looked to her side. Another smaller hole in the ground was there and there was an anchor stuck in the edge of it. She felt her heart rise in her chest as she made her way in a hurry to the opening and peered down into it. 

Armin was almost out and he gazed up at her with big blue eyes.

“L-Lilly.” He stuttered as he climbed out. 

“Are you all okay?!” Lilly asked frantically.

“Hange was injured. But she’s going to be okay.” Armin said.

Lilly gazed down as Eren climbed out next. 

He looked rough, but he was alright.

She let out a sigh of relief. 

“What happened? What about the titan?” Eren asked.

Lilly, Armin, and Eren watched as the titan continued to drag itself away, leaving an enormous trail behind. 

“It’s headed North towards Orvud District.” Lilly breathed. 

Historia, Conny, and Sasha climbed out behind them as they watched the titan crawl in the distance.

“How are we to defeat this thing? It’s too hot to get close and strike the nape. Look at the trees burn around it...” Lilly said. 

“It’s true, this is unlike anything we’ve been faced with before.” Armin said quietly. 

“It’s ignoring nearby humans. Well, us. It rose out of the ground before me and blew me away, but it didn’t go after me.” Lilly said.

Jean appeared beside Lilly looking beat. 

“Then it’s an abnormal? Glad you’re okay by the way.” Jean said.

“If it’s not being controlled by the former will of a human, then yes.” Armin said.

Just then Lilly heard something behind her.

Conny and Sasha were helping carry Hange up out of the opening and then they laid her on her back. Lilly slowly walked over to her and frowned as she looked down at her. Her arm appeared to be broken, but she looked like she’d recover just fine. 

“Heya Lilly.” Hange gave her a small smile.

“Hey Hange, you Alright?” Lilly asked.

“Yeah, just a broken arm, probably a few banged up ribs. But I’ll be alright.” Hange smiled reassuringly.

Then Lilly saw a familiar hand come up out of the ground where they had crawled out of. 

She froze as Levi pulled himself out of the hole and sat on the edge. He glanced over at her and she instantly threw herself into his arms. She felt him bury his face in her neck, blood from his face transferring to her skin. 

“I’m so glad you’re okay.” She said softly as she felt his strong arms around her. “I thought you had died in there.” She whispered into his hair.

“I’m relieved to see you’re okay too. I’m sorry... I wasn’t expecting a giant fucking titan to come bursting out of the ground on you..” He said as he pulled away to look at her. “Your hair is fried on the ends.” He said as he lifted her long hair between them. 

Lilly immediately frowned.

“God Dammit!” She exclaimed as she observed her hair. She met his steely gaze once more. “The titan’s steam blew us back. The steam is unlike anything I’ve seen or felt on another titan.” Lilly said as she watched the steam billowing in the sky. 

“We are going after that titan.” Levi said before he began to stand with Lilly. “The interior squad could be anywhere. Stay on guard.” Levi said.

“W-was Kenny there?” Lilly asked as they others went to retrieve the wagon out of the woods.

“He was. But he got away.” Levi answered as he looked around, pulling Lilly closer in front of him. “You’re not hurt are you? Did anyone leave the chapel?” He asked, looking deeply into her eyes.

“No I’m fine, my face is a little tender from the steam but I’m okay. Three MPs left the chapel, I’ll handled the first two. Hitch and Marlowe got the last one.” She said. 

“Good work. I’m sorry that you had to get dragged into-“

“Captain! The wagon and horses are ready to go!” Jean shouted, cutting Levi’s sentence off.

“Okay. Let’s get Hange in there and move!” Levi ordered as he began to walk towards the horses. 

Lilly got into the wagon and sat beside Hange to make sure she was comfortable. Lilly removed her cloak and made a small pillow for Hange’s head so she wouldn’t be uncomfortable when they went over any bumps. 

Eren and Historia sat across from her with sullen expressions as they rode towards Orvud. Levi rode his horse on Lilly’s side of the wagon.

“Um so....Say we call the power inside of Eren the Progenitor titan...However even if a Reiss gains it’s power they’ll be controlled by the first king’s ideology which won’t let them free humanity from the titans.” Hange started to speak. Then she chuckled to herself. “Huh, that’s pretty interesting. So the first king would call THIS true peace? What a funny way to look at things.” Hange said as she lay on the floor of the wagon.

“So that means we still have options.” Historia said.

“If I let that titan eat me, then Rod Reiss will go back to being a human. We can still bring back a full progenitor titan.” Eren said.

“Wait. That titan is Rod Reiss?” Lilly asked.

“Yes.” Levi answered. It does seem if Rod Reiss turns back into a human and if we could successfully restrain him and undo the first king’s brainwashing, that could be a way to save humanity...but are you saying you’re prepared to do that?” Levi asked Eren from his horse as they rode forward.

“Yes.” Eren answered with a serious expression.

Lilly frowned at Eren, his green eyes meeting hers.

“Eren, I can’t let you.” Mikasa said from her horse.

“We have one other option.” Historia said.

“First off there are a lot of problems with this plan of turning Rod Reiss into the progenitor titan. You talk about undoing the brainwashing, but the Reiss family has apparently tried to do that for decades and failed. And once he gets that power, you won’t be able to restrain him if he can alter humanity’s memories. We should also assume that there are other factors we can’t see from our position. In fact, these circumstances could be the only hope humanity has. The progenitor titan has been taken away from the people who would use it to propagate their ruinous ideas about peace. Eren, your father was trying to save humanity from the first king.” Historia said.

“That’s right. There’s no way Mr. Jaeger would have done something like that without good reason.” Armin said.

“There has to be a way to save humanity without the Reiss family’s blood. That’s why he entrusted you with the key to the basement.” Mikasa said. 

“I agree with that option too. But are you sure, Historia? We can’t just let a titan that size roam around within the walls. We are going to have to kill your father.” Hange said.

Just then they saw Commander Erwin with a group of Scouts riding towards the titan. 

“There’s the Commander!” Marlowe shouted.

Eren stood up and started punching the air, trying to get the titan to halt as he did before. But it wasn’t working.

“Stop!” Eren shouted as he threw a punch. 

Hange sat up to peer out of the wagon.

“Hm. He’s not reacting.” Hange said. 

Eren threw yet another punch.

“Yeah you! Rod Reiss! Stop you tiny old man!” Eren shouted and then froze.

Lilly smirked at Levi who was watching Eren. Levi then looked at her and rolled his eyes before looking away again. 

“Levi! Is that you?” Erwin called as he started to approach.

“Eh. Levi, as a reminder...I still haven’t told Erwin about the whole um.. situation with Lilly.” Hange said quietly.

Levi’s eyes widened as he turned his head to look at Erwin.

“Why not?” Lilly whispered.

“I just didn’t get the chance with all of the urgency, and then he was taken into custody.” Hange explained quietly. “So Levi is going to have to tell him himself.” Hange said.

“Yeah, it’s me.” Levi answered Erwin.

“Is anyone hurt?” Erwin asked as he got closer.

“Just Hange.” Levi answered.

“Heya Erwin!” Hange shouted as she lifted herself up to wave at him.

“Doesn’t look too bad. Good work, all of you.” Erwin said.

“Eren’s scream isn’t working. I have a long list of things to tell you.” Levi said as he glanced over to Lilly quickly. “But first-“

“What about that titan?” Erwin asked.

“That’s Rod Reiss.” Levi spoke.

 

“I think we need to ask your opinion Commander.” Levi said in a serious tone.


	47. Sasageyo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No fair.
> 
> You really know how to make me cry when you give me those ocean eyes.

 

 

Lilly stood at the top of the wall of Orvud District.

 

She gazed out warily at the creature as it approached in the distance, trailing thick white steam clouds behind it. This thing was definitely an abnormal that was attracted by large amounts of people in one area.

 

Normally, they’d evacuate all people from the district. A titan invasion within a District like in Trost and in Shiganshina were reasonable cause to move people out, and as long as the inner gate wasn’t breached, then the titans would remain inside the district and not enter the main wall.

 

But this was different.

 

This titan could potentially climb right over the wall due to its height.

 

And if it was going to follow the flow of people into Wall Sina, then it’d eventually reach the capital. But if they could manage to keep it’s focus on Orvud District where they had cannons mounted, they’d have a better chance of destroying this thing.

 

And that meant keeping the civilians within the District for as long as possible.

 

The closest thing they could do for an evacuation was to move all the civilians to the inner gate where they could easily escape if this titan did bust through the outer wall.

 

So this is what they did.

 

Garrison soldiers were scrambling to get citizens out to the inner gate while the scouts readied for battle.

 

Levi appeared beside Lilly quietly. He stood straight and clicked his tongue as someone bumped into him as they passed by with a barrel of cannon balls.

 

“Sorry Captain Levi!” The Garrison soldier called back.

 

Levi didn’t respond as he set his gaze on Lilly.

 

“This thing is moving fast.” She said as she looked ahead at the horizon. “It will be here soon.” She met his gaze with a sullen expression.

 

Levi started at her for a moment, before he started to speak.

 

“Lilly, I want you to-.”

 

Just then the booming of a round of cannons went off. The cannon balls collided into the enormous slithering titan, doing minimal damage.

 

Then Commander Erwin appeared behind them, his arms crossed over his chest. He wore a grim expression on his face with his thick eyebrows knitted together tightly.

 

“How’d he like that?” The blonde asked.

 

“The ground cannons seem to have less of an effect. The cannons on the wall have a much better angle, and they didn’t do shit.” Levi said as he frowned. “Not to mention, this is the interior on the north side. The defense isn’t going to be like the Wall Rose garrison on the southern front.” Levi added as he adjusted his ODM chest strap, making sure it was tightened.

 

“Erwin! I got it! All the gunpowder, ropes and net that I could get! The barrels are still being hoisted up on the pulley but we can start putting the net together.” Hange shouted as she approached them. “But we have to hurry.” She said as she stood before them catching her breath.

 

Her broken arm was now in a white cotton sling around her neck.

 

“How’s the shelling going?” Hange asked as she glanced out in the distance.

 

“About as well as a swarm of cicadas pissing on it.” Levi muttered as he turned his attention to Lilly. “As much as I don’t want you here right now, I need you to help tie the net for those barrels. We don’t have much time and we need all hands on deck to get it done quickly. When you’re finished, you will go to the inner gate with the rest of the civilians and evacuate if it comes down to it. Do I make myself clear?” Levi asked in a grave tone to her, his eyes drilling into her own.

 

“But-“

 

“Why? What’s the problem? I don’t remember okaying that call Levi.” Erwin said from behind them.

 

Erwin stepped towards them to study their faces carefully. Lilly felt her face turn pink as she rubbed her arm nervously. She imagined this would be how it would feel if she were to have told her father she had been accidentally knocked up by some young man before she was married.

 

And what a unfitting time for the truth to be told.

 

Levi froze with his back to him, his fingers tightening.

 

Hange turned around on her heel and slowly crept away over to the net.

 

Erwin watched her suspiciously before setting his eyes back on Levi.

 

“Levi? We will need her help other than the construction of the net. After Eren lodges the barrels into this thing’s throat, it’s going to blow. We need our best soldiers to make sure Reiss is dealt with once and for all. We can’t risk missing him and having him regenerate.” Erwin said, his eyes switching between the back of Levis head and Lilly’s expression still.

 

“Look Erwin. She can’t.” Levi said. “She can’t because she’s pregnant.” Levi said in a blunt tone, turning to face him slowly.

 

Erwin’s eyes widened as he turned his head to look at Lilly who’s face was burning red now. She looked down with a guilty expression and kept her mouth tightly shut.

 

Erwin’s chest rose and fell quietly as he took in a frustrated breath. He closed his eyes briefly, clearly trying to swallow the sudden set back. He opened his eyes to meet Levi’s once more, his body remaining tense.

 

“I see.... How long have you known?” Erwin finally spoke.

 

“Two weeks.” Levi answered simply as he looked Erwin in the eyes.

 

“Not very good timing Levi.” Erwin said as he glanced over at the others tying the net. “I’m disappointed in you. I was sure you’d be the last person to impregnate one of my top ranking soldiers.” Erwin frowned.

 

A brief flicker in Levi’s eyes gave away that it wasn’t easy to hear that he’d disappointed Erwin. She knew the relationship they had. Levi and Erwin had a strong trust that had been built between them. And Levi was always extremely obedient to Erwin out of that trust and respect.

 

Maybe this felt like he was telling his own father too, in some sort of way.

 

“I-I understand that. But It wasn’t intentional.” Levi answered as he met Erwin’s displeased blue eyes.

 

“I would hope not, Levi. You do understand that in this dire situation, we can’t go without anyone’s help. I’ll allow her to retreat to the inner gate after that net is tied. That appears to be our last hope of stopping that titan and protecting humanity from the very real threat of extinction, which is our number one priority over anything else.” Erwin said sternly.

 

“Sir.” Levi answered.

 

“Lilly, I trust that you will move quickly and efficiently. We will discuss the details of your family leave at a later time. Go.” Erwin ordered.

 

Lilly’s eyes widened at the sudden instruction.

 

“Y-yes Sir!” She responded before glancing over to Levi.

 

“And Levi.” Erwin said as he began to walk by Levi.

 

Levi glanced up at Erwin with a blank expression, waiting for him to speak.

 

“Sir?”

 

“Congratulations.” Erwin said as he put his hand on Levi’s shoulder briefly before heading towards the artillery post.

 

Lilly gave Levi a small reassuring smile before reaching out for his hand. She took it for a second as he gazed into her eyes with uncertainty before letting it slide from hers.

 

“It’s going to be okay.” She said softly as she kissed his reddened cheek.

 

He reached up and touched where her lips had been and nodded at her with a more confident expression.

 

“Just hurry so you can get to that gate as soon as possible.” Levi said as he started to turn away.

 

“On it.” She answered obediently.

 

She then pivoted on her heel to go tie the net with the rest of the squad.

 

Once at the net, she took a spot in the corner where no one was currently working on and started tying the ropes. Hange walked behind Moblit as he started to stack the barrels of gunpowder in the center of the net.

 

“Yes, that’s perfect! Stack them by three!” Hange exclaimed as she adjusted her glasses with her good hand.

 

Lilly continued to tie as fast as she could, every so often glancing up to check on the progress of the net on the other side where Mikasa and Eren were working. Sasha and Conny were carrying more barrels to the center of the net as fast as they could as Jean came over with more rope.

 

This thing was starting to come together now.

 

Just then she felt the wall shake and the cannons go off.

 

“Alright! The flesh has been blown off it’s neck!” A soldier shouted.

 

Lilly peaked over the edge and just then the wind’s direction changed, causing all of the scalding hot steam from the titan to blow up and over them.

 

She winced as her skin started to burn up and she fell back on her rear. She buried her face in the pit of her elbow as her hair blew backwards in the wind.

 

This wasn’t good. The titan was at the wall. She needed to tie just a couple more knots.

 

Just a couple more.

 

Lilly turned her back to the steam and picked up the ropes in her hands again despite her back pricking with heat.

 

“Ahh! Hot!” Sasha yelled as she blocked her face.

 

Conny held her in his chest to block her face as he buried his in her brunette hair.

 

“Almost there...” Lilly whispered to herself as her forehead began to sweat.

 

Her knuckles began to burn with the heat as she continued to tie the rough fibers in her hands. She grunted as she finished tying the last knot and fell back on her rear, trying to catch her breath in the thick steam.

 

Suddenly Lilly felt a strong tug of the back of her shirt and felt herself get hoisted to her feet. Levi was holding her and blocking his face with his arm.

 

“Dammit. This is fucking bad.” He cursed as his body tensed around her.

 

“What if the barrels go off now because of the heat?!” Lilly asked into his shoulder.

 

“Captain! We can’t see anything!” A soldier shouted from the cannons.

 

“Directly below! Fire!” The Garrison Captain shouted.

 

Steam continued to billow up over them, making the air hot and painful to breathe in.

 

“We’re too late.” Erwin said as he glared down at the titan.

 

Levi grabbed her hand and tugged her over to a barrel of cold water and dumped it on her before he dumped it on himself. The other soldiers started to do the same around them.

 

She shivered as water dripped down her face.

 

Levi pulled her to look him in the eyes as water continued to trail down her face and hair. His grip on her wrist was tight, his fingers digging into her arm. Her eyes darted between his icy orbs as they bore into her with a pained expression.

 

“Run. Run as fast as you fucking can. Get out of here before shit gets worse.” He said before pressing a kiss to her forehead.

 

He then released her wrist and pushed her away from him.

 

She stumbled back before catching her footing again while staring at him with fear in her eyes.

 

“Levi, I don’t want to leave you like this. Not right now..” Lilly’s eyes filled up with tears.

 

“Go!” He shouted, pain and frustration underlying in his tone.

 

Lilly swallowed and turned on her heel to start running in the other direction. She ran as fast as she could over the top of the wall. She was almost at the pulley station where the gunpowder barrels had been lifted up at when suddenly a giant red hand rose up out of the billowing hot steam.

 

Lilly skidded to a halt, and reached down for her ODM triggers to get herself off the wall.

 

Just as she withdrew her blades to access the triggering system, the giant hand came crashing down a few meters before her, causing the gunpowder barrels to explode on impact.

 

Shrapnel and shards of wall burst, sending her flying backwards through the air.

 

A scream of agony ripped through her throat as she felt something pierce her side before she finally hit the wall, tumbling backwards onto her back.

 

Her skull smacked the stone, and her eyes were set to the skies.

 

She heard screaming from behind her, followed by more cannon fire as she stared up at the sky in a daze. Her head was pounding and her spine and shoulder blades felt like they were digging into the stone. Her ears were ringing and everything started to spin. She tried to look up, keep her focus up as she tried to will her body to move, but she could only twitch her fingers.

 

She heard him screaming.

 

He sounded like he was in agony.

 

But she couldn’t move.

 

She felt herself daring to fade out of consciousness.

 

She needed to stay awake now, until someone could find her. So she continued to set her eyes towards the sky.

 

_The sky._

_The sky._

_The sky._

 

She tried to keep her focus on it.

 

It shouldn’t have been hard, right?

 

It’s what she’d always done, right?

 

Laying in the grass, head in clouds.

 

But why was it so hard now?

 

Her body was crying, begging her to give up.

 

She continued to fight to keep her eyes open.

 

_The sky._

 

It was so blue.

 

But her eyes were getting heavy.

 

_The sky!_

 

There were no sign of any birds.

 

But her body was getting weak.

 

_Dammit!_

_The sky! The sky! The sky!_

 

It was always like that wasn’t it?

 

Focusing on being anywhere but where she actually was. Always reaching for whatever was above her, trying to climb out of the pit she always found herself in.

 

Maybe that was selfish and ungrateful of her.

 

What was that saying?

 

The grass is always greener?

 

But what if, for just this once, she stayed put?

 

What if, just this once, she closed her eyes?

 

And she just gave in?

 

The wind howled over the wall.

 

She closed her eyes, and felt cold air nipping at her still drenched body.

 

She felt like she was going to drift away.

 

Like the wind would carry her away off the wall.

 

Then she heard him yelling again. His voice. She wanted to see him. She needed to see him.

 

She forced open her eyes.

 

She winced as as tried to lift her head up off the stone. She felt the horrifying sensation of her own warm blood leaving her side. She reached down to touch it, and when she lifted her hand up before her face, it was covered in blood.

 

Then she heard footsteps running towards her.

 

She tilted her head so that her ear was flat against the icy stone, her eyes set on the blurry form approaching her.

 

“Lilly!” Levi screamed.

 

“Levi.” It came out in a raspy whisper.

 

“N-no. Fuck!” Levi kneeled down beside her, his eyes wide with disbelief.

 

“L-Levi. I’m sorry.” She said.

 

“No. You’re okay, you’re going to be okay.” Levi said as he lifted her shirt to look at her wound.

 

He winced. His hands were covered in her blood when he lifted them.

 

He looked down at his hands with horror.

 

A small pained breath left his trembling lips.

 

He tore his drenched cloak from his body and pressed it against her side.

 

“Shit!” He cursed through his teeth as his damp hair dangled in his eyes.

 

Jean appeared beside him and was frowning down at her, tears in his eyes.

 

“L-lilly..” Jean whispered.

 

“We have to stop the bleeding!” Levi shouted frantically.

 

“Captain, she’s-.” Jean said as he held her hand.

 

“No, we can stop it!” Levi said as he frantically tried to press his cape over her wound.

 

Lilly flinched and started to cough. She turned her head to the side and blood left her mouth.

 

Tears welled up in her eyes as she became more afraid, and she began to tremble.

 

She felt Levi take her in his strong arms and he held her head up.

 

“No. I forbid you to fall asleep. Do you hear me? Jean, get Hange! Get someone from medical! Get anyone who knows what the hell they’re doing!” Levi shouted.

 

“Sir.” Jean said reluctantly as left her side.

 

“Levi, I’m going to die, aren’t I?” She asked as she gazed up into his pained eyes.

 

He just stared at her. Tears swelled in his eyes and he pulled her in closer against his chest.

 

“No. No you’re going to live.” He said.

 

“I’m so cold.” She said.

 

“Someone’s coming. Stay awake.” He said as he held her trembling hands.

 

He pressed his lips to her forehead and she felt his body shudder.

 

“I can’t.” She said.

 

“You will!” He said.

 

“I didn’t think it was this easy....... it just feels like I’m slipping.....” She said as a tear left her eye.

 

Fear took over her as the reality that this was it set in. She’d never seen Levi cry, and he was trying hard to hold it together as he held her.

 

Levi’s eyes became wide and the tears finally left them. They slid down his cheeks and dripped off his face.

 

They told her the truth.

 

Years worth of tears.

 

“Don’t cry....” She said softly.

 

“I’m so sorry.” He cried into her hair.

 

“I’m not going to meet the baby now.” She whispered.

 

“No you will. We will. Hange is coming, I can see her. Hang on!” He said as he held her up.

 

She started to close her eyes and remembered her parent’s faces. She remembered laying in the grass field as her mother called out for her. She remembered the kitchen and the smells of the soaps and the herbs. The way the wind would blow the herbs as they dangled from the porch.

 

She remembered her journey through Training Corps, and all the friends she made along the way. She remembered sitting in trees with April. How they’d lay in each others bunks late at night and share secrets.

 

She remembered meeting Levi, and the way he had looked standing out in that clearing during training.

 

The flowers.

 

Surrounded by flowers.

 

All the flowers dancing in the wind.

 

She remembered seeing Levi alive after the 57th expedition, and the first kiss they’d shared. She remembered the conversations she had with him while they shared her mother’s ever comforting blend of tea.

 

She remembered how’d they’d goof off when they were alone, teasing each other relentlessly.

 

And they’d laugh.

 

She’d laugh harder than she ever had before.

 

She remembered the first time they were intimate, and they way he touched her like she could break under his fingertips.

 

Not much different from how he was touching her now.

 

“No stay awake. Talk to me. Hear my voice Lilly? Remember the tea shop?! Remember?! With the house attached to the shop just like your parents?!” Levi shouted frantically, tears dripping down his face.

 

Lilly’s consciousnesses was fading in and out. She could feel him tugging on her to wake her, fingers grasping at her desperately to keep her with him.

 

“I love you.” She whispered weakly.

 

Then she opened her eyes again when she heard him let out a sob.

 

“ -And the garden! The garden for your stupid flowers!” He cried in a frustrated voice.

 

She smiled weakly.

 

“Our kid was supposed to run through that garden with you Lilly! With us!” He shouted. “Tracking mud throughout the house. And I would have to clean it all up because of how bad you are at cleaning!” He cried with frustration.

 

She smirked for a moment.

 

“You promised! You promised you’d stay by my side.” His voice started to weaken as he placed his hand over her stomach.

 

“I love you so much.” She said, a tear falling from her eye.

 

“I love you so much more.” He said as his dripping black hair hung over her. “Hange is coming she’s right there. Please fight. Fight Lilly. Don’t take my child from me.”

 

She reached up to touch his face, hot tears falling from her eyes as she stared into his steely blue orbs. Her thumb traced over his cheekbone, wiping away a tear.

 

She wasn’t sure where she was going, but she was afraid she’d forget.

 

She was afraid she’d forget everything beautiful about the cruel world she was always trying to escape from.

 

And now she finally would have her way.

 

Hange’s silhouette appeared behind Levi with a bag. She knelt down and started working on Lilly.

 

“Don’t go.” Levi cried weakly, his lips pressing against hers.

 

 

 

 

 

“Please.”


	48. Aufgewacht

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where are you this moment?  
> Only in my dreams.  
> You’re missing, but you’re always a heartbeat from me.  
> Im lost now without you.   
> I don’t know where you are.  
> I keep watching. I keep hoping.  
> But time keeps us apart. 
> 
> Is there a way I can find you,  
> Is there a sign I should know,   
> Is there a road I could follow  
> To bring you back home?
> 
> Winter lies before me.  
> Now you’re so far away.  
> In the darkness of my dreaming,  
> The light of you will stay.
> 
> If I could be close beside you,  
> If I could be where you are,  
> If I could reach out and touch you  
> And bring you back home.

It was strange.

 

 

 

 

It was like being awakened from a deep sleep.

 

Like her soul was ripped out of the void and she was hurled into a state of sudden consciousness.

 

_Wait._

 

Was that wind that she was feeling?

 

Suddenly white light was filtering in through her closed lids.

 

She twitched, tilting her head to the side. She felt cool air all around her, but her muscles felt stiff. Everything felt heavy. But the light called to her.

 

Was that sunlight?

 

She felt a soft breeze caress her face again, bringing forth the crisp scent of Autumn. She could hear leaves rustling in the wind, gifting her comfort and a familiar sense of peace.

 

One that reminded her of home.

 

Her eyelids slowly fluttered open, her eyebrows furrowing as she tried to make out her blurred surroundings.

 

It was so bright.

 

She blinked a few times to let her vision adjust, and after a minute was able to make out a small room around her. It looked familiar. Like one of the rooms April stayed in at the infirmary. There was a large window to her right, giving her a view of trees with orange and yellow leaves, and the rest of the Survey Corps Headquarters buildings.

 

Close beside her bed on the right side was a wooden chair.

 

A long black Scout Regiment military jacket hung from the back of it.

 

On the side table was three daisies.

 

One appearing fresh, the next slightly wilted, and the other slightly more wilted than the previous one. Around those were more flowers in glass mason jars and vases, accompanied by a small stack of handwritten notes.

 

‘ _Get well soon_ ’

 

Lilly glanced down at her arm and noticed a large purple bruise was there. It appeared that some sort of IV had been implemented.

 

She reached down and pulled her long white infirmary gown up and saw that bandages had been wrapped around her middle. It was tender there when she lightly ran her hand over the wound, trying to remember what happened.

 

She heard unfamiliar voices outside the door, possibly nurses. It sounded as if they were gossiping about their personal lives. Lilly lifted her other arm and saw there were three small puncture wounds.

 

More needles?

 

How had they managed to save her life?

 

She had lost a lot of blood... she remembered the crimson fluid on her hands... on Levi’s hands....

 

Levi.

 

Where was he?

 

And the titan... what happened with the titan?

 

Lilly frantically sat up and winced when her side ached from the sudden movement.

 

She slowly and gently got out of bed, stretching out her tense muscles as she carefully made her way over to the open window. Her legs felt weak and wobbly, so she held onto the wooden frame.

 

A few days must have passed.

 

Once she stood at the window, she stood and let the fresh autumn air wash over her.

 

A few orange leaves fell past the window, twirling lightly in the air. She took in a deep breath as she stood on the tips of her toes and leaned in to the refreshing breeze.

 

Then she heard footsteps enter the room and stop.

 

Lilly turned around curiously.

 

Levi was frozen there in a white dress shirt and black dress pants, holding a cup of tea. His eyes met hers, the stoic expression wiping clean from his handsome face.

 

A small smile curved on her lips as she gazed at him.

 

He set the tea down on the counter beside him and quickly stepped towards her as she took a stride towards him.

 

His arms wrapped around her tightly as she kissed his cheek. She felt all the weight he was carrying leave as he melted into her. A deep sigh left her lips as she wove her fingers through his raven hair, pulling him so that his forehead was pressed against hers.

 

“God.” He whispered.

 

Lilly closed her eyes as she rested against him. She just focused on the sweet sound of him breathing before her. The scent of his warm skin. The feeling of him all around her. She felt as both his hands caressed her face in a way that almost felt like he was trying to convince himself that she was actually real.

 

Now she was awake.

 

Now she felt alive.

 

“I’m so... happy.” He said quietly just before he pressed his lips onto hers.

 

That was something she’d never heard him say outright before. And it made _her_ happy.

 

Lilly kissed him deeply, taking in the flavor of his lips and the gentleness of his touch.

 

“I love you.” She spoke, her voice quiet and slightly raspy from not using it in days.

 

“I love you.” He whispered before placing another kiss on her lips. “You don’t know what a disgusting mess I’ve been. I can’t believe you’re awake. That was terrifying....” He said as he pulled away to look at her, his hands on her shoulders.

 

“I-I.....What happened?” She asked in almost a whisper, afraid to relive the pain and fear of that day.

 

He gently took her hand in his.

 

She glanced over to the doorway and saw three nurses peeking into the room, quietly gushing over them.

 

“We can talk when you sit and eat something. It’s been three days since you’ve been awake last.” He said in a low tone as he gave the nurses a look that easily told he was displeased with them watching in on the two of them.

 

Lilly watched as he walked over to the doorway and cleared his throat, quieting the gossiping nurses.

 

“I’m sure you’ve noticed, or maybe not since you’ve been so busy gossiping. She’s awake and needs to eat. How about you bring her something and get Hange Zoe?” He asked as he stared at the nurses impatiently.

 

“Oh-Yes, of course Captain.” The blonde nurse said nervously before leaving down the hall in a hurry. The other two quickly dispersed after her.

 

Levi turned around and picked up his tea off the counter before leading Lilly back over to her bed.

 

“Careful sitting down. You have a few stitches. Don’t break them open by being too careless.” He said as he assisted her sitting down.

 

He carefully handed her the tea, and she took it from him without a word.

 

She hadn’t realized how thirsty she was until she brought the porcelain cup to her dry mouth.

 

It was hot, but she didn’t care.

 

She gulped the steaming liquid down, a few golden drops escaping the corners of her mouth. She set the cup down on the wooden side table next to the three daisies and wiped her mouth with her sleeve.

 

Levi normally would have scolded her for drinking a hot cup of tea so fast and making a mess like that, but she could tell on his face that he was just relieved that she was okay. He kept staring at her, and then staring past her in a daze as he propped himself on his elbow, his dark hair framing his exhausted eyes.

 

“So they sewed me up in time, huh?” She asked as Levi watched her rub her stiffened leg muscles.

 

Levi leaned forward and took her bare leg in his firm hands, and started to rub them down, soothing the muscles there.

 

A small blush graced Lilly’s cheeks as she relaxed into his touch.

 

“Hange was able to remove the shrapnel and ‘sew you up in time’, Yes. You had only passed out thankfully. I thought you .... weren’t going to wake up.” He spoke in a low sullen tone.

 

He glanced down, appearing to be in deep thought. Traces of pain and relief flickering back and forth in his eyes as he thought.

 

Lilly watched as a frown tugged heavily on his face, and wondered exactly what he was thinking.

 

She decided it was best to change the conversation.

 

“Did you pick these for me?” She asked.

 

Levi glanced over to the flowers and shifted in his seat.

 

“I brought one everyday. Not that those are anything special. I got you these nicer ones in this jar here. Erwin sent those there, and the rest of the squad went out and picked those in that mason jar.” He spoke quietly, nodding to each of the jars so he wouldn’t have to stop easing her sore leg muscles.

 

“Thank you.” She said soft as she reached for his rough and cut up hands.

 

He rubbed his thumbs over the tops of hers and gave her a real smile.

 

Her heart fluttered in her chest at the sight of it.

 

She had seen him smile before, but not in the same way she was seeing him smile now. No, now he looked lighter, and more free.

 

“Here you go Lilly, we put together a little bit of everything for you. Eat what you can. And I’ll be right back with a water pitcher.” The nurse said as she appeared at the foot of Lilly’s bed, placing a tray that contained fruits, vegetables, cheese and a sandwich.

 

“Thank you.” Lilly said politely as she turned her body to face the nurse.

 

The nurse smiled and nodded at her before leaving the room.

 

Once she was gone, Lilly frantically reached for the sandwich and took a giant bite of it, hardly chewing before swallowing.

 

“Hey, slow down.” Levi said, leaning forward as he watched her with widened eyes.

 

“No way.” Lilly said with her mouth full as she reached for a thick slice of cheese.

 

She shoved the cheese in her mouth while reaching for a strawberry.

 

“Tch. You’re going to choke!” Levi said as he reached out to hold her wrist back from putting the berry in her mouth before she was done swallowing.

 

“I haven’t eaten in days!” Lilly snapped with her mouth full.

 

“That doesn’t mean you have to eat like Sasha!” He nagged as he tried to hold her hand down.

 

“Good morning Lilly! Glad to see you’re awake now.” Hange said happily as she entered the room.

 

Lilly and Levi froze as Hange stood before them with a clipboard.

 

Hange observed Levi holding Lilly’s hand back from her mouth and Lilly’s cheeks filled with food.

 

“Careful Lilly, don’t eat too fast.” Hange chuckled as she sat on the edge of the bed.

 

Lilly swallowed her food and then moved her head to bite the strawberry out of her hand that Levi was holding back.

 

Levi huffed and sat back in his chair defeat.

 

“So Lilly, I wanted to let you know that you’re expected to recover completely. We were just waiting and praying for you to wake from the coma. You smacked your head pretty hard on that wall, and quite honestly I was surprised that you managed to stay awake for so long. We did have to give you a last minute blood transfusion while removing the shrapnel from your side-“

 

Lilly nearly choked on her sandwich.

 

“B-blood transfusion?” She asked.

 

“You lost a lot of blood. Almost three liters. There was no way around it.” Hange explained casually as she looked up from her clipboard.

 

“But we were on the wall... what about the titan?” Lilly asked.

 

“Levi carried you to safety not far from the wall where I could perform an emergency surgery to remove the shrapnel. We didn’t have much time with the whole titan situation. Not to mention the rate at which you were losing blood. I needed the assistance of the Garrison Regiment surgeon, and a blood donor match.” Hange said.

 

“How did you find a match so quickly? Who was it?” Lilly asked with a puzzled look.

 

“Well, I remembered from when I took your blood to test for the pregnancy hormone that I also collected your blood type data. You’re blood type A. It also happens that I remembered that Levi here is also blood type A.” Hange said with a grin.

 

“Creep.” Levi muttered with his arms crossed over his chest.

 

“Levi was really quite frantic at the time and basically threw his arm at me. So we were able to get a good amount of his blood into a blood bag before he rushed back to the wall.” Hange continued.

 

Lilly looked at Levi with tender eyes. He had given his blood up to her for a chance that she may live.

 

“You gave me your blood?” She asked, still trying to swallow the fact.

 

“I wasn’t going to just let you bleed out and die.” He said.

 

“But weren’t you weakened? You needed your strength... didn’t you? For the titan?” She asked as she adjusted her position on the bed.

 

“Oh yeah he was. He was so lightheaded, he couldn’t walk in a straight line. I had to help him stand at first. But he still went out and got the job done.” Hange grinned.

 

Lilly looked over to Levi and smiled.

 

“I can’t thank you enough...” She started to say.

 

“Don’t thank me... do you think I could bear the thought of losing you? Id lose my fucking mind and then everyone would be in trouble. I would have bled myself dry if that had been what it took.” He said as he looked into her eyes.

 

Lilly wiped a tear from her eye with the palm of her hand and glanced up at Hange.

 

“Thank you for saving my life.” Lilly said softly.

 

“Of course. Things wouldn’t be the same without you. You light up the place, you know? I can see why you mean so much to Levi.” Hange smiled. “Someone as gloomy as him needs someone like you.”

 

“Tch. Gloomy?” He asked.

 

Lilly smiled and glanced over to Levi.

 

He nodded his head to her food, gesturing for her to continue eating. Lilly picked up another berry and took a bite of it.

 

“As for the titan, it was taken care of. Rod Reiss was killed. So thank you for assisting with the net, because that was a large part of the success. Everyone played a part. And now Historia is Queen.” Hange smiled as she sat her clipboard down in her lap.

 

“Wow...” Lilly looked down thoughtfully.

 

She did it. Historia was Queen now. The girl had really changed throughout the years. Lilly would have never guessed that the sunshiny blonde from Training Corps was actually the rightful heir to the throne, and that she would have turned out to be a pretty hard girl.

 

“Oh and she hit Levi after she became Queen!” Hange chuckled as she threw her head back in amusement.

 

“She did what?” Lilly asked, holding her sandwich in midair.

 

“Tch. I deserved it.” He said in a blunt tone.

 

“Where’d she hit you?!” Lilly sat up and leaned over, eyes searching his torso.

 

“Just in the arm. Do you really think it hurt?” He asked.

 

Lilly narrowed her eyes and lifted the last of her sandwich in the air.

 

“Hm. No.” Lilly grunted with displeasure as she took a bite of her sandwich. “I guess you did kinda deserve it.” She said, not looking him in the eyes.

 

“So about your binding-“ Hange started to speak.

 

Lilly’s eyes glanced down at her wrapped abdomen as she chewed and then placed her hand over it like she had lost something.

 

_The baby._

 

Lilly tensed up with panic across her face.

 

“The baby.” Lilly looked at Levi with a frightened expression. “Is my baby still alive?” Lilly asked frantically.

 

Levi’s expression told her that he didn’t know the answer. He glanced over to Hange with a inquiring expression as he reached for Lilly’s hand, rubbing small gentle circles with his thumb.

 

“Your baby seems to be fine. I’ve been monitoring your HCG levels the past few days and they’ve been steady. There’d be reason for concern if they started to decrease.” Hange smiled. “Sorry, I forgot to mention that.”

 

Levi relaxed in his seat and looked at Lilly. She felt her whole body ease and she smiled warmly knowing their child seemed to be okay.

 

“So when can she get out of here? We have a lot of preparation to take care of.” Levi said.

 

“Two more days. We want to continue to monitor her in the meantime, just to ensure that no infection arises.” Hange said.

 

Lilly looked down at her empty tray.

 

This was actually happening. There was peace within the walls finally. She could finally and honestly settle down now. Her and Levi could make their hopes a reality now.

 

It felt surreal.

 

After being in hiding, fighting against the corruption of their world, being hunted down like dogs, freezing and starving out in the woods, fighting off the biggest titan humanity had seen to date, and having a close encounter with death and losing it all, it felt too good to be true.

 

If only her parents could have lived to see her now. Oh, how she missed them. She’d give anything for the chance to tell them she was giving them a grandchild.

 

“I’ll leave you two alone now. Just make sure you drink plenty of water and eat well. I’ll be back tomorrow to check on you. Call one of the nurses if you need anything.” Hange said as she rubbed Lilly’s sock covered foot and rose off the bed.

 

“Thanks Hange.” Lilly smiled.

 

“Of course. I’ll take this tray for ya. Take care Levi. Rest well.” Hange smiled as she held Lilly’s empty tray up.

 

“Thanks, shit glasses.” Levi said.

 

Hange chuckled as she left the room, shutting the door behind her. Lilly looked up at Levi and sighed quietly as she laid back down. She held Levi’s hand by her face and pressed her lips to it.

 

“It’s going to be a long two days in this room.” Lilly said.

 

“I’m sure we could come up with something for you to do.” He said.

 

“Like what? Am I supposed to take up playing cards? Or maybe I’ll try my hand at knitting.” Lilly joked with a smirk against his hand.

 

“Those aren’t bad ideas.” He said.

 

“Hmph. Not very exciting.” She said.

 

“Tch. Getting better doesn’t have to be exciting. Haven’t you had enough excitement?” He asked.

 

“No.” She said.

 

Levi gave her a glare from under his fringe.

 

“I’m only kidding.” She said as she kissed his knuckle once more. “You have a lot of books, don’t you?” Lilly asked.

 

Levi raised a brow at her curiously.

 

“Yes.” He answered.

 

“How about you bring one over and read to me.” She smiled.

 

He stared at her blankly for a moment as she felt his thumb rub against his index finger under her cheek.

 

“You want me to read to you? You know how to read.” He said.

 

“Obviously.” Lilly grinned. “I just want to hear your voice. I just went three days without hearing it at all. And I don’t want to ever do that again.” She said softly as she blinked at him.

 

She could tell he was melting under her gaze and he shifted in his seat uncomfortably. He appeared to be thinking for a moment, his knuckles against his cheek as his elbow propped him up on the arm of the chair. He then rose out of his chair and began to slide his jacket on.

 

“Where are you going?” She asked.

 

“I’m just going to grab a couple of things.” He answered.

 

“A book?” She asked.

 

“Oh is that what you want? I was going to grab you a ball of yarn and some knitting needles.” He smirked.

 

“Yeah, see just where those needles would end up.” Lilly smirked back at him.

 

Levi chuckled softly as he pressed a kiss onto her mouth and tucked her ivory hair behind her ear. “I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere.” He said.

 

“Full of jokes aren’t you?” Lilly laughed as she sat on the bed.

 

“You want me to bring back anything else?” He asked as he finished buttoning his jacket.

 

“Just that dry sense of humor.” She said as she watched him head towards the door.

 

“Tch.”

 

 

 

She could seem him smiling as he left the room.

 

 

..........

 

 

 

 

Later that night, Levi made another two cups of tea for them to drink before bed. Lilly watched as he lit the lamp on the bedside table and pulled out a book from his jacket and set it down.

 

Lilly’s face lit up, and she eagerly tried to sit up.

 

“I’ll help you. Don’t try yourself. You’re so god damned stubborn.” He said as he set the book down.

 

He then took her hand and placed his other hand under her back to support her as she sat up the rest of the way. She pecked him on the mouth as she glanced over at the book.

 

“Thanks. What book is that?” She asked, trying to peek over at the cover.

 

“Just a poetry book. Nothing too crazy.” He said.

 

“Oh.” Lilly said quietly. “That’s okay. I don’t mind.” She said as she perked up as he poured her some tea.

 

“It’s hot. Don’t chug it all down like earlier.” He said as he sat down.

 

Lilly sat the cup down on the side table beside her and crossed her legs and faced him, patiently waiting for him to pick up the book.

 

“What? You want me to read now?” He asked as he poured his tea.

 

“Why not?” She grinned.

 

“Let me have my tea first. If you don’t recall, you drank mine earlier.” He said as he gazed down at his cup, the corners of his mouth upturning as he recalled.

 

“Okay, I’ll wait.” She said as she leaned back against the headboard of the bed.

 

Levi sipped his tea carefully as he peered at her from over his cup.

 

She loved the way he held his cup.

 

God, she loved everything about him.

 

She wanted nothing more than to just wrap herself around him after everything they’d just gone through, now that they could finally breathe. It almost felt like she hadn’t seen him in an eternity after waking up. In fact, she was convinced she was about to die in her last seconds of consciousness.

 

It was a miracle that she lived.

 

And it was thanks to him.

 

_Now his blood ran through her veins._

 

His life source.

 

“What are you thinking?” He suddenly asked as he put his tea down.

 

“Huh?” Lilly was startled out of her thought.

 

“You’re thinking. I’m curious what’s on your mind.” He said.

 

Lilly rubbed her arm where the bruise was located and sighed softly.

 

“I-I was just thinking about dying... I thought I was going to die before I lost consciousness. I was so afraid I’d forget everything good about my life. I was afraid I’d forget you after I died. And I’m here now... with you... and everything is okay... I just can’t believe it.” She said quietly.

 

“That’s understandable.” He said before sipping his tea again. “It is surreal. You were very close to death. Hange wasn’t sure if my blood would even keep you alive, that’s how bad it was. But I clung to any small amount of hope I had left. I needed to see you live. I needed to see you have our child. I don’t know what I would have done had I come back and she told me that you were gone... I was very hurt, and very afraid.” He said as he leaned forward to look her in the eyes. “But you’re strong and you pulled through. Because you’re a fighter. And you’re my girl. And you don’t ever fucking give up.” He said as he took her hand in his, looking her in the eyes from under his dark fringe.

 

Lilly smiled warmly at him.

 

“I like the way that sounds coming out of your mouth.” She smirked.

 

“Which part?” He asked.

 

“All of it, really. But specifically that I’m your girl.” She smiled.

 

“You _are_ having my baby.” He said as he sat back in his seat and stared at her.

 

“Still am getting used to that too.” She said quietly.

 

They were both quiet for a moment. Lilly glanced out the window and into the darkness of the night.

 

Lilly placed her hand over her middle and thought of what it’d be like to hold the little child in her arms for the first time. She smiled softly, daydreaming of chubby little wrists and tiny toes.

 

“Hange said you’d be due in the spring.” Levi said, breaking the silence.

 

“That’s just two seasons away....” She said.

 

“Yeah, I know.” He glanced down at the book. “We have to find a place soon. We can’t have our child living at headquarters.” He said.

 

“Well maybe when I get out of here, we can start looking. I have some money put away too.” She said.

 

“We don’t need your money. I can cover it. Like I said before, I’ve been saving for years.” He said as he gazed at her with his grey-blue orbs.

 

“Are you sure?” She asked.

 

“I’m sure. Save your money for things we will need for our kid. Like clothes. I heard they shit right up their backs.” He said, his nose slightly wrinkling with distaste.

 

Lilly laughed and sighed.

 

“That’s a sight I’m eager to see. You changing a diaper.” She smirked.

 

Levi scoffed at her as he picked up the poetry book.

 

“You want me to read to you or not?” He asked, a slight smile on his face.

 

“Yeah.” She smiled softly as she sat up more straight and picked up her tea cup.

 

She took a carefully sip and looked up.

 

Levi flipped open the book and gazed up at her.

 

“You know I’m doing this because I love you.” He said.

 

“I know that.” She smiled warmly.

 

“Wrapped around your finger, aren’t I?” He said with a small smile.

 

“I’d say that goes both ways.” Lilly leaned over and kissed his forehead, then sat back on her rear on the mattress.

 

He took in a breath before glancing down at the open book.

 

“Levi?” Lilly asked quietly.

 

Levi looked up at her, silently waiting for her to speak.

 

“Can you lay with me?” She asked, fiddling her icy hair in her fingers.

 

Levi sighed softly and rose out of his chair to climb into the bed with her. He leaned back so he was laying on his back, so Lilly carefully molded her body against his and rested her head on his chest. He wrapped his arm over her shoulder and lifted the book in the air with his free hand.

 

Then he began to read.

 

Lilly listened quietly as he read aloud to her, reading poems about love, sadness, joy, and nature. Levi also seemed to relax beside a little as he read on. Lilly let the words take her to new places and new point of views as she felt her eyes start to get heavy.

 

 

 

Then she peacefully fell asleep.

 

 

........

 

 

*LEVI POV*

 

 

He knew she was asleep when her breathing changed to that of a sleeping infant.

 

Hange had told him to expect her to be sleeping a lot now that she was going to be starting her second trimester in a few weeks. He’d need to make sure she was eating well and resting now that the danger and chaos had finally come to an end.

 

Lilly had lost a bit of weight during it all.

 

Levi had noticed that she was slightly more thin, and her cheekbones were also slightly more prominent. The morning sickness had been hard on her for a bit, but had thankfully subsided.

 

Levi set the book down on the side table and blew out the lamp before pulling the blanket up onto him and Lilly who was sleeping peacefully on his chest, her hand gripping onto his shirt. Levi turned towards her slightly and let her rest her head just under his chin. His hand cradled her head, holding her against him like she was the most precious thing in the world.

 

_Simply because she was._

 

A few days ago could have easily been the worst day in his life.

 

He could have lost both her and his child that she carried within her.

 

He remembered how close to death she was as she laid in his arms. He had held her hand begging her to fight, while death took hold and pulled on the other. The look of fear in her eyes, the crimson blood that had covered his hands, her trembling extremities.

 

Just recalling it was enough for his heart to break all over again.

 

He had cried that day for the first time in years.

 

He cried real fucking hard.

 

Losing her would have been all it would have taken to break him in that moment.

 

All the composure that took an entire lifetime for him to build, had crumbled into dust when he found her like that, bleeding and afraid.

 

Her beautiful face, smudged with dirt and smoke.

 

Her blue eyes, pained and tear filled.

 

Blood dripping from the corner of her pouting mouth.

 

It was too much to see something so beautiful, so mangled by the darkness of the world.

 

It proved just how unfair like could be.

 

But still, there was hope.

 

He and Hange were able to help her before it was too late, before she was too far gone.

 

After giving Hange a bag full of his blood, he had felt lightheaded and sick. He felt significantly weaker, but he had no choice but to go tear down that titan that was threatening everything he had dreamed of building with Lilly.

 

He couldn’t walk in a straight line at first.

 

Hange was right about that.

 

He’d never lost that amount of blood at once.

 

But he caught a glimpse of the silver leaf pendant hanging from his neck and willed himself forward.

 

When he had returned back to the wall, Eren was just assuming his titan form. Levi took position as he waited for Eren to lodge the net full of gunpowder in the titans mouth. When he did, the barrels exploded within the titan, bursting the thing into giant disgusting chunks.

 

He and his squad launched into the air and sliced through any chunks of flesh that could have potentially held Reiss.

 

But it was Historia who had finished the job, and she did it in front of citizens of Orvud, which played out rather well considering they didn’t have to work very hard to get the people to accept her as their new queen when everything was said and done.

 

When Levi returned to where he had left Lilly with Hange, Lilly’s side was just being stitched up, and she was still unconscious.

 

But she was alive.

 

Barely.

 

Hange was unsure when she’d pull through, if she pulled through at all. But still, he hung onto the hope she’d keep fighting, even if she was somewhere far from him.

 

He had hoped he’d see those ocean-like eyes open and full of life once more. And that he could hear her laughter echoing through the forest as he ran after her again.

 

It was small moments like those that meant everything to him.

 

After Lilly had been taken to the infirmary, Erwin had sent Levi out with a few scouts to check the surrounding area of where the Reiss chapel had been located. They ended up finding Kenny Ackerman, severely burnt and dying from blood loss of his own.

 

Though this man had tried to murder him and his squad, and even successfully taken out a few of his subordinates, it still bothered him to know he was about to pass.

 

Fucked up perhaps.

 

But the man was the only man who raised him in his entire life. After his mother passed with Levi in the room, and he was alone and starving, it was Kenny who had found him and took care of him for years. He taught him everything he knew in order to survive.

 

And then one day, he just left.

 

Kenny admitted to being his Uncle, and leaving because he wasn’t fit to be Levi’s father.

 

It was strange what feelings he felt in that moment. A uncomfortable and confusing mix between closure and agony.

 

Before Kenny died against that tree, he had explained the history of the Ackermans.

 

He had explained what was in their blood, and why they were persecuted.

 

And he handed Levi a box containing the titan serum. This serum could have saved Kenny’s life, but Kenny chose to give it to Levi instead.

 

_Of course it hurt._

 

Of course it hurt to lose yet again another person that had such an impact on his life, as dangerous as Kenny was.

 

But now he had the closure he didn’t realize he needed.

 

The world within the walls was starting to take on a promising form, and all he was counting on was Lilly recovering and sharing his life with him.

 

So with each day that passed, he picked her a daisy and brought it to her bedside, hoping she’d open her eyes.

 

But on the third day when she had still been unconscious, was the day that he had cried once more.

 

This time it was when he was alone with her in her infirmary room after Hange had left after taking her blood sample.

 

Levi had stared at Lilly for hours, holding her hand, mentally begging for her to wake up. Because with each day that passed, she grew weaker.

 

At this point, he was unsure whether or not the injury had interfered with her pregnancy. And this pained him even more.

 

She didn’t deserve it. She didn’t deserve to die.

 

It was his fault.

 

He had sent her away. He had told her to run.

 

He was responsible.

 

He sniffed as a tear ran down his cheek, tapping his foot with frustration as he stared at her face.

 

 _“C’mon Lilly. You know I can’t do this on my own. Wake up....please...”_ He had said to her quietly, tears stinging his eyes.

 

Would he see her waste away in bed like his mother?

 

For fucksake, why couldn’t he ever make the right decision? Why were the people he loved always suffering because of his garbage decisions and orders.

 

When would he truly learn to live with no regrets?

 

He couldn’t take it anymore.

 

He couldn’t take looking at her like this anymore.

 

So he got up after wiping his eyes, and he left to go make some tea.

 

But before he did, he cracked open the window that was behind his chair, hoping that wherever Lilly was, that the Autumn wind that she loved so much would bring her back to him.

 

He had left the room, passing by chatty nurses in the hallway. He passed by quite a few rooms that were occupied by recovering scouts, with doctors coming in and out with clipboards. It seemed like the world moved on, and refused to stop despite the agonizing nightmare he found himself in with Lilly like this.

 

_But life wasn’t fair._

 

He knew that.

 

_So of course life would go on._

 

But could he?

 

This time, he wasn’t sure.

 

After retrieving a steaming hot cup of tea, he made his way back to Lilly’s room.

 

He remembered how he had sighed as he turned the corner to enter the room and froze when he saw the form of his lover leaning into the crisp wind, as if it had just delivered her to him. The bright light illuminated her silhouette, lighting up her hair like a beaming halo.

She had turned to face him, a smile on her pink lips.

 

 

 

 

He was set free in that moment.

 

 

 

 

And now, for the first time in his life, everything was going to be okay.

 

 

 

Levi closed his eyes, and felt himself relax around Lilly.

 

 

 

He couldn’t wait to take her home, and start their life together.


	49. Alright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Just wanted to say an extra thank you for all the support and sweet comments. I also want to state a disclaimer here for those of you who have not read the manga and only have been watching the anime. This chapter contains a very minor spoiler, but honestly nothing huge. It’s not going to be some mind blowing information that you’re going to find out, more like the mention of an upcoming event that takes place in the next episode which has yet to air. (As of Oct 1st 2018) But even so, I am taking the liberty of putting off the mentioned event till later because there’s some things I want to make happen before said event. PLEASE STOP READING HERE IF THATS STILL A NO GO FOR YOU.

*LILLY POV*

 

 

Over the next two days, Lilly was visited by the entire squad, except for Historia who was understandably settling in with royal business. Jean especially was happy to see her, and even brought her more wildflowers. Her whole bedside had been overflowing with flowers, so Levi ended up bringing some back to his living quarters. 

He had stayed with Lilly as much as he could. There were times he’d have to leave when it came to finishing reports about the things they witnessed and the important information they had obtained over the past month. 

At one point he even had to leave for a important meeting where all the top ranking officers of the military were gathered to discuss the possible date of when they’d set out on the expedition to Shiganshina District, and gather the secrets of humanity and the walls that wait in Eren Jaeger’s basement. 

Levi had given away that it’d more than likely be anywhere from twelve to eighteen months. It depended on how long it took their numbers to grow back to what they had been before all of the chaos the past year. 

She wasn’t upset when he had to leave for these types of things though, she understood that just because her job as a soldier had ended for now, didn’t mean his did. 

When he returned, he had brought another book with him. He had finished reading the poetry book, and Lilly couldn’t deny that she was somewhat disappointed because she enjoyed him reading to her. She loved to hear his voice. 

He must have seen it on her face, and that was more than likely why he had brought another. 

But this time it wasn’t a poetry book. 

This time it was an adventure novel.

And if Lilly wasn’t all ears before, she certainly was now. 

Lilly was curled up in her blanket, resting on her good side as she listened to him read from his chair. He was wearing his uniform that day, as he had just returned from that important meeting. His hair was freshly cut and the smell of clean soap and pine rose off his skin. 

He looked like his old self again. But more at peace.

Lilly busy admiring him as he read when someone knocked on the door. 

“It’s Hange! I’ve come to discharge you Lilly!” Hange announced excitedly as she opened the door and entered the room.

Lilly sat up in bed and Levi closed the book and placed it on the nightstand. Hange glanced over at Levi curiously as she held her clipboard to her chest.

“Levi, did I hear you reading?” Hange asked. 

“Don’t be nosy.” He said as he crossed his arms over his chest, leaning back in his seat.

“Right.. uh well, like I said, today you can leave! You’ve healed well over the past few days and no infection has occurred so that’s a great sign. Your pregnancy seems to be unaffected by your injury which is also great news. I just want you to continue eating and drinking regularly. You’re a tad underweight, which is understandable given the circumstances we were all in. Now, it’s time to bring yourself back up to a healthy weight so your baby develops properly. Levi, make sure she’s not doing any heavy lifting or anything too strenuous. We want her to continue to heal correctly. Also just sponge bathe for the next couple of weeks. Don’t fully submerge your body. After the stitches are removed in two weeks, you can. And lastly, no sex for at least another two weeks.” Hange read off the clipboard.

“Two weeks?!” Levi asked in disbelief, sitting up straight to look at Hange.

“Yeah that’s a bit long..” Lilly scratched her head.

“I’m sure you can wait to have a little fun for two weeks, Levi.” Hange said with her hands on her hips.

“No, idiot. I mean she can’t bathe for two weeks?” He asked. 

“Oh. Y-yeah, that’s just crazy!” Lilly chuckled nervously as her cheeks flushed. 

Levi glanced over at her for a second before returning his attention back to Hange.

“Didn’t you all go without bathing when you were hiding out in the woods?” Hange asked.

“Only because we had to. That was not by any means my choice.” Levi scowled. 

“I didn’t think it was that bad.” Lilly said. 

“Lilly, you lay in dirt and pick up bugs.” Levi glanced at her with a half lidded gaze. 

“I don’t lay in dirt. I lay in the grass.” Lilly corrected as she smoothed down her shirt. 

“Whatever. Can’t she cover the stitches somehow?” He asked.

“Not efficiently. We don’t want to risk infection. Looks like you’ll have to wait two weeks. You too Lilly.” Hange winked at her. 

Lilly covered her eyes in embarrassment.

“But- have you seen her hair?” Levi asked.

“What’s wrong with my hair?” Lilly picked her hair off her shoulder and brought it to her nose. 

She wrinkled her nose and dropped it quietly.

Yeah, it didn’t smell too great, not to mention the singed ends.

“I’m sure you’ll find a way to wash her hair without getting her entire body wet.” Hange said as she leaned against the counter. 

Levi leaned in his chair and crossed his arms.

“Okay, anything else?” Levi asked.

“Nope. That’s it. Just come back in two weeks to have the sutures removed.” She said. “Lilly, you can change into your clothes that are folded over here. There’s your jacket hanging on the door too. Any more questions?” Hange asked.

“Nope. Not that I can think of.” Lilly said.

“Alright, then just take care. I’m sure I’ll see you around headquarters!” Hange said.

“Yeah definitely. Thanks so much again.” She said. 

“No problem. See ya Levi!” Hange said as she exited the room. 

Lilly looked to Levi and took in a deep breath followed by a smile. She could finally leave this room. She could finally go outside and breathe fresh air, and continue her pregnancy in peace. 

“So, ready to go home?” She asked.

Levi stood and helped her up carefully.

“Yeah, lets get out of here.” He said as he walked over to the counter to get her clothes. 

Levi carefully helped her out of the gown and into her uniform pants. He then helped her put her dress shirt on and was careful not to hit her wound while buttoning her shirt. He then grabbed her long black military coat and helped her in it. He then wrapped his black scarf around her neck, bringing it just up to her nose. 

He hand bundled her up like a child. 

“I don’t think I’ve seen you in black before.” He said as he stepped back and looked at her. 

“Are these jackets new?” She asked.

“Yeah, we get these for the colder seasons. But there is some rumor that we may end up getting new uniforms all together.” He said. 

“Hm. Well, I like these. These jackets are nice and warm.” Lilly said as she tucked her hands in the pockets. 

“They have to be. We’d freeze our asses off otherwise.” Levi said as he picked up his book.

Lilly reached down and took the three wilted flowers. 

Then she realized.

Her notebook. 

“Levi. My notebook. Where is it? ....Oh no...” Lilly frantically turned around and opened the side table drawer.

“It’s in my quarters. I took it’ll keep it safe.” He said as he placed his hand on her shoulder.

“Oh. Good. Thank you.” She said as she relaxed under his hand. 

She had put a lot of time into that notebook, collecting leaves and flowers and labeling them accordingly.

“You’re welcome. Let’s get going. I’ve been in this tiny ass room long enough, I don’t know about you.” He said as he hooked his arm with hers. 

Lilly nodded eagerly.

She was not trying to stay there any longer. She needed to step into that air that she had been teased with by that open window for the past two days.

They walked through the hall and passed many rooms with wounded soldiers in beds recovering. The brawls between the scouts and the interior MPs didn’t end well for everyone.

Lilly’s stomach fluttered when she saw the exit. She started to walk a little bit faster, pulling Levi along with her.

“Hey, not too fast. Hange just told you to take it easy.” He said in a sterner tone. 

“Ugh.” Lilly moaned impatiently as she slowed her pace. 

Finally they reached the door and when she walked out into the cold autumn air, she felt herself perk up a bit. They walked down the cobblestone road a little ways until they reached Levi’s office. Lilly waited outside his door while he retrieved his key from his pocket. He stuck the key into his door and then opened it. Lilly froze as she stared into his office. 

She hadn’t been here in a while. 

She stepped inside and the familiar scent of tea and books greeted her nose. She hung her jacket and scarf by the door on a wooden hanger. Levi did the same beside her. 

Then she noticed the stack of paperwork on his desk. 

“You have to do all of that?” Lilly asked.

“It piles up.” He said quietly as he walked through the office and towards the door that lead upstairs.

“Will you ever get a break?” She asked as she followed him. 

“I’ve got to discuss that with Commander Erwin. But I’m sure I will.” He said as he went up the stairs.

Once upstairs, Lilly immediately went over to the bed and ran her fingers across the white quilt. 

She’d missed being here. 

Laying here with him and sharing intimacy here. She had taken a warm bed and a place to lie her head for granted up until she was forced to sleep on the ground with a empty stomach. 

She’d never take it for granted again. 

She turned around and looked at him quietly as he stepped towards her. He brought his hand up to her face and kissed her.

“Welcome home, I guess.” He said as he gestured to his room.

Lilly smiled and draped her arms around his neck. 

“I’ve missed this room, believe it or not.” She said as she glanced around, taking in all the small details that she had come to miss.

“I never thought I would, but I did too. We won’t stay here long, hopefully.” He said. 

Lilly slowly let go of him and then walked over to her side of the bed to the side table. She opened the drawer and pulled out her brush. She carefully ran her fingers over the bristles and then started to run the brush through her hair. She sat on the edge of the bed as she continued to brush through it, working out any tangles or knots that had accumulated, especially at the base of her head. 

Levi walked over and leaned on the dresser. 

“I’m going to start the water. We can stick your head over the tub and scrub it with that peach shit that you make. I’m sure that’ll make you feel better.” He said. 

“Make me feel better or make you feel better?” She chuckled.

He stared at her blankly for a moment.

“Both... Definitely both.” He said as he pushed himself off the dresser. “We can trim that dead shit off your ends too.” He said as he pulled the shears from the drawer. 

“Oh great, another hair cut.” Lilly huffed. 

“What’s that stupid thing they say? If you look great, you’ll feel great too?” He asked as he set the shears down on the dresser.

Lilly glanced up at him with an unamused expression. 

“Yuh. That’s it.” She said blandly.

“The seasonal holidays are coming too, you know. Lots of festivals coming up. Don’t want to be walking around with all that fried shit on the ends of your hair, right?” He asked as he gazed down at her. 

“No..” She huffed. 

Levi gave her a small pat on her shoulder before leaving to run the water.

 

At least she knew he’d never let her walk outside looking like an idiot. 

 

...........

 

 

After Levi had scrubbed the living hell out of Lilly’s hair, and gave her a small trim, he had to return downstairs to finish his paperwork. 

Lilly, quite frankly didn’t care to stay indoors any longer, and decided she’d go out for a walk to get some fresh air. Maybe take a quick walk to the woods. 

After putting her jacket and scarf on, she gave Levi a peck on the lips as he sat at his desk. 

“Don’t be out too long. You don’t want to overdo it with your side still healing.” He warned in a low tone, not even glancing up from his writing. 

“I won’t.” Lilly said as she gazed down at the mountain of paperwork he had to sign. “Good luck with that.” She chuckled.

“Tch, Thanks.” He shook his head as he tapped his pen on the table, clearly overwhelmed. 

He then dropped the pen and then picked up his mug to sip his tea.

Lilly smiled at him before exiting the office and stepping out into the cool Autumn air. There was no denying the spring in her step as all of the worries she had were now stripped away from her. She started to walk down the cobblestone road of headquarters with her hands in her pockets when she heard a familiar voice call out to her.

“Oh, Lilly!” 

Lilly turned around to see Commander Erwin headed her way, also wearing his long military coat. 

“Oh, hello Commander.” Lilly greeted him politely as she waited for him to catch up to her.

“You aren’t busy are you? I wanted to discuss a couple things with you, if you don’t mind stepping in my office for a minute. I won’t keep you long.” He said as he rubbed his brow with the back of his knuckle. 

“That’s fine, I was just going for a walk.” She answered. 

“Great. You can carry on as you were in just a few minutes.” He nodded as she started to walk beside him to his office. “How are you feeling?” He asked as he looked down at her.

This man was significantly much taller than her. She had gotten too accustomed to standing beside Levi for so long. 

“I feel great. I’m still pretty sore, but it feels great to be clean and have a full stomach. Not to mention sleeping in a real bed without the constant fear of being hunted down like a wild animal or something.” Lilly said as she continued to walk.

Erwin was staring at her quietly.

“I’m sorry that all of this happened. But you all worked hard and got us to where we are, and we couldn’t have made it without you. Thank you for your dedication, honestly.” He said. 

Lilly nodded as he opened the door to his office.

Once inside, she could see that he himself had a wild stack of papers on his desk. 

“You too, huh?” Lilly nodded her head towards the stack of papers. 

Erwin walked around the large wooden desk and sat down in his seat.

“Zackly isn’t necessarily the most easygoing Commander in Chief when it comes to his documents. He wants all the fine details.” He said in a tone underlying with annoyance. “Please, sit down.” He said as he gestured his hand to the seat in front of his desk. 

Lilly sat down quietly and waited as Erwin pulled out a couple of sheets of paper and a pen out of his drawer. 

“So, I want to start off first by saying congratulations.” He said with a small smile. 

“Thank you, Sir.” Lilly smiled back. 

“Levi must be relieved that you are home now.” He said.

“He definitely seems less on edge, yes.” Lilly chuckled. 

“You know, if I’m being honest, I never pictured him becoming a father. But, you are obviously very important to him, and I’m sure he will do everything he can for the both of you. Levi is quite the ...protector.” Erwin smirked. 

“Sometimes, quite the over-protector.” Lilly chuckled. “But yes, I don’t doubt he’ll settle into the role just fine.” She smiled warmly. 

“Agreed.” Erwin smiled. “....Now, do you have an idea when you will be due?” He asked as he started writing on the sheet of paper. 

“Hange said spring. I believe the middle April to be more specific.” Lilly said as she watched his pen move over his paper.

Erwin nodded his head as he continued to write. 

“Okay, so your leave officially starts today. I’m thinking that a year from now, you can come back. That will bring your child to about six months of age.” Erwin glanced up at her. 

Lilly paused. 

Six months old.

That was the typical leave time after all, but it felt like her child would still be so new....

“Is that okay? I’m sure that you’ll have time to find a nanny.” Erwin said. 

“When exactly will the trip to Shinganshina take place? I heard twelve to eighteen months.” Lilly asked. 

Erwin sat up in his seat and twirled his pen in his fingers. He looked up at her from under his brows with his blue eyes. 

“A year from now, more than likely.” He answered. 

“I see, so you think it will be closer to twelve months.” Lilly replied quietly.

Erwin continued to twirl his pen in his fingers and then sighed quietly.

“Zackly wants to wait a year to replenish our numbers. We’ve lost too many men the past year, given all the chaos. It would be too risky to go out now with the numbers we have currently. Another important thing we must consider is that our numbers a year from now will consist of mostly new recruits. So we need our best ranking soldiers in vanguard. That means you.” He said. 

“Y-you want me in the vanguard?” She asked, completely baffled. 

“Yes. I’d also like you to train new recruits in ODM techniques when the time comes. When you are done recovering from childbirth, I’d like you to begin training your body with home workouts to prepare. But for now, enjoy your leave and focus on finding a nanny for when you are away.” Erwin said. 

“And will Levi get time off too?” Lilly asked. 

Erwin tapped his pen against the desk as he looked at her.

“I can give him two weeks when your child is born.” He answered.

Lilly nodded her head. That wasn’t much time either. But with a rank like Levi’s, he couldn’t take much time off. This was the reality of the situation they’d gotten themselves into at this point. 

“Alright?” He asked, shaking her from her thoughts.

 

She paused for a moment and then sighed softly.

 

“Alright.” She answered softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said, I decided to put Shinganshina off on a hold. It’s still going to happen, but I’ve got some important chapters to write first. I do understand this is different from the original storyline. <3
> 
> Thanks in advance!


	50. zusammen

“Six months?!” Levi asked as he paced back and forth across their bedroom floor.

 

Lilly sat on the bed, cradling her hands nervously.

 

“Y-yes, that’s what he said. He wants me to go to Shinganshina. In the vanguard...with you...” She said as she looked up at him.

 

His hair framed his icy glare which bore deeply into her, making her shiver.

 

He was pissed.

 

“You signed a contract to leave our child at just six months old.” He said as he glared down at her.

 

She just blinked at him.

 

He then ran his fingers through his hair as he continued to pace in front of her.

 

“I’m sorry... that is the standard leave time. I’m sure you know that.” She said.

 

“Of course I know that. But I never said I agreed to it. I should have been there when you signed that. We possibly could have gotten you more time.” He said.

 

“I-I didn’t think..” Lilly frowned and looked up at him.

 

He was unhappy with her, and it made her stomach ball up in knots.

 

“No, you obviously didn’t think.” He snapped at her, a frown pulling harshly in the corners of his mouth.

 

Lilly silently turned her face away from him and looked towards the window. The sun was getting lower in the sky as deafening silence filled the room. She could feel his eyes drilling into her even as her sullen gaze was directed away from him, avoiding eye contact with the frustrated Captain.

 

“Lilly.” He said in a low tone.

 

She continued to look away.

 

_Don’t cry._

_Don’t fucking cry._

_Don’t be so sensitive._

_Damn these hormones._

 

“Look at me.” He ordered quietly.

 

She blinked and a treacherous tear fell from her eye as she kept her gaze locked on the window.

 

What was she supposed to do? How was she supposed to know? She was a grown woman. She didn’t think she needed him to do everything with her.

 

She felt him kneel in front of her and then take her face in his rough yet warm hands to look him in the eyes.

 

“Hey, look.” He sighed softly “I’m sorry. Alright?” He said.

 

Lilly turned her face away from him again as she sniffled, embarrassed that she had let one of his snide remarks get to her.

 

“I just want you to be at home with our child as long as we can get away with. I don’t want you out there with the titans when you could be nurturing our kid.” He paused and dropped his hands down loosely to her lap. “I want our child to have their mother as much as possible. _That_ is important to me. Now we are both going to be sent away and leave them behind. If I could have it my way, you’d _stay_ on leave. What if something fucked up happens to either or us. Or worse, both?” He asked.

 

“Levi, I have signed a contract with the government to serve until retirement or until I’m physically unable. You know that. As much as I’d like to stay home with the baby, it’s just not in the cards. I can deny Erwin’s offer to train the new recruits if that helps, but if they need me to leave the walls, then I must. This is the price we pay for having a child now. We have to work with what we’ve got..” She said quietly as she reached up to smooth down his hair on the side that was sticking up slightly.

 

Levi huffed and looked back up at her.

 

“I’m not going to stress out about this shit right now. I apologize if I upset you.” He said.

 

“I’m sorry if I messed things up.” She said as she continued to gaze into his steely eyes as he remained crouched before her.

 

“No. You didn’t know. We hadn’t talked about it.” He said quietly as he gently took her hand.

 

“It’ll work out.” She said reassuringly as she slid her hand over her abdomen.

 

“It has this far, I suppose.” He said quietly as he pressed his forehead against her flat stomach.

 

Lilly reached up and gently caressed the back of his neck, her thumb rubbing back and forth over the soft fuzz of his undercut. Lilly knew he just wanted what was best for her and their child when it finally arrived. And she appreciated that, really. She continued to rub the back of his neck as he relaxed under her touch. She dipped her hand down the inside of his collar to rub his upper back slightly, and she felt him roll his shoulders lightly.

 

The man was always sore, and his muscles were always tense from his long days of standing, training, and sitting in his chair at his desk. She’d have to take some time to really help him out with that, and she was sure he’d need it.

 

Just then there was a knocking on the door downstairs. Lilly and levi both raised their heads quickly. Then Levi rose to his feet and gazed down at her quietly.

 

“I’ll be back. It’s probably a new recruit asking me to check over their chores or something mundane.” Levi sighed as he headed to the door.

 

Lilly watched as he disappeared down the creaking wooden stairs and then she heard the office door open a minute later.

 

“Oh, I wasn’t expecting you... I’ll go grab her. You can sit here if you want to.” She heard Levi say.

 

Lilly perked up when she heard this.

 

Who could it be?

 

Just then Levi came up the stairs and rested against the doorway with his typical stoic expression.

 

“Your friend, April, is sitting downstairs. Why don’t you come entertain her. I’m not the best at that sort of thing.” He said dryly.

 

Lilly grinned as she shot up from her seated position on the bed and practically flew past Levi as she headed down the stairs. When she got to the bottom, April was seated in the chair in front of Levi’s desk wearing a long burgundy coat, her hands rested neatly on her swollen belly.

 

“Oh my gosh.” Lilly said as she reached out for April and hugged her tightly.

 

“How are you feeling? Are you okay? Ben told me everything. Jean had told him... and as soon as I heard you were being sent home, I made arrangements to come see you.” April said as she pulled away to look at Lilly.

 

“I’m much better now. Obviously I’m still a little sore, but I’m grateful to be on my feet and out of there.” Lilly answered. “Thank you for coming. I’ve been wanting to talk to you but things got so dangerously out of hand. And I missed your wedding and I’m so sorry April.” She blurted out, guilt eating at her gut.

 

Levi was behind them pouring tea silently as he listened to them speak.

 

“Lilly I understand.. I’m not upset with you. I could never be upset with you. When Ben first came home to tell me after you were taken back to the infirmary with life threatening injuries, I didn’t know what to do with myself.... especially when they said they didn’t know if you’d wake up at all... You’re like my sister Lilly.” April said as a tear ran down her cheek. “I’m sorry, these hormones.” April chuckled as she fanned her eyes.

 

“It’s okay, I know how you feel... trust me. I cry so much now and I feel so stupid.” Lilly chuckled.

 

Just then Levi placed two cups of tea on the desk for them.

 

“I’m going to go check on those brats cleaning the Mess Hall. I’ll be back in a bit.” He said as he walked over to the coat rack and put his coat on.

 

“Don’t be too hard on them, Captain.” April chuckled.

 

“He says it builds character.” Lilly whispered behind her hand.

 

“Tch. I wouldn’t have to if they did it right the first time. Instead, it takes hours to complete a simple task.” Levi said before he slid out the door and closed it behind him.

 

April sighed and looked at Lilly.

 

“So how is he?” The brunette asked.

 

“He’s well. He seems to be more at peace. Well, besides the mountains of paperwork he gets and the new recruits that decided to transfer from the other Regiments. We’ve gotten quite a few more so he’s had his hands full.” Lilly said as she held her tea.

 

“And how is he feeling about the pregnancy? Are you guys getting out of here?” April asked.

 

“He seems content. He was disappointed that he wasn’t there for me to sign my leave agreement. I signed for the standard leave time which landed me in the vanguard for the Shinganshina expedition a year from now. Erwin was pretty adamant about having me be apart of it. Levi, not so much. Did you sign your leave papers?” Lilly asked as she sipped her tea.

 

“Ahh. Yeah, I’m in the same boat. Ben isn’t happy about it either. We still are shopping around for a nanny. So I guess I’ll see you there. But hey, no sweat. By then our numbers will have grown and the trip to Shinganshina will be no problem. Especially if we leave at night when the titans are inactive.” April smiled.

 

“I just can’t believe our children will be here by then... I don’t know if it’ll be that easy to leave them.” Lilly said quietly.

 

“Of course it won’t. But have faith, it will be fine.” April said as she sipped her tea.

 

The office door opened and Levi came in along with a gust of chilly air. He hung his jacket and sniffled. It sounded like he was catching a cold. Then she noticed he was carrying a letter.

 

“What’s that?” Lilly asked him.

 

Levi glanced down at the paper and then looked back up at her.

 

“A request from the Queen. She wants to start an orphanage, and she wants me to help get things arranged for it. She wants to gather up the orphans of the underground as well, and give them a fresh start...” He said as he made his way across the room.

 

“..That’s great. You’d be perfect for that.” Lilly smiled.

 

“Think so?” He asked as he slid the letter into the desk.

 

“Of course. You know firsthand what those kids have gone through after all. Your insight would be extremely helpful.” Lilly said as she set her cup down.

 

Levi paused for a moment and then returned his eyes to her.

 

“Well there’s a conference tomorrow, so we will se what we can get done.” He said to her before walking over to the hutch.

 

Lilly nodded before returning her attention to her friend who was quietly listening.

 

“So, what do you think you’re having? I’m still hoping that we both have girls.” April said as she took a sip of her tea.

 

“That would be nice.” Lilly said thoughtfully as she twirled her hair in her fingers.

 

“Girls are trouble.” Levi said as he began to pour himself a cup of tea behind them.

 

“How so?” Lilly asked, turning in her seat to look at him.

 

“You two, for example.” He said as he turned around and leaned against the hutch, holding his tea in his peculiar way. “Especially this one.” He gestured to Lilly.

 

“Ha! I am not!” Lilly exclaimed.

 

“I can count on my hands three times over all the times you’ve gotten in trouble for one thing or another.” Levi said as he stared at her.

 

“You know, he’s probably right. And he’s probably got them ready to list too. Better not argue, Lilly.” April grinned.

 

Lilly scoffed and rolled her eyes.

 

“So what, you’re saying you hope it’s a boy?” Lilly asked.

 

“I mean, that wouldn’t be bad.” Levi answered nonchalantly.

 

“And what if it’s a girl?” Lilly asked.

 

“What am I supposed to do, Lilly? Shove it back up from where it came? I’d have to deal with it obviously.” He said.

 

“Smart ass.” Lilly huffed.

 

A small smirk curved on his lips as he sipped his tea.

 

“Well I won’t mind if I have a girl or a boy. As long as it’s healthy.” Lilly’s eyes shifted over to Levi for a second before returning to April. “Can I feel your stomach? Can you feel the baby moving yet?” Lilly asked curiously.

 

She’d never felt a pregnant woman’s stomach before or had even felt a baby kick. The thought of it was so exciting to her. She couldn’t wait to feel her own baby kick.

 

“Yes go ahead silly! You don’t have to ask me. And I actually just recently started feeling her kick.” April said.

 

“Her?” Lilly smiled as she placed her hands on her friend’s stomach.

 

“Well I feel weird calling the baby an ‘it’ so often. You know?” April laughed.

 

“I get what you mean. What does it feel like?” Lilly asked.

 

“It feels like little gas bubbles at first, but then it starts to feel real weird. It’s hard to describe. But you’re about a month and a half behind me so give it a few more weeks and I’m sure you’ll feel it too.” April said.

 

Lilly glanced down at her own belly, hardly a swell was even there.

 

“You’ve got a tiny belly.” April said as she squinted her eyes and reached out for Lilly’s abdomen.

 

“You think? I feel like I just look bloated.” Lilly said as her friend placed her hand on her stomach.

 

“Yeah I mean it’s not much, but it’s there.” April said.

 

Lilly stood up and lifted her shirt to look at her stomach.

 

“See? It’s tiny, but you’re definitely starting to show!” April said excitedly.

 

“What do you think Levi? Do you like my pregnant bod?” Lilly wiggled her eyebrows a couple of times flirtatiously.

 

“I can’t stand you.” He said as he tried to block his smile with his cup.

 

“God Lilly, you haven’t changed.” April chuckled. “I hope you never do.” She added said.

 

 

 

..............

 

 

 

 

Two weeks later, Lilly and Levi made their way back to the infirmary to have her sutures removed. By this time, an orphanage had started being constructed out of an old barn and was due to be finished within one month’s time. Levi was gone a lot during the day for long periods of time, whether it was for supervising the training of new recruits, meeting with Historia and the other board members directing the orphanage, or leaving to help Hange with Eren’s new hardening experiments. He was always tired, and always had work to do, so she did what she could to help out and make things easier for him. She had made sure hot tea was always ready for him. She would start baths for him, and set out his clean uniform for the next day. She would try and massage his back when he did lay down at night, and just try to let him relax as much as possible.

 

Of course when he wasn’t around, all she could really do was clean or go on walks and scavenge around the woods nearby for any helpful plants that she could use. Most of her free time was spent outdoors. And if she wasn’t outside, then she was in the room reading one of his books.

 

It had gotten pretty lonely without him.

 

But today, he was staying with her.

 

And she was so happy, she could burst.

 

“This will hurt a little.” Hange said has she started to snip and remove the threads from her wound.

 

Lilly squeezed Levi’s hand as she winced.

 

She was excited that she could finally bathe like a normal person now and soak in the tub when she needed to. Sometimes the cramps and growing pains of her uterus were unbearable. A few nights, Levi had even rubbed her lower back until she fell asleep on top of him.

 

“Alright, all done.” Hange said as she wiped her forehead.

 

Lilly looked down at the scar that was forming on her side and gazed up at Hange.

 

“Thanks Hange.” Lilly said.

 

“You’re welcome. I bet you can’t wait to go take a bath.” Hange said. “Well, I bet Levi is more excited than you.” Hange chuckled as she cleaned up her tools.

 

“That’s exactly what I’m going to go do.” Lilly said as she rose off the bed.

 

“Enjoy, I’ll see you two around.” Hange smiled.

 

“Thanks four-eyes.” Levi said as he held Lilly’s jacket out for her to get into.

 

Lilly slid into the jacket and wrapped her scarf around her neck and smiled at Levi with excitement.

 

“So, wanna head home so we can take a bath?” Lilly smiled devilishly at him as she adjusted his coat collar around his neck. “It’s been a long time since we’ve taken a bath together.” She purred.

 

“I was actually thinking, maybe we could go for a walk.” He said.

 

Lilly paused and stared at him in surprise. He loved baths, and she knew he loved sex. But they also hadn’t been able to go on long walks together in a while either, and that was definitely one of Lilly’s favorite things to do.

 

Nothing beat being surrounded by fresh air and trees, feeling the earth crunch under her feet.

 

It sounded lovely.

 

“Okay. I’d like that.” She smiled as she gladly locked her arm with his.

 

Once they were outside, Lilly leaned her head against his sturdy shoulder as they walked through the headquarters road. They passed a few recruits on their way to the gates, then headed towards the woods.

 

Colorful leaves covered the forest floor, and squirrels ran wildly through the trees that were now barren. They passed by a couple of old wooden titan dummies and Lilly remembered how she used to come out there in the summer and practice with Jean and April.

 

Then Levi turned and led her towards the direction of the clearing they used to spar in.

 

“It’s been a while since I’ve been here.” She said.

 

“I thought it’d be nice.” He said in a nonchalant tone.

 

They continued to walk through the dying grass until Lilly stopped in her tracks and looked up at the sky. It was beautifully blue, with large numbers of fluffy white clouds floating overhead.

 

When she looked to the side, her attention was caught by a pile of red, orange and yellow leaves that were raked away from the path. The pile was tucked under a big oak tree and was just begging to be jumped in.

 

A playful smile slowly crept on her lips.

 

“Lilly, whatever you are thinking-“

 

Before Levi could finish, Lilly darted off towards the pile of leaves. She was so going to jump in them. It’d been too long since she had last.

 

“Dammit Lilly!” He said as he ran after her.

 

Lilly hurled herself into the pile of leaves, sending them flying up in the air. When she peeked up out of the pile, Levi was standing there staring at her with a unamused expression, arms crossed over his chest.

 

“Help me up?” She asked innocently.

 

He rolled his eyes and put his hand out to her. She smirked as she took hold of it. His face dropped as she quickly pulled him down into the leaves with her.

 

Her laughter filled the cold air.

 

“I can’t believe you fell for that again.” She laughed hysterically as he sat in the leaves beside her.

 

Levi was trying not to smile, she could tell.

 

She leaned over to kiss his reddened cheek and pulled away to look into the woods at a squirrel that had dashed by them. She watched as the fluffy grey squirrel ran up a tree and disappeared in a cavity in the trunk.

 

“Hey, Lilly.” Levi’s voice came from beside her.

 

“Hm?”

 

Lilly looked back at him, and instantly a handful of crunchy leaves were thrown into her unsuspecting face.

 

He laughed as he got up quickly and started sprinting away, looking back at her with a smug grin, his raven hair blowing in the breeze.

 

He got her. He actually got her.

 

She got up with a big smile and started chasing after him. He was faster than her, there was no doubt about that, which made this game impossible. She could chase him all she wanted, but she’d never catch him.

 

“Hey, slow down. I’m pregnant, remember?” She said as she bent over to catch her breath.

 

He stopped in his tracks and then stared at her with slight concern on his face. He then made his way towards her.

 

_Yes. It’s working._

 

“You okay?” He asked as he stood in front of her.

 

Lilly reached out and took him down to the ground quickly, straddling him with a smug grin.

 

“That was fucking dirty.” He said, clearly unamused.

 

“You taught me to play to win, didn’t you?” She asked as she kissed his frowning mouth.

 

“You feel stronger..” He said quietly.

 

She rolled over onto her back beside him and gazed up at the clouds as she caught her breath.

 

“I’ve had plenty of time to recover. I’ve got so much energy.” She said.

 

“I guess so.” He said as he gazed up at the sky on his back.

 

Lilly stared up into the blue sky and watched as dozens of oddly shaped clouds blew overhead. This was always the most relaxing pastime for her when she was younger, and it felt nice to share it with the person she loved, even if he didn’t like getting dirty in the grass.

 

“This isn’t bad.” Levi said suddenly.

 

“What isn’t?” She asked as she looked at him beside her.

 

“Laying in this shitty grass, looking up there.” He nodded his chin up towards the sky.

 

Lilly smiled as she returned her gaze up to the clouds.

 

“Yeah, it isn’t bad at all.” She smiled warmly.

 

“That one kind of looks like a horse.” He pointed up.

 

Lilly squinted and located the one he was speaking of.

 

“Yeah, it kinda does.” She grinned and then looked at him.

 

She watched as his eyes searched the skies, and saw how lovely he looked with his cheeks and lips pink from the chilly air.

 

He then looked over at her suspiciously, after realizing she’d been staring at him.

 

“What evil thing are you plotting now, brat?” He asked.

 

“What?! Nothing!” She laughed as she looked up at the sky.

 

She felt his hand intertwine with hers, and she looked back at him.

 

He was staring at her now, his steely eyes piercing into her. He looked like he was just studying every detail of her face.

 

“Levi, why are you looking at me like that? Do I have food on my face?” She asked as she reached up to her mouth.

 

“No.” He shook his head. “You’re beautiful. That’s why.” He said in a way that made it sound like it should have been obvious.

 

Lilly blushed and looked away.

 

This man still had the ability to put butterflies in her gut, the same as before.

 

He rolled over onto his side now to face her, so she did the same.

 

But this time she willed herself to look into his eyes, and not look away. In this lighting, she could see the outer part of his iris was dark, but closer to his pupils, they were a lighter grey.

 

They were beautiful.

 

“You know, I’ve never seen the ocean. But I’ve heard Arlert talk about it, and I picture it being the same color as your eyes. Guess I could be wrong though. Won’t know until I see it myself.” He said as he reached out for her cheek.

 

“You’re being so flirtatious today.” She raised a brow at him and smiled.

 

“You want me to stop?” He asked with a half lidded expression.

 

“No.... Never.” She smiled at him.

 

“Then will you marry me?” He asked.

 

Lilly’s eyes widened as she tried to search for any sign on his expression that he was only kidding. She felt like her ears had deceived her, and that her breath was caught in her throat.

 

_He had to be joking._

 

He must have seen it on her face because he reached down and pulled a small black box out of his pocket and held it out to her.

 

Lilly’s mouth fell open as he flipped open the box, revealing a white gold band with a pale moonstone, surrounded by a few small diamonds.

 

It was the prettiest thing she’d ever seen.

 

_He was serious._

 

“Y-yes.” Her eyes filled up with tears as she reached out to hug him in the grass. “Of course.” She said as she pulled away to look him in the eyes.

 

“Good. It would have been pretty fucked up if you said no.” He said as he moved a loose strand of hair out of her face.

 

Lilly laughed and kissed him softly on his slightly chapped lips.

 

“How could I say no to you? I couldn’t picture my life with anyone else. Especially after everything we’ve gone through. You’ve been by my side through it all, and I never want that to change.” She said as she moved his hair back out of his face.

 

He planted a kiss on her smiling mouth before gently pressing his forehead against hers.

 

 

 

 

“I love you, Lilly. I always will.”


	51. Gurken und Käse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, thanks always for the support. I’m really trying to have fun with these chapters before I send these two to Shinganshina (‘: and thought it would be fun to ask you guys some things you’d like to see between the two during this time. Kinda like writing prompts that can I put into the story for you all. Of course I have my own ideas, but I just think that would be fun. 
> 
> Love you all.
> 
> <3

Lilly rested her back against Levi’s solid chest as they soaked in the warm soapy water together for the first time in a couple months. His hands were wrapped loosely around her milky waist, and the warm puffs of his breath hit the side of her neck as she glanced down at the ring that had made it’s new home on her slender finger. 

God, she wished she could stay in moments like these forever. 

Feeling him all around her, the comforting scent of lavender and sweet oats filling the air around them in the washroom. 

It was refreshing.

There was no pain here. 

There was no fear. 

There was just them and now.

Going through such frightening times together made times like these that much sweeter. 

She’d never take him or her life for granted again.

The ring glistened under the bathwater as she placed her hands over his, stroking his scarred knuckles lightly as she tilted her head to the side to glance over to the gradually darkening bedroom. 

Night had started to fall, and the beautiful day they had shared together was soon coming to an end.

But their future together was going to start soon enough, and it felt so surreal. He had really asked her to marry him. 

It was still so hard to believe. 

She, of all people was going to get married. 

And to the man she never thought she’d love this deeply. 

A man who had started off as her muse, then to someone she dreaded to be around. 

And without any warning... 

She fell. 

For the mere fact that his soul completed and complimented hers. He had what she lacked and vice versa, and it was in that way that they were able to bring out the best in each other so that they may live their best lives. 

It only made sense that they get married. 

Never mind the fact that they were sharing a child together, one that she couldn’t wait to hold in her arms.

“What are you thinking?” His voice suddenly broke the silence, his chest vibrating lightly under her back as he spoke. 

“I’m just happy.” She said simply as she lifted her hand out of the water to touch the side of his jaw. 

“Yeah, me too. You’ve finally bathed.” He said.

Lilly scoffed and turned in the tub so she was sitting to face him. 

“Going to make me regret accepting your proposal so soon, are you?” She joked as she grabbed her peach oil and dabbed a small amount onto a washcloth. 

“Tch.” 

Lilly smiled softly as she began to run the washcloth over her skin, the light and sweet scent of peaches now taking over the air. 

“I’m happy because I get to share my life with you. I’m happy because in the spring, we will meet our child, and we will have a home. And we will make everything we have ever hoped for become a reality together.” She said quietly as she looked up at him. 

He was watching her intently as she washed her upper body, his eyes meeting hers with a hooded gaze. He sat up quietly in the tub and leaned forward slowly.

The slow movement sent flutters in Lilly’s stomach. His eyes flashed between her bare chest and the way she arched her back as he reached out and wrapped his arms around her middle, pulling her into him gently. The water moved around them, and sweet scented steam rose into the air. 

Her chest was now pressed against his in a loving embrace, and naturally she reached up and draped her arms around his neck. His nose brushed against her blushing cheek lightly before his lips found the sensitive skin behind her ear, drawing out a soft moan from her lips. 

She tilted her head gently to the side to give him more access. 

Oh, he knew just where to kiss her. He knew what she liked, and he did it every time. 

She pressed harder against him as he assaulted her neck with loving kisses and nips, his hands snaking up her back support her as she straddled his lap. It was in this moment, with the wonderful sensation of his flesh against hers that she knew that she had found everything she needed. 

She needed him. 

She needed all of him. 

Every inch of him. 

And most of all, she needed his love.

And if she never found anything else in this world, then that would be okay with her. 

Fuck the ocean.

Fuck the outside world. 

Fuck everything else that existed outside of this moment.

“I don’t want to live a second without you. I want you, always.” He said in a gentle tone as he pressed a tender kiss onto her shoulder. 

Lilly nipped at his ear before trailing her lips across his jawline. 

“Me neither. You’re all I want in this world.” She said softly as she pulled away to look him in the eyes. 

He leaned in and pressed his head against hers, and it truly felt like nothing else existed outside of them. Everything inside of her was tuned into him and his touch, and she felt hungry for more. 

She gently pressed her lips onto his, and desire swiftly swept through her. 

It had been over a month now since they’d been intimate with each other, and there wasn’t a day that her body wasn’t aching for him in that way. 

And she knew he had felt the same. 

His eyes had lingered too long on her body when she changed her clothing. She’d often catch him shamelessly staring when she’d bend over to clean the floors or make the bed. At night, he had even snuck in a couple of feels when he’d spoon her.

But he was patient, and he never asked her to get him off knowing he wouldn’t be able to properly do it himself. 

She softly moaned as he drank from her lips like a man dying of thirst. 

It was rough and exciting, this uncontrolled and hungry side of him. The hungry side that had gone too long without taking her and ravaging her. 

The slightly rough bite on her lower lip set everything within her to flames. There wasn’t anything about him in this moment that didn’t entangle her mind and pull her deeper into him. 

He had her mind, body and soul. 

Didn’t he realize this? 

He swallowed her soft means as his rough hands continued to wander up and down her back. Her heart only started to race faster when his hand trailed around to her front to cup and tease her swollen breast. Kissing the side of her mouth, he trailed his lips and tongue across her jaw and down her throat before marking her in a possessive manner on her collarbone. 

Lilly’s fingernails gently raked over the warm skin of his neck, coaxing a low moan that vibrated within his chest and sent warm tingles swimming just under her skin. 

Her fingers trailed down from his neck to explore his shoulders, lightly scratching as her hands began to slip down his muscular chest in an admiring way. 

Oh, how she wanted him. 

It’d been far, far too long. 

His eyes closed slightly and the muscles of his stomach tightened as she reached in the warm water to take him in her hand. A trembling breath left his lips as she stroked him, and she leaned in and pressed her lips against his throat. 

“I love you.” She whispered in a breathy tone against his skin before she trailed her lips back over his jaw and nipped at his kiss-swollen lower lip. 

“I love you too.” He growled into her mouth, his chin pressing against hers as he grasped at her hips tightly.

He lifted her up his lap slightly higher before sliding into her. Both of them moaned in unison as he filled her to the hilt. She could feel herself stretching around him beautifully, sending pleasurable shivers through out her body. He held her gaze with his steely eyes as he began to thrust into her, and it was simply intoxicating. 

She couldn’t help it.

He moved in a way that seemed deliberate and slow, and pleasure was building up within her much quicker than what she anticipated. Her eyes slowly began to close as she felt him stroking every sweet spot within her. Soft moans continued to leave her mouth as he grazed her neck with his teeth, biting down on the tendon and causing her to cry out his name as she felt herself clamp down around him. 

He was becoming much rougher now, his long awaited desire finally being fulfilled. 

“Levi, please.” She panted as she started to feel herself get close. 

His hand came up and grabbed a fistful of her freshly washed hair, while the other grabbed tightly on her her rear as he thrusted even deeper inside of her. Water splashed around their naked bodies, their labored moans filled the room. 

There must have been something about her saying his name that drove him into a hungry frenzy this way. His movements became painfully accurate and then the heavy long awaited pleasure rolled through her body, causing her to throw her head back in ecstasy as she cried out. Her body tightened and shuddered around him, and he tugged her head back to meet his mouth as he drank up his name from her lips. He was taken by the waves of his own release as he grunted softly against her throat, hanging onto her for dear life as he finished inside of her. 

Lilly rested in his arms as he buried his face in her neck. They sat in silence for a few moments until she slowly backed off him and rested her back against the other end of the tub. 

Oh, that was good. 

She truly needed that. 

They both did. 

She glanced up at the ceiling and then her stomach rumbled. 

“You know what would be good right now?” She asked softly, reluctant to break the silence. 

“What?” He asked as he began to wash himself. 

“Cheese. I think I want cheese.” She said. 

“Cheese?” He asked, raising a brow at her. 

“Yeah. And pickles.” She said as she glanced at his slightly amused expression. 

“I’ll see what I can do.” He answered as he ran his fingers through his hair.

 

........

 

*LEVI POV* 

 

Levi winced in his seat as he watched his pregnant fiancé shove a small wedge of cheese topped with a pickle slice into her mouth as she sat on the bed with her legs crossed, wearing only one of his button up shirts. 

God, pregnancy was fucking strange. 

The woman had started to crave the strangest combinations of food, and he was often having to make his way to the Mess Hall pantry late at night to satiate her hunger. 

But as long as she was fed and satisfied. 

She could be a real pain in the ass when she was hungry. The girl was small but if her stomach was empty, her attitude was relentless, never mind how sensitive she had recently gotten. 

One night she had even cried in frustration because her sandwich had not tasted as good as she had anticipated. He had held quietly her as she sobbed with the sandwich pressed between them, getting his shirt filthy. He had no idea what to say, really. He’d never experienced her so hormonal. 

But it was all normal.

That’s what Hange had told him to expect, and normal was good. 

Especially after all the fucked up occurrences that had taken place the past few months. 

Normal was very good indeed. 

He couldn’t deny it. 

He could hardly wait for her to pop the child out so he could have her back to normal. 

Sometimes, he felt like he was going to rip out his hair. 

“So how many weeks are you.. exactly?” He spoke as he watched her. 

He knew when to expect the baby to come, but he wasn’t exactly sure how far along she actually was. He didn’t know when she had missed her period or really how any of that shit worked. 

He never needed to before.

Lilly looked up as she swallowed and then took a sip of water before setting the glass on the nightstand. 

“I will be 13 weeks in two days.” She answered. 

Levi nodded his head thoughtfully.

Her stomach was starting to swell. It was really only noticeable when she was nude or wearing a tighter fitting shirt. And that made it even more real for him. 

This was actually happening.

Shit. 

Would he be any good at it? 

Being a father?

When did he ever experience being around children? 

He’d have enough time to figure it all out once that orphanage was done being built. He’d be going over there quite a bit. 

“Are you nervous? You look like you’re a bit out of it.” Lilly chuckled softly. 

He glanced back over to her and scratched his eyebrow with the back of his knuckle. 

“I am still digesting it I suppose.” He answered as he raised his tea to his mouth. 

“I think you’re going to do great.” Lilly said reassuringly with a gentle smile. 

Levi stared at her with a hooded gaze and then looked down at his tea. He wondered what the child would be. A boy or a girl. Really, he didn’t care either way. Like Lilly had said, healthy was most important. But it was true, he was a little apprehensive at the thought of it being a girl. Especially if she ended up looking anything like her mother. Lilly had to easily have been one of the most stunning women he’d ever been blessed to lay eyes on. 

God he’d be in some deep shit. 

The amount of faces he’d have to rearrange if he caught a boy even looking at his daughter the wrong way. 

It was probably inevitable.

A boy would be easier. 

Maybe?

Levi glanced over to the ring on her finger and sighed softly.

“You’re starting to show. You might have a hard time finding dresses as you get bigger.” He said as he gazed back into the dark steaming liquid in his cup. 

He could feel Lilly staring at him quietly now.

“What are you saying?” She asked as she placed her hand on her abdomen. 

“I’m wondering what you want to do, as far as the timing goes of when we get hitched.” He said as he met her eyes again.

She looked down at her plate and appeared to be thinking. 

“I’m not sure. I guess I don’t want to be too big, but I also feel like we should worry about the costs of the house.” She answered before slipping another pickle slice into her mouth. 

“I agree. But I also have to say, I don’t want a huge wedding. And it looks like we might end up building completely from scratch...” He said.

It just wasn’t his thing, being stared at by tons of people. He experienced that enough when he went anywhere to do anything. Besides, there were only a few that he considered close friends. As for the housing thing, he’d kept his eye out for anything that may suit them when he had to leave headquarters for meetings, and nothing had come up. It was more than likely that they’d end up picking a location to build on. 

And that wasn’t going to be cheap. 

He’d have to keep his eyes peeled for a good location, and then get Lilly’s opinion when he found one. 

“I understand. So perhaps just a small wedding? That way we can focus on the house?” She suggested as he shifted on the bed. 

Levi got up from his seat to sit beside her on the bed and then took her hand softly in his. 

“If that is what you want. But don’t feel like you have to sacrifice a bigger wedding just because it’s not my taste. We could put it off until after the baby is born. It may just take a while to save for it.” He said as he looked into her eyes. 

Lilly was quiet as she thought for a moment. Then she returned her eyes back to his.

“Then lets just do a small one. And we can do it soon before I get any bigger. Then we can focus our attention on the house.” She said. 

“Are you sure?” He asked.

“Yes.” She smiled sweetly. 

He felt himself melt inside as he looked at her. He was a fucking weak man when it came to her.

He really was.

“You shouldn’t be much bigger a month from now, should you?” He asked.

“I’m not sure. Never been pregnant before. Though if you keep giving me all this food whenever I ask for it, I can’t say I won’t.” She laughed. 

He rolled his eyes and put his hand over her face. She laughed and pulled his hand down to smile at him.

“So a month from now? That’s when you wanna do it?” She asked. 

“That should give us enough time to invite a few close friends and hire a priest.” Levi answered.

Lilly rubbed her arm quietly and sighed.

“We are getting married.” She said. 

“Yeah, So?” He asked. 

“I’m going to have your last name. Isn’t that strange?” She asked. 

“Mikasa’s last name too.” He added. 

Lilly chuckled. 

“You should go figure out the whole dress situation this upcoming week while I’m gone meeting with Historia for the orphanage business. Maybe see if April will help you out with that. I don’t know anything about dresses.” He said as he looked at her. “I could drop you off on my way.” He added. 

“Oh, okay. Yeah, that’s a good idea. I’m sure April will love that.” She said as she popped another pickle into her mouth.

“So I’ll let Erwin know. Alright?” He said as he took her empty plate. 

“Okay. But I’m still hungry.” She said. 

“You’ve got to be shitting me. You just ate that entire plate, and you had dinner not long before that. Have you looked at the clock? If anything you should be sleeping. You need restructuring as much as food.” Levi said in a low tone as he glared at her. 

“But I want food.” She sulked. 

“You can eat more in the morning, Brat.” He said. 

“The baby wants food.” She challenged as she raised her brow at him.

“Tch. Manipulating me now?” He asked. 

She then reached out for his hand and placed it on her lower stomach. It felt firm under his hand, and he felt his expression slowly soften. 

That was his child in there. 

So strange..

He lowered his head against her belly and sighed. He felt Lilly’s fingers comb through his hair and brush over the tip of his ear.

“Your mother says you’re hungry. I find that hard to believe. But who am I to deny either of you?” He asked in a defeated voice. 

“Great. I want fruit. I mean, the baby wants fruit.” She said. 

Levi lifted his head to look at her with a plain expression, but suddenly Lilly pulled him by his collar to kiss his open mouth. 

“Ugh, you smell like fucking pickles.” He said as he pulled away. 

She giggled as she draped her arms around his neck and pulled him back to her before she peppered even more kisses all around his face. His nose, his eyes, his cheeks. 

“Gross.” He said as he let her cover his face with her stinky little kisses.


	52. Busy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys! Thank you all for the love. Your comments really are appreciated more than you know! I’ve decided to upload two chapters today since they kind of go hand in hand. Lots of errands and running around for these two. Enjoy! <3

 

 

*LEVI POV*

 

 

 

“Come in.” Erwin’s voice called from behind the door.

 

Levi turned the knob and let himself into the office to find Erwin looking up from his stack of paperwork on his unbelievably crowded desk. Erwin gave him a small smile as he entered. 

 

“Good morning, Levi. How are you?” He asked. 

 

“Fine, thanks.” Levi said as he took his seat in front of Erwin’s desk. 

 

The blonde’s bright blue eyes were watching Levi with curiosity as he sat across from him. It probably peculiar that Levi showed up to his office without any official reason. If anything, Levi usually only came to drop off paperwork or to answer a request from him. It wasn’t often that he entered the office empty handed or without warning.

 

“Can I help you with anything? Is everything okay?” Erwin asked politely.

 

“Yeah. Everything is fine. I just had a question, thought I’d ask you before I went out to go babysit those brats in the training course this morning.” Levi spoke nonchalantly as he plucked a tiny fuzz off his sleeve. 

 

“What is it?” Erwin asked. 

 

Levi looked at Erwin with a hooded gaze and inhaled softly before speaking.

 

“I asked Lilly to marry me.” Levi said as he leaned back in his seat, eyes watching Erwin carefully as he awaited his reaction.

 

Erwin’s eyes were lit with surprise and then a smile crept on his face. He chuckled softly and shook his head. 

 

“You know, I never thought you’d end up getting married, let alone having a child. But I knew it wouldn’t be long before you asked her, considering she’s having your child. It’s strange, how things work out.” Erwin said as he leaned back in his seat. “But that’s wonderful. You deserve every bit of happiness coming your way. Congratulations Levi. Lilly’s a lucky woman.” Erwin grinned.

 

“Thanks.” Levi said before pausing for a moment. “Think I could get a day off a month from now?” He asked. 

 

Erwin looked amused in his seat.

 

“What?” Levi asked suspiciously.

 

“That’s when you’re going to do it? That’s pretty soon. Eager are you?” Erwin asked with a smirk.

 

Levi just stared at him expressionlessly. He wasn’t going to explain why they decided to do it sooner than later. He could already tell Erwin was loving this.

 

“Think you can make it?” Levi asked.

 

 “A month from now....” Erwin pulled a calendar out of his drawer. “That lands us on a Sunday.” Erwin looked back up at Levi. 

 

“That’s the day we are aiming for.” Levi said. 

 

“I’ll keep that day clear then. I’d be happy to go.” Erwin smiled. 

 

Well, that’s one person he could cross off his list. He was already dreading Hange’s response knowing she was going to definitely freak the fuck out. 

 

“Thanks.” Levi said as he began to stand. 

 

“Levi.” Erwin said, causing him to pause. “I’m curious. You got down on one knee, the traditional way?” Erwin asked. 

 

“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” Levi asked.

 

Levi turned and gave him a side glance. Erwin was waiting for him to answer. He himself never pictured himself doing that in his lifetime, and getting married in general was just never on his mind. He always had far too much on his plate, and never had the time to even consider dating. 

 

Not before Lilly came tumbling into his life.

 

Quite literally.

 

He remembered briefly how the young woman had been watching him with his horse from the wooden post on her first day. She’d been so clumsy that she knocked over multiple sections of the enclosure, landing in the grass, trying to hide her face from him like a child. 

 

God, her face had been beet red. 

 

He never expected to love the woman the way that he did. Sure he’d always found her attractive, but he never thought the feelings he had for her would have developed the way they did. 

 

It was unexpected, the way he felt like he  needed  her. 

 

She was special, and she  always would be.

 

Of course, his initial plan was to propose “traditionally” to her. The one typical and normal thing he could have given her after all the very un-normal occurrences they had persevered through. 

 

But when he was laying there in that clearing with her, looking up into the clouds, it just felt right. 

 

And their love was  anything but typical or normal. 

 

So he asked her then instead. 

 

“No. We were laying in the grass, looking at the sky. That’s when I asked.” Levi explained quietly.

 

“ You were?” Erwin asked, a surprised expression on his face.

 

“Yeah. I was.” He answered.

 

“You must really love her.” Erwin chuckled.

 

 

 

 

“I do.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

..........

 

 

 

*LILLY POV* 

 

The next day.

 

 

 

 

Lilly shivered in the freezing air that blew through the streets of Trost as she waited for an answer at April’s front doorstep.

 

She turned slightly to watch as Levi disappeared down the busy street. He was now on his way to meet with Historia and the other board members for the arrangements of the soon to be orphanage. 

 

Lilly was proud of him for being so involved and helping out for such a good cause in his spare time, even if it did take away from their personal time together. 

 

Levi had also notified Erwin of the date they planned to get married on the day before, and Erwin agreed to it of course. Levi and Erwin were close, and she understood that they had very strong trusting relationship with each other. She was glad that Erwin would be able to come. As for herself, she was waiting to tell everyone else before she had the opportunity to tell April first, only because she felt her best friend should be the first to know. 

 

Not to mention, she needed to find a dress and get that part over with so she could focus the rest of her time up until the wedding on preparing for their child. Babies weren’t cheap, and babies needed a lot of things. 

 

She wouldn’t be surprised if they were completely drained of their savings after this.

 

But Levi gave her a budget for the dress which she had tucked away safely in her pocket. It wasn’t a surprise that the man was good with keeping track of money. He was pretty particular with just about everything, and great with planning and sorting things out. He was always thinking everything through, and she greatly admired that about him. Of course, it wasn’t that she was bad with keeping track of money. She just never lived on her own, and wasn’t experienced in that sort of thing yet. 

 

So he kinda just took the reigns on that one. 

 

Lilly tugged her scarf up at her chin, and just as she was about to knock again, April opened the door and her face beamed excitedly when she saw Lilly standing in her doorstep. 

 

“Hey April.” Lilly smiled.

 

“Come in before you freeze to death!” April chuckled as she pulled Lilly into her toasty little home. 

 

Lilly looked around as April closed the door behind her. More furniture had been moved into the home, and the place was spotless. Of course, April probably didn’t have anything else to do in her spare time but clean really. Lilly found herself in a similar predicament now that she was also pregnant and off duty. It’s hard to go from training and working everyday to just resting. And Lilly was always the type of person who could keep still. 

 

April poured Lilly a glass of water and then led her to the table where they could sit down. 

 

“I’m glad you came. I’ve been bored out of my mind. I suppose you are too.” April sighed in her seat.

 

“It gets lonely. Levi is gone a lot now, and I can only clean the same things over and over again so many times before my brain melts out of my ears.” Lilly smiled. “But there is a reason I came today, other than wanting to see your beautiful face.” Lilly winked. 

 

“What is it?” April laughed.

 

Lilly lifted up her hand to flash the ring on her finger. 

 

“He proposed.” Lilly smiled.

 

April’s mouth dropped open and she practically threw herself over the table to look at the ring on Lilly’s hand.

 

“Holy shit... It’s beautiful!” April gasped.

 

“I know.” Lilly blushed and sighed as she glanced down at it herself. 

 

“Wow, I didn’t think he was gonna do it.” April laughed. 

 

“It caught me by surprise too. The wedding is in just under a month now. I want you to come shopping for a dress with me.” Lilly said. 

 

“Um, of course I will! Wow, so soon! Who’s invited to the wedding?” April asked. 

 

“We agreed it would be best to get it done now so we could focus the remainder of my pregnancy on getting the house business in order. But as for the people who are invited, you and Ben of course. The whole Special Operations Squad... I’m sure Historia will come also. Erwin, Hange, and Moblit. That’s probably it. We aren’t having anything too big and it’s not like either of us have any family...” Lilly gave April a weak smile. 

 

April nodded quietly.

 

They sat in silence for a moment. 

 

“I thought it would get easier. You know, our parents not being here. Not being here for our weddings or our children. What’s even more painful is that it seems like they just missed it. They’ve missed everything. It’s not fair...” April said quietly as she gazed sadly into her cup. 

 

Lilly swallowed and frowned.

 

Another moment of silence passed before she could look back up at April. 

 

“When we get to Shinganshina, and we find what’s in that basement, we will know the truth about everything we  thought we knew... we will get our answers. It hurts, losing them. But I just have to believe they’re up there watching us and smiling. We must continue living on, the way they would have wanted us to. And we will make sure our children know what wonderful people they were.” Lilly smiled softly as she reached for her friend’s hand. 

 

April stared at her for a moment and then squeezed Lilly’s hand in return. 

 

“You’re right, sorry to bring the moment down.....” April said. “Lets get out of here. I know a great seamstress downtown who helped with my dress. She’s fantastic.”

 

 

 

 

...........

 

 

 

 

The two young pregnant women walked into the seamstress’s shop and looked around them excitedly as they regained their warmth. The shop was well lit, and many different dresses, blouses, and skirts hung around on displays.

 

 The selection was really quite overwhelming.

 

 The owner of the shop appeared to be busy with a custom order at her work desk, but made sure to look up and acknowledge them. The woman was probably in her forties, but she looked good for her age. An unusual strip of white was in the front of her greying hair, probably a mark in her hair that had always been. 

 

“Good afternoon ladies!” She greeted. She then adjusted her glasses when she set her gaze on April. “Oh, I recognize you. You purchased one of my wedding gowns a month ago, didn’t you?” The woman asked April.

 

“Yes, I did. And now my friend here, Lilly, is getting married and I told her you did lovely work.” April smiled as she walked further into the shop, Lilly following close behind. 

 

“That’s so sweet of you!” The woman rose from her seat to stand in front of the two young women. “Well Lilly, I’m Greta. It’s nice to meet you.” The woman put her hand out warmly, and Lilly shook her hand gently with a smile.

 

“It’s nice to meet you too.” 

 

“Is there any kind of gown you are looking for in particular? Do you have anything in mind?” Greta asked.

 

“I’m not really sure... I suppose that I’ll just have to try a few on to get a good idea. Also I have a tiny concern...”

 

“What is it my dear?” Greta asked.

 

“I’m pregnant, and I’ll be 17 weeks along by the date of my wedding. I think I may be a bit bigger by then, so I’m a little nervous about the dress fitting the same on my actual wedding date...” Lilly said sheepishly.

 

“Well congratulations twice over! No worries my love, just try on whatever catches your eye, and leave the measurements and tailoring to me afterwards. If you follow me over here, these are my newest designs inspired by the Autumn season. I will not deny that I am extremely satisfied with my work, and I can assure you that you will be too.” Greta led April and Lilly over to a wall that hung a variety of white and ivory wedding gowns. 

 

April wasted no time filing through the rack, eyes wide with awe. 

 

“Wow, I’m jealous now. I wish I had gotten married in the fall! These are beautiful! Lilly, look at this one!” April said excitedly as she lifted a lace white dress with long sleeves and a slight plunged neckline. 

 

“Wow...” Lilly reached out to touch the dress. 

 

It was absolutely beautiful.

 

“This one took me a very long time to make. It’s definitely one of my personal favorites so far. Go ahead and try it on!” Greta said enthusiastically. “You’re a lovely woman, and I’d love for someone like you to show off my designs in a beautiful fall wedding.” She added.

 

“Well, thank you.” Lilly blushed a little. 

 

 “I see that you’re wearing a Scout coat, is your Fiancé a soldier as well?” Greta asked Lilly as she held the dress in front of Lilly’s front to get an idea of her measurements. 

 

April continued to file through the dresses, quietly gasping and clicking her tongue as she went. The woman had always loved shopping, and Lilly was glad that she took her with her for this special experience. 

 

“Yes he is, that’s actually how we met.” Lilly smiled. 

 

Just thinking of him made her heart flutter. 

 

“I can see you’re in love just by the mere mention of the man.” Greta chuckled as she reached for her measuring tape. “He must be a special man. How old is he?” Greta asked as she wrapped the tape around Lilly’s bust. 

 

“He’s 32, almost 33.” Lilly said as she watched Greta take down her bust measurement. 

 

April stopped and turned to look at Lilly.

 

“Wow he is deceivingly youthful looking. I thought he was just a bit older than you. But that’s almost a ten year difference.” April said. 

 

“Yeah, I was surprised myself.” Lilly said. 

 

“What’s his name?” Greta asked as she measured Lilly’s waist. 

 

“Levi.” She answered softly, a blush returning to her cheeks.

 

“Levi? Wouldn’t happen to be Levi Ackerman, would be? Levi isn’t a first name I hear very often.” Greta said. 

 

“Yes, that’s him.” Lilly answered. 

 

“I use to run into him frequently at the tea shop down town. Haven’t seen him in awhile though. But I suppose the scouts have had their hands full recently.” Greta paused to look at Lilly. 

 

“Such a small world inside the walls, isn’t it?” Lilly asked as she returned her eyes back on April who was now shopping through the veils. 

 

“That is true, very true.” Greta said as she focused her eyes on the measurement of Lilly’s hips and then recorded it on her notepad. “Okay, I’ve got your measurements. This dress here is designed to be form fitting. So just keep that in mind. You are a bit on the short side, but I can alter the length later if you do decide on this one.” Greta said as she proudly looked down at the dress in her hands. 

 

“Great. Let’s try it on.” Lilly smiled. 

 

 

 

 

..................   

 

 

 

 

Lilly turned around in the mirror to look at herself and her mouth dropped. The dress  was form fitting, but came out in a way on the ends that was very classic and elegant. It was a simple design, but very romantic and beautiful. The neckline plunged a little low, but it appeared to be an intentional move made by Greta. Her small bump was pretty accentuated in the dress, and would probably be even more so by the time she walked down the isle. The material was comfortable despite how it felt. It didn’t feel suffocating. But Greta was right about the length, it was a tad long. 

 

But all in all, Lilly felt beautiful in the dress, and it made her feel like a real bride.

 

“This dress is so elegant! You look like a goddess.” April gushed as her eyes teared up. 

 

Oh, the pregnancy hormones.

 

“You look exactly as I envisioned. Absolutely stunning, my dear.” Greta said proudly as she adjusted her glasses. 

 

“I love it, I really do. I must say, the neckline makes me feel nervous.” Lilly looked down at her bust. 

 

The neckline which came just between her breasts. 

 

“Nonsense. This dress is the depiction of femininity and beauty. It demands attention, and that is just what I was going for. Times are changing, my dear. Time to get with it.” Greta smiled as she put a veil on Lilly’s head, finishing the look. 

 

Lilly turned in the mirror and admired the way she looked. It was a beautiful dress, and it did make her feel confident and beautiful. And the veil really sealed the deal for her. 

 

Probably another intentional move made by Greta.

 

“Please tell me you’re getting this. Because if not, I’m going to get it just to wear around my house.” April said as she stared at Lilly.

 

She could picture herself walking down the isle to Levi in this. She could picture herself giving herself to him forever in this dress. 

 

“I’ll take it.” Lilly grinned. 

 

She immediately felt a wave of relief wash over her. 

 

Dress shopping,  check .

 

“Wonderful choice. I’ll make the alterations for it, and you can pick it up the day before your wedding. You’re going to knock the man out. Well, everyone out.” Greta smiled confidently. 

 

April clapped her hands and squealed excitedly. 

 

 

 

 

.............

 

 

 

 

Lilly returned to headquarters in the late afternoon after making the slightly steep payment on her dress. At least it was still within their budget. 

 

Lilly reached for the doorknob and turned it, and found that it was unlocked. She opened the door and then quietly slid into the office to find Levi was at his desk with a predictable cup of hot tea. He looked up at her quietly as she shut the door behind her and began to remove her coat. 

 

“So, any luck today?” He asked. 

 

“Yes.” Lilly smiled, not being able to contain her excitement as she sat in the chair across from his desk.

 

“That’s good.” He said. “What’s the damage?” He asked.

 

Lilly looked down as she reached into her pocket and grabbed the remaining change, and quietly cleared her throat as she slid it onto his desk in front of him. 

 

He stared down at the coins and then looked up at her silently.

 

“It was worth it?” Lilly chuckled nervously. 

 

Levi took the coins and slid them into his pocket, his eyes still locked on her.

 

“How was the meeting?” Lilly asked. 

 

“It went well.” He answered. “Obviously not the most exciting thing in the world. It was regarding resources for a small farm on the property of the orphanage. We won’t be able to feed the children on donations alone, and we agreed it was a good idea to teach them about farming and working.” Levi said.

 

“That is a good idea. It’s good for children to get into the habit of helping out. Will you be going back to the underground when it comes time to gather the children?” Lilly asked. 

 

Levi looked down at the paperwork in front of him and rolled his pen on his desk. 

 

“Yeah. I will.” He said quietly. 

 

Lilly nodded her head thoughtfully. 

 

“It’s good of you. For doing this for them.” Lilly spoke. 

 

Levi reached out for her hand over his desk, and she softly put her hand in his. 

 

“I also have some news.” He said. 

 

“What is it?” She asked. 

 

“I may have found a potential location for the house.” He said. 

 

Lilly’s eyes widened.

 

“Really? Where?” She asked. 

 

“Not far from where the orphanage is bringing constructed. Off the road by some trees. It’s quiet, and not too far from headquarters.” He said, his steely eyes meeting hers. 

 

“When can we go check it out?” Lilly asked. 

 

Levi paused for a moment and shifted in his seat. 

 

“Maybe this weekend. I’m busy the rest of the week. That’s the other thing I have to tell you.” He said. 

 

Lilly stared at him quietly. 

 

“Eren’s hardening tests have been successful the past couple of weeks. We have a proposal for Zackly about the construction of a device that can be built off the wall. It should be able to destroy titans without any men being sent out into titan territory. This could really change a lot.” He said. 

 

Lilly continued to look at him quietly.

 

“Hange, Eren and I will be staying tomorrow night in Mitras with a couple of our engineers, and we will be back here the following night.” He said. 

 

Lilly gave him a weak smile.

 

“You’re bringing a lot of change inside these walls, aren’t you?” Lilly said softly. 

 

“I’m sorry I leave you alone so much. I’d take you with me, but a long ride to Mitras wouldn’t be good on you right now.” He said in a low tone. “When I get back, we will go see that spot. If you like it, I’ll contact a contractor.” He said reassuringly. 

 

Lilly nodded and gave him a small smile. 

 

“I understand, Levi.” She said quietly as she sat for a moment. 

 

He stared at her silently, more than likely unsure of what to say. 

 

“I’m really tired now. It’s been a long day for me. I’m going to go lay down for a little.” Lilly said as she rose out of her seat and walked around his desk. She gently pressed a kiss onto his forehead, and gave him a hug before pulling away to retire upstairs.

 

 

 

“Okay.” He said quietly.

 

 

 

..........

 

 

*LEVI POV* 

 

 

 

Levi finished signing the report on Eren’s latest experiment, and then put it inside an envelope before leaning back in his seat. It was late now, but he had finally caught up on all his errands that he had fallen behind when he was out. By the time he got back from Mitras, he’d be able to spend a whole day with Lilly.

 

He was looking forward to that.

 

But as of now, he was drained. 

 

He was always busy with something. Supervising, training, writing, traveling to meetings. It was because things were really progressing inside the walls. Times were starting to change now that they didn’t have those corrupt pigs sitting in the capital and holding them back. 

 

But once everything was finished, life would be easier for him and Lilly, and soon their child. It would all be worth it in the end. 

 

Levi was grateful for Lilly being so understanding, even if he knew it hurt her to see him go so often. She had spent a lot of time alone now. Riding on horseback wasn’t easy on her, so traveling to see April often wasn’t too much of an option either. Thankfully, she had taken a liking to reading the books that had sat on his shelf for so long. 

 

Levi turned off the lamp in his office and locked the door before heading up the stairs carefully. 

 

When he reached the top of the stairs, he saw Lilly laying in bed in one of his shirts and her underwear, the lower buttons opened to free her slightly swollen abdomen. 

 

He stood before her where she lay, and he gently moved a lock of her ivory hair off her shoulder. Her chest was rising and falling softly as she slept, and small frown tugged on her lips. 

 

How did he get so fortunate? 

 

After changing as quietly as he could, he carefully slipped into the bed with her. He reached over for the newly made tincture Lilly had placed on the nightstand, and placed a couple of drops in his mouth before turning over and pulling the covers over her. 

 

She stirred in her sleep quietly, and her arm came flying up over his chest, feeling that he was there. Her eyes opened slightly and met with his before she scooted closer over to him. She flipped over onto her side and pressed her back up against his chest before he wrapped his arm around her. He rested his mouth against her neck and took in the clean scent of her hair. He reached up to touch her delicate face, fingers trailing over her brow down over her pouty bottom lip. 

 

She held his hand to her mouth and pressed her lips to it gently. 

 

 

 

 

 

“I do miss you.” She finally spoke. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I know.” He said into her neck.


	53. Over With

Two days later, Levi was just leaving the capital with Eren and Hange and were on their way back to headquarters.

The proposal for the machine that Hange had come up with was approved, and they could start construction on it as soon as possible. He had missed Lilly, even if it had been just one night away from her. He’d grown accustomed to laying in bed with her every night, the sound of her breathing being a comforting white noise for him. 

He glanced over at Hange and huffed.

He figured now would be a good time to invite Hange and Jaeger to the wedding, now that their important business in Mitras was taken care of.

The thing was, he was putting off telling Hange on purpose.

Hange was probably one of his closest friends. They’d talked a lot the past few years, and she was always amusing to him when things got dull around headquarters. He appreciated her intelligence and her creativity, and they worked closely together frequently. She and he were the Commander’s most trusted, for sure. But during the uprising, it had brought their friendship to a whole new level. Some of the plans and strategies that had gotten his squad through that nightmare were completely owed to the mixture of both their insightful minds. She thought in ways he didn’t, and vice versa. He appreciated her point of view, even if sometimes he couldn’t understand that wild mind of hers.

And well, she also helped save Lilly’s life. 

And that he was most grateful for.

But truth be told, she tended to be overly excited about certain things, and sometimes too touchy. But now they were on their horses, and she wouldn’t be able to reach out and squeeze the living hell out of him when he spilled the news. 

Now was his best bet.

“Hey. Hange.” Levi spoke as he rode beside Eren.

Hange turned her head to look at him from from her saddle.

“Yes, Levi?” She asked in a cheerful tone.

He cleared his throat awkwardly before he opened his mouth to speak. 

“I’m getting hitched three weeks from today. Figured you would want to come.” He said dryly, keeping his eyes straight ahead. 

“Whatttt?!” Hange squealed as she slowed her horse to ride at the same pace as his.

She reached out for him, nearly falling off her horse.

“For fucksake Hange, keep your hands to yourself.” Levi groaned.

“You’re getting married?!” Hange asked excitedly. 

“Yes, four eyes. Quit making so much fucking noise.” He said as he adjusted his horse’s reigns, glancing over at her quietly. “Can you make it? Or will you be busy probing titans’ asses that day?” Levi asked in a bored tone.

Hange grinned wide and her eyes lit up.

“Of course I will come! Levi, I’m so friggin’ happy for you! How exciting! I haven’t been to a wedding in so long! Oh I bet Lilly will look absolutely amazing in a wedding gown.” Hange held her reigns up to her chest as she sighed. 

“And you. Jaeger.” Levi glanced over to the young boy who had kept silent, trying hard to mind his own business. “Wanna come?”

“Uh, Yes Sir! I’d be happy to come.” Eren answered, obvious taken off guard by the fact that he was invited. 

Levi nodded quietly before returning his focus back on the road. 

“Good.” He said.

Hange continued to babble on in her typical energetic way about the details of the wedding as they rode on. It wasn’t hard for him to tune her out after about fifteen more minutes. But she didn’t try to hug him again. 

So that was a plus.

He sighed softly as he looked down at the silver leaf pendant that had snuck out of his shirt. 

 

Well.

 

That was easier than he expected. 

 

He wondered how everyone else was taking the news back at headquarters.

 

.............

 

*LILLY POV* 

 

“So why’d you ask us to meet you here? Is everything okay?” Jean asked. 

Lilly had asked Conny, Jean, Sasha, Armin, and Mikasa to meet her at the Mess Hall half an hour before dinner. She figured it’d be easier to invite them all at once, and that it’d be nice for them to all have some tea together. 

She hardly really saw much of them now that she was off duty.

And she missed each one of them dearly.

“Well, Yes. I just have some news that I wanted to share with you all.” Lilly said softly.

“Don’t tell me you’re pregnant again.” Conny said.

Sasha smacked him upside the head. 

“Ow!” He groaned as he rubbed the short fuzz on his scalp.

“Idiot.” Mikasa muttered. 

“No. I’m not pregnant, again, Conny..... that’s not how.. it.... works...” Lilly said with a slightly concerned expression. “Armin, I’ll let you explain that one to him.” Lilly smiled softly. 

“Why me?!” Armin groaned.

God, didn’t Conny’s parents teach him anything? She could hear her own mother’s words echoing in her head “That Conny boy.... he’s not very bright”.

“Well then what?” Jean asked, his eyes digging into her.

Lilly took in a deep breath.

“Well...I’m getting married. Levi asked me to marry him.” Lilly smiled. 

Everyone stared at her with their mouths hung open. Mikasa just stared at her blankly. 

“He.. he did?! Congratulations!” Sasha said. 

“Thank you.” Lilly smiled. 

“Wait.. let me get this straight.... the Captain got down on one knee?!” Conny asked in disbelief.

“Is it that hard to imagine him asking me? And no he didn’t, we were laying in the grass looking at the clouds.” Lilly explained.

All of them practically fell out of their seats. 

“Laying in the grass?! Did he get dirty?!” Sasha asked.

“Congratulations. Where’s the ring?” Mikasa asked. 

Lilly quietly put her hand over the wooden table and showed them the shiny new ring.

“Wow, it’s really pretty Lilly. Congratulations.” Armin said with a smile. 

“Thanks.” She grinned. 

“Wow, I’m so happy for you!” Sasha said. “When’s the wedding? Will there be food?” She asked.

“Three Sundays from now. And I’m not sure about that. We haven’t discussed what we’d do after the actual ceremony yet just because it’s going to be such a small wedding. But you’re all invited, and it’d mean a lot if you all could be there.” Lilly said. 

“I’ll be there.” Mikasa said. 

“Me too!” Sasha said.

“We all will.” Armin said. 

Lilly looked over at Jean who was sitting quietly. He gave her a soft smile and sighed.

“I’ll be there. Congratulations, Lilly. You deserve to be happy.” He said with a nod as he slowly rose from his seat to leave the Mess Hall.

Lilly’s expression dropped when he left, as the others talked amongst themselves about the wedding. 

“So, when are you getting your dress?” Mikasa asked. 

“I already purchased it. It won’t be ready for a while though.” Lilly said.

“Oh I can’t wait to see!” Sasha beamed. 

“How is your pregnancy going?” Armin asked.

“It’s going good, I’m just so sleepy all the time. And hungry. This baby is always giving me the weirdest cravings too.” Lilly chuckled. 

“Like what? What do you like to eat? ...Tell me!” Sasha leaned forward on her elbow, listening intently.

“Um.. I don’t know. I guess a lot of cheese? And pickles. Lots of those.” Lilly smiled.

“Mmmm.” Sasha hummed.

“Oh don’t get her started Lilly.” Conny groaned. 

Lilly laughed and smiled at all of her friends. She was lucky to have such good company. 

 

She just wished Jean had stayed.

 

..........

 

Later on, Lilly had tiptoed out of the bath and quickly wrapped herself up in a towel. 

Levi should have been back by now, but perhaps he got caught up in something. She walked quietly into the bedroom, dripping water from her hair onto the floorboards. She dried herself off the best she could before dropping the towel to the ground and creeping over to the closet to look for a shirt to sleep in. 

She stood there with with her hands on her belly, rubbing at the small swell in her abdomen. 

She was experiencing more cramps as each week passed. 

Then she felt something bubble up under where her hand was placed. She froze and her face dropped.

Was that the baby? 

It was so faint, it was hard to tell.

She rubbed her belly again, trying to see if that would cause it to happen again. Then she felt a stronger sensation within her uterus, definitely a movement. She covered her mouth and her eyes teared up as a wave of awe and joy washed over her. 

She actually felt her baby move. 

But just then, she felt strong arms wrap around her waist.

She screamed and turned around frantically to find Levi was standing there with an amused look on his face. 

“God dammit Levi. Why would you just sneak up on me like that?!” She panted.

She didn’t even hear a floorboard creak behind her. 

“I’m sorry. Usually you’re asleep by now, so I was quiet going up the steps. Didn’t expect to see you standing there...nude.” He pulled her back in to him, his nose brushing against her cheek bone, lips grazing her ear. “I did miss you.” He said. 

“I missed you too, you pervert.” She said softly. “I-I just felt the baby move..” She smiled as she looked into his eyes.

“What?” He asked as his hand swiftly flew down to feel her abdomen. “Just now?” He asked frantically, moving his hands around on her skin.

“Well before you startled me, yes. It did feel like little bubbles, like April said. I couldn’t feel it from the outside with my hand though, so I doubt you’d be able to.” She frowned gently at him.

A small frown tugged on his lips.

“Oh.” 

“But you will soon. Maybe by the time we get married.” Lilly said reassuringly. “The baby just has to get a little stronger.” She said. 

“He will be strong.” Levi said as he gently rubbed her abdomen. 

“Or she.” Lilly said with a raised brow. 

Just then she felt the movement inside her again, and her face lit up. 

“There, again. The baby just moved again.” Lilly placed her hand over Levi’s and grinned. 

“I can’t feel it, Lilly.” He frowned.

It appeared that he was genuinely disappointed by this. It was rather sweet. 

“No, but isn’t it special to know your child is moving right under your hand?” She said as she caressed his cheek. 

Levi lowered himself down to her abdomen and pressed his lips to her bloated belly.

“The proposal was approved for that machine.” He said quietly.

“That’s great.” Lilly said as she stared down at Levi who had his eyes closed.

“I also invited Hange and Eren to the wedding.” Levi said. 

“And, how’d that go?” Lilly chuckled knowingly.

“Obviously she lost her shit. But overall, well.” He smirked against her skin. 

“I figured. I invited the rest of the squad today.” Lilly said. 

“And?” He asked.

“They were all happy and they’re looking forward to it.” She said.

“Jean too?” Levi asked as he rose to his feet to look at her expression.

Lilly sighed softly as she remembered how quiet Jean had gotten after she spilled the news. He looked like he wanted to be happy for her, but he was being troubled within. 

“That’s a no, I assume.” Levi said. 

“I don’t know. He said congratulations and told me I deserved to be happy. He just didn’t look as thrilled as everyone else.” Lilly said as she walked over to the closet to grab a shirt.

“Well, feelings don’t just disappear. It probably wasn’t easy for him to hear.” Levi said as he begun to unbutton his shirt. 

Lilly slid a clean white undershirt over her head and then climbed into bed. 

“Should I talk to him?” Lilly asked. 

Levi turned to stare at her.

“Personally, I don’t think you should. What could you possibly say? The only thing that would ease that mopey kid’s mind is if you said ‘Levi doesn’t want me or my baby anymore, will you take over from here?’. Which, believe me, wouldn’t happen in a million fucking years. Just leave him be. That’s what I think. He’ll get over it eventually.” Levi said as he unbuttoned his pants. 

Lilly stared at him blankly. 

Levi had a point, perhaps it would be better if she just let him be.... 

It just made her uncomfortable knowing her friend was upset...

She felt Levi crawl into bed beside her and then wrap his string arms around her. 

“Rest well. Tomorrow we are looking at that plot like I said we would. If you like it, then that’s where we will live.” He said against her shoulder.

“I’m looking forward to it.” She whispered .

“Me too.”


	54. Hoffnungen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pre-wedding jitters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys, sorry I’ve updated later than usual. Thank you for your support and patience <3

“Here. This is perfect.” Lilly said to the Banker as she stood beside Levi.

The plot was beautiful. There weren’t any other houses close by, and there was plenty of room for a small home and a garden. There were a few trees surrounding the area, giving it some shade, but not completely blocking out the sunshine. She could actually picture a house there, and a small child running around through the grass. 

Levi looked around the area one last time before returning his gaze back to her as he put his hands in his coat pockets. 

“Are you sure? If you change your mind, we can’t just pick up the house and move it somewhere else.” Levi said as he glanced over at her. 

“Yes. There’s a perfect amount of trees around, but it’s not overly crowded.  It’s got the perfect amount of sunlight, and I bet it’d be comfortable in the hot summer with the leaves on the trees giving some shade. It’s perfect. The road is right there too.” Lilly smiled. 

“I agree.” Levi said as he looked around. “Well, you heard her.” He said to the contractor who he had asked to come just incase she had decided right there and then.

Levi was wasting no time making sure things were ready before the baby got there. She could tell he was going to make a good father. 

“Alright. I’ll have my men start on it first thing tomorrow morning. Give us seven weeks with the potential snowfall. I’ll have my team working on it as often as possible to ensure it’s done by then.” He said. 

“Good. Thanks.” Levi said as he took the pen from the banker to sign the sales paperwork.

“Seven weeks? That’s quick...” Lilly said.

“I’m paying them to be quick.” He said as the banker nodded his head respectfully and backed away with the clipboard. “Not to mention the layout that he drew out wasn’t all that complicated.” Levi said as he joined his arm with hers as they began to walk back to the horse. “I took a bit of inspiration from your parents’ layout, but just changed a few things to make it a bit more open, as far as the living space goes anyways. I decided that we could hold off and build an addition for the shop later on. Right now, I rather just stick to the basic necessities, and get us in this house as soon as possible.” He said.

“That’s a really good idea.. thank you.” She said. 

“You don’t mind? I just want you to be happy. That’s all.” He said simply as he helped her up onto his horse.

“No, I think holding off on the shop for now is a good idea.” She said. 

Things were coming together quickly for them, and the stress was starting to fall right off Lilly’s shoulders. The house was going to be done in just seven week’s time. In just three weeks, she’d be getting married. 

It was strange how things all turned out. 

She never intended to fall in love, get married or even have a child. At least not now. She had joined the Survey Corps to develop herself, make a difference in their world, and to see the world that existed outside of the ever so suffocating walls. 

But here she was, doing all of those things at the same time. 

Things may have not turned out the way she had initially planned. Maybe that was one the beautiful things about life. 

It was full of surprises. 

Some good, some painful. 

But regardless of which, they shaped her into who she was.

Now, she had a lot of things to be thankful for, and a lot of things to hold onto tightly.

And after experiencing so much loss, it made all her blessings so much more sweeter.

 

Everything in front of her was beautiful.

 

 

_And she’d never let it go._

 

 

 

 

 

 

.........

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Three weeks later....._

 

 

 

 

 

It was the day before the wedding. Three weeks had flown by quickly, and with each day that passed, Lilly’s nerves were kicking in. This was the last day she’d live as Lilly Holmes.

Tomorrow she’d take on a new name, and a new life.

It was exciting and nerve wracking all at once. 

Lilly was sitting in the bed, trying to decide if she had liked the wedding vows that she had jotted down. She’d never spoken in front of a group of people. So that was a concern. But she also wanted her words to be meaningful to her future husband. 

Would they be good enough?

Would he think that they are stupid?

“What are you up to?” Levi asked suddenly as he entered the room.

Lilly quickly flipped the notebook over and glanced at him. 

“Just writing.” She said. 

He looked at her suspiciously as he removed his jacket and hung it on the door. 

“How was training today?” She asked to change the subject. 

She really didn’t want to have to tell him she was scribbling down her vows for the next day. 

Levi walked over and sat on the edge of the bed where he began to remove his ODM harness. 

“Fine, I guess. A lot of the Military Police transfers aren’t half bad at ODM maneuvering as I expected. Mostly have to keep my eyes on the new recruits from Training Corps. We’ve got quite a few smart asses on our hands.” He answered in a bored tone. “As if I didn’t have to deal with enough of them.” Levi ruffled Lilly’s hair with a small smirk. 

Lilly grinned as she brought his rough hand down to cup her cheek. 

He gazed at her quietly before looking down at the blanket that she had pulled over her lap. 

“Are you nervous?” He asked in a low tone.

Lilly looked up at him and smiled softly as she played with her hair. 

“A little.” She answered as she met his hooded gaze. “Are you?” She asked.

He rubbed the back of his neck and let out a low sigh. 

“No. Not really. I did ask _you_ to marry me after all.” He answered. “Have you packed to go to April’s?” He asked. 

Lilly was leaving soon to spend the night at April’s so she wouldn’t see Levi again until she was walking down the isle. That actually was part of why she was so nervous. 

It just made it feel even more real to her. 

“I have. I just wanted to spend some time with you before I left.” She said softly as she reached for his arm and tugged lightly to get him to come closer. 

It didn’t take much effort to get him to crawl over the bed and to slip into the covers with her. He rested his head on her chest as she wrapped her arm around his upper back to run her fingers through his silky raven hair. 

It was always so soft.

He had just shaved his undercut again that morning, probably getting it out of the way for their wedding the next day. They laid there quietly for a few moments, the only sounds that could be heard in the room were the gentle puffs of air leaving their lungs.

Just then she felt the baby give a good kick. She instantly went to grab Levi’s hand and put it over the spot, hoping he’d get to feel it. He paused, waiting patiently for any movement. A few more minutes passed by, but there wasn’t anything else. He had grown so impatient the past few weeks, obviously jealous that she could feel the movements while he could not. 

“Hey. You in there.” Levi poked at her belly. “Stop messing around. Give your mother one more good kick. I have yet to feel how strong you are.” Levi said as he lowered his head over her belly, pressing his ear flat against her skin. 

They waited in silence for a few moments, but the baby didn’t move again. 

“I’m sorry Levi, you’ll feel it soon.” Lilly said as she ran her thumb over the tip of his ear. 

Levi didn’t answer, he continued to wait another minute. Lilly stared up at the ceiling as Levi poked at her belly, determined to get their child to move again. 

“Seems they are as stubborn as their father.” Lilly chuckled.

“Tch.” Levi scoffed under his breath. “Fine. No more pickles for you, brat.” He said into her stomach. 

Just then Lilly felt a strong kick through her belly, which went into Levi’s jaw as it was pressed against her abdomen. He instantly raised his head to look at her, disbelief and awe written on his face. 

Lilly smiled at him.

“They didn’t like that. Me neither.” She said. 

“I-I just... felt it..” He said quietly, digesting the fact. 

“Isn’t it amazing?” She asked. 

Levi raised his head up to kiss her on the lips and then lowered his face back over her stomach, his hand gently caressing her skin there. The baby continued squirming under Levi’s hand and face as he continued to speak, probably responding to the low vibration of their father’s voice. 

He was completely smitten.

“I... can’t believe it..” He spoke in a soft tone. 

“I know. Just wait until we meet them. I can’t stop wondering what they will look like.” Lilly sighed as she rubbed at the side of her stomach. 

“Have you thought of any names?” He asked as he lifted his head to look at her. 

“Here and there.” She answered. 

“Like what?” He asked. 

“Well... for a girl, I was thinking maybe after your mother. Kuchel.” She said. 

Levi stared at her quietly, a small smile slowly tugging on the corner of his mouth.

“Is that okay?” She asked. 

“Yeah. It is.” He said as he rested his head on her chest again. “That’s..... thoughtful of you. Thank you.” He said quietly.

Lilly kissed his forehead softly, then rested her mouth against his hair. 

“And a boy?” He asked. 

“Nile.” She said.

“Not funny.” He said in a dry tone. 

Lilly giggled and rubbed his shoulder.

“I like the name Seth.” She said quietly. 

Levi was quiet for a moment. She wondered if he liked that one. It hadn’t been a name that she was using to name after anyone in particular. She had just heard it in the streets of Karanes one time, and thought it had sounded nice. It was a short sounding name, yet strong and handsome. 

Much like Levi’s name.

“That’s a good name.” He finally said. 

“You like it?” She asked.

“I mean it’s different. I haven’t heard it before. But if you like it, then that’s what’s important. You are doing all the work here after all.” He said.

Lilly smiled into his hair. It was nice of him to give her the opportunity to pick what names she liked. But she supposed he probably didn’t care too much about that to begin with. He seemed more focused on making sure she was comfortable and happy, and making sure the baby would have whatever they needed. Though, she was sure he would care to an extent. 

“It’s really happening tomorrow...” She said quietly.

Levi laid on the pillow beside her and turned his head to study her face. 

“That’s right. Lilly Ackerman.” He said. 

She stared off into space and put her hand over her forehead.

“That’s so strange.” She said. 

“I don’t think it sounds bad.” He said. 

“No, you’re right. It doesn’t. Its just the idea of getting a new last name.” She said. 

“I could imagine. But, you’ll wear the name well.” He said as he weaved his fingers into her hair, gently pulling her face closer to his. 

Lilly reached up and held his face in her hands and pulled him in to kiss her. 

She wish she didn’t have to leave him tonight. She wished they could stay in bed like this, talking for hours in the warmth of their covers. 

“We should get going, as much as I’d like to stay here and kiss you.” He said, his grey eyes switching back and forth between hers as he moved her hair from her face, gently tucking it behind her ear. 

“I know. I’m going to miss you, even if it’s just one night.” She said quietly.

“It’s alright, you’ll be right back here tomorrow night.” Levi said. 

“Right, but there will be more than just kissing.” Lilly smiled devilishly as she slid out of the covers and got on her feet to walk across the room. 

 

“And I’m the pervert.” He muttered.

 

 

 

 

 

 

............

 

 

 

 

 

_Later that night....._

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lilly sat at the table with April and Ben in their home after Levi had dropped her off for the night.

Nerves were really setting in now. 

She kept spacing out and staring out into space as she sat in her seat, fingers tracing nervously over the rim of her tea cup. 

“I can tell you’re getting nervous.” April giggled. “Don’t be.” 

Lilly looked up at her and smiled softly.

“Pre-wedding jitters, I guess. I just can’t believe it. It’s so surreal.” Lilly said. 

“Well of course it is. You’ve been through a lot together. Which honestly should make your marriage that much stronger.” April assured her.

“April, don’t act like you weren’t shaking like a leaf when you walked down the isle to me.” Ben laughed as he leaned back in his seat. 

“It’s normal! Now that I’ve experienced it, I feel like I can assure her that there’s nothing to be nervous about.” April said defensively. 

“It’s not just that I’m nervous. I’m actually looking forward to it.” Lilly smiled. “I love him. I wouldn’t want this with anyone else.” 

“I’m so happy for you. You deserve to be with someone who loves you as much as he does. That man will always protect you and your little one. I’m confident in that.” April smiled. 

“I know.” Lilly said softly. “I wonder what’s going on in his head this moment.” Lilly pondered with a small smile. 

 

 

“Probably not much different from you.” April said. 

 

 

 

....................

 

 

 

 

*LEVI POV*

 

 

 

Levi sat on the edge of the bed and ran his fingers through his hair quietly. The room was quiet and dark with the night. Void of Lilly’s breathing or tossing and turning to get comfortable. He glanced over at her side of the bed and sighed softly to himself.

God, this was really happening. 

Where had the time gone? 

The weeks leading up to now had flown by so quickly. Lilly had grown slightly bigger, and she had started to get that glow that he had always heard people talking about. 

As if she couldn’t get anymore beautiful.

And tomorrow she’d become his wife. 

The thought made his stomach do flips and flutters.

He looked over to the nightstand and saw that she had left the tincture for him there. It surprised him considering he knew she’d probably not be getting any sleep with that mind of hers always going. 

Especially on a night like this. 

But, she also probably knew that he’d be unable to sleep himself. That was typical anyways.

He took it in his hand and rolled it around in his palms as he leaned forward.

It felt like it had taken his entire lifetime to convince himself that he was worthy of a love like this. Of the love she gave him. 

Truly, he never thought it’d come for him. So he buried the hopes of it.

He was under the impression that love and happiness was just something he lost any chance of, simply because of how his life had panned out. 

And that love was just something he got to stand and watch other people around him experience for themselves. He had grown content of the thought for awhile.

But that girl with moonlight hair and ocean blue eyes came tumbling into his life like the klutz she was, leaving a trail of fucking flowers everywhere she went.

_Changing everything._

Completely ensnaring him in everything that her soul was composed of.

 

 

Giving him that hope once more.

 

 

 

_He was a goner from the start._  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	55. Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been missing a long time, to know I had to move. 
> 
> I’ve been waiting my whole life, to know I wanted you. 
> 
> Are you feeling me slowly?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, so I’ve decided to post another double update. I want to thank you again for all your kind words and feedback. They always put a smile on my face. <3

 

 

It had been quite a rough night.

 

Lilly had hardly slept, tossing and turning with anticipation and excitement for the next day. She was still trying to digest the fact that she was going to become someone’s wife.

_Her Captain’s wife._

_Levi’s wife._

The fact that she was getting married almost made her fell like she was about to gain ten years of age or something too, as if she wasn’t already an adult. As if she hadn’t been a full grown woman for four years already. 

As she tossed and turned, she thought about what it would be like, married life. Would it feel any different? They had already been living together for a little bit, just not in a proper home. Was she going to make a good wife? God, she didn’t know if she could uphold Levi’s standards of clean for her entire life. What if one day she got tired or felt lazy? Knowing herself, that was bound to happen. 

But, also knowing him, he enjoyed to clean. 

And she also knew in her heart that he loved her, and if he had to pick up the slack one day or if she did do a real crud job, then he would take over. 

She sighed in relief that she was able to know that. 

To know that he loved her despite her imperfections, even giving how particular and strict he could be. She knew marrying this man was the right choice, and she could hardly wait until it was time. She glanced over and saw the sun was already starting to come up, and she had hardly a wink of sleep.

She could have taken the tincture with her. 

But she knew Levi would have been without sleep if she hadn’t left it. 

She rolled over on her side as the sun came through the window. 

Butterflies filled her gut, and he stomach started to grumble. 

 

 

 

It was time to start this day.

 

 

 

 

 

.................

 

 

 

 

 

After eating and getting dressed, Ben dropped Lilly and April off back to headquarters where she was able to get ready in an empty bunk room without anyone seeing her. Everyone else who was attending the ceremony was already at the Chapel just a couple miles down the road.

“Here, put the dress on.” April grinned excitedly as she carefully handed the gown to Lilly.

“I hope it fits okay.” Lilly said as she took the beautiful gown into her hands.

“It should fit. Remember she said it’d be form fitting, so everyone is going to see your little belly. This is going to be so sweet.” April gushed.

“He felt the baby move last night.” Lilly said with a smile, knowing April was going to gush over that too. 

“He did?! What did he do? How did he react?” April asked, Hazel eyes glued on Lilly’s expression.

Lilly started to slide into the dress and grinned as she remembered.

“He was just amazed. Speechless, really. It was so sweet. He didn’t want to move away. I imagine it was the first time he ever felt a baby kick. But I think it just made it more real for him, feeling his own child.” Lilly said as she slid her arms through the sleeves.

“Wow. I would have paid to see it. I can tell he will be a good dad. If you had asked me if I thought the same thing when we first entered the Survey Corps, I probably wouldn’t be able to give you the same answer.” April said as she zipped up the back of Lilly’s gown. “You definitely bring out another side of him, that’s for sure. I think you both balance each other well. I think back to the way you were before, and it seems he’s helped you grow a lot. I like him a lot for that. It’s good that we find people in our lives that help water and nourish us.” April said as she stepped back and looked at Lilly with pride.

Lilly smiled warmly at her friend. He words only confirmed that she was doing the right thing, and it warmed her heart to hear her say such things. 

“I’m glad I’ve always had you too, April. You’ve been nothing short of a sister to me, and I’m so excited to share this day with you and to raise our children together a few months from now. I’ll always be here for you too, no matter what.” Lilly said as she pressed her hand to April’s stomach. 

April wrapped her arms around Lilly’s neck and hugged her tightly. 

“I love you, but you’re going to make me cry.” April sniffled. 

“No, don’t cry, you’ll make me cry.” Lilly giggled.

April pulled away to look at Lilly, tears in her eyes as she looked her up and down. 

“You look amazing. How does it feel?” April asked as she wiped her eyes.

The baby had grown within her more than she had predicted during the past three weeks. But other than that, it still fit her beautifully, and she was very happy with it. 

“It’s great. I feel great.” Lilly said, her voice starting to tremble when seeing herself in the dress really set her nerves off. 

“Lilly you’re shaking. You’re worse than I was!” April laughed as she started braiding Lilly’s hair into a half up half down due. 

“This is terrifying, okay?!” Lilly laughed. 

“Hell yeah it is. But just think about all the sweet sex you’re gonna have tonight.” April laughed. 

“Good God April.” Lilly laughed as she covered her face.

“Hold still.” April said as she carefully finished Lilly’s hair.

Lilly turned her head in the mirror to get a better glimpse of her hair and smiled when she saw what a beautiful job April had done. She looked like a real life princess. 

“You did a beautiful job April, thank you so much.” Lilly said as she turned to look at her friend in awe.

“Don’t thank me yet. I still have this mascara cake from my wedding. And a little bit of lip stain..... I also have this liner, it’s good for accentuating the eyes. I figured you could pass on the blush because you’ll be doing plenty of that, knowing you.” April teased as she fished through a small bag. 

“I know, I’m a terrible blusher...... but I’ve never worn make up before.” Lilly said.

“I know, me neither. Not until I got married myself. But now I’m addicted to the stuff. Lilly, you’re already a solid ten. You’re going to knock Levi out when he sees you after I’m through with you.” April smiled confidently. 

Lilly paused to try and imagine what Levi’s reaction would be to her today. He was always so good at hiding his emotions. But today, would they slip? 

April took out the powder and started powdering Lilly’s face lightly.

“Well, I trust you. Do your magic.” Lilly smiled.

“Alright, just don’t blink.” April said as she dragged the wand across the onyx mascara cake. 

Lilly stared straight ahead as April coated her lashes with the mascara. She instantly felt a difference on her eyelashes, but remained still until April had finished both eyes. 

Next, April put a light layer of a blush lip tint on Lilly’s lips, followed by a thin layer on liner on her upper lid.  Then she stepped back. 

“Holy shit Lilly. You put the three Goddesses to shame. Look in the mirror.” April said as she stared at Lilly with a admiring smile.

Lilly turned her head and her eyes widened at the sight of herself. The makeup wasn’t too dramatic by any means. But it was enough of a change on someone who never wore it. It really accentuated her eyes especially. 

This stuff was amazing. 

“Well shit.” Lilly said as she looked at herself.

Her eyelashes were long to begin with, but now she just looked like a doll. 

She felt beautiful.

She felt like a bride, and deserving of the man she loved.

“No, really Lilly. I’ve never seen anyone more beautiful. Levi will be a very happy man seeing you walk down the isle.” April said as she handed Lilly the pair of silver earrings that they had chosen together. 

Lilly carefully put them in and stood up from her seat. 

“Thank you so much.” Lilly hugged April tightly. 

“Of course silly! Now let’s get out of here and get you hitched.” April grinned.

 

 

 

 

 

................................

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lilly stood outside the Chapel door with her stomach doing flips. She could hear the voices of her comrades as they sat in the benches inside. As soon as she heard the piano start playing, that was her cue to enter and make her journey down to Levi and the priest.

Lilly knew that normally, a father would walk his daughter down to the groom. 

But here she stood, _alone_.

Her Papa would not be here to walk her down, to kiss her cheek, and to watch her marry the love of her life. And neither would her mother. But in her mind when she was younger, she would always picture them being there whenever it happened, if it happened. Just like any other young woman would. Of course, she never planned to get married this soon in life, if at all. But the thought of her parents not being alive to attend at any point, never crossed her mind. 

A deep and dark aching pain tugged at her heart right then. 

She missed them. She missed them so badly, and she knew they’d both be so happy to witness this day, followed by a new grand baby just a few months after. 

Her eyes watered and she tried to fan the hot tears away so she wouldn’t destroy all of April’s hard work. 

Just then, Jean peeked his head out of the doorway and looked at her. He was in his formal uniform, and his eyes were glued on her, watching her fan her tears away.

“Jean, you’re not supposed to see me yet.” Lilly croaked, turning away to hide her wet eyes. 

“I-I know that.” He said as he stepped closer to her. “But I realized that you’d be walking down alone... and it made me sad... So I was thinking... why don’t you let me walk you down, as your best friend.” He offered with a small smile.

Lilly’s mouth hung open as she stared at him.

“I-I know technically April is your best friend and all, but I just figured it’d be nice to hand you off to him so you wouldn’t be alone. You don’t deserve to walk alone... not on a day as special as this.” He said quietly as he stood before her.

Lilly instantly wrapped her arms around him suddenly, catching him by surprise. He slowly relaxed and returned her embrace.

“You look absolutely perfect, by the way. Don’t cry.” He said softly into her hair.

“Thank you Jean. Thank you so much.” She smiled warmly at him as she pulled away.

Just then the music of the piano started. It was a beautiful melody that played, and she instantly felt herself freeze as anxiety filled her gut. 

 

_This was it._

“Hey, it’s okay. You’ll be fine.” Jean said as he hooked his arm with hers.

Lilly nodded her head at him and took a deep breath as they began to  walk towards the entrance of the chapel with her veil flowing against her back. 

When they walked through the large arched wooden doors, Lilly could see everyone had stood and turned to face her. Everyone was wearing their formal military uniforms, along with warm smiles and admiring eyes. 

At the end of the isle stood Levi, in his formal military uniform with his hair slicked back out of his face. She’d never seen him wear his hair this way before, but he looked incredibly handsome. His eyes widened when he saw her, his mouth even falling open slightly in awe. She felt herself blush as her heart started to do acrobats in her chest. 

She took note of the smiling faces of her comrades, of Erwin who had bowed his head and smiled as she passed. Of April, who was giving her a thumbs up as she passed. But she couldn’t keep her eyes off Levi and now handsome he looked.

Her heart started racing even faster as she slowly approached Levi with Jean by her side, and it almost felt like she was going to float out of her body.

Finally she reached the end of the isle with Jean where he nodded at Levi and then bowed his head respectfully as he handed Lilly over to him. 

Standing before him then, she felt like she didn’t want to look anywhere else but into his eyes. She couldn’t help but smile when she noticed him blushing at her. 

He was blushing at her. 

“You look.. r-really beautiful...” He said quietly as he gazed at her in awe. 

“Thank you.” She whispered and smiled softly at him as his steel orbs watched her.

Just then the piano stopped and the priest cleared his throat. 

“Today we are gathered together to celebrate the love of these two fine soldiers, and unify them together forever in the bindings of matrimony.” He said as he looked around the chapel. “As you know, the walls were named after the three Goddesses: Maria, Rose, and Sina. These walls have protected us, and granted us peace and unity. Here we will have these two join hands and bind them with the three ties of the Goddesses to represent peace, trust, and prosperity as they vocalize their promises to each other. Before they start, I would like everyone to remember the profound meaning of marriage. Marriage is not for the unsure, or for those who are not willing to put their own needs aside for their other half. It is not for those who are not able set aside their pride, and most certainly not for those who are unable to work together, despite their differences. This young couple is not only a prime example of what a successful marriage is made of, but a example of a successful team. Marriage is not always easy, but you get what you put into it. So may all of your love and support bless them on their new journey together that starts today.” The priest said as he looked out to the benches. “Now, Lance Corporal Levi, you may start your vows.” The priest spoke as he tied the three different colored cords around the two of their arms, tying them together as they looked into each other’s eyes. 

Lilly felt him lightly rub a circle over her trembling hand, comforting her as she gazed into those beautiful grey eyes. 

Levi swallowed. 

Everyone in the stone chapel was quiet, eyes boring heavily into the two of them. 

“Lilly.” He said gently as he rubbed his thumb over the top of her hand once more, perhaps even comforting himself. “I promise to love you, to respect you, and to take care of you, no matter what comes to pass in this lifetime.” He paused, staring down at her. “You’ve been the light in my darkest of times, and I promise to be yours. I will always provide for you and our child, and make sure you’ll never go a day hungry or without a place to lay your head. I promise that I’ll always protect you. I’ll never abandon you.” He said, looking straight into her eyes. “You’re strong on your own, but I promise that you can lean on me when you decide to. And if things ever get hard for you, I’ll build you up and support you, always. ” He finished, taking a deep breath. 

Lilly had started tearing up halfway through and cursed herself when a tear escaped. She quickly wiped it away and smiled at him. 

“Lilly, you may vocalize your promises to Levi.” The priest said. 

“Levi.” Lilly grinned as she looked into his face, trying to save this memory into her mind. The way he stared down at her, waiting. The way the light hit his cheekbones and the way his mouth curved his typical beautiful pout. The way his thumb continued to sweetly brush over her hand, assuring her she’d do fine speaking in front of these people. 

Memories of the day she first laid eyes on him ran through her mind, and her heart melted. 

It felt like her whole life led up to this.

_This moment would last forever._

Finally, she cleared her throat softly. 

“I promise to always stay loyal and true to you. I promise to honor and respect you, always. I promise to raise our child and home in a way you can be proud of. I promise to keep things as clean as I can.” Lilly watched as the corner of his mouth curved into a smile. “I promise to always lift you up when you are disheartened, just like you’ve always done for me. I promise to never lie to you, and always work on anything that may arise. I give you my heart, my trust, my love and my all, forever. I devote myself to you, always.” She said as another tear ran down her cheek.

Levi smiled at her and took in a quiet sigh. 

“Now that you’ve said your vows, you may exchange bands.” The priest said. 

April came up behind Lilly with Levi’s band, and a Eren came up behind Levi with Lilly’s, almost stumbling over his feet. 

“Sorry.” Eren mouthed to Levi. 

Levi just took the ring without a word and slid it gently onto Lilly’s finger, and then Lilly did the same for him. 

“Well now that the vows have been said, and the bands have been exchanged, I now bless your unity in the name of Maria, Rose, and Sina. With the power I have vested in me, I know pronounce you as Mr. and Mrs. Levi Ackerman. You may now seal your unity with a kiss.” The priest said. 

Lilly felt Levi’s hand wrap around her lower waist and pull her in to press his lips onto hers. She melted into the sweet kiss before they broke it and turned to face their comrades who were all standing and clapping for them. 

Lilly’s heart was racing a million beats a minute as they stood. April was smiling and wiping a tear from her eye beside Ben. Jean was grinning and clapping beside Conny and Sasha who were cheering. Erwin was clapping and smiling proudly at Levi. 

“Woo!” Hange cheered happily beside a quietly smiling Moblit. 

Levi began to walk Lilly down towards the back of the isle and glanced at her with a blush still on his cheeks. 

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” He asked.

“Not bad at all.” She grinned, feeling an overwhelming amount of happiness inside her.

They stepped outside and waited at the entrance for the rest of their comrades to come out, still high on the surreality that they had just gotten married. 

“So, congratulations you two. What a beautiful wedding!” Hange said as she hugged the two of them and then stood beside them as they waited. 

“Thanks Hange. Sorry we couldn’t put together anything to celebrate after.” Lilly said softly.

Money was tight for the two of them now that they had spent the money on the house’s construction and hiring the priest. Not to mention the cost of her dress. 

And they still had to buy things for the baby. 

Eren and Mikasa came out and hugged Lilly and just nodded politely at Levi. 

“Congratulations you two. You look great Lilly.” Eren smiled. 

“Thanks Eren.” Lilly smiled. 

“So are you guys celebrating now?” Eren asked.

“Well, we don’t actually-“ Lilly begun.

“Yes! We are going to head over to the Mess Hall.” Hange interrupted. 

Lilly and Levi looked at her with a confused expression. 

Just then Sasha, Conny, Historia and Jean came out to congratulate them. 

“What are you up to four eyes.” Levi asked Hange. 

“Well, I decided to throw together a quick something for you two so everyone could celebrate. I know you guys are putting most of your money towards the house and the baby so we all scraped together some money for food and drink to celebrate the wedding. You two deserve it.” Hange grinned. 

Lilly wrapped her arms around Hange and squeezed her. 

“Thanks Hange, you’re the best.” Lilly smiled. 

“No need to thank me.” Hange smiled.

“Lillyyyy.” April’s voice called from behind her. 

Lilly turned and was immediately embraced by an overjoyed April, with Ben smiling behind her.

“You did it. Congratulations.” April grinned.

“Congratulations to you both.” Erwin appeared beside April. 

“Thank you.” Lilly and Levi said in Unison. 

“I don’t know If we’ve ever had as many married couples in the Survey Corps as we do now.” Erwin smiled. 

“Okay everyone, we are heading over to the Mess Hall to celebrate a bit!” Hange announced loudly. “Let’s go!” Hange said excitedly.


	56. Slow Dancing In The Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When I’m around slow dancing in the dark, don’t follow me. 
> 
> You’ll end up in my arms.

A few hours later, quite a few of their comrades had gotten a bit drunk. Everyone was mingling in the Mess Hall, chatting and eating the remainder of the food before they all had to leave to clear the place for dinner time for the rest of the soldiers.

Lilly was happy to be surrounded by so many loved ones, and happy they all could be apart of it. They had all really made it quite special, and Lilly had even seen Levi give Hange a gentle nudge and thank her for putting it together for them. 

By the time they had returned back to their living quarters that night, Lilly was completely wiped out. It had been a long day. A beautiful and happy day, but a very tiresome one on her pregnant body. They entered the darkness of the office and treaded across the floor quietly to get to the stairwell. 

Once upstairs, Lilly sat on the edge of the bed and sighed as she watched Levi remove his military jacket. 

His hair was still slicked back, and had held through the day pretty well. She stared at him quietly, admiring his handsome he looked. 

“You looked handsome today.” She spoke softly.

Levi turned and gave her a side glance as he hung the jacket in the moonlight. 

“You think so?” He asked. 

“Yes, very.” She smiled. 

“Well, you definitely stole the show today. Look at you.” He said as he reached his hand out, offering it to her. 

Lilly looked at his hand with a puzzled expression. He stared at her quietly, waiting for her to take it. A small smile crept on her lips as she took his hand, allowing him to pull her up from her seated position. 

As she stood, he pulled her into him and placed her arms around his neck. She raised an eyebrow at him as she felt him rest his hands on her lower back. 

Then he started to move, and sway. 

_A slow dance._

Only the gentle moonlight illuminated the bed.

“Levi?” She asked, looking into his eyes, searching for some kind of answer. 

An amused expression slid across his face as he looked down at her. 

“What? You didn’t think I could dance?” He asked in a low tone. 

“N-no. I just didn’t think you would... I-I didn’t see you drink anything tonight..” She said. 

He rolled his eyes. 

“No, I didn’t drink. This Is something people _typically_  do when they get married. I know we weren’t able to have a _typical_  reception in the Mess Hall, so here. Here’s a slow dance. In the dark.” His nose brushed against her cheek as he smiled against her ear. 

Lilly smiled and pressed her lips against his jaw before resting her forehead against his neck as they slowly danced in the darkness of their room. 

“How does it feel?” He asked.

Lilly looked up into his eyes, unsure of what he meant.

“How does what feel?” She asked curiously.

“Being married to me.” He said.

Lilly grinned. 

“Hate it.” She smiled. 

“Tch. Me too.” He said as he pressed his lips against her temple. 

“Want to go get a divorce?” She asked, grinning as she pressed her mouth against his chin. 

“Yup. Can’t stand you.” He answered in a low tone as he continued to dance with her.

“You clean too much.” She smiled against his shoulder.

“Your jokes are bad.” He said.

“What?!” Her eyes widened. 

“And you smell like fucking pickles.” He teased, looking past her, obviously trying not to smile. 

“Oh yeah? I heard you humming in your office the other day.” Lilly smirked.

“I-I did not.” He said. 

“Did too, while you were scrubbing the floor. And you know what?” She asked as she looked into his hooded eyes as they continued to sway.

“What?” He asked in a challenging tone. 

“It was completely off tune.” She said flatly. 

“Tch.” He rolled his eyes, and suddenly she felt a sharp pinch on her rear and she jumped. 

“Oh sorry.” He Apologized dryly. 

Lilly clicked her tongue at him and furrowed her brows as he continued to slowly dance with her. He flashed her a crooked smirk as he gazed down at her from under his lids. 

_He didn’t smile often._

 

 

 

But when he did, it was contagious.

 

 

 

 

 

 

*LEVI POV*

 

 

 

Words could not describe how beautiful she looked in this moment.

Nothing was more beautiful, more pure than her. 

He continued swaying back and forth with her in the darkness of the room, only lit by the soft glow of the moon which caught her hair and her skin just the right way. 

After everything, his hardened heart still sang the same for her. For everything she did for him. For every good thing that she brought out in him. 

Levi leaned in and pressed his lips against her ear. 

“What did I do to deserve you.... can you answer me that?” He asked quietly.

He could feel that she was grinning with a big stupid smile at his words, and he couldn’t help but smile too. 

She chuckled quietly as she rested her head against his shoulder.

“We were fortunate to have found each other.” She replied softly. 

“Mm.” He agreed as he pulled her into him more, feeling the roundness of her pregnant stomach against his own. 

“How has this one been today with all the excitement?” He asked as he slid his hand around to place it on the side of her stomach as they continued dancing.

“They were kicking a lot while I was eating earlier. Seems we may have rocked them to sleep though.” She answered sweetly as she placed her hand over his. 

He felt his heart swell up in his chest at the thought of it. 

He gazed down into Lilly’s face and saw the love in her eyes that she already had for their child, even if they weren’t there yet. 

“Hey.” He spoke, causing her to look up at him suddenly.

“Yes?” She asked with a raised brow. 

“You’ll be a good mother. I just want to let you know that I think that. You have my support.” He said. 

Lilly smiled softly at him and tilted her chin up to kiss his lips. 

Her lips were always so soft. Each kiss left him hungry for another. It was always this way, and the woman had to of known it. Since the first time he had kissed her, he always found himself craving the sensation. Especially when he was troubled. Hell, he just always craved her. 

She always knew how to calm him down when he was pissed or irritated.

Just the sight of her was enough at times.

He gently raised his hand to cradle the back of her neck as he pulled her into a deeper kiss, savoring the plumpness of her lower lip. She parted her mouth, inviting him in to explore the wet cavern once more, meeting her velvety tongue with his own. His hand snaked up into her beautiful hair, and a soft and moan left her mouth. 

This instantly set his insides to flames.

Everything about her, he wanted to devour like a starving animal. Especially with how stunningly beautiful she looked. 

_But tonight was special._

So like a good tea, he’d take his time and sip slowly from her. 

He continued to kiss her at an even pace, taking in the sweet fast of her mouth, soft flutters filling his gut while his groin grew heated with desire. She reached her hands up to cup the sides of his cheeks as she kissed him eagerly, one hand slowly sliding down to his shoulder as he gently backed her against the wall. 

A small surprised gasp left her mouth when he tilted her head to the side so he may have access to the warm silky flesh of her neck. 

This was her weak spot, but one of his favorite places on her body to sink his mouth onto. The scent of her was heaviest there, and he loved to take it in. It was comforting and arousing all at once. He gently dragged his lips up her neck and pressed them firmly on the delicate skin behind her ear. He felt her shiver at this, and could feel her heart racing through her chest against his. 

He pecked softly at the spot, occasionally nipping there lightly, extracting more sweet moans from her kiss swollen lips. 

His teeth scraped at the base of her throat, and her fingers instantly went up to tangle in his hair. She breathed out his name in a desperate tone as he slid the sleeve of her dress off her shoulder to explore the silky skin with his tongue. 

He reached around her back and found the tiny zipper in his calloused fingers and zipped it down in one quick motion. 

“Careful.” Lilly panted, obviously concerned for her delicate dress. 

“It’s fine.” Levi assured softly her as he began to slide the dress down her beautiful body. 

Lilly eagerly reached up for his collar and started undoing his buttons as she pressed her mouth against his in a heated kiss. She felt just as hungry for him as he was for her, only she was in much more of a hurry to get his clothes off him. 

He smiled as she slid his dress shirt off him and went straight for his pants.  He reached out and stopped her hands on the button if his pants, causing her to look at him in a confused manner. 

“What are you doing?” She asked in almost a whimper. 

“You’re rushing it.” He said. 

“What-“

“We have all the time in the world tonight.” He said as he held her small face in his hand. “Let’s enjoy it.” He said. 

Lilly nodded softly in his hands, and he gently leaned in to kiss her again, setting a slow and rhythmic pace as their tongues danced together. He held her closer to him, feeling her breasts against his bare chest. He slid his hands down her warm skin, cupping her rear and lifting her up to straddle his hips. They continued to kiss as he carried her over to the bed and laid her down like she was made of glass. The light of the moon shined on her skin, and she looked like she could have fallen straight from the heavens as she basked in the white glow. 

He stood there for a minute admiring her. Admiring her glistening eyes, and how full of love they were. Her pink cheeks and pouty lips. Her breasts that were swelling for his child that she carried within her. Every dip and curve, every freckle and bend. 

All of her was beauty. 

All of her was his. 

“Levi.” She reached her hand out for him. “Come here. It’s cold.” She said as she batted her eyelashes at him. 

She was right. The room had become increasingly more cold as the weather became more bitter. Most nights they clung together tightly for warmth. This night would most likely not be any different. 

Levi leaned over her, feeling her hardened nipples brushing against his skin.  Goosebumps trailed over the expanse of her pale skin as he hovered over her. He sunk his head lower, lips lazily dragging over her breasts before gently latching onto one with his teeth. 

He had learned to be more gentle, given her condition. Really, he learned the hard way. He recalled briefly how one night he had been a bit too eager, and a bit too rough.

She’d given him a sudden good smack upside the head after yelping in pain. 

He carefully circled his tongue around the sensitive mound, drawing out whimpers from her. He sucked at her nipple thoroughly as she clawed at the back of his neck in a desperate manner.

After switching to the other breast, Lilly’s legs were clamoring together, and her eyes wide with anticipation, watching him carefully as he lowered himself even more down her angelic form. 

He planted wet sloppy kisses down her torso, and stopped to pay special attention to the dips of her hips where he firmly dragged his tongue against. She bucked her hips up slightly, legs still shaking from arousal. 

It was becoming increasingly difficult for him to ignore the erection in between his legs that was pressing tightly within his pants. 

He pressed his hands over her hips, holding her down before peppering kisses that trailed down above her heated core. He pressed soft kisses on the inside of her thighs, causing her head to loll to the side. She was growing impatient, and it only aroused him more to know she was this hungry for him. He continued to nip at her thighs, slowly getting closer to her womanhood. 

“Levi, please.” She whispered softly, still trying to buck under his rough hands. 

Why’d she have to beg? 

That always got him going. 

Now he couldn’t help but give her what she wanted. 

He dove his mouth into her silken folds, firmly pressing his tongue along her slit. She arched her back and whimpered as he held her down in his firm grip. He lapped and sucked at her sensitive bundle of nerves, causing her to grip at the sheets desperately. She arched her back with each movement of his tongue, her moans gradually becoming louder. 

He dipped his tongue in and out of her repeatedly, and the next thing he knew, her fingers became entangled in his hair. She tugged as her legs gripped tighter around his shoulders, breathing in a labored and uneven way. She pulled his face even more against her, bucking against his mouth. 

He went on for another good fifteen minutes, relishing her taste and the way she squirmed for him, stopping each time she got close to coming undone. 

He’d never seen her more frustrated.

“Please. Please.” She begged as she tugged at his hair, trying to pull him back up. 

Levi gave in, due to the throbbing in his pants. He wouldn’t be able to hold off much longer. He rose back over her, his lips meeting hers again in a ferocious and passionate kiss, tongues fighting for dominance in each other’s mouths. He felt her thrust her hips upwards to grind against him, drawing out another low moan from him. He let her continue to grind her hips up into him, savoring the pleasure as she looked him dead in the eyes. 

 _Vixen._  

If the woman was ever absolutely sure of herself, it was always in bed. At least that’s the way she made it seem. Sometimes the way she’d look him straight in the eyes as he took her, lips parted seductively.... she had to know what she did to him. 

Suddenly, she slowly slid on her back, lowering herself so that her face was just under his hips as he remained hovered above her. He watched her intently as she undid his pants, freeing his erection which she wasted no time taking into her wet little mouth. 

He clenched his eyes shut and let out a sharp hiss as she sucked and licked thoroughly at his tip, the sensation of her velvety warm tongue driving him mad. He panted with each firm lick, and by the time he decided to look down at her, she was already looking up at him, eyes fearlessly staring into his as she sucked on him. 

_Fucking Hell._

He began to thrust himself over her tongue, entering the back of her throat. She felt so good. Every part of her felt so good. But after a minute, he had to pull away from her. 

_God damn this woman._

She smiled at him smugly as she rose back up to place her head on the pillow. She took him in her hand as she began to kiss him again, and began to rub his tip along her wet slit, making his breath catch in his throat. She continued this lewd act, and drank up each of his moans as they continued to kiss. He reached his hand down to rub at her clit as she continued to rub him against her entrance, occasionally dipping his tip into the very opening of her. Soft, pretty moans left her mouth, her arms coming up to wrap around him in a sweet embrace as he finally bucked his hips and entered her all at once, causing them to both moan out in unison. 

She melted around him and pressed her lips against his chest and his neck, leaving gentle loving kisses as he moved within her. He moved gently and passionately as he savored this moment. 

It felt the same, but so much different now. 

But the thing he loved the most was knowing this was his partner for life. They’d still have to face the terrors and unknowns of this world, but they’d do it together, _always_. 

He buried his face in her neck as she gently clawed at his back, sending warm tingles down his spine. 

Every moment felt slow, and beautiful.

Every brush of their lips, every touch and every labored breath. 

Sweet and special.

He stretched out her arm to the side and lightly glided his fingertips against her silky skin as their hips collided. He pressed his lips against her shoulder as he entangled his fingers in hers, and then he glanced back at her. 

Tears were running down her face.

Everything inside him came to a halt. He panicked and looked into her pale blue orbs with concern.

“What’s wrong? Are you in pain? Am I hurting you?” He asked as he held her face.

She let out a snicker. 

He furrowed his brows in confusion as he stared at her.

“No, Levi.” She smiled. “I just, I love you so much. I’m so happy.” She said softly.

Levi stared at her quietly, his heart warming at her words. He pressed his forehead against hers and cradled her head in his hands as he began to move in her again. 

“I love you too.” He said gently before kissing her sweet lips. “More than you’ll ever understand.”

Her lips parted once more, inviting him in.

After a few minutes, he could feel her start to tighten around him, and her breathing became more uneven. She panted as he angled her hips, nailing her sensitive spot just right. 

“Levi.” She breathed, clenching onto the skin of his shoulders. 

Just then, he felt himself start to go over. Her walls started to clench onto him as she cried out his name, milking his orgasm right out of him with each thrust. He moaned into her neck as he held her face in his left hand, the intensity of it draining all the energy from him. They kissed softly for a few more minutes before sliding off of her carefully, avoiding putting any pressure on her pregnant abdomen. He then wrapped his arm around her to pull her against him, holding her close and letting her settle down against him. He felt her wipe a tear from her face and then smile against his neck as he smoothed down her disheveled hair, neatly tucking it behind her ear. 

They laid there quietly, catching their breaths as they basked in the warmth of each other’s body’s. After about fifteen minutes, Levi glanced down at Lilly to find that she was sound asleep, cuddled up sweetly against his chest, head resting under his chin. Their legs were tangled, her chilly feet stuck in between his thighs to absorb his warmth as always. 

He didn’t blame her for being so tired after such a long and eventful day, especially on top of being pregnant. He probably had drained the last bit of energy she had. 

She really seemed to have glowed that day. Her happiness was visibly beaming from her face, and that had to of been his favorite thing about that day. 

He sighed softly as he reached down to pull the comforter over their tangled bodies when he felt a tiny bump against his stomach. He glanced down and saw her stomach was pressed against his own. After he felt another small bump, he realized that the child was stirring within her now that she had fallen asleep.

Levi carefully reached for her abdomen to feel the tiny child squirming under his hand. 

It really was amazing to think that it was his moving in there, swimming around and doing whatever unborn children do. Probably was incredibly boring in there. 

But he imagined that it was probably incredibly peaceful as well. 

He felt the child move for about another hour off and on as he himself started to doze off into sleep. 

He cradled his wife closer, pressing his mouth against her hair and finally let sleep take him as their unborn child softly squirmed between them. 

 

 

 

_She is happy here with me....._

 

 

_And I’m finally alive....._

 

 


	57. Willkommen Zuhause

Snowflakes fell from the sky and speckled Lilly's jacket as she picked up a small box of books from the wagon and carried it into their newly constructed house. Levi had brought her the news that it was finished being built just the previous night, and they had stayed up pretty darn late packing everything they owned that could be moved. It was probably the most exciting news she had ever received. The idea of she and Levi having their own space to live in outside of headquarters was very appealing to her, considering all they had was a small room above his office for months. Now they'd have a kitchen, a bedroom, a living room, a bathroom and plenty of space outside too.

Not to mention their baby's room that she could hardly wait to decorate.

This was going to be _their home._

Lilly walked across the kitchen floor and placed the box down on the table that Levi had put together just a couple hours prior. It was surreal to see a table there, and picture the soon to be three of them sitting there and enjoying meals together.

"What the hell do you think you're doing? That box is way too heavy for you to be lifting." Levi nagged as he walked through the doorway with a large box of dishes.

"Levi, it's fine. It wasn't that heavy." Lilly assured him softly as she turned to face him.

His nose was pink, nipped at from the cold. It was rather endearing.

Levi placed the large box on the ground and then stood beside her, looking at her skeptically. He reached inside the box she had carried and pulled out a large brown book and held it up between them, a disapproving look weighing heavily on his face.

"This box is filled with dense ass books. It is absolutely not okay for you to be lifting things like this." He said as he dropped the book back in the box, eyes still boring into her.

"Okay." Lilly answered quietly.

She couldn't really argue with him when he was so set on his way. Some battles she just couldn't win with him.

And that took a lot of swallowing her own pride.

_But for him, she'd do anything._

He tilted her chin up at him with his finger, softly caressing it with his thumb.

"Look. I know you want to help. I just don't want you to hurt yourself. Alright?" He asked.

Lilly nodded her head in his hand before he leaned in to press his dry lips to her forehead. She really didn't feel like the box had been that heavy, but if he really felt otherwise, then she could find another way to help out. She was 24 weeks along now, and Levi seemed to be more watchful of her than he ever was.

He had kept his promises to her well, making sure she was protected and well at all times. He'd gone above and beyond for her, whenever given the chance.

And she had made sure to do the same.

She did everything and anything she could to make his life easier, to be of assistance. Sure there were points where she could tell that he needed space from the amount of stress that was put on him with all the responsibilities he had. It was only normal anyways. But sure enough, when he was ready, he'd always climb into her arms late at night, and reset for the next day.

She didn't think it was possible, to love this man any more than she did. Their love only proved to grow stronger, and their pranks on each other just as relentless. But who was she kidding, he was too much fun to pick on. His reactions were priceless every time, and she was always curious to see how he'd get her back. Most of the time, he got her when she wasn't expecting it.

One time she had poured pickle juice into his tea and gave it to him while he was sitting at his desk. She had been so proud at how well she had kept her composure as she quietly went upstairs to wait for his reaction.

Which as mentioned previously, had been priceless.

She had pressed her ear to the door, a big mischievous grin on her face as she waited for his reaction downstairs. After a few minutes, she had heard him gag.

" _Are you fucking kidding me." He had muttered._

She had giggled against the door, listening to him curse under his breath. Well, up until she heard him get up from his seat and start coming up the stairs. Then her stomach dropped and she leaned against the door to try and stop him from murdering her as she laughed.

" _Lilly, That was completely tasteless. My tea? Really?" He tried to open the door._

He kept pushing until finally she suddenly moved from the door, causing him to stumble in, making her laugh even harder. He chased her around the room until he caught her and pinned her to the bed, his eyes drilling into her own as she covered her smile with both hands.

" _I'll get you back. Just wait, you pain in the ass." He had said, a small smirk curving onto his lips._

And God, did he get her back.

Two weeks had passed since then. Lilly had pretty much forgotten about it. Really, she should have known when Levi had made her a bath one night.

That's when he got her.

At first, all had seemed normal. She had stripped of her clothing and stepped into the bath and sat down in the warm water, and leaned back to relax a bit against the edge of the tub. Levi had gone ahead and started taking his ODM gear off in the other room, and was out of sight. So as usual, she reached for her shampoo bottle and squeezed it over her head.

Only it was not shampoo.

It was pure pickle juice.

She shrieked as cold vinegar dripped down her face.

" _Levi!" She had shouted._

He slowly walked over to lean against the doorframe, his pointer knuckle curved up against his mouth as he looked at her.

" _Is something wrong?" He had asked._

" _Don't play coy with me, you jerk!" Lilly had snapped, as she reached for her soap bar off to the side._

Only, her hand didn't meet a soap bar. It was something cold and clammy. She turned her head and caught sight of a pickle sitting on the soap pad.

She slowly turned her head back to him, and caught him staring at her with a complete poker face.

_Fine._

Lilly didn't react, she simply rinsed her hair in the water and got out of the tub. After she wrapped herself in a towel, She went to brush her teeth, only to find that her tooth brush was replaced by a pickle in the cabinet. She turned to look at him again, and a complete blank stare met her gaze. He was keeping a straight face through it all, and it irritated her even more.

She stormed past him and then went to look in her drawers for clean clothes. Each drawer had been completely emptied out, and replaced by one slimy green pickle.

_Don't react. That's what he wants. Breathe._

Lilly shut the drawers without looking at him, and decided she'd just go to bed naked then. She opened the covers and then climbed into bed and rested her head down onto her pillow.

But something hard was in the pillowcase.

She reached her hand inside.

_And found a pickle._

She stood there in the kitchen and smiled as she remembered the incident. Of course she could laugh about it now. She wondered what she'd be able to come up with to get him back in their new home.

She watched quietly as Levi slid the large box across the floor to her.

"Here, why don't you just unpack these dishes and put them in the cabinets. I'll get a fire going so we don't freeze our asses off in here." He said as he stepped to walked towards the living room. "It's cold as hell." He muttered.

Lilly pulled her scarf up to her nose and picked up a stack of glass plates and set them on the counter. The woodwork in the kitchen was well done. Not to mention, there was plenty of light coming in through the windows over the counter and sink. She'd be able to set up small plants in the windows, maybe even some tinctures. They did best when the jars sat in the sun for at least six weeks. She definitely had enough room for a couple jars in each of the two windows. This was probably the sunniest side of the home too.

Lilly opened up a cabinet and set the stack of plates inside as she listened to Levi stirring the logs in the other room. She then returned to the box and pulled out a tea kettle and a few teacups. She sat them on the counter and stared at them with her hands on her hips.

Levi would probably appreciate a hot cup of tea right about then. She glanced over to the side at a box of food and herbs. Perhaps there would be some tea jars in that box. Lilly made her way over to the box and started fishing around in its contents. Eventually she found a couple jars of black tea, so she took them and set them on the counter and began to fill the tea kettle with water. She then heard Levi start unpacking the boxes in the living room after the fire started crackling.

The woody smell of the smokey fire filled the home. It reminded her a lot of her parents house, when they used to have a wood stove going in the colder months of the year. It had always been one of her favorite smells, only because there was really nothing better than curling up in front of a nice warm fire with a good cup of tea after being out in the bitter cold.

After Lilly had finished preparing the tea, she carefully carried it into the next room and stood behind Levi who was going through a box on the floor in front of the fire. He turned to look at her and then rose up to his feet to take the tea from her.

"Thank you." He said before pecking her on the cheek and then turning to look at the room.

"You're welcome." She smiled as she looked around with him.

There were three windows in this room, two to the right when you walked in from the kitchen, and one on the other side of the fireplace on the back wall. To the left was the staircase the led upstairs to the two bedrooms and the bathroom. The living room was probably her favorite room, even if it wasn't as sunny as the kitchen, it's windows being on the opposite side of the house. She liked it because it was rather spacious. And they had plenty of space to sit as a family. She could picture a little one playing on the floor while her and Levi sat together on the couch, perhaps sipping on some tea.

This kind of thing would have never appealed to her before.

But now, she couldn't be happier.

"This room is just about done. It's a good thing we don't own much." He said as he sipped his tea, glancing over at an empty bookshelf.

"That's true. We never really needed to own anything other than our uniforms, really." She said as she leaned into him.

He rubbed her arm briefly before setting his tea on a shelf.

"It will be a little empty in here for a while. But it will fill out as the years go on, I'm sure. I'll with out a doubt be picking up toys off the floor pretty damn frequently." He said as he took a rag and wiped off the mantle of the fireplace. "What do you think of this room?" He asked without looking at her.

"It's great. Very spacious. I mean, probably because there's only a sofa and a carpet but I think the baby will be very happy with the amount of space they'll have to run around." Lilly said as she rubbed her swollen belly which had only grown bigger the past few weeks.

The baby had become significantly more active, and a lot stronger too. She did start experiencing some mild lower back pain, but she was starting to get over her exhaustion. She knew it would be back for her though once she entered the third trimester.

"Yeah, I'm sure they'll be running. Between the both of us, were doomed to have a child that's just as active." He grumbled.

"Well, good thing you're quick on your toes, isn't?" She giggled as she disappeared into the kitchen to finish putting away the dishes.

...

Around noon, they took a break from unpacking and sat at the table with their meals. The room had finally started to warm up when there was a knock on the door. Lilly and Levi looked up and glanced at the door.

"Did you ask someone to come help?" She asked.

"No." He answered in a low tone as he rose from his seat to answer the door.

When he opened the door, there stood Queen Historia and two Military Police body guards.

"Oh. I wasn't expecting you." Levi said.

"I was passing through the area, and thought I'd stop by. May I come in?" Historia asked.

"Sure." Levi said in a low tone as he stepped aside to let her and the two guards in.

Lilly stood to hug Historia. She hadn't seen her in months since she became queen. She looked well, and had a really nice long jacket with fur around the collar. She definitely looked her part.

"How are you feeling? You're getting bigger now. May I?" Historia asked, reaching her hand out above Lilly's stomach.

"Of course." Lilly smiled.

Historia gently pressed her hand over Lilly's bump, and instantly smiled at her.

"Wow. It's a beautiful thing, isn't it? I someday hope to experience pregnancy myself. But I suppose I'll have my hands full for awhile at the orphanage." Historia said as she sat in her seat.

"Oh, yes you will. How many children will be there?" Lilly asked as she went to grab more tea for Historia and the guards.

"About thirty for now. I'll be staying there a lot with a few other assistants. But that leads me to the reason why I came." Historia said as she ran her fingers over the table.

Levi's eyes flashed over to hers as he waited for her to speak again.

Lilly was listening quietly as she poured the tea at the counter.

"We are leaving in two days to the underground to retrieve the children. The inside of the orphanage has been completed. The beds have been made and everything." Historia said.

Lilly turned around to place the tea cups on the table in front of Historia and the two military police who had been sitting quietly.

"Thank you, Lilly." Historia nodded at Lilly. "Captain Levi, I'd like you to come and lead us, since you are familiar with things there. We are leaving in the morning so that we can make most of the day." She said quietly as she held her cup in her small hands.

"I see. Where should I meet you then?" He asked as he gazed up at her.

"You can meet me in Mitras. We have had wagons built there that should keep the children warm and comfortable. It will be a day trip, so plan for that." Historia said.

Lilly sipped her tea quietly as she glanced over at Levi.

"Are you sure you want to go down there Historia? It's a disaster down there, and not to mention dangerous and filthy. It might be unnerving for you to see the complete shithole you've been sitting on top of the past few months. You've already got a lot on your plate." Levi said.

"Captain Levi, do you think I haven't already seen enough 'unnerving' occurrences the past year. I'm confident I can handle it. But I do appreciate that you'll be going, and I do appreciate all of the work you've put into this cause. Which is why I wanted to offer you something." Historia looked up and smiled.

"What?" He asked.

"Have you two found a nanny for your child yet, for when Lilly is back off leave?" Historia asked.

"No. We haven't had the time." Levi answered and gestured to the boxes on the kitchen floor.

"Well, if you'd like, I'd gladly watch him or her at the orphanage when the time comes. I'll be spending most of my time there, and I do enjoy new babies. It'd also be a good opportunity for them to be around other children. Especially if you're not planning on having anymore." Historia added.

Lilly looked over at Levi quietly.

"Look. I appreciate that, but won't you have your hands full enough as it is? With thirty other kids?" He asked.

Historia sipped her tea and set it down quietly.

"Sure. But like I mentioned, I will have assistants as well." Historia answered.

Levi looked over at Lilly for a moment and then leaned back in his seat.

"I'll let you know when I see you in two days. Lilly and I will discuss it in the meantime. Alright?" He said.

"Of course. Take your time, and explore your options. It's just an offer. Please let me know if there's any other way I can help you. But I must get going now, it was nice seeing the both of you." Historia said as she rose from her seat.

The two guards also stood as she did, and Levi stood to walk them to the door.

"Well, thanks. I'll see you in a couple days." Levi said.

"Thank you for the tea." Historia said as she walked out the door, followed by her two guards.

Levi shut the door and turned to look at Lilly.

She could tell his mind was busy. Probably a mix of anticipation and nerves. She knew going back to the underground would be hard for him, and probably bring back a lot of unpleasant memories. But he was doing it for good reason. To help prevent more children from having to live the life that he did.

And she was so very proud of him for that.

...

That night, after they finished putting together their bed and putting away their clothes, they laid in their freshly made bed quietly gazing up at the ceiling as they lay in each other's arms.

"What do you think of Historia's offer?" She asked as she stirred in Levi's arms.

"I don't know. I don't know if it's a good idea." He said as he continued looking up at the ceiling.

"Why?" She asked.

"Because I really think it will be too much for her to handle. Plus, these kids... I can only imagine what they've seen down there. Actually, I'm sure I have a pretty good idea. Who knows what kind of behaviors some of these kids might come up with. I don't know if I can subject my child to that." He said.

"Levi.. she's going to have help. There will be eyes on them at all time. Plus, you can't say for sure that these kids will come out with serious problems. Maybe scared, lonely and hungry, sure. But I doubt anything that would endanger our baby." Lilly said.

"You don't know, Alright? Some of these kids have been subjected to some real disgusting shit. These aren't typical orphans." Levi said in a slightly impatient tone.

Lilly took his face gently in her hands and caressed his cheek as she gazed into his eyes, reading an underlying hurt within them.

"I know I haven't been in your shoes. I haven't seen the things you have, or even felt the things you've felt. But, I know you've seen a lot as a child. A lot of things you shouldn't have, and you didn't deserve to have to go through any of it. But, you did. And you grew up to be a wonderful man and a top ranking soldier. And soon, a great father. The things that happen in your life don't define you. How you choose to live your life after is what matters." She paused to think for a few seconds as she stared at his concerned expression. "So what I'm saying is, while it's a possibility that these kids may come out of their situation a certain way, there's no way to know that for sure. Erwin gave you a chance, and you proved to be worth his investment. So let's not throw the offer out the window completely. We still have time. So let's just wait and see what the kids are like and how Historia handles them all. We still have four months before the baby is here, and six more months after that before my leave is over. Okay?" She asked.

She felt him relax in her hand before he reached up to pull her forward so that he could press his lips to her forehead.

"Thank you... for that." He said quietly.

"Of course." She spoke softly into his chest.


	58. Emelia

~March, 35 weeks.~

It had been one hell of a winter, that was for sure.

Lilly couldn't remember a year that had delivered more snow than this one, and it was just horribly cold. This meant she had plenty of time to practice her knitting skills, considering Levi hardly let her go out in the below freezing weather without good cause.

At first she was plain horrible at it.

She just couldn't figure it out no matter how hard she tried. It really had amused Levi the first couple of weeks. The monstrosities she'd create would make him choke on his tea from across the room.

" _What the hell is that?" He had asked one night._

_Lilly turned the creation in her hands, a wonky mess in reality._

_One of the sleeves was shorter than the other, and the neckline was crooked._

" _This? This my friend, is a sweater. For you!" She beamed from the couch._

" _Tch, that isn't a sweater." He sipped his tea._

" _No, really it is! Look closer!" Lilly said as she stood to walk over to him._

_He took it in his hands and inspected it with skeptical look on his face. He then gazed up at her from his seat and sighed._

" _Lilly, how do I put this gently..."_

" _It's shit?" She asked quietly._

" _Yes. It's shit." He confirmed._

" _Give me that." Lilly huffed and swiped her knitted creation out of his hands._

But Lilly was never short on determination. So she began to work even harder. Weeks had passed and she slowly started to improve. By April, she had created a few really decent articles of clothing. She had made a couple of things for Levi, which he was only seen wearing inside the house. Well, until she had forced him to wear one to headquarters to show off her hard work. But for the most part, she had knitted baby clothing for her and April.

And here she was, sitting in a recovery room, holding her best friend's baby girl in her arms.

She was wearing the tiny white sweater that Lilly had knitted.

Lilly looked down at the infant with pride.

She was absolutely stunning. She looked like a beautiful doll.

The tiny girl had her father's dark brown hair, but April's hazel eyes. Tears swelled in Lilly's eyes as she tried not to become too emotional.

Her best friend's baby was finally here.

She had left in a hurry as soon as she got the news. April had gone into labor a week past her due date, so she was anticipating it.

Levi had been busy at the orphanage at the time she had left, so she wrote a note to him and left it on the table for him when he returned home that night. It had been a couple months since the children at the orphanage had settled in, and Levi visited often to check on things and assist Historia any way that he could.

It had been a couple hours since Lilly had arrived at the small clinic in Trost, and she had spent the entirety of her time gawking over her new baby niece. She had practically died when she heard April refer to her as Auntie Lilly as she handed her new baby daughter to her for the first time.

Baby Emelia.

That's was the name that Ben and April had decided on. Lilly thought it had been a beautiful choice. It sounded so elegant and pretty, so it was fitting of a child that was sure to be spoiled and treated like royalty.

"I can't stop looking at her. She's perfect." Lilly said quietly, being careful not to wake the sleeping infant.

"Me neither. That was a rough labor, but she was worth every second of pain." April said quietly. "Soon your little one will be here too. About five more weeks, right?"

"Yes... and seeing Emelia has made me even more impatient." Lilly said with a sigh.

It was late now, and Ben had fallen asleep in his chair by the window. The dark haired soldier was snoring quietly, recovering from all the excitement from the birth of his new daughter. He had been overjoyed, of course. Lilly always pictured him being a good father. It made her happy to see her friend living such a joyful and blessed life. After all, they had seen so much hell together.

April really deserved a happy life, and Lilly hoped the children they had would be close.

Lilly gently stood with Emelia, and carefully handed her back to her mother. The love that filled April's expression when she stared down at her baby warmed Lilly's heart, and made her stomach flutter with excitement at the thought that her own baby would be there soon too.

Lilly pressed a kiss to her friend's forehead.

"I'll let you get some rest. Congratulations again." Lilly whispered.

"Thank you Lilly. Feel free to visit when we get settled at home." April smiled.

"Of course." Lilly whispered as she slid her jacket on.

After completely buttoning her coat, she gave April one last smile before quietly exiting the room.

Thankfully winter was slowly coming to an end, and by the end of the month it would officially be spring. There was still snow on the ground, but it was definitely starting to diminish.

When she finally returned home, she found Levi sitting at the table with a book and a cup of tea.

And he was wearing one if the sweaters she had made him.

"Awh, you're wearing it." Lilly walked over to him and pressed a small kiss to his cheek.

"It's warm." He said as he pulled her into his lap, and kissed her temple. "I saw the note you left on the table. How was it?" He asked as he reached up to rub the side of her stomach.

"April and the baby are doing great. Guess what she had." Lilly smiled.

"What?" He asked.

"No, you have to guess." She said as she smoothed down his black hair, brushing the tip of his ear with her finger.

"Tch, I don't know. A girl?" He guessed.

"That's right!" Lilly beamed. "Her name is Emelia. Isn't that so beautiful? If we have a girl, they're going to be best friends." Lilly sighed happily.

"Yeah. If." He said as he draped her arms around his neck.

"Stick stuck on having a boy?" She smirked.

"Not necessarily. I'll be happy either way. I just think a boy will be easier. That's all." He said as he dragged his lips across her neck.

Lilly was silent as he pressed kisses against her throat. She chuckled softly as he did so.

"How were things at the orphanage?" She asked with a smile as she tilted her head up to give him more access.

"Fine." He said against her skin as his fingers dug into her hips.

"What has been up with you lately? You can't keep your hands off me." She laughed as his hands snaked up under her shirt.

"Tch. So what. Is there a problem with being attracted to my wife?" His voice was muffled against her skin.

"Well obviously not. I just have noticed an increase in your libido lately. _That's all._ " She smirked.

"I hope you're not looking for an explanation." He muttered.

"And what if I am?" She challenged.

Levi huffed as he pulled her dress over her head and began pressing warm kisses to her bare breasts. Slowly, his hand snaked down into her underwear, where he curved a couple of digits into her. She let out a small gasp as she leaned back against the edge of the table. He began to pump them in and out of her as he pulled her in for a heated kiss. She tangled her fingers in his hair and moaned helplessly into his mouth. He drank up her muffled noises and then gently pulled her off his lap and turned her around.

"It's because you're absolutely beautiful, and I enjoy your body like this. It won't last forever, either." He said in a low tone as he rubbed her hips with his calloused hands.

She sighed softly as she felt him get up behind her to undo his pants. She quietly leaned over onto the table, exposing her rear to him.

This had been the only comfortable way they could have sex recently, since she had grown too pregnant to do it any other way without some sort of pain or discomfort.

But hearing him say that he thought she was beautiful was Reassuring. She had started to feel slightly self conscious as she grew bigger with their child.

Her belly was now touching the icy tabletop, and this caused her to shudder. Levi's warm hands came up to rub the gooseflesh away before pressing himself into her. He pressed gentle kisses into her shoulder before starting to move.

Lately, he had made it a point to be much more careful during sex. She hadn't exactly asked him to be. He just was. In fact, he was pretty cautious about every aspect of her pregnancy.

Sometimes it could be a bit much, with Levi being Levi. But for the most part, she found it sweet and comforting to know she had someone who cared for her that much.

She loved him for it.

Lilly moaned softly as one of his hands came up on the back of her neck, and the other gripped onto her hip as he took her gently against the table.

Sex might have been awkward and uncomfortable now that she was this far along, but she knew it was short term.

And it'd all be completely worth it.

...

After bathing, Lilly lazily wrapped a towel around herself and started to brush her teeth. Levi carefully scooted behind her with a towel around his waist and his hair dripping onto his muscular shoulders. It had been such a long day, and she was really starting to feel exhausted.

Lilly finished up in the bathroom and then groggily made her way over to the dresser to find a clean nightgown. Once clothed, she slowly crawled into bed and rolled onto her side. Silently, she watched as Levi finished getting clothed, the candlelight hitting his sharp features in a rather flattering way.

She sighed softly and closed her eyes, and drifted off to sleep before Levi even climbed into bed for the night.

...

In the middle of the night, Lilly woke up in Levi's strong arms. His sleeping face was right in front of hers, and she wanted so badly to reach out and touch it. He looked so peaceful and unguarded whenever he did get a good sleep, and that was rare.

Lilly's mouth felt dry, so she decided to climb out of bed, being careful not to wake her sleeping husband. She quietly made her way downstairs and poured herself a cup of water. She leaned against the counter as she slowly sipped from the glass, bathing in the pale moonlight that beamed through the window.

After finishing her drink, she started to make her way towards the stairway.

Suddenly, she felt a gush of warm liquid trickle down her legs.

She froze in horror, unable to move from where she stood, staring down at the growing puddle on the floor. Her heart started racing, and her fingers trembling as they clenched onto her gown.

 

_Not now._

 

_Its too soon._


	59. Chapter 59

"L-Levi!" Lilly screamed in a horrified voice as she clenched onto her gown at her chest.

She heard a loud thud on the floor upstairs followed by the sound of him running.

"What? What?" He asked as he ran down the stairs, deep concern written all over his face.

He stepped towards her and then stopped in front of the puddle on the floor.

He was just as frozen as she when the realization hit him.

"...F-Fuck." He said as he stared at the amniotic fluid on the floor.

"What do we do?! It's too soon!" She cried, her voice shaking as she stared at her shocked husband for answers.

He silently stared towards the door, eyes wide and lips parted.

"Levi!" She cried.

"Okay, you need to calm down. Alright? Hurry up and get dressed, I'm taking you to the infirmary. We will go from there." He said in an even tone.

It was evident that he was trying to remain as calm as possible so that he could keep her calm, despite the underlying uncertainty in his body language. But he was always good at this type of thing, specifically out on missions when things weren't working in their favor. He had a way of being able to hide all his real emotions deep inside so that everyone else wouldn't feel as lost and hopeless. And because of this, he was always able to properly assess a bad situation.

He was a good leader.

He was a good husband.

Lilly was still frozen, staring at the puddle on the floor, in complete shock that this had even happened. Why did this happen? Did she do something wrong? Was there something she could have done between? If she went into labor now, her baby could possibly face issues once they were born.

But now her water had broken, and there was no turning back.

This was happening.

And it was only a matter of time before the contractions started.

"Lilly!" Levi said as he grabbed her shoulders, bringing her back to focus.

She snapped out of her anxious thoughts and nodded her head obediently. She then went up the stairs as fast as she could manage.

Once upstairs, she clothed herself as quickly as possible. Levi was behind her getting dressed before she ran over to the baby's room which she hadn't quite finished decorating yet. She had wanted it to be perfect before they had arrived, but it seemed that a perfectly prepared nursery wouldn't be in the cards for them. She quickly let that thought pass as she grabbed the grey knitted blanket that she made and held it in her shaking hands, staring down at it blankly.

Could she do this?

She was going to have to.

Then a sudden tight pain hit her in the abdomen, causing her to clench her eyes shut.

It wasn't the worst pain she'd ever felt, but it was definitely not pleasant.

"Ready?" Levi asked as he appeared in the doorway.

"Y-Yes." Lilly breathed as the contraction started to peak, carefully making her way to him.

God this is actually happening.

Levi put his arm around her and helped her down the stairs. He helped her put her jacket and boots on as she clenched onto the grey knit blanket.

"It's going to be okay." He said in a low tone as he opened the door.

"You think they can handle this?" Lilly asked as he led her into the chilly night air.

They reached the horse and she stood quietly as she watched him saddle the creature, waiting for his response. He turned to her and looked at her with a calm expression and looked her dead in the eyes.

"At this point, I think so." He said.

Just then she started to feel her uterus tighten once more, and the pain gradually built to a peak as she leaned against the horse.

"Nnnn." She clenched her teeth, and furrowed her brows as she rode out the rest of the contraction.

"Okay lets get you on this god damn horse." He said as he reached out for her arm, clearly uncomfortable with her being in pain.

"Okay." She breathed as she began to step up so he could lift her the rest of the way.

Levi hopped up behind her and reached his arms around her to grab the reigns and then moved the black horse forward.

It was extremely late now, probably past 2am. The night was silent save for the wind that howled and made it feel more cold than it actually was. Levi's chest was firm against her back, and the soothing sound of his breathing kept her grounded as they continued to ride on.

Each contraction that passed seemed to grow increasingly more painful, and by the time they reached the infirmary, she was starting to tremble from the agony.

"It's okay, we're here." He said as he slid off his horse to help her down. "Let's hurry up and get inside." He said as he guided her towards the door.

Once inside they were greeted by many nurses and immediately escorted to a room. Just as Lilly started to lay back on the bed, another contraction took hold of her. They were coming quickly and getting closer together, and it was making her even more anxious about the entire situation.

She cried out in pain, gripping onto the blankets tightly. Every bone breaking in her body would have been more pleasant than this. She buried her face in the pillow to muffle her whimpering, feeling tears swelling in her eyes. Levi stared at her helplessly and turned to one of the nurses entering the room.

"Get Hange." He barked.

"Yes Sir." She answered in a slightly frightened tone as she turned in her heel to exit the room.

The other nurse came over to Lilly and rubbed her back as she laid on her side, holding the pillow up to her chest.

"Im Nurse Helen. I'm going to be your primary nurse, okay sweetheart? Right now I'm just going to check to see how far dilated you are, Okay? Everything is going to be alright." The nurse said assuringly as she continued to run Lilly's back as the contraction died down.

Lilly gazed at her and studied her kind face. She had warm brown eyes and dark auburn hair that hung over her shoulders. She had a very motherly feel to her, which in an odd way reminded her of her own mother.

Which she desperately wished she had right now.

"Will the baby be okay?" Lilly asked quietly.

"They made need extra oxygen for a short while, but you are pretty close to full term so there shouldn't be any other problems. We have a warm little glass case that if need be, we will put your baby in. This little box will be hooked up to an oxygen tank that will release inside, allowing your baby to get a more concentrated amount of oxygen into their lungs. It's nothing too complicated. But again, your baby may not even need the oxygen depending on how strong their lungs already are. That varies from baby to baby." Helen said softly.

Lilly nodded her head quietly and took a deep breath as another contraction began. The nurse continued to rub her back quietly as Lilly breathed and reached out for Levi's hand. He rubbed small circles on her hand sitting quietly beside her. She could tell his mind was busy by the way he stared past her, a blank look in his eyes.

Whatever he was feeling, he was hiding it well.

"Okay, I'm going to check your cervix before another contraction hits. I'm just going to need you to open your legs and relax." The Helen said softly.

"Okay." Lilly answered in a tired voice.

Lilly obediently rolled onto her back and opened legs to allow the nurse to stick a couple of fingers in to check her. It was uncomfortable, but mostly due to the amount of pressure already bearing down onto her cervix. Helen withdrew her hand and tossed her glove in the waste bin.

"So you're about four centimeters dilated. You have about six more to go." She said as she stood by Lilly's bed.

"Six? How long is this going to take?" Lilly asked, slightly panicked.

"There's no way to really tell. It could be hours. It could be tomorrow." Helen answered.

"Tomorrow?" Levi asked.

"It's possible. But I think she's progressed quickly so far, so I personally don't think it will be too much longer." The nurse said as she adjusted Lilly's pillow. "When it's time to push, you will know. Just call and we will come in to help you deliver." Helen smiled warmly as she exited the room.

Lilly sighed as she glanced over at Levi as he stared at her with a concerned expression in his face. Just as she lifted her hand up to stroke his cheek, yet another contraction took over her.

*LEVI POV*

He hated seeing her in pain.

It was hard to look at her suffering in this way, without a single way that he could ease it. All he could do was hold her hand and rub her back as she cried out in agony. It made everything inside of him scream. Each time she'd cried out, his body would tense uncomfortably as he looked down at her pained expression. She was clinging to his chest with each passing contraction, crying and whimpering into his shirt.

"Levi." She cried in his chest as another contraction started to take hold of her.

He silently pressed his lips to her hair and rubbed at her lower back as her body tightened against him.

The contractions were only getting worse.

"I'm here! I'm here!" Hange's voice called as she ran through the doorway.

She adjusted her glasses as she walked towards Lilly with her face buried in his shirt. Lilly didn't even lift her head to look at Hange as she normally would. She just kept breathing into his chest, pushing through the pain that she was in.

"How far is she?" Hange asked in a quieter tone, staring at Levi with concern in her eyes.

Levi glanced down at Lilly and sighed as he shifted slightly in his seat.

"Four centimeters." He answered in a low tone.

"Not bad. They seem to be pretty prepared here. I know it's not often they handle birthing here, but they seem to know what they're doing. I wouldn't worry too much if I were you, Levi." Hange said in a more confident tone.

Levi didn't answer.

Though this did comfort him more. He just wanted their child to be healthy. He wanted this all to be over already. He didn't want to see Lilly in agony like this any longer.

That was all.

"Do you need anything?" Hange asked.

"No. I'm fine. Thanks." He answered as he glanced up at her quietly.

"Okay, well I'm going to go have a look at that oxygen unit and check it over. I may be able to modify it, who knows." Hange said as she smiled at him.

"Yeah. Good idea." He said.

"Hang in there, Levi." Hange said with a soft smile as she left the room.

...

~Five hours later~

He could hardly stand it.

She was vomiting, the pain was so intense. The nurse had just left saying she was at eight centimeters, and that it would be time soon. Soon their child would be there, and he'd be a father.

It hardly seemed real.

How did things change so fast with in the short span if a year?

Just then he felt Lilly squeeze his hand as a whimper left her lips. He quickly moved to sit on the edge of the bed and pulled her into him as she cried into his chest. She breathed deeply and rapped her arms tightly around his neck, clinging onto him for dear life.

"I'm sorry." He whispered into her hair.

"It hurts so much. I'm so tired." She whispered.

"I know. You're doing a good job. It will be over soon." He said quietly.

...

*Lilly POV*

~An hour later~

"I need to push. Get the nurse" She breathed as an overwhelming amount of pressure weighed down within her.

"What? Now?" Levi stared at her in disbelief.

Lilly leaned back and puffed through the contraction, trying to resist the urge to strangle him as he stood there.

"Please just go get the fucking nurse!" She shouted as her contraction peaked.

Levi quickly left the room without a word.

Lilly swayed her hips, resisting the strong urge to push without the nurse present. It was extremely difficult, and the amount of pain she was in was causing her body to tremble. She'd never felt anything like it. It was wearing her out, body and mind.

"Okay we are here now." Helen said as she and Levi entered the room with one other nurse. "Just open up those legs again dear."

"Where's Hange?" Levi asked.

"She's getting the oxygen unit prepared as we speak." Helen answered as she sat on the bed.

Lilly opened her trembling legs and waited as Helen checked her. Levi wiped her forehead with a cool cloth as he sat beside her.

"Oh. Yup, that is a head. The baby has started to move into the birth canal. So when you feel your next contraction, take a deep breath and push with it. Okay?" The nurse asked.

Lilly nodded and squeezed Levi's hand tightly.

They waited quietly until the next contraction began. That's when Lilly took one deep breath and began to push.

"Good job. Just keep going, just like that." Helen said reassuringly.

Lilly then relaxed her body and breathed at an even pace until she had to push again.

It had to of been another hour before there was any real progress. She had hardly any strength left in her at this point. The baby just didn't want to come out.

"Okay the head is right there. I see a lot of dark hair." The nurse said in an excited tone.

Lilly looked at Levi and smiled for the first time since any of it had started. He leaned over and kissed her forehead gently.

"Keep going. You're almost there." He said in a low tone, his icy eyes meeting hers steadily.

Lilly nodded as the next contraction came and she gave one big push. She cried out when she felt the head leave her body, but kept pushing through to assist the nurse in pulling the rest of the baby's body out.

Then the pain was gone.

And tiny cries filled the room.

It was finally over.

Levi pressed his lips on hers and smoothed her hair down gently as she caught her breath.

"A boy." Hellen said as she wrapped the tiny child up and placed him on Lilly's chest. The nurses proceeded to deliver the placenta and clean her up as Lilly gazed down at her newborn son's face, falling in love instantly. He looked just like his father, with his dark hair and steely eyes.

But he definitely had her mouth and complexion.

And he he was just so small, he didn't even look real.

Lilly's eyes wandered around the baby's face, taking in the sight of his beautiful little face. She reached her finger up to stroke his little cheek as he gazed up at her, cooing softly as he settled in her arms.

Levi gazed down at the little child with a softness in his eyes unlike anything she'd seen in them before, and gently placed his finger inside of his tiny fist.

"He looks just like you." She said to Levi as he stared down at his son in awe.

"He does... You did a good job... and I'm proud of you." He said to her, looking up into her eyes with a rare and vulnerable expression.

She smiled and leaned to rest her head on his shoulder as they both gazed down at their newborn child. A warm and special moment that she wished she could have held onto forever.

"Seth?" She asked.

"Seth." He confirmed as he continued to hold his finger in the the tiny child's palm.

Just then Helen stood beside them, hovering over them quietly. Lilly and Levi looked up at her, waiting for her to speak.

"I'm sorry, but we have to take him just to be sure that he's healthy. We will bring him back to you after we make sure he is well." The nurse said in a reluctant tone as she took the wiggling infant from Lilly's arms, instantly shattering her heart.

She heard Seth begin to cry, filling the hallways with his tiny shrieks. She sat up straighter in her bed and a deep frown tugged on her mouth as she held herself, counting the seconds that her child was away.

Her chest felt heavy, and everything felt wrong.

It felt like her own limb was taken from her.

Levi stared at her quietly for a moment, studying her.

"He's fine. Don't worry." Levi said as he reached for her hand. "I mean, did you hear the way he screamed when they took him away? His lungs sound fine to me." He said.

"I wish they didn't have to take him away so soon. He just got here." She said in a bitter tone.

"They are being thorough. That's all." He said.

"I know. I understand." She said quietly. "Doesn't make it any easier." She mumbled.

Levi stared at her before reaching for the water pitcher and pouring two cups of water on the side table. He handed one to her and pressed his lips to her temple as she continued to stare at the doorway, waiting for her baby to be returned to her.

...

An hour later, Lilly was dozing off against Levi as he sat up, eyes still intently set on the doorway.

And then the nurses and Hange finally walked through, carrying their bundled up baby. Lilly's expression lit up immediately as they brought Seth back to her.

"He's going to be just fine." Helen said calmly. "Thankfully his lungs are developed enough so that he can breath on his own. But we just want to keep a close eye on him the next few days anyways. Also since he came a few weeks early, he doesn't have as much body fat on him to help regulate his temperature. So just make sure he's bundled up whenever his body isn't directly against yours. Other than that, he appears to he healthy and strong." Helen said as she pulled the blanket up over Lilly's abdomen.

Thank God.

"Thank you so much." Lilly said as she smiled with relief.

"Congratulations you two. You have a very strong and healthy boy. Though, I'm not surprised since he is yours after all Levi." Hange smiled.

"Thanks four eyes." He said as he gazed down at Seth.

"We will leave you three alone now. Just call if you need anything." Helen smiled as she left the room.

"Well, looks like everything is okay. I'll be by to visit you guys before you leave to go home in a couple of days. Is it okay if I tell everyone back at headquarters the news?" She asked.

"Of course." Lilly said as Seth began to fuss against her chest.

"Great, well he seems hungry, so I'll leave you be. Take care you guys, and congrats again. I'm so happy for you two." Hange nodded her head and smiled.

"Thank you for coming to check things over Hange, we appreciate it." Levi said.

"Of course." Hange smiled as she waved and exited the room.

The two of them both looked down at the fussing baby and then looked at each other.

"I guess you should try and feed him before he gets any more angry." Levi suggested.

Lilly nodded her head in agreement and carefully began to slide the sleeve of her gown off her shoulder and then down over one of her swollen breasts. She then held the child to her breast, offering it to his whining face.

To her surprise, he latched in almost immediately. And it was extremely uncomfortable.

Lilly hissed as the baby began to drink from her, but ignored the discomfort as she admired his sweet face as he ate. They sat in peace as they watched Seth eat until he slowly began to fall asleep in her arms. Lilly's eyes were beginning to flutter sleepily as well, and she could hardly keep herself awake.

"I'll take him. You should rest." Levi offered quietly as to not wake the sleeping infant.

"Okay. Thank you." She whispered as she glanced over to him.

Levi looked exhausted as well, but she could tell he was silently dying to hold his child. He gently took the tiny baby from her arms and kissed her cheek before he sat down in his seat. Lilly carefully rolled onto her side and watched as Levi held their child.

She was so sore.

Her whole body ached, especially down below.

But every second of pain, every ounce of exhaustion was all worth the sight that was unfolding in front of her.

She didn't realize her heart was capable of this much love.

She smiled to herself as her eyes slowly started to close, the beautiful view fading out as she finally drifted off into much needed sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright guys, sorry that took a bit to update. I had quite a few decisions to make this chapter. It's tricky not knowing exactly how things would be handled in the AOT universe, as they seem to have some decent technology here and there, but are still behind in some ways. But I did some research on babies born at 35 weeks, and mashed that up with Levi's Ackerman genetics and came up with this. <3


	60. Liebe

*LEVI POV*

_He did._

Seth looked just like him.

Levi stared down at his newborn son as his wife slept in the bed across from where he was seated. She had worked hard for hours, giving birth to this perfect and small child. They weren't completely sure whether or not he'd come out with fully developed lungs, but he beat the odds.

He was an Ackerman.

_That's why._

Levi was quite sure that their child would end up being a girl for some reason. Maybe because Lilly had talked about it on and on for months. So he had gotten quite used to the idea that their child would come out being a girl, and looking just like their mother.

Light hair and all.

But to his surprise, the child came out looking exactly like him, and a boy at that. Black hair, same colored eyes and eye shape. He had only very obviously inherited his mother's pouty lips and pale skin tone, which was only a shade or two lighter than his own.

The child was beautiful.

There was no denying that.

He only hoped that he could give this little boy more than he ever had, and continue to change the world for the better so that Seth would be able to live in nothing but peace.

He knew as he studied this child's face, that his purpose had become all that much more clear.

He would would continue to fight.

He would continue to help Lilly to grow stronger.

And they would return from Shiganshina District alive, seven months from then.

They would live a normal life, in this fucked up world, no matter what was thrown at them.

This was his life, and he was taking control.

That was his purpose now: to protect and serve both his beautiful wife and precious son.

If it meant laying down his own life.

He'd do it.

_For them._

...

*LILLY POV*

Her eyes fluttered open to the sound of high pitched cries filling the room.

She looked over and saw Levi holding a wailing Seth with a helpless expression on his face. Levi then offered the cranky child to her as she sat up in the bed.

"I know you're just waking up. But I'm pretty damned positive that he's hungry again." Levi said as he carefully transferred the fussy infant into her arms.

Lilly smiled, completely unbothered by the situation.

"I don't mind, I'm happy to take my handsome little boy. I feel much better after getting some rest anyways." Lilly said as she held her sweet dark haired child to her breast.

Levi seemed to relax after hearing her words and sat quietly in his seat beside her.

"Good." He said softly a he watched Seth latch onto her breast.

Levi tilted his head back quietly in his seat, slowly dozing off after about fifteen minutes. He had been awake for almost an entire twenty-four hours at this point now. He deserved some rest after coaching Lilly through her labor, supporting her every step of the way.

God, she was grateful for him.

About ten minutes later, Eren and Mikasa poked their head through the doorway.

"Hi, Hange told us the news." Eren whispered as he entered the room with Mikasa following close behind.

Eren noticed that the baby was nursing and quickly turned his face away.

"I'm so sorry, should we come back later?" Eren asked.

Lilly chuckled softly and shook her head.

"No, it's okay Eren. This is natural. I don't mind." Lilly said.

"Well I do, Brat." Levi said as he opened his eyes to glare at Eren.

"Oh, Captain. I-I uh just wanted to congratulate you two." Eren stuttered nervously.

"Levi. It's fine." Lilly said as she looked over to her irritated husband.

Levi huffed and pulled the blanket up over her chest to conceal their feeding baby.

"Fine, sit Jaeger." Levi said in a low tone.

Eren sat obediently with Mikasa giving Levi a look beside him.

Eren fiddled his fingers nervously as he waited for the baby to finish eating. Levi didn't keep his eyes off Eren once, making sure he didn't even look at Lilly in the wrong way.

"So his name is Seth, right?" Mikasa asked.

"Yes." Levi answered.

"A lot of Ackermans around here now, isn't there?" Eren chuckled nervously.

Mikasa reached for Eren's hand, appearing to try to calm him. He definitely felt uncomfortable under Levi's watchful stare.

"Seems that way." Lilly smiled as she brought Seth up to burp him on her shoulder. "Do you want to hold him a Eren?" Lilly asked softly.

"I haven't held a baby before.." He said.

"It's not complicated Eren." Mikasa said.

"Well I guess so.." Eren said in a slightly more eager tone.

Levi sat up straight in his seat and watched Eren.

"You better wash your hands before touching my kid, Jaeger." Levi warned.

"Uh.. Yes Sir!" Eren replied as he stood to go wash his hands.

When Eren and Mikasa returned with clean hands, Lilly carefully handed her peaceful son over to Eren.

"Am I doing it right?" Eren asked Mikasa.

"Yes Eren. Just make sure you support his head." Mikasa answered softly.

The young couple stared down at the child quietly, obviously admiring how beautiful he was. Lilly watched with pride as they looked down at her son.

"Wow... Captain... he looks just like you..." Eren said.

"He really does..." Mikasa added.

"Hey guys! Hope you don't mind, I brought a few friends." Hange said as she entered the room, followed by Conny, Sasha and Jean.

"Keep it down." Levi said from his seat.

"Yes Sir." Sasha and Conny said in unison.

Jean walked over to Lilly's side and embraced her gently.

"Congratulations." He said.

"Thank you Jean." Lilly smiled.

"Eren, I want a turn." Sasha whispered.

"Okay, Okay." Eren said as he gently offered Seth to her.

"Thank youuuu." Sasha whispered excitedly as she carefully took the baby into her arms.

Conny peered over Sasha's shoulder to look at Seth and his mouth dropped stupidly.

"He looks just like the Captain." He mumbled.

"I know. It's kind of scary how alike they look." Sasha whispered.

Hange walked over to pat Levi on the back.

"Well, you make beautiful babies Levi. Good job." Hange grinned.

"Lilly did all the hard work." Levi said as he glanced over to where she lay.

"Yeah, I suppose your job was the easiest part." Hange placed her finger on her chin thoughtfully.

"Don't be crude." Levi said as he crossed his arms.

"It's true." Hange smiled as she leaned against Levi's chair.

Lilly giggled behind her hand at the two of them before glancing back over to her son in Sasha's arms. Sasha seemed very happy holding Seth, admiring all the tiny details of his face.

"I want one some day." Sasha sighed.

Conny's eyes widened and his face flushed.

"Uhh Sasha, are you sure you are even capable loving anything more than you love meat?" Conny asked.

"Well of course! If it were my own child, sure." Sasha smiled. "And we could eat all kinds of great foods together." She looked at Conny.

Just then another knock sounded from the door. April peeked her head and and smiled excitedly at Lilly.

"Auntie April is here!" April sang as she stepped into the room to immediately get a look at Seth who was still in Sasha's arms.

Ben entered in behind April, cradling baby Emelia in his arms.

"It's getting crowded in here now." Hange chuckled.

April gasped in awe when she saw Seth, and immediately looked at Lilly with a shocked expression.

"Lilly. He's gorgeous. Look at the black hair." April gushed.

"Isn't he?" Lilly sighed and leaned back against her pillow.

It felt oddly satisfying to hear people complementing how pretty her baby was. She was just so proud.

And she was eating up every compliment she got.

"Okay sister. Hand over that baby." April furrowed her brows at Sasha.

"O-Okay." Sasha answered as she handed the tiny infant over to April.

"Oh hello, handsome." April cooed.

It warmed Lilly's heart to see her best friend holding her new child. There was a time when they were unsure if anything like this would ever happen for them. Hell, there was a point where they were positive they'd die before they had the chance to experience this.

But here they were, living in this blessed reality.

_Life was truly beautiful._

_..._

_~Later that night~_

It was dark out now, and everyone had left so that Levi, Lilly and Seth were alone together in her recovery room. She was grateful for all the visitors that had came to welcome her newborn son into the world, but she couldn't help but still feel a heaviness in her heart knowing her parents weren't there to see Seth's beautiful face.

It was bizarre to think, that had they still been alive, that they would be here holding her son. She longed to know what her mother would have looked like holding Seth, or how proud her father would have been to have a little grandson. She could almost picture them sitting in the visiting seats by the window, gazing down at Seth with love and pride in their eyes.

"Hey." Levi's voice startled her out of her thoughts and she turned her face to look at him.

Seth was sleeping in his strong arms, one of his tiny fists clenching into his father's shirt.

"What's the matter?" He asked in a low tone, icy eyes boring into her in an almost blank gaze.

Lilly sighed and leaned back against the pillow.

She hated it whenever he asked her what her problem was. Because she was always forced into telling him eventually. That was a promise they had made to each other.

No secrets.

Transparency.

Getting naked in front of each other was one thing.

But this was true vulnerability.

_This was true exposure._

"Just wish my parents could meet him. They'd be really happy." She said softly, careful not to meet his gaze.

She could feel him staring at her still, and it made her feel like she needed to shift her body around in the bed.

"I know how you feel." He said quietly.

She looked up at him and stared at him for a moment.

She imagined he was missing his mother as well during these times. He just never really talked about her often. It was obviously a delicate topic for him. But Lilly could tell just by the way _had_ spoken of her, that she was really special to him. She wished she could have met Kuchel Ackerman herself, and thank her for creating such a beautiful person.

Just then there was a quiet knocking at the door. Lilly carefully got up to avoid waking the baby, and opened the door. There stood Commander Erwin in full uniform, appearing to just be getting off duty. He towered above her greatly, and smiled down at her.

"Oh hi Commander." Lilly awkwardly saluted.

He chuckled and rolled his eyes.

"At ease Ackerman. Is it a bad time to come congratulate you? This was the soonest I was available..." Erwin said.

"Uh y-yes, thank you. Come in. The baby is just sleeping right now." Lilly said softly as she gestured the tall blonde into the room.

Lilly watched as Levi's eyes met with Erwin's and in that moment she could feel the pride radiating from Erwin as he looked down at Levi holding his child. Erwin's eyes beamed as he carefully took a seat on the edge of the bed directly across from Levi.

"Congratulations Levi. I heard he was beautiful but the rumors of course have done him no justice." Erwin said as he peered over to the sleeping infant.

"Thanks Erwin. I'm glad you could make it." Levi said quietly.

"Of course." Erwin smiled softly.

Lilly sat beside Erwin on the edge of the bed and watched as Levi carefully began to move from his seat.

"Do you want to hold him?" Levi asked.

"I sure do." Erwin answered as he put his arms out to receive Seth.

"Careful now. Don't go crushing him or something." Levi scolded as he carefully watched Erwin adjust his arms.

Erwin chuckled under his breath and shook his head at Levi.

"Just as I imagined. Overprotective." Erwin smirked as he looked down at Seth. "He truly looks like you Levi. Though, I must say he clearly has Lilly's pout. Not that you don't pout constantly or anything." Erwin chuckled quietly.

"Tch." Levi leaned back in his seat.

"It's true." Lilly added in with a smile.

"I can tell you'll be a good father. Look at you watching me like a hawk as I hold your child." Erwin said.

Levi rolled his eyes and lifted his cup to his mouth.

"It's not that I don't trust you. You just look odd holding a newborn. The size difference-"

Just then Seth started to squirm in his sleep and the three adults froze. Then Seth slowly opened his eyes and just stared at Erwin.

"Well hello there." Erwin said softly to the baby.

Seth opened his eyes wide at the unfamiliar voice, causing Lilly to giggle.

"Wow, you look like your father. Look at those eyes. You look like you want to reach up and choke me." Erwin chuckled.

"He kind of does." Lilly and Erwin looked over at Levi who was glaring at the both of them.

"Maybe I'll teach him how." Levi smirked behind his cup.

"Look at his hair. Isn't it so beautiful?" Lilly said as she ran her fingers over the feathery raven locks on her son's head.

"It is. He's going to be very handsome. Probably not very tall though." Erwin said.

"Yeah. Poor kid." Levi muttered.

"You never know. My father was pretty tall. He could inherit that... maybe..." Lilly said.

"Your mother was also very short... it's very unlikely that he will be any taller than me." Levi said.

"Well, it doesn't matter. Tall or short, he's perfect." Lilly said as she leaned over to brush her baby's cheek.

Seth looked up at her and then began sucking on his fist.

"He looks hungry." Levi said as he stared at his son from his seat.

"I think he's right." Erwin offered the baby into Lilly's arms.

"You eat so much." Lilly cooed softly to Seth.

"He's a growing boy!" Erwin grinned as he began to rise off the bed. "I'll leave you in peace to take care of that." He said as he smoothed out his scout cape.

"Thanks for stopping by Erwin. I know how busy you are, so I appreciate it." Levi said from his seat.

"Of course. Congratulations again. Enjoy your new family member." Erwin nodded with a smile as he quietly headed towards the door and then exited the room, carefully closing the door behind him.

"Well that was nice of him to make the time to stop here." Lilly said as she freed a breast to her baby.

"Yeah. Erwin is a good man. Sometimes his heart is too big for his own good though. But he has my utmost respect." Levi said as he stood to go sit beside Lilly on the edge of the bed.

Lilly rested her head on Levi's shoulder as he wrapped an arm around her and looked down at Seth suckling away.

"Does that still hurt?" Levi asked.

"A little. But I'll get used to it." Lilly smiled reassuringly.

"Glad I'm not a woman." He said.

"I'm glad you're not too." She winked.

Levi stared at her curiously and cleared his throat.

"How long-"

"Six weeks."

"Ah."

"Mhm."

"I suppose we will just be more careful this time around." He said.

"I thought we were being careful before." Lilly smirked.

"Even more so." He gave her a side glance.

Lilly rolled her eyes and chuckled before resting her head against his shoulder. She was enjoying having this time to adjust with the baby in the hospital, and having their friends come by to visit.

_But she just couldn't wait to go home._

_..._

After recovering in the infirmary for a few days, Lilly was finally cleared to take Seth home.

And life only got so much sweeter as they settled with the new baby. Levi was able to stay with her for the first two weeks to help her with Seth before he had to return to fulfill his duties at headquarters. During this time, Lilly really saw him grow into his role as a father, and at times he even tended to be a bit of a baby hog.

But if there was one thing Levi avoided, it was changing diapers.

"Levi! It's your turn!" Lilly called from the kitchen as she cradled Seth in her left arm as she stirred the stew with the other hand.

"Turn for what?" He asked from the living room.

"You know what." She chuckled as she reached for a couple of bowls in the cabinet.

"Tch. How much are you feeding the kid? Is it normal for him to be shitting this much?" He muttered as he appeared in the doorway.

"He's a baby, Levi. They eat, sleep and-"

"Shit. A lot. Obviously." He said as he walked towards her, eyes set on Seth who was sucking on his tiny fist.

"There, daddy is gonna change you, see?" Lilly cooed as she transferred Seth into Levi's arms.

"Oh. God." Levi gagged.

"The faster you take care of it, the less time you have to smell it." Lilly chuckled before pecking Levi's cheek.

"Tch." Levi scoffed as he entered the living room.

Lilly quietly walked over to the doorway and peeked into the living room to see Levi changing the wiggling baby on the floor.

"No, hold still. No- don't... ugh."

Lilly watched as Seth kicked his foot into the dirty diaper, getting poop all over his tiny heel. She covered her mouth to block a giggle from leaving her lips. Levi sighed quietly to himself before reaching over for the wash cloth when Seth then kicked his dirty foot onto Levi's shirt. Horror instantly took over Levi's expression and he gagged.

"Son of a-"

"Not in front of the baby." Lilly laughed from the doorway.

"Enjoying this, aren't you?" He glared at her.

"Only a lot." She giggled.

Seth grunted sweetly and kicked his legs as he stared up at Levi.

"Hold still." Levi sighed as he began to clean the baby's feet and bottom.

"You think he's gonna listen to you?" Lilly's asked.

"Probably not considering he's _your_ child." Levi said.

"Hah! What is that supposed to mean?" Lilly raised a brow.

Levi turned to look at her with a smug look when suddenly a fountain of urine shooting into the air caught Lilly's eye. She watched as Levi's face slowly became expressionless before he turned his attention back on Seth who had managed to pee all over the front of Levi's shirt. The room was silent as the stream gradually died down, until Seth sneezed and caused one last squirt to shoot out onto the front of his father's shirt.

Lilly instantly started cackling so hard that tears filled her eyes. She had to hold onto the doorframe for support.

"I can't believe it." Levi stared blankly at his squirming naked child. "You're just like your mother. Giving me hell already." Levi said as he slouched in defeat.

Lilly walked over to him and put her hand on his shoulder.

"Why don't you go clean up. I'll clean this up and bath him in the sink." Lilly offered with a grin.

Levi sighed and got to his feet, shooting the child one last glance over his shoulder before making his way upstairs.

_Life was sweeter, and stinkier with the new baby._

_But this was only the beginning._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More fluff scenes in next chapter <3


	61. Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I could feel the change.  
> The way you sing your song.

*LEVI POV*

Lilly was tired a lot.

He could see it on her face.

Seth turned out to be an incredibly light sleeper, and he just always wanted to be held.

Levi's eyes shot open for the fourth time that night when Seth's cries filled the house. He turned his face to see Lilly was staring at the ceiling with a blank expression, tears pooling in her eyes.

"Lilly-"

"He won't sleep." She said as she continued staring at the ceiling.

"I'll go get him." He said calmly as he got out of bed.

Levi treaded the dark hallway and made his way into the nursery as he rubbed his eyes. Ear piercing wails filled the room as Levi walked towards the cradle where Seth was kicking and screaming.

"Hey. Enough of that." Levi said as he gazed down at the wailing child. "You look like your mother when you cry." Levi sighed as he reached to pick up the thrashing baby.

Seth continued to fuss into his shoulder as Levi walked around the room with him, hoping the motion would soothe him.

But the child was relentless.

There was no doubt that Seth only wanted one thing, and that was his mother.

But Lilly was about to lose it if she lost anymore sleep.

So Levi was just going to have to win this baby's favor.

"Hey shh. It's okay." Levi said softly as he held Seth's head by his mouth.

Seth seemed to quiet down slightly as he started to speak, so he figured he'd keep trying to talk to him.

"It's okay, I'm here." Levi said into his son's ear, the scent of his little head rising up to greet his face.

Seth quieted down more and eventually started to rest his head against Levi's shoulder, fussing here and there softly. Levi continued to pace back and forth in the room for another thirty minutes until he was sure that Seth had fallen asleep. He then carefully made his way to the cradle where he gently laid Seth down on his back. Levi looked down at him quietly for a few minutes, taking in all his tiny and fragile features before turning around to head back to bed.

Levi carefully treaded the floorboards and just as he was about to climb back into bed with his exhausted wife, Seth began to cry once again.

Levi pinched the bridge of his nose in silent frustration as Lilly turned in bed to look at him. Without another word she climbed out of bed and started to head towards Seth's room.

He had tried. He really did.

He sighed and followed behind Lilly quietly as they entered their son's room.

If she was going to have to stay up with Seth, he was going to as well. Maybe he could learn a thing or two. Because a week into this whole parenting a newborn ordeal left him feeling pretty lost.

The kid most of the time just wanted his mother's tits, and really had no use for Levi.

He tried as hard as he could to help in every other way he could. But try as he may, he wasn't as good as Lilly when it came to making Seth happy.

He hoped that would change some day.

"Honey, it's okay." Lilly said sweetly as she picked up Seth who was sobbing into her chest. "Levi, you can go to bed. You don't have to stay up." Lilly said as she turned to him.

"Well, I'm already up." He said as he stepped towards her. "What's his deal."

Lilly looked at him briefly before looking back down at their screaming child. Then she started to sing a gentle lullaby. Seth started to quiet down almost instantly, only whimpering here and there.

Levi's eyes widened when he heard how soft and sweet Lilly's voice was. He had never heard her sing before. Really, it wasn't often he heard anyone sing. He quietly leaned against the dresser and crossed his arms over his chest as he glanced down at his feet, listening to her finish the song and effectively putting Seth back to sleep.

Levi looked back up at her as she carefully laid Seth back down on his back, and when she turned to face Levi, he noticed she was blushing. She quietly tilted her head down, obviously trying to hide the warm color on her cheeks as she passed by him to leave the nursery.

Silently, he followed her back to the bedroom where they both climbed back into the comfort of their bed. He laid on his back, looking up at the ceiling as she faced away from him. A few moments passed, but he could tell she was still awake by the pattern of her breathing.

"It's not something you need to be embarrassed about, you know." He spoke out.

She moved her head slightly to look over her shoulder at him before resting it back on the pillow.

"I never sang in front of anyone before." She said softly.

"I figured." He answered as he continued to look upwards as the light from the rising sun started to come through the window. "But it wasn't bad, and it did the trick." He said.

"You think that?" She asked.

He tilted his face to look at her.

"I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it." He said.

"Thanks." She said before rolling over to face him.

She smiled at him and reached out to stroke his face as she always did. He reached out and caressed hers just the same as the morning sun continued to grow brighter, filling the room with a warm glow.

So much for sleep.

...

"Congratulations Captain."

"Thanks." Levi responded to Historia who held Seth while seated at their kitchen table. "Have you thought anymore about my offer? He's awfully cute." Historia said as she gazed down at his son who was alert as all hell.

Lilly was upstairs napping at the moment, and he had told her to go and try to squeeze one in before Seth needed her again, so he'd been downstairs alone with him for a good almost three hours.

He'd been handling the situation quite well on his own.

"Yes. We have." He answered as he met Historia's big blue eyes.

"And?" She asked as she continued to rock Seth lightly in her arms.

"When Lilly starts her training again, we will let you watch him at the orphanage as long as there's someone there helping you. But understand that this is _my_ child. And if _anything_ happens to even one hair on his head-"

"Captain, do you take me for some irresponsible person? Seth will be perfectly safe under my care. You have my word." Historia cut him off.

Seems the title of queen had given her a set of balls to be cutting him off in that way.

_Tch._

"I'm trusting you." He looked her dead in the eyes as his hair hung over his brow.

Seth cooed softly as he looked up at her.

"I know."

...

~End of Two Week Leave~

"I love the both of you." Levi said softly as Seth slept between he and Lilly early in the morning.

Lilly reached for his face and stroked his cheek with her thumb. He closed his eyes in response, and reached up for her hand to hold it in place against his skin.

"We love you." Lilly said in almost a whisper.

He opened his eyes again and glanced down at his sleeping son, who looked completely angelic as his cheek was pressed against the bed. Levi lifted his hand to stroke the baby's silky black hair, and wondered how he had been so blessed.

"I wish you could stay here with us." Lilly said softly as she pressed her ear to her pillow.

"I know." He sighed.

That morning he'd be returning to his typical daily routine, and leaving Seth and Lilly at home. His heart felt heavy at the thought of leaving them alone. He strongly desired to be there to help Lilly with their son, and to protect them.

But what bothered him most was knowing that in just a few weeks, Lilly would begin the process of getting her body prepared for returning to serve as well.

The thought irritated him to no end.

He quickly pushed the thought aside and watched her carefully pull the blanket up over Seth's chest.

She was a good mother.

He was grateful for that. A lot of the times she seemed to know just what to do when it came to Seth. She could always figure out what he wanted when he was unhappy. Whether it be he was tired, hungry or uncomfortable, she always seemed to know.

He on the other hand felt clueless a lot of the time.

He'd never admit it, but he was envious of Lilly's natural parenting skills. She just made it all look so easy.

And _he_ couldn't even change a diaper without getting pissed on.

But that was okay, he'd learn.

And he could serve them in plenty of other ways.

And leaving today and supporting them was just one.

...

*LILLY POV*

She watched with heaviness in her heart as she watched Levi put his scout cape on in the kitchen, holding onto Seth tightly against her chest.

She hated that he had to leave.

She hated that he'd be gone all the time, and that he'd hardly see her or Seth now.

Finally, he looked up at her, and even she could see the reluctance in his eyes as he prepared to leave. He started to head towards her, his riding boots hitting the floorboards quietly with each step. He looked down at Seth who stared up at his father as he chewed on his fist.

"Take care." Levi spoke as he kissed Lilly on the mouth.

She closed her eyes, everything inside her screaming, wanting to reach out for him and make him stay. She opened her eyes as he pulled away, and then watched as he kissed his son's forehead.

"Don't drive your mother nuts. Alright?" He said as he brushed his knuckle under Seth's chubby chin.

"I love you." She said, underlying sadness in her voice betraying her calm appearance.

"I love you." He said before turning away without another word.

She could tell it was difficult for him too, and it almost felt like had he stayed in front of them any longer, that he wouldn't have been able to make himself leave.

She watched as he disappeared out the front door, and listened quietly as the sounds of hooves gradually faded away.

...

*LEVI POV*

He watched closely as the new recruits whirred in the air through the trees in the ODM training course. They weren't half bad, this group.

But they were nowhere as good as his squad.

It was just about noon now, and he'd been babysitting these brats all morning. Any moment Erwin would be coming to relieve him, and he'd be free to go sit and have a cup of tea before he set off on his next task of assisting Hange teach a refresher course on titan behavior and anatomy.

_For fucksake this day is dragging._

He'd think about Lilly or Seth and his stomach would sink.

Then he felt someone staring at him.

_It was her._

He glanced to the side and saw the new recruit that had locked eyes with him multiple times that morning during training. A red haired girl who for whatever reason had a staring problem. Levi could always sense when someone was staring at him, and he could always catch them before they looked away. But this girl appeared to have no shame or embarrassment when she was caught. Not like the way he'd catch Lilly looking at him.

No, this girl almost seemed satisfied and smug about it.

It kinda pissed him off.

He narrowed his eyes at her as she disappeared into the trees, and just then he felt a hand pat his shoulder.

"Eloise Vogt. Top of her class." Erwin's voice came from beside him.

"Tch. I don't care, seeing as she's bound to fly face first into one of these fucking trees if she's got her attention elsewhere constantly. You ready to take over from here?" Levi asked in a slightly irritated tone.

"Yes, you may leave. Good luck with that refresher course later." Erwin said.

"Thanks." Levi said as he walked through the grass and headed back to his office.


	62. To Work

"I bet you're missing them bad, huh?" Hange asked.

Levi didn't look at her as he stacked the worksheets up on the desk in the front of the lecture room.

"It's difficult. Yes." He answered simply.

"Well, the day is almost over." Hange said optimistically.

"Yeah. What time are they supposed to be here?" Levi asked as his eyes wandered around the empty lecture room.

"They should be trickling in any time now." Hange said as she looked at the clock on the wall.

"Tch. They have some nerve coming late. They must be aching for extra cleaning assignments." Levi crossed his arms over his chest.

Just then they heard footsteps fill the hall and then the recruits started to enter the room. He watched as they talked amongst themselves as they took their seats. Hange then stood before the chalk board with an excited grin, waiting for everyone to quiet down. But even after a few minutes, the brats kept talking.

Hange looked at Levi and nodded at him, so he took a sigh and looked forward.

"Pipe down!" He snapped loudly, silencing the room. They all looked at him with wide eyes and startled expressions. "Or not. And then you can miss out on valuable information and end up finding a comfortable home in the gut of a titan. Your choice, brats." He said in a dark tone.

The room was silent, so he glanced over to Hange, signaling that she may begin speaking.

Hange cleared her throat and chuckled nervously as she picked up a piece of chalk and began writing on the board.

"So welcome to your titan behavior and anatomy refresher course. You may be wondering why you are required to take this course when these are things you've learned in Training Corps, and the answer to that is loss control. Commander Erwin would like us all to take every precaution possible in hopes our loss on the battlefield will not be as large. So brushing over the basics is crucial, no matter how tedious it may seem. Any questions?" Hange asked as she pushed her glasses up on the bridge of her nose.

The room was silent so Hange turned back around to write on the board.

"So first things first, titans come in many shapes and sizes, and the behavior can vary from one titan to another. But typically they are pretty predictable. Their natural instinct is to devour humans, though eating isn't necessary in order for them to survive." Hange began drawing various titans, only the sounds of chalk hitting the board filled the room.

Levi felt the feeling of eyes boring into the side of his face as he watched Hange, causing him to look away. His eyes were met with the green orbs of Eloise. A small smirk curved on her lips as she leaned back in her seat.

"Abnormal titan behavior is often unpredictable, and they are extremely dangerous." Hange continued.

Levi looked away with a scowl. What was this girl's deal?

Then he saw her raise her hand out of the corner of eye, but he continued to pretend he didn't see her. It was clear that she wanted his attention. Would he give it to her? Absolutely not. Hange could call on her.

But, Hange kept speaking with her back to the cadets, clueless that the girl had raised her hand.

"I have a question." Eloise finally spoke up, causing Hange to turn around.

"Oh, Eloise. Go on." Hange said, obviously trying to hide how excited she was about answering a titan related question.

"When will we be allowed to take on an abnormal?" She asked.

"Well, typically we allow our vanguard and special operations squad to handle that kind of situation if we have the option to spare inexperienced recruits from such an ordeal. Other times, an abnormal will attack the flank or rear and it's a completely unpredictable situation, which requires whoever is available to deal with the situation to the best of their ability." Hange answered.

"How does one join the special operations squad?" Eloise asked.

Levi put his hand out to Hange, letting her know he'd answer this question.

"I lead the special operations squad, and I decide who joins." Levi answered.

"And what made you decide on the soldiers that you selected? Why are they so special? I get the feeling that no one impresses _you_ very easily, Captain." She asked with a smirk and a raised brow.

"Why do you want to know?" He asked.

"Let's just say, it's a goal I have my eye set on." She said.

Levi paused for a few seconds.

He didn't necessarily like being questioned why he did certain things, but for the rest of the recruit's sake, it wasn't harmful information to share. In fact, greatness as a soldier should be something that they _all_ strive for.

His mind wandered to the hell he and squad went through during the uprising. The strength and perseverance they all possessed. He remembered how Armin had shot that MP without hesitation, knowing they were to kill or be killed. He thought of Lilly who'd just found out she was pregnant with their son, and how hard she pushed and fought through the chaos, and even nearly died in order to do her part. The trust they all put in him as their captain that entire year... The hard decisions they made, and the execution of said decisions were what made them stand out from the rest. These were warriors, willing to lay down their lives to preserve humanity as a whole.

These new cadets hadn't seen anything yet, not even one mission beyond the wall.

And this girl was hoping to just join, just like that?

"The qualities that every member of my squad possesses in short are: skill, devotion, loyalty and the will to do what needs to be done, even if it's difficult. But even that could not summarize how greatly they have set themselves apart, nor how much respect I have for them. I handpick my soldiers. And you are right. _I am not easily impressed._ " Levi said with a stern glare.

Eloise appeared to be thinking as she sat in her seat watching him. Then another sly smile curved on her lips.

"Now does anyone else have any other questions before Hange continues the lecture?" He asked.

The room stared at him in silence, and then Hange continued the class.

...

Levi locked the door to his office and headed towards the stables to retrieve his horse.

It was getting late now, but he truly was looking forward to seeing Lilly and his son when he got home, and that seemed to have wiped away any exhaustion that may have accumulated through the seemingly never ending day that he had.

The ride home was quiet and short due to the fact that he didn't live very far from headquarters now anyways. When he rode up the house, he could see the warm yellow light from the kitchen, and everything inside him perked up.

What an odd feeling.

To have gone so long in his life not looking forward to going home, or even having a real home, to having this.

_Everything a man could ask for._

After unsaddling his horse, he made his way to the front door and opened it. He could hear Lilly shushing the baby in the other room. He looked to the side and saw that Lilly had already heated him a kettle of tea over the stove. He quietly proceeded to the living room where he saw Lilly pacing back and forth with Seth, who was still wide awake and looking around.

Then she turned and looked at him.

"Oh Levi. I didn't hear you come in." She said as she walked towards him with a smile.

She pressed a kiss onto his cheek and looked down at Seth who was staring up at both of them.

"He's wired, huh?" He asked.

"Yeah, he's not very tired right now. He took a long nap earlier but I used that time to clean..." She sighed. "How was your day?" She asked.

Levi started to remove his cape.

"It was fine. Definitely dragged while being away from you two." He said as he took off his tan scout jacket and folded it over his arm.

"Oh, you smell really clean. Did you shower at headquarters?" She asked.

"I did. Why?" He asked as he sat down to remove his boots.

"Well I ran a bath for you not long before you got here." She said as she took his cape and jacket from him to go hang it.

Levi gently took Seth from her arms and then sat on the couch.

"Well, seeing as I'm already showered, why don't you go bathe and I'll just stay down here with him. Take a break." Levi said as he gazed up at Lilly.

She looked exhausted. But she looked beautiful. The way she had her hair draped down one of her shoulders, the way the baby vomit-covered dress clung to her beautiful form in the most flattering way, it made him want to wrap his arms around her and pull her into him.

He pushed the thought aside as she was still recovering from childbirth, and being intimate was not in the cards for another few weeks. It was best not to tease himself with such lustful thoughts.

"Thank you." She said softly before hurrying to the bathroom, seeming in fear that Seth would start crying any second for her attention.

"Take your time, don't worry about it. I got it." He said as he looked down into Seth's grey eyes.

Levi held Set up, his hands holding him under his armpits as he gazed into his little face. The child appeared mesmerized by him, just staring at him blankly.

"Did you behave for your mother? Or were you trouble?" Levi asked in a flat tone.

Seth continued starring at him with no expression.

"You look guilty to me." Levi said.

Seth blew a spit bubble in response.

"Gross." Levi said as he gently wiped away the drool with his thumb.

He then pulled Seth against his chest, his head just under Levi's nose. He'd missed his son. He'd missed the tiny innocent noises he made, and the scent of his little head. Levi had seen so much in his life, a majority of it being complete and utter hell. Things no man should ever see.

But this child of his was pure and innocent. Fragile and helpless. It terrified him and made him feel so happy and proud at the same time.

He was grateful that he was able to experience this at all in his lifetime.

...

*LILLY POV*

It was difficult at first.

Not having Levi around to help with Seth.

But she quickly adjusted to spending her days alone with her son. Levi would be gone from the early hours of the morning until the late hours of the evening, and sometimes they hardly even spoke. She didn't dare ask him for help in the middle of the night knowing how little he slept in the first place, let alone the fact that he had to be up early. She was exhausted and lonely, that was for sure.

So some days she'd go to visit April and Emelia with Seth to keep her from getting too lonely. This was always refreshing and she loved seeing their babies together. Emelia was a bit bigger than Seth, but not by much. He was growing quicker than she or Levi had anticipated. And his rolls were really starting to fill out as well. She wasn't surprised by this though, because sometimes it felt like he was constantly attached to he breasts. The infant was constantly eating, always hungry for more. She wasn't sure who he'd gotten that from because Levi ate like a bird.

The days truly were starting to melt into one for her. But if there was one thing she was looking forward to, it was Seth's six week mark.

Because this was the date where she'd be recovered enough to be intimate once again, as well as begin her strength training.

"So get this." April started as she held Seth. "You just take your temperature with one of these." She gestured to a glass thermometer on the table top. "And record it everyday. When you see your temperature go up, that means you're fertile, and that you shouldn't have sex. You just work around your fertile days." April said with a grin.

"And that works?" Lilly asked skeptically as she held Emelia in her lap.

"Yeah, a few girls I know have been doing it. And I've been doing it too." April answered.

"I learned a strong herbal recipe to help ward off pregnancy but I guess using the two of those things wouldn't hurt. We are going back to train in a few months so I really can't get pregnant again." Lilly said.

"Good idea. Try them both!" April answered.

But when the six week mark did roll around, she was more nervous than she had expected she'd be. The worry of a possible pregnancy was still looming over her head. She had picked up a thermometer in a shop in Trost, and had started recording her temperature everyday. She'd also started taking a tincture that she had made in hopes of getting her body adjusted to it.

Lilly was outside in the garden planting seeds while Seth was up in his cradle napping with the window cracked so she could hear if he happened to wake up. At this point, Seth had started getting on an actual sleep and eating schedule which allowed Lilly to clean and do floor workouts in between.

And today, she would start the garden.

The weather was comfortable, and it was a beautiful and sunny day. She'd been anxious all day knowing Levi had been sent out on a mission in Wall Maria to take out a group of titans that were lingering too close to the walls where there were no artillery set up. He had left early in the morning with a small group of soldiers, and she wasn't sure what time he'd be back.

But sure enough, he appeared beside the garden leading his horse by the reigns on foot.

"Hey." His low voice startled her and she jumped.

Her eyes widened when she saw him. He had a scratch on his cheek and his lip was busted. Dirt was smudged all over his face, and his hair was disheveled.

"Levi!" She ran to him and wrapped her arms around him. "What happened to you?!" She pulled away to look at him as she held his face.

"Some rubble flew up and nicked me. Where's my son?" He asked as she reached up to sweep his hair out of his eyes.

"He's upstairs sleeping." She gestured to the cracked window above their heads.

"Good." He said before putting the horse away in the small stable.

Once inside, Lilly wasted no time make a fresh pot of tea and preparing a meal for Levi while he washed up. She set the table and then sat quietly while she waited for him. She gently rubbed at her abdomen as she sat, sore from the crunches and sit-ups she had done in her spare time. Luckily she'd mostly snapped back into place, but her muscles definitely needed to be tighter and stronger. She'd have to work hard everyday before she returned for her ODM training.

"You started today?" Levi asked as he appeared in the doorway, freshly bathed and dressed. His eyes were watching her hands as she rubbed at her sore muscles.

"Yeah. I have a lot of work to do." She said.

"Don't over do it. You'll injure yourself if you do." He said as he took a seat across from her.

"I know." She answered.

Levi lifted his tea to his mouth and raised a brow at her.

"In four months, once you've regained your strength, I'll have you train in ODM a couple hours a day, for five days week." He said.

"What? What about Seth?" Lilly asked.

"It's covered. Take a wild guess." Levi gave her a look that she could read all too well.

"Hange?" Lilly asked.

He nodded his head down and closed his eyes for a second.

"Yes. She's been begging me, as you know. I mean, she's obsessed with the kid. She offered to take a couple hours of her morning to watch him in her office so I could train with you, and if she needs us to go get him for something she can't handle, then we will go get him." Levi said.

"Oh.. okay." Lilly answered, relieved at the fact that Hange's office was but a three minute walk from the ODM course.

It was just the idea of leaving her baby for even just two hours that made something inside her feel tight and uncomfortable.

Levi sighed in his seat.

"Hange is ... a lot at times. But she's not a _complete_ idiot, and she's helped us a lot. I trust her." He said. "It's important to me that you are in good shape before you make your first trip in vanguard. I want you to be physically and mentally prepared for whatever may come. It'd be foolish not accept the offer." He said in a low and serious tone.

"I know, thank you." She said as she looked up at him. "I trust her too. I suppose two hours a day isn't that much away from him really, but the thought scares me still." She frowned. "I'll miss him. We haven't been apart.." She said as she felt her eyes start to sting.

Levi's eyes bore into hers, but in a way that he appeared to be thinking of something to say.

"Come here." He said to her, catching her off guard as she stared down at her hands.

Lilly stood up from her seat and ran her fingers over the table top as she made her way to where Levi was seated. He took her hand and pulled him to sit in his lap, and gently wrapped his arms around her middle. He moved her hair off of her neck and pressed his warm lips against her skin and rested them there. She relaxed in his embrace as she felt the warm puffs oh air leave his nose as he exhaled against her neck.

"It's going to be hard. There's no way around it." He started to say.

Lilly closed her eyes and frowned as she listened to him speak against her skin.

"But this is the set of cards we've been dealt. We just have to play them the best that we can and do everything we can to come back home to him. So that means you have to stay strong... and keep your head on straight, Alright?" He asked as he rubbed his rough hands over her arms.

"What if I don't?" She said.

"Don't talk like that." He said.

"But it could happen." She said.

"I won't let it." He said.

"But how-"

"Because I promised you I'd protect you, always. I didn't say that shit just to say it Lilly." He said, not letting her finish. "You'll be in my sight. You'll be all I see when we are out there. I don't care how skilled you are. It won't stop me from watching over you." He said.

Lilly turned in his lap to face him, eyes filled with emotion.

"Nothing will happen to you or I. We will come home to our son. We will fix this world, and we will never leave him again once we do. Understand?" He asked in a serious tone.

"Yes."

"Do you trust me?"

"I trust you."

Levi's eyes softened ever so slightly before reaching up and curling his fingers around her neck, pulling her into a gentle and warm kiss. Lilly carefully brought her fingers up to intertwine them with his other hand as they continued to kiss in a slow and passionate rhythm.

Carefully, their hands started to wander to explore each other's bodies, their kiss growing more heated as the minutes passed. A small moan left Lilly's mouth as Levi's hand fondled her breast as his tongue licked at her neck, nipping at the sensitive flesh there. Lilly started to slowly grind over Levi's lap as she straddled him, coaxing a low groan from his throat that warmed her neck and sent gooseflesh down her arms. He had felt all too good against her, she could feel the hungry fire growing in her core, causing her thighs to tremble over his. He took his hands and snaked them up her skirt and the outer sides of her thighs and grasped at her rear as he pulled her over his arousal within his pants. He nipped at her chest eagerly as he continued to grind against her clothed heat, driving them both mad with desire.

Lilly's eyes shot wide open when she felt his fingers dip into her wet folds, and she felt him smirk crookedly into her chest.

"Six weeks has taken its toll on you, hasn't it?" He teased as he curled his digits into her, soliciting a lewd whimper from her mouth.

"S-shut up." She breathed as he pumped his fingers into her.

"It's fine." He leaned back in the chair to undo his pants while looking her in the eyes. "You should know I've been wanting to fuck you senseless this entire time anyways." He said in a low tone as he adjusted her so he could slide his pants down a bit, freeing himself from his breeches.

"The entire time?" Lilly purred as she lifted her hips over him so that he was pressed against her entrance.

Without warning, Levi pulled her down in one thrust, filling her to the hilt. Whatever was on her mind was then set to flames and lost as intense pleasure filled her body. They groaned in unison as Lilly began to desperately rock with him inside of her, needing more and more as she desperately kissed and nipped at his neck and earlobe. His fingers dug into her ass as he thrusted in her deeply, nailing her just the way she needed.

"You feel so good." He moaned into her mouth before their tongues met and intertwined, battling hungrily for dominance.

Lilly tugged back on his hair, revealing his throat to her. She began to suck, nip and scrape her teeth over it as he continued to thrust inside of her. Her body began to stiffen and quiver and her mouth began to water.

"You're done for already, huh?" He teased as he continued.

Just then she felt herself peak and the pleasure hit her like a ton of bricks. She cried out, and Levi quickly took hold of her face to look her in the eyes as she came.

He cursed under his breath and groaned as he began to release. They panted together in the seat, trying to catch their breaths as they rested against each other's heated skin.

And of course, Seth was awakened by the two of them and had started to cry upstairs.

She sighed into Levi's shoulder as he rubbed her back, and reached around her to lift his tea up.

"You clean up. I'll get him."

...

*LILLY POV*

She was going to be away from him the next day, for the first time since he was born.

At nearly six months old, Seth was already sitting up on his own for long periods of times, and had taken an interest in a particular stuffed bear that Levi had brought home for him one day. Seth had also started eating mashed fruits and vegetables, and Levi was more than willing to feed Seth whenever he had the chance.

Of course, he didn't always come out of that clean.

"Open your mouth." Levi said to Seth as he held the spoon in front of the baby's face.

Seth smacked the spoon out of Levi's hand and splattered mashed peas all over Levi's face.

Lilly covered her mouth and snickered from her seat.

"Ba ba ba." Seth babbled as he looked up into Levi's eyes.

Levi wiped his face with a napkin and then sat back in his seat, staring at Seth.

"Can you say 'da'?" He asked Seth.

"Ba."

"No, da."

"Ba!"

"I don't think he's going to be talking for another few months, Levi." Lilly giggled.

"Tch. He can say 'da'." Levi said as he dipped another spoon into the bowl of peas.

"Maaa." Seth cooed.

"Da." Levi said as he put the spoon in the baby's mouth.

Seth then spit out the peas, shooting them all over and giggling.

"Don't do that." Levi said in a more stern tone.

Seth then looked to Lilly and pouted, his eyes filling with tears. Then his lip began to quiver.

"No... don't cry-"

Just then Seth began to wail like his heart had been broken, reaching out for Lilly.

"Maaa!" He cried, tears falling from his eyes.

"Go on, pick him up." Lilly said to Levi.

"He wants you." Levi said.

"He's not used to your tone, that's all. Just pick him up." Lilly said reassuringly.

Levi sighed softly before standing and lifting Seth from his high chair, holding him against his chest.

"I'm not mad at you. It's okay." Levi said gently, calming Seth after a few minutes.

Lilly smiled as she watched Seth curl up in his father's arms. Levi pressed his lips against his child's dark hair and closed his eyes.

She was going to miss these moments.

...

"Don't worry guys. Seth's in great hands, right buddy?" Hange looked down at Seth who was reaching for her glasses and cooing happily.

Lilly stood in full uniform beside Levi, trying to push back the emotions swelling up in her chest.

"It's only two hours." Levi reassured her as she kissed Seth's cheek.

"I know." She sighed as she stepped back from Seth.

Seth looked at her as she stepped away and his eyes got wide.

"Ma." He cooed and reached for her.

Her heart sank as Levi stepped forward to give him a kiss and handed him his bear.

"Da!" Seth reached for Levi, causing Levi to stop and stare at him with both pride and reluctance, knowing they had to leave.

"Be good. I love you." Levi said as he brushed Seth's cheek before turning to walk out with Lilly.

As soon as Lilly turned her back, Seth began to shriek. Her body tensed up and she looked back to see Seth reaching for her as she walked away.

"Don't, he'll be okay." Levi assured her as he put his hand in her back, leading her the rest of the way to the ODM field as her heart sank heavily.


	63. Different Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s a change in the atmosphere.  
> What we are brings the wrong kind of attention out here.  
> So aware.  
> We stumble through the morning mist.  
> Cold, wet air.  
> One hand in yours, and one in a tight fist.

When Lilly arrived to the field, she saw many unfamiliar faces whirring through the air, attacking the wooden titan dummies. She stood for a moment beside Levi, observing them.

"They aren't bad." She said as her eyes followed a girl with fiery red hair, who was particularly skilled.

"Not bad. But they still need work." Levi said as he crossed his arms, and looked out to the course.

"Lilly!" April's voice called.

Lilly turned her face to see April running towards her with a big grin.

"Hey! You started training already?" Lilly asked.

"I just started this morning. We were able to hire a nanny last minute for Emelia, and she's great." April caught her breath and tossed her brunette braid over her shoulder.

"How did you do leaving her?" Lilly asked, looking into April's expression.

"Broke my damn heart of course. I can't stop thinking about her." April said as her saddened eyes met Lilly's. "How about you? How did Seth do?" April asked.

"He screamed." Lilly frowned as she remembered how heartbroken Seth was to see her and his father both leave him behind.

Even now she felt like she was missing a limb, and that everything inside he was screaming for her child.

"I'm sure he'll be okay. You had mentioned Hange would be watching him last time you were over. I'm sure she'll keep him entertained." April said reassuringly.

"Get moving you two. You've only got two hours. Make the most of it." Levi gestured outwards towards the course.

"Alright Lilly, lets do our best." April withdrew her blades and smiled at Lilly.

Lilly nodded silently and adjusted her cloak before reaching down and withdrawing her blades. It had been a long time since she'd used ODM or felt the weight of her swords in her hands.

_How would she do today?_

Lilly ran a few feet before launching an anchor into the tree, propelling her into the course. She felt some strain in her core as she soared through the trees, a predictable symptom of being out of practice. Just then, a wooden dummy jumped out at her and she flipped over the arm quickly before looping back around to slice into the artificial neck. Her heart pounded within the walls of her chest as she smiled to herself, slightly impressed with herself for responding so quickly.

_She still had it apparently._

"Wow! Great job. I thought you were gonna get smacked right out of the air." April said as she whirred beside Lilly.

"Yeah that was close." Lilly said as she looked forward to see the red headed girl she was watching previously glaring down at her from a branch.

"What is she glaring at?" Lilly muttered as she stared up at the girl from under furrowed brows.

The girl's green eyes were piercing into her with distaste and coldness as Lilly and April approached closer.

April glanced up and looked at the girl, giving her an equally disapproving look.

"I've been here for only an hour, and from what I've seen, this girl is good and she knows it. Think her name is Eloise. Really arrogant from the looks of it. I don't know why she's looking at you like that, but if she gives you any trouble, we will handle it." April said in a low tone. "It's more than likely a jealousy thing. I mean you're the prettiest female here, and you're skilled. What's there not to be envious of?" April shrugged.

Lilly glanced back at Eloise who was still watching her from a distance.

_Talk about weird._

"Eh." Lilly mumbled in response.

She wasn't quite used to being given dirty looks by people, especially when she'd done them no wrong. But she didn't have the time to really dwell on stupid things like that anyways.

_Now, both her plate and heart were full._

As the time went on, Lilly continued to fly through the course, reacting in a timely fashion to all her targets. She was doing pretty well and hadn't even made one little mistake. She was genuinely impressed and proud of her reflexes and timing. Sure, her muscles were sore, but she thought for sure she'd be rusty and fumble after going so long with no practice.

ODM gear required a lot of training and strength to use it well and efficiently.

She bet Levi was real proud of her too for doing such a great job on her first day back. Maybe she'd go take a peek at him and see what he had to say about all her hard work so far. It always felt good to receive feedback from him, and it truly didn't matter that they were married.

_Levi never sugar coated anything._

She decided to head towards the edge of the tree line where Levi was posted. He was watching her intently as he stood in the grass with his arms crossed over his chest. The breeze lifted his black hair out of his face, revealing the grey orbs that were observing her so closely. He looked so handsome standing there, and she even felt herself blush slightly under his icy stare.

_Some days it felt as if nothing changed since the first moment she realized she was in love with him. Everything inside her still sang the same when she looked at him._

Just as Lilly sighed and was about to smile at him, she had a very urgent feeling that something was coming from her side and fast, so she quickly lifted her blade and braced herself as a wooden titan arm came crashing against her sword, propelling her outwards towards the field.

"Lilly!" April called in a concerned voice as she floated in from the front.

Wooden shards fell around her, she felt one cut her cheek bone as it shot through the air. Her eyes widened with urgency and she twisted as she plummeted and quickly shot an anchor upwards before pulling herself up back into the trees.

Her heart raced as she continued to soar through the branches.

_How did she manage to react so quickly? How did she know the arm was coming? How has her perception been so sharp?_

She landed back on the ground and looked up at the destroyed titan dummy. The arm was completely shattered, the body frame cracked and rendered unusable. She stared at it in confusion as April landed beside her.

"...How...?" April asked as she stared at Lilly.

"I-I don't know. I guess I got lucky." Lilly said.

Just then she felt another pair of eyes watching her. She turned and saw Eloise watching her as she passed through the shadows of trees with another irritated look.

_She set the dummy off. But why? What was her deal?_

Lilly wiped her cheek with her sleeve and smirked with slight amusement as she glanced at the shattered arm. She didn't know why this girl tried to take her out.

All she knew was that she failed miserably.

Lilly turned her back to her, icy hair whipping in the breeze behind her as she started walking towards Levi. He was staring at her in a strange way, almost like he was studying her.

She took the canteen from his outstretched hand and carefully brought the canteen to her lips and just then everything inside of her was screaming for her to duck.

Quickly she responded to her instincts, just dodging Levi's boot.

She stepped back and looked at him in complete shock.

"What the hell Levi?!" She exclaimed.

"Tch!" Levi's eyes widened in disbelief as he went to sweep her legs from under her, but she reacted fast enough to hop over his leg.

"Levi, cut it out! What are you doing?!" She shouted at him.

"Your reaction time has never been this quick. There's no way it could be anywhere near this after being on leave for a year." He said as he threw a punch at her.

She side stepped and threw a controlled punch at him, just grazing his jaw. He stepped back and stared at her in disbelief.

"So what if it is? Maybe I just have a lot of built up energy, did you even consider that?" She asked.

"This isn't built up energy." He said to her in a blunt tone as his eyes bore into her.

They stared at each other quietly as the sounds of ODM lines whirring filled the air. Lilly stood there staring at him quietly and watched as his eyes noticed the cut on her cheek. He lifted his hand towards her slowly and she flinched. He paused, letting her know he wasn't going to surprise her with another attack, and brushed his finger over the wound on her face. She leaned into his touch slightly, almost forgetting they were on the field when she felt eyes on them again.

_They both did._

Eloise was drinking from her canteen at the base of the trees, eyes watching them closely. Levi sighed and dropped his hand.

"That girl. Eloise. She set off that dummy back there." Lilly said in a low tone.

"Tch. I'm not surprised. I'll deal with it." Levi said.

Lilly raised her brow.

"Why aren't you surprised?" She asked inquisitively.

"She's trouble. That's why." Levi glanced over at Lilly. "Get back to training." He ordered.

Lilly nodded at him silently before heading back towards the course.

It was strange of Levi to attack her without warning. It's almost like he knew she'd dodge it. Like he was testing her reflexes or something.

Lilly launched herself into the air and continued her training. She thought of her baby, and how she couldn't wait to get back to him.

To hold him, to kiss him.

She smiled at the thought of how fast his hair was growing and how much he was looking like his father.

And she kept an eye out for Eloise for the remainder of her training.

...

Lilly practically ran back to Hange's office.

Levi kept pace behind her as they passed by other soldiers in headquarters. Finally, Lilly reached Hange's office and opened the door to find Seth sitting on the floor with Hange while she wrote in her notebook. Seth was busy gnawing away on a magnifying glass, not even looking at Lilly and Levi.

"Oh hey guys! How was training?" Hange asked.

"It was fine, how was he? He didn't cry for too long, did he?" Lilly asked as she walked towards Seth to pick him up off the floor.

His eyes lit up when he heard her voice and he instantly put his chubby arms out for her.

"Ma!" Seth cooed excitedly.

"No, he didn't actually. He's been really interested in the trinkets I have around my office, so he's been pretty distracted. Actually... I hope you don't mind but I've been studying him." Hange said as she glanced over to her notebook.

"You've been studying my kid? Hange, I'm pretty damned positive that we agreed no experiments on my boy." Levi said in a displeased tone as he ruffled Seth's hair while Lilly held him close her chest.

"No worries short stuff. I was just observing him. He's pretty advanced, and very intelligent, you know. I could get used to having him around." Hange said as she smiled at Seth who was waving at her.

"Hm." Levi glanced at Seth, obviously a bit proud to hear that his son was advanced for his age. "Well, you've got him until she's back full time. Then Historia is taking over from there. You've got things to do too, so don't get too used to having a baby around." Levi said.

"He really is fascinating." Hange smiled as she stood.

"Speaking of fascinating, I've got to write a report and I'll bring it by here later for your opinion before I submit it to Erwin. You'll be around?" Levi asked Hange.

"I should be. Why what is it?" Hange asked curiously.

"Might not be anything. You'll see when you read it." He said as he picked Seth's bear off the ground.

"Well thank you Hange for watching him, I'm glad he didn't give you that much trouble. I was really worried he'd be a mess the entire time... We've never been separated." Lilly said as she held Seth close, gently rubbing the back of his head with her fingers while he grabbed a fistful of her hair and yanked on it.

"He really was great. I'm looking forward to spending more time with him. He like a mini version of Levi, just sweeter." Hange grinned.

"Tch. See you later Hange." Levi said as he put his hand on Lilly's lower back.

"Bye Hange!" Lilly called over her shoulder as she exited the office with her babbling son in her arms once again.

...

*LEVI POV*

He watched as Lilly rode off with Seth on his horse to return to their home. He had to stay and finish his job for the day, so he'd just have to walk home. He didn't mind of course. Was he just supposed to make her walk back with their son?

_He was going to have to buy her another horse soon._

Levi returned to his office to write his report after giving out cleaning orders for the day. That should prevent anyone from barging into his office and interrupting him as he wrote.

And he really needed to take his time writing what he observed that morning.

What he observed in his wife, Lilly.

First, he thought back to how he'd seen her react to the dummy that she had not even seen coming, and shattered its arm with her blade. Not only did the impact send her flying in a way that normally would have sent her crash landing, but she actually managed to respond quick enough to get herself back into the air.

Lilly was previously skilled. Yes.

But this was not her typical response time. Her perception was never this sharp, her timing never as perfect. And after having a baby and being away from ODM for a year, she should have been out of practice, and she should have gotten a few bumps and bruises. That's exactly why he was watching her so closely. He was fully expecting her to make a mistake and get injured that morning.

But she didn't. Other than the cut on her cheek from the wood shrapnel from the titan dummy which she completely trashed.

He had to test this out further.

So when he was sure she wasn't paying attention, he threw a surprise kick at her head. But she responded quickly, and dodged it perfectly. Followed by a leg sweep attempt and a fist blow, she dodged them all.

_It. Didn't. Make. Sense._

After writing his report, he signed it and took it with him as he left the office. On his way to Hange's office, he passed by Eloise who's shirt was button far too low. Her eyes were drilling in to him, but he kept his head forward.

"Hey Captain." Eloise purred as she reached for his arm.

Levi stopped and took hold of her wrist and looked her in the eyes. She paused and a devilish smirk pulled on her lips.

"I don't like being touched." He said in a low tone as he dropped her wrist.

"Hm, that surprises me Captain." She said flirtatiously.

Levi's eyes almost rolled into the back of his head before they returned to her conniving green eyes.

"It was brought to my attention that you set that dummy off on Lilly as she was passing by it earlier." Levi glared at her impatiently.

"Lilly? I'm afraid I don't know a Lilly." Eloise looked down at her nails nonchalantly.

"Don't play stupid with me. Lilly Ackerman. My wife." Levi narrowed his eyes.

"Ah. The really fair haired girl. Blue eyes? Yeah I helped her out." Eloise smirked.

Levi clenched his teeth.

"What? She was obviously not paying attention, so I gave her a taste of reality. So what? Is it any different beyond the walls? Titans jump out like that, don't they?" Eloise asked and batted her eyelashes at him as she stepped towards him.

"You could have seriously injured her." He snapped.

"She did quite well, I'd say."

"I hope you do just as well doing the men's laundry for a week." Levi glared at her.

"You're joking." Eloise put her hand on her hip.

"No, you start tonight after dinner. And did you even finish cleaning out the horse stalls yet?" Levi asked.

"N-no, I was just-"

"Then get back to it. And button up that god damned shirt. This is the Scout Regiment. Not a fucking brothel." Levi snapped as he continued his walk to Hange's office building, not bothering to see Eloise's expression.

Levi let himself into Hange's office without knocking, and she looked up from her desk with Moblit standing beside her.

"Oh hey Levi. Got that report? I've been curious as to what it could-" Levi slapped the report on the desk in front of Hange, and she pushed up her glasses before reading it.

Levi stood with his arms crossed as he watched her read, waiting for her to finish.

"That shouldn't be physically possible. Levi are you sure-"

"Do I look blind? Who's the one wearing glasses here?" Levi impatiently asked with furrowed brows.

"I wonder..." Hange leaned back in her chair, staring at the paper.

"I have a idea myself but I wanted your opinion." Levi said.

"There's been something that has changed her physical abilities. There's no other way to explain it. Her body and agility shouldn't be the way you've described after carrying and delivering a child. Not to mention she hasn't picked up ODM equipment since last year." Hange said.

"Right." Levi agreed.

"You also stated here that she completely destroyed the arm of that dummy. So would you say she seems stronger?" Hange asked.

"Yes." Levi answered.

He thought back to different times in the past year where even while they kidded around with each other, she just felt stronger to the touch. She'd often try to sneak attack Levi, jumping over the back of the couch and trying to tickle him. Her grip was definitely stronger than he remembered, and she was absolutely way lighter on her feet. She'd gotten him good a couple of times.

"In fact, the way you've described her movements is alike to your own or even Mikasa's." Hange pointed out, looking up at Levi.

"Yes... Correct." He said.

"Some kind of biological change has to occurred to cause this. One does not simply gain this sort of skill without years and years of training, and even then I'd say it's purely genetic. What you and Mikasa possess... is rare... it's in you're blood. The Ackerman clan originally served and protected the king for a reason, according to your uncle. Something was in the Ackerman blood that set them apart as warriors and protectors." Hange said with her hand on her chin as she thought.

Levi and Hange met each other's eyes and when it occurred to them.

"Blood." Hange said.

Levi's eyes widened as he sat down slowly.

"The transfusion... your blood... it could have altered her on a biological molecular level." Hange said.

"Is this permanent?" Levi asked.

"I don't know... it's just a theory.. but it's already been over a year." Hange said as she glanced out the window. "It is not different from the idea of injecting titan spinal fluid into a person to transform them into a titan. But even then I'm not sure if it's that simple... she also received a large amount of your blood...the quantity could even be a factor." Hange said.

"They're never going to let her leave..." Levi said.

"I would trust Erwin with this information. But to let this go any further up the line right now may not be the best idea. If people find out they can use Ackerman blood to gain power..." Hange frowned and didn't finish. "Continue to watch her and file reports. I'll keep them in my office for now until we have a packet to give to the commander. What he chooses to do with the information is up to him. She's already in vanguard and part of your squad. It may change nothing as far as her rank and position goes." Hange said.

Levi nodded his head and looked out the window. If Hange's theory was true, then she was safer, yes. But it also meant danger for all of the Ackermans if some sick fuck found out about it too. In fact, after seeing what Zachly did to the previous government officials, he wouldn't put it past him to try something either.

For now it was best to continue watching Lilly closely.

"I'd talk to her about it when you get home tonight. Maybe just tell her to not mention the transfusion to anyone who doesn't already know, to anyone who is sure to question her dramatic improvement. Just to be safe..." Hange said.

"Alright." He said as he watched the clouds burn orange against the sunset.


	64. Chapter 64

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys for the long wait. I got busy with the holidays, you know how it gets. Anyways I hope you all enjoyed yours <3

*LILLY POV*

Lilly laughed as she bathed Seth in the tub. Her son had become so bubbly and happy, and his favorite thing to do was play in the water. This was always one of Lilly's favorite times to share with him, even if he splashed quite a bit and always made a huge mess.

"You can't be serious." Lilly said to Levi as he stood in the doorway, still in his uniform.

He had just returned home and spoke to her of what he and Hange _thought_ could be the reasoning behind her newfound strength and agility.

"Do I look like I'm joking?" He asked.

Lilly glanced over her shoulder at him briefly, noting his serious and unamused expression before returning her attention on her babbling son.

"Daaa!" Seth pointed at Levi.

"I don't know. Your face always looks like that." Lilly said.

"Tch. I talked to Hange about it. She's thinks it could be a possibility." He said as he continued to stare at her.

"You're trying to tell me, that the blood transfusion is to blame?" She scoffed.

"Do you have a better explanation, smart ass?" He asked in a low tone.

"Why does it matter?" She asked.

"Because if some twisted person comes across this finding, it puts us all in danger. Seth too. We could end up tied up and used as blood cows or some weird shit for someone's own personal gain. Who knows." Levi said.

"Watch your mouth in front of Seth." Lilly shot him an warning eye.

Levi stared at her blankly for a moment and then shifted his weight where he stood as he watched his son splash in the water.

"Sorry." He huffed. "Look. Don't discuss the transfusion with anyone who doesn't already know. Just to be safe. That's it. I'm going to go change." Levi said in a dull tone as he left the doorway.

Lilly gazed down at her son and frowned as she thought about what Levi had said to her about her performance that morning. She supposed it wasn't _impossible._ It just was hard digesting the fact that as she grew older, she realized she knew less than she thought about _anything_. Their world had so many secrets. So many things she never considered.

_And now this._

Either way, it didn't really matter that much how she improved.

It just meant she had a better chance of coming back home to Seth.

_And that was what was most important to her._

...

Lilly sat on the couch as she watched Levi hold Seth in the armchair. The boy didn't want to leave his father's arms, and was currently occupied with pointing at Levi's facial features.

"Ba." Seth pointed at Levi's nose.

"Nose." Levi said.

"Ba."

"Nose."

"Na." Seth grabbed onto his father's nose.

Lilly smiled as she leaned into her hand and sipped her tea. She curled her feet up onto the couch and sighed softly as she watched the two interact. Her mind slowly wandered back to training from earlier in the day and she remembered the green orbs that glared at her from the shadows of the trees. She felt her brows furrow and a frown tug at her mouth as she glanced down at the floorboards. What was that girl's deal?

"Hey. What's that face for." Levi asked in a low tone as his eyes shifted to her.

Lilly glanced over at him as his eyes continued to try and read her.

"Just thinking. Why don't we put Seth down for the night? It's getting late." Lilly said as she stretched her arms and yawned.

Levi looked at Seth and sighed.

"I just got home an hour ago." Levi said as Seth pulled on his hair.

"I know... I tried to keep him up late for you.." Lilly frowned as she lifted her empty tea cup and carried it to the sink.

"Just give me five minutes. You can go lay down if you're tired." He said.

"Kaaaa." Seth cooed.

Lilly leaned over and kissed the top of Seth's hair.

"Goodnight, Angel." Lilly said quietly.

...

*LEVI POV*

Seth had fallen asleep in his arms.

And it had definitely been longer than five minutes.

Quietly he set his son down on his back in his crib, and tucked him in neatly with the grey knit blanket that Lilly had made. He gazed down at Seth for a few minutes, admiring all the small and flawless features of his face. Lilly had given him such a beautiful and smart child, and he couldn't have been more proud.

He never looked at a child with such love and pride as he did his own. It was still hard to believe that this was _his_ son.

Levi turned quietly away from the crib and shut the door before heading back to their bedroom. Lilly was sleeping diagonally across the bed on her stomach, with her head under one pillow and her arm over the other one.

He smirked to himself as he removed his shirt and folded it neatly on the dresser.

She always slept in the strangest ways when he wasn't in bed with her. But it was just one of the many things he loved about her, as annoying as it was.

Levi gently climbed over her and pressed his lips against her shoulder blades. She stirred lightly in her sleep and hummed.

"You mind moving over, you pain in the ass." Levi said as he kissed the back of her neck.

"Mmm I don't know, I'm comfortable." She mumbled.

Levi moved the pillow off her head and pressed his mouth to her ear.

"Move." He said.

"Mmm. No, I'm good." She said as she grinned into the mattress.

"You're a brat." He growled as he nipped at her ear.

"Ow!" She said as he flipped her over with ease.

She sat up on her knees and wrapped her arms around his neck and tried to pull him down.

"Now. Now it's go time, and this time I'm going to win." She said.

"Listen. The last time you tried to wrestle me, you fell off the bed and got hurt. Remember?" He asked with a straight face as she continued to try to bring him down.

"Well that was before, I got you this time." She said as she tried to push him onto his back.

"Tch. I don't want to hear you whining if you get hurt again." Levi said with furrowed brows.

"The only one whining is you, you wuss." Lilly groaned as she tried to push him down.

Levi reached down and slid her gown over her shoulders as she continued to push and pull to no avail.

"Nice try. You're not distracting me." She said through her teeth.

A snicker left his lips as the small woman continued to try to wrestle him as the silky gown slid down her body. Finally, he gave way and let her push him down unto his back, her breasts just inches from his face.

"You did that on purpose, pervert." She glared.

"You won. What are you bitching about?" He rolled his eyes.

"You were supposed to try. Not just fall over in defeat." She said as she glared down at him.

Levi grabbed a fistful of her hair and pulled her head down to meet his lips in a hungry kiss. He couldn't help himself, she looked too good on top of him to not take right then and now.

She broke apart for air and scowled at him.

"Oh no you don't." Lilly said as she began to move off him.

He quickly sat up and latched his mouth onto one of her breasts, soliciting a moan from her lips. An amused grin curved on his lips as the naked women arched her back as he palmed her rear.

"You're such a cheater." She said under her breath as he kissed and nipped at her breasts.

"Oh please. As if I was going to wrestle you half naked without fucking you." He said against her chest as he tugged on her hair.

"Hm." She smiled devilishly.

He pushed her down onto her back, and she continued giving him a fiery look of desire.

She knew exactly how to get him going.

_Every damned time._

...

*LILLY POV*

The next day Lilly had dropped Seth off with Hange before heading back to the course with Levi for another day of ODM training.

Seth had cried again, breaking her heart just as much as the previous day.

Would it ever get any easier?

Levi walked quietly beside her as they arrived at the course to see the cadets in a organized line waiting for them. Levi nodded his head to her, silently ordering her to get in formation with the rest. Her eyes caught sight of April, so she silently made her way towards her.

Lilly felt Eloise's hot glare on the side of her face, but she didn't even bother tossing her a glance.

"Hey, good morning." April said quietly, her head still forward.

"Morning. Got a few things to tell you." Lilly said in a low tone.

"Hm. Really?" April smirked and raised a brow, keeping her face forward towards Levi who was checking attendance.

"Yup." Lilly whispered.

"Alright brats. Today you will be completing a linear obstacle course. Each of you will be going one at a time, and I will be timing you and scoring you on your performance. These scores go directly to the Commander himself who will then choose your positions for the expedition to Shiganshina District in less than two months." Levi announced.

Lilly looked at April and sighed.

They'd be full time soldiers again in just one month too.

And her baby would no longer be close by with Hange for only two hours, but with Historia at the orphanage for the entire day that she was on duty. The time was flying by, and she was dreading it.

Luckily her position had already been decided, so this score didn't really effect her other than giving her a good practice run. That's what this was all about for her and April, getting back into the swing of things. And at least when she became full time in one month, she'd get to get away from Eloise.

"You will go in the order you are standing in now, starting from the left side of the line. Let's get this shit over with. I've got other plans for you today." Levi said as he headed towards the start of the course.

Lilly turned to face April and took a deep breath.

"So Eloise. She set that dummy off on me yesterday." Lilly said.

"How do you know?" April asked, raising a brow.

"I saw her fleeing in the shadows behind it." Lilly answered.

"That bitch!" April exclaimed loudly.

A couple of the female cadets turned and looked at them curiously.

"Mind your business." April snapped at them.

"You're not talking about Eloise are you?" One girl asked.

"What if we are?" Lilly asked with a bit of annoyance in her voice.

"I mean I don't blame you. No one here likes her- Well the girls here. The guys all love her. You're the Captain's wife, Yeah?" The girl asked.

"Yes, What does that have to do with anything?" Lilly asked.

The two girls turned and looked at each other briefly.

"Has he not told you? Eloise has been flirting with him since he returned back from leave. It's kind of ridiculous." The girl said.

"What?" Lilly asked, unsure how to react.

"She does everything she can to get his attention. Mundane questions, giggling a lot around him, showing off... maybe it's some weird thrill for her." The girl trailed off as she turned to make sure no one was listening. "Of course, the Captain doesn't give her the attention she seeks, and now that you're here, she's been in a fowl mood. Jealous and frustrated I'd say. She probably wasn't expecting you to be as pretty as you are, let alone good at what you do." The girl added.

"So what are you gonna do?" April asked Lilly in a irritated tone.

"First, I'm gonna show her up today. Then I'm going to confront Levi for not telling me about her behavior. If it continues, I'll ruin her. Simple." Lilly said in an even tone.

"Put her in her place. I like it." April said.

"And here's something else... but don't mention it to anyone." Lilly said softly to April, but noticed the two girls were still looking at her. "You two, turn around. And thanks for telling me." Lilly said to them.

They nodded quietly at her before turning their backs to face the current person running the course.

Lilly then gently pulled April in and softly whispered to April what Levi had discussed with Hange in regards to Lilly's performance.

April pulled her head back and stared at Lilly in disbelief.

"No way." April said.

"Yes. That's what they think." Lilly said as she wiped the sweat off her forehead as the sun beat down on them.

The line gradually moved forwards, each cadet taking their turn in the blazing heat. Lilly and April were dying in the humidity, but both were suddenly distracted by Eloise walking up to the starting line to take her turn in the obstacle course. Eloise tossed her scout jacket to the ground, revealing her signature low-buttoned white blouse as she held her blades with a determined expression.

"One, two, three, go." Levi said as he stood off to the side.

Just then Eloise launched off the ground and flew towards her first target where she spun around the nape, slicing it cleanly on her way to the next target. Lilly growled under her breath as she watched Eloise swiftly hit all her targets, and even scoring the best time as she reached the finish line.

Levi was silent as Eloise walked back over to where he stood and picked up her canteen out of the grass. She lifted the canteen in the air and spilled the crystal water into her mouth, dripping it down her chin and neck and drenching her chest and blouse.

The shirt was now see through.

_And she wasn't wearing a bra._

The male cadets dropped their chins and stared blankly at her as she "cooled off" in front of Lilly's husband. Levi quickly turned his face away, his brows furrowed and his face slightly flushing.

"So... I'm gonna kill her." Lilly said nonchalantly, though inside she was boiling profusely.

"I don't blame you.." April continued watching Eloise in shock. "Look at her. She literally does not care. And Levi's so stubborn that he refuses to give her the attention that she wants. You have to intervene or she won't stop." April said as she covered her mouth.

Lilly fumed as the next few cadets ahead of her took their turns. Not only was the sun cooking her fair skin, but the hatred and anger was making her insides boil too.

_What was this anger she was feeling? Insecurity? Jealousy?_

Eloise was beautiful and confident. And she was skilled too. Perhaps she did feel a little threatened. For the first time, she felt like another woman was trying to take what was hers, right in front of her even.

Why didn't he tell her that this nonsense was occurring?

_Did he not want her to worry? Did he not think it was that big of a deal?_

Well it was. This was a huge deal. And she was furious.

"Ackerman. You're up." Levi said.

 _Right._ They had agreed that in front of other soldiers that they'd refer to each other by their titles to keep things professional.

_Captain and Ackerman._

Lilly shot him a glare, the look on his face telling her he knew he was in for it.

"Ackerman." She grumbled under her breath as she withdrew her blades.

Eloise stood to the side, fanning her face with a smug grin at Lilly. Lilly pictured launching her anchor right into Eloise's arrogant expression and felt a split second of satisfaction.

"One, two, three-"

Lilly didn't wait for Levi to finish.

She launched upwards and spun into the air, slicing through the neck of the titan, sending a loud crack down it's torso. She flew through the air bouncing from titan to titan, slicing the napes and cracking their frames one by one. She finished them all within a fraction of the time Eloise had, landing on her feet gracefully. Her long hair had fallen loosely and lifted in the air as she passed by the line of cadets who stared at her in awe.

"Yeahhhh!" April shouted in the background.

Eloise rolled her eyes as she stood by Levi who silently held Lilly's water canteen out to her.

"You did well." Levi complimented in a low tone as Lilly took the canteen from him.

Just as Lilly was about to crack a slight smile, she heard Eloise scoff from beside them.

"Well? She cracked all of their frames." Eloise muttered with a scowl on her face.

Eloise was so upset by Levi complimenting Lilly's work that she had to pick at her right in front of him, once again grasping for his attention.

She felt the need to bring Lilly _down,_ to make herself feel better.

 _She_ was the _brat._

Lilly stepped away from Levi and uncovered her canteen before thrusting the water up into Eloise's sour face. Water dripped from her shocked expression which quickly grew enraged.

"What the hell?! You crazy bitch!" Eloise snapped at Lilly as her fists tightened.

"Fucking fight me if you don't like it, slut." Lilly said calmly as she stepped up to Eloise, fully prepared for a fight.

April could be heard snickering in line.

"Enough!" Levi snapped as he stepped towards them.

Eloise, crazed with embarrassment and anger went to throw a fist at her, but Lilly quickly caught it and twisted Eloise's arm before throwing her to the ground.

"Hey!" Levi barked loudly as he stepped between the two young women. "Did I fucking stutter? Do you two have shit lodged in your ears?!" Levi shouted in a menacing tone.

Eloise growled through her teeth as she stood and got in Lilly's face.

"I'll get you back and you'll regret it. I have my ways Lilly Ackerman, and I always get my way." She hissed at her.

"This ends now! Not another word or it'll be 100 laps from both of you! Understood?!" Levi shouted as he pushed them apart.

Lilly continued expressionlessly staring into Eloise's angered face, picturing what it'd be like to knock her right in the mouth.

"Hey?! Do I make myself clear?!" Levi snapped.

Lilly glanced at him with a blank expression.

"Whatever you say, _Captain."_ Lilly muttered.

"Tch." Levi scoffed as she turned away from him.

Lilly went and sat in the grass and removed her scout jacket, watching as the rest of the cadets finished their test runs.

Levi had some nerve not telling her about this girl. She was furious with him. Of course in front of these cadets, he had to take on his non biased roll. But that didn't make it any less frustrating that instead of screaming at her for purposely drenching the front of her shirt, he just turned away from her.

Ignoring her behavior was clearly not working.

...

At the end of training, Lilly didn't wait for Levi. She left the field with April running behind her to catch up to her.

"Lilly! Wait up!" April called as they treaded the grass.

Lilly slowed down a bit to let her friend catch up and walk beside her.

"That was awesome. Her face was priceless!" April laughed.

"I wish I could have done more. I'm so frustrated." Lilly said.

"Well, can't blame you. You're in a rough position being the Captain's wife, and his subordinate as well. It's most likely not any easier for him." April said.

"Yeah well, at least he has the power to tell her to piss off. But he doesn't." Lilly said.

"How do you know he hasn't tried?" April said.

"He hasn't told me anything about her trying to flirt with him at all." Lilly said as they reached the main headquarters buildings.

"Well maybe he doesn't want you to worry." April said reassuringly. "Levi would never give her the attention she wants or cheat on you. But I'll see you around. I gotta start heading home to Emelia. Just talk to him about it tonight, Alright?" April said softly as she hugged Lilly.

Lilly returned April's embrace and watched as she left down the road. Lilly then slowly made her way to Hange's office to retrieve her son.

Lilly sighed as she opened the office door and saw Eren, Mikasa, Jean, Conny, Sasha, and Armin sitting on the floor playing with Seth. Seth was giggling loudly as Eren made faces at him, and it instantly brought a smile to her previously gloomy expression.

"Look, there's your mom." Jean said as he lifted Seth off the floor and carried him to Lilly.

"Hey Lilly!" Eren said. "Hange invited us to come play with Seth today. It's been a blast." He said with a smile.

"He's so sweet." Mikasa said as she leaned against Eren's arm.

"And soo cute!" Sasha gushed. "He loves to eat too, huh?" Sasha said as she chewed on a bread roll.

"He really does." Lilly laughed as she brushed her fingers over his plump cheek.

"Ma!" Seth cooed as he pointed up at Jean as if he was showing him to her.

"Looks like he likes you." Lilly smirked at Jean.

Jean smiled down at her and then they heard the door open. Levi stood there staring at them before lowering his eyes to his son in Jean's arms.

"Da Da Da!" Seth bounced in Jean's arms, trying to get to his father.

Levi's boots clunked against the wooden floor as he made his way to Jean to scoop Seth up.

"Awhhh." Hange and Sasha said.

Seth buried his face in Levi's chest.

"He was good again today. I wanted to see how he'd do in a room full of people. He interacts well with everyone but Jean is his favorite." Hange laughed.

"Oh, really. Interesting." Levi said as he looked into his son's eyes.

"Na!" Seth smacked Levi in the nose.

"He's been doing that a lot too." Conny groaned as he rubbed his nose.

"Seth, wanna see me?" Lilly asked the baby as he clung to his father.

"Ma." Seth put his chubby hands out to her and she took him into her arms.

"Hi baby. Want to go home?" Lilly asked as he clung to her.

"You two should get going. It looks like rain." Levi said in a low tone.

Lilly glanced at him briefly and turned to look at the rest of the squad.

"Thank you guys for taking such good care of him. He's lucky to have so many people who love him. I'll see you all tomorrow." Lilly said.

"No problem Lilly!"

"You're welcome!"

"Say bye to daddy." Lilly said to Seth, glancing away from Levi as he kissed Seth on the top of his head.

Lilly walked by Levi without a word and left the office with a frown tugging heavily on her face.

_They'd have a talk later._

...

Seth was sleeping upstairs while Lilly finished cleaning the kitchen. It was late, and Levi should have been home. She tried to push her angry thoughts out of her head, but she couldn't stop thinking about Eloise.

Just as she was about to blow out the candle, Levi walked through the door. She leaned against the doorway and waited as he took his cloak and boots off at the door.

Then he gazed up at her.

"You're really late, huh." Lilly spoke quietly.

"Well I had to replace those wooden titans and that only took about five hours." He said as he walked through the kitchen.

Lilly glared at him quietly with her arms over her chest.

"Look. I know you're pissed off about Eloise. I get it-"

"Why don't you say something to her?" Lilly interrupted.

"I have."

"When"

"Just yesterday." He said as he walked past her.

She grabbed his arm.

"Two girls told me they've been watching her flirt with you since you came back from leave. And you only said something to her yesterday?" Lilly furrowed her brows at him.

"Lilly, up until yesterday, the most she's done is stare and come by my office for stupid unimportant shit. It was never enough cause for me to speak with her about it. And I really rather not when I have a thousand other things to be focused on during the day." Levi said.

"Until yesterday?" Lilly questioned.

Levi was getting irritated, she could tell.

"She tried to grab my arm and I stopped her. Then I went and punished her for what she did to you during training. But it only seemed to give her the wrong idea and then today's bullshit happened." Levi said to her.

"She tried to touch you? And you punished her? Punished her how?" Lilly asked.

"For fucksake. I gave her a week of men's laundry." Levi answered.

"Ew. Gross." Lilly said, though she was satisfied imagining Eloise wash skid marks out of sweaty underwear. "But I'm angry about today." Lilly said.

Levi stood still, waiting for her to speak with his typical icy expression, his arms still crossed over his chest as he leaned against the doorframe.

"Today. You didn't say anything to her about what she did. You had a perfect reason to." Lilly spoke calmly.

"Lilly. The girl wasn't wearing a bra. Need I say more?!" He asked.

"Then don't get mad when I stomp her face in." Lilly snapped.

"You can't take matters like that into your own hands!" He snapped back.

"You did nothing!" Lilly exclaimed as she dropped her hands.

"I wrote her up when I got back to the office!" He shot back.

"You didn't say anything in front of all of those cadets! You could have! You made me look stupid!" Lilly exclaimed.

"That wasn't my intent! I didn't want to look at her with her shirt being completely see through! I'm not explaining myself to you about this. This is fucking stupid." He said her.

"Fucking stupid? If it happens again, know I'll gladly pay the price of running a hundred laps to put her in line." Lilly said, looking him dead in the eyes.

"It's not going to happen again. And if you're concerned about me having some kind of interest in her, don't. You know how I feel about you, and you know no one could ever replace you. So quit worrying about it and focus on the things that really matter. Like your training. Don't forget we are leaving Wall Rose in two months." Levi said as he stared at her with a serious expression.

Lilly crossed her ams and sighed.

He was right.

She knew Levi loved her. Realistically, there's no way that Levi could ever look at someone like Eloise and think that the way she acted was attractive. She and Levi shared so much more that bound them together.

"I'm sorry." Lilly apologized quietly to him.

"Hey. Listen, as your husband, I understand why you were pissed off. Don't think that I wouldn't be as livid if the roles were switched. But with our positions in the Scout Regiment, there are certain ways we have to go about things, especially with so many watchful eyes on us. Especially now. Everyone living within these walls is counting on us. That's what's most important. If it makes you feel better, I'll pull her aside and speak with her about it. We both know you don't want to run a hundred laps." He said before pulling her into his strong chest.

"Thank you for understanding... I'm grateful for you." She looked up at him softly.

He leaned in and kissed her gently before turning to grab the newly prepared sleep tincture off the counter.

"I love you. Now let's get to bed. I'm not going easy on you tomorrow during our spar." Levi smirked as he roughed up her hair.

She smirked up at him and sighed softly to herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly feel so weird writing them bicker but I feel that it brings a realistic touch to their relationship so forgive me if it felt weird to read lmao.


	65. The Calm Before The Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So sorry this took a bit. This is more of a transitional chapter so I had a bit of a writers block. Thank you for your continuous support, and if anyone has Wattpad, I’d super appreciate it if you gave me some love on there as I upload chapters there when I get the chance. 
> 
>  
> 
> <333333

_A Month later_

*Lilly wiped her tears as she got down from her horse. Seth was clinging to her chest as she cradled him in one arm.

_How could her sweet time with him have flown by so quickly?_

He babbled and sang the whole ride to the orphanage, so Lilly couldn't help but laugh and cry at the same time as she rode her horse beside Levi's.

_But now they were there._

It was time for her to return on duty full time.

Now Historia would be taking Seth under her wing. Lilly's baby would no longer be just down the road for only two hours a day. He'd be many miles away, and he'd be out of her arms for most of the hours of the day.

_Her heart was broken._

_Everything was screaming inside her to just turn around and take her baby back home._

Levi got down from his horse beside her, keeping his typical stoic expression as he watched her wipe the last of her tears.

"He will be fine here." Levi said quietly.

It must have been the dozenth time he had reassured her on the matter. But as always, he was patient and kind to her. Especially when it came to being separated from Seth.

"Mama?" Seth cooed softly as he looked up at her with his grey eyes, his chubby fist clinging to her green scout cape.

Lilly chuckled quietly as she looked down into his sweet face, gently brushing his silky raven hair back. He'd need a trim soon. His hair was growing out quickly, and he was very much looking like a miniature version of his father.

Levi put his hand on her lower back, a silent reminder that they were short on time. The sun had just come up and they'd need to report at headquarters within the hour. Her feet reluctantly carried her to the front door of the orphanage. She could hear the children giggling and running from the other side of the door.

Then Levi knocked.

Historia appeared at the door in clothing you wouldn't normally expect a queen to be wearing, but it made perfect sense as to why when Lilly looked past her and saw the number of children sitting at the table, spilling and flinging their food as her other assistants tried to keep some children in their seats.

"Good morning Captain, Lilly." Historia smiled warmly. "I've been looking forward to seeing this little one today." She grinned down at Seth as he watched her cautiously from Lilly's arms. "Come in. Please." She said as she moved out of the way to let Lilly and Levi step in.

Historia closed the door behind her as Lilly stepped in and gazed at all the children. They looked happy and well taken care of. She couldn't imagine what a nice change this must have been for them after coming up from the underground.

"We are running behind." Levi said to Historia as Lilly held Seth closer against her chest.

Lilly looked down at Seth with more tears stinging her eyes, threatening to fall once more. She softly peppered kisses to his face as he looked around at all the kids running around and playing. Levi appeared beside her and pressed a kiss onto the top of Seth's head.

"I love you so much. I'll be back for you later, okay?" Lilly said softly against Seth's cheek.

Lilly reluctantly put Seth into Historia's arms and he instantly started to whimper, his bottom lip quivering.

"Mama! Mama!" He cried frantically, putting his chubby arms out for her.

"No hunny, it's okay." Lilly said softly as she brushed his pink cheek with her fingers. "You're okay. You'll like her."

"It's okay you guys. I got it." Historia said reassuringly to Lilly and Levi.

Levi nodded his head and took Lilly's hand in his own as he led her out the door. She could hear Seth wailing frantically behind the door and then she began to sob, stopping in her tracks in front of the horses.

Levi didn't say anything. He just wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his chest, softly rubbing the back of her neck and pressing his lips against her cheek.

Surely he knew there wasn't much he could say to make that pain go away.

But this was their lives now.

_This they couldn't change._

...

As soon as Lilly and Levi got to headquarters, they parted in different directions for the day. Lilly was assigned wall patrol, as there weren't any scouting missions scheduled until further notice, due to the preparation of the expedition to Shiganshina District.

Lilly stood up on the wall, overlooking Trost as she once had before. The District was flourishing once again, and it was a rewarding thing to see. Because not long ago, this wall had been breached by the colossus titan. And not long after that, they had fought against their own corrupt humanity within this very district.

So much had happened here. So many battles fought.

So many lives given for this reality she was witnessing now.

And she had been apart of it all.

Lilly sighed quietly to herself as turned around and started to walk over the top of the wall. Her shift was almost up.

It relieving to be done her refreshment training, and to have gotten away from Eloise's evil gaze. The month leading up to today was pretty quiet between them besides a few exchanges of heated glares. But Eloise didn't 'get her back' by any means.

_Empty threats obviously._

By the time Lilly's shift was over, it was time for lunch. She made her way to the Mess Hall and sat at the table with her meal as she waited for her friends to come sit. She quietly nibbled at a bread roll as more soldiers trickled in the hall.

"Welcome back." Jean slapped Lilly's back as he sat beside her.

"Oh, hey. Thanks." Lilly chuckled as she glanced out the side of her eye at him.

"How's it going so far? Missing your kid I bet, huh?" Jean asked as he sipped his water.

"Yeah. A lot. But the day is passing faster than I expected so that's a relief. I'll be going to get him in no time." Lilly smiled at him.

"There you go. I like that positive attitude." He smiled his typical crooked smile at her.

"Hey guys." Eren sat down with Mikasa across from them.

The two looked particularly closer than usual, which was already pretty damn close.

"You looked wiped out." Jean said to Eren as he took a bite out of his apple.

Eren sighed and held his head in his hands. He looked quite overwhelmed. Mikasa cleared her throat softly.

"Captain Levi and Hange had him completing some titan experiments today. Trying to prepare him for Shiganshina. Shorty was overdoing it though, as usual. He always pushes him too far." Mikasa glared over at Levi as he entered the Hall with Hange. "No offense, Lilly."

"Mikasa it wasn't that bad." Eren groaned. "You don't have to be so overprotective."

"Yeah Mikasa, lighten up." Conny teased as he sat down beside her with Sasha.

"Okay so, if anyone doesn't want their bread rolls, I definitely will take them for you." Sasha announced to the table.

Lilly shook her head and smiled as she picked up her apple.

"Hey girl. How was patrol?" April asked Lilly as she sat beside her.

"Not eventful, but beats being around Eloise." Lilly smirked.

"So are you guys ready? Just one more month and we can finally get our answers." Armin says as he sits beside Eren. "This is going to be a huge mission." He adds as he stares out into space.

"Yeah, lets hope there's actually something down there. It better be worth it." Jean huffs.

"My father said the answers were in the basement. This has to be it. He was never a liar." Eren furrows his brows at Jean.

"I trust that it will be worth it Eren. Either way, we have to have faith. We've come so far." Lilly looks up from her plate.

"Right. We have to cling to the hope we have." Armin agrees as he looks into Lilly's eyes.

Suddenly everyone's eyes are drawn to the end of the table where Levi is passing with Hange, his eyes on Lilly. He then looked away and took his seat with Hange.

"Wow, you guys are so professional here, you wouldn't even know you were married." Conny says with his mouth full.

"That's true, I hardly see them interact." Mikasa says.

Lilly almost tuned out their gossiping of her and Levi's interactions as she watched him sit at his table. He seemed to know exactly when she stared to stare because he turned his face in her direction and his eyes followed, grey orbs meeting with hers. She gave him a small smile before returning her attention back to the ridiculous conversation at her table.

She'd missed her friends. _She'd missed this._

But she still couldn't wait to go scoop Seth up in her arms, and give him an entire day's worth of kisses.

...

After lunch, Lilly got up to throw away her trash. She turned around and walked right into Levi's chest.

"Oh, sorry." She smiled softly.

"How's your day going?" He asked in his typical low tone.

Lilly adjusted her collar as he gazed down at her intently.

"It's been fine. Getting back into the old routine. I miss him a lot though." Lilly says in a soft tone.

Levi nods his head.

"It was not the easiest on me either initially. I understand." Levi said quietly.

Lilly nodded quietly and looked away.

"So, What are my cleaning duties for today?" Lilly asked in a more cheerful tone.

"Oh." Levi looked to the clock hanging on the wall. "I usually have paperwork to fill out during this time. I was going to assign you the windows of the study hall in fifteen minutes."

Lilly smirked at him knowingly.

"Are you asking me to come spend fifteen minutes with you in your office?" She asks flirtatiously.

"I might be." Levi said in a low tone, his expression just as stoic.

Lilly smiled as she walked past him.

"Okay." She grinned as she walked out the Mess Hall doorway with Levi following behind her.

When they exited, Eloise was across the road watching them with a couple of other male cadets by her side. Lilly turned her face away immediately, ignoring her as they continued to Levi's office.

...

During the short fifteen minutes that Lilly sat in the office with Levi, they both shared a cup of tea and talked about Seth. When it was time for her to leave, they shared a kiss by the door. His lips traced over her skin as he pulled her in closer.

"Levi, do you want me to clean those windows or not?" She chuckled.

"Am I bothering you?" He asked against her hair.

"Of course not." She smirked as she kissed his lips again.

"Well go on. Get to it. I need you to go with Jaeger to help unload the rations from the delivery wagon after. So be quick." Levi said in a more serious tone.

"Okay, Alright." Lilly smiled as she walked out the door.

...

At the end of the day Lilly met Levi at the stables. She hopped up on her horse and could hardly wait to get back to Seth. She rode ahead of Levi the entire way to the orphanage, and when they arrived, she was the first one to jump off their horse.

The sun had already set by now, the other children were without a doubt already in bed for the night. Lilly quietly walked up the orphanage steps and stood on the porch with Levi by her side, and softly knocked on the door.

"Do you think he did okay?" Lilly asked in almost a whisper.

"I think he did fine." Levi said as he pressed a small kiss to her cheek.

Just then Historia opened the door and stood before them with a warm smile.

Lilly blushed quietly and smiled at Historia as Levi pulled away.

"Come in. He just fell asleep." Historia said in a hushed tone.

Lilly and Levi followed behind her quietly. The place was extremely quiet. The fireplace was lit and one of Historia's assistants were sweeping up the floor from the dinner they must of had not long ago.

They then followed Historia up the stairs as quietly as the could and were led to one of the rooms where the younger children were sleeping. Historia carefully tiptoed to a wooden cradle and gently lifts their sleeping baby out of it and into her arms. He doesn't wake as Historia transfers him into Lilly's arms.

"He must be really tired." Lilly smiles as she looks down at his sweet sleeping face.

"He had a lot of fun crawling after the older children. It was easy to tell that he wanted to be able to run with them." Historia chuckled softly as the quietly headed back down the stairs.

"So he did well here then." Levi said as his eyes met with Historia's.

"Yes. He was very happy, and didn't fuss once after he calmed down. He's an angel." Historia said as she reached up and pet Seth's head gently as he slept in Lilly's arms.

"You have no idea how happy I am to hear that. I couldn't stop thinking about him all day." Lilly said quietly as she looked down at Seth.

"Well just know that while you're gone, he's doing very well here and having lots of fun." Historia smiled softly.

And it did ease her mind. As the next few weeks went by, Lilly did miss Seth just as badly. But knowing he was happy and having fun while she and Levi were away made it a lot easier on her as she went about her day. Two weeks into her full time routine, and she was feeling like she never truly left. She began training alone with the rest of her squad for a couple hours a day during the afternoon in preparation for the expedition to Shiganshina. Eren, Mikasa, Conny, Sasha, Armin, Jean and Levi.

Occasionally Hange would stop by and watch them with Commander Erwin.

But Erwin and Hange particularly kept their eyes on Lilly as she exhibited her increased speed and agility, and Hange would jot down notes as she stood beside the Commander and Levi.

Yeah, things were truly feeling like they used to. Things felt peaceful and quiet. It wasn't something she was used to, considering her life had been pure chaos since she had joined the Scout Regiment.

_But she couldn't complain either._

Besides getting back into the swing of things, Lilly had made it a daily ritual to visit Levi in his office for fifteen minutes after lunch. This was really the most alone time they'd get during the day. Most times, as soon as they got home they'd just go straight to bed.

And though it wasn't much, she was grateful to even just sit in his presence with a hot cup of tea as he got his paperwork ready to review.

But Lilly also noticed something else around this time.

Eloise always seemed to be outside with the same two male cadets across the road when Lilly was leaving Levi's office. And as usual, Lilly would turn her head away and continue on with her day, ignoring the evil glare burning into the side of her head. Thankfully besides mealtime, this was the only time she was coming even remotely close to the girl.

 

_Peaceful._

_Quiet._

_Easygoing._

_Stress free._

 

That's how her first three weeks back as a full time soldier went.

But the week of the expedition came around.

 

 

_And it all turned out to be nothing but the calm before the storm._


	66. Rache

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, sorry I suck lmao. From here I’m going to try and update once a week as I did before the holidays. Next chapter contains spoilers for my anime watchers only, so please keep that in mind. Thank you all for your support. Enjoy.

*LILLY POV*

Lilly stretched out in the field after running her laps alongside her squad.

Levi hadn't been going easy on them the last month. He was really adamant about them being in good shape before the expedition in just three days, and had been working them to the bone.

Extra laps. Extra ODM practice. Drills to see who could equip their gear the fastest. Bickering about eating enough and sleeping enough.

Lilly could hear the new recruits whisper about how 'harsh' and 'strict' Levi was when it came to the squad's training as they passed by. But Lilly knew he was only pushing them this hard because he didn't want to lose any of them they was he'd lost countless others.

He genuinely cared for them, even if he had a funny way of showing it.

So none of it really bothered her, even if she climbed into bed every night sore and completely exhausted.

Because she didn't want to lose anyone either.

And taking care of herself was important for Seth's sake as well.

After leaving the field Lilly walked to the Mess Hall and sat to eat her meal. As always, her friends joined her and they joked around at the table as Sasha picked off their plates. Lilly and Levi would exchange quiet glances across the room, their eyes softening at the sight of one another. She always looked forward to the short fifteen minutes of time they got to spend together after meal. So as usual, she watched him get up five minutes before their mealtime ended to beat the crowd of scouts and get his paperwork in order before she got there. And like clockwork, she got up five minutes later with the rest of the soldiers to continue on with their day.

She casually made her way out onto the stone road to make the walk to Levi's office, but when she got to the door, she heard a voice inside.

A females voice.

_Eloise's voice._

*LEVI POV*

Levi had just poured himself a cup of tea when he heard a knock on his office door. He quietly sighed to himself as he set the two cups of tea down on his desk, knowing it wasn't Lilly because Lilly never knocked.

No, she always barged right in.

"Come in." He called as he took his seat.

The door opened.

Then entered a certain redhead that he had been avoiding like the plague the past month. She wore a innocent enough expression as she closed the door behind her. But what the hell could she possibly need?

"What do you want?" He asked in a flat tone as he read over his papers.

She walked across the room and took a seat in the chair across from him, crossing her legs neatly. Her green orbs flickered to his unenthusiastic expression, a slight smirk pulling on the corners of her lips.

"I noticed how uptight you've been out on the field lately." She sighed in a nonchalant tone as she ran her fingers over the edge of his desk. "You've got a lot of responsibility on those shoulders of yours." Her eyes trailed down his neck and over his shoulders. "It must be... rough."

Levi's eyes narrowed as he watched her face cautiously.

"What are you getting at, Cadet." Levi glared, becoming more irritated by the second.

"I figured I could offer you something... to help you relax." She said in a soft and innocent tone, but her face said otherwise.

Her expression had mischief written all over it. Absolutely not. He knew what she was offering. Not a chance in hell.

"Tch. I'm all set." He said as he returned his attention to his paperwork. "Get out."

He heard her seat creak and watched as her shadow appeared over his papr.

She stood, staring down at him.

"Did I stutter?" He asked as he glared up at her. "Get lost."

"Captain, you haven't heard me out yet." She purred as she casually made her way around the desk to him.

"There's no need for me to hear you out. Are you out of your fucking mind?" Levi snapped. "Not interested."

"Hm. How could you know that for sure? That seems silly to reject something you've tried." She said, twirling her scarlet hair in her fingers.

Just then he heard what sounded like a small rock get thrown at his window. He turned his head when he heard the tap, and suddenly Eloise was in his lap.

He startled at the sudden intrusion, his eyes wide with surprise at the audacity.

"Get the fuck off-" Just as he was grabbing her collar to push her off, he heard the door open. Eloise's lips came crashing against his open mouth. Then he heard Lilly gasp from the doorway. Instantly, he threw Eloise to the ground, standing and wiping his mouth in disbelief.

Lilly stood in the doorway, mouth open in disbelief. Her blue eyes were pained with shock as her fair hair hung loosely around her face, out of her usual braid.

Worn the way she knew he liked it.

"Levi..." Lilly's expression went from pained to hostile. Her blue orbs drilled into him with a furry he'd only seen on the battlefield.

"Captain, you dog!" Eloise tried to act surprised and offended.

Lilly looked to Eloise with hate filled eyes.

_All hell was about to break loose._

_He needed to set this straight and quick._

"Lilly she-"

"Shut up Levi!" Lilly snapped loudly, cutting him off.

His mouth hung open stupidly as he watched her look between him and Eloise who was getting to her feet. Levi could see the way her chest was rising that she was about to murder one of them.

"Now, now Lilly. I'm sure it must sting." Eloise smirked devilishly at her, satisfaction etched in her face. "But it was only a matter of time. He's surrounded by women all day long. And well, maybe you're not that exciting anymore."

Lilly's eyes were glassing over with tears of anger, her jaw tightening in pure rage.

It was clear that Eloise wanted to see Lilly in pain. She was digging on purpose, getting her worked up for the satisfaction that it brought her.

She wanted to get in between him and Lilly the entire time, that was obvious.

But after Lilly put her in line a month ago, she wanted revenge.

She had been plotting this, watching them everyday for the past month, waiting for her time to strike.

And because of that, she knew Lilly would walk in during this time.

She knew she'd get to see Lilly's hurt reaction when she walked in as she threw herself onto him.

But how did she know Lilly was coming right that second? The timing was _too_ perfect. Was there some sort of signal? Some way for Eloise to have known Lilly was close?

_Wait._

The tap at the window.

_The rock._

There was someone else in on this.

Levi was more than used to thinking critically in this manner. That was Eloise's downfall. She didn't know him the way Lilly knew him.

That's how he'd dig himself out of this, and he could only hope Lilly would be receiving.

"Lilly, she set this up. Are you kidding me? Do you truly believe I'd do this shit to you?" Levi said in a low tone as he walked towards her.

Lilly growled in frustration.

" _Don't_ come near me." She said with anger in her eyes.

"Do you think I'm a fucking idiot? We meet at this time everyday! Why would I bring her in here and fuck around knowing you'd be walking through the door at any moment?" He snapped at her.

Lilly's eyes softened ever so slightly.

_She was thinking._

"You called me in here, so you clearly didn't care." Eloise flipped her hair over her shoulder.

"Shut your whore mouth!" Lilly shouted at her.

"Lilly. I came in here as I always do. Look, over there is two cups of tea. One is the exact way that you enjoy it, in your favorite cup, on the specific saucer I gifted you for your birthday." He said. He watched as she looked over at the untouched cup of tea with teary eyes, her breathing was still rapid and upset. "I was expecting you, like I do everyday at this time." Levi said in a assertive tone.

Eloise obviously hadn't taken that into consideration because at this point, her face started to flush.

"Okay. But then why was she in your lap, kissing you?" Lilly watched him carefully as she waited for his answer, stepping away from him with each step he took towards her.

"Because she wanted you to see that. She came in here offering herself to me and I denied her. All I know is there was a rock thrown at my window at the exact moment she cane unto me and from there you walked in. All too convenient in my opinion." Levi snapped as his eyes drilled into Eloise's expression.

It was clear her confidence was slipping by the second.

"Ha, that's ridiculous." Eloise scoffs.

"But is it? I'm sure you haven't given a favor or two in exchange for some assistance in this whole scheme. Certainly not to one of the cadets that I've seen you standing across the road with at this time everyday." Levi said in a low tone.

"W-What... no!" Eloise exclaimed defensively.

"Admit it. Lilly hurt your pride that day in training. You felt humiliated and second best. So you wanted to inflict that on her by setting this scheme up with the assistance of one of the men you do 'favors' for." Levi's eyes narrowed.

Lilly's expression relaxed at that point, relief written on her face.

"Levi..." Lilly turned her face to look at him. "I trust you." She said quietly.

Levi nodded his head, silently relieved himself.

Eloise's brows furrowed in frustration. She had failed.

Lilly's face instantly returned back to it's previous furious state. Lilly then locked the door behind her before storming towards Eloise with her fists balled up.

Levi turned his face the other way.

...

Levi, Lilly, and Eloise sat in their seats before Erwin in awkward silence.

Eloise looked nothing like she did an hour prior. Both her eyes were black. Her shirt torn. Her lip busted and her nose bloodied. Her hair a frizzed up mess. If he hadn't known better, it'd appear she'd been out in Wall Maria with the titans.

Lilly had really given it to her, and his office unfortunately suffered her wrath as well.

Levi had to pull Lilly off her once it got too out of hand. Eloise had curled up in a ball on his floor, completely submissive.

But even then, Lilly wouldn't let up.

_So here they were._

Erwin stared at them, completely speechless as they sat.

"So, Levi. You're telling me that you will let Eloise off punishment for sexual assault against you, her superior, as long as Lilly doesn't receive punishment for assault and battery on Eloise, a fellow soldier." Erwin asks as he watches Levi from his seat.

"Yes. An eye for an eye, if you will." Levi leaned back in his seat. "And less paperwork for the both of us. We are busy after all, with the upcoming expedition in only three days. We've got more important shit to deal with than all of this cheap drama." He crossed his arms over his chest.

He could tell that Erwin was heavily considering it as he gazed at all of them. He then sighed and sat up in his seat.

"I agree to these terms. But I better not hear of another incident between you two. This is the Survey Corps. Let's represent ourselves in a more respectable manner please."

"Yes Sir." Lilly and Eloise saluted quietly beside one another.

"Go." Erwin said as he returned his attention to his paperwork.

Lilly and Eloise got up and leave silently, and Levi gave Erwin one last glance before leaving the office.

...

*LILLY POV*

"Mama. Mama." Seth tugged on her pants as he sat in between her legs on the floor in the living room.

She decided to let him stay up late that night just so she and Levi could spend some extra time with him. They tried to make the most of every precious moment with their son, even if it meant losing a little bit of sleep.

"He needs a haircut. It's hanging in his eyes." Levi said in an unamused tone as he watched Seth from beside her.

"Well trim it." Lilly replied as she lifted Seth off the floor and onto her lap.

"Tch. He won't hold still." Levi said as he pushed Seth's hair out of his face.

Seth immediately grabbed Levi's hand and started to kiss his palm as Lilly bounced him on her knee.

"Yes he will. We will just give him something to distract him." Lilly kissed Seth's cheek as he babbled into Levi's hand.

"Like what?" Levi asked as he looked up at Lilly with a skeptical expression.

...

*LEVI POV*

The strong vinegary scent of pickle rose up to Levi's face as he trimmed Seth's hair in the kitchen at 10 pm at night.

Seth was intently gnawing on a pickle that Lilly gave him in hopes he'd be preoccupied enough to hold still while he trimmed his hair.

_And It worked._

Lilly of course, wore a stupid smug grin as she watched Levi wrinkle his nose in distaste at the smell.

"Tch. You think you're hilarious don't you." Levi couldn't help but smirk himself.

"You thought this war was over, didn't you Levi?" Lilly leaned into his ear. "Well it's only begun." She whispered, her breath tickling the side of his neck as her lips brushed against the sensitive skin.

"Hmn." Was all he could respond with as a blush graced his cheeks.

He finished up Seth's hair, giving the child a much better view of the world without his raven locks dangling in his eyes. Levi wasn't all that surprised at how fast Seth's hair had grown considering his own hair grew pretty quick. He was constantly having to go over his own undercut, or having Lilly assist him trimming his hair if she offered.

"Look at you! So handsome!" Lilly picked Seth up in her arms and kissed his nose.

Seth continued to gnaw on the last of the pickle as she carried him to the bath to wash the left over hair off him and get him ready for bath. Levi then cleaned up the kitchen and blew out the candles and met Lilly upstairs to put Seth down in his crib. The two lethargically got into bed and tangled up together quietly, feeling the warmth of each other's bodies.

"I'm sorry I believed that you purposely kissed her today..." Lilly finally spoke.

Levi turned his face to look at her softened expression in the darkness.

"I should have just analyzed the situation before I reacted... but just seeing her with her filthy lips on yours..." Levi paused and took a shuddering sigh. "I know you'd never do that and-"

"Lilly. I get it. I would have reacted the same had the roles been reversed. Only the man who did that to you wouldn't have been walking." Levi said in a dark tone. "You weren't wrong to feel what you felt. But I'm relieved that we are at a place in our relationship where you could stop and put trust in me. That is important for us, in any situation."

He watched as Lilly stared at him for a moment, a small sigh leaving her lips. Carefully, she climbed over him and kissed him passionately as her small fingers cupped his face. Her lips trailed down the edge of his jaw and down the base of his throat. Her hands slid over the expanse of his chest, and he watched intently as her lips journeyed down his torso.

Then, a sharp breath left his lips as she took him into her mouth.

He cursed under his breath as she wrapped her velvety tongue around him. He wove his fingers into her hair as her head bobbed, and just as he felt he couldn't hold back any longer, she stopped.

He lifted his head to watch as she straddled him. She put his hands on her hips as she began to rock back and forth, driving him mad with desire. After teasing him for a good minute, he entered her, soliciting a quivering moan from her.

He sat up as she rode him. His lips parted against her throat and under her chin, his tongue leaving warm trails on the tender skin.

Her taste. Her smell. Her touch. He wanted it all.

His hands snaked up her back and into her hair as they made love.

Their mouths crashed against each other, teeth clumsily scraping, tongues intertwining, hands desperately grasping.

They both were sent over, moaning into each other's mouths.

And they both slowly collapsed into the sheets, Lilly falling asleep on his chest as she always did, and he wrapping his arm around her until he too eventually found sleep.


	67. Retaking Wall Maria

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even if the sky does fall  
> Even if they take it all  
> There's no pain that I won't go through  
> Even if I have to die for you  
> And when all the fires burn  
> When everything is overturning  
> There's no thing that I won't go through  
> Even if I have to die for you  
> And if the sun grows cold for you along the way  
> And if the stars don't line to light the way  
> And when you fall away and crash back down below  
> I'll search the skies for you and I'll follow  
> I'll be in your afterglow  
> And I'll bring you home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *SPOILERS for my readers who don’t read the manga.*

*LEVI POV*

Levi sat quietly in his seat, wearing his long military jacket. His arms were crossed over his chest as he stared down at the floor, listening to the ongoing discussion.

He, Hange and Erwin were in the middle of a meeting with a few other officials, going over the final details of the operation to retake Wall Maria.

Which was, that night.

Lilly was at home with Seth resting before they had to leave, soaking up every moment she could with their son. He would have liked to do the same if it weren't for this obligation.

So quietly he listened in to the conversation in the room, chiming in if only need be. But his mind couldn't help but wander back to his son that he'd be leaving with Historia until he and Lilly returned from the mission.

The plan for the operation wasn't a bad one at all. If things went smoothly, it should work. Leaving at night, on a new moon, would prevent them from being attacked by titans since they seem to have gotten their energy from sunlight. Levi had also been working Eren to the bone to get him to nail his newfound hardening abilities down. The goal of the operation was to close the holes in the wall using his solid titan skin. They would then find the Jaeger's old home, and get inside the basement.

"In other words, Eren's father, Grisha Jaeger... may very well be a human from outside the walls." Erwin said from his seat, his military jacket draped over his shoulders.

_Yeah._

That's what it seemed like after speaking with Sadies about what he knew in relation to Eren's father. Sadies was able to give a good amount of helpful detail, and it seemed the idea of humans outside the walls, wasn't all that farfetched after all. And as time passed, and more research was done in Lilly's home village of Radako, it seemed it really could be a possibility that titans could have originally been humans. Was it possible that the two were tied? Hopefully whatever Grisha Jaeger was hiding in the basement could give them further clarity on the matter.

"Yes... and he had the power of the titans... just like Annie, Reiner and Bertolt. But unlike those three, he wanted to help the humans inside the walls." Hange said.

"If He was so interested in the Survey Corps, it would have been helpful if he'd helped us out a bit more." One of the skeptical men said.

"I'm not sure... considering everything else he knew, it's possible that Dr. Jaeger even knew the truth about the ideology passed down in the Reiss family. Perhaps he chose not to share that to keep the royal government from finding out about him. But the moment Wall Maria was breached... he went straight to the Reiss family, the true leaders of the royal government and committed that act of madness...After getting behind the walls, he was probably investigating the royal government." Hange said as she carefully adjusted her glasses.

Levi lifted his head to observe the silent expressions around the room.

"In any case, he would've needed an incredible amount of resolve to do what he did. And it was this man who wanted to show his 10-year-old son, who hoped to join the Survey Corps...The room in the basement of their house. A room that, with his dying breath, he said held everything… What do you think could be in there?" Hange asked as she looked at Erwin.

Levi watched as Erwin stared out into space, obviously thinking deeply about his answer with a serious expression. Finally, Erwin lifted his head to speak.

"Something that he was forbidden to say… No… Something that he couldn't say even if he wanted to. In other words, the memory of the world that the first King Reiss erased from our minds. That's what I'd like to think… But sitting here, speculating, there's no way for us to know. As of today we are ready. The operation to retake Wall Maria… takes place tonight." Erwin glanced around the room. "So we want to know what's in that basement? Well, let's go see. Isn't that the Survey Corps way?" He asked, a slight smile on his lips and excitement in his eyes.

The faces in the room gradually began to smile. Except for Levi. Everyone started to rise, marking the ending of the meeting. Levi stood last, eyes glued to Erwin. As Hange took a step out the door, Levi leaned against the door with his back, shutting it with a thud practically on her heels. He continued to stare down at the floor as Erwin watched him from his seat.

Did Erwin truly think he was leaving on this mission in the state he was in? They may as well start planning his fucking funeral service now.

"What is it Levi?" Erwin gazed up at him from his seat, his blonde hair glowing in the sunlight coming in from the window behind him.

Levi was silent for a few seconds before he spoke.

"This may sound impatient… But what are we going to do after re-taking wall Maria? I assume that coming up with the defense plan will be first, but… After that?" Levi asked as his eyes met with Erwin's.

"Eliminating threats. There seems to be someone out on the other side of the walls who is determined to see us eaten by Titans. And our best shot of finding out who… Seems to be in that basement. So, as I said before… Let's think about that after we get to that basement." Erwin answered as he looked down at his notes scattered before him on the dark wooden table.

Levi's brows furrowed.

_He had to be screwing with him._

"… You realize I'm asking you because I don't know whether you'll live that long, right? You can't move like you used to be able to. As you are, you're Titan food." Levi watched as a frown tugged on Erwin's lips. He grasped at his upper arm, the one that was taken from him.

"Let Hange lead the troops on the ground. I'm not carrying any extra baggage. You stay here and wait for the good news. I'll tell them that I complained until you gave in… In fact, that's what I plan to do. All right?" Levi said sternly.

Erwin's expression looked almost pained as Levi watched him think in his seat.

"No." Erwin answered.

Levi tilted his chin up as he frowned deeply, his head resting against the door.

_Was he mad?_ He truly was as good as dead if he went out like this. He was not going to watch Erwin die too. _Not a chance._

Not _him_.

"I don't care. Use me as bait. The chain of command will remain. If I can't lead, Hange well. If Hange can't, the next in line will. I admit this operation will be difficult, but it will also be the most important human history. I've put everything I have into it. This is my plan. Without me, it's less likely to succeed." Erwin looked Levi in the eyes.

Levi silently fumed in frustration. His shoulder blades dug into the door as he stared at Erwin. This argument wasn't over yet. He could still convince him to stay.

"You're right. The operation might fail. And if you bite the dust while we're at it, we're done for. You just need to sit and use your head. That's enough. That'll do more than anything else. To trip up the Titans and help humanity. That'll do more than anything else…" Levi retorted.

Erwin looked back up at him.

"No, that's not true… I can do the most good by staking everything on this operation and–"

"Hold on, hold on, hold on." Levi interrupted Erwin with a scowl on his face. "Stop. Stop. If you give me one more noble-sounding excuse…I'll break both your legs." Levi reached out his hand. "I'll make them easy to put back together later… But break them bad enough to make sure you stay behind. Of course, it will hurt to go the bathroom for a while…"

Levi watched as Erwin began to snicker, and then the snicker gradually built up to a chuckle. He glared at Erwin, still frustrated with him. Erwin glanced down at the floor and smiled.

"That just wouldn't do… Of course, you're right… It's better for a wounded soldier to stay off the front lines. But you see… I have to be there… At the moment we learn the truth about this world." Erwin gazed up at Levi with an intense expression.

Levi's mouth parted and his eyes softened as he studied Erwin's expression. He was truly willing to die for the chance to know the truth... willing to put the operation at risk if he were to die in the midst of it... was he chasing this dream the entire time? Was this what kept him going during the most difficult decisions and all their failures?

"It's… That important to you? More than your legs?" Levi asked.

"Yes." Erwin answered, standing his ground.

"More than humanity's victory?" Levi narrowed his eyes.

"Yes." Erwin answered firmly.

Levi stared into Erwin's eyes in silence. He took a breath and opened his lips to speak.

"Fine." Levi said as he began to turn. "I'll trust your judgment." He slammed the door behind him.

*LILLY POV*

Lilly had bathed and finished changing into her uniform blouse and pants before packing a small bag for Seth while she and Levi were away. Seth played on the floor quietly, crawling behind her as she walked across the floor.

Her heart felt heavy.

Of course, she wasn't the only one who felt this way. Everyone in the Survey Corps got anxious before a mission outside the walls. It was the unknown that was terrifying. Even with the most solid plan of execution, the unknown could always interfere.

_And well, it usually did._

The possibility of death looming if their heads. Their eyes as they glanced at one another would linger longer than usual, not knowing if it'd be the last day they'd see that person alive. Glancing around the room, knowing it wouldn't be as full when they returned.

_If they returned._

It was all normal.

But this time was a bit harder than her previous missions.

This time she had a baby that she absolutely had to return to. Death was not an option. He needed her. That wasn't the only difficult aspect either. She knew she'd likely be gone for a few days, and it would be the longest amount of time, to date, that she'd ever been away from Seth.

But she remained strong in front of him. She tried her best not to cry, though she did already in the bath.

She spent her day napping and playing with him, loving every precious moment he gave her. The day before, she bright Seth over to visit April and Emelia at her house. It was important for her to spend as much time with her loved ones as possible, and seeing April always had away of giving her a pick me up. April was always positive and confident before missions and outings. Lilly loved that about her.

Not to mention, the way Emelia and Seth played together was purely heartwarming.

When Lilly finished packing the bag for Seth, she heard the door open downstairs. She looked down at Seth who immediately began to squeal in excitement, bouncing up and down on the floor. She heard footsteps come up the stairway and then Levi appeared in the doorway. His grey eyes met hers in a half-lidded gaze, his mouth in a slight frown.

He looked irritated and tired.

"How did it go?" She asked.

Seth immediately darted to Levi on his hands and knees. She watched as Levi crouched to pick Seth up, and then his eyes met with hers once more.

"Fine. Are you ready to go?" He asked in a low tone.

"Yes. Just finished packing his bag." Lilly answered as she picked it up.

She watched as Seth played with the collar of Levi's jacket. She could feel something was bothering him, but she figured it was probably not the best time to ask him.

"Let's get going then." Levi said as he began to go down the stairs with Seth in his arms. "We need to be there in an hour."

Lilly silently followed behind her husband, her heart starting to drop every step down the stairs.

_They'd be home soon._

...

Lilly sat quietly at her table in the Mess Hall as she remembered the way Seth's chubby hand held her finger as she kissed him goodbye. She had shed a tear as she took in his scent and every tiny detail of his face.

Now she was surrounded by loud and rowdy recruits who'd never even seen a titan up close, as they ate their special dinner before heading out. Only a few veterans sat in the Mess Hall, the look in their eyes much different. It made it easy to pick them out of the crowd. It was true, most of their soldiers now were new recruits, a lot from the garrison and military police. A lot of them had no idea what they were about to face.

_And it showed._

Levi ate quietly beside her, her arm pressed closely against his, as Sasha on her other side lost her mind over the meal.

_That night they were served red meat._

That's right. Actual red meat.

This was an extremely rare occurrence, so needless to say, everyone was ecstatic and fighting over the portions that were set on their tables. They had to have used an entire month's worth of food budget on this one meal. She wasn't sure how they pulled of a meal like this, but she wasn't complaining.

Especially knowing it would be a lot of these people's last.

And there she was, glancing around the room, wondering who she'd never see again. Who she'd die before her.

"Hey. You alright?" Levi nudged her with his arm.

"Y-Yeah. Sorry." She gazed down at her plate. "I was doing it again."

Levi silently nodded his head. He knew what she was referring to.

"Well go on and eat. Don't ruin your appetite." Levi said.

"Ah! I can't believe it!" Sasha exclaimed as drool visibly pooled in her mouth.

"Here's to recapturing Wall Maria!" The cook said as he lifted his mug in the front of the room.

Lilly and Levi had to of been the only ones paying attention to him because the rest of the tables were busy fighting over chunks of meat like wild animals.

"Calm down! We need to split it evenly!" A cadet from another table shouted.

"That's a big piece! It counts as two!"

"No way!"

"You suck with a sword! You'll be useless out there! Give it to me!" Another voice shouted from the table beside them.

Lilly quietly ate her food as the madness unfolded around them. Levi's arm felt tense against hers as he drank his tea with a pissed off expression.

She did not want to see him pop off tonight before the operation. She could tell he was trying very hard to refrain from doing so.

"What the hell do you think you're doing potato girl?!" Jean shouted as he tried to reclaim the entire hunk of meat that was for their table from Sasha, who'd stolen it for herself. "Have you gone completely crazy?!"

"Please, Sasha, Stop! I don't want to have to kill you!" Conny shouted as he tried to put her in a head lock.

"She's biting me!" Jean shouted in horror.

Lilly looked up at April who was hardly eating her food, as she sat beside Ben. She knew that she was experiencing the same thing as her at the moment, leaving her child behind on this mission. It was hard to enjoy the meal when their stomachs were in knots.

Lilly gave April a weak smile before her attention was drawn to Conny, Eren, Mikasa, and Jean as they sat Sasha down against one of the support beams. They had tied her there to prevent her from stealing anyone else's food, or eating anyone else for that matter. They all stared down at her in relief before returning to their seats.

"Tch. Ridiculous." Levi muttered.

Lilly smirked slightly as she looked up at him. He turned his face ever so slightly to look at her. She put her hand on his thigh and sighed.

"Are you okay? You seem like something may be bothering you." She said softly.

Levi cleared his throat quietly.

"You mean besides sitting in the middle of all this stupid shit?" He asked.

"Yes. Besides sitting in the middle of all this stupid shit." She said.

He was quiet for a moment and looked around the rowdy room before speaking.

"Erwin is going tonight. I tried to convince him not to." He lowered his voice so only she could hear him.

"He's going with his arm like that?" She asked her eyes widening.

"Yes. And he is set on going for the sake of knowing the truth about humanity. Even if he dies in the process. That's his wish. But that will fuck everything up if we lose him." Levi fumed beside her.

"Did you try threatening to break his other arm?" She asked, knowing Levi all too well at this point in their relationship.

"Tch. No. Both his legs." Levi muttered as he glared at his plate.

"Levi he's not going to do well out there if-"

"I know that. Okay? I don't want to further discuss it." He cut her off.

Lilly frowned as she looked down at her food. She felt sorry for him, being in his position. First they designated him to be the one who carries the titan serum that Kenny gave him, putting that responsibility on him. And now he was going to stand by as Erwin went out on a dangerous mission with one arm. Lilly knew Levi could have easily carried out his threat, as extreme as it was. But his trust and respect he had with Erwin was much stronger than his personal feelings about what the man chose to do. He was the Commander, so Levi was in real no position to tell him he couldn't go.

It had to be hard for him.

Lilly slowly nodded her head and continued to eat until yet again, another fight broke out between Jean and Eren.

"You think you're so cool, you braying jackass!" Jean shouted.

"What's with the long hair, you deluded bastard?!" Eren shouted back.

Levi huffed and folded his hands in front of his mouth beside her. She could tell he was silently losing his patience.

"They will stop in a minute." Lilly said quietly as she put her hand on his back.

But they didn't stop. And Levi's eyes were drilling holes in the backs of their heads. The fight became physical and a crowd surrounded the two as they threw blows at each other. But no one was stopping them, not even Mikasa.

Levi rose out of his seat and Lilly pinched the bridge of her nose. Her and April watched as Levi came up from behind the two fighting young men.

"Hey." He said before knocking the air from Jean's lungs with a tight fist, and kicking Eren in the gut, sending him straight across the floor. "All of you. You're being too rowdy. Go get ready. Meal is over. And clean this shit up." Levi ordered in a dark tone.

"Yes Sir!" They all said.

"He's in an especially good mood today, isn't he?" April smirked at Lilly.

Lilly sighed as she finished her food.

...

The sun was setting as Lilly walked over the top of the wall beside Levi as they led their horses to the lifts along with the rest of the soldiers. The sky was a beautiful mix of reds, oranges and purples as the sun lowered. The breeze blew through her hair, sending chills down her neck. They loaded their horses onto the lift and then looked down onto the District of Trost where it's civilians were gathering to see them off. This drew the attention of the rest of the soldiers who lined up beside them.

"Take back Wall Maria!" One voice called up to them.

"The future of mankind is in your hands!" Another shouted.

"Captain Levi! Thank you for saving this town! All of you come back safely!" One man called.

Lilly turned her head and smiled at him as she held his hand. He gently squeezed it in his. His face softened as he looked down at all these people wishing them well.

"How long has it been since the Survey Corps had a send off like this?" Levi asked Erwin on his other side.

"As far as I know... this is a first." Erwin answered as his eyes remained on the crowd.

They spent another moment smiling down at the crowd before the Commander lifted his blade in the air.

"RAAAAAAAAA!" He shouted, getting the the crowd below to cheer and shout.

Lilly glanced up at Erwin in surprise and then all of the soldiers lifted their swords in the air and began to cheer as well. She cheered along, and Levi pulled her close.

"For good luck." He said before pressing his lips onto hers.

Lilly smiled into the kiss, and slowly he pulled back.

"My eyes will be set on you." He said as his steely orbs stared into her eyes.

"And mine on you." She promised as she squeezed his hand.

"Commence the final operation to retake Wall Maria!" The Commander shouted.

With that, they rode the lifts down and got onto their horses. Lilly glanced back at her comrades before pulling up her hood.

"Advance!" Erwin ordered in a loud shout.

The formation began to move forward, and Levi rode his horse closely beside hers as the last of the sun disappeared over the horizon.

...

It was pitch black as Lilly led her horse through the woods on foot, following behind Levi and the Commanding unit. Only the glow on lanterns lit their way through the forest. Behind her we're a long line of soldiers in the other ranks leading their horses as well.

They'd been walking for hours through the night. Lilly kept here eyes forward as she passed under and through the trees, her eyes mostly glued to the back of a Levi's hooded form, his silhouette illuminated by the glow of the lantern that he was holding. He would glance back at her every so often, and she'd toss him a soft smile.

"Are we still not to the foot of this thing? It's almost dawn." Levi asked the hooded soldier in front of him.

"If we can get past this mountain, we will be close to Shiganshina." The soldier replied.

"Titan to the left!" Jean's voice called out.

Lilly and Levi instantly turned their heads, prepared for combat.

"Everyone halt! Illuminate the area!" Hange ordered.

The soldiers did as ordered and shown their lights to reveal the titan resting against a tree. He wasn't moving and seemed to be falling asleep.

"It's okay.. he's dozing away. This little one doesn't seem to be one of the types that can move around at night." Hange sighed in relief.

Lilly stared at the titan blankly. It'd been over a year since she'd seen one this close. She could feel the adrenaline pumping through her veins as her eyes took in the sight of it.

Just then she felt Levi bump into her as he passed by her, snapping her back into focus. He had moved quickly to cover her back without her even noticing.

"Heh heh. Too bad. We'll leave him be." Hange said as she continued to lead their group forward.

Leaves and twigs crunched under their boots as they advanced. Lilly pet her horse's snout to keep it calm. It was safe to say her nervous energy a few minutes prior had affected the poor animal.

"We didn't even notice it until we were so close..." Eren said as he walked beside Hange.

"Exactly. Normally, I would advise against midnight stroll through the forest… But this darkness is probably what's protecting us." Hange said in a low tone.

Levi glanced at Lilly for a second as she led her horse over a rocky rise in the terrain.

"When Conny and Historia encountered a moving Titan that night, the moon was out. And moon light is just reflected sunlight. Well it's only a hypothesis that these new Titans use that small amount of sun as energy to move… It looks like it was right to wait for a new moon. He could be one of those moonlight titans too." Hange said as she got one last glance at the titan.

The path in the forest eventually got wide enough where Levi and Lilly could walk beside each other. The groups of soldiers talked quietly amongst themselves, if at all.

"Seth... I was thinking sometimes he looks like you." Levi said suddenly in a low voice as he walked beside her.

She glanced up at him.

"Really? He's a spitting image of you. Everyone thinks so." Lilly said in a hushed tone.

"Yes. For the most part. But sometimes he makes these faces and it freaks me out how much he looks like you." He said as he continued to look ahead.

"What faces?" She asked.

"When he pouts or gets frustrated. But especially you smile and laugh." Levi said quietly.

Lilly smiled softly to herself as she looked down at her boots as she walked.

"I can't wait to see him again... I miss him so much already..." She said as she stepped over a fallen branch.

"I do too." He frowned .

A moment of silence passed between them as they continued on.

"I do think he looks like _you_ most when he smiles." Lilly spoke, breaking the silence.

"You think that?" He asked as his eyes met hers.

"Mhm. You're serious most of the time, but when you smile, your whole face softens. Your eyes too. His eyes look like yours, and even more so then." She answered.

"He sleeps like you." Levi replied with a slight smirk.

"How?" She asked.

"You start off on your side of the mattress, but then end up sleeping diagonally across the bed, usually with your legs over mine. He also sleeps diagonally in his bed, with his legs over his bear." Levi answered in a low voice.

Lilly smiled as her boots continued to carry her through the dark. Her legs ached. After another hour, the sun had just started to peak over the horizon.

"We've spotted the foot of the mountain! I can see the old trail!" A voice called out.

The soldiers looked up, visible relief washing over their expressions. After following the old trail, they finally approached the old busted gates of Shiganshina.

This is where it all started. Only six years ago now. And this is where it'd end once the sealed off the breaches with Eren's hardening abilities.

_They were going to take back Wall Maria._

"Quick, the sun is rising! Keep an eye out on any hiding titans!" Erwin shouted.

Lilly and the rest of the soldiers swung themselves onto their horses and rode through the old gate, entering the ghost district. The buildings were mostly destroyed, a lot of them had greenery growing up them. Seeing devastation left a feeling of loss that chilled her bones, but once again lit her fire as she remembered why she joined this cause in the first place.

To end humanity's pain, so that everyone would have a chance at a happy life.

_To end this nightmare, once and for all._

"All troops, switch to vertical maneuvering!" Erwin called out.

Levi glanced at Lilly.

They nodded at each other, a silent I love you.

Lilly watched as Levi then got up and stood on the back of his horse, balancing as it ran forward. He withdrew his blades and then launched off towards the wall. She followed suit, with the squad following behind her.

Behind them were April, Ben, Eloise, and the rest of the hundreds of lives whirring through the air, ready to do whatever it took.

Whatever it took to ensure the success of the operation.

_Even if it meant laying down their own lives._

 


	68. Cage Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is that the destroyer or the creator?  
> With the blaze of hatred we wield the swords.  
> Is that our fate or our will?  
> We will fight until this hot wind takes our wings.

*LILLY POV*

~The inner gate~

Lilly stood on top of the wall beside Erwin and Levi as the rest of the soldiers whirred up around them. A few squads were checking the area, making sure that there wasn't anyone watching them from a distance.

_Anyone such as Reiner or Bertolt._

Chances were that they were still after Eren. But with all of the scouts' faces hidden under the darkness of their cloaks, they wouldn't be able to make out which one was Eren.

And by the time they did, the walls would be sealed.

Lilly and Levi waited for Eren, as they'd both be escorting him to the outer gate, the site of the first attack. From there, she would supervise the area with Levi as Eren used his hardening abilities to seal the breach. When Eren finally appeared behind them, he stopped to stare out into his home district, a mix of pain and shock evident in his eyes.

"Don't stop. Get to the outer gate!" Levi barked as he began to lead them forward.

"Yes Sir!" Eren answered as he ran.

Lilly continued to run behind Levi, preserving as much fuel as they could in their tanks. The district was completely silent save for the sound of footsteps running over the wall, and the whirring of the squad's scouting the surrounding area.

They then heard Armin's voice from behind. He stood before a black ashy smudge on the top of the wall. What appeared to be the fresh remains of a fire set up.

_A small camp._

"Commander!" Armin called.

Lilly couldn't hear the rest of what Armin was saying to the Commander. She continued to run forward with her team, but she only assumed Erwin would be bouncing ideas off or Armin as they headed to the outer gate.

She'd keep herself prepared, in case they were not alone.

She remained close behind Levi until they finally stood above the breach in the wall. It was a long run, and her lungs felt like they were going to burst. Levi was silent beside her, a serious look in his grey eyes. Hange appeared beside them both with a puzzled expression as she glanced around.

"How? There isn't a single titan in the area." She said.

"That's not even half of it. We haven't even seen one yet." Levi said as he stood closer to Lilly with his hands gripping his blades readily.

"It doesn't feel right. It feels off..." Lilly said as she looked around cautiously, her heart picking up pace in her chest.

Seeing the remains of the camp, and seeing there were no titans gave it an eerie feeling, as if they were being watched.

It felt like her whole body was screaming in reaction to this gut feeling. And she knew Levi felt it too.

Mikasa just then landed behind Eren and looked down at their old home district with a solemn expression. The corners of her mouth pulled into a slight frown, her eyes looked dark.

"We have fallen right into the enemy's hands. But… We have to press on. The operation will continue as planned." Levi said as his eyes flickered under furrowed brows.

Just then Hange nodded at Eren.

They were going to start.

_This was it._

He then leaped up into the air and bit down on his hand, causing a giant beam of light to shine in all directions, followed by a loud thundering boom. Eren's titan landed on the ground, just before the breach.

Lilly didn't have much time to see the process of Eren's hardening abilities as her eyes were busy scouting out the area for Reiner or Bertolt. If they were going to attack, they were going to do it soon while their attention was drawn to repairing the walls.

Eren appeared back up on the wall where they all stood. Steam rose off him, and his cloak was gone.

"It worked! The wall is sealed tight!" Armin exclaimed.

"We did it." Hange smiled as she spied the sweat off her forehead.

Lilly smiled at Eren and nodded as Mikasa draped her cloak over him to continue to protect his identity.

"Are you okay?" Hange asked Eren.

"I'm fine. We can keep going as we practiced." He answered with a determined expression.

Hange nodded.

"Then we are heading to the inner gate! Keep your faces hidden so you're not attacked as you move!" Hange called out.

Lilly continued to run beside Levi with Eren and Mikasa behind them.

"Did I really close the hole?" Eren asked.

"You did." Mikasa answered.

"That easily?" He asked.

"You can trust yourself." She said as they ran.

"Not yet." Levi said from beside Lilly. "As long as they are still alive, they'll keep breaking through that wall. Understand that?" Levi asked as he kept his eyes forward.

Lilly glanced at him silently as they continued to run to the other side of the district.

"Until we kill all of our enemies, including Reiner and Bertolt, the plan to retake Maria isn't over." Levi said in a low and stern tone.

"Of course. I know that." Eren replied from behind them.

When they finally neared the outer gate, an acoustic round went off.

"What was that for?" Lilly asked Levi as the continued to run forward.

"I'm not sure..."

"Order from Artlert. Check the walls!" They overheard a soldier say as he began to scale the walls, checking for hollow spots with his blades.

Soon, dozens of soldiers were doing the same, scaling up and down the walls. She watched as they tapped their blades against the walls, listening for hollow spots.

"Do they think they're hiding in the walls and watching us?" Lilly asked.

"It's possible now that we know that there's titans in the walls. If they don't know that we know, then it would be the perfect spot for them to watch our every move. And a place for perfect visibility would be.." Levi's eyes widened and he dashed off without finishing.

"Levi!" Lilly ran after him.

"Here! There's a hollow spot here!" A soldier called out as he tapped the cracked wall.

This only caused Levi to run faster, shoving past soldiers as he neared the detected spot in the wall.

Just then, Lilly watched as the soldier moved the piece of wall. She heard him start to shout when she saw a blade come out from the wall and impale him. Her eyes narrowed as she watched the man's body plummet to the earth with a thud.

Reiner began to emerge from the hole.

Her heart began to race as she made eye contact with him.

_It was him._

Her mouth opened in shock and before another breath could leave her lips, Levi leapt over the side of the wall and propelled himself at great speed towards Reiner, successfully slicing into the back of his neck. Levi cut deeper as they fell, but his blade appeared to get stuck in Reiner's flesh, so he thrusted his other blade into Reiner's chest to try and pull it out, but that one got stuck too.

"Levi!" Lilly screamed as she watched him plummet towards the ground.

She leapt off the side and whirred down towards Levi as he tried to free his blades. She was fully prepared to grab onto him before he could hit the ground. Just then he released his blades and shot back up, to anchor himself on the side of the wall. She quickly anchored herself just a few feet above him.

"Dammit!" He shouted. "I was so close!"

"Captain?!" Armin said down beside them.

Lilly's heart was hammering inside her chest as she saw Reiner's eyes glow. A giant thunderbolt crashed down into his body, the booming echoing in their ears as he began his transformation into the armored titan.

"Check all around us! Capture any remaining enemies and-"

Erwin was then cut short by a large series of similar booms behind the wall. Lilly looked up and saw steam was rising, the tell tail sign of more titans. She quickly shot back up onto the wall with Levi landing practically on her heels.

Their eyes widened in horror.

For the first time, she saw the beast titan out in the distance, staring at them. He was surrounded my many smaller titans, and they were headed straight towards the inner gate, which had yet to be sealed.

Lilly's hands began to tremble as she watched the beast titan pick up a large boulder and whip it towards them.

"Incoming! Take cover!" The Commander screamed.

The soldiers on top of the wall all began to whir. Lilly began to run and then she felt Levi's body tackle her and send them about 10 yards to the left with the boost of his fuel. They landed with a grunt as they rolled another couple a feet. The wall shook and dust rose off the ground. Lilly sat up quickly and looked down over the edge of the wall.

"A miss?!" Jean shouted.

"No, he has good aim! He blocked our entrance. Now our horses can't pass through." The Commander answered.

Levi stood and helped Lilly up. He looked her dead in the eyes, silently letting her know this just got a hell of a lot worse.

"Take our horses away. Then surround us. They're planning to wipe us out here by cutting off our escape route." Levi muttered.

"How are we..." Lilly couldn't finish as her mind frantically sought for solutions. Any solution that would potentially end in her returning hope to her baby's sweet face.

"We're both getting the battle we've been hoping for. Let's put an end to it here. Humanity or those damned titans. One of us will survive...and the other will die." The Commander said.

Just then Lilly heard the armored titan moving down below on the inside of the wall. Levi's eyes followed and he glanced back up at the Commander.

"Erwin. He's going to come up here." Levi said.

Just then the wall cracked and shook as the armored titan dug his fists and feet into the side of the wall. Rubble could be heard falling to the earth below as he drew higher.

"Troops avoid engaging the armored titan! Don't get near that thing!" The Commander ordered.

"Yes Sir!"

"Are we still waiting on attack orders?" Eren asked.

"Observing the enemy's movements. Reiner and Bertolt probably have an elaborate welcome waiting for us here." Hange answered.

Lilly looked out in the distance when the steam cleared and saw a titan on all fours, carrying cargo with a saddle. It stood close by the beast titan, watching them from afar.

"That quadrupedal titan is intelligent too... there must be even more of them out there." The Commander said.

Just then the beast titan slammed its giant fist into the ground, signaling for all the two and three meter titans under him to move forward. They were heading to the small village just outside the inner gates where they had tied up their horses.

"They're going straight for the horses... We can't let them or we are screwed." Lilly said.

"Multiple two and three meter class titans approaching!" A soldier yelled out into the air.

Their primary goal was to capture Eren, but to do that, they were removing their escape options. There was no way for them to return home in titan territory without any horses.

If she couldn't return home, she'd never see Seth again.

It would only take about a week, a month at most before they all died of starvation and thirst. They would be able to take Eren without a fight then.

Lilly looked up and saw the larger titans stayed behind with the beast titan, caging them in.

"Commander, the armored titan is getting extremely close, plus we still don't know where Bertolt is!" Armin called from behind them.

"Yes, I know." He answered.

"So you finally ready to talk? Or should I go get breakfast after all?" Levi asked in a dark tone as he glanced at Erwin.

"SQUAD DIRK AND SQUAD MARLENE! GO JOIN SQUAD KLAUS AT THE INNER GATE! GAURD OUR HORSES WITH YOUR LIVES! SQUAD LEVI AND SQUAD HANGE! TAKE DOWN THE ARMORED TITAN! AT YOUR LEADER'S DISCRETION, USE THE THUNDER SPEARS! CARRY OUT YOUR OBJECTION BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY!" The Commander screamed out.

Lilly looked beside her as Eren, Mikasa, Jean, Sasha, Conny and Armin appeared beside her.

"This moment! This battle! Humanity's continued survival depends on it! SO FOR ONCE MORE, FOR HUMANITY'S SAKE, DEDICATE YOUR HEARTS!"

"Sir!" They all saluted.

Lilly started to run behind her squad to take their places. Her heart continued to pound in her chest, adrenaline coursing through her veins. The armored titan was without a doubt going to be extremely difficult to conquer. But if the thunder spears ended up working out, it could give them a chance to get to Reiner and end him once and for all.

"Levi! Armin! Wait!" Lilly heard the Commander call.

Levi paused beside her and turned to face Erwin.

"I gave the orders to your squad... but you're staying here, Levi." Erwin said.

Lilly's heart dropped.

"You want me to protect the horses, not Eren?" Levi asked.

"That's right, and wait for an opening to kill that thing. You're the only one I can trust to destroy the beast titan" The Commander added.

Levi's eyes narrowed.

"Understood. I'll make up for failing to kill that one armored brat earlier by taking that beast's head right off it's body." Levi said in a low tone as he glanced at Lilly.

She swallowed as she watched him take two quick strides towards her and snaked his rough hands into her hair, pulling her forehead to meet his, their noses touching. She reached up and draped her hands behind his neck, her wrists savoring the short stubble of his undercut.

"Don't do anything fucking stupid, you hear me." He said sternly, his fingers trembling against her scalp.

She nodded her head in response, overwhelmed with angst and emotion.

"You will come back to me. You will live." He said as he continued to press his forehead against hers, his hair tickling her face.

Her eyes stung with tears and she swallowed in response.

"My eyes won't be on you as I promised..." She whispered.

"It's okay...it will be okay... now go." He whispered. "I love you." He kissed her lips before pushing off on his heel and leaping over the other side of the wall.

She stood there with her hood up for a moment. She made brief eye contact with Erwin before running after her squad to prepare herself.

...

About twenty minutes after taking her position in a rooftop, hidden from sight, Lilly glanced up at the wall to see Reiner crouched on top, not far from the Commander.

On cue, Eren transformed into his titan.

They were hoping that Reiner would turn his attention away from the horses on the other side of the wall, and go after Eren. And as predicted, Reiner slid back down the wall with a loud thud.

She sighed in relief. She hoped April and Ben were doing okay protecting the horses on the other side. Had Reiner chosen the horses over Eren, it would have been hopeless for them.

It felt like every decision they were making was a gamble.

Each one more dangerous and risky than the last.

She lifted her head when she heard the ground rumbling as Reiner approached Eren in the center of the district by a water fountain. Eren took his fighting stance and the two titans just glared at each other.

Just then, Reiner's titan began to charge towards Eren, and Eren successfully dodged it. Reiner threw a punch, and Eren dodged it as well. She watched as they continued to spar, destroying the buildings around them. She got to her feet, just in case she'd have to launch away last second.

A loud crack sounded as Eren's fist collided with the armored Titan's face, chipping away at some of his facial armor. Eren was utilizing his hardening abilities well.

She turned her head when she heard a series of foot steps running across the rooftops. Her squad was getting in position to attempt to take Reiner out. Hopefully the the thunder spears that all had equipped would break through his Titan's armor.

It had to work... because if it didn't...

_They were as good as dead._

_*LEVI POV*_

He flew over the rooftops overlooking the scrambling soldiers below that were trying to get the horses to safety. Below he saw Ben and April leading the horses away from the incoming titans.

He recalled how just the other night they had come over for dinner with their daughter. Emelia has played on the floor with Seth while they had tea and some dessert that he had failed at helping Lilly bake.

And now they were out here in titan territory fighting alongside him.

_There lives had gone from one extreme to another._

"Recruits! Take the remaining horses to the west side! Protect the recruits in Squad Dirk!" Levi shouted as he whirred overhead.

He watched as the recruits ran through the small village in separate directions with the horses. It was more wise if they separated them instead of bringing them to all one place. It also gave them more time to take down the attacking titans that were starting to swarm in.

He wasted no time in traveling across several rooftops to approach two incoming titans that were entering the village. He saw as the new recruits became frozen in fear at their first sight of the titans. He tightened his grip and spun through the air, building momentum as he bent his leg outwards and swung his blades into the first Titan's nape, and swiftly into the next. Hot crimson blood steamed on his face, as his boots landed on top of an arched roof.

"Captain Levi! Now's our chance! Hurry!" Marlowe led April and Ben away through the cleared street with their horses.

He glanced over at a nearby soldier on another rooftop.

"Mop up those runts now!" He pointed his blade towards the remaining titans. "Before the beast titan makes its move! No casualties here! I forbid any of you to die!" He barked.

"Sir!" The soldier flew off.

Levi stood panting as he continued to oversee the situation. He glanced down at Eloise as she led a horse away down the street, followed by three other men and their horses.

The sound of lines whirring, buildings crashing, soldiers shouting, and footsteps echoing rang in his ears as the sun started to peak in the sky behind grey clouds. He stood frozen when he heard a series of small explosions going off on the other side of the wall. In Shiganshina.

They had started using the thunder spears against Reiner.

But did it work?

_God Lilly, you better be fight with all you have to stay alive._

_I need you._

...…

*LILLY POV*

Eren and Reiner has been going at it for awhile, landing critical blows on each other while she and the rest of the squad continued to get into the perfect position to land some blows of their own.

Back in training, when they were first learning how to use the things, Hange had blown apart a tree with one, like a bolt of lightning.

_Hence the name thunder spear._

When the opportunity opened, they all at once launched themselves towards the armored titan. They had been heavily trained in the type of situation in which these spears could be used. This is what they've been training for separately from the rest of the troops for the past month.

Lilly flew alongside Mikasa and aimed her thunder spear at his left eye while Mikasa aimed for his right. She extended her arm and squeezed the trigger at the same time as Mikasa, launching the spear into his eyes and escaping before they exploded on impact.

_It had worked..._

Lilly looked back and saw as the rest of the squad made their moves, taking full advantage of his blindness. _This was great._ As long as they kept their distance and aimed correctly, these thunder spears would work just as intended. It would take precision as these could not be used the same way they would their typical blades. Because of the power and the explosion that comes with them, it puts even the wielder at risk.

Just then, the rest of the squad lodged their spears into the crevices of Reiner's nape armor. They successfully backed off before the armor could explode, echoing the District with a loud crack.

"We did it! It worked!" Jean shouted.

The thunder spears worked!" Sasha exclaimed.

Lilly felt herself relax ever so slightly knowing they now had an advantage, and they were one step closer to ending this and retaking their wall.

"One more time! Fire the thunder spears and finish him off!" Hange shouted.

She glanced at Jean who stood beside her as they gazed down at the Armored titan. He tightened his fist and scowled.

"Reiner! You were prepared for this moment to come, right?!" Jean called.

Lilly leapt alongside him and Sasha. They aimed their spears steadily and then released as they flew through the air. They quickly changed the direction of their maneuvering and escaped as the remains of Reiner's spine burst loudly. Hot steam filled the air as they landed on their feet.

Lilly narrowed her eyes as the steam began to clear.

There he was, protruding from the neck of his titan. The top part of his skull has been blown clean off.

"We did it! We sent his head flying!" Sasha exclaimed.

Lilly smiled softly and Jean lifted her in the air to hug her.

"We took down the armored titan!" Jean's eyes were bright with relief.

Lilly chuckled as he set her down on her feet. They all became quiet as they gazed down at the steaming body.

"You were a real pain to deal with... but look at you now you evil bastard." Jean's eyes watered.

Lilly glanced down at Conny and Sasha who were tearing up themselves.

But for Lilly, she couldn't cry.

_She couldn't feel remorse or sadness._

Even if she had trained alongside Reiner for years. Even if he had been a friend and fellow soldier.

_She had a choice to make._

This was the choice that would bring humanity it's victory. This was the choice that would bring her back home to her son. To her small home and her garden. To the life she had begun to build alongside Levi.

_None of it was worth losing._

So shedding a tear over someone who would have stolen that from her without a second thought...

_That was useless._

...

"We're not done yet! Prepare your equipment for the next one!" Hange shouted.

Lilly looked up at Reiner's steaming remains just as she went to go reload her spears. But a movement caught her eye.

_Movement from the Armored Titan's body._

"Hey... it just moved..." Mikasa said to Armin.

Her heart practically stopped when the Armored titan reared it's head up and let out a deafening roar. Her eyes widened in confusion.

_Was this another titan power?_

She thought back to when Levi had almost completely sliced through his neck, severing his spinal cord, but Reiner still survived.

_How was it possible?_

"Hey! Did we not hit it with enough thunder spears?!" Someone shouted.

Lilly took a step back and blocked her ears as Reiner's roar tore through the air like hot steel.

….

*LEVI POV*

A booming roar echoed inside of Shiganshina district, causing Levi and the soldiers around him to stop in their tracks. His hair lifted out of his eyes in the breeze, his mouth falling slightly open. He could not take his steel orbs off the wall before him, his mind running wild with worries for his squad and for his wife within.

"Is... that the armored titan roaring?" He spoke out loud, though no one was immediately around to answer.

Just then, he caught sight of sudden movement from the beast titan out of his peripheral vision. He turned his uneasy expression to catch full view of the large and hairy beast picking up a barrel and throwing it into the air. His eyes watched the barrel soared through the sky and over the wall behind him, his head tilting as he watched it disappear into the district.

His eyes widened in horror when he realized there were coin-sized holes in that barrel.

That the Armored Titan's roar was a signal.

That hidden inside the barrel was Bertolt.

That the district was going to blow the second that Bertolt assumed his Colossal Titan form, and they'd never get away in time.

_His squad._

_Hange._

His fists tightened. His breath was caught in his throat.

_...Lilly._


	69. Uphill Battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was nothing left inside, the memories left abandoned.  
> There was nowhere to hide, the ashes fell like snow.  
> And the ground cave in between where we were standing.  
> And your voice was all I heard, that get what I deserve.

"Damn it! Everyone get away from the Armored Titan!" Hange yelled as she ran across the rooftop. "The Colossus Titan is about to fall right on top of us!"

Lilly ran and skid over the rooftops as fast as she could, eyes frantically searching for a safe place to take cover. Adrenaline filled her veins as she ran, the footsteps and heavy breathing of her comrades echoing in her ears.

_This was really bad._

_There's no way they'd get out of there in time._

Quickly, she launched herself off the roof, following behind Eren's Titan as he ran through the streets. Her comrades followed suit behind her, the whirring of their ODM lines filling the air. Just as she glanced behind her, she caught sight of the barrel that contained Bertolt.

_He was climbing out in midair._

"Reiner!" He shouted.

He must must have seen Reiner and decided against assuming his Colossus form to save Reiner from perishing in the explosion.

_They had time..._

She caught her breath and let out a shuddering sigh.

_When had life become like this?_

It had gone from living a completely carefree life to being grateful for every moment that she got to take another breath.

She watched as Hange landed on a rooftop ahead of her. They all did the same, Eren towering beside them as the looked back at Reiner and Bertolt. Hange took a few steps across the roof and adjusted her glasses, a grim expression on her face as the wind blew through her ponytail.

"We're safe for now... Bertolt aborted his attack once he saw the state that Reiner was in. Phew..." Hange wiped the sweat off her forehead before turning to look at them all. "In any case, our mission target has flown right into our sights. We might even call this _lucky._ "

Lilly listened quietly as she inspected her gear and checked her fuel tanks. She'd need to make sure everything was in good shape before taking these traitors down. It would be no easy task, but she was determined to fight with everything she had within her.

She had more to fight for than she ever did before.

But anger and the dark feeling of betrayal set fire under her. She failed to understand how Reiner and Bertolt could sleep at night. How the feeling of being alive in their own snake-like skin didn't smother them. How the weight of their sins against their friends and humanity didn't suffocate them.

_But here they were._

Standing across from them, in the town where it all started.

_Acting like they had a reason to kill them all._

Her grip on her blades tightened, and her brows furrowed.

_It would end here._

_Now._

_Even if she had to be the one to smother and suffocate them herself._

"Target approaching from the front! It's Bertolt!" A scout called out.

"Continue as planned! Squad Levi, follow Armin's Command! Protect Eren! Everyone else, work together to eliminate our two targets! Finish off the armored titan! As for the Colossus Titan, continue as planned! Wear it down by forcing it to use its strength!" Hange shouted across the rooftop.

Just as Lilly was about to move, she caught a glimpse of Armin pushing by them in a rush.

"Please wait!" Armin shouted.

"What is it?" Hange questioned.

"This is our last chance to negotiate!" Armin glanced back as he leaped off the roof and flew towards Bertolt. "Bertolt! Stop where you are!" Armin said as he landed on a roof across from the brunette.

She watched as they stared at each other silently for a moment, their expressions both unsure.

"Bertolt, let's talk!" Armin said loudly.

"If we talk, will you all agree to die?! We only have two demands! We want you to give us Eren! And we want all of humanity inside the walls to be wiped out! That's just how reality is, Armin! Everything has already been decided!" Bertolt yelled across the roof.

"B-by who?! Who decided that?!" Armin asked, his blonde hair hanging in his confused expression.

"I did." Bertolt said in a dark tone.

"What did you say?!" Armin asked.

"I decided it! Your lives are coming to an end, right here!" Bertolt announced loudly.

"My ass they are." Lilly growled as she stepped forward, but Hange grabbed her shoulder.

"Wait." Hange said quietly. "Don't move."

"Oh, that's too bad! I was hoping that I wouldn't have to hear Annie's shrieks any longer! You know you're the only one left who can free Annie from the cruel monsters in the Military Police Brigade, right?! At this rate, Annie will end up as feed for our livestock!" Armin shouted.

Bertolt scoffed as he ran across the rooftop.

"Then let her!" He yelled. "Let them feed her to their pigs! That is, if you've actually captured her, of course!"

Armin stepped back as Bertolt gained ground.

"Armin! Move!" Lilly shouted.

Bertolt looked back at her and smirked confidently before returning his attention to Armin.

She'd never seen Bertolt act in such a way. It was almost like he wasn't even the same person...

"Where are you going, Armin? Aren't we going to talk?" Bertolt asked as he stepped lightly. "Did you think you could upset me by bringing up Annie again? Did you think you'd be able to talk meek, obedient Bertolt into letting his guard down?"

Eren started to step forward but Jean launched up onto his shoulder.

"Get back, Eren. You realize you're at a disadvantage against him, right?" Jean asked in a low tone. "This isn't your time to take stage."

Lilly looked back at Mikasa and leapt off the roof. Lilly hid under the shadows in the streets as she crept near the the roof that Bertolt was standing on, Mikasa creeping around the other side.

"But really, you're not doing this for either reason." Bertolt said as Lilly climbed up onto a balcony, her back pressed back against the wall of the vacant building. "You're just buying time. So you can surround me with soldiers while the others go and kill Reiner." He continued as Lilly looked into her reflection on her blade. "It's all meaningless." He said in a low tone. "So as long as you're standing there shaking, you can't do a damned thing."

"If you've figured that much out, then why'd you agree to talk?" Armin asked.

"I wanted to make sure... I thought that when I showed up that you might start whining and begging for mercy again... it looks like you're fine now. Yeah. You're all cherished friends, and you're really trying to kill us." Bertolt answered.

"Is that because 'we're descendants of devils?'" Armin asked.

"Oh, no. None of you have done anything wrong. And you're not devils. It's just that you all have to die. There's nothing you can do now." Bertolt said just as Lilly swung herself up onto the roof and knocked his feet out from under him, his body hitting the roof with a thud.

Lilly swung her blade, but he quickly rolled onto his back and dodged her attack, her blade meeting the shingles with a loud clang. Mikasa leapt over the other side and sent her blade crashing down towards him, but he responded in a timely manner and blocked her attack with his blade.

"Armin, move!" Lilly snapped as she blocked a swing from Bertolt.

Just then Mikasa swung her blade, slicing off his ear. Lilly elbowed him in the face before he grabbed her by the collar and swung her back. She quickly caught her balance before she could fall over the edge, and saw as Bertolt kicked Mikasa off the roof before fleeing. Armin grabbed Mikasa's hand before she could fall and helped her up. Lilly went to go chase Bertolt but Mikasa grabbed her arm.

"Don't chase him. He's going to rescue the Armored Titan. We don't know when he's going to transform. If we don't get away from him, we'll be caught in that blast again." Mikasa said.

"I don't think he's going to cause a blast right now. Not with Reiner hanging out of the nape of the Armored Titan's neck like that. He's on the verge of death and a blast like that would finish him off." Lilly said as she pulled her arm out of Mikasa's grasp. "Our Mission is to take him out."

"I say we stay back." Mikasa says.

"I say if I kill him now, we don't worry about him transforming, and then we finish Reiner off." Lilly says in a more assertive tone.

"Guys..." Armin looked upwards.

Lilly and Mikasa both looked up to see Bertolt was ascending. Lilly's eyes widened in horror and she instantly leapt back.

"Fall back! He's going to transform now!" She barked, angry she didn't follow him and take him down sooner.

She, Armin and Mikasa hurried away as quickly as possible, trying to put as much distance between them and Bertolt as possible. Lilly clenched her teeth and swallowed, concentrating on moving as fast as she could.

_This was life or death._

Just then a light flashed and a large sharp crack echoed within the walls. She thought of Seth and Levi as she braced herself, continuing to travel through the air.

Then the impact from the explosion reached her.

It sent her tumbling through the air and through a glass window. She rolled across the floor and landed on her back, her head spinning as she lay with glass shards around her. Blood dripped from her forehead and into her eyes. After a minute, she began to sit up. She checked herself and her equipment over before standing. She was sore, but nothing was broken. She touched her forehead and winced. She must have smacked it on the window frame on her way in.

She dusted the glass off herself and made her way across the creaking wooden floorboards. The house was dark and covered in dust. It must have belonged to a small family, as there were old toys scattered across the floor.

She stood in front of the window she had broken through and looked out into the distance.

There stood the Colossus Titan, steam rising off him in the midst of the destruction he had caused. Had she not moved as fast as she did, she would have been blasted away along with the hundreds of buildings in the radius.

She narrowed her eyes, searching for any sign of life. She saw nothing. No movement anywhere.

_Where was Mikasa and Armin?_

_They hadn't been far behind her._

Carefully, she crawled back out the window and up onto the rooftop. She sat against a chimney and reached for her water canteen, but saw a piece of shrapnel had pierced it. Her fuel tanks were getting lower than she'd liked if she were to calculate how much she'd actually need them to complete the mission, so she'd need to try to travel on foot as much as possible in order to find the rest of her group.

Just as she peeked out from behind the chimney, she caught glimpse of the Colossal Titan picking up flaming houses and throwing them across the district, scattering the fiery wreckage everywhere. This meant they really were going to have to defeat that titan here and now, because if Shiganshina was leveled down to a sea of flames, then that would force them back to the inner wall. Not to mention, from there the Colossus could easily begin to throw the flaming wreckage over the other side of the wall where Levi and other other squads where taking cover to protect the horses.

Lilly hurriedly climbed down the side of the building and began her search for the rest of her squad or Eren, whomever she could find first. She moved quickly and discreetly, being careful not to be seen from across the district. She pressed her back to an old shop and then turned her head to see the river. Her best bet would be to head in that direction, all while praying a flaming house wouldn't land on her in the process, ending her life then and there.

*LEVI POV*

_Fuck._

_Fuck._

_Fuck._

_Fuck._

_Fuck!_

Levi stood on a rooftop scouting out the small village for any remaining or approaching titans. This was the first time he was able to stop and rest at all since he was sent down here.

To make matters worse, just minutes ago, an enormous and deadly explosion had gone off within Shiganshina behind him. He could hear the rumbling and crashing of buildings being destroyed, and thick smoke clouds billowed into the blue sky.

_God Lilly. Be smart._

_Be alive._

Constantly, he was shaking himself from worrying about her so he could focus on the chaotic task at hand.

_This was hell._

Sure, he hadn't expected this to be a fucking cake walk. He always prepared himself for things to go wrong. He was this way his entire life.

_Because things always did go wrong._

But he had not expected to be trapped and cornered so badly, with lives being taken all around him. Frustration grew inside him as he silently boiled on the rooftop, his chest rising quickly as he white-knuckled his blades.

"Captain! This side is all mopped! There's just the small ones left." April landed beside him. "But how are we supposed to take care of the Beast Titan? He's just sitting there, not moving."

Levi glared up at the Beast Titan across the field from under sweat drenched brows.

"Yeah. Seems like we have a coward here. Guess that thing never had any balls to begin with." Levi muttered.

"You stay here and rest. We will take care of the small ones for now." April said before turning away. "And Captain..."

He glanced over to her, silently waiting for her to speak.

"I know she is okay on the other side of that wall." April said before launching off.

His eyes were glued to her back as he watched her start her work on the remaining smaller class titans. More rumbling and booming came from within the wall.

_In any case, he'd need to get over there soon._

He silently thought of Hange and the others, hoping for safety for all of them as their faces flashed through his mind. Just then, dozens of large boulders were thrown at him, just missing him. He glanced up at the Beast Titan and clenched his teeth.

_Oh, he was so fucking going to gut him like a pig._

He watched as the giant ape threw another round of large rocks, wiping out dozens of soldiers. His breath caught in his throat as he watched dismembered body parts fly through the air, crimson blood spraying behind them. Arms, legs, torsos.

_Heads._

His stomach turned and anger burned into his expression as he stepped forward.

"Get out of the way! Move! Take cover, now!" Levi screamed frantically.

"Frontal bombardment! Troops, take cover!" Erwin shouted from the top of the wall.

Levi growled as he watched the Beast Titan wind up, and then whip another handful of rocks at them from across the field. Levi quickly flipped over the back of the building as the rocks violently tore through the buildings around him. Screams rang in his ears, soldiers crying out in agony. He ran through the village, picking up soldiers frozen in shock, running past dead familiar faces that he had sat and had dinner with just hours earlier.

Blood stained the roads. Broken pieces of wood and rubble lay everywhere. More rocks flew overhead, followed by more screams. He ran up to Marlowe and Eloise who were ducking behind an old well. A few more soldiers were not far to the right, hiding behind an old stable, including Ben and April.

"All of you, take the horse and retreat toward the wall!" He barked.

"Yes Sir!"

"Hurry! Get to cover!" He shouted at a few more soldiers as he made his way to the wall.

He skidded to a stop when he saw a young man kneeling on the ground, frozen in fear with his hands over his ears. Levi yanked him off the ground quickly.

"Hey! Stand up! You want to die here?!" He barked as he pushed him towards the wall.

Just then, Erwin whirred down behind him.

"Commander!" Marlow exclaimed.

Levi turned to him and inhaled.

"What's the situation look like from up there?" He asked Erwin.

"Could be worse. Most of the houses ahead of us have been blown to bits by those stones. If he keeps this up, this place will be leveled in no time. We won't have anywhere to hide." Erwin said.

"Couldn't we escape to the other side of the wall?" He asked.

"No. The Colossus Titan is closing in on us from there. Setting fire to everything around him too..." Erwin looked him in the eyes. "Even if the soldiers could use the wall to avoid the stones, we'd have to leave the horses behind. If we retreat here, we lose all hope of victory." Erwin said as his cape lifted slightly off his shoulder, revealing his bad arm.

"But.. what happened to Hange's squad? Is Eren alive?...Could you see any movement from up there?" He asked, his hair blowing in front of his eyes.

Erwin frowned and cleared his throat quietly.

"I don't know... But most of them seem to have been hit by that blast...we've taken massive losses." Erwin said in a low tone.

Levi's eyes lowered to the ground, his heart wrenching within his chest.

"The Beast Titan must have been controlling the smaller titans to herd all of our soldiers to one forward location. Because of that, Squads Dirk, Marlene, and Klaus, who were fighting the smaller titans seemed to have been wiped out by the earlier bombardment." Erwin looked up and glanced around at the surrounding soldiers gathering around them. "In other words, we are all that's left."

Levi glanced around at the solemn expressions looking upon him. His eyes met with Ben's who was leaning against April with a busted ankle from the looks of it. Eloise stood in the front of the crowd, a terrified expression on her bloodied face.

Most of these survivors were the last few from the squads that Erwin had named, and the new recruits who'd never faced a titan before. And there weren't many of them left.

More stones tore through the buildings around them, soliciting screams from a few.

"We are done for!" Someone yelled.

Levi looked to Erwin with a tired expression, his eyes feeling as heavy as his chest. The situation was not good, and he was already silently preparing himself for it to get worse.

"It's all over!" A female soldier cried.

"Erwin... do you have... some kind of plan?" Levi asked as he looked into the Commander's eyes.

He watched as Erwin glanced down and to the side.

"What is it?" Levi asked impatiently.

Just then a loud crash sounded above his head at the top of the wall. He narrowed his eyes before they widened in realization.

"Eren... he must have been thrown..." He said as he watched rubble fall from the wall.

...

*LILLY POV*

By the time Lilly had spotted Eren, he was attacking the Colossal titan head on. She picked up the pace as her feet carried her closer, eventually meeting up with the others. But Hange and the rest of her squad was missing. It was only the remainder of Levi's squad that she could see.

_She hoped Hange was okay. She had to of been hiding somewhere or separated like she had been herself...yeah... that's what she'd tell herself for now..._

"Lilly, get your ass over here! What were you doing, taking a nap?" Jean barked at her as he approached them.

"I was blasted through a window and I've been looking for you, asshole." She muttered as she pointed to the cut in her forehead.

Just then they all froze as they watched the Colossal Titan lift back his leg that Eren was clinging onto, and then sent him flying forward through the air, crashing into the very top of the wall with a large bang.

"Eren's not moving!" Mikasa exclaimed with immense worry.

Lilly glanced up at where Eren was laying over the wall.

"But he's not dead. Focus on that monster in front of us!" Lilly barked. "Charging into him like that was reckless." Lilly said curtly as she looked to Mikasa who returned her words with a glare.

"She's right. He went straight for him without a plan. Of course Eren's going to end up like that." Jean said as he looked between them.

"Unless we can figure out a way to turn the tables, this mission, our lives, and humanity's future is all going to come to an end!" Lilly said loudly as she looked into each of their expressions.

Seth's smiling face flashed through her mind and she narrowed her eyes.

"I will not sit here and wait to be slaughtered." She said in a low tone as she looked down at her wedding band.

"Me neither." Conny stepped forward.

"Or I." Sasha hopped down from the crate she was standing on.

Armin stepped forward and then Jean nodded at her. Mikasa inhaled and then stepped forward.

"We've been through too much for it to end here. Let's get this thing." Jean said in a low tone.

"Let's go." Lilly said as she began to turn.

"Wait Lilly. He doesn't know about the thunder spears yet." Jean said from behind her. "Conny, Sasha and I will distract him. Mikasa and Lilly. You two are the most skilled here. Use the opportunity to use the thunder spears while he's not paying attention." Jean said.

"Understood!" They said in unison.

Lilly equipped her thunder spear alongside Mikasa. They watched as the rest of the squad ascended into the air towards the Colossal Titan, getting his attention almost immediately.

"Hey ya big idiot!" Jean taunted as he flew in front of its face.

Lilly and Mikasa took this chance to ascend up behind the Colossus, the wind carrying hot steam into Lilly's hair. She readied her aim as she and Mikasa drew closer to the nape.

"Moron!" Conny taunted.

"Ya King-sized pervert!" Sasha called out.

_As if they couldn't make it any more obvious that they were distracting him._

Just then, as Lilly released the spears alongside Mikasa, the Colossal Titan released a cloud of hot steam, causing the spears to go off prematurely. Her eyes widened and her stomach dropped as the explosion sent her and a Mikasa flying back, steaming shrapnel slicing through her arm and thigh. She let out a pained groan as she managed to land on top of a nearby rooftop. She began to cough, the inside of her mouth and throat burned from inhaling the hot steam. Her face hurt to the touch, as if she had a bad sun burn.

_She was a mess now._

She glanced beside her and Mikasa was in no better shape. Even Conny on the roof across from them appeared to be coughing up blood from inhaling the steam.

Lilly shook her head and looked down as she held her thigh which was hurt the most. Crimson blood soaked through her white pants and tricked down her leg.

_God damn it._

"Shrapnel cut through my arm." Mikasa panted.

"Mine too." Lilly breathed through the pain as she held tightly onto her arm.

"Are you guys okay?!" Armin landed beside them, inspecting the two of them. "You're both lucky to be alive." Armin said as he looked them over. "How deep are your wounds?" He asked.

"I'll be okay. I can keep fighting." Lilly breathed as she tore her sleeve to tie over her thigh.

"Armin...do you see anything we can do to fight back?" Mikasa asked.

Armin was silent for a moment, then Lilly realized his eyes were watering.

"Nothing..." He said in a quiet and exhausted voice.

Lilly's expression dropped. Armin always has a plan. There had to be something... anything... she had to get home. She had to get home to her baby. She had to see his one-toothed smile once more. She had to hear him giggle hysterically as his father mercilessly tickled him late at night. She had to fall asleep with him between her and Levi on a lazy day off. She had so many more memories to make with those two, and this couldn't be how she died.

_Not now._

_Not after everything she'd seen._

_After all she had built alongside Levi._

Loud rumbling shook some fallen buildings nearby, causing all of them to turn their heads.

_And as if things could not get any worse..._

The Armored Titan emerged from the rubble, his face completely regenerated.


	70. Fortitude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof sorry guys. Super delayed update due to the fact that I was sick and dying for like two weeks straight. But now I’m somewhat better so, high fives!

"Erwin." Levi began in a low tone. "If you tell me there's no way left for us to fight back, I'll start preparing for defeat. Eren's sprawled up there right? Go wake him up." He says as he points up to the top of the wall. "You and some others get on him and run. That way we will at least have a few survivors."

Erwin continued to look down at him with a blank expression. The face he made whenever he mulled something over in his mind.

"The recruits and survivors from Hange's squad can scatter on horses all at once and try to come home." Levi says as he thinks of Lilly getting an opportunity to return to Seth. "How does that sound?"

"And what are you going to do, Levi?" Erwin asked quietly.

Levi looked down at his feet.

"I'll deal with that beast. I'll lead him away. You all can get out of here." He said.

"No. You can't even get close to him." Erwin replied quickly.

"Probably not. But... if you and Eren make it back alive, there's still hope. Isn't that the kind of situation we're in now? This is a major defeat. Honestly… I'm not expecting anyone to make it home alive at this point." He said as he adjusted his collar that was poking at his neck.

"True... _IF_ we don't have any way of fighting back." Eren said.

Levi looked up at him. He knew that tone in his voice well.

"… Do you have one?" He asked Erwin.

Erwin paused for a moment and gazed over the top of Levi's head.

"… Yes." He responded.

"… Why didn't you tell me earlier?… Why didn't you put that ugly mouth of yours to work sooner and say something?" Levi asked in an irritated tone.

"If this plan goes well… You may be able to defeat that beast. But only if we sacrifice the lives… of all the recruits here as well as mine. You're absolutely right. No matter what we do, most of us will surely die. In fact, it's most likely that we will all be wiped out. So our only choice is to assume we are all expendable and work from there." Erwin spoke.

Levi stared at him quietly. Just then another round of large stones were thrown into the buildings surrounding them, soliciting fearful screams from the soldiers.

"We have to ask these young people to give up their lives. You'd need the skills of a first rate con-man to come up with a reason that convincing. So I doubt any of them would charge forward unless I was leading the way. Which would mean I'd be the very first to die. Without ever learning… what was in that basement." Erwin says in a tone that heavily hinted at his disappointment.

"Huh?" Levi asked abruptly as he watched Erwin take a seat on a crate, sighing and running his fingers through his blonde hair.

" I just… want to go… to that basement… Everything I've ever done, I did thinking that this day would come. That someday I would be able to check my answers. There were so many times that I thought it would be easier to just die. But then… the dream I shared with my father would flash through my head. And now… those answers are close enough to reach out and grab. They are right there." Levi watches as Erwin reaches up towards the wall. Erwin's eyes stared forward after he dropped his hand. "But, Levi. Can you see them? All of our comrades? Our comrades are watching us. They want to know what we will do with the hearts they dedicated to our cause. Because they may be gone, but their fight isn't over. Is it all… nothing more than my own childish delusion?" Erwin said in a low tone, his eyes solemnly dropping to the ground.

Levi crouched down on one knee before Erwin and looked him in the eyes.

"You fought a good fight. We've only come this far thanks to you. Make the choice. Give up on your dreams and die for us. Lead the recruits straight into hell. And I'll take down the Beast Titan" Levi said, his heart sinking with each word despite his determined outward appearance.

Erwin met Levi's gaze with a peaceful smile. It was as if they weren't surrounded by absolute death and chaos. As if they'd been sitting in Erwin's office, shooting the shit as they once had. Levi rose to his feet and turned to face the soldiers taking cover. His eyes met with April and Ben's, and a small frown immediately pulled on his lips as he walked past them.

Those two.

They were close friends of Lilly's.

He'd even grown accustomed of having them over his house and vice versa. Their children had began playing together on a regular basis as well.

_Emelia._

_They had Emelia to go home to._

But now, Erwin was about to lead them into certain death.

So he himself, could take down the Beast Titan, _once and for all_.

…

Levi watched quietly as Erwin gathered the remaining troops and horses around him, using the remaining houses that stood as shelter to hide behind.

He shifted his weight uncomfortably, still listening to the noise and chaos going on the other side of that wall in Shiganshina. He couldn't stop thinking about Lilly and his squad. It was driving him insane, trying to complete his mission while pretending that she was okay. If it weren't for his prior standing mental strength and self discipline, he'd be very much not okay.

But right here and now, he had to think of all of humanity. He had to act on what was best for everyone.

He absolutely needed to tear down this beast. For the people he watched fall. For the people that were about to fall. Including possibly Erwin. For the all innocent lives lost from the second that the wall was ever breached.

That came first.

And if he succeeded and came home to his son in a peaceful world afterwards...

_He'd count himself blessed._

"I will now announce our final operation! Troops to attention!" Erwin called as he stepped forward. "All units present will now perform a mounted charge! Our enemy is the Beast Titan! Obviously, this will make us a perfect target for the enemy! We will wait for the enemy to begin throwing rocks, then I'll fire signal flares at once! Will do everything we can to reduce the accuracy of those rocks to whatever extent possible!" Erwin shouted.

Levi watched the faces of the recruits turn ghost white. Ben held April's hand.

"Well we act as a diversion, Captain Levi will go to kill the Beast Titan! That is all!" Erwin finished.

The crowd was silent and then began mumbling amongst themselves. Levi watched as one woman began to vomit.

"Standing around here simply means waiting for rocks to come raining down on us! Now saddle up, double time!" Erwin barked at the lack of movement from the frightened troops.

The troops remained silent. April quietly wiped her eyes and Ben turned to hold her face against his chest.

"Are we... about to die?" Floch asked quietly, sweat beading on his forehead.

"That's right." Erwin said calmly.

"So you're saying... if we're going to die anyway, we might as well die fighting?" Floch asked, his expression in disbelief.

"That's right." Erwin responded.

"No… If we're going to die anyway… we can die how we want. We could even die while disobeying orders... and it wouldn't matter… Right?" Floch asked as his teary eyes met Erwin's.

"That's absolutely right." Erwin said.

Floch's mouth hung open as tears ran down his face.

"It doesn't make a single difference. No matter what dreams or hopes you may have… no matter what kind of blissful life you've lived until now… what happens to your body when you get crushed by a rock is all the same. Everyone dies sooner or later." Erwin said.

Levi lowered his head, unable to look at April who was now sobbing Emilia's name into Ben's chest.

"Does that mean all life is meaningless? Was the fact that you were ever born meaningless from the start? Would you say the same of your dead comrades? Were those soldiers lives… meaningless?" Erwin asks.

Levi glanced around at the terrified expressions. He made eye contact with Eloise, who was clenching onto her chest.

"No! Our fight gives meaning to those soldiers' lives! Those brave fallen men and women! Those poor fallen men and women! The only ones who can remember them… are us, the living! So we will die here and trust the meaning of our lives to the next generation! That is the sole way we can rebel against this cruel world! My soldiers! Rage! My soldiers! Scream! My soldiers! Fight!" He screams.

…

"Charge!" Erwin screamed as he rode forward towards the Beast Titan, leading the remaining troops on horseback.

The thundering sound of hooves hitting the earth collided with the echoing of flares being shot off filled the air. Levi clenched his teeth as he saw the Beast Titan begin to wind-up to throw more rocks into the approaching troops. Using the smoke from the flares as cover, Levi maneuvered quickly to the first titan that was acting as a wall beside the Beast Titan. He'd move from one to the next, eventually reaching the Beast while his attention was on taking out the troops.

The first couple titans proved to be very simple to take down.

They weren't the problem.

The screams and booming of rocks made it hard for him to focus. He knew they were dying painful deaths, being crushed and torn apart by the massive weight and jagged edges of those stones. He wondered what was going through their minds as they lived their last moments charging forward.

Just to give him his opportunity to end this.

_He couldn't fail!_

Another round of flares went off and more screams rang in his ears as his blades sliced into the next titan.

_Then the next._

_And the next._

Finally Levi reached the Beast Titan as he just finished another throw. His lines whirred, and he ascended.

The faces of his comrades flashed through his mind as he wound up in midair.

Erwin. Lilly. Hange. His squad. Those terrified recruits.

_This was for them._

The Beast made eye contact with him, a surprised expression on his face. Levi glared into his beady black eyes and let out a groan as he spun his body down to build momentum. His blades spun around him as he cut through the Beast's tendons in his right arm. He flew past him and then back as the Beast tried to reach out for him with his other arm.

"No fucking way." Levi snapped as he sliced cleanly through the Beast's arm in five different places.

"Too slow." He said curtly as he sliced through his shoulder and then whirred past his face, quickly and efficiently slicing through the Beast's eyes.

Levi's heart pounded wildly in his chest, adrenaline giving his instincts the extra push as he cut through both the monster's ankles. The Beast crashed to the ground with a loud thud, dust riding up into the air.

"You looked like you were really enjoying yourself. Well don't let me put a damper on your fun." He said in a low tone as he continued to hack away at the titan.

Hot steaming blood covered his face as he relentlessly took his anger, grief, and hatred out on the creature, ignoring its disgusting cries of agony. Levi finally slashed through its nape, revealing the man inside.

Levi had made sure to amputate his arms before pulling him out.

A blonde man with long hair and a beard.

"So its you." Levi said as he shoved his blade into the man's mouth, piercing the roof of it.

Hot steam rose all around them, blood and sweat dripping from his raven hair as he glared fearlessly into this man's defiant expression.

"Turning into a titan puts a heavy strain on your body… So you can't transform again while you're busy healing. Isn't that right?" He said as he shoved his blade further into the man's mouth, causing it to come through his eye socket. "Hey. Answer me. Don't you have any manners?" Levi barked.

_He couldn't kill him. Not yet._

Levi looked back to see if any of the troops who charged forward had survived. The field was littered with destroyed bodies, painted with crimson blood, pink organs, and scattered limbs, both belonging to human and horse.

_Wasn't there anyone still alive? It didn't matter how injured they were. Just as long as they were still breathing. He could use the titan serum to turn them into a titan..._

He glanced back down at the titan shifter who was gurgling his own blood as Levi continued to hold his blade firmly through his skull.

_...Then he could have them eat this guy and steal the power of the Beast Titan. Wasn't there anyone?_

_Wasn't there anyone that he could bring back?_

Erwin's face flashed through his mind and his expression changed from furious to pained.

_Erwin couldn't be dead... could he?_

His thoughts were interrupted when he heard loud footsteps rushing towards him. He turned his head quickly to see the Quadruped Titan charging towards him. His eyes widened and he pushed himself out of the way just in time to doge the monster's jaws that came down into the Beast Titan shifter. He was frozen in shock as he watched his target get carried away. He looked around frantically.

_There were no trees or buildings for him to use his ODM gear with. Nothing to sink his anchors into._

His chest began to heave in disbelief. Then frustration and anger as blood dripped into his eyes.

"...Hey..." He stood up and started walking after them. "Where are you going? Stop." He said as his walk turned into a run. "I'm not done with you yet..."

He watched as the quadruped ran past the remaining wall of titans.

"All of you! Kill him!" The Beast Titan shifter screamed as he dangled from the quadruped's mouth.

Levi froze in place with his blades in his hands. All seventeen remaining titans were running towards him.

_No trees. Just an open field, and limited fuel._

His heart sank and his mouth fell open.

_He was going to die..._

"Look what you've done Levi! Agh this hurts!" The Beast coughs. "Your weapons must be nearly spent! Once you're gone, I'll have wiped all of you out! It was a pretty close fight, but we won!" The man taunted.

Levi froze in place. The wind lifted his hair out of his eyes ever so slightly as his heart pounded in his chest.

_He was going to die here without ever seeing Lilly and Seth ever again. Never feeling her touch, or seeing her smile again. Never seeing Seth's eyes light up when he'd get him out of his crib in the morning. He'd never see what kind of man he'd grow into._

_He was going to be ripped to shreds, without ever fulfilling his promise to Erwin._

"Wait." Levi glanced up at the approaching titans. "I told her we'd be okay. And I swore to him." He said as he stepped forward, the wind blowing through his bloodied cape as he readied his blades. "I swore to him that I'd kill you no matter what. I swore to them!" He shouted into the air as the swarm of titans dove down at him.

…

*LILLY POV*

"That bastard really did come back to life..." Jean said from beside her. "What do we have to do to kill him for good?" He asked.

Lilly looked down at her scuffed up boots with a solemn expression.

"I don't know how we are supposed to take him down... Not anymore..." She said as she held her arm.

"Hey... Armin... I think our best bet is to focus on getting Eren to safety." Jean said as he glanced over to Armin who was staring up at the Colossal Titan. "Hey. Are you even listening to me?" Jean asked.

"He's skinnier..." Armin said.

Lilly looked over to the Colossal and did notice he was skinnier.

"What?" Mikasa asked.

"The Colossal Titan. He's getting skinnier. It's like Hange said! The Colossal Titan really is susceptible to a drawn-out battle! Think back to the experiments with Eren! He could only transform up to three times in a row. And he could only harden his entire body twice. Once he reached those limits, his power would begin to taper off. He wasn't able to use any of his abilities effectively. So if that's the case for a 15-meter titan, a 60 meter titan should be even less efficient at using its energy. The Colossus Titan used a sustained heat attack when Reiner and Bertolt revealed themselves but… He had to consume all the flesh on his body to create that heat. All that was left where his bones. He won't be able to move once he loses his muscle fibers. He'll be nothing more than a giant skeleton." Armin says as he looks at all of them.

"What?" Jean asked incredulously.

"Armin.." Mikasa said quietly as she appeared to be digesting his words.

Lilly looked to Armin with a tired expression.

"Armin, do you have a plan?" She asked.

"Yes. You all work to draw Reiner away. Eren and I will defeat the Colossus!" Armin announced in a more confident tone.

"Very well. We'll take that armored asshole down." A smile of relief curves on Lilly's lips as she regains the hope of seeing Seth once more.

The same relieves smiles appear on everyone's faces as the gaze at Armin with grateful eyes.

"Ha. Now you figure it all out?" Jean smirked crookedly at Armin. "You had me convinced that it was all over for us..."

Lilly wasn't sure why it was. But when she thought about returning to the life she had started to build with Levi, their son, and their small home... she could feel all the strength and energy fuel her body once again. Like their faces and their love were etched deep within her bones.

_Her fortitude._

...

Lilly kept her distance from Reiner, but was flying close enough near him so that he could see her. Her only job was to keep Reiner away from Armin and Eren. Both her thigh and her arm were still sore, but it was easy enough to ignore that pain with the current risk of being crushed by Reiner at any moment loomed over her head.

"Just believe that Armin and Eren will be able to take care of Bertolt! Don't get to close to him!" Jean shouted as a reminder to everyone.

"Right!" They all responded in unison.

They all locked their eyes on Reiner as he drew closer. He was running towards them fast, and Lily ascended slightly in case he tried to reach out for her. But to her surprise, he had run and skidded right under them, and then proceeded to run towards Eren.

"What?! Is he ignoring us?" Conny asked.

"Dammit!" Jean shouted.

"He's focusing on Eren. He can see right through our plan." Lilly said as she shot an anchor to turn herself around.

"Then we will just have to kill him." Mikasa narrowed her eyes as she launched herself far ahead of the rest of them.

Lilly watched as Mikasa shot a thunder spear into Reiner's leg, causing him to fall to the ground below. She then launched herself forward to back Mikasa up, and the others followed in suit.

"Mikasa! Hey!" Jean shouted.

"Look, If we cant get Reiner's attention, our only option is to stop him now for good. We protect Eren and Armin here." Mikasa glanced back at them.

Jean paused for a moment and looked to Lilly for her opinion. She nodded in agreement.

"Yeah... Alright!" Jean said.

"Hey, guys! We've only got three thunder spears left!" Conny exclaimed with a concerned expression.

"We'll just have to try! Because if we don't fight, we can't win!" Sasha shouted.

The group of them continued to close in on the Armored Titan where he sat on the ground, watching them. They then scattered amongst nearby rooftops like Hange had taught them so they may make the best use of their remaining thunder spears.

Just then, the loud hissing of hot steam caught Lilly's attention as she quickly glanced over to where the Colossal Titan had been approaching Eren. Bertolt was emitting more steam which likely meant he was nearly spent. They'd have to trust that Eren could handle this, and that he wasn't in the crosshairs of that scalding steam.

Lilly glanced back over to Jean and he nodded to let her know he was going in towards Reiner to act as bait. He then ran across the rooftop and launched himself forward.

"Reiner!" Jean shouted as he whirred past Reiner's face.

The Armored Titan then swiftly swung his fist through the rooftop, spraying wooden shards throughout the air as he targeted Jean.

Lilly then took her chance to fly in and shoot her thunder spear into one side of Reiner's jaw. She escaped in time to avoid the explosion, and then watched out of the side of her vision as Sasha went in to try and blow the other side.

If this worked correctly, they'd be able to lodge the last thunder spear into the Armored Titan's hanging jaw, and blow Reiner away from the inside.

But just as they had feared, Sasha was hit by debris in midair, throwing her aim off which then in turn caused the spear to fly off over Reiner's head.

"Sasha!" Conny exclaimed as he caught her.

Lilly quickly dodged a board and landed on a rooftop. She glanced up and watched as Jean was struck in the wrist.

"Jean!" She shouted as she launched herself to get him down to safety.

She located Mikasa as she pressed Jean against the back of a the chimney to avoid getting hit by anymore shrapnel.

"Thanks. I owe you one." Jean winced as he held his wrist.

Lilly turned it in her hand to inspect it. He was going to need attention. And by the looks of it, Sasha was out cold as well. It was up to Mikasa now to get the aim of the last thunder spear perfectly. It had to get lodged into the Armored Titan's mouth at a very precise angle.

Hell, if Lilly was being honest, the chances were slim.

If Reiner moved at the last second or Mikasa didn't get a good start, it would be a complete waste, and they'd really be in trouble.

But as if the clouds had opened up and the Gods had answered their pleas, a wounded Hange whirred in with an additional thunder spear and blew apart the other side of the Armored Titan's jaw.

A smile of relief took over Lilly and Jean's expressions, for the fact that Hange was alive, and for the perfect opportunity to be able to get the last spear into that free-hanging jaw.

"You did a good job, all of you! Now, Mikasa!" Hange ordered.

In a flash, Mikasa swung towards Reiner, dodging his grasp and running up his arm and lodging the last spear into his mouth. The head burst with a giant boom, the Armored Titan's body collapsing to the ground with a loud thud. Dust rose up in the air as Lilly and her comrades silently caught their breaths.

Reiner was finally defeated.

And she was one step closer to returning home.

She only hoped that her husband and her other comrades were okay on the other side of that wall.

...…

Not long after, Lilly could see that the Colossal Titan had been taken out in the far distance. She stood several feet away from Reiner who they had blindfolded, as well as severing his arms and legs from his body so he wouldn't be of any more trouble. His flesh had been melted off his body, and hot steam Hange had been crouched down in front of him, her left eye bandaged as she questioned the traitorous Titan shifter.

Lilly could hardly stand the sight of Reiner, so she turned her attention to Jean and tried to bandage him up as well as she could for now.

"Ngh." Jean groaned quietly.

"I'm sorry." Lilly said quietly.

She hoped that Hange would just kill Reiner after getting the information they needed, but he didn't want to answer much, which increasingly made her more frustrated.

"So Reiner, What exactly is the steel case we found inside the left side of your chest? You used all the strength you had left to try to get this thing… Before we lopped your arms and legs off. Suicide pills? Or maybe it's a bomb?" Hange asked.

"A letter." Reiner answered.

" A letter? What kind of letter?" Hange's asked as she held the box up.

"A letter from Ymir." Reiner answered. "Please, you have to give it to Krista."

"After we examine it first." Hange said as she tucks it away and then withdraws her blade. "I have a lot more questions I'd like to ask you but… Your mouth seems to be as hard as armor. I wonder… Will you tell us what we want to know?" Hange asked in a dark tone.

"Nope." Reiner answered.

"...Thanks. That makes this job easier." Hange said before pressing her blade to Reiner's throat.

"Wait!" Jean shouted. "Are you sure about this? Is it possible for us to take his power from him?"

Lilly looked down at Jean who was seated before her on a wooden crate. She knew that deep inside, Jean didn't want to witness this happen to Reiner. Reiner coughed and spat up crimson.

"I don't think the conditions have been met. We don't know where Levi or any of the others are. And I don't think we have the time to check on them. There's just no way to gauge how much strength these guys have left in them. I could send his head flying and I still wouldn't let my guard down." Hange answered.

Reiner gagged again, breaking the deafening silence.

"That's not like you." Jean looked down quietly. "If you're content with leaving things unknown… How can we ever expected to defeat the Titans? When will we ever know enough to face our enemies?"

Lilly gazed up at Hange. As much as she didn't want to keep Reiner alive any longer, Jean had a point.

"Lilly. Mikasa." Hange said as she looked at the two of them.

"Yes?" Lilly asked.

"How much gas do you have left?" Hange asked.

"Not too much.." Lilly answered as she glanced down at her fuel gauge.

"Hardly any." Mikasa said quietly. "But I have enough to reach Eren and Armin." She said as she glanced back up at Hange.

"That's more than me. Both of you, go check on Eren and the others immediately. Replenish your gas while you're there, and get the injection from Levi. If you can't do that for whatever reason, fire a flare." Hange said as she looked down at Reiner. "That will be my signal to end Reiner."

Lilly swallowed, containing her nerves. She nodded at Hange before launching off with Mikasa to get to Eren.


End file.
